03x06 - Still Cooking
Posted: 11/13/22 06:49
[Music]
we make more popcorn Oh Tina daddy's
tired but there's plenty on my shirt
okay don't water Enoch your shirt like
that that's gross you go make some for
you double to shirt this somewhere by
your speech can I see everyone in the
kitchen please no but you can see it's
all on the couch hi mom I guess more
ribs for me then ribs wait a minute I
don't smell ribs kids don't go in there
have a seat now who can tell me what is
wrong with this picture there's no rips
the past week I've been conducting an
experiment I have left this big
disgusting roasting pan right here in
the middle of the table to see how long
it would take before someone bothered to
clean it out actually if you wanted to
make the experiment correct you'd have
to have a control group everyone just
assumes that if there's raw food it's my
job to cook it if there's something
dirty around here it is my job to clean
it what do I need to do hire a tiny
little grease man to stand up in the
middle of the pan and say per-screen
mate tiny little grease I do everything
around here I find the food I cook the
food and sometimes if I'm very quick I
even get to eat the food but you know
what I've had enough tonight I'm gonna
go into the other room and I'm going to
watch TV and when and if I ever do come
back into this kitchen this roasting pan
very clean oh you heard looks like your
mother officially reached her limit now
who had her cracking after seven day
[Applause]
[Music]
we go Fitz little afternoon snack or
something to take the edge off I know if
you've looked at me lately but I don't
got any edges hmm oh my god what is this
pasta Puttanesca it's Italian pasta with
Puttanesca you like it like him it's
alive with flavors hmm let me warn how
to cook this uh one night I turned the
TV on and there was a little late-night
cable show called debbie does dinner
unfortunately Debbie was 72 and dinner
was dinner this is great I can't believe
you learn how to make it from one show
actually I've been watching it ever
since last night I learned how to make
pulled pork which also isn't what I
thought it wasn't right beauty doesn't
make them cooked every night oh well
that's because as far as Judy's
concerned I can't cook I can't fix a car
what i can do is fake a hell of a sneeze
so she thinks I'm allergic to laundry
detergent look at out of a lot of work
just by acting clueless you know I do
the same thing with Miriam only not with
chores I tend to cut corners on certain
preliminary aspects of our lovemaking oh
when it comes to the main event i am
quite proficient
tender when required vigorous if desired
may be quiet oh yeah but I can also be
quite vocal instead hey Dad nobody's
left me on our you doing I need to hide
the evidence oh no I'm eating my little
fishes Brian what are you doing home so
early oh I hurt my shoulder in gym class
what were you planning apparently a game
called pile on Brian cuz he asked the
teacher for a pop quiz mom had to pick
me up mom's here true yeah she bring in
the trash cans what's smells so good
wait what are you talking slovak italian
food in here well i was walking home and
I tripped in a garlic field dad this
sauce looks really good did you cook
this you saw nothing here today Brian do
you hear me you did cook some sort of
pasta dish with olives and capers
Puttanesca he knows what this is too why
am I the johnny-come-lately to the
Puttanesca party this is great how come
he ever cook for us because I told you I
can't cook well I get it you're afraid
mom will find out make you pull your
weight around here Brian I'm not gonna
lie to you mostly because I can't think
of a good one right now no wait no don't
say anything what's in it for me what's
in it for you the fact that I'm your
father and you will respect me hey guys
that can cook okay Lauren is now my
firstborn son you've been hiding it for
me to get out of work you made this
great pasta bill that's true well I made
pasta but it's not that great it's
delicious you jackass oh I can make one
thing big deal one incredibly delicious
thing that intent you my friend are
cooking dinner tomorrow night
and not just a sandwich something good
like duck or something god I can't
possibly cook Dhaka to take our some
marinade you know what marinating
[Music]
honey I'm home what's for dinner listen
to me how good does that sound hello I'm
glad you're happy and you know you were
right there's nothing wrong with me
helping out around here actually it's
kind of fun oh the fun wears off around
your 10,000 meatloaf but you gotta wait
a little while no pick in round
everybody up come on in kids disappear
dinner yay no he made a meal yay Rosen
be sad Oh a real dinner with real food
she did Jackie cook I broke the story
right and tonight it's chicken
cacciatore and a plum tomato sauce with
just a touch of basil dig in don't be
shy what's different it's really uh
that's really really puts up a fight
double actually like gum I think I just
takes a peek I got the other end happy
that dad oh I don't know what happened i
followed the recipe exactly the hell
don't beat yourself up you tried chants
lunch fun the other room order p yeah
man I can't believe this well mini can
only make the one pasta dish oh you
think that's it i'm a one-trick pony it
tastes a lot like pony you know what
maybe we should put this cooking thing
on hold for a while I guess I feel
terrible Oh Belle it wasn't that bad ooh
but it's gonna be
man I miss dinner more like dodged it
laughs I found out spill was pretending
he couldn't cook so I never asked him to
so then tonight he cooked dinner and it
turned out awful so I guess that means
he'll go back to lying around while I go
back to doing all this wait a minute why
heat in here this happens to be the most
comfortable seat in there just as I
suspected it's delicious Miku versions
of the same meal a bill back and watch
back what's head dinging sound wife it
smell like garlic toast in here pinging
sound the smell of toast sounds like
someone's having a stroke twister often
doing in the show getting ready for work
well this was incredible thanks honey I
have got to hand it to you you lied to
me you tried to trick me but once i
found you even in the bathroom and
threatened to hit you with the toaster
oven you reluctantly did the right thing
well that's how I was raised so I guess
me tell mommy could cook tonight good
for everyone yeah except you narc there
you go yeah this is really good thanks
to little recipe I found in the food
section braised beef Bordeaux Tina Tina
what are you doing getting some salt
it's already perfectly seasoned honey if
you want more salt go out and lick the
driveway so bill how can we ever thank
you for making for a delicious meal well
you can all clean up the kitchen okay
what's guys great if you're risking me
for biscuits that our little lower I was
just want to thank you for all your hard
work I'd two hours free today because I
didn't have to go to the market or cook
I went to the bookstore and browse
problem i love it it takes my greatest
love in life food and combines it with
my second favorite thing eating where do
i fall in there bill you're tied with
beer but don't ask where football is Oh
what do you say we go upstairs and I try
to break the time mm-hmm just give me 10
minutes I need to saute these vegetables
for the stock and bring them down to a
low bubble so they'll be ready for
tomorrow what you don't mind if I borrow
this do you no no go right ahead I'll be
upstairs what are you doing just tying
my bouquet garni now look at work
get in there parsley now at where's my
whip oh boy that took a while what were
you doing down there sorry I was just
oiling my pie a pan for tomorrow why
didn't you bring those oily hands over
here and I'll put them to work wearing
the apron oh no you can take it off me
if you like that's better get over here
you know what do you want with him
anything in the world Oh thermo alloy
stock pot you know what let's talk
you're right we just untie your nightie
my little bouquet garni
[Music]
[Music]
what's the matter nothin good so you're
ready to turn on the naked chef
[Laughter]
[Music]
no what now tired oh okay everything
alright sure yeah yeah it's just that
I'm so full I can't eat like that every
night you know what honey tomorrow
welcome no no no no you stay out of my
kitchen little Missy it's gonna be a
long time before you cook down there
again how does sandwiches look good
these aren't sandwiches their panini now
you need to microwave these for exactly
15 seconds to soften up the bread for
teens not enough and 16 you might as
well throw it away with this is your
gazpacho you remember what goes on top
yeah ground pepper cracked pepper and
what's the difference you know what just
go eat something off the floor okay okay
cracked pepper all right bye honey I got
to get to the produce market before work
if I don't get there early everything's
been picked over you have any idea how
frustrating that can be I have an idea
hey let me get this straight you
couldn't get turned on because he's
cooking I kept seeing him in there
girlie apron like mrs. Doubtfire was
coming at me I don't know I mean makes
these incredible muffins and you don't
have to have sex with them I don't do
the downside I know it's hard for you to
imagine but I do enjoy my sex life with
Belle okay i'm eating know what my
problem is if it possible that you feel
diminished as a woman because he is you
surfing your role as the nurturing
mother yeah right I want to try to pay a
woman at the mall to breastfeed Lauren
for me ask him to stop cooking what you
crazy the food is fabulous plus I have
all this free time there's just
something about him cooking that makes
my skin crawl maybe it's your button
what are you talking about well if the
girl had the thing that turns a rough
like me I mean I can't even think about
dating a guy who ties one of those
sweaters around his shoulders
would be on that one you just want to
yank the sleeves in toco certain stuff
is just hard liar I mean if you're
wearing pleated pants with the t-shirt
oh really oh yeah fanny pack corduroy
jacket none of it when did you ever
think that you had too many buttons oh
that's another one button fly jeans
where are you Amish I don't know maybe
it's the apron yeah the girly frilly
apron I need to go out and buy him a
manly masculine macho a friend forgot my
sweater see I wouldn't be how about this
one imagine the possibility whimsical
don't you think okay I don't want
whimsical I don't want sizzlemaster I
don't want BBQ tea I want something
manly something a man would wear not a
frilly lady girl I have this apron I'm
so sorry it's just that ever since my
husband started cooking there have been
issues in the household issue you know
marital issues
I need a more manly apron so I could
have sex with my husband again you're
asking a lot from an apron lady
oh you're cooking again I'm just
roasting some lamb shanks but I had an
inspiration at work today I'm gonna make
my own dry rub just using a little pick
up put this on oh hey he bought me a new
I yeah how does it look I don't know
kiss me that was a little hard you know
what you look tired you need to take a
break you know have a beer um I'm
cooking dinner oh you know what I'll do
it you've been cooking for so long now
just checked out apron off and relax go
oh my god good right yeah of course it's
good it's beer what you doing mind if I
watch no I don't know but wouldn't you
rather go watch sports yeah there's
nothing on tonight I'm can i make it a
suggestion you know with onions most of
the stuff that makes you cry is it the
rude end so what I do is I cut it in
half first place the cut side down and
then cut almost all the way through
north to south north
no okay okay you know what I think I
package hmm what you know you should
caramelize those onions before you put
them and sure without a lot of flavor
you know what bill I want to keep it
soon no it is simple I'll show you you
just saw tan to a deep brown and deglaze
the pan with a touch of wine have just a
whisper of shell you've turned into a
woman what I'm sorry I didn't mean that
yes I did you talkin about I'm sorry
bill i know it's old-fashioned but every
time i see you cooking you become this
crucial i put it chef boy r you girly
boy are you girly yeah in my mind oh god
just in your mind come on you must have
something irrational and crazy that
turns you off every time i do it don't
you no not even when i put on those big
manly work boots and downstairs to
fix the furnace and come back up all
covered in grime yeah he's talking bill
I'm sorry you know I tried I just cannot
have sex with you anymore if you
continue to cook that's just ridiculous
I finally find something I'm good at now
I have to give it up because you have
some kind of crazy hang up you know what
maybe maybe I've had enough sex for a
while maybe I can be happy just putting
all my passion into my cooking what are
you doing I'm smashing garlic cloves
smash another one that's not but the
recipe only calls you
now get your flu
what's for dinner you know what we had
last night scream of that delicious I
loved it last night with a fork I love
it tonight with a spoon so what you're
saying is cooking turn off smashing
garlic well kick meet up at bart well I
kind of realized the only way I can get
on board with his cooking was for him to
become the angry or may he didn't want
to be mean the man loves food so we
compromised and agreed that I'll do all
the cooking while he goes back to lying
around doing absolutely wait a minute
[Music]
I wouldn't have it any
way cuz it makes me
[Applause]
[Music]
we make more popcorn Oh Tina daddy's
tired but there's plenty on my shirt
okay don't water Enoch your shirt like
that that's gross you go make some for
you double to shirt this somewhere by
your speech can I see everyone in the
kitchen please no but you can see it's
all on the couch hi mom I guess more
ribs for me then ribs wait a minute I
don't smell ribs kids don't go in there
have a seat now who can tell me what is
wrong with this picture there's no rips
the past week I've been conducting an
experiment I have left this big
disgusting roasting pan right here in
the middle of the table to see how long
it would take before someone bothered to
clean it out actually if you wanted to
make the experiment correct you'd have
to have a control group everyone just
assumes that if there's raw food it's my
job to cook it if there's something
dirty around here it is my job to clean
it what do I need to do hire a tiny
little grease man to stand up in the
middle of the pan and say per-screen
mate tiny little grease I do everything
around here I find the food I cook the
food and sometimes if I'm very quick I
even get to eat the food but you know
what I've had enough tonight I'm gonna
go into the other room and I'm going to
watch TV and when and if I ever do come
back into this kitchen this roasting pan
very clean oh you heard looks like your
mother officially reached her limit now
who had her cracking after seven day
[Applause]
[Music]
we go Fitz little afternoon snack or
something to take the edge off I know if
you've looked at me lately but I don't
got any edges hmm oh my god what is this
pasta Puttanesca it's Italian pasta with
Puttanesca you like it like him it's
alive with flavors hmm let me warn how
to cook this uh one night I turned the
TV on and there was a little late-night
cable show called debbie does dinner
unfortunately Debbie was 72 and dinner
was dinner this is great I can't believe
you learn how to make it from one show
actually I've been watching it ever
since last night I learned how to make
pulled pork which also isn't what I
thought it wasn't right beauty doesn't
make them cooked every night oh well
that's because as far as Judy's
concerned I can't cook I can't fix a car
what i can do is fake a hell of a sneeze
so she thinks I'm allergic to laundry
detergent look at out of a lot of work
just by acting clueless you know I do
the same thing with Miriam only not with
chores I tend to cut corners on certain
preliminary aspects of our lovemaking oh
when it comes to the main event i am
quite proficient
tender when required vigorous if desired
may be quiet oh yeah but I can also be
quite vocal instead hey Dad nobody's
left me on our you doing I need to hide
the evidence oh no I'm eating my little
fishes Brian what are you doing home so
early oh I hurt my shoulder in gym class
what were you planning apparently a game
called pile on Brian cuz he asked the
teacher for a pop quiz mom had to pick
me up mom's here true yeah she bring in
the trash cans what's smells so good
wait what are you talking slovak italian
food in here well i was walking home and
I tripped in a garlic field dad this
sauce looks really good did you cook
this you saw nothing here today Brian do
you hear me you did cook some sort of
pasta dish with olives and capers
Puttanesca he knows what this is too why
am I the johnny-come-lately to the
Puttanesca party this is great how come
he ever cook for us because I told you I
can't cook well I get it you're afraid
mom will find out make you pull your
weight around here Brian I'm not gonna
lie to you mostly because I can't think
of a good one right now no wait no don't
say anything what's in it for me what's
in it for you the fact that I'm your
father and you will respect me hey guys
that can cook okay Lauren is now my
firstborn son you've been hiding it for
me to get out of work you made this
great pasta bill that's true well I made
pasta but it's not that great it's
delicious you jackass oh I can make one
thing big deal one incredibly delicious
thing that intent you my friend are
cooking dinner tomorrow night
and not just a sandwich something good
like duck or something god I can't
possibly cook Dhaka to take our some
marinade you know what marinating
[Music]
honey I'm home what's for dinner listen
to me how good does that sound hello I'm
glad you're happy and you know you were
right there's nothing wrong with me
helping out around here actually it's
kind of fun oh the fun wears off around
your 10,000 meatloaf but you gotta wait
a little while no pick in round
everybody up come on in kids disappear
dinner yay no he made a meal yay Rosen
be sad Oh a real dinner with real food
she did Jackie cook I broke the story
right and tonight it's chicken
cacciatore and a plum tomato sauce with
just a touch of basil dig in don't be
shy what's different it's really uh
that's really really puts up a fight
double actually like gum I think I just
takes a peek I got the other end happy
that dad oh I don't know what happened i
followed the recipe exactly the hell
don't beat yourself up you tried chants
lunch fun the other room order p yeah
man I can't believe this well mini can
only make the one pasta dish oh you
think that's it i'm a one-trick pony it
tastes a lot like pony you know what
maybe we should put this cooking thing
on hold for a while I guess I feel
terrible Oh Belle it wasn't that bad ooh
but it's gonna be
man I miss dinner more like dodged it
laughs I found out spill was pretending
he couldn't cook so I never asked him to
so then tonight he cooked dinner and it
turned out awful so I guess that means
he'll go back to lying around while I go
back to doing all this wait a minute why
heat in here this happens to be the most
comfortable seat in there just as I
suspected it's delicious Miku versions
of the same meal a bill back and watch
back what's head dinging sound wife it
smell like garlic toast in here pinging
sound the smell of toast sounds like
someone's having a stroke twister often
doing in the show getting ready for work
well this was incredible thanks honey I
have got to hand it to you you lied to
me you tried to trick me but once i
found you even in the bathroom and
threatened to hit you with the toaster
oven you reluctantly did the right thing
well that's how I was raised so I guess
me tell mommy could cook tonight good
for everyone yeah except you narc there
you go yeah this is really good thanks
to little recipe I found in the food
section braised beef Bordeaux Tina Tina
what are you doing getting some salt
it's already perfectly seasoned honey if
you want more salt go out and lick the
driveway so bill how can we ever thank
you for making for a delicious meal well
you can all clean up the kitchen okay
what's guys great if you're risking me
for biscuits that our little lower I was
just want to thank you for all your hard
work I'd two hours free today because I
didn't have to go to the market or cook
I went to the bookstore and browse
problem i love it it takes my greatest
love in life food and combines it with
my second favorite thing eating where do
i fall in there bill you're tied with
beer but don't ask where football is Oh
what do you say we go upstairs and I try
to break the time mm-hmm just give me 10
minutes I need to saute these vegetables
for the stock and bring them down to a
low bubble so they'll be ready for
tomorrow what you don't mind if I borrow
this do you no no go right ahead I'll be
upstairs what are you doing just tying
my bouquet garni now look at work
get in there parsley now at where's my
whip oh boy that took a while what were
you doing down there sorry I was just
oiling my pie a pan for tomorrow why
didn't you bring those oily hands over
here and I'll put them to work wearing
the apron oh no you can take it off me
if you like that's better get over here
you know what do you want with him
anything in the world Oh thermo alloy
stock pot you know what let's talk
you're right we just untie your nightie
my little bouquet garni
[Music]
[Music]
what's the matter nothin good so you're
ready to turn on the naked chef
[Laughter]
[Music]
no what now tired oh okay everything
alright sure yeah yeah it's just that
I'm so full I can't eat like that every
night you know what honey tomorrow
welcome no no no no you stay out of my
kitchen little Missy it's gonna be a
long time before you cook down there
again how does sandwiches look good
these aren't sandwiches their panini now
you need to microwave these for exactly
15 seconds to soften up the bread for
teens not enough and 16 you might as
well throw it away with this is your
gazpacho you remember what goes on top
yeah ground pepper cracked pepper and
what's the difference you know what just
go eat something off the floor okay okay
cracked pepper all right bye honey I got
to get to the produce market before work
if I don't get there early everything's
been picked over you have any idea how
frustrating that can be I have an idea
hey let me get this straight you
couldn't get turned on because he's
cooking I kept seeing him in there
girlie apron like mrs. Doubtfire was
coming at me I don't know I mean makes
these incredible muffins and you don't
have to have sex with them I don't do
the downside I know it's hard for you to
imagine but I do enjoy my sex life with
Belle okay i'm eating know what my
problem is if it possible that you feel
diminished as a woman because he is you
surfing your role as the nurturing
mother yeah right I want to try to pay a
woman at the mall to breastfeed Lauren
for me ask him to stop cooking what you
crazy the food is fabulous plus I have
all this free time there's just
something about him cooking that makes
my skin crawl maybe it's your button
what are you talking about well if the
girl had the thing that turns a rough
like me I mean I can't even think about
dating a guy who ties one of those
sweaters around his shoulders
would be on that one you just want to
yank the sleeves in toco certain stuff
is just hard liar I mean if you're
wearing pleated pants with the t-shirt
oh really oh yeah fanny pack corduroy
jacket none of it when did you ever
think that you had too many buttons oh
that's another one button fly jeans
where are you Amish I don't know maybe
it's the apron yeah the girly frilly
apron I need to go out and buy him a
manly masculine macho a friend forgot my
sweater see I wouldn't be how about this
one imagine the possibility whimsical
don't you think okay I don't want
whimsical I don't want sizzlemaster I
don't want BBQ tea I want something
manly something a man would wear not a
frilly lady girl I have this apron I'm
so sorry it's just that ever since my
husband started cooking there have been
issues in the household issue you know
marital issues
I need a more manly apron so I could
have sex with my husband again you're
asking a lot from an apron lady
oh you're cooking again I'm just
roasting some lamb shanks but I had an
inspiration at work today I'm gonna make
my own dry rub just using a little pick
up put this on oh hey he bought me a new
I yeah how does it look I don't know
kiss me that was a little hard you know
what you look tired you need to take a
break you know have a beer um I'm
cooking dinner oh you know what I'll do
it you've been cooking for so long now
just checked out apron off and relax go
oh my god good right yeah of course it's
good it's beer what you doing mind if I
watch no I don't know but wouldn't you
rather go watch sports yeah there's
nothing on tonight I'm can i make it a
suggestion you know with onions most of
the stuff that makes you cry is it the
rude end so what I do is I cut it in
half first place the cut side down and
then cut almost all the way through
north to south north
no okay okay you know what I think I
package hmm what you know you should
caramelize those onions before you put
them and sure without a lot of flavor
you know what bill I want to keep it
soon no it is simple I'll show you you
just saw tan to a deep brown and deglaze
the pan with a touch of wine have just a
whisper of shell you've turned into a
woman what I'm sorry I didn't mean that
yes I did you talkin about I'm sorry
bill i know it's old-fashioned but every
time i see you cooking you become this
crucial i put it chef boy r you girly
boy are you girly yeah in my mind oh god
just in your mind come on you must have
something irrational and crazy that
turns you off every time i do it don't
you no not even when i put on those big
manly work boots and downstairs to
fix the furnace and come back up all
covered in grime yeah he's talking bill
I'm sorry you know I tried I just cannot
have sex with you anymore if you
continue to cook that's just ridiculous
I finally find something I'm good at now
I have to give it up because you have
some kind of crazy hang up you know what
maybe maybe I've had enough sex for a
while maybe I can be happy just putting
all my passion into my cooking what are
you doing I'm smashing garlic cloves
smash another one that's not but the
recipe only calls you
now get your flu
what's for dinner you know what we had
last night scream of that delicious I
loved it last night with a fork I love
it tonight with a spoon so what you're
saying is cooking turn off smashing
garlic well kick meet up at bart well I
kind of realized the only way I can get
on board with his cooking was for him to
become the angry or may he didn't want
to be mean the man loves food so we
compromised and agreed that I'll do all
the cooking while he goes back to lying
around doing absolutely wait a minute
[Music]
I wouldn't have it any
way cuz it makes me
[Applause]
[Music]