11x19 - Hello Bikini Bottom!/ChefBob
Posted: 09/13/22 18:33
- Are you ready, kids?
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- ♪ Ohh...
♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- SpongeBob
SquarePants!
[laughing]
♪
[waves crashing]
[tropical music]
♪
[calming music]
- Greetings, children of Bikini Bottom.
I am Karen, the computer fairy.
[singing opera]
And I have a magical tale to tell.
Once upon a time, there was a dim-witted sea star
who was about to stuff his fat face.
- [grunts]
[humming]
♪
[grunting]
- [laughs]
That idiot has such a huge pile of patties.
I don't think he'll notice if one walks away.
[laughs]
- [chomping]
Aww, I need more ketchup.
[grunts]
- Hmm, which patty to choose?
This one? Nope, too small.
This one? Nope, been chewed.
This one? Nope, the seeds are missing.
Hmm.
[groans]
[screams]
- [grunts]
- [groans] Stand up, you moron!
- [shouting]
- Get me an ice pack, you idiot!
- Where are you, voice? Where are you?
- Uh, Patrick? - [shouts]
Oh, it's you, SpongeBob.
I thought you were this crazy voice that keeps telling me
what to do.
- Oh, that's probably your conscience.
- What are "conscience"? Are they bad?
- No, a conscience is a tiny voice inside you
that tells you the difference between something that's right
and something-- - [groans]
- That's wrong. - Hmm.
So I should do what the voice tells me to do?
- Now that's a smart little sea star.
- [laughs]
[chewing]
- [chuckles]
- [slurping]
- [groans]
Patrick, this is your conscience speaking.
- [groans]
Oh, nice to meet you, conscience.
- So stupid.
So, stupid, the first thing you need to do is buy some more
Krabby Patties on the double. Hi-ya, hey-o!
- That'll be the first thing I do, conscience.
- Yes!
- Right after I run some errands.
[quirky music]
[groans] - Huh?
No! [grunts]
I'm calling the sh*ts here. Now get that Krabby Patty.
- It's just a little list! Please, conscience?
- All right, pea brain. Make it quick.
- Number one: high-five everyone!
Huh! - No, put me down first!
Ow! - High five!
High five! - [screams]
- Low five! - [screams]
- High five! - [groans]
- High five! - [screams]
- High five! - Ow!
- High five! - [groans]
- High five! - Ow!
[moaning]
- [grunts]
[giggles]
[ragtime piano music]
♪
Number two: Ice cream!
Yeah! [waggles tongue]
One Double Chocolate Molar Blowout, please.
- One Molar Blowout, coming up!
- No! You hate ice cream. You only want Krabby Patties.
[grunts]
Hey, you! Cancel that order!
[groans]
- [giggles]
- [grunts] - [shouts]
Ow!
You hate high fives and ice cream?
Are you sure you're my conscience?
- Uh, uh, I, uh--I'm absolutely positively your conscience.
♪
- Hey, doesn't your nose grow when you tell lies
in fairy tales? - Nope.
Noses only grow when you make up the truth.
- Ooh. - See?
- [laughs] I wanna make up the truth too!
Uh, I ate a hot air balloon for breakfast.
Mm. I-I mean, um...
I did not eat a hot air balloon for breakfast.
Hey, I got a big nose too! Nose fight!
En garde! - [screaming]
[grunts] - Hey!
[both grunting] [cheering]
- Hooray! [cheering]
[both grunting]
- [shouting]
all: Uh-oh.
[quirky music]
♪
both: Sorry.
[dramatic music]
[both shouting and groaning]
[quirky music]
- Time to let your conscience be your guide.
Give me that list!
[grunts]
[mutters]
Here. - Hey, only one errand left.
Gotta give a Plankton a Krabby Patty!
- ♪ Oh, yeah!
[quirky music]
- Wonder why I wanted to give Plankton a patty?
- Why not Plankton? He's a sweetheart.
Huh? [grunts]
And as your conscience, I demand you toss that patty
in the mail slot!
- Ooh, I love mail slot toss!
Hmm!
- Not so hard! Hmm?
Mm!
- I've been wanting to hit the beach all week.
[laughs] all: Goo Lagoon!
Goo Lagoon! - Huh?
[groans] Huh?
Ah!
Patrick, please promptly pursue Plankton's patty.
Get the idea?
- [groaning]
[groans]
- [moaning]
How many planktons does it take to change a light bulb?
[quirky music]
One.
- Oh, now I get the idea!
♪ Ooh, gotta follow that patty! ♪
- [screams] Ouch!
Wait for me, you pink pinhead!
[groans]
[surf rock music]
- Mmm.
- Ow. - Ow!
Hey, watch it!
- Ow! - [burps]
Huh?
- [spitting]
- [spits]
- [snoring]
- There's blubber mouth.
♪
[gulps]
- There's Plankton's patty!
- You know what to do. - Do I?
[grunts]
Oh, yeah! - [groans]
[grunts] [shouting]
Huh? [shouting]
Whoa![groans]
[moans] Oh, well.
No patty for Plankton. [cries]
- [grunts] I'm going in!
[grunting]
- Ugh, just being near a whale's mouth
gives me the creeps. - [grunts]
- [shouts]
- [screams]
- Quiet, you fool! You'll wake up Pearl.
- [screams quietly]
- [groans]
- [gulps] [snores]
- [groans] This is snug.
- Mother always said I'd end up in a whale's belly.
Or prison. - Hey, who-a goes-a there?
- Who goes where? - The name's a-Geppetto.
Take off your hats. Stay a while.
- We don't have time for a visit, old man.
We're just trying to find our sandwich!
- Sandwich?
No, I haven't seen anything like that
around here in months. [chuckles]
Huh? [chuckles]
- Hey, Geppetto, what's that behind your back?
- Is that our Krabby Patty? - Nope.
Oh! [grunts]
- [grunts] Aha!
I got the patty! - Aha!
I got the wig!
- Son, they're-a stealing our food-a!
- Who's stealing our food, Pop?
Let me at 'em, let me at 'em!
- Get him, Pinocchio!
[all grunting]
- [humming]
[all grunting]
- Oh, no. A stomachache at the beach?
That's no fun. I wish it would go away.
Hmm? - Your wish is granted.
Hold out your hand.
[upbeat music]
- Wow! What is this?
- For fast relief of indigestion,
try Gush and Flush and wash your pain down the drain.
And my stupid husband, while you're at it.
- [gulps] Ah.
[groans]
[all shouting]
[groans]
[all screaming]
- Thank you, extra-strength Gush and Flush!
[giggles]
- Pinocchio, we're-a free-a! ♪ Yeah!
- [snarls]
- Huh? [giggles]
Don't worry about the patty, Patrick.
I'll take it to Plankton myself,
like a good little conscience. See you.
[giggles] [grunts]
- Oh, hey, Patrick. - [grunts]
My conscience? - You are?
- Yep, I'm Patrick's conscience.
But I overslept.
- Well, if you're my conscience, Conscience,
then who's that? - It's a bug!
Step on it! - [groaning]
- And they all lived happily ever after.
So until next time, this is--
- Karen! - The computer fairy,
hoping all your dreams come true.
[quirky music]
- Let me at 'em, Pop. Let me at 'em.
Let me at 'em, let me-- aww!
[swashbuckling music]
♪
[accordion music]
♪
- [groaning]
You people are proof that evolution can go in reverse!
all: [shushing]
- [humming "Entrance of the Gladiators"]
♪
Pew! Pew! Pew!
all: [oohing]
- [humming]
♪ Ta-da!
[cheers and applause]
- Mr. Squidward, why aren't these walking
wallets spending money? - [grunts]
Because they're too busy watching SpongeBob cook.
- What? - Ow!
[grunting]
- [whistling]
- Well, he's not exactly maximerizing his work time
with those flourishes.
But boy, does that boyo have talent.
[cheerful noises]
[grunts]
And talent is worth money.
[shouting] [all scream]
- [grunts]
- [singing]
[quirky music]
[confused noises] I have X-ray vision!
I can see through walls.
- Calm your waters, lad. I just knocked it down.
- I--why'd you do that?
- In the restaurant business, it's called an open kitchen,
so the customers can watch the cook cook.
- Oh, Mr. Krabs, I don't know if I can take
that kind of pressure. - Nonsense.
You're a born performer. Ooh.
Here. [grunts and spits]
[marker squeaking]
You've even got your own dressing room.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
- [groans]
[shouts] - [moans]
[groans] Come on, boyo, it's showtime.
[quirky music]
- [groans]I can't.
I've got stage fright.
- SpongeBob, if you don't come out, you're fired.
- [groans]
- There he is! - [grunts]
- Chef Bob!
Me little star!
Break a leg. Break two legs.
- My leg! - Shut up, Fred.
[singing]
[cheers and applause]
all: [oohing]
[quirky music]
[all groaning]
- What?
- [giggles nervously]
- That's just wrong!
- [groaning]
- Come on, boyo, razzle-dazzle them!
- [groans] - Huh?
- Oh, what do I do? What do I do?
Huh? Oh.
♪
- [groans] Hmm?
♪
[cheering]
- Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
[all groaning]
- I guess I am.
- Welcome, welcome to my job in the kitchen of Chef Bob.
I cook and dance, I wear square pants,
cooking for this hungry mob.
♪ Your order, please!
[cheering]
- The little Chef Bob is a sensation.
[showy music]
[quirky music]
[murmuring]
- Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
all: We are!
- Yay! [goofy noises]
[cheering]
Yah! Yah!
- [laughing]
- Ah! Huh? Huh?
[goofy noises] - [elated screaming]
- Voila!
[quirky music]
♪ Ta-da!
[watch beeping] - Oh, look at the time.
I gotta get home and get my beauty sleep.
- Oh, what died on that guy's neck?
Oh, it's his head. - Huh?
Hey, what died on your neck? Oh, it's your head.
[all laughing]
- Why, that little plagiarist. That was my line!
- [laughs]
Obviously the sleep hasn't been helping!
[laughs]
- Did-did I say that? I didn't say that.
- [laughs] Hey, do me.
Insult me. - All right.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I was born pretty, what happened to you?
- [laughs] That was a good one.
- Huh? Whoa!
- Chef Bob, we don't speak like that to our customers.
- Me next! sh**t me a zinger!
- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't get that.
I don't speak goober!
[all laughing]
- I love it. Guilty as charged.
[laughs]
[quirky music]
[cheering]
- Oh, great. I've created a monster.
A funny, talented monster.
- [laughing]
Oh, I gotta hand it to you.
That new insult comedy act is really bringing in the money.
- Hmm.
- Ah, what's this here? - Sorry, Mr. Krabs.
It's a list of things Chef Bob needs for his dressing room.
- Oh, does he?
Fresh-cut seaweed,
a manicurist for SpongeBob's puppet hand--What?
A bigger dressing room?
- In the meantime, we'll just take over your office,
blubber boy. - Blubber boy?
Huh? Oh.
No way! [grunting]
[groans] - What's the matter, Krabs?
You don't like money? - [groans]
- What? Of course I like money.
The office will be ready in five minutes.
- Chef Bob, I think your insults are mean and hurtful.
What do you say we just go back to the Krabby Patty routines,
huh? - Need I remind you that
my insults pay your salary?
- Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir.
- Chef Bob, you stole my line.
I do all the insults around here.
- Oh, I am so sorry, Squidward.
You're absolutely right.
- Um, oh, well, uh, thank you.
It's-it's-it's really not such a big deal.
- Let me make it up to you. Hi, everybody!
I'd like to introduce you to a very good friend of mine.
Squidward Tentacles! [cheers and applause]
- Huh? Oh, no, please, please.
You're-you're too kind.
- I was gonna ask Squidward how old he was,
but then I remembered he can't count that high.
- Huh?
[laughter]
- Hmm? [growls]
All right, that's it!
You can't talk to Squidward that way!
He is one of my best friends.
[quirky music]
- That's even more insulting.
- Get a load of him, folks!
He must've been born on a highway because that's where
most accidents happen. Yeah!
[clucking] [laughter]
- [shouting]
- Ow! - Not funny!
[both shouting]
[laughter]
- [shouting]
- He scores!
[chattering]
- Have a drink! - [gasping]
[gargling]
- No, no! [shouting]
[all oohing]
[rumbling]
[both shouting]
[exciting music]
- En garde!
[both grunting]
[groaning]
- [laughing]
[both groaning]
[all gasping]
[both grunting]
- [screaming]
[both crying]
Oh! Ah! Ugh!
[all muttering]
- Me customers!
- [groans]
- All right, enough of this.
[grunts]
Chef Bob, you are hereby fired!
Mr. Squidward, will you do the honors?
[quirky music]
- Let me help you slip into something more comfortable.
Like the gutter.
[quirky music]
♪
- [sighs]
I learned a very valuable lesson today.
- To always be yourself and not hide behind a puppet?
- Well, yeah, that, but mostly don't slam your puppet hand
in a register drawer.
[both laughing]
- [laughing]
Ow.
- [screams]
both: What is it, Mr. Squidward?
- It's-it's alive!
- And now it's time for...
"The Chef Bob Cooking with Insults Show"!
And here's your host, Chef Bob!
- Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
[cheers and applause]
All right, roses are red, violets are blue.
I was born pretty, what happened to you?
[cheers and applause]
- Yay, yeah!
[all groaning]
[tropical music]
♪
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- I can't hear you.
all: Aye, aye, Captain!
- ♪ Ohh...
♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪
all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?
all: SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob SquarePants!
- SpongeBob
SquarePants!
[laughing]
♪
[waves crashing]
[tropical music]
♪
[calming music]
- Greetings, children of Bikini Bottom.
I am Karen, the computer fairy.
[singing opera]
And I have a magical tale to tell.
Once upon a time, there was a dim-witted sea star
who was about to stuff his fat face.
- [grunts]
[humming]
♪
[grunting]
- [laughs]
That idiot has such a huge pile of patties.
I don't think he'll notice if one walks away.
[laughs]
- [chomping]
Aww, I need more ketchup.
[grunts]
- Hmm, which patty to choose?
This one? Nope, too small.
This one? Nope, been chewed.
This one? Nope, the seeds are missing.
Hmm.
[groans]
[screams]
- [grunts]
- [groans] Stand up, you moron!
- [shouting]
- Get me an ice pack, you idiot!
- Where are you, voice? Where are you?
- Uh, Patrick? - [shouts]
Oh, it's you, SpongeBob.
I thought you were this crazy voice that keeps telling me
what to do.
- Oh, that's probably your conscience.
- What are "conscience"? Are they bad?
- No, a conscience is a tiny voice inside you
that tells you the difference between something that's right
and something-- - [groans]
- That's wrong. - Hmm.
So I should do what the voice tells me to do?
- Now that's a smart little sea star.
- [laughs]
[chewing]
- [chuckles]
- [slurping]
- [groans]
Patrick, this is your conscience speaking.
- [groans]
Oh, nice to meet you, conscience.
- So stupid.
So, stupid, the first thing you need to do is buy some more
Krabby Patties on the double. Hi-ya, hey-o!
- That'll be the first thing I do, conscience.
- Yes!
- Right after I run some errands.
[quirky music]
[groans] - Huh?
No! [grunts]
I'm calling the sh*ts here. Now get that Krabby Patty.
- It's just a little list! Please, conscience?
- All right, pea brain. Make it quick.
- Number one: high-five everyone!
Huh! - No, put me down first!
Ow! - High five!
High five! - [screams]
- Low five! - [screams]
- High five! - [groans]
- High five! - [screams]
- High five! - Ow!
- High five! - [groans]
- High five! - Ow!
[moaning]
- [grunts]
[giggles]
[ragtime piano music]
♪
Number two: Ice cream!
Yeah! [waggles tongue]
One Double Chocolate Molar Blowout, please.
- One Molar Blowout, coming up!
- No! You hate ice cream. You only want Krabby Patties.
[grunts]
Hey, you! Cancel that order!
[groans]
- [giggles]
- [grunts] - [shouts]
Ow!
You hate high fives and ice cream?
Are you sure you're my conscience?
- Uh, uh, I, uh--I'm absolutely positively your conscience.
♪
- Hey, doesn't your nose grow when you tell lies
in fairy tales? - Nope.
Noses only grow when you make up the truth.
- Ooh. - See?
- [laughs] I wanna make up the truth too!
Uh, I ate a hot air balloon for breakfast.
Mm. I-I mean, um...
I did not eat a hot air balloon for breakfast.
Hey, I got a big nose too! Nose fight!
En garde! - [screaming]
[grunts] - Hey!
[both grunting] [cheering]
- Hooray! [cheering]
[both grunting]
- [shouting]
all: Uh-oh.
[quirky music]
♪
both: Sorry.
[dramatic music]
[both shouting and groaning]
[quirky music]
- Time to let your conscience be your guide.
Give me that list!
[grunts]
[mutters]
Here. - Hey, only one errand left.
Gotta give a Plankton a Krabby Patty!
- ♪ Oh, yeah!
[quirky music]
- Wonder why I wanted to give Plankton a patty?
- Why not Plankton? He's a sweetheart.
Huh? [grunts]
And as your conscience, I demand you toss that patty
in the mail slot!
- Ooh, I love mail slot toss!
Hmm!
- Not so hard! Hmm?
Mm!
- I've been wanting to hit the beach all week.
[laughs] all: Goo Lagoon!
Goo Lagoon! - Huh?
[groans] Huh?
Ah!
Patrick, please promptly pursue Plankton's patty.
Get the idea?
- [groaning]
[groans]
- [moaning]
How many planktons does it take to change a light bulb?
[quirky music]
One.
- Oh, now I get the idea!
♪ Ooh, gotta follow that patty! ♪
- [screams] Ouch!
Wait for me, you pink pinhead!
[groans]
[surf rock music]
- Mmm.
- Ow. - Ow!
Hey, watch it!
- Ow! - [burps]
Huh?
- [spitting]
- [spits]
- [snoring]
- There's blubber mouth.
♪
[gulps]
- There's Plankton's patty!
- You know what to do. - Do I?
[grunts]
Oh, yeah! - [groans]
[grunts] [shouting]
Huh? [shouting]
Whoa![groans]
[moans] Oh, well.
No patty for Plankton. [cries]
- [grunts] I'm going in!
[grunting]
- Ugh, just being near a whale's mouth
gives me the creeps. - [grunts]
- [shouts]
- [screams]
- Quiet, you fool! You'll wake up Pearl.
- [screams quietly]
- [groans]
- [gulps] [snores]
- [groans] This is snug.
- Mother always said I'd end up in a whale's belly.
Or prison. - Hey, who-a goes-a there?
- Who goes where? - The name's a-Geppetto.
Take off your hats. Stay a while.
- We don't have time for a visit, old man.
We're just trying to find our sandwich!
- Sandwich?
No, I haven't seen anything like that
around here in months. [chuckles]
Huh? [chuckles]
- Hey, Geppetto, what's that behind your back?
- Is that our Krabby Patty? - Nope.
Oh! [grunts]
- [grunts] Aha!
I got the patty! - Aha!
I got the wig!
- Son, they're-a stealing our food-a!
- Who's stealing our food, Pop?
Let me at 'em, let me at 'em!
- Get him, Pinocchio!
[all grunting]
- [humming]
[all grunting]
- Oh, no. A stomachache at the beach?
That's no fun. I wish it would go away.
Hmm? - Your wish is granted.
Hold out your hand.
[upbeat music]
- Wow! What is this?
- For fast relief of indigestion,
try Gush and Flush and wash your pain down the drain.
And my stupid husband, while you're at it.
- [gulps] Ah.
[groans]
[all shouting]
[groans]
[all screaming]
- Thank you, extra-strength Gush and Flush!
[giggles]
- Pinocchio, we're-a free-a! ♪ Yeah!
- [snarls]
- Huh? [giggles]
Don't worry about the patty, Patrick.
I'll take it to Plankton myself,
like a good little conscience. See you.
[giggles] [grunts]
- Oh, hey, Patrick. - [grunts]
My conscience? - You are?
- Yep, I'm Patrick's conscience.
But I overslept.
- Well, if you're my conscience, Conscience,
then who's that? - It's a bug!
Step on it! - [groaning]
- And they all lived happily ever after.
So until next time, this is--
- Karen! - The computer fairy,
hoping all your dreams come true.
[quirky music]
- Let me at 'em, Pop. Let me at 'em.
Let me at 'em, let me-- aww!
[swashbuckling music]
♪
[accordion music]
♪
- [groaning]
You people are proof that evolution can go in reverse!
all: [shushing]
- [humming "Entrance of the Gladiators"]
♪
Pew! Pew! Pew!
all: [oohing]
- [humming]
♪ Ta-da!
[cheers and applause]
- Mr. Squidward, why aren't these walking
wallets spending money? - [grunts]
Because they're too busy watching SpongeBob cook.
- What? - Ow!
[grunting]
- [whistling]
- Well, he's not exactly maximerizing his work time
with those flourishes.
But boy, does that boyo have talent.
[cheerful noises]
[grunts]
And talent is worth money.
[shouting] [all scream]
- [grunts]
- [singing]
[quirky music]
[confused noises] I have X-ray vision!
I can see through walls.
- Calm your waters, lad. I just knocked it down.
- I--why'd you do that?
- In the restaurant business, it's called an open kitchen,
so the customers can watch the cook cook.
- Oh, Mr. Krabs, I don't know if I can take
that kind of pressure. - Nonsense.
You're a born performer. Ooh.
Here. [grunts and spits]
[marker squeaking]
You've even got your own dressing room.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
- [groans]
[shouts] - [moans]
[groans] Come on, boyo, it's showtime.
[quirky music]
- [groans]I can't.
I've got stage fright.
- SpongeBob, if you don't come out, you're fired.
- [groans]
- There he is! - [grunts]
- Chef Bob!
Me little star!
Break a leg. Break two legs.
- My leg! - Shut up, Fred.
[singing]
[cheers and applause]
all: [oohing]
[quirky music]
[all groaning]
- What?
- [giggles nervously]
- That's just wrong!
- [groaning]
- Come on, boyo, razzle-dazzle them!
- [groans] - Huh?
- Oh, what do I do? What do I do?
Huh? Oh.
♪
- [groans] Hmm?
♪
[cheering]
- Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
[all groaning]
- I guess I am.
- Welcome, welcome to my job in the kitchen of Chef Bob.
I cook and dance, I wear square pants,
cooking for this hungry mob.
♪ Your order, please!
[cheering]
- The little Chef Bob is a sensation.
[showy music]
[quirky music]
[murmuring]
- Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
all: We are!
- Yay! [goofy noises]
[cheering]
Yah! Yah!
- [laughing]
- Ah! Huh? Huh?
[goofy noises] - [elated screaming]
- Voila!
[quirky music]
♪ Ta-da!
[watch beeping] - Oh, look at the time.
I gotta get home and get my beauty sleep.
- Oh, what died on that guy's neck?
Oh, it's his head. - Huh?
Hey, what died on your neck? Oh, it's your head.
[all laughing]
- Why, that little plagiarist. That was my line!
- [laughs]
Obviously the sleep hasn't been helping!
[laughs]
- Did-did I say that? I didn't say that.
- [laughs] Hey, do me.
Insult me. - All right.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I was born pretty, what happened to you?
- [laughs] That was a good one.
- Huh? Whoa!
- Chef Bob, we don't speak like that to our customers.
- Me next! sh**t me a zinger!
- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't get that.
I don't speak goober!
[all laughing]
- I love it. Guilty as charged.
[laughs]
[quirky music]
[cheering]
- Oh, great. I've created a monster.
A funny, talented monster.
- [laughing]
Oh, I gotta hand it to you.
That new insult comedy act is really bringing in the money.
- Hmm.
- Ah, what's this here? - Sorry, Mr. Krabs.
It's a list of things Chef Bob needs for his dressing room.
- Oh, does he?
Fresh-cut seaweed,
a manicurist for SpongeBob's puppet hand--What?
A bigger dressing room?
- In the meantime, we'll just take over your office,
blubber boy. - Blubber boy?
Huh? Oh.
No way! [grunting]
[groans] - What's the matter, Krabs?
You don't like money? - [groans]
- What? Of course I like money.
The office will be ready in five minutes.
- Chef Bob, I think your insults are mean and hurtful.
What do you say we just go back to the Krabby Patty routines,
huh? - Need I remind you that
my insults pay your salary?
- Yes, sir. I mean, no, sir.
- Chef Bob, you stole my line.
I do all the insults around here.
- Oh, I am so sorry, Squidward.
You're absolutely right.
- Um, oh, well, uh, thank you.
It's-it's-it's really not such a big deal.
- Let me make it up to you. Hi, everybody!
I'd like to introduce you to a very good friend of mine.
Squidward Tentacles! [cheers and applause]
- Huh? Oh, no, please, please.
You're-you're too kind.
- I was gonna ask Squidward how old he was,
but then I remembered he can't count that high.
- Huh?
[laughter]
- Hmm? [growls]
All right, that's it!
You can't talk to Squidward that way!
He is one of my best friends.
[quirky music]
- That's even more insulting.
- Get a load of him, folks!
He must've been born on a highway because that's where
most accidents happen. Yeah!
[clucking] [laughter]
- [shouting]
- Ow! - Not funny!
[both shouting]
[laughter]
- [shouting]
- He scores!
[chattering]
- Have a drink! - [gasping]
[gargling]
- No, no! [shouting]
[all oohing]
[rumbling]
[both shouting]
[exciting music]
- En garde!
[both grunting]
[groaning]
- [laughing]
[both groaning]
[all gasping]
[both grunting]
- [screaming]
[both crying]
Oh! Ah! Ugh!
[all muttering]
- Me customers!
- [groans]
- All right, enough of this.
[grunts]
Chef Bob, you are hereby fired!
Mr. Squidward, will you do the honors?
[quirky music]
- Let me help you slip into something more comfortable.
Like the gutter.
[quirky music]
♪
- [sighs]
I learned a very valuable lesson today.
- To always be yourself and not hide behind a puppet?
- Well, yeah, that, but mostly don't slam your puppet hand
in a register drawer.
[both laughing]
- [laughing]
Ow.
- [screams]
both: What is it, Mr. Squidward?
- It's-it's alive!
- And now it's time for...
"The Chef Bob Cooking with Insults Show"!
And here's your host, Chef Bob!
- Hi, everybody! Who's hungry?
[cheers and applause]
All right, roses are red, violets are blue.
I was born pretty, what happened to you?
[cheers and applause]
- Yay, yeah!
[all groaning]
[tropical music]
♪