02x11 - Hail to the Chief/Twistory

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ Timmy is an average kid ♪

♪♪ That no one understands ♪

♪♪ Mom and dad and vicky ♪

♪♪ Always giving him commands ♪

Bed, twerp!

♪♪ Doom and gloom up in his room ♪♪

♪♪ Is broken instantly ♪

♪♪ By his magic little fish who'll grant his every wish ♪♪

♪♪ 'Cause in reality... ♪

♪♪ They are his oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪♪

Wands and wings.floaty, crowny things.

♪♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪♪

♪♪ Really mod, peapod, buff bod, hot rod ♪♪

Obtuse, rubber goose,

Green moose, guava juice.

Giant snake, birthday cake,

Large fries, chocolate shake!

♪♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪♪

♪♪ It flips your lid when you are a kid ♪♪

♪♪ With fairly oddparents ♪

Yeah, right.

[Bell rings]

Hello, students!

We had to decide between printing full-color ballots

For the upcoming student elections

Or purchasing food for the cafeteria.

So, there will be no lunch today!

Enjoy your ballots!

[Cheers]

Why is everybody cheering?

Wait for it...

All we have is dessert and gruel.

So, we're declaring today, cake and gruel day!

[Cheers]

Come on, guys!

Let's go before they run out of cake and start serving gruel!

But I like gruel.

Life is sweet and so is lunch!

One side!

Student body presidents comin' through!

Forget it!

We were here first!

Co-president chad,

Do you hear some non-student body president talking?

No, I don't co-president, tad,

But I do know this:

Student body presidents get first in line privileges.

Oh, yeah?

What about me?

The common student?

What do I get?

Aaaaaaahhh!

Darn it!

This stinks!

I'll say!

It smells like feet in here!

No, it stinks because tad and chad

Are the student body presidents.

They get to do anything they want!

It's time somebody ran against them.

Someone with vision.

Someone with ideals.

Someone with...

Fairy godparents? Fairy godparents?

Exactly.

But, timmy...

Tad and chad, i, timmy turner,

Am running against you for student body president.

Wow, you're . % More of a person in my eyes now, timmy.

Trixie?

You--you actually got my name right.

Sure! I'm political reporter for the school newspaper!

Yeah!

She has to know the names of all the total losers!

Cool!

If I'm president, trixie'll have to talk to me!

And with you guys helping my campaign, I can't lose!

Incoming! Incoming!

[Screams]

Oh, boy! Gruel!

What do you mean I can't wish myself student body president?

I tried to warn you.

You can't wish yourself into winning a contest.

It's against da rules.

You have to win the old-fashioned way!

Buy your way in!

But we could be your political advisors

And help run your campaign!

Right into the ground!

Yeah! It'll be great!

The mass marketing of timmy!

Balloons!

Confetti!

And a monkey on a unicycle,

Wearing a neon hat that goes wheeeee!

[Eep eep eep eep]

You'll get tons of votes!

Cool! I should write a big campaign speech for tomorrow.

Timmy, this is william shakespeare.

He's a writer. Maybe he can help!

Ever won an election?

Uh, no.

But I have won the hearts of millions with my poetry.

And in--

Whatever. Just start writing, puffy pants.

All: four more years!

Four more years!

They're going first!

Who knows what kind of awesome

And impressive speech they have lined up!

[Cheers]

That's it?

A smile and a pointing gesture?

And now...timmy turner!

[Crickets chirping]

[Clears throat]

"Yay and verily?"

Oh, forget it!

What's the matter with you kids?

What kind of speech is...?

Every year you elect these guys

And then they use their power to bully you around!

No, they don't!

Pipe down.

Oh, ok.

Is that who should be representing you?

They think we're the losers!

And maybe we are!

But then shouldn't you be represented by a loser?

I'm timmy turner, and I want to be...

"Or not to be..."

Oh, I love that line.

That loser!

[Cheers]

Timmy, that was an amazing speech!

Really?

Yeah. I...

Wait!

We're extending cake day!

Even for the less popular kids like you!

All: tad and chad!

Tad and chad!

Tad and chad!

Trixie?

Aw, timmy, it's not over until the fat lady votes!

Can the principal vote?

You still have a chance, sweetie!

No, I don't!

Everybody who comes to school tomorrow

Is gonna vote for tad and chad!

I'll lose and trixie's never gonna talk to me again.

I told you, you shoulda stuck with the monkey!

[Eep eep eep]

Whee!

[Wolf howling]

Hey! Where is everybody?

Puking, probably.

Food poisoning!

From tad and chad's cake!

The only reason I'm here is because I'm frosting intolerant!

What about the election?

If everyone's sick, who's gonna vote?

Polls are open!

I know who I'm voting for!

Who?

Polls are closed!

We must count the ballots!

I mean ballot!

And the winner is...

Timmy turner!

We swear you in tomorrow!

Congrats!

Do you accept your responsibilities

As student body president?

Piece of cake!

And guess what?

I've already picked my own secret-service detail.

We have the package in our perimeter!

Affirmative!

Protect the package at all costs! Over!

Come on, guys!

Let's check out some of those presidential perks!

Make way! Make way!

President comin' through!

No way!

We were here first!

Presidential privilege.

Why, hello, mr. President.

I liked the way you used your authority to cut in line!

She's talking to me! It's working!

I was hoping we could do a long,

In-depth interview for the school paper.

Oh, yeah...

Well, I still think timmy turner is a loser creep!

Lunch!

Protect the package!

Go go go go!

Aaaagh!

No! Wait!

Trixie! I...

[Toilet flushes]

The presidential stall, sir.

I can't go with you watching me.

We can't stop watching until you go, sir.

That bell!

The package is late for his presidential duties!

Keep the package's appointments at all costs!

Go go go go!

Hi, president timmy!

Trixie, wait up!

Boy: foreign object!

Get her!

Aaagh!

And I pledge that organizations

Like the future phlegmers

Will get their fair share of funding

From student government.

The turner administration will not tolerate bias

Against the sinus impaired!

[Cheering, sneezing, snorting, wheezing]

Ah-choo!

Code yellow!

The package must remain germ-free!

Aj! Aj!

Speak to me!

It's ok...ah...

It's only...

A common cold...ah-choo!

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

Noooo!

How's our little mr. El presidente?

Miserable!

I do boring stuff all day,

Can't go to the bathroom by myself!

Hey! Neither can i!

And now that trixie wants to talk to me, we can't,

Because I get yanked away by my secret service!

Well, timmy, nobody ever said being a leader was going to be easy.

I didn't want to be a leader,

I just wanted to be president.

I want out.

You have to be impeached.

Yeah! You have to do something so bad

The whole school wants you out!

I'll get the monkey!

No, wait!

I've got a better idea.

Welcome to the library assistant's club,

President turner!

Do you swear to always re-shelve

According to the dewey decimal system

And to defend the library against the loudness

And gum chewing of all others?

You bet!

[Gasp]

It can't be true!

It is true!

President timmy turner likes books and periodicals!

Silence!

Oh, you're ruined, turner!

Ruined!

Timmy turner,

You stand accused of geekiness while in office!

How do you plead?

Guilty!

[Gasp]

So what? I like books.

I like math, too.

And I'd join the future phlegmers

If I had a bad enough allergy.

What are you going to do about it?

Impeach me?

That's a great idea!

Impeach! Impeach!

All in favor?

All: aye!

Turner is out.

Tad and chad are back in!

Hey, now that I'm not the president anymore,

I thought maybe you and I could finally have that talk.

Words.

"Not" "president" "anymore."

So? What's for lunch?

Not cake! Not cake!

Well, that's politics!

You win a few, you lose a lot!

Well, I'd rather be a normal geek

Than student body president any day!

[Door opens]

Humans!

Timmy?

You stood up for us!

Nobody ever stands up for us!

Really, guys...

It was nothing.

All: one of us!

One of us!

Noooooo!

Aw!

Look how popular he is!

All's well that ends well.

I wrote that!

Hey, timmy! How was your day?

She did it!

No, she didn't, I did.

I forgot I had to do a massive report

On the american revolution!

And it's due tomorrow!

I'll never get all the information I need

To do the report in time!

[Crash] [cat screeches]

Don't worry, timmy.

All you have to do is apply yourself seriously!

Or you could do a talk show!

And bring the founding fathers here to interview them!

That's a great idea!

That's a horrible idea!

You can't just yank people out of their time periods!

They might be doing something important!

Or they might just be on the toilet!

I say go for it!

I'm with the light-bulb fairy.

[Cheers and applause]

Cosmo: live! From timmy's tree house,

It's time for...

Join timmy and his special guests

As he tries to complete

The big history report he blew off!

And now, heeeeeeeeere's timmy!

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you. Thank you.

Hey, we have a great show for you tonight!

Here to help me with my report

Are of the founding fathers themselves...

Please say hello

To the father of our country,

George washington!

[Cheers and applause]

Thank you, thank you...

I...must...not...

Can't...fight it...

Must chop wood!

Hey! That's my desk!

Don't chop...

My desk.

Must chop wood!

Let it go, lad...

Aah!

He can't help himself.

It started with the cherry tree

And it's been chop chop chop ever since.

Benjamin franklin, everybody!

Statesman, inventor,

And the man who discovered electricity.

[Cheers and applause]

Thanks! Aah!

I've discovered it's great to be here!

And last, but not least,

The guy who wrote the declaration of independence,

Thomas jefferson!

Hey! Write on!

You get it?

Write! With a "w"?

I write?

[Chirping]

Not so easy, is it?

But I'm funny!

Somebody keeps cutting my best lines

From the declaration of independence!

I don't see why the declaration of independence

Should need a joke about my wooden teeth.

We'll be right back, after this!

Time-travel arrangements for the timmy turner show

Are made possible by timmy's magical time scooter!

Timmy, we need to wrap this up

And get your guests back fast

Before we screw up time...again.

Relax! I ask a few questions,

Get what I need for my report,

Do the vacuum cleaner salesman sketch

And I'll get 'em back right away.

Oh, man! They're gone!

We better find them fast!

Let's go!

The timmy turner show will be right back

After these messages!

Blast this tv!

I can't see any of my channels!

Where is that repairman?

This glowing box...

So large and made of wood...

Oh, mommy!

Hey! It's fixed!

I should pay you!

You know you're not allowed to touch the money, dear!

Awww.

Hey!

You're the guy on the money!

Would you sign this?

Who am i, john hancock?

Hancock!

That's funny, george.

How do you get lightning into these small containers?

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Honey! Look!

It's the guy on the nickel!

Ha! Nickel!

I'm on the dollar.

I'm worth of you. Ha ha ha!

Ah! And that's the guy on the !

If I can't touch the money, can I at least touch him?

Excuse me?

That's it!

You know how your dad gets

When he's around people who are on money!

Out! Out! Out!

Awww.

And that's how I came up with the first fire department.

Ow! And the library!

Interesting! Or should I say "enlightening"?

Timmy! We need to take a break.

We gotta get these guys back to their time period!

They've been here too long already!

Relax, wanda! We're still ok!

Besides, I think if history had changed,

We'd have noticed now.

Right?

[Shaking]

[English accent] right?!

Right?

[Normal] I mean right?

[Shaking]

[Neigh]

Oh, no! Everything's turning...british!

[English accent] ow! Blimey, son!

Look!

I'm touching a pound note!

I'll take that, luv.

'Oi...

Oh, no!

Because you guys were gone too long,

America is still a british colony

And devoid of electricity!

Don't forget about taxation without representation.

Huh? 'Ello!

Taxman here!

Wand tax.

Taw! Taw!

[Neigh]

[English accent] oh, no! Without our wands,

We can't use our magic to change everything back!

[English accent] I say. This is a bit of a sticky wicket.

[Normal] I mean...

Dude! This stinks!

I cannot tell a lie.

Kid, you messed up big time!

Hey, that's my job!

Gimme a second. I'll think of something.

Wait for it. Wait for it.

[Ding]

Hey, I've got an idea!

Why doesn't he take everybody back on the time scooter?

Great idea, cosmo!

Boy, there's words I never thought I'd say in a row.

Hop on, everybody!

[Ringing]

All: washington, franklin, and jefferson are missing?

This is unbelievable.

[All talking at once]

Ha ha ha ha.

Now that washington, franklin and jefferson

Have mysteriously vanished,

Just as they were about to do something really important,

I, benedict arnold,

Will be able to betray the american revolution!

Well, hello, john hancock!

It is i, your long-time pal,

George washington!

See my white hair, wooden teeth,

And love of all things free?

Anyway...i brought you a present to sign!

It's called "the declaration of surrenderpendence."

"We the people of the united states...

Give up?"

Well, I dunno...

Come on, hancock, sign it!

I mean, uh...

Sign it really big.

I like signing things really big!

[Shaking]

Ow! My hand!

Don't listen to him!

I cannot tell a lie!

I am the real george washington!

Can't you see my white hair and the wooden teeth

And the love of all things free?

Hey! That's my line!

[Grunts]

Oh, no!

One of them is gonna turn the future america

Into a yellow toothed, electricity-deprived rat hole!

Yeah! And the other one is going to turn it

Into a brightly lit, democratically run rat hole!

But I can't tell which is which!

Think, timmy, think.

Here you go. Thanks.

Ow!

I've got an idea!

And wax burns!

A coat rack?

Not just a coat rack!

A beautifully carved, totally pristine,

Wonderfully lacquered, solid oak,

Wooden coat rack!

So what?

Aah! Oh, no!

Must chop wood!

All: that's washington.

Darn it!

All: benedict arnold!

I knew he was a traitor!

Yeah, the biggest traitor in american history!

And I would have gotten away with it, too,

If it weren't for that meddling kid!

Ow!

I've got an idea.

We should do something nice

For the pink-hatted lad!

Hey! We could put him on the dollar!

[Nervously laughs]

Well, all you guys gotta do is sign

The declaration of independence

And we can be onour way!

We can't!

George washington's fake teeth

And love of all things free broke my hand!

Now we're one signature short!

Give me that!

You call that a signature?

Awesome!

We're not british...

And we have electricity!

Uh! Blast this tv!

I can't see any of my channels!

Where is that repairman?

Ok, I got it.

Hey! You fixed it!

I should pay you!

Ah ah ah!

Aw...

Hey!

You're the kid on the dollar!

Hey! Can I have your autograph?

Who am i, john hancock?

[Bell rings]

Please welcome my first guest...

George washington!

He doesn't look like a washington.

Sure I do!

Can't you see my white hair,

Wooden teeth, and love of all things free?

And you, ben franklin,

Invented the fire department

And discovered electricity, didn't you?

And the library!

I invented that, too!

And if I had another friend,

We'd talk about thomas jefferson!

You know, turner, some people would find this style

Of delivering a report

Imaginative and deserving of reward!

Thanks!

Unfortunately, I am not one of those people!

You failed!

I'm history!