05x09 - A Lawless Town Tends to Attract a Bunch of Whoohooey Folk

[bunniefuu]

Bar: You want to know who the strongest man in the Kabuki District is?

Bar: You must be new in town.

Bar: You won't last long with that attitude.

Bar: Forget it.

Bar: This town is on a whole different level.

Bar: You got thugs, brawlers, vigilantes, and rogue warriors

from all over Edo here.

Bar: It's like a haven for hooligans.

Bar: This is for your own good.

Bar: Have a drink and go back to the countryside.

Bar: What's that?

Bar: You want me to tell you about the top dogs before you go?

Bar: You really like this stuff.

Bar: First, there are four monsters on a level of their own.

Bar: The Fierce and Divine Mademoiselle Saigo.

Bar: Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant.

Bar: Peacock Princess Kada.

Bar: Empress Otose.

Bar: The four factions are in a

standoff which preserves a fragile balance of power.

Bar: Who would be the strongest in a fight?

Bar: You wouldn't be able to even scratch those beasts.

Bar: Saigo and Jirocho, in particular, were heroes during the Joi w*r.

Bar: Well, they're too old to go on a tear now.

Bar: If you want someone who's currently active,

Bar: there's Katsuo Kurogoma,

a young leader in the Doromizu faction.

Bar: He's the most feared man in the Kabuki District now.

Bar: You'll also find a few former Joi in Saigo's faction.

Bar: There are rumors about

Kada's faction having ties to some crazy folk.

Bar: Otose's faction?

Snack Otose

Bar: It's just a bar, really.

Bar: She's just an old lady with a soft heart.

Bar: But if you try any funny business on her turf,

Bar: you'll run into a certain guy.

Bar: A guy who holds his own against the Big Three by himself.

Bar: One hell of a monster,

Bar: with hair that's completely white.

Bar: A demon...

Pirako: That's too bad.

Pirako: I was going to decorate your

completely white head with some bright red flowers.

Pirako: Your reputation precedes you.

Pirako: The strongest man in the Kabuki District...

Pirako: Gintoki Sakata-san...

Gin: Who are you...?

Pirako: I didn't realize how strong you were, Bro!

Pirako: Could you take me in...

Pirako: ...as one of your underlings?

A Lawless Town Tends to Attract a Bunch of Whoohooey Folk

Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Shin: It's freezing.

Shin: It's always so cold in the morning.

Shin: Who is she?

Shin: A drunk?

Shin: Uh, excuse me.

Shin: You'll catch a cold if you sleep here.

Shin: Excuse me.

Shin: Your snot has frozen.

Pirako: Yikes, it's a raid!

Shin: Wha-Wha-Wha--

Shin: What are you doing?!

Pirako: Which g*ng are you from?

Pirako: If you try to lay a finger on my Bro,

Pirako: I'll make some bright red flowers.

Shin: What are you babbling about?!

Shin: Wait a moment here!

Shin: Wait!

Kagura: It's too early for all this noise.

Snack Otose

Pirako: I am the newest member of the Odd Jobs g*ng, Pirako Chin.

Pirako: It is an honor to meet the big boss Otose.

Pirako: I apologize for my behavior earlier.

Pirako: I didn't realize that you were the Bro's number one underling.

Pirako: I'll make up for it by cutting off my pinky.

Gin: Hey, what the hell are you doing?

Gin: I have nothing to do with organized crime.

Gin: And I don't want any underlings.

Gin: And I told you to get lost already!

Gin: You damn punk girl!

Pirako: You're tearing out my hair!

Pirako: The two of us can become the bosses

of the underworld, Bro!

Gin: When did I ever say that I wanted to be Darth Vader!

Shin: What's with her?

Pirako: Please! I have nowhere else to go!

Otose: You come from a g*ng?

Otose: I've heard rumors.

Otose: The Uekibachi g*ng was having a

business quarrel with Jirocho's people.

Otose: When a fight broke out, there was a crazy girl who

took out the whole lot by herself.

Otose: Her name was Pirako the k*ller.

Gin: Huh?! A k*ller?!

Gin: This little twit?!

Shin: This little girl works for the underworld?!

Pirako: It's nothing to brag about.

Pirako: I just happen to be good at decorating with flowers.

Pirako: Did you know?

Pirako: The more evil someone is,

the more beautiful a flower they make.

Pirako: And when I cut them up more, the flowers are redder and prettier!

Shin: Uh, I'm very sorry.

Shin: I didn't mean to call you a little girl.

Gin: You said you have nowhere to go?

Gin: What happened to your former employers?

Pirako: They're dead.

Pirako: They were jumped by the Jirocho g*ng

Pirako: and turned into a lovely garden.

Pirako: There was a nice man there who took me in,

Pirako: and I always did what I was told,

Pirako: so I don't know what to do now.

Pirako: But I only know how to decorate with flowers.

Pirako: That's why I'm here.

Pirako: I'm here to turn the town where Jirocho is...

Pirako: To turn the Kabuki District into a garden of bright red flower garden!

Pirako: Hey, hey, hey!

Pirako: The Bro is passin' through!

Kagura: Whatcha lookin' at, twerps? Eh?!

Pirako: You wanna make something of it?!

Kagura: Wanna make something of it?!

Shin: This is bad. Very bad.

Shin: We've picked up a really dangerous girl.

Shin: She said she's going to turn the Kabuki District into a flower garden.

Shin: She means a sea of blood, doesn't she?

Shin: She wants to use your strength to get revenge on Jirocho.

Gin: I-It'll be okay.

Pirako: Hey! Wanna fight?

Gin: She's a k*ller, but she's just a girl.

Gin: She can't be stupid enough to take on the big boss...

Pirako: Look here, Bro!

Pirako: Pretty flowers!

Gin: See?

Gin: She looks like a perfectly normal girl

Gin: who happens to like flowers...

Pirako: Gran, you been payin' all your fees?

Kagura: Eh?!

Gin: Don't make threats with a smile on your face!

Pirako: A g*ng needs money to run.

Pirako: In return, we provide security.

Gin: They're looking for security from us!

Gin: Now listen to me.

Gin: If you want to join Odd Jobs,

forget all that dark side stuff.

Gin: You aren't Darth Vader.

Gin: You're just an ordinary girl.

Gin: You aren't Pirako Chin.

Gin: From now on, you're Birako Man.

Shin: What kind of name is that?!

Pirako: Understood.

Pirako: I'm Birabirako Man.

Shin: No, you have an extra "bira" in there!

Shin: Could you stop that?!

Kagura: Hey, there's a cute cake place over there!

Kagura: You can learn how to be a girl there, Birabirabirabirako Man!

Shin: Enough with the "birabira" already!

Pirako: This is kind of embarrassing.

Pirako: I've never been in a place like this before.

Pirako: Do I stand out?

Gin: Not at all.

Kagura: You look perfectly natural here!

Shin: You guys stand out like sore thumbs.

Shin: Don't worry about it, Birabirabirabirako-san.

Shin: You look like a very normal...

Shin: No, a very cute girl.

Pirako: Huh?

Shin: You should drop the gangster act.

Shin: It's such a waste.

Shin: Oh, sorry about trying to boss you around.

Shin: Come on, what are you doing?

Shin: Eat your cake.

Shin: If you don't eat your cake, I'll eat it.

Pirako: A cockroach was chewing on my cake.

Pirako: It's too dirty for me to eat.

Pirako: What are you going to do about this, dammit?

Shin: Hey! Are you saying I'm a cockroach?!

Pirako: I'm actually kind of a clean freak.

Pirako: Gangster stuff aside.

Shin: Gangster stuff aside?!

Morimioto Candy

Shin: So you just hate me, period?!

Gin: No sweat. That wasn't your fault.

Kagura: Nothing wrong there.

Kagura: That's how a normal girl would react.

Shin: Why are you defending her?!

Shin: Don't make it sound like every single girl is anti-Shinpachi!

Gin: If you act gangster again, you get another "bira" tacked on.

Gin: At least your name will feel more girly,

Birabirabirabirabirako Man.

Shin: How is that name girly?!

Shin: It makes her sound like a "birabira" monster!

Shin: Enough already!

Kagura: Hey, there's a cute dried fish place, *****!

Shin: Watch your mouth!

Kagura: Whoa, look at this, Birako Man!

Kagura: They're all dried! They're all hard!

Shin: And wait, you're just taking

Pirako: Ooh, it's so cute!

her to the places you want to go!

Pirako: Why is it so dry?

Shin: What's so girly about dried fish?!

Pirako: Bro!

Pirako: Oh, sorry...

B: Bro! What's wrong?!

A: It's broken!

A: The impact broke it!

Shin: Here comes the real thing!

Shin: This is bad.

B: Hey, girl!

Shin: We were making progress,

B: Whatcha gonna do about this?

but they're going to stimulate her gangster blood.

Kagura: Gran, give me some sukonbu.

Shin: If they're from Jirocho's faction...

Gin: Bah, can't help it.

Shin: Gin-san! No v*olence!

Gin: I know.

Gin: I'll settle this in a mature and gentlemanly fashion.

Gin: Excuse me, did my friend do something wrong?

A: Huh? Who are you?

Pirako: B-Bro!

Pirako: What's wrong?

Gin: I-It's broken...

Gin: Th-The pat on the shoulder shattered all of my bones!

Shin: You're doing the exact same thing!

A: What do you mean, pat on the shoulder?

A: You're the one who patted me on the shoulder!

Pirako: So, what are you going to do about this?

Shin: Hey!

Shin: You're making it worse!

Kagura: That won't do! Calm down, Birako!

Gran: Here's your change.

Shin: Why are you pretending to break your bones?!

Gin: Uh, you broke your arm,

Gin: while two of us broke all of our bones.

Gin: Can we call it even?

A: You broke your own bones!

A: That girl wasn't anywhere near us!

B: Bro, that's enough.

B: He's the one who's with Otose...

A: What?

A: Oh...

A: He's the one who took on Big Bro Katsuo...

Shin: Katsuo Kurogoma...

Shin: So they belong to Jirocho's g*ng.

Gin: All of my bones have been broken...

Gin: Could you let this one slide?

B: B-Bro, we should go...

A: I'll let you go today.

A: Now come with me.

Pirako: Huh?

A: I don't have any business with him,

A: but I'll need you to pay up

A: by using that body of yours...

Pirako: N-No! Bro!

Shin: Please wait a moment!

A: Stop struggling!

A: You damn bitch!

A: Huh?

A: I thought your bones were all broken?

Gin: And your arm?

Gin: It seems to be in...

Gin: ...terrible shape!

Shin: N-Now he's done it!

Matsuo to Kiyoshi

B: Bro!

B: Snap out of it, Bro!

Shin: Wha-Wha--

B: Bro!

B: Wake up, Bro!

Shin: What the hell are you doing?!

Shin: Why did you make the first move?!

Gin: Well, he was taking advantage of my gracious behavior.

Gin: I just gave him a little flick.

Shin: The hell you did!

Shin: You sent him flying through the air!

Pirako: You rule, Bro!

Pirako: I think I'm in love.

Pirako: Now we have no choice but to fight it out with Jirocho.

Pirako: Together, we can make lots of red flowers

and become the bosses of Japan.

Gin: Damn it!

Gin: You tricked me!

B: Bastards!

Gin: That's not funny!

B: You won't get away with this!

Gin: I'm not gonna pick a fight with Jirocho!

B: This means w*r!

Gin: I ain't gonna fight a w*r!

Shin: Gin-san! You're starting the w*r as we speak!

Gin: Pipe down!

Gin: Calm yourself!

Gin: Calm yourself and look around for Dryaemon.

Shin: You need to calm down!

Kagura: It's okay, Ginta-kun!

Kagura: I have just what you need!

Kagura: Ready-mix concrete!

Shin: What are you going to do with that?!

Kagura: Shut up!

Matsuo to Kiyoshi

Kagura: If we stick Giannosuke and Suneorochimaru

in here and toss it in the ocean,

Kagura: we can basically shut them up forever!

Kagura: Lady Shizuka will be yours!

Shin: Hell no!

Shin: You'll scare off Lady Shizuka!

Katsuo: Pops, give me the usual dog food...

Katsuo: Looks like a fight's going down.

Katsuo: What's...

Kabuki District Council Meeting Room

A: We will now begin the Ka-Kabuki District Council Meeting.

Kabuki District Clean Up Project

A: The topic today is separating trash...

All: Get lost, trash.

A: Yes!

A: Excuse me!

Otose: So what's this about?

The Kabuki District's Empress Otose

Otose: Why did you call us here?

Otose: I don't recall ever failing to separate my trash.

Saigo: You just did.

Saigo: Why is this stinkin' garbage of a hag

The Fierce and Divine Mademoiselle Saigo

mixed in with us beauties?

Otose: You shouldn't be talking.

Peacock Princess Kada

Kada: I'm glad to see that you haven't changed.

Kada: I apologize for taking up your time.

Kada: But you'll have to wait a little longer.

Kada: We're missing a member.

Otose: Jirocho?

Otose: There's no point.

Otose: It's been two or three years since he was last seen in public.

Kada: I was hoping to have all four Devas present for this discussion.

Kada: I called you here for one reason.

Kada: You are probably aware that

the town has grown tense the past few years.

Kada: If nothing is done, a w*r will break out.

Kada: I'm sure that nobody wishes for that to happen.

Saigo: Listen to yourself.

Saigo: You and Jirocho are the ones making a splash.

Saigo: It used to be that the casinos

in this town were run by Jirocho's g*ng.

Saigo: But then you built a casino here.

Kada: The same could be said of you, Saigo.

Kada: I've heard tales

Kada: that you're sheltering Joi patriots and rogue warriors.

Saigo: Huh?

Kada: Your soldiers may be dressed oddly,

Kada: but each one of them is quite strong.

Kada: You plan on using their strength

to create an empire of trannies...

Saigo: What are you talking about?

Saigo: I'm offering a home to those who have no place to go.

Kada: But the fact remains that you've repeatedly refused

to accept the demands of Jirocho's g*ng.

Kada: And Otose...

Otose: I have no interest in your stupid fight,

and I'll have none of it.

Kada: You may have no interest,

but you've always held great influence in this town.

Kada: I've heard that you listen to the

problems of your customers and offer counseling.

Kada: And your pawns in that sketchy Odd Jobs group

provide the necessary assistance.

Kada: They've been running wild across our territory.

Otose: I never knew that I had pawns I could order around.

Otose: And I never knew that this town

had been divided up into territories.

Otose: This town doesn't belong to anyone.

Otose: We just live our lives here.

Otose: That's all.

Kada: However, some are not satisfied by that.

Kada: These days, we are known as the Four Devas

who work together to run this town,

Kada: but didn't it all begin with the

rise of a new faction, a king of hooligans?

Kada: There is no reason for us to fight.

Kada: After all,

Kada: isn't our enemy Jirocho?

Jirocho: I see how it is.

Jirocho: The three of you are teaming up

to get rid of Jirocho, the obstacle.

Otose: Well, well.

C: Wait up!

Shin: It's over! This is w*r!

Shin: This is all-out w*r!

Shin: Gin-san!

Shin: This is out of control!

Kagura: Ginta-kun is off on a rendezvous with Lady Shizuka.

Shin: Huh?!

Shin: The bastard used us as decoys!

Shin: I'll get you for this!

Pirako: It looks like they're gone, Bro.

Pirako: Things are getting fun.

Gin: What's so fun about this?

Gin: Time to bust out an old cliche.

Gin: Revenge isn't fun for anyone.

Gin: I'm sure that your dead friends

would want you to live like an ordinary girl

Gin: instead of letting revenge take over your life.

Pirako: Bro...

Pirako: Why do you keep talking about revenge?

Gin: Uh, wasn't your g*ng slaughtered by Jirocho?

Gin: So you want revenge...

Pirako: What are you talking about?

Pirako: My g*ng was crushed by Jirocho,

Pirako: but they're all alive.

Gin: Huh?

Gin: But you said they were turned into a flower garden.

Pirako: They quit the business to become farmers.

Pirako: They've planted a garden of red flowers.

Pirako: It's a pretty place.

Pirako: But it was boring, so I left.

Gin: Huh?!

Gin: Could you be any more misleading?!

Gin: We've been trying to subtly convince you

to give up on revenge because of your dark past...

Gin: So wait?

Gin: Why are you here?

Pirako: Like I said,

Pirako: I'm here to decorate Jirocho and this town in red flowers.

Gin: Enough of that.

Gin: Give it to me straight.

Pirako: I mean exactly what I say.

Pirako: I'm here to help the great Jirocho bloom again.

Pirako: For that,

I need the help of the strongest man in the Kabuki District!

That's you, Bro!

Gin: Got it.

Gin: In other words, your mind is full of flowers,

Gin: and it's a waste of time to bother talking with you.

Gin: In that case, this is farewell...

Pirako: Bro, the bond between g*ng members isn't easily broken.

Gin: I don't have a bond with a plastic trash can!

Gin: The concrete's hard now!

Gin: This is all because you kept on talking!

Gin: What do we do?!

Gin: What's going to happen?!

Katsuo: Well, that's easy enough.

Katsuo: You get served the treatment

Katsuo: you were gonna deal.

Saigo: Y-You're...

Jirocho: Sorry to keep you waiting.

Jirocho: The obstacle's here.

Saigo: Jirocho...

Jirocho: Don't mind me.

Jirocho: Carry on.

Jirocho: I believe the three of you were talking about teaming up to get rid of me?

Kada: We never said anything about that.

Kada: I simply mentioned that our wish to avoid any pointless conflict

Kada: was being ruined by an unstoppable loose cannon.

Jirocho: I would take him out.

Jirocho: Some fools in this world can only be cured by death.

Jirocho: But I wouldn't arrange a meeting like this.

Jirocho: Look.

Jirocho: Your necks are all lined up within range of my blade.

Jirocho: One of the Peacock Princess's pets, huh?

Kada: Stand down.

Kada: He's merely joking.

Jirocho: No, he made the correct decision.

Jirocho: This pet was trained well to be able to detect my hostility.

Jirocho: Unfortunately, I'm getting old,

Jirocho: so I have trouble controlling my piss and my hostility.

Jirocho: I already sheathed my blade, but it keeps trickling out...

Jirocho: Case in point.

Jirocho: You didn't notice me taking you out.

Kada: I said to stop this!

D: What do you think you're doing to the boss?!

D: Take them!

A: You've shown your true colors!

A: We won't let you lay a finger on Mama!

Saigo: You were eavesdropping on a conversation between ladies?

Saigo: You bastards ready to have your balls ripped out?!

Jirocho: Stand down, boys.

A: Boss!

Jirocho: Ordinary humans have no place here.

Otose: Good grief.

Otose: How do you intend to stop these monsters?

Otose: If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

Kada: As you saw, power can only be restrained by more power.

Kada: Here is my proposal.

Kada: The factions of the Four Devas are

not allowed to engage in personal fights.

Kada: The faction which breaks this rule

Kada: will be crushed by the other three.

Jirocho: So in the end, it'll still be the three

of you teaming up against me?

Jirocho: You think you can take my balls by teaming up?

Kada: Don't get the wrong idea.

Kada: This rule is to prevent further conflict.

Otose: The town will be a dull place if nobody can fight.

Saigo: If that's the only way to avoid a w*r, then so be it.

Jirocho: Are you sane?

Jirocho: Very well.

Jirocho: It'll be a test of endurance.

Jirocho: Try not to screw up before I do.

To Be Continued

Next Episode Preview

Their past is revealed...

A battle pitting Gintoki against Jirocho...

Ghosts Aren't the Only Ones Who Run Wild Around Graveyards

#Eyecatch