07x01 - You can never Pause at the Perfect Time

[bunniefuu]

Sign: Begins Shortly

Sign: Mr. Sakata Gintoki's Public Apology

Kag: We're here live at the press conference where Mr. Sakata Gintoki

Kag: is about to issue a public apology for the return of the Gintama anime.

Kag: We seem to be running a little late.

Sign: Please watch this press conference in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.

Kag: He doesn't seem to be here yet...

Kag: Oh, there he is!

Sign: Caution: Cameras flashing

Gin: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to be here today.

Sign: Caution: Cameras flashing

Gin: In light of the Gintama anime's recent failures,

Gin: I, Sakata Gintoki, the protagonist,

Gin: am here to represent all the producers and staff of the show

Gin: in publicly apologizing at this press conference.

Gin: First of all, for not ending with the final chapter...

Gin: We're very sorry!

Sign: Caution: Cameras flashing

Shin: Mind if I ask some questions?

Gin: Go ahead.

Shin: Firstly, could you tell us a bit about how this happened?

Sign: Caution: Cameras flashing

Shin: It's too early to be crying!

Shin: You haven't said anything yet!

Gin: I was in disbelief that the movie made . billion yen at the box office!

Gin: I had no words to express how thankful I was to all our viewers!

Gin: But then those money mongers in suits started coming for us again,

Gin: and before I knew it, we went from Sunrise to something else entirely!

Gin: What's more, the producer couldn't abandon his womanizing ways!

Gin: But the thing is...

Gin: You people don't understand anything!

Gin: What could you possibly know about the producer?!

Shin: I have no idea what you're talking about!

Gin: As such, there's something I need to tell you all today,

Gin: and here's what it is...

Gin: There. We apologized.

Gin: Gintama will be resuming now, then.

Shin: Screw you!

Gin: Psycho-Pass!

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Oto: I'm only gonna say this once, stupid curly!

Oto: You'll cough up this and last month's rent,

Oto: and you'll do it right now, even if you have to sell your kidneys!

Gin: Uh, Gran?

Gin: Look...

Gin: I get it.

Gin: I see the wrinkles on your forehead, and your quiet intensity.

Gin: You'll get your rent and kidneys next month, okay?

Gin: Gran? Hello?

Gin: You listening to me?

Gin: Knock it off, you old hag!

Gin: You're being annoying!

Gin: How long are you gonna keep that filthy expression up?!

Gin: Spare a thought for our viewers at home!

Gin: They can't handle your mug for more than three second—

: Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose

Gin: Uh, this is...

Gin: Pachi-boy!

Gin: Kagura!

Both: Gin-san... Gin-chan...

Kag: I knew it.

Shin: Everything's

Shin: stopped moving.

Kag: People, animals, objects, all of it.

Gin: So, you're saying...

Gin: It's all frozen?

Sugar,: Sugar Content

Gin: Not just people or objects,

Gin: but time itself?

Title: You Can Never Pause at the Perfect Time

Gin: Sure is quiet.

Gin: It's almost as if we're the only people in the entire world.

Gin: But now is the time to stay calm.

Gin: Let's analyze this situation with cool heads.

Gin: Basically, what this means is...

Gin: We don't have to pay rent anymore.

Shin: This is not the time for that crap!

Gin: It also means your paydays will never come again.

Kag: Screw you! That's illegal!

Kag: Time hasn't stopped for us!

Gin: Maybe it hasn't,

Gin: but our water and gas supply sure has.

Shin: That was your fault, not time's!

Shin: Also, who cares about that right now?

Shin: Time has been frozen in its tracks!

Shin: We're the only ones not affected by it!

Shin: And the anime only just resumed, too!

Shin: How did things end up like this?!

Gin: I'm not sure what's going on,

Gin: but just when I thought I'd gotten my hands on an unusual clock,

Gin: it immediately became useless.

Shin: Huh? Why are you worried about that?

Kag: Gin-chan, what is that?

Gin: Isn't it weird?

Gin: I'm pretty sure it's a clock.

Gin: I thought I could sell it for a nice profit.

Shin: Where did you get that?

Gin: I was wasted, so my memory's a bit hazy,

Gin: but on my way home after drinking last night...

Gin: I found it lying in the street.

Shin: There's something way more crazy lying next to it!

Gin: Come to think of it, I saw a drunkard on the ground with his face all flushed, too.

Shin: He wasn't drunk!

Shin: He was bleeding!

A: P-Please...

A: Take care of that for us...

A: Protect the Universal Clock in our stead.

A: It's an ancient clock from the age of the gods that has controlled time

A: on billions of worlds since the birth of the universe.

A: We, the Watchmen of Time, have guarded it for generations,

A: but we're incapable of doing so anymore.

A: If that clock were to fall into the hands of humans,

A: the universe's flow of time would be disrupted.

A: It would surely cause a massive disaster!

A: I beg of you!

A: Seal the clock where no human can ever find—

Shin: He's not even listening to the most important bit!

Shin: Don't! Giving him the clock is a really bad idea!

Sign: Odd Jobs Gin-chan

Gin: Ugh, I feel sick.

Gin: My head hurts...

Gin: I can't sleep...

Gin: Morning already...

Gin: I haven't gotten a wink of sleep...

Gin: Shut up! I've been up for ages already!

Shin: It's all your damn fault!

Shin: What is wrong with you?!

Shin: How could you mistake such a valuable object for an alarm clock and destroy it?!

Kag: So what are you telling me, moron?

Kag: That the guys protecting this clock got into an accident,

Kag: so it ended up in the hands of an idiot, leading to this situation?

Shin: Yeah. It sounds unbelievable,

Shin: but that clock's the embodiment of the universe's flow of time.

Shin: The reason we're the only ones unaffected...

Gin: Shut up! I've been up for ages already!

Shin: ...is probably because we were nearby when it got destroyed.

Shin: Maybe it doesn't affect time in the direct vicinity of its user.

Shin: Either way, we have to fix this clock,

Shin: or the world's time will stay frozen,

Shin: and the three of us will be left stranded in a different plane of time for eternity!

Shin: What do we do?!

Shin: We can't even ask for help! Everyone else is frozen in place!

Shin: There's nothing we can do!

Shin: Our world is done for! And so are we!

Shin: We're finished in the very first episode!

Gin: Pachi-boy, nothing will come of being pessimistic when your back is to the wall.

Gin: A samurai must think positively at all times.

Gin: If he does, he is sure to find a golden opportunity.

Shin: That's rich, coming from the samurai who destroyed the world!

Gin: Sure, the world might stay frozen in place forever if we don't do something,

Gin: but look at it from another perspective!

Gin: You've gained the privilege of fondling Otsu-chan's boobs forever!

Gin: What kind of golden opportunity is that?!

Gin: You can be pessimistic after you've f*ndled her for about , years.

Gin: The idea that that's all I can do for , years

Gin: makes me nothing but pessimistic!

Gin: Her boobs would fall off!

Gin: Besides, do you really think I'd take advantage of this situation

Gin: to do something that disgusting?

Gin: I'll keep it to three hours.

Gin: All right!

Gin: Then I'll go after Ketsuno Ana's a—

: Bank of Edo

Kag: Now that I'm a Watchman of Time, don't think I'll let you scum do as you please.

Kag: Stop fooling around and start robbing that totally unguarded bank.

Gin: W-Wait, Kagura.

Gin: Do you really think I came here for no reason?

Sign: Doll House

Sign: Doll House

Kag: Old man Gengai's place?

Kag: Are you stupid?

Kag: Yeah, normally he'd be able to repair anything.

Kag: But look at that stupid face, with his finger frozen up his nose.

Kag: What could he possibly do?

Gin: That's right.

Gin: No matter what we try, it'll all be futile unless time starts flowing again.

Gin: In that case, we just need to make it flow ourselves.

Gin: This clock can't function automatically right now,

Gin: but we can manually move its hands with our fingers.

Gin: In other words...

Gin: We can't get time to flow actively again,

Gin: but we can force it along

Gin: and jump to a certain point in the future.

Gin: And then we...

Kag: I get it, Gin-chan!

Kag: We leave this booger geezer the clock, along with a note or something.

Sign: Please fix this clock. -Odd Jobs

Shin: And then, if we move the clock's hands forward...

Kag: We'll reach a future where he's fixed the clock!

Kag: The world will be back to normal!

Kag: You're amazing, Gin-chan!

Kag: I never even imagined we could use it like a time machine!

Gin: That's right.

Gin: While time's still frozen,

Sign: Marriage Registration Form Sakata Gintoki Ketsuno Christel

Gin: I just need to get the paperwork done.

Sign: Today's Weather

Ch: Good morning, everyone!

Ch: Let's get right to today's—

Sign: Today's Husband

Gin: A future where I get to dock with Ketsuno Ana's ketsunoana (assh*le) awaits!

Gin: All right. You can turn the clock now.

Shin: You were talking about Ketsuno Ana?!

Shin: Knock it off already!

Shin: Don't go around forging documents!

Shin: What happened to fixing the clock?!

Gin: Huh? We can?

Shin: With the same method you were plotting evil with!

Shin: Why don't you use that scheming brain of yours for society's betterment?!

Kag: Shinpachi, what's that paper in your hand?

Sign: Boob Fondling Coupons Fondle Fondle Fondle Fondle

Kag: What the hell are boob fondling coupons?

Kag: Forget it.

Kag: I know better than to rely on you scumbags.

Kag: I'll do it myself.

Sign: Please fix this clock. -Kagura

Kag: All that's left is to move the hands forward.

Kag: The geezer will take care of the rest.

Kag: Now that I look closer, there are a bunch of clocks on this thing.

Kag: Which hand should I move?

Gin: How is anybody supposed to know?

Shin: Could it have clocks that go by units of days or years?

Shin: We'd better be careful.

Kag: We have no choice but to move it just a little bit and see what happens.

Kag: Huh? This is pretty stiff!

Kag: Well? Did anything change?

Gin: Guess nothing will happen while he's still picking his nose.

Gin: Try moving it further forward.

Both: That's too far!

Shin: What are you doing, Kagura-chan?!

Shin: You tried too hard!

Shin: We went past Gengai-san's lifespan!

Kag: It's your fault for rushing me.

Kag: And this clock uses some weird mechanism based on five-minute units.

Kag: I can't tell how far to move it.

Gin: Maybe you moved the one that goes by years and sent us far into the future.

Shin: What are we gonna do?

Shin: Gengai-san died!

Shin: Who'll fix the clock now?

Gin: Settle down. There's still a way.

Gin: If we can manually move the hands of the clock forward,

Gin: we should be able to turn them back, too.

Kag: You're right!

Kag: It looks like we can go back to the point where the clock broke.

Shin: That's a relief.

Shin: So we can get back to square one, huh?

Gin: This time, let's put the clock where the geezer's more likely to see it,

Gin: and carefully move time forward.

Kag: That should do it.

Kag: Here we go.

Shin: Uh, excuse me...

Shin: Now it's not moving far enough.

Shin: He keeps ignoring the clock and picking his nose.

Shin: Are we really sure that time's passing here?

Gin: It is.

Gin: It's hard to notice, but he's chasing the booger further in.

Shin: How many years is it gonna take for anything to change, then?!

Kag: I feel like I've moved the hands far enough for a few days to have passed.

Shin: Just how long is he gonna keep picking his nose?!

Gin: Hey! He's going really deep!

Gin: Shouldn't we stop him?

Gin: Maybe call an ambulance?

Shin: How can you tell?

Shin: I don't see any changes from when we started!

Kag: We've gotta endure!

Kag: He'll get bored of picking his nose eventually, and then he'll notice the clock!

Shin: Look, I don't think any time has passed at all.

Shin: Move the hands to a point with some noticeable change.

Both: That's too drastic a change!

Shin: What the hell happened?!

Shin: What the hell happened in between cuts?!

Shin: He was picking his nose right here just a moment ago!

Shin: Why is he picking his nose in a portrait now?!

Gin: That's why I asked if we should call an ambulance.

Gin: Anybody could've seen this coming.

Shin: Who could see that coming?!

Shin: Where in the world are you gonna find someone who chases a booger to his death?!

Kag: Before worrying about the clock, we gotta focus on preventing the geezer's death.

Kag: Let's go in smaller increments until we get to the moment before his death.

Kag: Here goes.

Shin: Huh? Gengai-san's gone.

Gin: Nah, he's over here.

Gen: I did it!

Gen: I finally did it!

Shin: Is that...

Shin: Does this mean...

Shin: He finished repairing the clock right before his death?

Shin: Did we just fail to notice that he was working on it?

Shin: Why is the world not back to normal, then?

Gin: That's probably because of the way he died.

Gin: Look at that.

Shin: A t-truck!

Gin: I think the geezer jumped out into the street to celebrate finishing the repairs,

Gin: got hit by that truck, and died.

Gin: At the same time, the clock must've been destroyed again.

Shin: So if we save Gengai-san here, we can get our hands on the repaired clock!

Kag: Yay! Now we can—

Shin: It's just a booger!

Shin: No wonder he was picking his nose for that long!

Shin: Just how big a gold nugget was he digging for?!

Kag: Anyway, we've saved his life. The booger's been dealt with, too.

Kag: He should be able to focus on repairing the clock now.

Kag: Let's try moving a little into the future.

W : Poor thing.

W : Apparently something hit the truck's windshield,

W : causing it to crash into the pole.

Both: Hasegawa-san was driving that truck!

Shin: Oh my God!

Shin: Just when we thought we'd saved Gengai-san,

Shin: now Hasegawa-san's dead instead!

Kag: It's your fault for throwing the booger at the truck!

Shin: Complain to the man who gave birth to that monster!

Gin: Calm down. We've got this.

Gin: We just need to turn back time and get that booger again.

Gin: Throwing it into the trash should do the trick.

Gin: Okay, things should definitely work out this time.

W : Poor thing.

W : Apparently he was sleeping under the pole when something suddenly

W : hit his face and caused him to suffocate to death.

Both: He was in the box?!

Shin: Damn, this is too much!

Shin: He has unbelievably bad luck!

Kag: Half-assed resistance won't be enough to shake off his cursed fate!

Gin: Forget it. Let's carry him to a place far away from the geezer and his booger.

All: One, two...

All: Heave, ho! Heave, ho! Heave, ho!

Gin: He's gotta be fine here.

Gin: He's definitely gonna be fine here.

W : Apparently he died a natural death.

Both: What do you mean, natural death?!

Shin: There's nothing we can do to stop a natural death!

Shin: There's no way to save him!

Shin: What the hell's going on?

Shin: As much as we try to save him, death keeps sucking him back in!

Gin: So if we save one, the other will die?

Gin: Damn it. There's gotta be a way.

Gin: There's gotta be a way to save everyone.

Internal,Gin: I know it...

Internal,Gin: I'm sure of it!

Pic: Special Beam Attack!

Shin: How did the future come to this?!

Tsuzuku,Sign: To Be Continued

Sign: Next Episode: Even a Matsui Stick Can't Handle Some Kinds of Dirt

Gin: Next Episode: "Even a Matsui Stick Can't Handle Some Kinds of Dirt."