05x22 - The Man's Household Situation Is Hard, His Heart Is Soft

[bunniefuu]

Matsu: Nakasaki, I heard you just had a kid.

Nakazaki: Uh, where did you hear that?

Matsu: Is it male or female?

Nakazaki: It's a girl.

Matsu: Maybe I should take her.

Nakazaki: P-Please don't...

Matsu: Girls become independent earlier than boys.

Matsu: It won't be long before she stops listening to you.

Nakazaki: Th-That won't happen with Fuko!

Nakazaki: I will raise her to be the biggest father lover in Japan!

Matsu: Yeah, that's the spirit.

Nakazaki: Th-This is...

Nakazaki: I-I can't accept this much money!

Matsu: It's not for you.

Matsu: I only spend money on fine women.

Matsu: Let her drink the finest milk you can find.

Nakazaki: Th-Thank you very much!

The Man's Household Situation is Hard, His Heart is Soft

Kuriko: How many times have I told you?!

Kuriko: Wash my underwear separately from Father's!

Zura: Forgive me, ma'am.

Kuriko: I'm going to wash them again myself!

Kuriko: Geez!

Zura: Oh, sir.

Zura: I'm terribly sorry.

Zura: I'll wash that again at once.

Matsu: Hm? Are you the new maid?

Matsu: What's your name?

On Screen,Caption: Ichihara

Matsu: Ichihara?

Matsu: What's your first name?

Matsu: Hayato? Etsuko?

Zura: It's not Etsuko, it's Ezurako.

Matsu: Your face looks familiar...

Zura: It's not Zura, it's Ezurako.

Matsu: Forget it.

Matsu: Be careful from now on.

Matsu: Do my laundry separate from Kuriko's.

Matsu: And make sure we don't eat at the same time.

Zura: It's not Zura, it's Ezurako.

Matsu: Yeah, just listen to my daughter. Got it,

Matsu: Ezurako?

Zura: It's not Ezurako, it's Katsura.

Matsu: What?

Zura: Oh, I made a mistake. It's Ezurako.

Matsu: Whatever. Just go.

Matsu: Oof.

Zura: The police commissioner, Katakuriko Matsudaira.

Zura: The man who is known as the Destroyer

to those who wish to disrupt the order of Edo.

Zura: The greatest foe of the Joi patriots.

Zura: In an attempt to uncover a scandal,

Zura: I've been working undercover at his home for a week.

Zura: My focus has shifted away from my inability to learn anything useful

Zura: to this peculiar loneliness I see.

Zura: Is this what it means to be a father?

Zura: If so, what is a father? What is a man?

Zura: Who does he fight for? Who is he trying to protect?

Kuriko: Um...

Kuriko: What are you doing, Ezurako-san?

Zura: I'm terribly sorry.

Zura: After working as a maid for so long,

I've picked up this habit of eavesdropping.

Kuriko: You also picked up the door.

Zura: Please let me know if I'm being a bother.

Zura: I also have a graffiti version and a mental AT Field version.

Kuriko: Please get rid of it.

Kuriko: You're making too much noise.

Kuriko: Um...

Kuriko: Sorry about yelling at you earlier.

Zura: It's okay. I didn't mind.

Kuriko: I said to get rid of that.

Kuriko: Did you think you could fool me?

Kuriko: Um, to make up for earlier,

Kuriko: some of my friends booked

Greater Edo Hills tomorrow for my birthday party.

Kuriko: Would you like to come?

Zura: Thank you very much.

Zura: Oh, will your father also be coming?

Kuriko: I would never invite him!

Kuriko: Besides, he wouldn't come if I did.

Kuriko: His birthday is very soon.

Kuriko: I'm sure he'll celebrate it

at the usual place with all those women.

Kuriko: It's always the same.

Kuriko: He uses his work as an excuse to avoid facing his family.

Kuriko: I refuse to call that coward my father.

Katsura: I wonder why...

Katsura: I am starting to feel concern for my greatest foe.

Katsura: Is it because Matsudaira's daughter was a nicer girl than I expected?

Katsura: Or because I didn't want to think that I've been

Katsura: crossing swords with a man who can't control his own family.

Katsura: Sir?

Katsura: Miss Kuriko's birthday party is tomorrow.

Katsura: You shouldn't be sleeping out here.

Matsu: Man, I'm gonna hurl...

Katsura: Miss Kuriko wanted you to come.

Matsu: You're going to Kuriko's birthday party, right?

Matsu: Give that to her.

Matsu: It'll make her happier that way.

Katsura: Are you trying to teach her how men

are foolish, weak, and underhanded?

Katsura: Is that your duty as a father?

Nakazaki: Ezurako-san, that's enough!

Nakazaki: And why are you walking around with that board?!

Matsu: It's fine, Nakasaki.

Matsu: I like a maid who's willing to speak her mind.

Matsu: But I'm not much of a father.

Matsu: Young people think that men grow wiser as

they get older, but it's not true.

Matsu: I'm just as stupid as I always was.

Matsu: Still the same old shy kid who can't bring myself to look

Matsu: my precious daughter in the face, or even talk to her.

Matsu: I'll leave this with you.

Zura: I was becoming more confused.

Zura: The man spoke openly of his own foolishness.

Zura: Was he a big shot, or just an idiot?

Matsu: F-Forgive me, dear!

Zura: Crafty or innocent?

Zura: And I was most confused by my own behavior.

A: Um, excuse me.

A: You're supposed to be dressed formally for this affair.

Zura: And that is what I did.

A: Um, only the left side is dressed formally.

A: And that's just a drawing.

Zura: Ah, you have a problem with me wearing a tuxedo?

Zura: Don't worry. I also brought a dress.

A: Um...

A: We're not supposed to let anyone suspicious in.

Zura: What about me would be considered suspicious?!

A: Everything.

Zura: How dare you insult me?!

Zura: Are celebrities so special?!

Zura: Your birthday party's probably nothing more than an **gy!

A: How can you say such a hateful thing?!

Zura: A sinful gathering where you wear masks

Zura: and put things on your sticks,and shove them into...

A: That's just a cheese fondue!

Zura: Don't say that so loudly here.

Zura: Have you no shame?!

A: You're the one who's having naughty thoughts

about a cheese fondue!

Nakazaki: Oh, sorry.

Nakazaki: She's with me.

Katsura: Ah, Nakasaki-san.

Nakazaki: I'm here in place of the commissioner.

Zura: I see...

Zura: So he isn't coming.

Kuriko: Ah! Ezurako-san! Nakasaki-san!

Kuriko: You came to the party!

Kuriko: I'm so happy!

Kuriko: Now come inside!

Nakazaki: What is this?!

Nakazaki: What's happening?!

Nakazaki: Did the system malfunction?!

Zura: No...

Zura: It's a t*rror1st attack.

On Screen,Caption: Incoming Call from Kuriko

Matsu: Hello?

Leader: Is this Katakuriko Matsudaira?

Leader: Your daughter's life is in our hands.

Leader: The Blues Crew has taken control of Greater Edo Hills.

Leader: If you value your daughter's life,

you'll listen to our demands.

Leader: Hey, can you hear me?

A: Is somebody in there?

A: That's weird. It sure stinks.

Matsu: Can't you let a man take a dump in peace?

Nakazaki: What?

Zura: That's...

Nakazaki: Th-The commissioner!

Zura: So he did come.

Nakazaki: What are you doing up there?!

Matsu: I appreciate it, Ezurako.

Matsu: Thanks to you, I won't be late.

Nakazaki: Wh-Where are you going, Commissioner?!

Zura: That was no longer the frail back

of an old man washing underwear.

Zura: That was the stalwart back of the Destroyer we feared.

Yamazaki: The hostages include the children of

various Bakufu officials along with Kuriko-chan.

Yamazaki: The Blues Crew must have learned about

this party and planned the attack.

Hijikata: I remember that some of their members were arrested

Hijikata: for plotting to assassinate the boss.

Yamazaki: They're demanding that those members be released.

Yamazaki: And they also want the boss's head.

Yamazaki: If we don't agree to their demands,

Yamazaki: they'll start k*lling a hostage every thirty minutes.

Hijikata: I'll go negotiate and try to buy us some time.

Hijikata: You guys need to find a way inside.

All: Yes, sir!

Hijikata: And Yamazaki,

Hijikata: did you get a hold of the boss?

Yamazaki: His phone's been busy the whole time.

Hijikata: Damn that old fart.

Hijikata: What's he doing?

Matsu: Hello? Ane-chan?

Matsu: Sorry.

Matsu: I won't be able to join you tonight.

Matsu: Right now? I'm in a duct.

Matsu: No, I didn't change careers.

Matsu: I'm devoted to you, Ane-chan.

Matsu: Oh, sorry. I got another call.

Matsu: My men are so annoying.

Matsu: Buh-bye.

Nakazaki: Ah, he finally answered the phone!

Nakazaki: Are you okay, Commissioner?!

Matsu: How many times did you call me, you fool?!

Matsu: Don't call my phone when I'm in t*rror1st territory.

Matsu: You're terrorizing my conversation with Ane-chan!

Nakazaki: You have no right to talk when you're

Nakazaki: calling female escorts while sneaking up on t*rrorists!

Matsu: I was just settling matters so the women left behind

in this cruel world don't grieve.

Matsu: When a man dies, everyone should be wearing pure white.

Matsu: I have fifty more girls to call, so hold on.

Nakazaki: It's too late to clean up your act!

Nakazaki: Your soul is completely black!

Nakazaki: Anyway, Hijikata-san and the other men will be entering the building soon.

Nakazaki: Don't do anything hasty.

Zura: No, we can't wait for them.

Nakazaki: Ezurako-san?

Zura: They've taken over the security system.

Zura: It won't be easy to approach the building.

Nakazaki: Huh? Then we shouldn't be here.

Zura: I put something in this car to jam their radar.

Zura: And I did the same thing to Matsudaira's present.

Nakazaki: You're...

Zura: I happen to be acquainted with Edo's top tinkerer.

Zura: In three hours, they'll begin executing hostages.

Matsu: In other words, I need to end their lives before they end mine.

Zura: Exactly.

Nakazaki: Ezurako-san!

Zura: But you won't be able to do it

by recklessly wandering around alone.

Zura: I'll assist you.

Matsu: I knew something was fishy.

Matsu: You're no ordinary maid.

Zura: I'm just an ordinary maid

Zura: who enjoys eavesdropping.

Leader: How are negotiations going?

A: It'll take a day to secure the release of our brethren.

Leader: They're obviously trying to buy time.

Leader: Tell them this.

Leader: We aren't giving them any more time.

A: Yes, sir.

Leader: And one more thing.

Leader: Tell them that Matsudaira's life is already ours,

Leader: though, technically, we still have to go

through the formality of taking it from him.

Leader: I didn't expect him to sneak in by himself to save his daughter.

Kuriko: H-He won't come!

Kuriko: He would never try to save me...

Leader: Don't make a fuss. You'll be seeing him real soon.

Leader: We'll have him tied up with a red ribbon.

Zura: Listen up. They're holed up in the

main control room on the top floor.

Zura: You're on the th floor.

Zura: Every floor from the th up is packed with guards.

Matsu: I see. So this marker on the th floor is me.

Matsu: Wait a moment!

Matsu: Why did you use this symbol for me?!

Zura: Don't get the wrong idea.

Zura: That's the tip of an ice cream cone.

Zura: And the three markers on the th floor are enemies.

Matsu: Why do they get cones when I don't?

Zura: Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to tell friend from foe.

Matsu: Give me a cone!

Matsu: I love to suck the last bit of ice cream out of the end of a cone.

Katsura: Fine, I'll put corn in your poop.

Matsu: I said cone, not corn!

Matsu: And you said poop. You just admitted that it's poop.

Nakazaki: Uh, does it really matter?!

Zura: In any case, you need to avoid those

Zura: ice cream cones as you make your way to the th floor.

Zura: Look carefully.

Zura: The tip of the ice cream is tipping left and right, yes?

Zura: The tip indicates the direction they're facing.

Zura: When the three tips are tipping in the same direction,

Zura: you should tip past them.

Nakazaki: That's too complicated!

Nakazaki: Why do you have to use the word tip so much?!

Nakazaki: Ah, hold on...

Nakazaki: There's an ice cream cone coming down!

Zura: What?! It's tipping like crazy!

Zura: Is it in a hurry?

Nakazaki: th floor... He didn't get off!

Nakazaki: Has he noticed that the commissioner's on the th floor?

Zura: Hide quick!

Nakazaki: Oh, no!

Nakazaki: Huh?!

Nakazaki: W-Wait!

Nakazaki: The ice cream cone split in two!

Zura: What's going on up there?

Matsu: A guy ran off somewhere.

Nakazaki: But the ice cream's still in the elevator!

Nakazaki: He just pooped his pants!

Zura: Apparently, both people and poop

are registered under the ice cream marker.

Nakazaki: Why is poop even registered on your scanner?!

Matsu: And why am I not registered as a human?!

Zura: He took the elevator down to find a bathroom,

Zura: but he couldn't hold it in and had to sparking!

Zura: Look.

Zura: The cone is becoming wet.

Zura: Is he wiping his ass?

Matsu: No, he's probably crying.

Zura: Wait, I thought that there were only enemies above you, but...

Nakazaki: It's mostly poop up there!

Zura: I can no longer tell which are human and which are poop.

Matsu: When I blew up that bathroom,I probably burst the water main.

Matsu: They can no longer take care of their business.

Nakazaki: Still, this is too many!

Zura: However, we can use this situation to our advantage.

Zura: Look!

Nakazaki: Th-This is...

Zura: They're all running down in search of clean restrooms!

Nakazaki: They really need to take a shit!

Zura: They're using the stairs.

Zura: This is your chance to take the elevator up!

Nakazaki: Hold on!

Nakazaki: The wet cone is racing to the elevator at a crazy speed!

Nakazaki: Did he notice the commissioner?

Zura: No, now that he's calmed down,

Zura: he's returning for his underwear so he can destroy the evidence.

Zura: Hurry, Matsudaira!

Zura: He made it in time.

Zura: Th-That's...!

Zura: He's hanging on to the bottom of the elevator!

Zura: He is dedicated to his underwear!

Zura: He really doesn't want anyone to find out!

Nakazaki: Commissioner! The cone is below you!

Nakazaki: And which one is the commissioner?!

Zura: Ah! The cone is using the pointy edge to try to break through!

Nakazaki: Uh, what pointy edge?

Nakazaki: That's just a marker!

Zura: What?!

Zura: He penetrated the poop!

Nakazaki: Wait, is that the commissioner?!

Nakazaki: Or is it the poop?!

Nakazaki: Which is it?!

Zura: He's trying to drag Matsudaira off!

Zura: Oh! Saved at the last second!

Nakazaki: How?!

Nakazaki: How can poop save him?!

Zura: Is that actually Matsudaira?

Zura: Ah! The cone con finally cornered himself and fell!

Nakazaki: Why was he trying so hard to protect a pair of dirty underwear?!

Zura: This is bad.

Zura: The Ice Cream g*ng has noticed that something is wrong!

Zura: When he makes it to the top, he'll be gunned down!

Nakazaki: They split up! What the hell?!

Nakazaki: How the hell are two turds moving around independently?!

Zura: It's going to draw their attention

so Matsudaira can make it to the top!

Nakazaki: It's just a pair of underwear with poop on it!

Nakazaki: How did it turn into the commissioner's partner?!

Nakazaki: Look!

Nakazaki: The Ice Cream g*ng is ignoring the

underwear and gathering on the th floor!

Nakazaki: No shit, Sherlock!

Nakazaki: He's completely trapped!

Hijikata: What?!

Zura: The ice cream cones are disappearing.

Nakazaki: This poop was actually the diversion...?

Matsu: Happy birthday to you.

Nakazaki: He really took out all of the t*rrorists by himself...

Zura: No, there's one cone left.

Matsu: Sorry about that.

Matsu: Your precious underwear and squad are all gone.

Leader: No, I should thank you.

Leader: No one will know now.

Leader: You're placing your duty as a cop over your duty as a father?!

Matsu: Well, you can't call yourself a father

Matsu: if you don't mind your daughter being used as a shield.

Matsu: But you can't even call yourself a man if you let

Matsu: someone who hurt your daughter walk away unscathed.

Matsu: A father's duty isn't much to speak of.

Matsu: Kids are raised fine by their mothers.

Matsu: As long as I'm bringing in money, I have no other use.

Matsu: All that's left is to praise her when she does something good,

Matsu: and scold her when she does something bad.

Matsu: That's about it.

Matsu: This fist represents my duty as a police commissioner

Matsu: and a lousy Edo dad.

Leader: That's...!

Leader: My...

Leader: My underwear is still around!

Matsu: The decoy was my own underwear.

Matsu: I have one thing to say to you as a father.

Matsu: Wash your own

Matsu: shitty underwear!

Zura: What a waste.

Zura: This was your chance to score some points with her.

Zura: She won't remember a thing.

Matsu: I'm fine with playing the role of a lousy dad

Matsu: since it's easy.

Zura: Open the box.

Zura: It's not your present.

Zura: I found it when I was cleaning your daughter's room.

Zura: She was probably going to give it to you if you showed up.

On Screen,Caption: Happy Birthday Father

Zura: Don't worry.

Zura: I left your present in its place.

Matsu: How is that supposed to make me feel better?

Matsu: A maid who goes into my daughter's room without permission

gets fired on the spot.

Matsu: Nakasaki!

Nakazaki: Yes, sir!

Matsu: Dump this rotten maid in a ditch.

Nakazaki: Understood.

Nakazaki: I'll dump the maid in a ditch where the police won't notice.

Matsu: Stop yapping and leave!

Nakazaki: Yes, sir!

Matsu: The next time we meet, you'll meet more than my fist, Katsura.

Zura: I wouldn't have it any other way.

Zura: The police commissioner, Katakuriko Matsudaira.

On Screen,Caption: Matsudaira

Zura: The greatest foe of the Joi patriots.

Maid: Stop that, sir!

Zura: It doesn't matter if he doesn't feel welcome in his own home.

Maid: I can do the laundry!

Zura: The world is his home.

Matsu: Forget it. I'll do this.

Zura: And so he goes off to work again.

Maid: Oh, Miss Kuriko.

Maid: That's a lovely hairpin.

Zura: However, I have seen on display

Zura: the bond between father and daughter as they stand back to back.

Zura: As well as the dignity of a so-called lousy father.

Zura: Katakuriko Matsudaira.

Zura: You make a fitting opponent.

On Screen,Caption: Next Episode: Blue and Red Ecstasy

Gin: Next time:

Gin: Blue and Red Ecstasy.