Gin: Greetings, everyone.
Gin: Today's ****** was ******* because of the ******* *************,
Gin: so we have a ****** ******** special that's basically a *****!
Nothing Lasts Forever, Including Parents, Money, Youth, Your Room, Dress Shirts, Me, You, and the Gintama Anime
Shin: Uh, excuse me.
Shin: I had no idea what you said
at the beginning because of all the censoring.
Gin: Read between the lines, Pachi-boy.
Gin: Just look at what we're wearing.
Gin: And a kotatsu in May?
Gin: They're reusing old footage for this conversation.
Gin: Eight episodes into the new show and
we're already resorting to cheap tricks.
Gin: And eight's supposed to be a lucky number?
Gin: No wonder your name has Japanese word for eight in it.
Shin: What's that supposed to mean?!
Kagura: The success of the movie led to the TV series returning after one year.
Kagura: Everything was going too smoothly.
Kagura: This show is always on the verge of falling apart.
Kagura: The second series could end at any time.
Kagura: We might as well air the same episode eight times, starting next week.
Kagura: Since Shinpachi's name has the word for eight in it.
Shin: We can't do that!
Shin: And first, we have to figure out
what we're doing for the rest of this episode!
Shin: If we keep reusing old footage while babbling about nothing,
Shin: the producers who were so happy about the show
coming back will have to go back to apologizing to everyone.
Gin: Well, let's play a song for now?
Gin: A song for the valiant efforts of Hasegawa-san, who's managed
to survive despite his dark future, much like this show.
Gin: Take it away.
Cardboard...
"The God of Cardboard" MADAO
Cardboard...
They've taken everything away.
My home, my job, my salary.
I couldn't fight back
as I lost everything.
And then I...
became a middle-aged dumb-ass oldie.
They've taken everything away,
but the God of Cardboard gives stuff to me.
Cardboard can be transformed
into a bed.
At night,
cardboard keeps away the cold.
Cardboard...
O, God of Cardboard.
Cardboard...
I softly closed my eyes and went to sleep.
They've taken everything away.
My pride, my savings, my assets.
I couldn't fight back
as I wore down.
And then I...
Was still a middle-aged dumb-ass oldie.
They've taken everything away.
But the God of Cardboard gives stuff to me.
Cardboard can be transformed
into a house.
Cardboard keeps away prying eyes.
Cardboard...
O, God of Cardboard.
Cardboard...
I softly curled up into a ball.
Cardboard...
Kagura: Who exactly benefited from this?
Special Announcement
The Gintama Movie Production Committee
Zura: Is this the end?
Zura: Instead of falling into enemy hands,
Zura: we should finish this like warriors
Zura: and cut open our bellies.
Gin: Don't be a fool.
Gin: Stand.
Gin: If you have time to plan out a pretty death,
Gin: why not live a pretty life to the very end?
Gin: Let's do this, Zura.
Zura: It's not Zura.
Zura: It's Katsura.
Katsura: The man's silver hair was lined with blood.
Katsura: He tore across the b*ttlefield...
Katsura: ...like a Yaksha.
Gintama the Movie II
Birth of the White Yaksha
Preview
Tendo: This blessed land
Tendo: should not be wasted on those barbaric apes!
Sakamoto: Charge!
Takasugi: Kiheitai! Follow my lead!
Sakamoto: You just charged in by yourself.
Sakamoto: You crazy in the head?
Katsura: You shouldn't be talking.
Sakamoto: Got that right.
Takasugi: Here.
Takasugi: Need a hand, Gintoki?
Gin: Shut up!
Gin: I don't need your help!
Sakamoto: I've made up my mind.
Sakamoto: I'm going into space.
Sakamoto: This w*r is k*lling off my friends.
Sakamoto: I'm sick of...
Sakamoto: ...watching friends die.
Takasugi: I see...
Takasugi: You were the one who...
Takasugi: Gintoki!
Gin: This guy is mine!
Takasugi: Tsk!
Takasugi: Back off!
Gin: Shut up!
Gin: Ma...
Gin: Master Shoyo!
This is when it all began.
Coming next spring.
Also screening: Shinsengumi - Arrival in Kyoto -
Preorder Bonus Everyone who preorders their tickets will receive Elizabeth D glasses!
Shin: Man, I didn't expect the second movie
to cover this storyline.
Gin: You bet.
Gin: They're following up the success of
Gintama the Movie: Benizakura Arc the New Translation.
Gin: And this isn't a rehash of one of the arcs from the TV series.
Gin: This is a completely original story.
Kagura: No one thought that the fake movie scam
from Jump Anime Tour would become real.
Gin: Grown-ups are scum.
Gin: They're quick as lightning to ride on
the coattails of success.
Shin: Fastest in the world, or so they claim.
Kagura: At this rate, we can do a movie every year.
Kagura: If this one is an original story,
the next one can be another remake of a TV arc.
Kagura: After "Birth of the White Yaksha,"
we can do "Kagura and the Steel Troops."
Shin: That arc doesn't exist!
Shin: And you clearly copied that title from someone else!
Gin: Oh, I'm pretty sure that the audience has noticed by now.
Shin: Huh? Noticed what?
Gin: Well, we're sitting here talking about a second movie...
Gin: ...but it ain't gonna happen.
Kagura: Life ain't easy for this series.
Shin: I knew it.
Shin: Wait!
Shin: Stop lying through your teeth!
Shin: We had a successful movie run and the series is back on TV,
Shin: and you're still trying to pull that crap?!
Kagura: The successful movie only made / of what One Piece did.
Gin: You know...
Gin: The success of Gintama the Movie: Benizakura Arc the New Translation
Gin: was somewhat because we spent
four years lying about making a movie on the TV show.
Gin: We aren't big daddies here.
Gin: Can't plant our seed on an annual basis.
Shin: What kind of metaphor is that?!
Gin: So we'll need to spend time setting up the next movie.
Gin: In three years, when the next World Cup is.
Kagura: Though this show might not make
it past the preliminaries for movie consideration.
Shin: You guys aren't even trying, are you?
Okita: Chief.
Okita: Either way, the second movie won't use this storyline.
Shin: Okita-san.
Hijikata: Birth of the White Yaksha?
Hijikata: The Shinsengumi will look even worse.
Okita: Exactly.
Okita: So if there's a second movie,
it should be "Gintama the Movie: Okita Becomes a Sadist,
Hijikata Dies in the Wasteland."
Hijikata: What kind of subtitle is that?!
Hijikata: Why are you kind of copying the title from someone else?!
Hijikata: Why are you k*lling me off?!
Kondo: Calm down, Toshi.
Kondo: It doesn't matter if three years pass until the next movie.
Kondo: It doesn't matter if we don't play a major part.
Kondo: We will stay the course and
stand upright like true samurai!
Hijikata: You need to change your course!
Shin: Wait!
Shin: Why are you naked again?!
Kondo: Well, in a movie, an actress is
supposed to provide a nipslip or, I mean,
a little sexual tension!
Shin: Kondo-san!
Shin: S-Sis!
Otae: Please, Shin-chan.
Otae: We don't need any more movies
after the Benizakura Arc movie
where I was somewhat the main heroine.
Shin: How selfish can you be?
Kyubei: I strum a melody for Otae-chan.
Kyubei: There is no other way.
Shin: What are you talking about, Kyubei-san?!
Kagura: Boss lady!
Kagura: Let me be the heroine next--
Zura: In the TV series, I may play a fool,
Zura: but in the movies, I cut a dashing figure!
Zura: All according to the law of movie-Gian!
Okita: Takeshi!
Hijikata: Wait up, Takeshi!
Madao: Oh, sorry about that.
Madao: The title of the next movie is "MADAO and the Steel Troops."
Madao: It was a lie?
Kagura: I want to have a go at being the heroine.
Otae: Then the three of us can be the main characters of the next movie,
"Three for the k*ll."
Kyubei: I'll play Sengoku...
Sa: You can't satisfy me by making me an extra!
Gin: Stop it, stupid!
Katsura: I am Gian!
Hijikata: You stupid bully!
Shin: Hey!
Shin: What the hell's going on?!
Shin: How are we supposed to stop this circus?!
Gin: How would I know, fool?!
Elizabeth: Man, look at you all whining.
Quit Smoking
Elizabeth: That's why you're One Piece Quarter.
Elizabeth: Actually, it took four years to make / the amount.
Elizabeth: So if you want to be number one,
Elizabeth: you'll have to spend sixteen years preparing.
Gin: Huh?
Gin: What kind of logic is that?
Elizabeth: Hey, Luffy Quarter.
Gin: Huh?
Elizabeth: Finish this.
Gin: Hey!
Gin: That's impossib--
Elizabeth: Bye.
Gin: Don't run away, dammit!
Shin: Wh-What do we do, Gin-san?
Gin: Can't help it.
Gin: Everyone gather round!
Gin: We'll have to go with that!
Gin: Here we go!
All: Three!
All: Two!
All: One Peace!
Gin: Ask Mr. Ginpachi!
All: Is back!
Gin: Okay, it's been a while.
Gin: Let's go straight to the first question.
Gin: From someone with the pen name YNG:
Gin: In episode , "Not Losing to the Storm",
Gin: there was a scene where Gin-san was hit in the balls.
Gin: I'm a girl, so I don't know how much that hurts,
Gin: but a certain person said that
"it hurts as much as a direct ignore-defense attack
Gin: on the abdominal area after a body blow
removed all of the abs and other protection down there."
Gin: I don't understand what that means.
Gin: Could you give me a simple explanation of how much it hurts?
Gin: This question has been keeping me up at night.
Gin: Okay, here's your answer.
Gin: Abdominal area without any abs makes no sense.
Gin: Since you have abs,
Gin: but no balls,
Gin: it's hard to understand.
Gin: I'll use a metaphor that's more romantic
so the girls will understand.
Gin: Now, let us pretend
Gin: that you are drinking tea in a field of flowers.
Gin: And then your pet bunny escapes.
Gin: You run after it,
Gin: but a prince on a white horse happens to pass by.
Gin: However, he doesn't have enough time to react,
Gin: and the white horse stomps on you.
Gin: However, you were wearing a helmet, so you're fine.
Gin: But then the prince loses his balance and is thrown off the horse
Gin: and is about to hit the ground,
Gin: when your butler catches him in mid-air
Gin: since your butler used to be a gymnast.
Gin: But since your butler strained himself, his back gives,
Gin: leaving him in excruciating pain.
Gin: Your butler screams in pain.
Gin: But then he wakes up.
Gin: Yes, it was all his dream
Gin: in a crappy book that left you in pain
Gin: and your mother in more pain as she watches you,
Gin: and your father in even more pain after he accidentally hit his balls.
Gin: That kind of pain.
Gin: After a long suspension, he's finally back.
Gin: Yes, bringing chaos and destruction back to class -Z...
Takasugi: I simply destroy.
Takasugi: Heartless and hardcore.
All: Takasugi-kun!
Final Episode
Gin: Hey.
Gin: Close your textbooks.
Gin: Now, Mr. Kakashi from class N
had his Sharingan stolen after school yesterday.
Gin: There are quite a few suspects,
Gin: but it's too much effort so I'm going to pick someone from this classroom.
Gin: Does anyone know anything?
Kondo: Teach! Takasugi-kun looks suspicious!
Kondo: He must be hiding the Sharingan under that eye patch!
Kondo: He wants to copy my Ninja Centerfold!
Gin: Is that true, Takasugi?
Gin: Kondo's centerfold is just above his hairy ass.
Gin: You'll only be copying a bunch of ass hair.
Takasugi: Heh, who would want that?
Gin: There you have it.
Gin: Well, I understand why the delinquent Takasugi would be a suspect,
Gin: but he doesn't need the Sharingan to improve his image.
Gin: After all, Takasugi already has plenty of emo kiddie tendencies,
Gin: such as being a delinquent, wearing an eye patch,
and having a desire to destroy everything.
Takasugi: You want me to destroy you?
Gin: Well, I recommend that you refrain from picking up new personality traits
Gin: to boost your popularity in the character rankings.
Gin: You'll only confuse the audience by adding to your character.
Gin: New additions frequently fail hard.
Gin: It happens all the time in anime sequels.
Kagura: That's right.
Kagura: Those characters tend to be written off
at the end of the second season.
Shin: Teach, I feel sick.
Shin: Can I go to the nurse's office?
Shin: Shimura.
Shin: You're going straight to the faculty office.
The End
Shin: And so, did you enjoy the Celebrating the th Episode
of the New Series with Another Boring Recap Special?
Gin: Next week's episode will be
Celebrating the th Episode of the New Series with Another Recap.
Shin: The hell it will!
Shin: And yeah...
Shin: If you're curious about next week,
Shin: stick around after the ending credits.
Kagura: Are you talking about Piramekino?
Shin: No!
Shin: If we aired a recap this week and Piramekino next week,
Shin: it wouldn't be a joke anymore!
Shin: The show would be on the verge of fading out!
Gin: Now, now.
Gin: In any case, as long as nothing happens,
same time next week.
All: Be there!
Preview
Bar: What?
Bar: You want to know who the strongest person in the Kabuki District is?
Bar: There are four monsters on a level of their own.
Bar: The Fierce and Divine Mademoiselle Saigo.
Bar: Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant.
Bar: Peacock Princess Kada.
Bar: Empress Otose.
Bar: The Kabuki District Four Devas
The Kabuki District Four Devas Arc
Bar: are in control of the Kabuki District.
Pirako: I have come to join Odd Jobs.
Pirako: My name is Pirako Chin.
Gin: Huh?! A k*ller?!
The arrival of one girl...
Gin: This little twit?!
Shin: This little girl works for the underworld?!
Signals trouble for the Kabuki District -
Pirako: I only know how to decorate with flowers.
Pirako: I'm here to turn the town where Jirocho is...
Pirako: To turn the Kabuki District into a garden of bright red!
Kada: There is no reason for us to fight.
Four factions -
Kada: After all, isn't our enemy Jirocho?
In an all-out w*r.
Saigo: You bastards ready to have your balls ripped out?!
Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant
drops in unexpectedly.
Jirocho: You think you can take my balls by teaming up?
Otose: I don't have any members in my faction.
Emotions intertwine...
Otose: They serve no use at all.
I'm sick of waiting for you to pay the rent. Take your fools and scram. Never come back to this town. -Otose
Otose: They just happen to be...
Otose: ...my family.
Gin: Gran!
Jirocho: So you're the White Yaksha?
Two warriors who refuse to back down...
Jirocho: There are plenty more like you out there.
Gin: Crush us if you can.
Gin: The Otose Family will
be paying our respects.
A Lawless Town Tends to Attract a Bunch of Whoohooey Folk
-Otose
05x08 - Nothing Lasts Forever, including Parents, Money, Youth, Your Room, Dress Shirts, Me, You, and the Gintama Anime
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Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.