[ music ]
- What are you doing?
- Uh, nothing!
Just, uh... just chillin'
on this sick, cube-shaped, wood chair.
- That crate belongs to Ray.
- How am I supposed to know that?
- It says, "PROPERTY OF RAY MANCHESTER."
- For all I know you've written that just now.
- So why'd you throw that hammer across the room?
- Because it was asking too many questions, Charlotte!
Which you are also doing, so... boom -- lawye--
- Henry. What you're doing is wrong.
You can't open someone else's crate with a hammer.
- I know. - You gotta use a crowbar!
- Yes!
Amazing turn. - I know.
- That was great! You were like,
"You can't open someone else's crate."
- I said that! - And then you were like psych!
Crowbar! - That was the turn!
- I'll laugh at that every time.
- Step aside! - Jillhammer comin'!
- What's up? What are you guys doing?
We're just hangin' out. - Stop lying.
- Yeah we tried to open Ray's big, cube shaped chair too.
- But the crowbar didn't work,
so we went home and grabbed my Jillhammer.
- What's a Jillhammer? - A Jackhammer.
For her. - Makes sense.
- Does it, though? - It's "for her," Charlotte.
- Good business. - She's a her, Charlotte.
- Are you guys done trap flappin'?
'Cuz I'm about to Jill this crate wiiiiiiide open.
JASPER: Let's get this done!
♪ Heeeeere weeeeee gooooo...
- What are you guys doing? - What!
- Huh? - What are you doing?
- Still we're just chillin'.
- You guys. You cannot open Ray's crate
with a Jillhammer.
- Sick turn comin'... - I know!
- You need to use an ionizing megamagnet!
- Turn! - Nailed it.
- Boom!
- This magnet is so powerful it will suck the nails...
[ sucking sound ] right out of the crate.
- Yes!
- That way we can see what's inside,
then nail it shut again and Ray will never know we opened it.
- Love it. - Great plan.
- Ray is so stupid. - Yeah.
- I don't know, you guys... - Ugh...
- What about the plate in Jasper's head?
- I'm sorry, what?
- Jasper has a metal plate in his head. Remember?
[ hollow metal tings ]
- I do not remember that. - You'd think that...
- No memory. - would have come up by now.
- Jasper, you know this!
You were trying to teach that donkey how to kick field goals--
- I've taught a lot of animals to kick a lot of things.
Let's open this crate! - Opening!
- Ahhhh! My head plate! - I told you...
[ Jasper groans ]
- What are you guys doing?
- Gaaahhh! - Raaaaaaaay!
- Hiiiiii! - Welcome to the Man Cave!
- Uh, hey!
What uh... where'd you come from?
- Eehhh, uhhh!
[ Jasper gasps ]
- Is that... a Theranos Boot?
- Like the one Theranos wears in Eternity w*r?
- Oh I love that movie...
- It's not like the Theranos Boot from Eternity w*r.
- Turn comin'... - I can't even right now...
- It is the Theranos Boot from Eternity w*r.
- Turn! - What!!!
- No way! - It's beautiful!
- Oh my god! - I love Theranos!
- So how did you even get that?! This thing should be
in the Museum of Awesome Things From Awesome Movies!
- Oh it was headed to MATFAM.
So the whole world could enjoy it.
But then I bought it. So now only I can enjoy it.
- Kind of a jerk move but... I wanna put it on!
- Ah ah ahhhhhhh! - I wanna put it on!
- I'm next!
- Only three people can touch this boot:
Me, myself, and Aisha Thompson,
who of course played Theranos in the movie.
- That's not fair! - I am explosively mad.
- Sorry. This boot is too valuable.
I know you all been messin' with my crate.
[ all mutter ]
- That's right. Look at the ground and mutter.
And just know that no one is allowed to touch my Theranos Boot.
Ever. Got it?
Now, I've got to go pick up a nuclearproof display case.
I trust you all... - Awww.
I really do appreciate it.
- to understand that... - What?
- if any of you so much as touch that boot,
I will end you.
[ elevator dings ]
End. You.
- We're touching that boot, right?
- I don't know you guys...
Ray did use the words "end you." And he only does that
when he's really serious about something so--
PIPER: Too late I'm already touching it.
- Well, I tried.
- I am Theranos!
And this is how you change the world.
- Theranos! You madwoman!
- Prepare for your disruption!
- No, Theranos! Don't disrupt us!
- It all changes...
now.
[ in unison ] - Nooo!!!
- Henry, I don't feel so good.
[ music - "Boot Scootin' Boogie" ]
- Whoo!
♪ Yeah heel toe do si do
♪ Come on baby let's go boot scootin' ♪
♪ Oh cadillac blackjack
- Up the tube!
HENRY: Aw, my Theranos Boot!
♪ Oh, get down, turn around,
♪ go to town Boot scootin' boogie ♪
[ whistle blows ]
- Wait!
[ elevator dings ]
- Forgot my wallet.
Got all the way there and had to turn right back round...
[ elevator dings ]
Stupid.
[ blows whistle ]
♪ The bartender asks me says son what'll it be ♪
- Uhhh!
- It's good! - Whoo!
♪ The dance floor's hoppin'
♪ and it's hotter than the fourth of July ♪
♪ I see outlaws, inlaws
- Theranos Boots are so hot right now.
- You are absolutely right.
♪ Doin' the boot scootin' boogie ♪
- Aw... I stepped in some gum.
- Who put gum on the runway?
- Who cares?! It's on Ray's boot!
- Well get it off before he comes back!
- How?! - Relax, I can use this
freeze-ray to encase the gum in ultra-ice.
Then we hit it with a hammer
and the gum will shatter into a million pieces.
- Whoa. There's not an easier way to get gum off the bottom of a shoe?
- Yeah. I'll just get a tissue.
Ah it's empty. Let's freeze it.
- Freezy peasy!
- Just make sure you only freeze the gum.
- I know how to use a freeze-ray!
[ mumbles in foreign language ]
- What did I do?
- Ahhh!
- Oops.
- This boot is freezing!
- Get the gum off, Schwoz! - Who cares about the gum,
get this freezing boot off my foot!
- Jasper, no!
- Hey, look.
My gum's still in one piece.
No, that's not my gum. - Ahh!
- It all just kinda happened.
I wanted an after-school job.
But then, an indestructible superhero
hired me to be his sidekick. - Ah!
- Now we blow bubbles... and fight crime.
Feels good.
[ theme music ]
- Call it. - Up the tube!
- Aw, my boot! - Ha!
[ music ]
- We can fix this, right?
Somebody help me shape this back into a boot.
Schwoz, you got a bootshaping machine, right?!
Come on... science science science,
something about appliance?!
- I told you we should have never touched Ray's boot.
- You were the first one to put it on!
- And I'm also the first one to leave.
Peace, snitches! - No, no, no, no, no...
- No one is leaving until we fix this.
- How are we gonna do that?
Schwoz's freeze-ray turned Ray's boot into snowman poop!
- Why don't we just go get another one before Ray gets back!
Alright? They sell 'em everywhere.
- Those boots are just toys!
- Ray had the actual Theranos Boot from the actual movie.
There's only one in the world
and we rooned it!
- Yeah, dog, when Ray gets back he's gonna end us.
- I don't want to be ended. - Well me neither!
- No one's going to end, okay? Because Schwoz is gonna
think of something that fixes everything, right Schwoz?
- Okay, listen.
I think we all need to just tell Ray the truth,
take responsibility, and accept the consequences of our actions.
That's the only way to truly fix things.
- NOOOOOOO! - That's a terrible joke!
- Gross.
- Okay everybody stop your same-time talky talky!
That's enough!
Okay. I might have one idea for a way that we caaaaaan...
- What?! What's the idea?!
- Well... you're all familiar with
universal dimensional duplicity, right?
- Yes! Very familiar! Say yes just say yes.
- Uhhh yes? - Totally.
- It's my favorite duplicity. - Good.
So you know that there are an infinite number
of dimensions in the universe,
some of which are very similar to our own...
- Yeah, yeah, of course. - Of course...
- Yeah. Uh-huh. - is what I say...
- Totally. - because I understand.
- So...we could use Bill Evil's inter-dimensional transporter...
- ...to go to another dimension that's almost the same as ours
and get their Theranos Boot.
- Yes! A dimension like ours,
but with a few small differences!
Like, people actually listen to Charlotte
and also act like cats.
- So there's a dimension where you guys actually listen to me?
'Cuz I would love to go to that dimension, and--
- Okay, so me and Jasper will go to the cat dimension...
- and take their Theranos Boot...
- and then we'll pop back here before Ray gets back!
- Yes! - This a great idea, Schwoz!
I knew you had it in you. - You really think so?
I'm having such confidence issues lately.
We could go back to the truth plan--
- Nope! Shut up! We're gonna do the dimension thing!
- Yo yo yo, what do we do if Ray comes back
before we come back with the boot?
- Piper, you go up to Junk-N-Stuff and stall Ray
if he comes back before we're ready.
- But I have to go home!
If I don't put dad down for his nap
then mom can't go out for ladies night.
- Just do it over the phone! - Fine.
- Schwoz, go get the inter-dimensional transporter thingie.
- On it! - Charlotte, will you please get
that mega-magnet off of Jasper's head.
- Y'know, I'm starting to believe
that donkey did kick me in the head.
♪ ...and down will come Daddy, cradle and alllll... ♪
[ snoring coming from Piper's phone ]
Sleep tight, you bizarre man.
It's go time...
[ music ]
- Oh. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- Didn't see ya there. - Oh! No, no, my fault my fault.
- That's okay. I'll just sliiiide in on the side.
- Great idea.
- Oopsie! Two times? Wow!
- Yeah! In a row... - How about that.
- Weird. - Crazy.
How about this? I'll go right and you go left.
- Right. - Well, left.
- Correct. Aaaaand go. - Alright.
Well this is strange. - Right?
Or left?
[ loud fake laugh ]
- Little there, huh? - You saw it, you got it.
- Okay, but seriously, how long can this go on?
- I guess we'll find out!
[ fake laughs ]
- Okay, it's all set up!
- Sweeeet... - Yes.
- So, what do you think of our new scratching posts?
- Love them. - They're purrrrrrfect.
- Wait! - Whoa, whoa what's up big cat?
- We should set these scratching posts on fire!
- Yes! - Yes!
- I love that idea and I want to do it right now.
- Eh, I don't know, you guys...
- Everybody stop. - Shhh! Charlotte's talking.
- Charlotte's talking. - Go ahead, Charlotte. - Listening.
- Lighting things on fire is a really bad idea.
- How did I not see that? - Thank you so much, Charlotte!
- You're so wise! - Love you, Charlotte!
[ music ]
- Yo, this dimension is so weird...
- Well, yeah, obviously but right now we gotta get that Theranos Boot
and bring it back to our own dimension.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! - What?
- We need to distract them.
- You guys seein' this?!
- Oh, I see it...
CAT-SCHWOZ: What is it..?
- I'm so curious it could k*ll me.
[ music ]
[ elevator dings ]
- Okay, I got lunch! What are you all looking at--
Oh my god what is that moving dot?!
- I dunno but I wanna grab it!
- Look!
- Alright. Go, go, go...
- which will finally result in me being inside Junk-N-Stuff,
and you finally being outside of Junk-N-Stuff.
Finally. Yah got it?
- You know what? Let's not overthink this.
Let's just walk through the door.
Why does it even need to be a big discussion?
- Because we've been here for forty-five minutes now!
And I still don't understand why you didn't leave
when I went to go get this white board!
- Y'know what I think? I think you have been
blocking me over and over again on purpose.
- Whah--Whah--Whah--
- Like, for some reason, you don't want me to leave Junk-N-Stuff.
- Whah--why would I want that?!
- You tell me!
- Just walk! Walk with your feet!
Errrhh!
[ music ]
- Hurry up, I don't think Piper can hold off Ray much longer!
- Stop yelling, I got them!
- Did you get the boot?! - I got it!
And check this out --
they were gonna light these giant scratching posts on fire.
- Fire. Always funny.
- Uh, guys...
Ray finally got past Piper and he's on his way down.
- Uh, uh, uh, uh. - No...
- Aye, aye, aye! - Uh, Schwoz!
- Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright.
Everybody just act casual! Just act chill.
Just act casual.
[ elevator dings ]
- Oh, come on!
- which is why I think Ray would win
in a fight against a volcano.
- Same. - Agreed.
- Oh! Hey, Ray. What's goin' on, man?
Didn't see you there.
Which is weird because your muscles are huge.
- I appreciate the compliment but all I care about right now is my boot.
- Well it's right where you left it.
As you can see...
- Okay.
[ loud sniff ]
Okay.
- You get your paws off my boot.
Right. Meow.
- Henry? [ in unison ] - Yeah?
- Okay, can one of you tell me just what
in the Helena Bonham Carter is going on here?
- I got this one, big dog.
- What did you just call me?!
- Uh, listen, quick but awesome story:
we accidentally destroyed your boot.
- What?!
- We had a really fun montage before we did, though.
- Did you boot scoot and/or boogie?
- All three, cat me! - Nice...
- Why didn't you stop them?!
- I tried! They didn't listen.
- What? - That's crazy.
- She's full of wisdom! - She's so wise!
- They never do! - Really?
I'm surprised they haven't blown up the Man Cave by now.
- They have!
- I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
- I like churros! - You guys are like wild animals.
- When do I get my boot back?! - Your, boot?
Excuse me, handsome, but this is my boot.
- Actually, I found a dimension that's just like ours
except people listen to Charlotte and act like cats.
[ Cat-Ray hisses ]
- Yeah he sent me and Jasper there
to get their Theranos Boot and bring it back here.
- Good thinking! - Thank you so much.
I've had such a crisis of confidence lately--
- Me, too!
[ in unison ] - Shut up, Schwozes!
- So... you stole this boot from them?
- Uh, yeah. - So it's mine now.
- Noo! - Yes it is, gorgeous!
- Now you listen to me, stunner!
You take those strong, masculine,
yet surprisingly soft hands and you give me back my boot.
- Come and get it. Hottie.
RAY: Henry! - Uh...?
- Got it! - Aw, man...
- Jasper! Throw it to me!
- No! That's Cat-Piper!
- Meow-meow, baby.
- Yes! - Yes!
- Oh come on!
- Why didn't you listen to Charlotte?!
- Because we never do!
- Get us outta here, Schwoz! - Okay!
- NOO!!!
- Time-out, time-out, time-out!
- Time-out, time-out, time-out...
- You broke my boot!
- No, I didn't! You broke my boot!
PIPER: Is it even broken?
- Yeah, can't you just glue that jewel back on?
- I said it's broken!
- I can still fix it...
- It's worthless!
- Okay, now I can't.
- It's stupid!
- I hate this boot now!
- I wish I'd never seen it! - I can't play with this!
- I don't even want it anymore!
- Hate you, boot. I hate you!
- Thanks a lot, you guys!
- You guys broke the only Theranos Boot left anywhere!
[ in unison ] - Well...
[ in unison ] - According to the theory
of universal dimensional duplicity...
[ in unison ] - There should be an infinite number of universes...
[ in unison ] - Which means there should be
an infinite number of Theranos Boots!
[ in unison ] - So you guys can just go to a different dimension
and grab another one.
We're talking in unison! This is so cool!
Pineapple! Anderson Cooper!
Whaaaaaaaaaat?!
- which, according to universal dimensional duplicity
means that somewhere in the universe
there is a dimension where not everyone has a mustache.
- Whaaaaaat?!
- I mean what do they stroke when they're thinking?
- Good question...
- Okay, I got the boot. - Great.
Just hand it over and I'll go back to my own dimension.
- Huh? Oh, no, no no.
This boot is mine.
- Well where am I supposed get my boot?
Some dimension where everyone's Henry?
- Hey, listen to this.
According to the theory of universal dimensional duplicity,
there's a dimension out there where some people are not Henry.
- Whaaaaaaaaat?! - Well thank Henry I'm Henry.
Right here in the Henry Dimension.
- Well said, Henry. - Thank you, Henry.
- Nope, I was actually talking to Henry.
- Happens a lot.
[ in unison ] - Ohhh!
- I'm taking this boot.
- What. The Henry. Was that?!
- That was not a Henryyyyy!
- And it just took my Henry-nos Boot!
- I don't like that.
[ music ]
05x30 - Theranos Boot
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
After school, Henry becomes Kid Danger: Captain Man's superhero sidekick.
After school, Henry becomes Kid Danger: Captain Man's superhero sidekick.