Hey, yeah, hi, honey.
It's me, lover boy.
Jim.
Very funny, Cheryl, very funny.
Look, I'm going to be a little late.
I know I'm going to miss dinner.
What did you have?
String bean casserole.
Well, I'm so sorry I missed that.
Bye, honey.
Oh, you gamble sometimes and win.
And so, by moving the den to the west side,
I had to change some walls, see?
Yeah, I had a thought.
Really? Another one?
'Cause I spent hours on your last one.
Uh-huh.
I would like the den on the east side instead of the west.
No, no, no, I was up all night doing this,
and it totally works.
Not for Veronica, it doesn't,
and she's the client.
(CHUCKLES)
And at Ground Up Design, the client is the boss.
I think I have that written down on a pen, right here.
And would it be too much trouble to get a skylight?
Well, yeah, it kind of would.
I mean, what we'd need...
Is a great architect,
and we have one right here. Andy is all over it.
Oh, good, 'cause I want one in the atrium.
Okay. You don't have an atrium!
She does now.
Andy, give her an atrium.
Is there anything else you need?
Because at Ground Up Design, we are here for you.
I have a refrigerator magnet with that on it, by the way.
Oh, I am so glad I picked you guys.
You're the best.
Actually, uh, there is one other thing.
(LAUGHS) You name it.
Could you watch Diego while I go to the day spa?
Is that okay with you, baby?
Yes. Yes, it is.
It would be my pleasure to give it to our top man.
What?
I'll go get Diego's poopy pads.
Okay.
She's an important client.
You don't talk to them like that.
I am working hours a day here.
Now I have to design an atrium
and move the den back to where it was three days ago.
Come on, be a team player here.
I'm an architect, not a dog sitter.
Why can't you be a dog-sitting architect?
I mean, even Superman was also a reporter.
Andy, this is the biggest job we've ever had.
I know.
All right, so just hang in there for a little bit.
Keep your eye on the prize.
It's hard to keep my eyes on the prize.
They keep going to this dog's weird butt.
What are you talking about?
Well, it's all puffy,
and there's dental floss sticking out of it.
Well, give it a pull. Maybe it'll talk.
(INAUDIBLE)
JIM: Oh, baby!
Okay, girls, your lunches are ready.
PB and J sliced diagonally for Gracie,
bologna and cheese, mayonnaise on both sides for Ruby.
Did you cut my crusts off?
What is it, my first day?
All right, go, go. Get ready.
Cheryl, you spoil these kids.
You know what my mom packed for lunch for me?
A raw potato with a lighter.
Oh.
Sounds like your mom must have wanted you to run away,
and we know that couldn't have been true.
Hello.
May I borrow a cup of dignity?
I seem to have lost mine.
What are you doing with the dog?
Dog sitting turned into a dog sleepover
when Veronica decided to spend the night in town.
Did you know that Chihuahua is Spanish for "yapping crap machine"?
Andy.
Andy, honey, you look exhausted.
Are you going to be okay today?
Ah, if I get a nap in at lunch.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Lunch, I need you to go down to Springfield
and pick up the little bathroom knobs for the Veronica job.
Jim, I spent four years in college
so I wouldn't have to do this stuff.
Andy, this is important.
Oh, really? Yes.
Well, if it's so important, why don't you do it?
I'd love to, Andy, but I can't.
What does the plaque say on my desk?
"Number one sex machine."
That's the trophy.
And I earned it, right, honey?
Oh, honey, I don't think it counts if you buy it yourself.
Andy, the plaque reads "President and CEO."
Now, if the boss is out there
doing all these little menial errands,
it's going to make our operation look chintzy.
Oh, I think the nudie girl mud flaps on your pickup already do that.
Andy, come on, think about it.
This job can take us to a new level.
I mean, Veronica knows all kinds of rich people,
including Oprah's friend Gayle.
(GASPS) Oh!
Oh, she is so lucky.
I wish I was Oprah's best friend.
I'd get to hang out with her all the time.
Yeah, but then eventually, you'd have to introduce her to Jim.
Oh, well.
Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's starting to shimmy. I better take him outside.
Can I get a a sandwich bag, something?
(CHUCKLING BITTERLY)
I can't wait to call my professor at Stanford
and tell him how well I'm doing.
Quit complaining!
What? What are you looking at me like that for?
Don't you think you're being a little hard on Andy?
I'm not being hard on Andy at all.
You know what the "C" stands for in CEO?
Commander.
Now, how do you think people would feel
if their own president sent himself off to w*r?
I'd like it.
Well, I wonder who's been talking
to the lesbian down at the beauty parlor again.
Cheryl, I love you to tears, but you know what?
You know nothing about business management.
(STAMMERS) Except for her degree in business administration.
And running the claims division
of an insurance company for two years.
Oh, yeah? Why aren't you working there anymore, Cheryl?
Because I got pregnant and quit to raise a family.
Hmm. How convenient.
Daddy? Hmm?
Can you help me with my homework?
Sure. What is it?
American history.
(GAME SHOW PLAYING ON TV)
Okay.
Write this down.
We win.
They lose.
USA number one.
Oh, good, I thought you were going to say something simplistic.
Well, I just got off the phone with Andy.
Can't come over tonight because he has too much work to do.
Damn, he was supposed to bring over dessert.
Jim. What?
I made him a special dinner
because he's been working so hard,
and now he's not even coming over because of you.
Cheryl, this is a big project.
We're all making sacrifices.
Gracie, move your head. Daddy can't see the TV.
Hey, you know what would cheer him up?
Why don't you bring him over a nice hot plate of food?
Me? Yeah.
Come on, you're the food department here.
Jim.
He does everything you ask of him.
This is a nice way to show him you appreciate it.
Isn't that what the paycheck's for?
All right, fine. Good.
Maybe I'm working him a little too hard.
I'll take the food over there as soon as I figure out this puzzle.
Tom Cruise control. Tom Cruise control.
Well, you know, it's easy for you.
You're not checking out Vanna.
Hey, you know, Andy, you've been doing such a great job on Veronica's...
Job.
Great. Great!
Thanks for making me go over there.
Daddy is angry.
Yeah. I know, sweetie.
If you guys will excuse me.
And remember, no dessert until you finish your broccoli.
Mmm!
Okay, I'm putting mine down the disposal.
Who's with me? Okay.
What happened?
Well, somebody was working Andy hard, but it wasn't me!
He was sitting on the couch with Veronica,
half naked, drinking wine.
What? Yes, Cheryl, yes.
Well, maybe it wasn't what you're thinking.
Cheryl, he had the same look on his face
that you do after.
I didn't need to know that.
Neither did I!
You know what, Jim?
They're both adults. Big deal.
It is a big deal, Cheryl.
It's a huge deal.
You never, ever, ever sleep with a client.
I could have slept with dozens of clients, but I never did.
You want to know why?
'Cause you're married to me?
Cheryl, let's not make this about you, okay?
Because I respect the rules of business.
Jim, you got to give Andy a break.
He hasn't had a date for, like, six months.
Mmm-mmm. You know what?
I kind of think it's cute that they're having a romance.
Cute? That was just two people satisfying their animal lust.
It wasn't beautiful, like, you know, when you and I go at it.
Yeah.
Okay, I know, I know.
Andy, Andy, no, no.
That was not cool, Andy.
Jim, it's not something I planned.
Veronica came over to get her dog,
we started talking about books and wine and architecture.
I read her my one-act play.
After that, it was like sh**ting fish in a barrel.
Andy, I don't want to hear it.
This stops now. You are jeopardizing the entire job.
Come on, I have this totally under control.
Andy... You know, Jim, I like her a lot.
I will not let it affect work. I promise.
I don't care. It's not up to you. I'm the boss, okay?
Jim, I can handle it. No, no, you listen to me.
You go right back across the street,
and you end this thing right now. No. You...
(JABBERING)
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You go back there, and you end it right now.
Andy, do it!
Just do it.
Yeah, fine. Right, yes.
But, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, be nice about it, okay?
Don't hurt her feelings. Let her down easy.
Say something like, you know,
you're gay, and this was a one-time experience.
Gay. Right.
You know what? No.
Okay, pick something else. Impotence. I don't care.
No, no, no to the whole thing. No.
Listen, you made me go miles to pick up doorknobs.
You made me clean up dog poop.
You even made me put extra jelly in your donuts using a syringe.
But you're going to tell me how to live my personal life? No.
No, you don't say no to me.
I just did. Want to hear it again? No!
Want to hear it backwards? On!
Out of my house.
No. I do what I want.
And I want to leave.
That's it.
That's it!
He's fired.
I can't fire him. I need him.
What am I going to do? What am I going to do?
Oh, Cheryl, is he asking you?
I don't know.
There's no one here but you and me,
and I don't know nothing about business.
You should just stick to folding laundry and ovulating.
Okay, okay, very funny.
I see what you're trying to do.
You're trying to throw my words back in my face
to make some kind of point, right?
Yeah. You know where I learned that, commander?
Business school.
Oh, ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
Well, Andy's going to pay for this.
Saying no to me?
Well, I'll work him so hard
he won't have any personal time left in his life.
That's what I'm going to do.
Yeah, I'm going to make him so busy,
he's going to have to hire someone to pee for him.
He's going to be so busy that he's going to pass himself going to bed
because he's got to get up so early.
Whoo! That's a good one, Jim.
That's a good one.
It's shaping up nicely.
Hey, Andy, uh, can you come over here for a second?
I want to talk to you. Oh, just a sec.
(EXHALES)
Yeah?
Uh...
Listen, about that thing last night, I, uh...
I got a little carried away.
You know, I shouldn't have any say in your personal life.
Thank you. But you know what?
I do have a list of things here I'd like you to do
while you're on the clock, if that's all right.
Sure. Okay, great, thanks.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's like a hundred things on this list.
Oh, come on, Andy. It's not so bad.
You can knock those off in about four or five months.
And then you'll have plenty of time for your personal life.
"Reshred shredded documents"?
Uh-huh.
"Embroider logos on hats for company softball team."
Yeah.
"Start up company softball team."
We don't even have a league.
Oh, keep reading.
(CHUCKLES)
You think you're pretty clever, don't you?
Well, you know, I have my moments.
Yeah. Here's the deal.
Um, you know how you're always saying the client's the boss?
Uh-huh. Well, last night,
when I was lying in bed with the client,
I got to thinking, I'm not actually working for you.
I'm working for Veronica, so, uh,
I'm going to take a big old pass-adena on this one.
Oops. Andy, if you think that...
Ronnie!
There's my brilliant architect.
So how much longer till we're through with the den?
Well... Well, I know Jim told you two weeks,
but I'm going to put a couple more of my guys on it.
I'm thinking a week, days tops.
We can do it, right, guys?
They're pretty focused working right now, so...
Oh, can you knock off a couple of hours early tonight?
I've got tickets for a play.
Oh, I don't know. I'll have to ask my boss.
Um, can I go,
Veronica?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Pick me up at : , and bring a toothbrush.
Oh.
Oh, Andy.
Oh, Jim, do you mind taking Diego tonight?
Uh, well... Oh, he'd love to. Yeah.
I'll just put it on his list.
Oh, great.
I'll drop him off at your house.
(EXHALES)
Call me.
Andy, I don't know what the hell you think you're doing...
Jim, a little less this, little more this.
Veronica, hey, you told me to call you,
and I just couldn't wait.
So what are you wearing?
Oh, I know I just saw you, but work with me here.
(SIGHS)
Hey, guys, uh, take lunch.
ANDY: Can I call you back? I gotta tell these morons to keep it down.
Well, you know, that's why I'm the boss.
(LAUGHING)
Yeah, well, talk to you later, kiddo.
Real mature, Jim.
Want to take this down so I can get out?
Oh, I thought you wanted a little less this and a little more this.
I'm sure if I could see you, that'd be hilarious.
I can take care of that.
Hello.
If you expect an apology, you can forget it.
Oh, I can wait.
I demand to be treated with respect.
I hear you.
You're giving me boobs, aren't you?
(CHUCKLING)
Yeah, they're real bazookas, too.
You know, it's kind of funny.
I may be trapped in a windowless room here...
Oh, you got a window right here.
Well, you're the one who's really trapped, okay?
You're trapped in a world of ego, pettiness and control.
Well, at least in my world, I've got a bathroom.
(LAUGHING)
You just wait until I get out of here.
Oh, what are you going to do?
You going to go run to Veronica?
(STAMMERING) What the hell's that supposed to mean?
It means you can't hide behind her forever.
You know, this job is going to end soon,
and then I'm still your boss,
and that's the way it's always going to be.
No, no, no, no, Jim. That's the way it's been,
but I'm not going to take it anymore.
What are you going to do?
Who's going to rescue you this time?
Dana?
Cheryl?
Your mommy?
Huh?
Because you're not tough enough to stand on your own, are you?
You know it.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
How's that for tough?
Is that all you got?
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Give up? No!
Give up? Never!
Is that all you got?
Hell, no! I'm just getting started.
I'm required by law to tell you that I'm a white belt.
You only went to one class.
Well, they let me keep the belt.
Ow.
(BOTH PANTING)
You give up?
No way.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
So, we good?
No. No, we're not good.
Jim, I'm tired of you treating me like
the little kid whose sister you married.
Come on, I'm not that guy anymore.
Yeah.
So we good now?
No!
All right.
Well, what are we going to do now?
I don't know.
How about you make me partner?
What?
What, are you crazy?
Well, it was just a thought.
No, wait, no.
I think I've earned it.
Partner?
Are you asking me or telling me?
I'm asking.
But with determined authority.
Good answer, partner.
Come on. Let's go have some lunch.
(BOTH GROANING)
Hey, hey, hey. I'm buying.
That's right. Junior partners always buy.
Junior partner? You said partner.
Hey, I'm not going to make you a full partner on the first day.
All right, all right, I'll tell you what.
The first one to get in the driver's seat is a full partner.
(DOOR OPENS)
Four years in Stanford.
Please.
(LAUGHING)
(CAR ALARM WAILING)
Andy!