Chris:
Last episode was crammed
Full of monkey...
And monkey-crammed full!
And although team
Gin-noh-say-wuk got trapped,
It was team mu-skwuk
Who lost a player
All because ella -
Sweet, sweet ella -
Went against my wishes
And sang her own swan song.
Hey, b*at it.
Ella's gone.
I sh*t her!
From a cannon.
Off the island.
Thank you.
Anyway,
What were we doing?
Oh, right!
Eight players remain.
Who will stay
And who gets blasted away?
Find out right here,
Right now, on...
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
♪♪♪
♪ I wanna be...
I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
♪ I wanna be...
I wanna be... ♪
♪ I wanna be famous ♪
(Whistling chorus)
(Rooster crows)
Jasmine:
(Yawns)
(Loud landing thud)
Hmm? Wha?!
Must your giant feet
Be so noisy?
I was having
The most delightful dream!
Was it you being blasted
Out of a cannon
For costing us
The last challenge?
That was my dream!
No, I was being carried
By my many minions
Like an egyptian king!
Looks like your servants
Are still with you.
Aggghhhhhh! Agh! Agh!
Ants!
Bah! Foul vermin!
(Gasps)
Ewww! Disgusting!
Sidekick,
Clean my bed at once!
Where is that lazy fool?
Siiiiidekiiiiiick!
(Groans)
I need him gone!
When people realize
How dense he is,
They'll know
I made all his gadgets.
Max:
(Evil laugh)
Feel the heat
Of my death ray!
(Evil laugh)
(Startled scream)
My bed!
The ants have started
A fire somehow!
Dave:
Sky, will you be
My jungle queen?
Whaaat?
I said, want some berries?
They're clean.
Sky:
Oh. Thanks.
Okay, I kinda flirt with dave
Sometimes,
And I dreamt about him,
And my tummy fills
With butterflies
When he's around,
But that doesn't mean
I have a crush on him.
I can't.
I'm not looking for romance!
He gets it.
Sky's acting weird
And I'm no dummy, I get it.
It's cuz I haven't
Kissed her yet!
I just want our first kiss
To be perfect, ya know?
Them two bein' lovey-dovey
Means one thing:
An alliance!
We gotta keep 'em apart
Or else it's game over
For one of us.
Probably you.
Or... We could form
An alliance of our own.
There's no nice way
To say this...
I'd rather be eaten
By a zombie!
(Eating noisily)
Ya got a little sump'in
There.
No, no.
Please, allow me.
Sugar:
(Gasps) I got it!
Note to self:
Never kiss sky's left cheek.
Ain't gonna be no lovey-dovey
Alliances happenin'
While I'm around.
I'm like the opposite
Of one of them
Match-makin' fairy godmothers.
Whatever that would be...
Some sorta unicorn,
I guess.
Well, there goes my appetite.
So you don't mind
If I eat these?
(Air horn blasts)
Chris:
Calling all contestants!
It's time to get "rolling"!
(Laughs)
Uh, that'll make sense
In a minute.
Sugar:
(Belches loudly)
Listen up, everyone.
Today's challenge is simple.
(Relieved sighs)
Chris:
Simple... And deadly!
All:
(Groan)
Chris:
You'll all be racing across
The island...
In these turbo-orbs!
Each team will cram into
One turbo-orb
And run like a hamster
In a wheel.
First team to the other side
Of the island wins immunity.
Both teams are sure
To have a ball!
Just get in the orb,
Topher.
Topher:
Hey, watch the hair!
Sky:
Stop pushing!
Sugar:
I'm not pushin'!
I'm shovin'!
Jasmine? Hello?
You still on
Australian time?
(Laughs)
I actually have no idea
If that's ahead of us
Or behind us
But you get the joke.
Okay! Just gonna get
Inside that
Small, cramped,
Confined ball.
No way out.
Let's do this!
(Shaking with fear)
Chris:
That's the spirit!
Okay, so I might be
Claustrophobic.
It's sad when a person
Lets a single irrational fear
Control their whole lives.
Jasmine:
I'm okay!
Just have a teeny issue
With confined spaces.
No biggie.
(Shaking)
Uh-huh...
You know what else
Is a confined space?
A cannon.
Okay, bad cop didn't work,
Time for good cop.
Jas, I didn't know
You had this phobia.
Now that I do,
I realize this challenge
Is harder for you
Than anyone else
And that's unfair...
Chef, toss her in.
Jasmine:
(Gasps)
Uhhhh... Owwww!
Dave:
Uh... We can't see
Out of these.
Chris:
Oh no.
(Louder)
You might feel a slight drop.
Ready... Set... Go!
(Teams scream)
(Screaming in pain)
Ah-ugh-oh-ow-ow-ow-ow!
Oh!
Dave:
Ow! I mean... Hi.
Score! Near death experiences
Always make girls wanna kiss!
Sugar:
(Groans, stomach rumbles)
Breakfast berries want out...
(Barf splatters)
Mm-mmm!
When all you eat's is berries,
Ya pretty much
Just barf jam.
(Horrified)
Aaggghhhhhhhh!
Jasmine:
Oh look. We're at the bottom
Of a deep, dark cave.
How 'bout that.
Topher:
Ha! Host fail!
I'd like to see chris narrate us
Out of this one.
Chris:
What was that, topher?
Chris:
So your real challenge
Is getting out of this cave.
Why bother with
The bogus challenge?!
If I had said I wanted
To cram you into giant balls
And drop you feet
Into a cave,
You all would've moaned
And whined.
This was easier.
Shawn:
True.
Chris:
Moving on!
There are two bags of supplies
Somewhere behind you.
Max:
Let's see...
Rope, climbing accessories,
Night vision goggles?
Ugh! Useless!
Sky:
Kitty litter,
A beardo b*at-box cd
And soy sauce packets?
Seriously?!
One bag might be more helpful
Than the other.
Chris:
Now, if you look around,
You'll see a bunch of tunnels.
They all lead to a single exit
On the surface
Where the finish line awaits,
But some will get you there
Safer or faster than others.
First team across
The finish line wins.
One more thing.
According to cree legend,
No one who's gone in
Has ever come out.
All:
(Terrified gasps)
But, hey, I thought the fall
Would k*ll you,
So congrats on surviving that!
Your challenge starts... Now!
(Air horn blows)
Sky:
So it's all about choosing
The right tunnel
To get out fastest.
Scarlett:
"Fast" would be preferable.
This pit seems to be
Structurally unstable.
Jasmine:
Out! Gotta get ouuuuuuuut!
(Rumbling)
Shawn:
Uh, maybe pounding the walls
And yelling isn't a good idea.
(Yelling)
It's a cave-in!
(Rumbling)
Sky:
Well, now it's a cave-in!
All:
(Scream)
Spacious way out...
Jasmine:
Uh... Is there a more
With better lighting
And maybe some windows?
Topher:
My face!
Must save my face!
Jasmine:
Ungh! Oof!
Sidekick! This way!
No! This one, max,
This one!
Scarlett:
Dave:
Which one?!
Shawn:
I see daylight!
Come on!
(Coughing)
Sky:
Dave, are you all right?!
I am now.
(Belches)
(Bats screech)
Bats!
Hmm?
(Spits)
Bat lips!
I-i kissed bat lips!
Aaaauuuuuughhhhh!
The weirdest part...
That bat was totally into it.
Sky:
Wow! A colony of glow slugs!
Dave:
Glow slugs?
Worst children's toy ever.
At least
They're lighting the way.
Shawn:
Mmm!
They go down easy!
Dave:
Aww, sugar...
(Gags)
I think you just broke
My gross-out meter.
Sugar:
Whatever, bat-kisser.
(Rumbles)
Whoa! Are you guys
Seeing this?
Shawn:
Wow! Look at me!
Choo-choo! I'm a bus!
Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga...
Sky:
Whatever works.
Jasmine:
I can't see a thing!
I can't see!
Topher:
Here. Night vision goggles.
They work great.
Oh, good. Now I can see
How cramped the cave is.
Jasmine:
Hey...
Where's scarlett and max?
Topher:
(Gasps) oh no!
Jasmine:
Don't worry.
I'm sure they're fine.
What? No, I have no bars
Down here!
I'm expecting a call!
Jasmine:
Hey, we need to focus!
If our team loses,
Max and scarlett will team up
And vote one of us off.
Those two are practically
Married.
Max:
You'd better go ahead of me;
There might be booby traps.
Scarlett:
This cave is weird.
Max:
Maybe the cave thinks
You're weird.
Scarlett:
Those stalactites
Shouldn't be here.
Max:
And where should they be?
Wyoming?
Scarlett:
It's just that
There isn't any evidence
Of mineralized water deposits
On the cave floor.
Pfft! And I suppose
You find it odd
Max:
That there's also
Several cameras
And a large monitor
Over there.
Hey guys!
Welcome to the spike zone!
Try to stay quiet
Or all those stalactites
Will rain down
And skewer you like kabobs.
(Laughs)
Thank you for the warning.
You are now in my favour.
We shall tip-toe through
Slowly and-
Chris:
Eh, tip-toeing is boring
To watch,
So here's a crocodile!
(Roars)
Remember, your entire team
Has to cross the finish line.
So no leaving behind legs
Or hands, okay?
This is my chance
To get rid of max.
If he doesn't make it back,
We lose,
And he gets voted off.
Wait! Why don't you train it
To be your reptile minion?
(Gasps) that's...
A brilliant idea!
You there, heel!
(Chomp)
Agh! Phew!
Brainless mammal!
Minion, it's not-
Minion?
Crocodile: (vicious chomp)
Max: yyyyyyoooowwww!
(Rumbling)
Aaggghhhh!
Agghhh!
Oo-oof!
Aww!
It was just getting good!
(Frustrated sigh)
Stay tuned to find out
Who gets buried
And who comes out on top.
Here on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Max:
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
(Fizzling)
Ohhh... That is heaven.
Ewwww! Croc innards
Are disgusting!
It was mechanical?
Hey, I bet everything
Down here is!
And it's all controlled
By remote.
If I can piece together
A transmitter
To send out signals,
Who knows what we could find!
I bet they're all using
Neighboring frequencies.
Wait, you're doing
What frequently?
My brother pulled
My hair once,
So I made his remote control
Toys come to life
And att*ck him in the night.
Every night,
For six years.
He's still in therapy.
Stop babbling!
That croc bit me!
I demand you suck
The poison out!
Crocs aren't venomous.
Do as I say!
(Frustrated growl)
Topher:
Jasmine presses on
As the cave gets deeper,
Darker, narrower.
The faintest sound could
Cause a cave-in
That would surely crush
Every bone-
(Interrupting)
Do you mind?!
Do you?
Someone has to host
In chris's absence!
Chris:
I'll take it from here, toph.
You've just reached
The leap of faith.
Even with
The night vision goggles
You can't see the bottom.
You gotta have faith
And just jump in.
It leads to the way out...
Or sharks -
I honestly can't remember.
Either way, you can't go back
The way you came.
(Loud rumbling)
Good luck!
Topher:
Man, it's like a bottomless
Black hole to nowhere...
Wanna go first?
(Choking)
Jasmine:
Topher, no!
There needs to be another way!
Topher:
Jas... Can't breathe...
About to pass out...
Jasmine:
Topher?! No!
Aaggghhhhhhh!
Ungh!
Ah? How did you know
It wasn't super deep?
Didn't... (Gasps for air)
Please let go.
Shawn:
Whoa...
Welcome to the gem cave.
This ruby ravine
Is home to a bear.
But not just any bear...
The bling bear!
(Laughs)
Bling bear?
Trust me, you don't wanna
Make him mad.
Just walk through here
Without stealing a gem
And you'll be okay.
Dave:
Fine. Whatever.
Let's just go-
(Loud roar)
And you failed.
Wow! That was fast.
(Roars)
Dave:
What the heck?
Nobody took any diamonds!
My guess is sugar ate one
So that everything
She says sparkles.
Shineeeeey!
(Ferocious roar)
Wait! That's just
Scuba bear with-
Sky:
Run!
(Ferocious roar)
(Panting) hey,
Think it leads somewhere?
Jasmine:
Ohhh! Great!
Let's go down the even more
Cramped, confined, tiny...
(Slap) nnngh! Okay,
I need to stop talking.
Topher:
(Gasps) bars!
I got bars!
Two of 'em!
This must lead to the exit!
No, no, no, no, no!
(Gasping for breath)
It's a way out, jasmine.
It's a way out.
I'm feeling more bored
Than evil!
Are you finished yet?
Scarlett:
Done. Now I'll try
The universal signal
For garage door openers.
(Ding)
Scarlett:
Heh. You still think this cave
Is normal?
Max:
Of course.
It's just an ancient cree
Secret passage.
Scarlett:
With carpeting and muzak?
Max:
Clearly the cree had taste.
And you no longer need
This useless thing!
Scarlett:
No!
Who knows what else
On the island
Could've been controlled
With that remote!
It's official,
I hate max.
Dave:
We gotta swim?!
Is it safe?!
Cave water is clean, right?!
Sugar:
Cannon baaaaall!
(Loud splash,
Ferocious roar)
(Sniffs and groans)
He's not following us?
Weird.
He had a snorkel
And everything.
Well, you know how bears
Hate losing their jewelry
In the pool.
(Laughs)
I like how funny you are.
Not to k*ll the mood,
But did you fart?
No! I-it does stink
A little though.
We should keep moving.
Sugar:
A stream! It has to be coming
From the surface!
Sky:
We can follow it out!
Sugar:
It's so muddy,
I keep slippin'!
Sky:
Keep moving!
I see daylight!
Sugar:
We made it, guys!
(All scream)
Dave: no! Nooooo!
(Panting)
The toilet?!
We came out the toilet?
Shawn:
That means the water...
And the muddy cave,
It was all- (gasps)
Sky and shawn:
(Disgusted groans)
Sky:
Dave... You okay?
Sugar:
Oh, big whoop.
None of you'd ever win
An easter egg hunt on my farm.
(Cell phone beeps)
Jasmine:
Are we dead yet?!
Keep going!
I just got another bar!
That's three! (Beeps)
Four bars! Five!
What's wrong?
Topher:
Good news: I see daylight.
Bad news:
I know what dug this tunnel.
(Ferocious growling)
Topher:
Turn back!
Gophers go for the face!
I need my face!
We're not going back!
(Static)
Yep, I've lost the kids.
Better grab our getaway bags
And fake passports, "hector."
Jasmine:
(Screams)
Freeeeeeedooooommm!
(Panting)
(Weakly)
Did we win?
No! That's not the right exit!
Sky:
It's not the worst one either.
Chris:
(Disgusted noise)
What's that stench?
Shawn:
We came up through the-
Dave:
(Loud gibberish)
Never clean!
Max:
Blast! How did we not win?!
(Gasps) they must have found
A faster elevator.
Elevator?
Look, none of you won!
I said, "the first team
To cross the finish line,"
And none of you did!
You skipped dozens
Of awesome challenges!
We don't even have
Enough footage for an episode!
You're all disqualified!
This whole episode is a bust!
(All cheer)
Sky:
No elimination!
Chris:
Ooh, no, no, no, no, no, no...
There will be an elimination.
(Laughs)
Chris:
As you can see,
I had a special reward planned.
Darwin's all-you-can-eat
Food safari.
Sugar:
Darwin's food safari?!
I starred in a tv commercial
For them.
I was amazin'!
It went like this-
(Air horn blows)
Tonight's elimination
Will be...
This dinner!
Chef?
(Gasoline glugs)
(Loud expl*si*n,
Flames whoosh)
All:
(Disappointed groans)
Now, I have a serious matter
To discuss.
It's become obvious
That a certain couple
Is well on their way
To smooch city.
I think we all know
Who I'm talking about.
This kind of lip-locked alliance
Is unfair
To the other team members.
It's also kind of awkward.
So I've decided
To split them up.
I really like dave
As a friend,
But this is for the best,
And I know dave agrees.
Nooooooooo!
So, without further ado,
I'm breaking up...
Max and scarlett.
We? Him? Me?
No, but...
Oh no, we're not...
Phew! That was close.
Hardly my fault.
I have two things women love:
An evil, evil mind...
And a sense of humour.
(Sobbing)
Their love was so beau-ti-fuuul!
Max, join team mu-skwuk.
I'd say it's been
A pleasure,
But we all know the truth:
You're inferior.
Oh. And just so the teams
Aren't lopsided...
Hmm... Sky, you're now
On team gih-noh-say-wuk.
Wow. I...
Guess I gotta go.
Hey, this doesn't change
Anything,
We can still-
You're in my seat!
Gone with you!
(Sobbing)
It's not like
We're on different islands.
There's still a sh*t, right?
I'll miss dave,
But at least now he knows
That there's no sh*t.
Chris:
So we had eight
And eight remain.
But I promise we'll feed that
Cannon some human next time,
Here on
"Total drama pahkitew island!"
Chris:
On the next "total drama":
Things get a little snakey.
Jasmine tells sky
That there is no love.
Sugar enjoys the unintentional
Comedy stylings of max.
And, to no one's surprise,
Dave cries!
(Laughs)
Oh, man, I wanna see that!
(Laughs)
Join us as the emotions
Run high
On "total drama
Pahkitew island!"
05x20 - This is the Pits!
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Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.
Canadian animated comedy of teenagers who compete in a reality show in parody of reality shows.