02x07 - Messy

[bunniefuu]

I'm sorry. Do you know
where the library is?

Hey, you guys go on ahead, okay?

- For those of you who don't know,
- I'm Zoey.

- this is Cash Mooney.
- I'm Cash.

Cal U student, my ex-boyfriend...

...superstar basketball player...

and the dude who was
responsible for creating

one of the biggest uproars
in Cal U history.

And I'm not talking about

the time he posted about my virginity.

Cash, what the hell?!

How could you put my business
out there like that?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Wait, I should

probably break this down.

Like most college stories,

it started with a party.

But the night really became
interesting when Cash

came through, and, of course,
he was celebrated like

only a future first-round NBA
draft pick could be.

So, he met a girl...

...they shared some drinks..

...and they shared a lot more drinks.

And then they shared a night.

The next morning, she shared
the story with her friend.

- Oh, my God.
- Hi.

It happened. Cash and I hooked up.

Oh, no!

Uh, uh, give me the deets.

Was it legendary, epic?

Uh, yeah.

I... I think. Who cares?

It was Cash Mooney.

Cash Mooney.

Yeah, I swear to God.

She said they were faded.

Bad luck for dude, though, and the team.

Totally blacked out, like,
completely unconscious.

- Dude's a monster.
- He's disgusting.

Oh, my God. Did you
guys hear about Cash Mooney?

- Yeah, that's crazy.
- Man, that's whack.

So, a bad game of telephone mixed with

our current sociopolitical climate

threw our university into an uproar.

When, as a result, a new policy
was implemented campus-wide.

What the hell's
Enthusiastic Sober Consent?

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

Looks like your boy

really messed up on this one.

He didn't mess up.

And he's not her boy.

Look, did you even read the article?

I mean, the girl who hooked up with Cash

said it was a huge misunderstanding

and that they're cool.

Hey.

Hey.

I just wanted to check in.

This is all so crazy.

Yeah, I know.

Look, I'm so sorry
if I misread the situation.

You didn't.

To be clear, I mean, we had some drinks,

but that night was
completely consensual.

So, how did this all blow up?

I mean, I had a conversation
with my friend.

He got things twisted,

and then it all got out of control.

This is such a nightmare.

Yeah, it... it is.

Again, I'm really sorry.

Well, I'm glad they're cool,

because the rest of
the school is screwed.

I mean, this whole

Enthusiastic Sober Consent thing
is some bull.

What does Enthusiastic Sober
Consent even mean?

Mutual, voluntary consent,
communicated clearly before

and during any sexual activity.

It basically means
that when you're hooking up,

you have to ask for permission
every stage of the game.

Like, "Oh, can I kiss you?

Can I rub you? Can I touch your boobs?"

It's too much.

Okay, first off, it's "May I?"

Nothing's a bigger
bonerkiller than bad grammar.

Except maybe correcting bad grammar.

Can I finish?

I don't know.

May you finish?

Okay, look, nobody's gonna be finishing

with this massively unsexy policy.

Isn't it just about safety, though?

I mean, first day of freshman year,

we had the seminar
about protecting ourselves

against sexual as*ault, and even, like,

think about our group dynamics.

We have the buddy system.

We never leave our drinks unattended.

Why is that? I think this policy's just

an extension of that,

and I don't see what the problem is.

Really? You don't get
how unsexy it is to stop

and double check between
hand and mouth stuff?

I get how unsexy it is

hearing you talk about
hand and mouth stuff.

Can we forget about how not-sexy
something is for a second?

I mean, women are
and continue to be assaulted

on campuses everywhere,
and just because it wasn't

the case this one time
between Cash and the girl

doesn't mean it's not
happening constantly.

Absolutely. And I for one think
consent can be pretty sexy.

I don't know what you just said,
but whatever it was,

it's an enthusiastic "hell yes."

So, then that means
you're in on the policy.

- Hell no.
- I, uh, I think

I'm with Vivek on this one.
I mean, it's gonna decimate

our entire college experience.

We came here to meet new people,

get trashed with them,
and then have sex with them.

- Yes.
- Bingo.

Well, the university would just prefer

if you do those things one at a time.

It's supposed to help us have
positive sexual experiences.

What is more positive
than drunk and sloppy sex?

Church? Get on board.

- Amen.
- Whatever. I don't need...

I don't need the school telling
me how to behave when I drink.

- Well, some people do.
- Yeah, like creepy-ass Cash.

No, I'm talking about Ana.

You just gonna let her
call you out like that?

I do get sloppy.

Why you keep playing
games with me, Burt?

Where are we going?

We're just gonna get some fresh air.

No! I don't need fresh air.

Chloe?

Ms. Torres, I'd really just like to get

my chicken strips, please.

Whatever. I feel safer with
this policy in place.

Yeah, me too. I feel like it's gonna

be a really good thing.

Well, I mean, yeah, of course you do,

because it's designed
to protect you, not me.

Okay, Aaron. You know that this policy

is not meant to keep the man down.

It's meant to protect all students.

How? I don't see dudes
out here getting assaulted.

False.

I know some dudes that
have been assaulted.

By women?

Hmm?

Nah, that's ridiculous.

Uh, not really.

It's actually a lot more
common than you think.

Yeah, like poor Wade.

Who is Wade?

Just one of my boys
who happened to be at a party

one night and found himself
in a compromising

sexual situation with two women.

What? Dude, that's not an as*ault.

That's called the dream
I had last night.

- It's wonderful.
- No, man. I'm serious.

It was at the end of the night.

He was at a party, these two chicks

are pressuring him to get down,
and he wasn't into it.

But he didn't want to say no
and get called a punk,

so he let them do mouth stuff to him.

So I'm supposed
to run a charity 5k for your boy

that got domed up by two chicks?

Okay, let's be clear.
Vivek is out of his mind.

We know that. But, devil's advocate,

how is his homie's scenario
any different

if the gender roles were reversed?

Because women have
a huge physical disadvantage

compared to guys.

Yeah, and I highly doubt
that punk-ass Wade

felt physically threatened by two girls.

And this kind of talk is exactly why

Wade felt he had to get domed up.

No, this kind of talk is why
dude felt like he couldn't

say anything in the first place,
and the fact that we're legit

sitting here joking about it
is super problematic.

Okay, fair, but how is
this policy even enforceable?

I mean, who here's actually gonna

stop drinking and hooking up?

Well, I could see...

Oh, wow, okay,
so the two biggest supporters

of this thing aren't
even gonna follow it.

You see, this is what I'm saying.

Who is this even for?

I'll tell you who... the university.

If something goes down,
they want to be able

to wash their hands of it
and say, "We had a rule."

- Mm-hmm.
- Absolutely, as usual,

the administration is
just covering its own ass.

But honestly, who cares,
because if this policy

stops one incident from happening,

I'd say it's worth it.

Well, dude doesn't have
to worry about that anymore.

What are you talking about?

Check the Shade Room.

Cash is leaving school.

What?

Boom. How do you like
your policy now, Freshman?

Huh?

Mm, mm, mm.

Poor little Cash.

While my crew and I were trying to get

our heads around Cal U's new

Enthusiastic Sober Consent policy,

a new problematic twist
in my ex-boyfriend Cash's

story added to the confusion.

Okay, so, it says that
Cash is leaving Cal U

to play ball in Europe.

He probably left because he wanted to.

Or 'cause he looks mad Sus.

Like, I don't know,
he can only get girls

when they're, uh...
when they're super faded.

Hold on, now, okay.
Some of us need a little alcohol

to help with our game. All right?

If Cal U won't let me drink
while I hit on a girl,

I might as well transfer.

I mean, you saw me
at the party that night.

Hey, it's flu season.

Have you ladies gotten your sh*ts?

Somebody call wine-one-one?

I could very clearly argue

that alcohol hurts
your game tremendously.

Like you never use booze
to help with the ladies.

Unlike you, Vivek,
I don't need help, right?

My game has just naturally evolved.

I'm sorry I'm not evolved
enough to use the "ThotFax."

I'm sorry. A "ThotFax"?

You know, um, well...

...it's just like,
you know, you don't bring

a car home unless you check the CarFax.

You don't bring a girl home
unless you check the ThotFax.

Odd that you didn't just
call it the "GirlFax."

- Yeah.
- Look, before I even go to a party,

I've already got
my homies giving me Intel

about which girls are at the party,

so that way, by the time
I'm at said party,

I'm just Robocopping the room.

Hmm, interesting.

So Michelle Obama types are your thing.

Not always.

Now that is some
sexist bullshit right there.

Girl, you know we do it, too.

It's how you figure out
who the Dirty D. Derek

- of the world are.
- Mmm...

Look, the point is,
I don't need alcohol, okay?

I rely on my ThotFax,
my charisma, and, you know,

my turn-up moves on the dance floor.

Mm! No, mnh-mnh-mnh.

Pause, I have seen you
on the dance floor,

and that turn up needs
to be turned, like,

- all the way down.
- All the way.

What?

Like, legit, your moves blocked
the hall to the bathroom.

Yeah, you know girls got UTIs

'cause they didn't want to get,
like, kicked in the face.

Those girls got UTIs.

I got Y-E-S's.

All right, but all
those "yes's" you're getting,

how do you know that
they're enthusiastic?

What? Why would a girl dance with me

if she didn't want to dance with me?

Uh, we do a lot of things
we don't want to do because

we're "supposed to be nice and polite."

- Mm-hmm.
- And, news flash,

it happens on the dance floor
and in the bedroom.

No women are in my bed
to be polite. Trust.

No one is in your bed period, trust.

No, but I know lots
of girls who get with a guy,

they start making out,
and then, you know,

things start to happen,
and then, you know,

it gets to a point
where stopping would just

make it awkward or messy,
and you just go through with it.

Wait. So, wait, wait, wait.

So you're telling me
that you're having sex

just to be polite?

I haven't.

What I'm saying is it does happen.

Like... Like, uh, when you
order food at a restaurant,

and you change your mind.

No one ever wants to be
that person to send it back.

- Seriously?
- What?

Please, I've sent back plenty of food.

And dicks.

Guys, this literally sounds insane.

Men are not mind-readers.

If she doesn't say anything,

how am I supposed to know
how she's feeling?

Eh, he does kind of have a point.

Okay, fine.

I will concede to his
if he concedes to mine...

that this policy is really important.

It's weird, though, that you
support this policy so much,

just 'cause on the night of the party,

technically you would've been busted.

I was sober that whole night.

Well, you might've been,
but hipster dude

with that bolo tie you
brought home definitely wasn't.

- Bolo tie?
- Ooh, yeah, he was gone.

You want to get out of here?

Where's my bolo tie?

It's around your neck, sweetie.

Come on. Let's go.

Oh.

Oh, so bolo ties are your thing?

Not always.

The point is, Ana, even though
you soberly consented,

Mumford & Sons could not.

So congrats

on violating your beloved policy.

- She isn't wrong.
- Nope.

Yeah, you know, you would know.
You're always in violation.

Luca is never sober.

Facts.

Okay, but we're in a relationship.

So? The policy does not care.

No, it definitely does not.

People in relationships,
dudes with no game,

girls with... bad taste,

and dudes who have no self awareness

on the dance floor, it screws everyone.

All right, look,
I-I get that this policy

has its flaws, but if it makes people

slow down and think,
that's a good thing.

I mean, if we had it last week,
maybe Cash and that girl

would have stopped and slowed down,

and her credibility wouldn't be
called into question

and Cash would still be here.

- Still be here?
- Yeah.

So this is about dude?

What?

Explains why you've been

riding for this policy so hard.

Whatever. On that note,

I think I'm out.

Oh, dude. Okay.

Wow.

It isn't about dude for me,
but apparently,

it is for him.

Dude, hello!

What began as a group debate
of a new policy at Cal U

had suddenly turned into
a fight for me and Luca.

Why are you making
this whole thing about Cash?

Mm, pretty sure you're
making it about Cash.

What? When?

You know, we're in there
discussing the policy,

and it's not like I'm on dude's side.

Really? 'Cause the other night,

you really seemed like
you were Team Cash.

- What's up?!
- Oh. Oh, hey.

It's the curly-headed cup...

Uh, they don't call me that anymore!

So, how you doing?

Good, good.

Seriously? That's why you're so pressed?

Well, I wasn't gonna talk about
your little "reunion"...

- My reunion?
- ...but now you want to

sit up here and defend dude,
talk about how you wish

he was still here, so...

First of all, that's not what I said,

and second of all,
you're being delusional

because nothing happened that night.

What's up?

- Oh!
- It's the curly-headed cup...

Um, actually, they don't
call me that anymore.

Such a lie. Five people have
called me "cup bitch" tonight.

So, uh, how you doing?

Good, good.

Um... you look good.

Thank you.

I see you over there with your boy.

You look happy.

We are.

You deserve it. You deserve it.

Thank you. Well, it was
really good to see you.

Yeah, same.

So...

You know what? That's... That's on me.

Yeah. You know what? It is.

Zoey, I'm sorry.

All right, well, why don't you consider

talking to me next time
rather than treating me

like I'd ever be disloyal?

You can go somewhere with that.

Oh, honey.

Watching "Rizzoli and Isles"

is not gonna make you feel any better.

It really isn't.

Look, you and Luca are gonna be fine.

Everybody knows that you don't
care is Cash is leaving.

That's not what I'm upset about.

It's this whole

"Enthusiastic Sober Consent" thing.

Like, on the surface,
Luca thought that he saw

me and Cash doing something wrong,

and when we dug in deeper,
he understood that it was

a harmless situation.

And it just feels like
the policy is kind of the same.

Like, on the surface, it's super simple.

It's here to protect us,
which is such a no-brainer.

But when you dig in deeper,
you understand that it...

it has its flaws, and I-I-I don't know.

Like, maybe you're right.

Maybe we don't need this whole thing.

Yeah, or maybe I'm not.

She's definitely not.

No, look, do I want people to feel safe?

Of course I do. I just... I worry that

the policy's too black and white.

Okay, yeah, fine.

I-It doesn't solve everything, but look.

It's making us talk
and think about stuff.

Really uncomfortable stuff,
and my worry is, like,

what is just talk
actually going to change?

Okay, well, hopefully
it makes us more aware

so that we can protect ourselves.

And, you know, at the very least,

be 100% accountable with each other.

Yeah, true.

Don't worry, she'll get it.

Hey.

Hey.

Just wondering, uh, if I could
make things up to you.

Maybe split these bottles of extremely,

extremely non-alcoholic Mexican sodas?

Can I come in?

May you come in.

Wh... Why is she like that?

I don't know.

Um... look.

I'm sorry. I trust you.

I should've trusted you enough
to talk to you about it.

May I come in?

Sure.

I'm gonna need you to say that

with a little more enthusiasm.

I can't do this without alcohol.

Yes, you can. You got this, okay?

You're just in your head.
We both can do this.

No booze for you, no dancing for me.

We don't even need it.
We fi... Oh, this is my jam.

No, no. You said we got this.

I don't got a damn thing.

Yeah, me neither.

- Ugh.
- Hey! What...

Hey, you ladies want some sh*ts?