02x05 - Down On the Farm / Martha Runs Away

[bunniefuu]

Martha was an average dog *

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks, yeah,
she speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks
and speaks... *

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. *

Hi, there!

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two!

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks

* And speaks and speaks
and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates,
bloviates and overtakes and... *

(panting)

* ...hyperventilates!

* Martha, to reiterate...

Martha speaks!
* Martha speaks.

(static hisses)

(in high-pitched voice:)
Hello. My name is Helen.

This is my room.

Here's my things!

HELEN:
Oh, stop it.

You're doing it wrong.

Today's show is all about work.

You'll hear words
like opportunity,

promotion and success.

See if you can spot them all.

(high-pitched voice):
Hey, it's my diary.

Let's see what I wrote
about my cool friend T.D.

Give that back!

On with the show!

(engine rumbling)

MARTHA:
* slabs of beef
on the wall *

* slabs of beef

* You take one down,
pass it around *

* slabs
of beef on the wall! *

Martha, it's time
to change songs.

We're a little tired
of this one.

How about
" Loins of Pork"?

That's a good one.

You ever been to a farm, Helen?

Nope.
You're going
to love it.

Hey, maybe we can go fishing
tomorrow

after we finish our chores.

Oh, you kids don't have to do
any chores.

You should have
no responsibilities

during your vacation.

I love chores.

I do things to help out
around the house all the time.

(lisping):
This tongue is designed
to clean dishes.

The chores on a farm are
a bit different

than the little daily jobs
you have back at home.

There's herding the sheep,
feeding the chickens,

milking the cows.

You really want to help out
with those?

Are you kidding?

Those don't sound
like jobs at all;

they sound like fun.

I just know I'm going to love
being in the country.

(inhales)

Ah! Smell that air.

It smells like cinnamon,
and yeast,

and... partially hydrogenated
vegetable oil.

That sounds
more like a donut.

It is. There's a box
in the trunk.

Can I have one?

No.

(brakes squeak)

Home, sweet home.

Ah! Listen
to that silence.

You can't "listen"
to silence, T.D.

(distant howling)

That didn't sound like silence!

(chuckling)

That's just the new basset
hound our neighbor's got.

Look at you two.

What a bunch of city slickers.

Didn't sound like any
basset hound I've ever heard.

(leaves rustle)

(rooster crows)

See you, Helen.

I'm off to do the chores.

(chirping)

* Oh... I'm a farm dog,
I work all day *

* I rise in the morning
and I pull the hay *

* There's a lot to do,
but that's okay *

* 'Cause I'm a farm dog
and I like it that way. *

Mornin', Flossie.

I need one regular,

one two-percent,
and one chocolate.

(cowbell clanks)

Thanks, Flossie.

(Flossie moos)

HELEN:
Breakfast is ready!

(clanging)
Come and get it!

What's
for breakfast, Helen?

Oh, the usual.

Bacon, flapjacks,
corn muffins, grits,

bacon, scrambled eggs,
sausages,

bacon, waffles, French toast,
and bacon.

Wake up, Martha.

If you want to help me
with those chores,

then it's time
to rise and shine.

(grunts)

Oh, what a dream.

But I'm tired,
and it's still dark out.

Not for long.

The sun will rise
in a minute;

and when the sun rises,
so does the farmer.

Okay, okay, I'm rising.

(grunts, groans)

Ooh, sleepy paw.

Look at all these trees.

Mmm, and this grass is
much tastier

than the stuff at the park.

All righty,
so here's our first task.

You see those sheep in there?

Yuh-huh. Hi, sheep!

(bleating)

We have to herd them from
that pen into this pasture.

Huh?
But we already heard them.

They said "Baa!"

(chuckling)

I meant a different kind
of "herd"--

not like,
"I heard what they said,"

but herd, like moving them from
one place to another in a group.

Oh!

Herding sounds easy.

(latch creaks)

Well, not always.

Those sheep can be
pretty stubborn.

Ah, leave it to me.

Listen up, sheep.

I have
a responsibility here,

and that means
I've got a job to do,

and you're going
to help me do it.

I want you to move
from here to there.

Okay now, on my count.

One, two,
three... move!

(sheep bleating)
Wow!

(gate creaks)

That's impressive.

Ah, it's all
in the tone.

So, what's next?

You're responsible for keeping
them in this pasture

and making sure they
don't wander out.

Think you can handle
that while I feed the chickens?

No problem!

See ya, Martha.

You're a great farm dog.

Okay, sheep,

you heard, C.K.
Eat as much as you want,

but there's to be
no wandering from the...

H-Hey, wait.
Where are you going?

You're supposed to stay
right here, in the pasture.

(bleats)

Oh, the woods are part
of the pasture, too?

(bleats)

And the house, too?

Oh, well, okay,
as long as you're still...

in the pasture.

Well, that's that job
under control.

I guess I'll see
if C.K. needs some help

with some other chores.

HELEN:
Okay, the worm is on the hook.

What now?

Now you cast
your line...

like this.
(reel whirrs)

(reel whirrs)

Done.
What do we do next?

T.D.:
Nothing.

Nothing?
Yep.

Our work is all done.

Now it's the fish's job
to bite.

(sighs contentedly)

Fresh air, quiet,
and no tasks.

Tasks?

Yeah, little jobs
you're supposed to do.

You know, like mowing
the lawn, homework...

Oh! I thought tasks
were a kind of fish.

C.K.?! Yoo-hoo!

I'm ready for my next task.

(clucking)

Hello, ladies.

(clucking frantically)

I'm Martha,
your temporary farm dog.

Any jobs I can do
around here?

(clucking)

Sit on your eggs?

Isn't that a chicken's
responsibility?

(clucking)

I'll be better at it
because I have a bigger bottom?

Okay.

(clucking excitedly)

Ooh, huh, at least
they're nice and toasty.

Oh, look!
There's newspaper on the floor!

(gasps)
That's one mean-looking dog.

Actually, it doesn't
really look like a dog.

I wonder what it could be?

T.D.:
That one looks like a potato.

And that one looks
like my cousin J.T.

He has toes.

He has toes,
you know.

I just see clouds.

Why aren't the fish biting?

It's been almost an hour.

Don't they eat breakfast?

They're sleeping in.

Want a granola bar?
Yeah!

(grunting)

Hey!
That was my breakfast!

Maybe we should have baited
the hooks with granola.

(yawns)

How long do I have to sit
on these eggs, anyway?

Oh, no! The sheep!

I should probably go check
on them.

Don't worry, eggs.

I'm sure the chickens
will be back soon.

Here, sheepy-sheepy-sheep!

(cow moos)

(gasps)

That sounds like an animal
calling for help!

Hold on, I'm coming!!

(mooing)
All right, ma'am,
you can relax now.

I'm Martha,
your temporary farm dog.

Now what seems to be
the problem?

(moos)

Oh. You're hungry.

Is that all?

(all mooing)

That'll do the job!

(grunting)

(sighs)

Here you go!

That should take care
of lunch and dinner too.

Feeding the cows
was a lot more fun

than sitting on eggs,
that's for su-su...

Uh-oh. I'm still moving.

A hayride!

Perfect!

MARTHA:
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

Faster! Faster!

(laughing)

Martha?!

(gasps)
Whoa!

(bleating and clucking)

Aah! They took my worm again!

That's the fifth one.

You fish are going to pay,
you hear me?

Helen, getting angry at the
fish isn't going to help.

I have a much
better idea.

What's that?

We beg.

Please, please, just
take one little bite!

We've been
waiting for hours!

MARTHA:
Faster! Faster!

(wheels rattling)

(whoops)
Yeah!

Ugh!tha whoops)
Ugh!

(Martha chuckles)

(whoops)

Aw, that was
amazing!

You kids have
to try it.

Hey, did you catch
anything yet?

I'm starving.

MARTHA:
But I thought the pasture
included the house.

No, the pasture
is just that

green grassy area
where the animals eat.

Well, those sheep tricked me.

And the chickens tried to get me
to do their jobs for them.

I'm a terrible farm dog.

No, you're not.

It's just a whole new set
of responsibilities.

I'll just stay in my room
all day tomorrow.

That way I won't
cause any trouble.

(crickets chirping)

(bleating)

(bleating in distance)

Ooh, what's that?

Oh, it's just those sheep,

probably lying
to somebody else.

Actually, they sound
really afraid.

I better go tell C.K.

(bleating)

They're saying that they saw
something roaming around.

Hmm. Could be a stray.

I'm going to check
on the chickens.

You stay here.

This better not be one
of your sheep tricks!

(bleating)

(growling)

It's that mean-looking creature
from the newspaper!

They're trapped!

I've got to do something!

(growling)

(bleating)

(gate squeaks)

Quick, into
the pasture,

but stay together
in a herd.

There's safety in numbers.

(bleating)

(growling)

(gasps)

(bleating)

Huh! You see that?

Everyone is safe.

(gate squeaks and clicks)

(whimpers)
Except for me.

(growling)

Oh, you're a coyote.

I always wondered
what one of those looked like.

(growling)

(barking)

(whimpers)

Ha! Take that!

It's okay, CK.

I've got everything
under control.

It was just a coyote.

They're all howl
and no bite.

HELEN:
Thanks for a
great weekend, CK!

I should be the
one thanking you.

If Martha hadn't been
there, I don't know

what would have
happened to those sheep.

Oh, it was nothing.

So, what did you think
of the farm, Martha?

Well, those jobs were not easy,

but my chores at home
are no walk in the park, either.

Actually, one of them is
a walk in the park.

And then there's chasing cars

and squirrels,
and digging in the yard and...

(Martha yawns)

Just thinking of all I have
to do is making me tired.

BOSS:
If you liked
"Martha's Farm Song"...

* Oh, I'm a farm dog,
I work all day *

* I rise in the morning
and I pull the hay... *

BOSS:
...Then check out
Martha's Songs of Toil,

such as "The Toil Song."

(to "The Dreidel Song"):
* Toil, toil, toil

* That means to work, not play

* Toil, toil, toil

* I do it every day!

BOSS:
Or how about
that timeless classic,

"Toil All Day"--

(to "Roll, Roll,
Roll Your Boat"):
* Toil, toil, toil, toil

* I've worked my life away

* Toil, toil, toil, toil

* When will I get my pay?

Martha, are you
going to help?

Oh, sorry, I got
to go sell records.

BOSS:
Martha's Songs of Toil
are not available in stores,

online, by mail,
telephone or street vendor.

HELEN:
I have to go help Mom.

Can you keep an eye
on Jake for a minute?

No problem.

I'll be
right back.

(sniffing)
Ah, soup!

(thudding and clattering)

Skits, what are you doing?

(growls)

Digging in the kitchen
garbage is a no!

We have to
clean this up.

Ah! Hi!
What?

(phone line beeping)
No, Jake.

We don't feed the phone.

(burbles and
sputters)

I know it talks, but...

Here, I'll clean it off.

(Jake giggling)

(kitchenware clinking)

(gasps)

(gasps)
Skits!

Oh, no!

HELEN:
Martha!

I thought
I asked you to watch...

(Helen gasps,
Jake babbles)

Who knocked over
the garbage?

Oh, it wasn't me. I...

I suppose those aren't
your garbagey paw prints?

And who was
licking the phone?

Well, Jake had the...

Don't blame...

(gasps):
My breakfast!

That's it.

Oh! You're
in trouble.

Go outside with Skits.

But...
Go!

It wasn't my fault!

Oh, what's the use?

They don't appreciate me.

(Skits barking)

No, they don't.

If they appreciated me,
that would mean

they saw the good things
about me.

But they don't appreciate me.

They just yell at me.

Fine!

I know where I'm not wanted.

I'm not going
to let a little thing

like not being appreciated
hold me back.

Heck, I'm a talking dog.

And you know what?

I'll be fine on my own!

(upbeat intro plays)

* Watch out, world

* Martha's out on her own!

* Gonna grab this town
like it's a big juicy bone *

* It's my turn to howl,
just wait and see *

* Gonna chase success
right up a tree *

(squirrel chattering)

* Up till now, my life
was a boat with a hole in it *

* The future
is a stinky dead frog *

* I'm gonna roll in it

* Stand up on my paws

* I'm gonna get on my way!

* I'm gonna roll

* I'm gonna howl

* I'm gonna bark!

* I'm gonna...

Hey, gee, I'm getting
a little hungry here.

(Martha grunts)

(sniffing)

Ugh!

This garbage is garbage.

(echoing):
Don't you people
throw out any food?

(groans)

Look at me,
digging through the trash.

I'll never achieve my dreams
this way.

Only one thing to do--

get a move on, Martha.

Time to get a job.

Sorry, we don't
employ dogs.

But I-I could
clean plates.

I do it at home.

Just look at this tongue...

Look I'd love to hire you,
but there's nothing I can do.

No dogs.

It's a rule.

Sorry.

(sighs)

* Big town, you beat me

* What did I think?

* No dogs allowed?

* Well, big town, you stink!

Say, do you like
to talk?

Then have we got
an exciting opportunity for you!

Opportunity?

An opportunity means

you want to do.something

Yeah, yeah, I know
what it means,

but what's the opportunity?

But in this case,

it's an opportunity
for you to make money.

Yeah, okay, but how already?

...through the exciting,
fast-paced world

of telephone sales.

You're hired.

Really? You're going
to employ me?

Sure thing.

That's what employ means,
doesn't it?

I'm giving
you a job.

You're our
newest employee.

You don't mind that I'm a dog?

Well, you know
how to talk, right?

Sure.

On the phone, who's
going to know you're a dog?

Now, we got lots of
different products,

but they don't
sell themselves,

so go and
get talking!

Yes, Boss!

HELEN:
I called and called her.

And look, she's barely
touched her breakfast.

That's not
like Martha.

I guess she didn't appreciate
being yelled at.

But where
could she be?

Maybe she's lost,

alone, helpless!

Martha? Helpless?

Yeah, I guess
you're right.

Come on, let's
go find her.

(auto-dial beeping)

Hey, it dials the number
for you!

This is fun!

(copy machine whirring)

It is a lovely day,
isn't it, sir?

Kind of makes you want to go out
and roll around on the grass.

Well, yes,
I am selling something,

but first, tell me more
about that fudge recipe.

What's your secret?

Now, now, I think

you have to let your son know
you appreciate him.

(woman cries on other line)

You could try scratching him
behind the ears.

But, even better, how about
a magazine subscription?

Well, if someone was asking me
what I wanted for a present,

a membership in
the Meat of the Month Club

would be just the thing!

Can we put this
in your window?

MARTHA:
You'll take two? Great!

I'll need your name and address.

Let me transfer you
to someone with hands.

You sold all these
accounts this morning?

I'm stunned!
What's your secret?

I listen, I guess.

I'm giving you
a promotion.

You're promoting me?

That's right-- a promotion.

I'm giving you a better job.

Am I going to be your boss?

You're not getting
promoted that far.

Oh.

I'm promoting you

from a regular old
employee to manager.

Manager?

That's right.

You'll manage all
the other employees.

You'll be the boss of them.

Here's your new office, Martha.

Wow!

Thanks for the promotion.

Don't mention it.

Now get to work.

These employees
don't manage themselves!

Yes, sir!

(dogs barking inside)

MARTHA:
We have the best
job in the world.

We get to talk to people

and help them
get the things they need.

Discount cruises!

Lawn care prices

that I find,
frankly, remarkable.

Pocket Dutch
translation machines.

Cleaning products.

Vitamins.

Folks, this isn't just a job,

it's a calling!

(all sobbing)

Let's get out there
and help people!

(all cheering and whooping)

I decided you needed
an even bigger office.

MARTHA:
Wow!

By the way,
I never got your address.

Where do you live?

I guess I'm homeless now.

Oh. Home...

Well, you just let me
take care of that.

(sighs)

Oh, Martha!

(echoing):
Where are you?

BOSS:
Just look at this place!

Big TV, robotic
dog walker,

hot and cold running
alphabet soup.

What more
could you ask for?

You deserve it, kid.

You're a success.

Success? How
am I a success?

You've done everything
you set out to do, haven't you?

Mm-hmm.

That means you're a success.

You've been successful
at getting customers,

you've succeeded
as a manager.

What a day!

Uh, excuse me.

a call.to make
Go ahead.

I'll just treat myself to
some more of these dog biscuits.

Oh, what's the point?

I bet
they don't even remember me.

T.D.:
We need a plan.

If we had just one
sighting of her,

we'd know
where to start.

It's no use.

She hates me.

She doesn't hate you.

She's probably just, uh...

What are you saying?
You think she's in real trouble?

Hey, don't worry.

It's Martha, right?

I mean, she could have gotten
a job at some company,

and shot up through the ranks

and be living at some
sky-high apartment by now.

Yeah, right.

Did you call the pound again?

They're closed.

I'll call them
in the morning.

(sighs)

I'd like to go a special way
to the office, if that's okay.

The pound opens
in a few minutes.

They probably
haven't found her,

but it's worth a try.

Slow down here, please.

What's that?

They found Martha!

(all shouting happily)

Guess they're happy without me.

Okay, you can take me
to work now.

HELEN:
What? I can't hear you.

You have to
speak up.

A Chihuahua?!

No, Martha's not a Chihuahua.

You're sure
she's not there?

Okay. Thanks.

(Helen crying)

Oh, Helen.

BOSS:
Nice day, huh, Martha?

Uh... yeah.

I don't know what
happened to her.

Yesterday,
she was great.

Our number-one employee;
top of her game.

Now look at her.

Come on, Martha...
pull it together.

They forgot all about you.

Doesn't matter.

They didn't
appreciate you, anyway.

Only one thing to do.

(click and hiss)

(whirring)

(sighs)

Get back to work.

(auto-dial beeping)

(ringing)

Hello. Are you interested
in an exciting opportunity?

(crying over phone)

Oh, what's the matter?

I just lost my best friend.

Oh, yeah, I know what you mean.

My friend was really smart,

and she smelled really good
after she had a bath.

Oh, well, mine was smart,

and she smelled really good
before she had a bath.

If I ever got
to see my friend again,

I would hug her
and tell her how sorry I am,

and that I'd never take her
for granted ever again.

That's exactly what I'd do, too!

Oh, well. Thanks for calling.

Wait!

Yes?

Have you ever considered joining
the Meat of the Month Club?

Oh... you'd have
to ask my parents about that.

Sure.

My mom will be back
from the flower shop at : .

Flower shop?

Wait a second.

Is her name Mariela?

How do you
know that?

Helen?!
Martha?!

You mean you... you...

...missed me?
Missed me?

Of course!

We've been looking
for you all over!

I'm so sorry I yelled at you.

Can you forgive me?

(dial tone)

Martha? Hello?

She hung up.

She must really, really hate me.

MARTHA:pens)
Are you kidding?

Martha!

You're home! Home!

* I wanted to go

* Thought I needed to roam

* Telemarketing's great

* But it isn't like home!

So, are you going back
to work tomorrow?

Well, having a
job is great,

but it's no substitute
for a family.

Since the dawn of time,

dogs have been not only
humankind's best friend,

but also
its most faithful employee.

Dogs assist the handicapped,

and are employed
on farms to herd sheep.

People employ dogs to help them
travel over the snow.

There are some jobs, however,

that dogs should never
be allowed to perform.

Such as... waiter.

Uh, where's my food?!

(barks)

PROFESSOR:
Never employ a dog
as your doctor.

Feel better now?

PROFESSOR:
And never, ever hire dogs
as taxi drivers.

(dog barking
and squirrel chittering)

PROFESSOR:
Dogs-- employ them carefully!

T.D.:
All better.

HELEN:
You're in the way.

T.D.:
Sorry.

Did you see all the words
about jobs?

Let's watch a few.

You're hired.

Really? You're going
to employ me?

Sure thing.

That's what "employ" means,
doesn't it?

I'm giving you a job.

Listen up, sheep!

I have a responsibility here,

and that means,
I've got a job to do,

and you're going
to help me do it.

An opportunity means a chance
to do something you want to do.

Wow! That was
a lot of work.

See you soon.

To dig up some more fun words
and games,

* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Decota.

I got Decota at MSPCA Angell.

They have an adoption center
there.

WOMAN:
Do you want to take
that dog for a walk?

Yeah.

WOMAN:
So you're all set.
You can bring Decota home.

Puppies need exercise.

The best thing about
having a puppy is

that you have someone
to play with.

* He's that dog... *
* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *