01x08 - That Dude Dylan

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music plays]

[singer] ♪ Jump jump jump jump
Jump jump jump ♪

Where is everybody?

I guess the ' s
finally went out of style.

Little girl!

Up in here, the ' s will live forever.

I just shut down early

so I could set up
for the rap battle tonight.

A rap battle? I love rap battles.

What's a rap battle?

A verbal jousting of witty words.

You rap insults at your opponents

over a frickity-fresh b*at.

Yes, I regret saying "frickity-fresh."

The winner gets the title
of the Best Teenage Rapper in Cleveland

and… [laughs]

…this trophy.

[gasps]

I want that title. I need that title.

I am that title!

Uh, why are you so hyped for this title?

I've been living in a phone.

Now that I'm out,

I have a list of real teenager things
that I wanna do.

And winning a rap battle is on that list.

You just found out what a rap battle was.

And now it's on my list.

You might rap. But can you battle rap?

Pshhh.

I've never done it on a stage,
but just this morning,

the toaster was taking too long, right?

So I was like, "You're a dumb box
warming up my bread.

I hit you with my bars,
then, boom, you're dead."

The toast popped right up after that.

Okay, I see what you're doing.

I'll see you onstage tonight.

Sadie, you should be my DJ.

Oh, I am nice on the ones and twos.

[mimics record scratching]

That was pretty good.

Almost makes up for "frickity-fresh."

Yes!

I said almost.

[upbeat electronic music plays]

Boys, feast your eyes.

First-edition
designer sneakers by Fellini.

Whoa. Fellinis. Those are expensive.

Uh-uh. Back up.

Wish I could share your enthusiasm,

but I don't walk.

I roll.

Jeremy, get your feet off my wife's table
before you get us all put out.

Careful! You almost stepped on Snapper.

You have the first-edition Blue Lobster
from the Sea Babies collection?

Do you know how rare this is?

Snapper's valuable?

How valuable?

I could take you to my toy guy's shop
to have him appraised.

That's right. I got a toy guy.

I don't know, Marky. You love Snapper.

You know what I love more.

A good investment.

And if I sell Snapper,
I can invest in Fellini.

Yeah, I mean,
clearly their stock is going up

because a bunch of old men
are buying their shoes, right?

Jeremy, you are always one comment away
from getting put out of this house.

♪ ♪

Oh, man, Buster the Mic Crusher,

you are not going to the next round
of the rap battle.

Looks like the microphone
crushed you tonight.

[laughs]

We're up next. I'm so nervous.

I've never rap battled
against anything except a toaster.

Don't worry.

Like every legendary DJ,
I researched the competition

and wrote embarrassing facts
about them on these flash cards, huh?

Me and you have very different ideas
about hip-hop.

Y'all ready for the next round?

It's time for Cartier!

Aww, she's so cute.

Tell me her dirty secrets.

All right. Cartier.

Spelling bee champ.
Still sleeps in footie pajamas.

Personally, I don't see
what's wrong with that,

but maybe you can
make something out of it.

Battling Cartier is Lay Lay

and DJ… [mimics record scratching]
Sadie.

All right, I want
a nice clean battle, okay?

Yeah, right. This is battle rap, baby!

Get down and dirty.

[hip-hop music playing]

♪ Unh, unh ♪

♪ Cartier ♪

♪ Unh, unh, check it ♪

♪ They call me Cartier, Cartier ♪

♪ No, not Carter ♪

♪ But I'm hard like Wayne ♪

♪ Psych, my game's harder ♪

♪ I'm about to b*at you
And your little partner ♪

♪ Yeah, you just got served ♪

♪ By a rappin' kindergartner ♪

[hip-hop music playing]

♪ It's your girl Lay Lay ♪

♪ Cartier is cute, you think you're hot? ♪

♪ I'll make you simmer ♪

♪ I'll b*at you in the spelling bee ♪

♪ 'Cause you can't spell "winner" ♪

♪ Maybe you can ♪

♪ Battle when you get a little older ♪

♪ I was dropping rhymes
Back when you was in a stroller ♪

♪ Come for me, I'm coming back
Like karma ♪

♪ It's past your bed time ♪

♪ Go put on your footie pajamas ♪

Man. Cartier, you did your thing.

But Lay Lay and Sadie,
they win this round.

All right, now…
coming to the stage next--ooh.

We have BoomBox's very own Lugnut.

[cheers and applause]

Competing against Lugnut,

this kid calls himself
the coldest rapper in the game.

Show some love for Chicago's own

Young Dylan.

[cheers and applause]

What up, BoomBox Burger?

Who is this guy?

[Sadie] I don't know.

He's from out of town!
I didn't study out-of-towners!

I wasn't told they would be on the test!

♪ Throw your burgers in the air
Like you don't care ♪

♪ Throw your fries the air
Like you don't care ♪

♪ Hey, Young Dylan, I'm a young villain ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm about to serve you
And I'm not chillin' ♪

♪ After I win, you'll know my name
Is Lugnut ♪

♪ It's easy to remember
'Cause it rhymes with "pig butt" ♪

♪ Lugnut ♪

That was cute. My turn.

♪ You ain't a young villain ♪

♪ Y'all know how I be chillin' ♪

♪ You should put me on your playlist ♪

♪ You rock with Young Dylan ♪

♪ YD popped up at BoomBox
Like "Surprise" ♪

♪ Give him a tissue, Lugnut 'bout to cry ♪

♪ Thought you could serve me ♪

♪ They serving you lies ♪

♪ The only thing you serving me
Is burgers and fries ♪

[cheers and applause]

All right. Yeah. Yeah.

Get off the stage, Lugnut.

Get off the stage!

Give it up for the winner,

Young Dylan!

I'm just gonna say
what everybody's thinking.

I don't like his face.

♪ I'm Sadie's affirmation app ♪

♪ And so no matter what happens
I got her back ♪

♪ 'Cause, see, my homey Sadie
Wished on a star ♪

♪ She said, "I wish you were real" ♪

♪ Now I'm as real as you are ♪

♪ And now who's coming out the app? ♪

♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

♪ Whose avatar power is to freeze? ♪

-♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪
-♪ All day, all day ♪

♪ It's your girl ♪

♪ That girl, that girl, that girl ♪

♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

That's a goodbye to fraternal twins
Gary and Cary.

Lay Lay and DJ Sadie win again!

Disrespecting people
while rapping was fun!

I love battle rapping.

Tomorrow's final rap battle
will be Lay Lay

and DJ Sadie versus Young Dylan.

The winner will be declared
the Best Teenage Rapper

in Cleveland!

Cue the confetti!

Sadie, I'm gonna need you
to do your research,

because I can't lose
to some dude named Byron.

It's Dylan.

Really? He looks like a Byron.

Well, I don't know anything about him.

But we could pretend to be his friends
and find out the dirt.

[gasps]

Sadie Alexander.

I love it when you get shady.

Side note.

Free sesame seeds on the buns
for the first customers.

After that, you gotta pay.

People pay real money for this junk?

Hey, shh.

That's the owner, Funky Old Joe.

Maybe it's not the best idea
to offend him and his store

before we make a sale.

Too many blemishes.

This quarter is only worth cents.
Scram.

Funky Old Joe. Long time, no see.

Hey, it's the kid
who everybody likes… but me.

What can I do for you, Jeremy?

We've got something valuable for you.

[gasps] Blue Lobster.

There are only of those
in the universe.

Mm-hmm.

And it can be yours if the price is right.

I say that's worth…

One hundred dollars.

One fifty.

Deal.

-Sucker.
-Sucker.

Remember, we're being nice to Dylan.

Sadie, you don't have
to remind me to be nice.

-Yes, you do.
-Yes, I do.

Hey, Dylan.

Congrats on getting into the finals.

You were pretty good up there.

Mm, he was all right.

Nah, she's right. I was good.

And now you're the last rapper
I gotta b*at.

[laughs]

Girl, wake him up.

Because if he thinks he's gonna
b*at me, he's dreaming.

Uh, I like that. False confidence.

My nails may be fake,
but my confidence is real.

Unlike that chain around your neck.

Huh, you're pretty funny
for a seven-year-old.

So, Young Dylan,
what brings you to Cleveland, huh?

I'm in town visiting family and--
wait a minute.

Young Dylan don't chat
with his competition.

Eh, I wouldn't call you competition.

I wouldn't call you, period.

Rap battles can be so mean and personal.

Wouldn't it be nice to have
a little camaraderie offstage?

[both] No!

But, Lay Lay, wouldn't you like
to get to know Young Dylan better?

What?

You're right. We're being nice.

Why don't you come over
to our house tomorrow

for a home-cooked meal, huh?

After the way you destroyed Lugnut
in that rap battle,

I wouldn't eat anything he serves.

Here's a Tupac Guac on the house.
I made it myself.

Here, try it in front of me while I watch.

What time should I come over?

Morning, son. Morning, not my son.

Morning, Father.

I'm here to support Marky.

You're eating my cereal.

Okay, I'm here to support Marky
and eat your cereal.

He hasn't been himself
since he sold Snapper.

Also, you're out of cereal.

He still hasn't snapped out of it, huh?

Did you say Snapper?

Oh, boy. Hey, hey, Marky.

Want me to whip you up some waffles
double wrapped in bacon?

Huh? Your favorite.

No, thanks, Dad.

Bland, flavorless oatmeal
will do just fine.

Well, hey, how's the Fellini stock doing?

Through the roof.

Best investment I've made in years.

But it's just money.

Just… money?

We gotta get that lobster back.

My son is broken.

Lunch is served.

Thanks for having me over,
Sadie and Lay Lay.

So what's this delicious lunch
we're having?

Ah, for our main course, we'll be serving

peanut butter… à la jelly.

So, Dylan, what's the worst thing
you've ever done?

What are your top five
most humiliating moments?

You have any weird quirks?

No. I wanna know about you guys.

So, Lay Lay, where are you from?

I'm from Houston.

The Bayou City.

No. Houston.

Didn't you hear me?

Uh, that's what they call Houston.

[laughs]

Oh… right!

My hometown just goes by so many names,

that one just slipped my mind.

[phone rings]

Hey, excuse me.
My friend Booder's calling.

-Yeah, take your time.
-Of course.

We're not finding out anything
about him that we can use.

Then we'll have to get even shadier.

Sadie Alexander.

I'm rubbing off on you
in all the right ways.

Hey!

Hey, what's up, Booder?

No, you can't put me on hold.

Come on, Sadie, let's hear what he says.

Oh, good. You're back.

Okay, listen.

Bethany finally responded
to one of my texts.

She said, "Stop texting me,"

but still, that's progress.

Hold up, I hear something.

[gasps]

Anyway, I'm doing this rap battle,

and the girl I'm up against
says she's from Houston,

but there's something shady about it.

Get back in here.

Hey, where did you guys come from?

-Upstairs.
-The kitchen.

Were you spying on me?

What? No.

It's like you just popped up
out of nowhere.

Uh, maybe you popped up
out of nowhere--poof!

Well, guess what.

I know your secret, Lay Lay.

You're not from Houston,

and tonight I'm gonna tell everyone
where you're really from.

[car horn honks]

My ride is here.

But brace yourself,
because the truth is coming.

He must have seen me turn invisible.

And now he's gonna tell everyone
I'm from the phone.

[whimpering, squealing]

Okay. Calm down.

We're gonna make sure everyone knows
you're a regular teenager.

[squealing]

You've gotta stop flickering in and out.

I can't believe Young Dylan knows
I'm an avatar from the phone.

When he tells everyone tonight
at the rap battle,

the government
is gonna come looking for you.

I'll have to hide you under a blanket

and ride you out of here
on the handlebars of my bike.

But we won't be able to fly to the moon.

So the men in hazmat suits
will take you away to Area ,

I'll never see you again,

and you'll become best friends
with bigfoot forever.

What?

Girl, you've gotta stop
watching old movies.

[sighs]

I think the only way
to protect your secret is to quit.

Quit? I don't wanna quit.

What about my list
of real teenager things?

I've done the math. This is the only way.

I knew math was gonna be a problem.

[upbeat music plays]

♪ ♪

Oh, no.

Funky Old Joe put Snapper
in the case for VICs,

very important collectibles.

How do we handle this, Jeremy, hmm?

Do I need to go all
West Side Story Bryce on this dude?

[grunting]

'Cause I will.

I'm not sure those rhythmic snaps
strike fear into people's hearts

the way you think they do.

Just follow my lead, okay?

Wow, that's an awesome…

"World's Best Uncle" mug.

Maybe that should go in the VIC case
instead of the Blue Lobster, hmm?

That mug's been sitting there
for six years, kid.

Nobody likes their uncle.

Okay.
Look, let me kick it to you straight.

My son here has been
experiencing trader's remorse

and needs his Blue Lobster back.

Oh, trader's remorse, huh? Oh, I get it.

I'll give you the lobster back…

for, say, bucks.

You only gave me .

And for that, I feel remorse.

Look, I'm not leaving here
without my son's lobster.

He loves it.

I have a son too, man.

His name is Funky Baby Joe.

So I will give you the Blue Lobster.

Thank you.

In exchange for your
limited-edition shoes.

What? What? My Fellinis?

What am I supposed to wear out of here?

I got a "World's Best Uncle" mug.

[sighs] Fine.

Thanks, Dad.

When you're old, this might be
the moment that keeps me

from putting you in a home.

Here you go, kid.

I missed you so much.

Why do you smell so bad?

They don't call me
Funky Old Joe for nothing.

[Sadie] Yo, Dylan.

Yo, what's up? Y'all ready to do this?

We're just here to tell you

that we're dropping out of the battle.

What? You can't drop out.

I don't want to.

I wanna take you down,

but I can't have you spilling my secret.

So you win. Congratulations.

I don't wanna win like this.

I was ready to square off with you.

You're the only one here that's legit.

Thank you.

You know, you don't really
get on my nerves

when you're complimenting me.

Well, compliments don't win rap battles.

Trash-talking does.

Maybe this time, it doesn't have to be.

Instead of using your skills
to take each other down,

you could gas each other up.

That's different, but I like it.

Young Dylan and Lay Lay changing the game.

I think you mean Lay Lay and Young Dylan

changing the game.

Mm, that'll work for me.

I gotta say, I'm surprised
you're so worried

about people finding out
you're from the suburbs

and not from Houston.

Wait. That's what you thought
her secret was?

Yeah, lots of people front
and say they're from the city.

I ain't frontin'.

I mean… that's my secret.

And thank you, I've got a rep to protect.

Please, this is Cleveland.
No one has a rep.

Let's do this.

[Woody] Ladies and gentlemen!

[all] Showtime.

[Woody] Are y'all ready
for the final showdown?

Make some noise

for Young Dylan, Lay Lay,

and DJ Sadie!

[hip-hop music playing]

♪ Young Dylan, top billin' ♪

♪ Lay Lay ♪

♪ I know we s'pose to be battlin' ♪

♪ Maybe even tattlin' ♪

♪ Instead of being far apart ♪

♪ We had a little heart-to-heart ♪

♪ Ey, I am digging your style
Your passion for the art ♪

♪ And I'ma shout your DJ out
'Cause she fly and she smart ♪

♪ Well, you're the real dude, Dylan ♪

♪ And I like your manners ♪

♪ Plus you got bars
You put it down for Atlanta ♪

♪ What's really dope
Is you're the only girl ♪

♪ About to dominate rap
All across the world ♪

♪ You know we better together ♪

♪ All that beefin' was wack ♪

♪ The only beef that I want
Is the BoomBox Triple Stack ♪

♪ Us rapping together
Can't miss, no cap ♪

♪ Young D and Lay Lay ♪

[both] ♪ k*lled the game
And that's a wrap ♪

♪ Boss of the hill ♪

♪ We boss of the chill ♪

♪ We sittin' on top
Dylan, Dylan dollar bill ♪

♪ Boss of the hill ♪

♪ We boss of the chill ♪

♪ We sittin' on top, Lay Lay dollar bill ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[cheers and applause]