07x31 - Take the Initial Premise Lightly, and It'll Cost You
Posted: 09/23/22 13:21
Kag: Too hot.
Gin: What the hell is going on this summer?
Gin: Apparently today's temperature set yet another all-time high.
Shin: Is this due to global warming, too?
Shin: Just what is this globe headed toward?
Kag: That's not what I mean.
Kag: I'm saying you guys are making it too hot in here!
Kag: Get out! This is my parasol, 'kay?!
Gin: Keep it down, or we'll attract attention.
Gin: We're tailing this guy, y'know.
Kag: Walking like three dumplings on a stick in this heat will attract way more attention!
Gin: Jump out under this blazing sun, and we dumplings will turn into a chicken kebab.
Gin: Share the love for once.
Gin: You always get this nice chill all to yourself.
Kag: Say what? I don't walk around with a parasol because I want to, 'kay?!
Kag: We Yato are—
Gin: Yeah, yeah.
Gin: I bet you'd almost forgotten about the whole "weak to sunlight" premise.
Gin: I bet you were struggling to keep up the act.
Shin: There have been plenty of times when
Shin: you forgot your parasol and ran around in the sunlight without a problem.
Shin: Just forget about the character premise and stuff.
Shin: In this heat, we should take it all off and cast it aside.
Kag: Why are you guys using the heat as an excuse to make outrageous remarks?
Gin: When you air a program for so long,
Gin: you're bound to run into one or two inconvenient premises.
Gin: Our viewers will understand.
Gin: Nobody will say anything if a parasol or a four-eyes vanishes in the next cut.
Shin: They sure as hell will!
Shin: Why are you k*lling off a human being along with a premise?!
Kag: Just get out already, 'kay?! It's stinking hot in here!
Gin: Don't wanna! I can't take the heat anymore!
Gin: No!
Shin: Gin-san! The target's entering the love hotel district!
Gin: What?!
Gin: Hurry up, get the camera ready!
Shin: Oh, no. We lost them.
Shin: There goes our chance to get proof of his adultery.
Gin: Nah. They probably entered one of these hotels.
Gin: We have no choice now.
Gin: Let's stake this place out and take their picture when they come out.
Shin: What? In this hellfire and brimstone?
Gin: I'll keep watch for now, so you guys
Gin: come take over in thirty minutes.
Gin: Hey, Kagura. Lend me your parasol.
Shin: You're holding it already.
Gin: Oh, crap.
Gin: Hey, Kagura. I'm borrowing this parasol, okay?
Gin: Hey, you listening to me?
Gin: Kagura?
Shin: Doesn't something seem off?
Shin: Kagura-chan?
Gin: Hey, Kagu...
Gin: Kagura.
Gin: Hey, Kagura!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Title: Take the Initial Premise Lightly, and It'll Cost You
Hospital,Sign: Oedo Hospital
Warning ,Sign: Notice from Oedo Hospital: When watching television on the premises, please do so in a bright room and at a safe distance from the set.
Gin: So, Doctor.
Gin: What's wrong with Kagura?
DBJ: Just heatstroke...
Shin: Thank goodness.
DBJ: ...is what it looks like,
DBJ: but something's weird.
DBJ: We've given her all the usual treatments, but her fever's not going down at all.
DBJ: She's an alien, isn't she?
DBJ: And an extremely rare type, at that.
DBJ: Unfortunately, this hospital doesn't have any detailed data on the Yato race.
DBJ: I've heard they have extremely low resistance to sunlight.
DBJ: Do you have any idea what might've caused this?
DBJ: Like, did you expose her to sunlight for a long period?
Gin: No, I have no idea.
DBJ: Or, perhaps, force excessive work on her without giving her any water in this heat?
Gin: No, I have no idea.
DBJ: We'll admit her.
DBJ: All we can do is observe her condition for a while.
DBJ: In the meantime, I'll look for data and a hospital that can treat her.
DBJ: At this point, I'm afraid I can't tell you
DBJ: whether her condition will get better or worse.
Shin: I-It's our fault.
Shin: It's all because we took Kagura-chan's premise lightly and did such a horrible thing!
Gin: S-Settle down.
Gin: Surely her illness isn't a big deal.
Gin: Heat wave or not, she's been handling sunlight perfectly fine all this while.
Shin: Maybe she was pushing herself to keep up with us.
Shin: During her long stay on Earth,
Shin: the sun might've started eating into her body at some point!
Shin: It's all our fault!
Shin: We should've paid more attention!
Gin: Don't worry, man.
Gin: You know she's not the type to lose to mere sunlight.
Gin: She must be celebrating in her room because she gets to eat
Gin: something other than egg-on-rice.
Gin: Right, Kagura?
Kag: I'm telling you, I don't want this.
Kag: I don't have any appetite.
N: But if you don't eat, your body won't get better.
Kag: It won't get better, even if I do eat.
Kag: I know my body better than anyone else.
Shin: K-Kagura-chan!
Kag: Oh, you two came to see me.
Shin: What's wrong, Kagura-chan?
Gin: What happened to the "kay"? Why are you coughing all of a sudden?
Shin: I can't believe you're not touching your food.
Shin: Are you that sick?
Kag: Sorry for messing up our job.
Kag: I tried my best not to be a burden on you all,
Kag: but it seems that only burdened you more.
Kag: You don't have to worry about me.
Kag: I knew that this day would come.
Kag: That this sunny planet was no place
Kag: for bloody, violent outcasts like us.
Kag: That there was no place for us in this warm sunlight.
Kag: But even while the scorching light burned my body every day,
Kag: and the agony chipped away at my life,
Kag: I didn't leave you all
Kag: because I just didn't want to.
: You were suffering that much? You were enduring that much?!
Kag: So don't worry, Gin-chan.
Kag: It's not your fault at all.
Gin: It's my fault?! Am I really the bad guy here?!
Gin: C-Come on, Kagura. Quit joking.
Gin: It's just heatstroke, right?
Gin: You'll be fine.
Gin: Y-You're such a drama queen, jeez.
Gin: Don't worry.
Gin: You'll be all better before—
N: What did you just do?!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
N: The doctor! Call the doctor!
Shin: Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan!
N: Just leave this to us.
N: Don't disturb her any more!
Shin: Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan!
N: Jeez, what is wrong with you?
N: I did tell you to hydrate yourself,
N: but after drinking this much, no wonder you don't want to eat.
Kag: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Kag: That worked better than I expected.
Kag: Feel more guilty. Blame yourself more.
Kag: You will regret making light of my heavy premise and treating me like garbage.
Kag: Luckily, this hospital doesn't seem to know much about the Yato.
Kag: Nobody will realize that I only have a summer cold.
Kag: This is a great chance for them to
Kag: learn once again the gravity of my premise, and just how important I am to them.
Kag: I'll stay like this and mess with them for a while longer.
N: How are you doing today, Kagura-san?
N: My body still feels as heavy as a rock and really sluggish.
N: I think I'll have to stay in the hospital for another week.
N: Huh? Was this the maternity ward?
N: Kagura-san, someone's here to visit you.
N: Wait, wait!
N: Crap, my belly!
Gin: Kagura, I'm coming in.
Kag: G-Gin-chan...
Kag: You came to visit me so early in the morning?
Gin: Y-Yeah. We spent the night in the hospital too, actually.
Gin: You okay?
Gin: Your breathing is ragged. Are you in pain?
Kag: Y-Yeah. My chest has been hurting since yesterday, and I couldn't sleep.
Gin: Also, what's up with that bulge under your blanket?
Kag: M-My body's gotten really bloated due to being exposed to bright sunlight.
Kag: Don't look at me. I don't want you all to see me like this.
Gin: Kagura...
Gin: R-Relax.
Gin: This is you we're talking about.
Gin: Everyone will just think you ate too much again. No one will care.
Kag: I really did just eat too much, though.
Gin: Oh, and I'll be staying in this room from today on, too.
Gin: Well, with the air conditioning here, it seems more comfortable than Odd Jobs,
Gin: and I can ogle nurses all I want.
Gin: So, uh...
Gin: You can relax and get some sleep.
Gin: This room is the same as the Odd Jobs you know.
Kag: He's being more considerate than usual.
Kag: Thank you, Gin-chan.
Kag: But I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay with you guys,
Kag: so I want to stay awake and spend as much time as possible with you.
Gin: D-Don't be stupid!
Gin: You'll jinx yourself.
Gin: I'm going to the store to buy Jump.
Gin: Do you need anything?
Kag: I-I want to eat pudding.
Gin: Pudding, huh?
Gin: Here.
Kag: That was quick!
Kag: Even though this is the third floor, and the store is on the first,
Kag: he got back in an instant!
Kag: Was it because I said I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them?
Kag: He must be feeling really guilty.
Kag: That said, he could be as useful as Doraemon right now.
Kag: Sorry, Gin-chan.
Kag: I thought I could eat something sweet, but my stomach's all queasy.
Kag: I'd like something more liquidy, like yo—
Gin: Yogurt, right?
Kag: Too quick!
Kag: He went and beat up Gian before Nobita could even finish saying "Doraemon"!
Kag: But he was so quick,
Kag: this hasn't even turned into yogurt yet!
Kag: Uh, Gin-chan, this hasn't fermented yet.
Kag: You were too quick.
Gin: Oh, is that so? No wonder I couldn't understand what was going on in Jump.
Gin: This is next week's issue.
Kag: What's that supposed to mean?!
Kag: You were so fast, you went to a store in the future?!
Kag: N-Never mind, then.
Kag: You love strawberry milk, right?
Kag: You can have this.
Gin: Yeah, I drank it earlier.
Kag: Forget fast, now he's just pissing me off.
Kag: In the end, all he did was hand me trash!
Kag: Eating that pudding made me sleepy.
Gin: Before you sleep, there's something I want to talk about.
Gin: Which would you prefer? A big funeral, or a small, private one?
Kag: You're jumping the g*n!
Kag: That's not the kind of sleep I was talking about.
Gin: S-Sorry, that was insensitive of me.
Gin: I wasn't talking about you.
Gin: I meant this.
Kag: That's way more insensitive!
Gin: I was thinking, if we could give you a sky burial, that'd be a big help.
Kag: You'd be fine even if I died, huh?
Gin: That's not true!
Kag: You're right.
Kag: With my body in this state, I'll soon...
Kag: Yeah.
Kag: See that tree outside the window?
Kag: By the time...
Sac: Why is that shrimp flirting with Gin-san?!
Kag: By the time that pervert falls from the tree, I'll be gone, too.
Gin: Th-There's no need to worry. Look!
Gin: The pervert is still hanging from that tree, all lively!
Kag: I wouldn't call that lively.
Kag: Anyway, not that one.
Shin: Sis, we need to hurry up and visit Kagura-chan!
Kag: The pervert over there is already stuck in the ground.
Gin: Don't worry! Look!
Gin: When a pervert falls to the ground, it'll sprout another pervert!
Kag: Not that one.
Kag: That one there is seriously trying to fall.
Gin: He was already fallen to begin with.
Kag: Oh, is that so?
Mad: Aren't you gonna save me?!
Gin: Look, everyone's here to visit you.
Gin: Cheer up.
Gin: If you look that gloomy, they'll laugh at you.
Kag: Looks like he's reflected on his actions a little.
Kag: Oh well.
Kag: Yeah, I kinda feel better now.
Gin: Kagura!
Kag: sh**t! I got greedy and ate too much!
Gin: Y-You okay?
Gin: Wait, what?
Gin: What's with your belly?
Kag: I-I can't breathe!
Kag: My consciousness is fading...
Gin: Hey, Kagura!
Gin: Doctor! Somebody help!
Gin: Hang in there, Kagura!
Gin: Kagura!
Kag: Th-This is bad.
Kag: I managed to distract him from my belly,
Kag: but now I'm in critical condition instead!
Kag: I never intended to take it this far. What do I do?
Hospital ,Sign: Oedo Hospital
Kag: What do I do?!
Shin: Gin-san, how's Kagura-chan?
Shin: K-Kagura-chan...
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Tae: How...
Tae: How did it come to this?
Gin: It's all my fault!
Gin: If only I'd realized it sooner...
Gin: Damn it...
Gin: Damn it...
Gin: Damn it all!
Kag: Oh my God.
Kag: Th-The mood in here has taken a seriously bad turn!
Kag: It totally feels like this is my deathbed!
Kag: I can't tell them. Not after all this.
Kag: I'd rather die than tell them it was just a summer cold!
Kag: This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I never intended to take it this far!
Kag: How did it come to this?
Kag: At this rate, the mood is gonna keep getting worse.
Kag: It's gonna get harder and harder to tell the truth!
Kag: I-I need to tell them now.
Kag: B-But no matter what excuse I make now,
Kag: it's obvious that they'll beat me into a coma.
Kag: I should wait for the right moment
Kag: and make it look like my condition's getting better!
Kag: H-Hey, Doctor!
Kag: Do something!
DBJ: Her heart rate and pulse are both perfectly stable.
DBJ: How could she be in a coma?
DBJ: This is a Yato disease, huh?
DBJ: There's nothing we can do with our medical science.
Kag: Uh, no, I'm just feigning illness here.
Kag: Just inject some medicine or give me a suppository, and I'll pretend to get better!
DBJ: Forgive me.
DBJ: Please stay by her side and continue to encourage her.
Kag: Aren't you a doctor?!
Kag: Do something! Anything!
Shin: Kagura-chan, hang in there!
Shin: Open your eyes!
Kag: They're wide open!
Kag: My eyeballs are dry as a desert! Let me rest them already!
Shin: Please come back to us, Kagura-chan!
Kag: I'm ready to come back at any time, so just give me a chance to!
Tae: Kagura-chan!
Kag: Oh, I know!
Kag: I can pretend I woke up thanks to them calling out to me!
Tae: Kagura-chan!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Kag: One more!
Gin: Kagura—
Oto: Stop it.
Oto: She's fought long enough.
Oto: Let her rest in peace.
Kag: Why'd you have to say that, you old hag?!
Kag: I could've woken up with one more call!
Shin: Otose-san...
Oto: Don't look so pathetic.
Oto: Can't you at least
Oto: send her off
Oto: with a smile
Oto: in the end?
Kag: Don't give up on me so easily!
Kag: I can still go on!
Kag: I'm perfectly fine!
Tama: I can tell you're all suffering.
Tama: But instead of spending her final moments in sorrow,
Tama: we should be ourselves.
Tama: Wouldn't that make Kagura-sama happier?
Kag: No. You're saying all the right things, but you're still giving up too quickly.
Cat: Tama's right.
Cat: Now, more than ever,
Cat: we must show her the everyday routine she loved so much.
Cat: Sakata-san,
Cat: cough up last month's rent.
Kag: Who cares about that?!
Kag: Now's not the time for that, is it?!
Gin: It's all my fault.
Gin: If only I hadn't gone to pachinko!
Kag: It really is your fault.
Kag: This is too serious! Were your rent-collecting scenes always this serious?!
Oto: I see.
Oto: Then, out of respect for Kagura,
Oto: I'll write it off as funeral fees.
Gin: Thanks.
Gin: I'd better be grateful to Kagura.
Oto: Not Kagura's.
Oto: Your funeral.
Gin: Touché.
Kag: That's not funny. There's a limit to dark humor!
Kag: And you, don't laugh your ass off! Want me to k*ll you?!
Kag: They've completely given up.
Kag: I'll never find a lifeboat here.
Kag: Somebody help!
Kag: Isn't there anyone who believes I won't die, someone who'll encourage me?!
Kyu: Isn't it too early to give up?
Kyu: Aren't you Kagura-chan's friends?
Kyu: If you give up on her this easily,
Kyu: what will become of her?
Kag: You guys!
Kag: You came to encourage me because I was sick?
Tsu: Don't give up hope just yet.
Spirit,Sign: For the spirit of the deceased
Tsu: I borrowed funeral offerings from everyone in advance.
Tsu: Use this to hold a funeral.
Kag: You were talking about the funeral?!
Spirit ,Sign: For the spirit of the deceased
Kag: I'm not even dead, and I'm already getting funeral offerings.
Kag: What, do people think I'm dead already?
Tae: You guys...
Tsu: I collected these from Yoshiwara, the Yagyu clan, and various other places.
Tsu: Use it.
Sac: That's Yoshiwara's most useful woman for you.
Kag: She's looking out for so many people that she's forgotten all about me!
Oto: Thank you so much.
Oto: I'm sure Kagura's smiling from up in heaven.
Kag: Seriously, I'm not dead yet!
Sac: Don't be so distant.
Sac: We need to support one another in these trying times.
Sac: So cheer up, everyone.
Kag: I'm the one who needs cheering up!
Kyu: Sarutobi, where's your funeral offering?
Gin: Th-Thank you!
Gin: I'll repay you by doubling it in pachinko!
Kag: You're gonna use the money on pachinko?!
Kag: So you don't intend to hold a funeral at all?!
Oto: In that case, consider rent as my offering.
Shin: Gin-san, my wages for this month, too.
Kag: Hey! What are you talking about?!
Gin: F-Forgive me, Kagura.
Gin: You'll be fine with a can of fruit drops as your grave, right?
Kag: Don't think you can get away with anything if you punch the wall and act the part!
Kyu: Gintoki, are you planning on embezzling our funeral offerings?
Kyu: Unacceptable. We're doing this for Kagura-chan's funeral.
Gin: I appreciate the thought,
Gin: but her will said to put her ashes in a can of fruit drops
Gin: and scatter them in a parking lot.
Tsu: You're the one who needs his ashes scattered!
Tsu: Kagura's spirit wouldn't pass on that way.
Tsu: She must be given a proper send-off.
Sac: That's right.
Sac: It'll be held alongside my wedding with Gin-san, so let's make it a big ceremony.
Tae: Good idea.
Tae: And then you two morons will also have your ashes scattered in a parking lot.
Tae: Wonderful.
Cat: And while we're at it,
Cat: let's hold a funeral for a certain hag, as well.
Oto: Funeral for who?!
Sac: If we set off for a new world in a group of three, Kagura-chan won't be lonely.
Tsu: You've got a point.
Kag: Uh, they're kinda getting engrossed in funeral chat.
Kag: Everything's proceeding under the premise that I'm dead.
Kag: This is bad news.
Kag: I might get thrown into a coffin at this rate.
Kag: I'd better do something.
Oki: Give it a rest.
Sign: Preview
Kag: This is bad.
Kag: I ran out of time while looking for a chance to revive.
Keep Your Farewells Short
Kag: The next episode will be "Keep Your Farewells Short" or something.
Sign: Preview
Kag: What do I do?!
text r: No matter what the occasion,
text l: don't talk for too long.
text r: It puts a damper on the proceedings
text l: and makes legs go numb.
Gin: What the hell is going on this summer?
Gin: Apparently today's temperature set yet another all-time high.
Shin: Is this due to global warming, too?
Shin: Just what is this globe headed toward?
Kag: That's not what I mean.
Kag: I'm saying you guys are making it too hot in here!
Kag: Get out! This is my parasol, 'kay?!
Gin: Keep it down, or we'll attract attention.
Gin: We're tailing this guy, y'know.
Kag: Walking like three dumplings on a stick in this heat will attract way more attention!
Gin: Jump out under this blazing sun, and we dumplings will turn into a chicken kebab.
Gin: Share the love for once.
Gin: You always get this nice chill all to yourself.
Kag: Say what? I don't walk around with a parasol because I want to, 'kay?!
Kag: We Yato are—
Gin: Yeah, yeah.
Gin: I bet you'd almost forgotten about the whole "weak to sunlight" premise.
Gin: I bet you were struggling to keep up the act.
Shin: There have been plenty of times when
Shin: you forgot your parasol and ran around in the sunlight without a problem.
Shin: Just forget about the character premise and stuff.
Shin: In this heat, we should take it all off and cast it aside.
Kag: Why are you guys using the heat as an excuse to make outrageous remarks?
Gin: When you air a program for so long,
Gin: you're bound to run into one or two inconvenient premises.
Gin: Our viewers will understand.
Gin: Nobody will say anything if a parasol or a four-eyes vanishes in the next cut.
Shin: They sure as hell will!
Shin: Why are you k*lling off a human being along with a premise?!
Kag: Just get out already, 'kay?! It's stinking hot in here!
Gin: Don't wanna! I can't take the heat anymore!
Gin: No!
Shin: Gin-san! The target's entering the love hotel district!
Gin: What?!
Gin: Hurry up, get the camera ready!
Shin: Oh, no. We lost them.
Shin: There goes our chance to get proof of his adultery.
Gin: Nah. They probably entered one of these hotels.
Gin: We have no choice now.
Gin: Let's stake this place out and take their picture when they come out.
Shin: What? In this hellfire and brimstone?
Gin: I'll keep watch for now, so you guys
Gin: come take over in thirty minutes.
Gin: Hey, Kagura. Lend me your parasol.
Shin: You're holding it already.
Gin: Oh, crap.
Gin: Hey, Kagura. I'm borrowing this parasol, okay?
Gin: Hey, you listening to me?
Gin: Kagura?
Shin: Doesn't something seem off?
Shin: Kagura-chan?
Gin: Hey, Kagu...
Gin: Kagura.
Gin: Hey, Kagura!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Title: Take the Initial Premise Lightly, and It'll Cost You
Hospital,Sign: Oedo Hospital
Warning ,Sign: Notice from Oedo Hospital: When watching television on the premises, please do so in a bright room and at a safe distance from the set.
Gin: So, Doctor.
Gin: What's wrong with Kagura?
DBJ: Just heatstroke...
Shin: Thank goodness.
DBJ: ...is what it looks like,
DBJ: but something's weird.
DBJ: We've given her all the usual treatments, but her fever's not going down at all.
DBJ: She's an alien, isn't she?
DBJ: And an extremely rare type, at that.
DBJ: Unfortunately, this hospital doesn't have any detailed data on the Yato race.
DBJ: I've heard they have extremely low resistance to sunlight.
DBJ: Do you have any idea what might've caused this?
DBJ: Like, did you expose her to sunlight for a long period?
Gin: No, I have no idea.
DBJ: Or, perhaps, force excessive work on her without giving her any water in this heat?
Gin: No, I have no idea.
DBJ: We'll admit her.
DBJ: All we can do is observe her condition for a while.
DBJ: In the meantime, I'll look for data and a hospital that can treat her.
DBJ: At this point, I'm afraid I can't tell you
DBJ: whether her condition will get better or worse.
Shin: I-It's our fault.
Shin: It's all because we took Kagura-chan's premise lightly and did such a horrible thing!
Gin: S-Settle down.
Gin: Surely her illness isn't a big deal.
Gin: Heat wave or not, she's been handling sunlight perfectly fine all this while.
Shin: Maybe she was pushing herself to keep up with us.
Shin: During her long stay on Earth,
Shin: the sun might've started eating into her body at some point!
Shin: It's all our fault!
Shin: We should've paid more attention!
Gin: Don't worry, man.
Gin: You know she's not the type to lose to mere sunlight.
Gin: She must be celebrating in her room because she gets to eat
Gin: something other than egg-on-rice.
Gin: Right, Kagura?
Kag: I'm telling you, I don't want this.
Kag: I don't have any appetite.
N: But if you don't eat, your body won't get better.
Kag: It won't get better, even if I do eat.
Kag: I know my body better than anyone else.
Shin: K-Kagura-chan!
Kag: Oh, you two came to see me.
Shin: What's wrong, Kagura-chan?
Gin: What happened to the "kay"? Why are you coughing all of a sudden?
Shin: I can't believe you're not touching your food.
Shin: Are you that sick?
Kag: Sorry for messing up our job.
Kag: I tried my best not to be a burden on you all,
Kag: but it seems that only burdened you more.
Kag: You don't have to worry about me.
Kag: I knew that this day would come.
Kag: That this sunny planet was no place
Kag: for bloody, violent outcasts like us.
Kag: That there was no place for us in this warm sunlight.
Kag: But even while the scorching light burned my body every day,
Kag: and the agony chipped away at my life,
Kag: I didn't leave you all
Kag: because I just didn't want to.
: You were suffering that much? You were enduring that much?!
Kag: So don't worry, Gin-chan.
Kag: It's not your fault at all.
Gin: It's my fault?! Am I really the bad guy here?!
Gin: C-Come on, Kagura. Quit joking.
Gin: It's just heatstroke, right?
Gin: You'll be fine.
Gin: Y-You're such a drama queen, jeez.
Gin: Don't worry.
Gin: You'll be all better before—
N: What did you just do?!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
N: The doctor! Call the doctor!
Shin: Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan!
N: Just leave this to us.
N: Don't disturb her any more!
Shin: Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan!
N: Jeez, what is wrong with you?
N: I did tell you to hydrate yourself,
N: but after drinking this much, no wonder you don't want to eat.
Kag: Yeah. Sorry about that.
Kag: That worked better than I expected.
Kag: Feel more guilty. Blame yourself more.
Kag: You will regret making light of my heavy premise and treating me like garbage.
Kag: Luckily, this hospital doesn't seem to know much about the Yato.
Kag: Nobody will realize that I only have a summer cold.
Kag: This is a great chance for them to
Kag: learn once again the gravity of my premise, and just how important I am to them.
Kag: I'll stay like this and mess with them for a while longer.
N: How are you doing today, Kagura-san?
N: My body still feels as heavy as a rock and really sluggish.
N: I think I'll have to stay in the hospital for another week.
N: Huh? Was this the maternity ward?
N: Kagura-san, someone's here to visit you.
N: Wait, wait!
N: Crap, my belly!
Gin: Kagura, I'm coming in.
Kag: G-Gin-chan...
Kag: You came to visit me so early in the morning?
Gin: Y-Yeah. We spent the night in the hospital too, actually.
Gin: You okay?
Gin: Your breathing is ragged. Are you in pain?
Kag: Y-Yeah. My chest has been hurting since yesterday, and I couldn't sleep.
Gin: Also, what's up with that bulge under your blanket?
Kag: M-My body's gotten really bloated due to being exposed to bright sunlight.
Kag: Don't look at me. I don't want you all to see me like this.
Gin: Kagura...
Gin: R-Relax.
Gin: This is you we're talking about.
Gin: Everyone will just think you ate too much again. No one will care.
Kag: I really did just eat too much, though.
Gin: Oh, and I'll be staying in this room from today on, too.
Gin: Well, with the air conditioning here, it seems more comfortable than Odd Jobs,
Gin: and I can ogle nurses all I want.
Gin: So, uh...
Gin: You can relax and get some sleep.
Gin: This room is the same as the Odd Jobs you know.
Kag: He's being more considerate than usual.
Kag: Thank you, Gin-chan.
Kag: But I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay with you guys,
Kag: so I want to stay awake and spend as much time as possible with you.
Gin: D-Don't be stupid!
Gin: You'll jinx yourself.
Gin: I'm going to the store to buy Jump.
Gin: Do you need anything?
Kag: I-I want to eat pudding.
Gin: Pudding, huh?
Gin: Here.
Kag: That was quick!
Kag: Even though this is the third floor, and the store is on the first,
Kag: he got back in an instant!
Kag: Was it because I said I wanted to spend as much time as possible with them?
Kag: He must be feeling really guilty.
Kag: That said, he could be as useful as Doraemon right now.
Kag: Sorry, Gin-chan.
Kag: I thought I could eat something sweet, but my stomach's all queasy.
Kag: I'd like something more liquidy, like yo—
Gin: Yogurt, right?
Kag: Too quick!
Kag: He went and beat up Gian before Nobita could even finish saying "Doraemon"!
Kag: But he was so quick,
Kag: this hasn't even turned into yogurt yet!
Kag: Uh, Gin-chan, this hasn't fermented yet.
Kag: You were too quick.
Gin: Oh, is that so? No wonder I couldn't understand what was going on in Jump.
Gin: This is next week's issue.
Kag: What's that supposed to mean?!
Kag: You were so fast, you went to a store in the future?!
Kag: N-Never mind, then.
Kag: You love strawberry milk, right?
Kag: You can have this.
Gin: Yeah, I drank it earlier.
Kag: Forget fast, now he's just pissing me off.
Kag: In the end, all he did was hand me trash!
Kag: Eating that pudding made me sleepy.
Gin: Before you sleep, there's something I want to talk about.
Gin: Which would you prefer? A big funeral, or a small, private one?
Kag: You're jumping the g*n!
Kag: That's not the kind of sleep I was talking about.
Gin: S-Sorry, that was insensitive of me.
Gin: I wasn't talking about you.
Gin: I meant this.
Kag: That's way more insensitive!
Gin: I was thinking, if we could give you a sky burial, that'd be a big help.
Kag: You'd be fine even if I died, huh?
Gin: That's not true!
Kag: You're right.
Kag: With my body in this state, I'll soon...
Kag: Yeah.
Kag: See that tree outside the window?
Kag: By the time...
Sac: Why is that shrimp flirting with Gin-san?!
Kag: By the time that pervert falls from the tree, I'll be gone, too.
Gin: Th-There's no need to worry. Look!
Gin: The pervert is still hanging from that tree, all lively!
Kag: I wouldn't call that lively.
Kag: Anyway, not that one.
Shin: Sis, we need to hurry up and visit Kagura-chan!
Kag: The pervert over there is already stuck in the ground.
Gin: Don't worry! Look!
Gin: When a pervert falls to the ground, it'll sprout another pervert!
Kag: Not that one.
Kag: That one there is seriously trying to fall.
Gin: He was already fallen to begin with.
Kag: Oh, is that so?
Mad: Aren't you gonna save me?!
Gin: Look, everyone's here to visit you.
Gin: Cheer up.
Gin: If you look that gloomy, they'll laugh at you.
Kag: Looks like he's reflected on his actions a little.
Kag: Oh well.
Kag: Yeah, I kinda feel better now.
Gin: Kagura!
Kag: sh**t! I got greedy and ate too much!
Gin: Y-You okay?
Gin: Wait, what?
Gin: What's with your belly?
Kag: I-I can't breathe!
Kag: My consciousness is fading...
Gin: Hey, Kagura!
Gin: Doctor! Somebody help!
Gin: Hang in there, Kagura!
Gin: Kagura!
Kag: Th-This is bad.
Kag: I managed to distract him from my belly,
Kag: but now I'm in critical condition instead!
Kag: I never intended to take it this far. What do I do?
Hospital ,Sign: Oedo Hospital
Kag: What do I do?!
Shin: Gin-san, how's Kagura-chan?
Shin: K-Kagura-chan...
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Tae: How...
Tae: How did it come to this?
Gin: It's all my fault!
Gin: If only I'd realized it sooner...
Gin: Damn it...
Gin: Damn it...
Gin: Damn it all!
Kag: Oh my God.
Kag: Th-The mood in here has taken a seriously bad turn!
Kag: It totally feels like this is my deathbed!
Kag: I can't tell them. Not after all this.
Kag: I'd rather die than tell them it was just a summer cold!
Kag: This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I never intended to take it this far!
Kag: How did it come to this?
Kag: At this rate, the mood is gonna keep getting worse.
Kag: It's gonna get harder and harder to tell the truth!
Kag: I-I need to tell them now.
Kag: B-But no matter what excuse I make now,
Kag: it's obvious that they'll beat me into a coma.
Kag: I should wait for the right moment
Kag: and make it look like my condition's getting better!
Kag: H-Hey, Doctor!
Kag: Do something!
DBJ: Her heart rate and pulse are both perfectly stable.
DBJ: How could she be in a coma?
DBJ: This is a Yato disease, huh?
DBJ: There's nothing we can do with our medical science.
Kag: Uh, no, I'm just feigning illness here.
Kag: Just inject some medicine or give me a suppository, and I'll pretend to get better!
DBJ: Forgive me.
DBJ: Please stay by her side and continue to encourage her.
Kag: Aren't you a doctor?!
Kag: Do something! Anything!
Shin: Kagura-chan, hang in there!
Shin: Open your eyes!
Kag: They're wide open!
Kag: My eyeballs are dry as a desert! Let me rest them already!
Shin: Please come back to us, Kagura-chan!
Kag: I'm ready to come back at any time, so just give me a chance to!
Tae: Kagura-chan!
Kag: Oh, I know!
Kag: I can pretend I woke up thanks to them calling out to me!
Tae: Kagura-chan!
Shin: Kagura-chan!
Kag: One more!
Gin: Kagura—
Oto: Stop it.
Oto: She's fought long enough.
Oto: Let her rest in peace.
Kag: Why'd you have to say that, you old hag?!
Kag: I could've woken up with one more call!
Shin: Otose-san...
Oto: Don't look so pathetic.
Oto: Can't you at least
Oto: send her off
Oto: with a smile
Oto: in the end?
Kag: Don't give up on me so easily!
Kag: I can still go on!
Kag: I'm perfectly fine!
Tama: I can tell you're all suffering.
Tama: But instead of spending her final moments in sorrow,
Tama: we should be ourselves.
Tama: Wouldn't that make Kagura-sama happier?
Kag: No. You're saying all the right things, but you're still giving up too quickly.
Cat: Tama's right.
Cat: Now, more than ever,
Cat: we must show her the everyday routine she loved so much.
Cat: Sakata-san,
Cat: cough up last month's rent.
Kag: Who cares about that?!
Kag: Now's not the time for that, is it?!
Gin: It's all my fault.
Gin: If only I hadn't gone to pachinko!
Kag: It really is your fault.
Kag: This is too serious! Were your rent-collecting scenes always this serious?!
Oto: I see.
Oto: Then, out of respect for Kagura,
Oto: I'll write it off as funeral fees.
Gin: Thanks.
Gin: I'd better be grateful to Kagura.
Oto: Not Kagura's.
Oto: Your funeral.
Gin: Touché.
Kag: That's not funny. There's a limit to dark humor!
Kag: And you, don't laugh your ass off! Want me to k*ll you?!
Kag: They've completely given up.
Kag: I'll never find a lifeboat here.
Kag: Somebody help!
Kag: Isn't there anyone who believes I won't die, someone who'll encourage me?!
Kyu: Isn't it too early to give up?
Kyu: Aren't you Kagura-chan's friends?
Kyu: If you give up on her this easily,
Kyu: what will become of her?
Kag: You guys!
Kag: You came to encourage me because I was sick?
Tsu: Don't give up hope just yet.
Spirit,Sign: For the spirit of the deceased
Tsu: I borrowed funeral offerings from everyone in advance.
Tsu: Use this to hold a funeral.
Kag: You were talking about the funeral?!
Spirit ,Sign: For the spirit of the deceased
Kag: I'm not even dead, and I'm already getting funeral offerings.
Kag: What, do people think I'm dead already?
Tae: You guys...
Tsu: I collected these from Yoshiwara, the Yagyu clan, and various other places.
Tsu: Use it.
Sac: That's Yoshiwara's most useful woman for you.
Kag: She's looking out for so many people that she's forgotten all about me!
Oto: Thank you so much.
Oto: I'm sure Kagura's smiling from up in heaven.
Kag: Seriously, I'm not dead yet!
Sac: Don't be so distant.
Sac: We need to support one another in these trying times.
Sac: So cheer up, everyone.
Kag: I'm the one who needs cheering up!
Kyu: Sarutobi, where's your funeral offering?
Gin: Th-Thank you!
Gin: I'll repay you by doubling it in pachinko!
Kag: You're gonna use the money on pachinko?!
Kag: So you don't intend to hold a funeral at all?!
Oto: In that case, consider rent as my offering.
Shin: Gin-san, my wages for this month, too.
Kag: Hey! What are you talking about?!
Gin: F-Forgive me, Kagura.
Gin: You'll be fine with a can of fruit drops as your grave, right?
Kag: Don't think you can get away with anything if you punch the wall and act the part!
Kyu: Gintoki, are you planning on embezzling our funeral offerings?
Kyu: Unacceptable. We're doing this for Kagura-chan's funeral.
Gin: I appreciate the thought,
Gin: but her will said to put her ashes in a can of fruit drops
Gin: and scatter them in a parking lot.
Tsu: You're the one who needs his ashes scattered!
Tsu: Kagura's spirit wouldn't pass on that way.
Tsu: She must be given a proper send-off.
Sac: That's right.
Sac: It'll be held alongside my wedding with Gin-san, so let's make it a big ceremony.
Tae: Good idea.
Tae: And then you two morons will also have your ashes scattered in a parking lot.
Tae: Wonderful.
Cat: And while we're at it,
Cat: let's hold a funeral for a certain hag, as well.
Oto: Funeral for who?!
Sac: If we set off for a new world in a group of three, Kagura-chan won't be lonely.
Tsu: You've got a point.
Kag: Uh, they're kinda getting engrossed in funeral chat.
Kag: Everything's proceeding under the premise that I'm dead.
Kag: This is bad news.
Kag: I might get thrown into a coffin at this rate.
Kag: I'd better do something.
Oki: Give it a rest.
Sign: Preview
Kag: This is bad.
Kag: I ran out of time while looking for a chance to revive.
Keep Your Farewells Short
Kag: The next episode will be "Keep Your Farewells Short" or something.
Sign: Preview
Kag: What do I do?!
text r: No matter what the occasion,
text l: don't talk for too long.
text r: It puts a damper on the proceedings
text l: and makes legs go numb.