07x09 - Chicken Poofs/Stupid Cupid
Posted: 12/03/22 11:53
- ♪ Timmy is an average kid
♪ That no one understands
♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪
- Bed, twerp!
- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪
♪ Is broken instantly
♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪
♪ 'Cause in reality
♪ They are his oddparents
♪ Fairly oddparents
- Wands and wings.
- Float-y crown-y things.
- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪
♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪
- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,
Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!
- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪
♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪
♪ With fairly oddparents
- Yeah, right.
- Cock-a-doody-doo!
Cock-a-doody-doo!
- Ah! If I hear another chicken sound,
My head's going to explode.
- Cock-a-doody-doo!
Cock-a-doody-doo!
- What's wrong with poof?
- He's got the chicken poofs.
It's a fairy childhood illness that turns you into a chicken.
- Luckily, it's not contagious.
- Achoo!
- Yee!
- Actually, it's highly contagious.
- Luckily, I'm immune.
- I've already called dr. Rip studwell.
In the meantime, this should keep you from getting sick.
- Oh, dr. Studwell, thank goodness you're here.
- Well, when I heard poof was sick,
I played a quick holes of golf and rushed right over.
Now let's check out our little patient.
Hmm, looking good.
- Are you crazy?
He's got feathers and a beak.
- I was talking about me.
Now, wanda, why don't you cook up this chicken
While I examine the patient?
- That chicken [span]is[/span]poof.
He's got the chicken poofs.
- Excuse me, billy.
Did you go to medical school?
Fortunately, I have the remedy right here.
Once I give it to poof,
Everyone he's infected will be magically cured as well.
[All screaming]
What? Do I have spinach in my teeth?
- [Screams]
- Oh, no, poof flew the coop.
We better get him before he sneezes on my mom and dad.
- Achoo!
- Morning, timmy.
We're having cereal for breakfast.
Bawk! I mean eggs.
- Good morning, everyone.
I'm the cock of the walk.
- Ah! My parents have the chicken poofs!
We got to catch poof.
- [Together] mwah!
- Ooh, you taste like chicken.
- Ah, nothing like a nice warm bath with my loofah sponge
Before a day of crushing children's dreams.
I wish I had a rubber ducky.
Eh, I guess I'll have to settle for this.
- Achoo!
- Denzel, what should I pack in your lunch box today?
Ooh, how about chicken nuggets?
- Not the nuggets today!
[Lively music]
- Mommy's got you, poof.
Now, just hold still
While the nice doctor gives you your medicine.
[All scream]
- What, do I have a visible nostril hair?
[Screams]
[Both screams]
- [Squeals] - poof!
- Please tell me you have more medicine.
- Sadly, jerry, I don't.
The only way to get more
Is to go deep into the fairy world rainforest
And pick a rare flower.
It'll be dangerous, and survival is unlikely.
Here's a map, wanda. Call me if you get back.
- Oh, no. You're coming with me.
Cosmo, timmy, it's up to you to catch poof.
- Look, poof's heading into that insurance building.
- Oh, no! We already have insurance.
- Wow, brad.
Don't you love "bring your chicken hawk to work" day?
- I sure do, gene.
We sure are lucky
To work for a company that lets you bring in
Your vicious chicken-eating pet to the office.
- Achoo!
Achoo!
Achoo!
[Ominous music]
[Chickens clucking]
- Boy, I'd hate to be a chicken in this place.
Oh, wait.
Help!
- In two hours, my new restaurant,
Doug dimmadome's chicken dippin' dippadome,
Will be open for business.
All I need for a perfect openin' day
Is my truck full of farm-fresh frozen chicken.
Beep!
- Chad ubetcha here with breaking news.
A truck full of farm-fresh frozen chickens
Bound for doug dimmadome's chicken dippin' dippadome
Has just been carried away
By a flock of hungry chicken hawks.
- Dimmadang.
Now where am I gonna get , chickens.
[Chickens clucking]
It's my clucky day.
To the cluck truck!
[Rock music]
♪
- Uh, where are we?
I'm worried about poof.
Wow, it's hot.
What time is it?
- Quiet.
- What? Did you hear something?
- No, I just want you to be quiet.
There it is, the ancient temple of the clucktunia flower.
Picking it won't be easy.
There'll be danger at every turn.
Good luck.
- Wait a minute.
Why am I the one who's going?
- Because according to legend,
Only women can enter the temple and survive.
- Well, we are smarter than men.
- Yes, she bought the legend thing.
[Chickens clucking]
[Dramatic music]
- This doesn't look too dangerous.
[Triumphant musical flourish]
[Rumbling]
[Screams]
I've got the flower, and I'm out of danger.
Or not.
- Poof, come back!
Well, at least he's out of the city,
Where there aren't any people.
- Except maybe that giant stadium
Filled with a crowd of thousands.
- [Screams] cosmo, do something!
- You got it, timmy.
I'll poof us up some peanuts and a big foam finger.
- No, do something to stop poof before he sneezes on the crowd.
- A--
- Look, that giant purple blimp looks just like poof.
- That giant purple blimp is poof!
[Chickens clucking]
- Yee haw!
I hit the chicken jackpot.
The chicken dippin' dippadome is back in business.
Have a coupon, son.
It's good for a free cluck shake.
- Oh, no!
Doug dimmadome's opening a chicken restaurant today.
Everyone that was in that stadium
Is going to end up on the menu!
[Exotic music]
- Wanda, I'm afraid there's good news and bad news.
The bad news is,
They're going to sacrifice you to the giant jungle eel
Who lives at the top of this volcano.
- What's the good news?
- Rita here has agreed to have brunch with me on sunday.
- [Screaming]
[All cheer]
[Screaming]
- Check it out, honey.
We have the biggest nest on the street.
- Oh, I hate to ruffle your feathers, dear,
But the neighbors' nest is even bigger.
- Curse you, dinkle birds!
- Oh, no!
Doug's going to cook my mom and dad!
Where's wanda?
- Dr. Studwell, we've got the flower.
Why can't we just crush it up, make the medicine for my baby,
And poof back home?
- Wanda, our quest is not complete.
Now, duck through those bushes.
[Jubilant music]
You'll have to stay outside;
Only men can survive in there.
- It's a pharmacy!
How do we get the medicine to poof
By bringing the flower in here?
- Quiet. - Why, did you hear something?
- No, I just want you to be quiet.
Hello, dolores.
You look lovely today.
Here's that flower I promised you.
- Thanks, dr. Studwell.
And here's the medicine you ordered.
- Are you kidding me?
The medicine was here all along?
- Yes, but when I give her flowers,
She gives me a % discount.
Ow!
I'm not paying for that.
- Welcome to the dippadome,
Where we're going to have y'all for dinner.
[Liquid bubbling]
[All scream and cluck]
- Everyone that I know and love--
And mr. Crocker--
Are headed for the fryer!
We've got to shut down that conveyor belt.
Cosmo, throw the switch!
[Fast-paced dramatic music]
- I did it, timmy. I did it!
- Guys, what took you so long?
- Look, there's poof.
- He's right under the super sticky peanut butter sauce!
- Oh, gotcha, sweetie!
Just close your eyes.
It won't hurt a bit.
- Of course it won't hurt.
All you have to do
Is drink the medicine from this little cup.
- What?
Why didn't you tell us he could drink it out of a little cup?
- Oh, please.
Did you really think I'd give a sh*t that size to a baby?
This is a playfully themed carrying case.
I got it on the internet
Along with this chainsaw-shaped wallet.
Oh!
Just a sip will do the trick.
[Slurps]
[Musical fanfare]
- I'm cured!
Ha! You chicken hawks don't scare me now!
[All screaming]
- I wish the conveyor belt would stop right now!
[All cheering]
- Ah!
You people stole my chickens.
I'm ruined.
- No, you're not, mr. Dimmadome.
Look at all these eggs.
You can serve them with dipping sauce.
- What an egg-cellent idea.
This is doug dimmadome inviting you
To tonight's grand opening
Of doug dimmadome's egg dippin' dippadome,
Where the food is egg-straordinary.
- We did it, guys.
Doug's back in business,
And best of all, nobody's a chicken anymore.
- [Span]guten tag![/Span]
Who vants a vienerschnitzel?
- Ah! What's wrong with cosmo?
- Looks like a case of the german weasels.
- Achoo!
Wanda, we must obtain a rare schnitzel from heidelberg.
Don't worry; I know greta in the pharmacy.
I get five euros off if I give her a schnauzer.
I thought I was hot before, but this is ridiculous.
- Great.
The school romance dance is saturday night,
And, as usual, I don't have a date.
Well, at least none of my friends do either.
- Timmy, isn't it awesome?
We all have dates for the romance dance.
I created them in my lab.
- [Hisses]
- Yee! That was creepy.
- Well, I bet sanjay doesn't have a date.
- Timmy, meet my date, kimmy.
- I have three goldfish.
- That was even creepier.
- That settles it.
I'm going to ask trixie to the dance.
I mean, the worst she can do is say no, right?
Will you go to the dance with me?
- No.
- Yay, fish sticks!
Fish is brain food.
I read that in-- um, what am I talking about?
- Oh, no, I got another love letter from juandissimo.
He keeps sending me these smoochy notes
With his photo
And a statue of himself made of beef jerky.
- The nerve of that guy.
I'd tell him to stop,
But his juan-jerkimo is [span]muy caliente.[/Span]
That's spanish for something.
- Oh, love stinks.
I wish there were some way to make trixie fall for me.
I wonder if she'd take cash.
- Well, we'd like to help, sport,
But you know the rules.
Our magic can't help you with love.
- But there is someone whose magic can help:
That diaper dynamo of desire, cupid.
- Diaper, swim diaper, formal diaper,
Casual diaper, weekend diaper, party diaper,
Diaper cream, uninvited guests.
- Cupid, I need a favor.
Will you sh**t one of your love arrows at a girl
So she'll go to the dance with me?
- Sorry, kid. Cupid is off the clock.
I have been working my tushy off,
And I need a vacation.
So I'm going on the fiesta del mexico cruise.
[Trills]
That's spanish for something.
Well, toodles.
- Don't worry, timmy.
I'm sure you'll think of something really irresponsible
That'll totally backfire in the end.
- Mm, I know.
We'll take cupid's bow and arrows
And sh**t trixie ourselves.
- Hold on.
Messing with cupid's arrows is really risky.
Besides, they're guarded by his love birds.
- Like I'm really scared of some dinky love birds.
[Squawking loudly]
- Fetch the jerky!
- Yes! Romance dance, here I come.
Okay, when trixie gets hit by one of these love arrows,
She's going to fall for the first thing she sees,
And that'll be me.
Awesome, cosmo!
You knew I was going to ask you to play cupid,
So you put on a diaper.
- Uh...
Right.
- Timmy, I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
If those arrows end up in the wrong butt,
You could ruin somebody's life.
Juandissimo!
I love you.
In fact, I'm coming to you now.
- Oh, no!
My life is ruined!
On the bright side, maybe she'll bring back more jerky.
- At least we know the arrows work.
Let's go!
Okay, when trixie opens her door,
You hit her with an arrow.
[Doorbell rings]
I meant sh**t her with an arrow!
- What is it, now?
- [Sighs] - hey, trixie.
Will you--
[Screams]
- Good-bye, hideous blight on my lawn.
I mean, hello, love of my life!
I'm going to call you rosie,
And you can call me... Any time.
Ah! Thorns!
- Ah, wanda,
So beautiful yet so unattainable.
Some men would tire of this endless pursuit,
But I live for the chase.
Wanda, what a surprise.
I was just about to send you more juan-jerkimo.
Like my love for you, it is [span]muy caliente.[/Span]
That is spanish for something.
- Oh, forget the jerky.
Kiss me!
Uh, wait a minute.
This isn't how it works.
I am supposed to chase you,
And you are supposed to run coquettishly away.
- Pucker up, jerky boy.
- You have juan-jerkimo on your teeth.
Perhaps you should floss and brush first.
In the name of erik estrada, now you are scaring me.
- [Howls]
- Cosmo, try to be more accurate.
- You got it.
Hey, what's "accurate" mean?
Is that spanish for something?
Wow, you're gorgeous.
Come to papa.
Stop playing hard to get!
- Please, wanda.
Can't we just be friends?
Or distant pen pals?
[Screams]
Leaping lorenzo lamas!
[School bell rings]
- How do I love me?
Let me count the ways.
One, seven, avocado, europe--
- Cosmo, focus.
I'm putting my picture all over the place
So no matter where trixie looks, she'll fall in love with me.
- Hurry, timmy!
We have to stop your father from marrying a rosebush.
- Turner, I heard about your weirdo dad,
So I brought you an "a" to cheer you up.
You get an "f" for foolishly believing I'd give you an "a."
- Cosmo, there's trixie!
sh**t!
- Ooh!
- Eh!
- Why, mr. Crocker, I love you, even if you are
The most repulsive creature in the universe.
- Let's go home to meet mother.
Just don't eat anything she feeds you.
- Okay, that's seriously a problem.
But more importantly, trixie's getting away,
And we're down to one arrow!
[Romantic music]
- Timmy.
Wait, did I just say, "timmy"?
- Trixie--ow!-- Will you--ow--
Go to the--ooch!--Romance dance--ah!--With me?
- Yes, I love you, timmy turner.
- This is the best day eve--
[Upbeat rock music]
[People talking and laughing]
- Finally, I'm at the romance dance
With the girl of my dreams.
- Me too, and her name is cosmo.
- There she is.
[People gasp]
[Romantic music]
♪
- This is so romantic.
Kiss me.
- You bet.
Nothing could spoil this moment.
- Sorry to spoil this moment,
But I have a special announcement to make
About everyone's favorite teacher.
- Miss connors? - No.
- Miss davenport? - No.
- Mrs. Snickerpoodle?
- Now you're just making up names!
It's me, you dimwits!
I'm getting married.
I'd like you to meet my fiancee, timmy turner's mom.
- Oh, mr. Crocker, this is so exciting.
I can't wait to marry you.
- We can get hitched right outside.
Thanks to a shady fly-by-night website,
Mother is a justice of the peace.
- Say, rosie, how about we make it a double wedding?
[Organ plays]
- Come on, timmy.
Let's finally kiss
And make this the greatest night of your life.
[Gulps]
- Ah!
I can't let my parents marry mr. Crocker and a rosebush.
As much as I want to kiss you,
I've got to save my family.
- Do you, denzel, take timmy's mom to be your wife?
Hurry up and say, "I do" before she comes to her senses.
- I do.
- And do you, timmy's dad,
Take this dead rosebush to be your wife?
- [Sobbing]
I do!
- Do you, timmy's mom, take denzel to be your husband?
- Wait!
Ha ha! Psych.
Cosmo!
- You hold it right there, sweetness.
The kid wants me.
- This is out of control.
I wish cupid were here right now!
[Trilling]
Hey, what's the big idea?
I was just about to win the big cruise ship limbo contest.
- I'm sorry, cupid, but you've got to help me.
I took your love arrows,
And now my dad's going to marry a rosebush,
And mom's going to marry my crazy teacher.
- What?
How dare you touch my stuff, mister?
Give it back.
You can keep that.
All right, I'll clean up your little mess.
But it will cost you.
Stand back while I fire my anti-love arrows.
- It's over.
It's not you; it's me.
But it's mostly you.
- We're through.
It's not you; it's me.
But it's mostly you.
- Sweet mother of j.lo!
Wanda, you win.
I surrender myself to your nutsy cuckoo love.
In the name of gloria estefan
And her entire miami sound machine,
Do with me what you will!
- Are you crazy?
I'm a married woman!
- Now, that's my wanda.
- Where was i? Oh, yes.
Do you, timmy's mom, take denzel to be your husband?
- She does! She does!
- Cupid, fire!
- Pucker up, timmy's mom.
- Are you crazy?
I'm a married woman.
- You caused a lot of trouble, young man.
And as your punishment,
You're gonna wash all my vacation diapers.
I hope you learned your lesson.
[Trills]
- Man, I'm glad that's over with.
My parents are still together, and everything's back to normal.
- Hey, timmy.
I'm taking your mother out to dinner.
Wait'll you see the new outfit I bought her.
- I think there's a squirrel in here.
- You'll get used to it.
[Squirrel growls]
♪ That no one understands
♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪
- Bed, twerp!
- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪
♪ Is broken instantly
♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪
♪ 'Cause in reality
♪ They are his oddparents
♪ Fairly oddparents
- Wands and wings.
- Float-y crown-y things.
- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪
♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪
- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,
Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!
- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪
♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪
♪ With fairly oddparents
- Yeah, right.
- Cock-a-doody-doo!
Cock-a-doody-doo!
- Ah! If I hear another chicken sound,
My head's going to explode.
- Cock-a-doody-doo!
Cock-a-doody-doo!
- What's wrong with poof?
- He's got the chicken poofs.
It's a fairy childhood illness that turns you into a chicken.
- Luckily, it's not contagious.
- Achoo!
- Yee!
- Actually, it's highly contagious.
- Luckily, I'm immune.
- I've already called dr. Rip studwell.
In the meantime, this should keep you from getting sick.
- Oh, dr. Studwell, thank goodness you're here.
- Well, when I heard poof was sick,
I played a quick holes of golf and rushed right over.
Now let's check out our little patient.
Hmm, looking good.
- Are you crazy?
He's got feathers and a beak.
- I was talking about me.
Now, wanda, why don't you cook up this chicken
While I examine the patient?
- That chicken [span]is[/span]poof.
He's got the chicken poofs.
- Excuse me, billy.
Did you go to medical school?
Fortunately, I have the remedy right here.
Once I give it to poof,
Everyone he's infected will be magically cured as well.
[All screaming]
What? Do I have spinach in my teeth?
- [Screams]
- Oh, no, poof flew the coop.
We better get him before he sneezes on my mom and dad.
- Achoo!
- Morning, timmy.
We're having cereal for breakfast.
Bawk! I mean eggs.
- Good morning, everyone.
I'm the cock of the walk.
- Ah! My parents have the chicken poofs!
We got to catch poof.
- [Together] mwah!
- Ooh, you taste like chicken.
- Ah, nothing like a nice warm bath with my loofah sponge
Before a day of crushing children's dreams.
I wish I had a rubber ducky.
Eh, I guess I'll have to settle for this.
- Achoo!
- Denzel, what should I pack in your lunch box today?
Ooh, how about chicken nuggets?
- Not the nuggets today!
[Lively music]
- Mommy's got you, poof.
Now, just hold still
While the nice doctor gives you your medicine.
[All scream]
- What, do I have a visible nostril hair?
[Screams]
[Both screams]
- [Squeals] - poof!
- Please tell me you have more medicine.
- Sadly, jerry, I don't.
The only way to get more
Is to go deep into the fairy world rainforest
And pick a rare flower.
It'll be dangerous, and survival is unlikely.
Here's a map, wanda. Call me if you get back.
- Oh, no. You're coming with me.
Cosmo, timmy, it's up to you to catch poof.
- Look, poof's heading into that insurance building.
- Oh, no! We already have insurance.
- Wow, brad.
Don't you love "bring your chicken hawk to work" day?
- I sure do, gene.
We sure are lucky
To work for a company that lets you bring in
Your vicious chicken-eating pet to the office.
- Achoo!
Achoo!
Achoo!
[Ominous music]
[Chickens clucking]
- Boy, I'd hate to be a chicken in this place.
Oh, wait.
Help!
- In two hours, my new restaurant,
Doug dimmadome's chicken dippin' dippadome,
Will be open for business.
All I need for a perfect openin' day
Is my truck full of farm-fresh frozen chicken.
Beep!
- Chad ubetcha here with breaking news.
A truck full of farm-fresh frozen chickens
Bound for doug dimmadome's chicken dippin' dippadome
Has just been carried away
By a flock of hungry chicken hawks.
- Dimmadang.
Now where am I gonna get , chickens.
[Chickens clucking]
It's my clucky day.
To the cluck truck!
[Rock music]
♪
- Uh, where are we?
I'm worried about poof.
Wow, it's hot.
What time is it?
- Quiet.
- What? Did you hear something?
- No, I just want you to be quiet.
There it is, the ancient temple of the clucktunia flower.
Picking it won't be easy.
There'll be danger at every turn.
Good luck.
- Wait a minute.
Why am I the one who's going?
- Because according to legend,
Only women can enter the temple and survive.
- Well, we are smarter than men.
- Yes, she bought the legend thing.
[Chickens clucking]
[Dramatic music]
- This doesn't look too dangerous.
[Triumphant musical flourish]
[Rumbling]
[Screams]
I've got the flower, and I'm out of danger.
Or not.
- Poof, come back!
Well, at least he's out of the city,
Where there aren't any people.
- Except maybe that giant stadium
Filled with a crowd of thousands.
- [Screams] cosmo, do something!
- You got it, timmy.
I'll poof us up some peanuts and a big foam finger.
- No, do something to stop poof before he sneezes on the crowd.
- A--
- Look, that giant purple blimp looks just like poof.
- That giant purple blimp is poof!
[Chickens clucking]
- Yee haw!
I hit the chicken jackpot.
The chicken dippin' dippadome is back in business.
Have a coupon, son.
It's good for a free cluck shake.
- Oh, no!
Doug dimmadome's opening a chicken restaurant today.
Everyone that was in that stadium
Is going to end up on the menu!
[Exotic music]
- Wanda, I'm afraid there's good news and bad news.
The bad news is,
They're going to sacrifice you to the giant jungle eel
Who lives at the top of this volcano.
- What's the good news?
- Rita here has agreed to have brunch with me on sunday.
- [Screaming]
[All cheer]
[Screaming]
- Check it out, honey.
We have the biggest nest on the street.
- Oh, I hate to ruffle your feathers, dear,
But the neighbors' nest is even bigger.
- Curse you, dinkle birds!
- Oh, no!
Doug's going to cook my mom and dad!
Where's wanda?
- Dr. Studwell, we've got the flower.
Why can't we just crush it up, make the medicine for my baby,
And poof back home?
- Wanda, our quest is not complete.
Now, duck through those bushes.
[Jubilant music]
You'll have to stay outside;
Only men can survive in there.
- It's a pharmacy!
How do we get the medicine to poof
By bringing the flower in here?
- Quiet. - Why, did you hear something?
- No, I just want you to be quiet.
Hello, dolores.
You look lovely today.
Here's that flower I promised you.
- Thanks, dr. Studwell.
And here's the medicine you ordered.
- Are you kidding me?
The medicine was here all along?
- Yes, but when I give her flowers,
She gives me a % discount.
Ow!
I'm not paying for that.
- Welcome to the dippadome,
Where we're going to have y'all for dinner.
[Liquid bubbling]
[All scream and cluck]
- Everyone that I know and love--
And mr. Crocker--
Are headed for the fryer!
We've got to shut down that conveyor belt.
Cosmo, throw the switch!
[Fast-paced dramatic music]
- I did it, timmy. I did it!
- Guys, what took you so long?
- Look, there's poof.
- He's right under the super sticky peanut butter sauce!
- Oh, gotcha, sweetie!
Just close your eyes.
It won't hurt a bit.
- Of course it won't hurt.
All you have to do
Is drink the medicine from this little cup.
- What?
Why didn't you tell us he could drink it out of a little cup?
- Oh, please.
Did you really think I'd give a sh*t that size to a baby?
This is a playfully themed carrying case.
I got it on the internet
Along with this chainsaw-shaped wallet.
Oh!
Just a sip will do the trick.
[Slurps]
[Musical fanfare]
- I'm cured!
Ha! You chicken hawks don't scare me now!
[All screaming]
- I wish the conveyor belt would stop right now!
[All cheering]
- Ah!
You people stole my chickens.
I'm ruined.
- No, you're not, mr. Dimmadome.
Look at all these eggs.
You can serve them with dipping sauce.
- What an egg-cellent idea.
This is doug dimmadome inviting you
To tonight's grand opening
Of doug dimmadome's egg dippin' dippadome,
Where the food is egg-straordinary.
- We did it, guys.
Doug's back in business,
And best of all, nobody's a chicken anymore.
- [Span]guten tag![/Span]
Who vants a vienerschnitzel?
- Ah! What's wrong with cosmo?
- Looks like a case of the german weasels.
- Achoo!
Wanda, we must obtain a rare schnitzel from heidelberg.
Don't worry; I know greta in the pharmacy.
I get five euros off if I give her a schnauzer.
I thought I was hot before, but this is ridiculous.
- Great.
The school romance dance is saturday night,
And, as usual, I don't have a date.
Well, at least none of my friends do either.
- Timmy, isn't it awesome?
We all have dates for the romance dance.
I created them in my lab.
- [Hisses]
- Yee! That was creepy.
- Well, I bet sanjay doesn't have a date.
- Timmy, meet my date, kimmy.
- I have three goldfish.
- That was even creepier.
- That settles it.
I'm going to ask trixie to the dance.
I mean, the worst she can do is say no, right?
Will you go to the dance with me?
- No.
- Yay, fish sticks!
Fish is brain food.
I read that in-- um, what am I talking about?
- Oh, no, I got another love letter from juandissimo.
He keeps sending me these smoochy notes
With his photo
And a statue of himself made of beef jerky.
- The nerve of that guy.
I'd tell him to stop,
But his juan-jerkimo is [span]muy caliente.[/Span]
That's spanish for something.
- Oh, love stinks.
I wish there were some way to make trixie fall for me.
I wonder if she'd take cash.
- Well, we'd like to help, sport,
But you know the rules.
Our magic can't help you with love.
- But there is someone whose magic can help:
That diaper dynamo of desire, cupid.
- Diaper, swim diaper, formal diaper,
Casual diaper, weekend diaper, party diaper,
Diaper cream, uninvited guests.
- Cupid, I need a favor.
Will you sh**t one of your love arrows at a girl
So she'll go to the dance with me?
- Sorry, kid. Cupid is off the clock.
I have been working my tushy off,
And I need a vacation.
So I'm going on the fiesta del mexico cruise.
[Trills]
That's spanish for something.
Well, toodles.
- Don't worry, timmy.
I'm sure you'll think of something really irresponsible
That'll totally backfire in the end.
- Mm, I know.
We'll take cupid's bow and arrows
And sh**t trixie ourselves.
- Hold on.
Messing with cupid's arrows is really risky.
Besides, they're guarded by his love birds.
- Like I'm really scared of some dinky love birds.
[Squawking loudly]
- Fetch the jerky!
- Yes! Romance dance, here I come.
Okay, when trixie gets hit by one of these love arrows,
She's going to fall for the first thing she sees,
And that'll be me.
Awesome, cosmo!
You knew I was going to ask you to play cupid,
So you put on a diaper.
- Uh...
Right.
- Timmy, I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
If those arrows end up in the wrong butt,
You could ruin somebody's life.
Juandissimo!
I love you.
In fact, I'm coming to you now.
- Oh, no!
My life is ruined!
On the bright side, maybe she'll bring back more jerky.
- At least we know the arrows work.
Let's go!
Okay, when trixie opens her door,
You hit her with an arrow.
[Doorbell rings]
I meant sh**t her with an arrow!
- What is it, now?
- [Sighs] - hey, trixie.
Will you--
[Screams]
- Good-bye, hideous blight on my lawn.
I mean, hello, love of my life!
I'm going to call you rosie,
And you can call me... Any time.
Ah! Thorns!
- Ah, wanda,
So beautiful yet so unattainable.
Some men would tire of this endless pursuit,
But I live for the chase.
Wanda, what a surprise.
I was just about to send you more juan-jerkimo.
Like my love for you, it is [span]muy caliente.[/Span]
That is spanish for something.
- Oh, forget the jerky.
Kiss me!
Uh, wait a minute.
This isn't how it works.
I am supposed to chase you,
And you are supposed to run coquettishly away.
- Pucker up, jerky boy.
- You have juan-jerkimo on your teeth.
Perhaps you should floss and brush first.
In the name of erik estrada, now you are scaring me.
- [Howls]
- Cosmo, try to be more accurate.
- You got it.
Hey, what's "accurate" mean?
Is that spanish for something?
Wow, you're gorgeous.
Come to papa.
Stop playing hard to get!
- Please, wanda.
Can't we just be friends?
Or distant pen pals?
[Screams]
Leaping lorenzo lamas!
[School bell rings]
- How do I love me?
Let me count the ways.
One, seven, avocado, europe--
- Cosmo, focus.
I'm putting my picture all over the place
So no matter where trixie looks, she'll fall in love with me.
- Hurry, timmy!
We have to stop your father from marrying a rosebush.
- Turner, I heard about your weirdo dad,
So I brought you an "a" to cheer you up.
You get an "f" for foolishly believing I'd give you an "a."
- Cosmo, there's trixie!
sh**t!
- Ooh!
- Eh!
- Why, mr. Crocker, I love you, even if you are
The most repulsive creature in the universe.
- Let's go home to meet mother.
Just don't eat anything she feeds you.
- Okay, that's seriously a problem.
But more importantly, trixie's getting away,
And we're down to one arrow!
[Romantic music]
- Timmy.
Wait, did I just say, "timmy"?
- Trixie--ow!-- Will you--ow--
Go to the--ooch!--Romance dance--ah!--With me?
- Yes, I love you, timmy turner.
- This is the best day eve--
[Upbeat rock music]
[People talking and laughing]
- Finally, I'm at the romance dance
With the girl of my dreams.
- Me too, and her name is cosmo.
- There she is.
[People gasp]
[Romantic music]
♪
- This is so romantic.
Kiss me.
- You bet.
Nothing could spoil this moment.
- Sorry to spoil this moment,
But I have a special announcement to make
About everyone's favorite teacher.
- Miss connors? - No.
- Miss davenport? - No.
- Mrs. Snickerpoodle?
- Now you're just making up names!
It's me, you dimwits!
I'm getting married.
I'd like you to meet my fiancee, timmy turner's mom.
- Oh, mr. Crocker, this is so exciting.
I can't wait to marry you.
- We can get hitched right outside.
Thanks to a shady fly-by-night website,
Mother is a justice of the peace.
- Say, rosie, how about we make it a double wedding?
[Organ plays]
- Come on, timmy.
Let's finally kiss
And make this the greatest night of your life.
[Gulps]
- Ah!
I can't let my parents marry mr. Crocker and a rosebush.
As much as I want to kiss you,
I've got to save my family.
- Do you, denzel, take timmy's mom to be your wife?
Hurry up and say, "I do" before she comes to her senses.
- I do.
- And do you, timmy's dad,
Take this dead rosebush to be your wife?
- [Sobbing]
I do!
- Do you, timmy's mom, take denzel to be your husband?
- Wait!
Ha ha! Psych.
Cosmo!
- You hold it right there, sweetness.
The kid wants me.
- This is out of control.
I wish cupid were here right now!
[Trilling]
Hey, what's the big idea?
I was just about to win the big cruise ship limbo contest.
- I'm sorry, cupid, but you've got to help me.
I took your love arrows,
And now my dad's going to marry a rosebush,
And mom's going to marry my crazy teacher.
- What?
How dare you touch my stuff, mister?
Give it back.
You can keep that.
All right, I'll clean up your little mess.
But it will cost you.
Stand back while I fire my anti-love arrows.
- It's over.
It's not you; it's me.
But it's mostly you.
- We're through.
It's not you; it's me.
But it's mostly you.
- Sweet mother of j.lo!
Wanda, you win.
I surrender myself to your nutsy cuckoo love.
In the name of gloria estefan
And her entire miami sound machine,
Do with me what you will!
- Are you crazy?
I'm a married woman!
- Now, that's my wanda.
- Where was i? Oh, yes.
Do you, timmy's mom, take denzel to be your husband?
- She does! She does!
- Cupid, fire!
- Pucker up, timmy's mom.
- Are you crazy?
I'm a married woman.
- You caused a lot of trouble, young man.
And as your punishment,
You're gonna wash all my vacation diapers.
I hope you learned your lesson.
[Trills]
- Man, I'm glad that's over with.
My parents are still together, and everything's back to normal.
- Hey, timmy.
I'm taking your mother out to dinner.
Wait'll you see the new outfit I bought her.
- I think there's a squirrel in here.
- You'll get used to it.
[Squirrel growls]