A: Oh! A clean hit!
A: -That's it! Keep it up!
Salary: -Stupid boss!
Salary: Take that! Take that!
Salary: Whew, I feel so much better.
Salary: Thanks, big guy.
Iwamatsu: It was nothing.
Iwamatsu: If a few punches to the face can help you forget
your troubles, come on down
Iwamatsu: to see Iwamatsu, the Punching Bag.
Salary: Did you see that?
Salary: I got a wicked jab, right?
Iwamatsu: Come again!
Iwamatsu: Weak-ass punches.
Iwamatsu: You can't hurt me with those.
Iwamatsu: The Kabuki district, a town of outlaws.
Iwamatsu: My first impression was correct.
Iwamatsu: There's a sucker around every corner.
Iwamatsu: These wannabe punks and their girly punches
Iwamatsu: can't hurt me, the former pro boxer, Iwamatsu.
Iwamatsu: I'm gonna make a k*lling today.
Iwamatsu: Hey! Come on down!
Iwamatsu: You're allowed to hit me as many times as you want for one minute!
Iwamatsu: I'm known as Iwamatsu, the human punching bag!
Iwamatsu: Anyone up for blowing off some steam?
Iwamatsu: If you can knock me out, you won't have to pay,
plus you get a prize!
Kagura: Ooh, ooh! Let me try!
Iwamatsu: Hmm? What? A kid?
Iwamatsu: This will be the perfect demonstration.
Iwamatsu: You wanna give it a shot, little girl?
Iwamatsu: Okay, you shouldn't need a glove.
Iwamatsu: Hit me as hard as you can.
Kagura: Yay! Knocked him out with one punch!
People Forget to Return Stuff All the Time Without Even Realizing It
Kagura: Food for me!
Kagura: Delicious!
Iwamatsu: R-Really.
Iwamatsu: Enjoy yourself.
Iwamatsu: Ka-Kabuki's crazy!
Iwamatsu: I-I was too naive!
Iwamatsu: I-I wasn't expecting a monster like this!
Iwamatsu: And she's just a kid!
Iwamatsu: How scary are the adults in the Kabuki District?!
Iwamatsu: U-Uh, young lady...
Iwamatsu: Have you been practicing the Divine Fist of the North Star?
Iwamatsu: I was really surprised.
Iwamatsu: I didn't expect a little girl to be so strong,
though you're not as strong as I am.
Iwamatsu: S-So, are there other people in
the Kabuki District who are strong like you?
Kagura: Nope, I'm queen of the Kabuki District.
Iwamatsu: O-Of course!
Iwamatsu: You're not gonna find too many people this strong!
Kagura: Is this your first time in the Kabuki District?
Iwamatsu: Huh? Oh, yeah.
Iwamatsu: I came from the countryside to do business,
Iwamatsu: but I don't know my way around the city.
Kagura: Want me to show you around?
Kagura: I can show you some nice places in return for the meat bun.
Iwamatsu: What? Really?
Kagura: You can ask me anything about the Kabuki District.
Kagura: So basically, you're looking for a place with a bunch
Kagura: of irritated guys who will want to hit you.
Iwamatsu: Yes, and I would prefer that they not be too strong.
Iwamatsu: Well, I suppose it doesn't matter.
Iwamatsu: But if they're too strong,
Iwamatsu: it will be harder for me to control my strength
and I might end up injuring them.
Kagura: Leave it to me.
Kagura: I know the perfect place.
Otose
Iwamatsu: What's this place?
Kagura: A bar for drinking cheap booze.
Kagura: The patrons don't have much money.
Kagura: Most of them come here to bitch about their life.
Iwamatsu: I see.
Iwamatsu: There should be plenty of irritated patrons here.
Iwamatsu: The queen of the Kabuki District knows her territory.
Iwamatsu: My first customer just happened to be
this anomaly of a girl.
Iwamatsu: But I shouldn't need to be scared of a bunch of old drunks.
Otose: Don't come here if don't have any money!
Catherine: You're always drinking and never paying up!
Catherine: This isn't your home!
Otose: Crush! Crush! Crush!
Iwamatsu: M-My potential customers are already punching bags!
Kagura: Hey, Gin-chan, Madao.
Kagura: This guy sells himself as a punching bag.
Kagura: Want to blow off some steam?
Kagura: You can hit him as many times as you want.
Iwamatsu: Wait! I refuse! It's obvious that they have no money!
Madao: Punching bag?
Madao: People treat me like a punching bag every day.
Madao: People like me should die.
Iwamatsu: This guy's dangerous!
Iwamatsu: He's not irritated! He should be on su1c1de watch!
Kagura: Wake up, Gin-chan.
Kagura: This guy sells himself as a punching bag.
Gin: Punching bag?
Gin: Can I?
Gin: Don't blame me though.
Gin: He might go from punching bag to body bag.
Iwamatsu: You're scaring me!
Iwamatsu: What's wrong with this snack bar?!
Iwamatsu: Why are the customers all deranged?!
Kagura: Don't worry.
Kagura: Gin-chan and Madao can be super when they try.
Iwamatsu: No, it's impossible!
Iwamatsu: They're completely smashed! And they're broke!
Iwamatsu: Forget it! Forget it!
Iwamatsu: I'll look for customers somewhere else!
Gin: Don't make fun of me.
Gin: Everybody's obsessed with money!
Gin: So I don't have money.
Gin: I still got something that's damn valuable.
Destiny of an Emperor
Iwamatsu: It's an NES cartridge!
Gin: You fool!
Gin: Destiny of an Emperor was a brilliant RPG that
was loved by everyone important!
Gin: If you find the right buyer, it'll fetch a pretty penny.
Iwamatsu: Who cares?!
Iwamatsu: And the name Takeshi is written on there!
Takeshi
Iwamatsu: You obviously borrowed it and never returned it!
Madao: Hey, hold on!
Madao: Isn't that the game I let you borrow?!
Gin: You were just letting me borrow a game
Gin: that you borrowed from someone else and never returned!
Gin: It doesn't belong to you!
Madao: Shut up!
Madao: How can you sell something that you borrowed from someone else?!
Gin: You're the one who let me borrow a game you borrowed from someone else!
Madao: Let go!
Gin: Stop it!
Iwamatsu: This might be the most pointless fight ever!
Madao: Bastard! What was that for?!
Madao: Destiny of an Emperor was Three-Kingdom'd!
Gin: That's not funny!
Madao: Apologize to Takeshi!
Gin: Shut up!
Gin: You should apologize to Takeshi!
Iwamatsu: Apologize to the people who are watching this crap on TV!
Kagura: Oh, now they're punching each other.
Kagura: I guess they won't need a punching bag.
Iwamatsu: I'm pretty sure they never did.
Iwamatsu: Uh, forget about looking for irritated people.
Iwamatsu: Could you take me to a place
with friendly and energetic people?
Kagura: Hmm...
Kagura: Energetic...
Kagura: I guess there's a place.
Iwamatsu: There is?
Iwamatsu: Could you take me there?
Katsura: It is time for action!
Katsura: We must punish the dogs of the hated Bakufu
who have persecuted us for so long!
Katsura: Tomorrow at dawn,
we will attack the Shinsengumi headquarters!
Katsura: And...
Katsura: ...do this to all of their toilet paper!
Katsura: Turn the roll so it comes out backwards!
A: Damn Shinsengumi!
A: Today will be the last day you can take a dump without having to think twice!
B: After tomorrow morning,
B: they will suffer a living hell
of toilet paper that never stops rolling!
Iwamatsu: Who are these idiots?
Kagura: Energetic t*rrorists.
Iwamatsu: t*rrorists?!
Iwamatsu: Why did you bring me here?!
Kagura: They have plenty of energy.
Kagura: I'm sure they'll be great customers.
Kagura: Hey, Zura!
Katsura: Oh, leader!
Joi: Good evening, leader!
Kagura: Want to warm up before you go take on the Shinsengumi?
Kagura: I brought a punching bag!
Katsura: Punching bag?
Kagura: You can beat up this human punching bag for a whole minute.
Kagura: Pretend that he's from the Shinsengumi and vent your frustration!
A: I get it! Brilliant, leader!
B: We were letting our emotions get the better of us!
B: We should beat him up and calm ourselves down!
A: Okay! Let's do this!
Iwamatsu: Ah! Wait!
Iwamatsu: I can't handle all of you at once!
Iwamatsu: One at a time!
Katsura: Stop, you fools!
Katsura: A samurai should never attack someone
who is not fighting back!
Katsura: And you call yourself Joi patriots?!
Joi: W-We're sorry, Katsura-san!
Katsura: I apologize for their behavior.
Katsura: Forgive us.
Katsura: They are normally well-behaved.
Katsura: I suppose that they're excited about the upcoming battle.
Iwamatsu: Nah, don't sweat it.
Iwamatsu: This is my job, so as long as they come one at a time...
Katsura: I wish to settle accounts.
Katsura: Could you please give each member
a double slap in the face?
Iwamatsu: I'm asking you to hit me!
Iwamatsu: Don't worry about it.
Iwamatsu: Really, this is my job.
Iwamatsu: I'm asking you to hit me.
Katsura: But I will not accept it!
Kagura: Watch your tongue!
Katsura: You must slap each of them the way she is!
Iwamatsu: Why are you punching them?!
Iwamatsu: I can't put food on the table by hitting you people!
Iwamatsu: I'm begging you to hit me!
Katsura: You are so generous!
Katsura: You refuse to hit my men, even after they disrespected you!
Katsura: I understand.
Katsura: I am responsible for the failures of my men.
Katsura: I shall also offer...
Iwamatsu: That's not the issue here!
Katsura: ...that you give my treasure,
a Super Monkey Adventure cartridge, a double slap!
Iwamatsu: Why?!
Iwamatsu: What does Super Monkey Adventure have to do with anything?!
Katsura: I'm sorry, Takeshi.
Takeshi
Katsura: I intended to return this game to you...
Katsura: Such sorrow!
Iwamatsu: And it's another game that was never returned to Takeshi!
Iwamatsu: Who's Takeshi?!
Iwamatsu: Is it the same Takeshi?!
A: Don't be too hasty, Katsura-san!
A: Have you forgotten your promise to Takeshi?!
Katsura: Not another word!
Katsura: Forgive me, Takeshi!
Iwamatsu: Hey! I can't tell if Takeshi is loved or hated!
Okita: The gig's up!
Okita: Katsura!
Okita: Turn yourself in!
Katsura: Shit!
Katsura: The enemy has learned of our plan!
Katsura: Then I have no choice!
Katsura: Onward, men!
Joi: Take this!
Joi: Super Monkey Adventure!
Iwamatsu: Why are you throwing cartridges?!
Iwamatsu: And how many copies do you have?!
Okita: They escaped outside!
Okita: Contact the rd Squad!
Okita: Huh? China girl?
Okita: Why are you here?
Kagura: Oh, the perfect sucker.
Kagura: He's a sadist, so he'd be a perfect customer.
Iwamatsu: First t*rrorists, now cops?!
Okita: A punching bag?
Kagura: Yup. You must be pissed about letting Zura escape.
Kagura: You can use him to blow off some steam.
Okita: It's not my thing.
Okita: There's nothing fun about hitting someone who wants to be hit.
Okita: But I love to see the contorted faces of people in pain.
Iwamatsu: You're twisted!
Iwamatsu: What's wrong with this guy?!
Iwamatsu: Is he really a cop?!
Okita: If he was an artful dodger instead of a human punching bag,
Okita: and he offered to pay me instead of charging, I might hit him.
Iwamatsu: That would make me a sick bastard!
Kagura: That's that, then.
Kagura: Pay up.
Iwamatsu: Huh?
Kagura: I'm telling you to pay up!
Iwamatsu: What?!
Iwamatsu: I'm supposed to pay him to hit me?!
Iwamatsu: I'm trying to make money here!
Kagura: So you come all the way out to the city,
Kagura: and then you turn around and go back
without even getting hit once?!
Kagura: Aren't you a punching bag?!
Kagura: If you have to pay for someone to hit you, so be it!
Iwamatsu: That would make me some kind of S&M freak who's paying to be punished!
Okita: Well, twenty grand will do.
Iwamatsu: Why is this happening?
Okita: Now say, I'll give you all my money, so stop hitting me.
Iwamatsu: I'll give you all my money, so stop hitting me.
Okita: Pretend like you're back in middle school.
Iwamatsu: That's my whole allowance.
Iwamatsu: Cut me some slack, man.
Okita: Now like you're a foreigner.
Iwamatsu: All the money!
Iwamatsu: But not the body!
Okita: I guess I'll let you go this time.
Iwamatsu: That was highway robbery!
Iwamatsu: Give me back my money!
Iwamatsu: Aren't you a cop?!
Iwamatsu: You want a fight?!
Kondo: Sorry.
Kondo: It appears that one of my men was upsetting you.
Iwamatsu: What?
Kondo: Man, he's so hopeless.
Kondo: Sorry!
Kondo: I must apologize, as his superior.
Kondo: So, please keep this quiet.
Kondo: Here, consider this compensation instead of a bribe.
Iwamatsu: Huh? Should a cop be doing this?
Kondo: Please! It's not a big deal! Just take it!
Iwamatsu: Uh, this is wrong.
Iwamatsu: Are you sure about this?
Kondo: It's perfectly fine.
Kondo: Anyway, please forgive him.
Kondo: I'm counting on your silence.
Kondo: Hemosoro suparami bachiguso nemosamu...
Iwamatsu: It's a spell of resurrection!
Iwamatsu: For what game?!
Iwamatsu: I don't need this crap!
Iwamatsu: It's a worthless piece of paper!
Takeshi
Iwamatsu: You again, Takeshi?!
Iwamatsu: How many of your games are floating around out there?!
Iwamatsu: Why did you even bother writing your name?!
Iwamatsu: Everybody must hate you!
Iwamatsu: Your crap's scattered around the world like the Dragon Balls!
Yamazaki: I apologize for my superior's rude behavior.
Yamazaki: Please keep this quiet.
Iwamatsu: Hey, what's wrong with the cops here?
Kondo: Here, consider this compensation instead of a bribe.
Iwamatsu: No, enough of that already.
Iwamatsu: No more.
Iwamatsu: Hey!
Iwamatsu: I don't need any more spells of resurrection!
Yamazaki: Anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan...
Iwamatsu: What is he trying to resurrect?!
Iwamatsu: What the hell?!
Iwamatsu: What does this mean?!
Iwamatsu: I have no idea, but I'm scared to death now!
Kagura: Hey, he's looking at us.
Iwamatsu: He just said something.
Iwamatsu: What did he say?!
Iwamatsu: Hey, am I going to be okay?!
Iwamatsu: Did he just curse me?!
Iwamatsu: Hey! Wait!
Iwamatsu: Is it really okay?!
Greater Edo Parking Lot
Meat Bun
Kagura: Sorry I couldn't help you.
Iwamatsu: It's okay.
Iwamatsu: I'll give up on being a punching bag.
Iwamatsu: I guess this town doesn't need one.
Iwamatsu: There aren't any nasty people in this town
Iwamatsu: who get pleasure out of hitting someone who doesn't fight back.
Iwamatsu: The people here tackle their problems
head-on and blow off stress by running wild.
Iwamatsu: I knew that the people in this town were strong.
Iwamatsu: I wanted to be strong like they were,
instead of working this creepy job.
Kagura: Really?
Kagura: It's too bad.
Kagura: I didn't understand the complicated stuff,
but I feel better now,
Kagura: since you let me punch you.
Kagura: I'm sure there are people who need you.
Kagura: Like, for instance...
Kagura: Over there.
Takeshi
Takeshi: I agreed to co-sign the loan
Takeshi: 'cause he promised to pay the money back,
and then he runs away.
Takeshi: I'm doomed to live a life where nobody ever returns anything to me.
Takeshi: I should have written my name on the money...
Takeshi
Iwamatsu: Is that... Is that...?
Kagura: I wouldn't say that everybody is strong.
Kagura: Some people are overwhelmed by their gloomy feelings.
Kagura: Your job isn't creepy.
Kagura: You should be proud.
Kagura: You're the only one who
can receive the fist of the injured soul who never has
Kagura: anything returned by the idiots of the Kabuki district.
Iwamatsu: I never truly understood
what it meant to be a punching bag.
Iwamatsu: My job wasn't to let other people hit me.
Iwamatsu: It was to accept their fists, their feelings...
Iwamatsu: Takeshi-kun, you can have me for a whole minute.
Iwamatsu: I'll help you forget all the bad memories.
Iwamatsu: How about it?
Takeshi: Gah! Pervert!
Kagura: Congratulations.
Kagura: Somebody finally punched you.
Iwamatsu: This doesn't seem right.
We Ended Kind of Early So We're Gonna Start the Next Episode (Take Two)
Kagura: Have you forgotten
Kagura: about the red kerchief?
Kagura: When we went to the bath in the neighboring town...
Gin: Hey, want me to drop you in the Kanda River?
Greater Edo Bathhouse
Gin: Don't forget that you fell asleep in the bath, almost drowned,
Gin: and destroyed everything in the process!
A: Adults are yen. Children are yen.
Men
Women
Kagura: Don't treat me like a child.
Kagura: I'm a woman now.
Kagura: Charge me another yen.
Gin: Shut your mouth.
Gin: Lady, I have the soul of a boy,
Gin: so how's for both of us sound?
Kagura: Gin-chan, please give me another yen.
Kagura: I want to have some coffee milk after my bath.
Gin: You can drink the water in the bath, you brat.
Shin: Huh?
Shin: Why are you here, Gin-san?
Gin: Commercial break finally ends and
they're treated to a shot of your ass.
Gin: Why are you here?
Shin: There was a special about hot springs on TV,
Shin: so Sis decided she wanted to enjoy a large bath.
Gin: You should have tossed her into a big puddle or something.
Gin: I figured I would have the place to myself.
Shin: Nice to see you, too.
Shin: You were probably going to peek at the women, right?
Gin: I'm not gonna pick a fight with Agnes.
Kondo: Oh, sorry!
Kondo: There's construction work being done on this bath,
so could you go somewhere else?
Gin: Hey, how did the gorilla find out?
Gin: I don't want to share a bath with him.
Gin: I'll probably catch some kind of disease.
Hijikata: You're the disease.
Hijikata: You can use the tepid kiddy bath over there.
Hijikata: It's probably your style.
Kiddy Pool Do not jump in.
Okita: That's the Hijikata-san we know.
Okita: A real Edo boy loves steaming hot baths.
Hijikata: Yeah, this ain't hot enough.
Hijikata: Load 'er up.
Okita: Here.
Hijikata: Hey!
Hijikata: Where'd you get leftover water from cooking yakisoba?!
Gin: I'll use this chance to wash the underwear I was wearing.
Gin: Saves money.
Hijikata: This isn't the Ganges River!
Kondo: Stop it, people!
Kondo: We're here to take a bath!
Kondo: If you're going to make a ruckus, leave!
Kondo: Otae-san can stay!
Gin: You're obviously not here to take a bath.
Gin: If you're looking for a quick cleaning, jump in a washing machine.
Gin: This is no place for dirty bastards like you!
Kondo: What was that?!
Kondo: I'll Vidal Sassoon your pubes!
Gin: Eh?!
Gin: I'll pluck out your ass hairs one by one!
Kondo: Get out!
Kondo: You're in Vidal Sassoon territory!
Gin: Fine! Let's take this outside!
Gin: I'll show you what tweezers can do!
Chibi: Whoa, this is a bathhouse?
Chibi: It's huge!
Chibi: I wanna swim!
Gin: Eh?! Swim?!
Gin: This isn't the pool!
Kondo: Only Vidal Sassooners are allowed here, kid!
Kondo: We booked the place!
Chibi: What? Booked the place?
Chibi: No way.
Chibi: I heard that everybody's allowed in a bathhouse.
Shin: G-Gin-san...
Shin: Th-That's...
Chibi: Papa, they said that they booked the bath.
Goro: What's that?
Goro: That's odd.
Goro: I heard that the bathhouse is a public place.
Goro: Brother, they booked the place.
Shiro: What? That's impossible.
Shiro: Brother Saburo said we could all take a bath here, right?
Saburo: Don't look at me.
Saburo: Well, Brother Jiro?
Jiro: Father, where's our eldest brother?
Dad: Beats me.
Hedoro: Hey. What are you all doing?
Saburo: Ah, Big Brother!
Hedoro: Huh?
Hedoro: The Odd Jobs members.
Hedoro: It's been a while.
Hedoro: It's me, the Hedoro next door.
Gin: He-Hedoro has multiplied!
Saburo: Uh, I heard that you booked the place?
Jiro: We're not allowed in here?
Kiddy Pool Do not jump in.
Both: Welcome!
Both: Enjoy yourselves!
Chibi: Yay!
Hedoro: I apologize.
Hedoro: It appears that we are imposing on you.
Kondo: H-Hey! Why is the Addams Family here?!
Kondo: You know them?!
Both: N-No! We never knew there were so many!
Hedoro: You see, my family's visiting from the countryside,
Hedoro: so I decided to bring them to a bathhouse
to show them what Edo's like.
All: Wr-Wring Edo to death?!
Hedoro: We don't take baths together on our planet.
Hedoro: I think it's dynamite to strip down and spend time together.
All: St-Strip down dynamite!
Gin: I-I don't believe it!
Gin: Th-They're finally moving to invade Earth!
Hijikata: I-Invade Earth?!
Hijikata: Impossible!
Okita: They're starting by taking over this bathhouse.
Okita: Damn monsters!
Kondo: We don't have time to argue about Vidal Sassoons and tweezers.
Kondo: We need to warn everyone!
Kondo: Run for it as soon as they get in the adult bath.
Hedoro: Yes, such a wonderful bath.
All: They got in the kiddy bath!
To Be Continued Next Episode
Next Episode The Bathhouse, Where You're Naked in Body and Soul
Hedoro: And so, we will continue this story next week.
#ED
05x18 - People Forget to Return Stuff All the Time Without Even Realizing It/We Ended Kind of Early So We're Gonna Start the Next Episode (Take Two)
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Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.