01x13 - Do You Want Fries With That?

[bunniefuu]

-[Chattering, Laughing]

- [Reggae]

- Hey!

- Hi!

- So, you heard the good news?

- Oh, you don't always do this?

Thejury came in.

We won! Well, Greg won.

But I was there, right beside him, you know passing him phony notes and pretending to whisper in his ear.

Oh, man, that's so great.

Is Greg in his office?

Yeah, probably.

He's a workaholic.

Not me though.

I can quit any time I want.



- Hey!

- Oh, hi.

Come on in.

Why aren'tyou at the party?

I don't think I can do this anymore, Dharma.

We put these people away, and they're back on the streets 1 8 months later

- What's the point?

What's the point ofthe whole thing?

Well, there's cake out there.

You spend yourwhole life climbing a mountain and you finally get to the top, and realize after all theseyears you've been climbin' the wrong mountain.

Honey, mountains can't be wrong.

They're just mountains.

Unless they're the kind that are underwater.

Then they're islands, you know, with just the tippy

-tops sticking out.



- What does that mean?



- Um, I don't know.

I'm just trying to buy a little time until I figure out what's going on here.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't be whining.

This is myjob.

I'll just livewith it.

Oh, Greg, that's not the answer.

You feel sad, don't suppress it.

Just feel the feeling.



- I don't wanna feel sad.



- Well, nobody does.

That's why there's dr*gs, alcohol, w*r, divorce, catalogs, plastic surgery and pudding.



- Pudding?



- Try to crywhen you're eating pudding.

I dareyou.

I knowwe're supposed to have lunch, but I've still gotta lot ofwork.



- Can I, uh, get a rain check?



- Yeah, of courseyou can.

[ Sighs ]

Hey, you know what, Greg?

Ifit makes you so miserable, why don'tyou just quit?

[ Chuckles ]

Quit?

I can't just quit.



- Why not?



- Because, I

- [ Chuckles ]

Oh, my God, I could.

I could just quit.

[ Chuckles ]

I mean, it's not like civilization's gonna come to an end.

Is that what's been holding you back?



- [Reggae ]



- [ Cheering ]

Speech! Speech! Speech! Okay.

I'd, uh

- I'd like to thank everyone for all their hard work on this case.

[ Hooting ]

But I've come to realize this job is slowly strangling the life out of me and I can't stand for it anymore, so, uh, as ofthis moment, I quit.

Good

-bye and good luck.

She, uh, forgot her purse.

[ Singing ]

Greg! Greg! You wanna rock and roll all night and what?

And part of every day [ Imitating Electric Guitar]



- "Part of'?



- Yeah, aren't those thewords?

No, it's "Party every day!"

- Every day?



- Yeah.

All day?

How areyou going to rock and roll the next night?

Oh, honey.

I always knew one day he'd snap.

I'm proud ofhim.

I think he did the right thing.

How so?

It's a soul

-sucking rat race.

He's not a rat.



- [ Hissing ]



- So why don'tyou quit?

Me?

[ Chuckles ]

I'm a rat.

Way to go, Greg.

You're no longer a knuckle

-dragging goon forThe Man.



- Yes!

- A mindless puppet for the ink

-stained myopic bureaucrats.



- That's right.



- A bloated pimp for the m*llitary

-industrial complex.

You never really liked me, did ya?

Well, that's all in the past.

Damn straight.

I'm free! I'm a wandering troubadour singing the song ofmy soul! Righteous! But, um

- Don'twandertoo long.

I don'twant my daughter married to some bum.

Three.

Dharma, this is just sowonderful! It's like a rebirth! He should choose a new name.

I know.

I mentioned that to him, but he has all these monogrammed shirts.

Oh.

You know, now that he's free of all that negative karma tonight would be a good night foryou to make a baby.

Ye

- Oh! But, Abby, he can't even walk erect.

[ Chuckling ]

[Banging On Door]

Hey, glad you could make it! Ah, Dharma, I didn't quite understand your message.

Why are we celebrating Gregory's freedom?

Freedom from what?



- He quit his job.



- To do what?

We don't know! Have a suit.

I won't need it.

Oop, don't forget a tie.



- Who else wants a suit?



- Haveyou ever seen him so happy?

No, I have not, and I blameyou.

Hey, sunshine! We rock

-and

-rolled all night, didn't we?

[ Chuckles ]

Uh, yeah

- Honey, I rock

-and

-rolled all night.

You were out like a trout by 1 0:1 5.



- I was?



- You don't remember?

You were giving away all your suits and then you ran upstairs to getyourwing

-tips

- and we never sawyou again.

Well, that explains why I woke up at the bottom ofthe closet.

Um.

Doyou remember your parents being here?

No.

Were they?

No!

- So what areyou doing?



- Making breakfast.

Eggs Florentine, homemade cinnamon scones and fresh

-squeezed grapefruit juice.



- Since when doyou cook?



- I love to cook.

I just never had time.

Mmm.



- Fantastic.



- Thanks.



- Mmm!

- I can't believe it.

Now I can do all the things that I never had time for, like working out, reading

-

- spending more timewith you.



- Hmm, that's great, honey.

It is.

It's wonderful.

Dharma, I'm starting to panic.

I need a job.

Relax, Greg.

You haven't even been unemployed for a day.

Gee! You're not even lateyet.

I don't know what to do.

I got up this morning

- I showered, shaved, put on mywork underwear

-

- [ Yelps ]

[ Laughs ]



- You have work underwear?



- Yes! I have work underwear and no place to wear them.

I need a job.

Wow, whatyou need is a vacation.

I can't take a vacation.

I'm unemployed.

Unemployed people who take vacations are hoboes.

What I hearyou saying is that a job is important toyour sense ofself.

So let's start with that.

What makes you happy?



- A job.



- I got that.

Now let's narrow it down a little bit.

I mean, is there anything in your life you've ever done that gaveyou a sense ofjoy and well

-being?

No.

Come on, Greg.

When you were growing up, what did you wanna be?



- A Harvard graduate.



- No, I mean before that.

An Exeter graduate.

Think, Greg.

Isn't there something you wanted to be

- when you were a little boy, you know, like a cowboy?

Dharma, I can't be a cowboy.

Hey, if everybody said that, there'd be a bunch of cows running around everywhere.

The only thing I know how to do is be a lawyer.

Greg, that is not true.

Come here, look at this beautiful meal you made.



- Well, I do love to cook.



- Well, thereyou go.

Then cook.

Ifthat's whatyou love to do, Greg, that's whatyou should be doing.

I thinkyou're being a little naive.

Greg, ifyou got to prepare beautiful food for people all day long, would that makeyou happy?



- I couldn't just do that for a living.



- That's not what I asked you.

I asked ifit would makeyou happy.

[ Chuckles ]

I think it would.

Once again, your underwear has purpose.

[ Chuckling ]

Come on, how am I supposed to become a cook?

Just pickyour favorite restaurant, walk on in there and tell them you're willing to start at the bottom.

Butyou love to cook.

It's your bliss.

It's yourwhat?

My

-My

- My bliss.

You know, my calling.

What

-What makes me happy.

Please, please, please, I know bliss.

What I don't know is why a U.

S.

attorneywants to cook.

I just told you.

It makes me happy.

Ah.

What doyou want?

What is this, some kind of a sting, huh?

Where are the hidden cameras?

There are no hidden cameras.

I'm not the oneyou want.

It's my brother.

He does the books.

I don't wantyour brother.

[ Softly]

Listen, please.

Let me explain something toyou.

I am in the restaurant business.

You want liquor?

You want linens?

Sometimes you have to turn your head and look the otherway.

I don't want to arrestyou.

I just wanna cook.

We don't cook.

This is sushi.

No cooking.

No, I

-I understand that.

I

-I just want to learn to prepare food for people to make them happy.

You go to Harvard, you go to Stanford Law, nowyou want to make sushi?

Areyou nuts?

I never thought Greg would leave theJustice Department.

So, uh

- So what other firms is he talking to?

Come on, Gottlieb, he just won the biggest case ofthe decade.

He's talking to everyone.

Soyou might want to think about sweetening your offer, Stanley.

Kitty, I was at the firm for 1 2 years before I made partner.

[ Chuckles ]

That mayverywell be, Stanley, but Gregory is better than you.

He is.



- Hi!

- Ah, there they are.

Oh, Greg, so good to seeyou again.



- Hello, Stan.



- Dharma, this is our family attorney

- Stanley Gottlieb.



- Oh, yeah, you're the guy who sent us those annulment forms when we got married.



- Oh, that was a

-

- That was a terrible mistake and I am sureyou fired the horrible person that was responsible.

Like a sh*t from a cannon.

There's no need to embellish, Stanley.

I'm sure Dharma understands.

Edward, change the subject.

Uh, Gregory, how did you enjoyyour rare day off?

Oh, no, he didn't have a day off.

He had like 1 5 interviews.



- Dharma, let me tell them.



- You didn't accept anotherjob, did you?

Kitty, I thought I had the inside track.

You drag your feet on the signing bonus, Stanley, that's what happens.

I came to the table with six figures full partnership in twoyears, use ofthe companyjet.



- What else doyou want?



- I don't believe this.

You guys were negotiating a job for me?

[ Speaks With Teeth Clenched ]

Sounds like theywere doing okay, honey! Gregory, we're just looking out foryour best interests.

Well, my best interests involve me getting up in the morning and doing something that makes me happy, and I found that.

Oh, my God, he's going into entertainment law.

No, I'm gonna be a chefi.

[ All Together]

A what?

Okay.

Not exactly a chef

- a cook, a fry cook.

You know, burgers, patty melts.

Eventually, I'll run the whole griddle, including, of course cold sandwiches and soups.

I blameyou.

[ Whistling ]



- [ Rings ]



- Pick up two.



- Howwe doin' here?



- It's incredible.

I can't stop eating, and that's on the natch.

Oh! Everything is just delicious, Greg.

What's in the home fries?

Tarragon?

And a little paprika.

Shh.

Okay, open your eyes.

Holy paper hat, Batman.

Pete!Jane! Come on, sit down.



- What can I getya?



- Give me two dead soldiers face down in the mud with a side of shrapnel.



- Comin' up.



- What's that?

I have no idea.



- Pete?



- Greg?

It is still Greg, isn't it?

Yeah, come on, I'm busy.

What do ya want?

Grilled cheese and some fries, and maybe a big bowl of, "What the hell areya doin'?

" I'm doin' great! Havin' the time of my life.



- Haveyou gotten a paycheckyet?



- It's not about money, Pete.

It's, uh

- It's about bliss.

That's good, becauseyou know you probably took a pay cut here.



- Gregory.



- Hey, Dad! What can I get ya?

Well, $200,000 foryour education, for starters.

When I open up my own restaurant someday, you'll get every penny back.



- [ Coin Rattles ]



- Thankyou.



- [ Coin Tinkles In Cup ]



- Gregory, why are you doing this?

Dad, I don't wanna turn around when I'm 60 and wonderwhat I did with my life.



- Is that whatyou think I've done?



- Well, no.

I don't know.

Areyou happy?

I don't understand that question.

Ifyou didn't have to worry about money or responsibility or prestige, what would you do?

Boy, there

-there's another stumper.



- Come on, Dad, answer the question.



- Well, Son when I was in the service, I discovered I did have a talent, but

-

- Oh, forget it.



- No, what was it?

It doesn't matterwhat it was.

I put it aside, because I had obligations, and so doyou.

All right.

Never mind.

I cut hair, and I was damn good at it too.



- What?



- I know how people should wear their hair.

I don't, uh

-What?

It's about shape.

It's about symmetry.

It's about understanding what is pleasing to the eye.

Uh, Abby, uh, forgive me.

I've been meaning to do this ever since I first sawyou.

Let it fall byyour face and softly lay there.

Wow, you're right.

See, it's a gift.

[ Both Growling ]



- [Knocking On Door]



- [ Gasps ]

Who's there?

Is it Auntie Jane?

Is it a U.

P.

S.

guy with a pocket full ofSnausages?

Come on! [ Dharma Barking ]

[ Sighs ]

It's Grandma! Doyou realizewhatyou've done?

Doyou realize howyou have destroyed my family?

Doyou realize howyou have absolutely made my life a living hell?

Is this stuffyou already told me, or is this new stuff?

Get down.

You see how we can update the style and still keep it classic?

[ Gasps ]

I love it! Look.

Look what you've done.

Just

-

- Wow, Abby!

- Isn't it fantastic?

She looks like Joni Mitchell.



- Edward, you did this?



- He has a gift.



- I have a gift.



- Would you please stop saying that?



- Nobody has a gift.



- Excuse me.

Joni Mitchell has a gift.

Who is

- Never mind.

Ifyou would all please just excuse me, I'd like to speakwith Dharma for a moment.

You know, Kitty, with some bangs, you would look a lot less severe.

Get out!

- All right, now doyou see the problem?



- Yes.



- And what do we do about it?



- I have no idea.

I lied.

I don't see the problem here.

My husband is cutting hair, my son is flipping burgers.

That is a problem.

Why, ifthey're happy?

Dharma, doyou have any idea what it means to be a Mrs.

Montgomery?

You would look better with bangs.

Stop talking and sit down.

Down.



- [ Sighs Deeply]



- This family has a long and a proud tradition.

We build communities, we shape policy we fund the arts, we employ thousands of people.

And it is ourjob, as Montgomerywomen to protect and to pass on this tradition.

Mmm

- No.

It's myjob to help my husband be happy.

No.

It is yourjob to maintain a long

-rangevision ofyour husband's happiness.

Dharma, ifl were to let Edward just pursue his whims willy

-nilly hewould be living on barbecued potato chips and working at Supercuts in San Bruno.

Kitty, what did you want to be as a little girl?

Now, do not change the subject.

I betyou wanted to be a great dancer.

I was a great

- Never mind.

This is not about me.

Kitty, what does it matter if Edward cuts hair, ifthat's his calling?



- It is nobody's calling.



- Oh, how can you say that?



- Oh, please.



- Doyou know how many people love to cut hair and cook and mow the lawn?

Look atyour gardener.

He's got a huge smile on his face.

Oh, please, his family floated over to this country on a beer cooler.



- He's happy to be alive.



- Ah, but he's happy.

That's the whole point.



- Why areyou so fixated on happiness?



- Because.

That's the tradition I wanna start in this family.

I want my husband to follow his bliss and ifflipping burgers makes him happy then I want him to flip burgers forthe rest ofhis life.

Oh, God, what have I done?

You quit?

What doyou mean, you quit?

Dharma, I was working at a cheesy diner.

Greg, you were following your bliss.

Well, you shouldn't let me follow my bliss.

You shouldn't let me drink bleach.

You shouldn't let me go into a biker bar dressed as Tinkerbell.



- Whywould you wanna do that?



- Whywould I wanna flip burgers?



- Butyou were so happy!

- I was insane! Well, that's the big problem with insane, sometimes it looks like happy.

Now I have to go ask for myjob back.



- Greg, I thought it madeyou miserable.



- Well, sure.

There are parts ofit that do.

Preparing for a case, trying a case

- Sure, when you lose a case, and, of course, after a win sometimes it's a big letdown.

Honey, that's all ofit.

I know.

And I miss it.



- Huh.



- Huh, what?

Oh, no, nothing, it's just

- Most ofthe time people think I'm the nutty one.

[ Both Laughing ]

Hey, Abby!

- Thanks for lettin' me freak out.



- Aww.

Thanks for bringing home the industrial

-sized jar of mayo.

Yep.

Back to normal.

[ Chuckles ]

That was my pay.



- Hey, Greg, Greg?



- Yeah?

Well

- Doyou think forjust one or two more weeks we can still tell your mom you're a fry cook?

Uh, yes.

I suppose I should be getting offto bed.



- I was plannin' on it.



- Oh, baby! Uh, you're welcome to stay ifyou like.

I'm coming afteryou, and I'm bringing this.



- Oh?



- And I'm going to call Gottlieb in the morning and we'll get this whole divorce thing straightened out.

No, don't call Gottlieb.

You're right, Edward, you do have a gift.

You must never call Gottlieb.

I know.

Now, we're agreed, you're going to put the comb and the scissors and the little towel back in your army trunk and we're not going to talk about them again.

- Yes, dear.

- Edward?

- What would you think of me as a redhead?

- I thoughtyou'd never ask.

I'll get the color chart.

It's 4 to 6 Foot! It's 4 to 6 Foot!