02x06 - Doug Saves Roger/Doug's Big News

[bunniefuu]

( Yelps )

( Barks )

( Electric guitar playing )

( Man singing scat )

( Barks )

Cool! Whoa!

( Thwack )

( Barks )

( Whimpering )

( Crying out )

Doug:
in all my days
at the bluffington school

I never thought
I'd see roger stoop to this.

( Screaming )

Funnie, you got to help me.

If you help me out
this time

I promise, promise, promise

I'll never do a rotten thing
to you again.

( Gasps )

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

It all started
the other day before school.

Mr. Bone:
attention, students.

Some of you may have heard

There will be a new addition
to our school today--

My nephew, percy femur.

I expect you all to treat percy
like you would any new student

Who happens to be my nephew.

I remember how rough it was
being the new kid.

We ought to form
a welcoming committee.

I think roger's
already doing that.

Extra large spit wads.

Duh... Check.

Burping lunch tray.

( Loud burp )

Disintegrating homework paper.

Check.

Hurry up with those
water balloons, would you?

Percy's going to have it
bad enough

Being mr. Bone's nephew
and all...

What's the matter?

You feel left out?

We just thought...

You two are breaking
my heart.

( Panting: )
hey, roger...

I just saw percy and,
and, and he's, he's...

He's here-- great!

I've got to give little percy
a big, wet hello.

He's huge!

Yo, my name's femur

Percy femur.

I'm klotz, roger klotz.

Say, is this for me?

Well, uh... No.

What gave you that idea?

You know what, klotz?

I can see that this
is the beginning

Of a beautiful
relationship.

Oops!

( Groaning )

There you
are, percy.

Hey, uncle lamarr.

I was just meeting
some of the local kids.

That's fine, percy.

I'm glad you're
making friends.

What's wrong with
you, mr. Klotz?

You running a fever?

Uh... Just hot, I guess.

Hmm.

Hey, where do you think
you're going?

Didn't you hear uncle lamarr?

We're going to be friends.

Friends to the end.

( Laughs weakly )

Man! And I was worried
about roger picking on percy.

Percy sure can take
care of himself.

Now roger will
find out what
it felt like

All those times
he bullied us.

( Croaking )

Doug:
it's about time somebody
got him at his own game.

Hey, roger, there's
a sign on your back.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, roger, you got a sign
on your back.

Can it.

Percy:
hey, klotz,
heads up!

Huh?

Yuck!

Jumbo size.

Yeah, good one, percy.

Wait, klotz, allow me.

That's all right

Percy...

( Sputtering )

( Roger coughing
and sputtering )

Oh, hey, uncle lamarr.

How's it going?

Keeping out
of trouble?

Of course, uncle lamarr.

That's good.

Ooh, maybe

You should see the nurse

About that sweating.

Yeah, sure, why not?

At first I thought
what percy was doing

Was just what roger
had coming.

Huh?

If you squeal
to uncle lamarr

You'll be eating
knuckle sandwiches

Every day for lunch.

Got it, klotz?

Got it.

But the more I saw

The more I didn't like.

( Groaning )

( Groans )

Oh, hi, percy.

Nice day, isn't it?

( Mumbling )

Maybe roger can be annoying

But mr. Bone's nephew
was just plain mean.

Percy wouldn't quit.

You should have seen roger...

Psst... Funnie!

Yeah?

Do you see percy around?

No.

Great-- not that
I'm afraid of him.

Why don't you
tell mr. Bone

About what percy's
doing to you?

Do you think bone would believe
anything rotten I said

About his precious nephew?

Percy:
hey, klotz!

Oh, great.

Klotz, where have
you been hiding?

Hey, nice foliage, but I think
it might need some pruning.

Oh, hey, look, percy,
your shoe's untied.

Wha...?

You can run, but you
can't hide, klotz.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Ha ha ha!

You can count on that.

I was really starting
to feel sorry for roger.

The next day at school
percy didn't waste any time.

Say, klotz, you want
a hurts donut?

Sure, percy, why not?

Yaaa...ow!

Hurts, don't it?

Get it?

Ouch!

That was my nose,
you big goon.

Uh-oh.

Nobody, but nobody,
calls me a goon.

Hey, look,
here comes the circus.

Where, wha...?

( All gasping )

( Panting )

Please, please, you got
to hide me, funnie.

Percy's going to cream me.

Go to mr. Bone.

He'll m*rder me
worse if I do.

Percy:
klotz...

Help me, funnie, please.

I couldn't just leave him
to be clobbered by percy.

Roger, shut up.

Hey, what the...?

( Mumbling )

Where's klotz?

Wait, percy.

b*at it, shrimp.

I got to cream klotz.

"Cream klotz," that's good.

It sounds like
what we had

For lunch, doesn't it?

Percy, I was just thinking--

Don't you get tired of
picking on roger all the time?

( Growling )

Well, look at it
this way.

Let's say...

Are you saying

I should lay off klotz?

I... Well... Yes.

Little shrimp, you're right--
no more picking on klotz.

( Laughing )

From now on, I'm going
to concentrate on you.

Me?

Yeah, shrimp,
you got a big mouth.

( Bell ringing )

After school,
:, playground.

I'm going to give klotz's
clobbering to you.

And you better
show up, shrimp

Or I'll come
looking for you.

Gee, funnie, thanks.

Well, see you around.

Oh, great-- now percy's
going to make me into
a shrimp casserole.

Roger and his g*ng
high-tailed it out of here

Right after school.

At least you stuck with me.

What are friends for?

Doug, after percy
destroys you

Do you want plain bandages
or the ones with little bunnies?

Percy:
yo, shrimp.

Well, it's been nice
knowing you, skeeter.

Percy, don't you think
this is stupid

For us to fight over nothing?

Ain't going to be no fighting.

It's going to be a m*ssacre.

( Laughing )

Can't we handle this
some other way?

How about checkers

Or a game of horseshoes
or tic-tac-toe?

Nope.

Oh, look,
it's your uncle lamarr.

Sorry, shrimp,
not this time.

( Gasps )

Uncle lamarr!

So mr. Klotz
was right.

All right,
mr. Tough guy

The party's
over.

I'm sending you

Back to your old
school, p.d.q.!

But... But uncle lamarr

I was just
playing with him.

No buts, mister,
let's go.

You're from bad seed,
you know that?

Whew!

You okay, funnie?

That was close.

Yeah-- roger, you said
percy would k*ll you

If you went to mr. Bone.

Did you think
I'd let you get creamed?

Well...

Heck, no, I wouldn't

Not unless I was
doing the creaming.

Get it?

That's a joke.

Oh, come on,
loosen up, funnie.

Let's go down
to the honker burger

For some shakes--
your treat.

Things are going
to be different

Around here from now on.

Roger, I think
you're right.

And that's the wide world
of permanent records.

Back to the news desk--
lamarr?

Thank you, lamarr.

That's it for the news.

Until tomorrow, I'm assistant
principal lamarr bone saying:

Don't mess up!

Oh, brother,
what a loon.

Doug:
school hasn't been the same

Since mr. Bone started
his own one-man tv show.

Man, I thought
watching tv in
school would be fun.

Yeah, this makes
math class seem
like a good idea.

( All gasp )

I heard that, funnie.

So? You don't like
my news program, eh?

Well...

You think

You could do better
yourself?

Why, that's a wonderful idea.

It would be a great challenge

For our class
to work as a team.

Huh?

What do you think, class?

All right, go ahead and try.

( Footsteps )

( Hinge creaks )

( Barks )

That's me.

Hey!

( Barks )

( Yelps )

It was a lot of work,
but everybody pitched in.

And the best part was

Patti and I were chosen
to be the anchorpersons.

Top story today: the charming
and witty doug funnie asks

An unsuspecting patti
mayonnaise for a date.

Doug!

Well, how about it, patti?

You and me, tonight-- magic.

Inquiring minds want to know.

( Giggling: )
doug, you're
embarrassing me.

Doug, doug, get ready.

We're about to go on.

( Clears throat )

( Kids imitating teletype )

Connie:
live from mrs. Wingo's class,
it's the news at noon

With anchorpersons doug funnie
and patti mayonnaise

Skeeter valentine
with the weather

Chuckie studebaker with sports

Shopping reporter beebe bluff

And "a few minutes"
with roger klotz.

I'm patti mayonnaise.

And I'm doug funnie.

Somebody barfed
in the cafeteria today...

We got off to a great start.

I just knew our news show
would be a big hit.

Doug, there's a great fumblitis
game going on out here.

No telling who'll get it next.

Whoa!

What weather!

One minute it's raining, the
next the sun's shining-- patti?

Keep us posted
on any further developments.

Will do, patti.

Yours truly
has a birthday coming up

And here's what you can buy me:

A new ice-skating outfit, lots
and lots of shoes, size four

A -inch color tv,
lots of cash of course

A cruise to my own island...

This isn't news,
this is nonsense.

I'm not going to sit
and watch this drivel.

No, over there.

Go to roger.

You know what gripes me?

Homework and tests

And teachers calling on you
when you're taking a nap.

That really gripes me.

Tomorrow we'll have
a surprise tribute

To the person who inspired us
to make this program.

Until then, I'm doug funnie

And I'm patti mayonnaise.

See ya
see ya!

( Whirring )

Cut!

That's a rap.

We did it, everybody.

Think you're something,
don't you?

You people have
a lot to learn
about putting on

A television show.

Don't worry, doug.

He'll change his mind

When he sees
all the hard work

We put into our
special tribute to him.

Look, here they are!

We saw you on tv.

Huh?
Huh?

How come no one's
crowding around me?

You're not the star.

Doug and patti
make a great team.

Oh, yeah?

Well, we'll see about that.

You know what gripes me?

People who don't respect
their superiors--

Superiors like assistant
principal lamarr bone.

Huh?
What's roger up to?

Sure, he's strict

But somebody's got
to enforce the rules.

Without mr. Bone,
oh, I'd be lost.

Hmm... Maybe I misjudged
that klotz boy.

He's got a lot on the ball.

All by myself, me, I
have prepared a special tribute

To vice-principal lamarr bone.

Let's go to the videotape.

What's he doing?

We made that tribute.

Roger:
lamarr bone,
mere man or mammoth myth?

Little did baby lamarr know

That when this adorable picture
was taken

A great future lay before him...

( Gasps and whispers )

And so concludes my personal
tribute to a great man

Vice-principal bone:

A man with a mission,
a man with a destiny.

That's beautiful!

A man who has yodeled his way
into our hearts.

Thanks, roger.

Can I have
my chair back?

No problem, funnie.

Don't forget these.

In other news

"Mr. Bone wears
pink underwear."

Pink underwear?

Doug!

"Doug funnie,
please report

To the assistant
principal's
office, p.d.q."

( Gulps )

And this just in.

"Everybody's off the show
except for roger and mr. Bone."

( Whistling )

That's show biz.

Mister, you're
going to learn

About a journalist's
responsibility.

I had nothing to do
with that story.

I didn't even know
you wore pink underwear.

I don't!

And you'll write that
on the blackboard

, Times!

That'll take me forever.

Well, mr. Bone, it took me
years, but I finally finished.

Not so fast, funnie.

Now you can do
the other side.

Oh, no!

( Laughing )

Don't get writer's
cramp, funnie.

You've got
a long way to go.

It's your fault
we lost our tv show.

This is my show now, funnie.

I don't need
the rest of you losers.

I'm the star.

( Laughing )

Mr. Bone:
that's it for the news.

Remember: a sharpened number-two
pencil is always your friend.

You got a point there,
mr. Bone.

Good one, roger.

( Laughs )...
Ooh, what a loser.

Roger:
mr. Bone, you know how
to make news

Not only educational,
but fun.

Oh, brother.

He's buttering up
mr. Bone

So he can have
his own show.

Maybe we could
butter up mr. Bone

By buying him
a present.

Nah, you saw what happened

When we made
that tribute.

Roger took
the credit.

Yeah, if we got
bone a present

Roger would say
it was from him.

Yeah.

That's it, patti!

That's what?
What'd I say?

Huddle up.

Hey, funnie,
what's in the box?

Just a present
for mr. Bone

To show him
no hard feelings.

I'll give it to him.

No, wait, roger,
don't.

Put it back,
you big bully...

Mr. Bone:
that's it for the news.

Here's a token
of my appreciation

For all you've taught me
about journalism.

A present?

For me?

What is it?

How should I know?

I mean... Open it.

Of course,
it cost me a bundle.

Huh?

Roger:
but what's money

Where you're concerned?

Is this your idea of
a joke, mr. Klotz?

Hey, hey, I didn't...

A token of your appreciation?

Detention,
on the double!

Roger:
but, mr. Bone...

And so roger finally got
what was coming to him

And mrs. Wingo told mr. Bone

Who really did
that special tribute to him.

It was beautiful, people,
just beautiful.

There, there,
mr. Bone.

I just wanted you
to see

What a great team
can accomplish.

In fact, I bet mr. Bone
would love to have

Such a great team
working with him.

Isn't that right?

Huh...?

Of course, that was
the plan all along.

What are you
standing around for?

We got a show to do.

All:
all right! Yeah!
Right on, mr. Bone!

Well, I guess doing the show
with mr. Bone

Was better than no show at all.

Thank you, mosquito.

And now for
a special segment

I like to call
"crime and punishment"

We take you behind the scenes
at detention hall.

Get that camera out of here!

Scram! b*at it!

What is this,
the prison channel?

Get out of here!