01x09 - Mika in the Middle
Posted: 09/13/22 17:29
[ music ]
- Alright we gotta getour stories straight!
- Listen! Listen to me!
Let's tell himwe were at church.
- ...I'm gonna say,"Mind your business."
In fact, I've gotsome questions for him.
- Mine's better.
[ tube alert ]
[ all talking at once ]
- When I find outwhat happened, Schwoz,
I swear to God,I'm gonna take that w*apon
you tell me never totouch and I'm gonna--
- deep breaths...don't do that...
- ASSSSSSSSEMBLLLLLLLLE!
- Hi.- Ahh!
I don't suppose any of yooooouknow how my Man Truck
ended up at the bottomof the Jandy River?
- Nnnnnnnnnnnnno.- Mind your business.
- Okay. Where you guysbeen all day?
- Church.- Mind your business.
- I honestly don't know.
- Alright. I'll start with you.
You went to church, huh?- Yep.
- Which one?- Went to three.
- Hmm. Little church hopping?- Lotta' church hopping.
- You sing?- Cuppa' times.
- Which hymns?- "Amazing Grace."
"How Great Thou Art."And a Kanye song.
- O-kay.
How about you?
- Mind your business.- O-kay.
- How about you Dimples?Know anything about my truck
being at the bottomof the river?
- I don't know anythingabout anything.
- Checks out.
Well... I believe you all.
And now simplyto leave the room.
One thing, though...
Uhhhh-Mmmmmmiiiiiika!
Mika? I don't suppose.
Do you know anythingabout how my truck
ended up at the bottomof the river do you?
Mika? I love that truckmore than I love Schwoz.
- Ouch.
- And now it's all wet!
[ Chapa mouths, "Don't..." ]
- It was us!
- Aw, come on!- Nooooo!
- I knew it!
- Okay so you know how fast foodalways tastes better in a car?
- Of course.- So we ordered some Nacho Ball
from the close one not the niceone and we brought it back
but it didn't taste right sowe decided to teleport
inside the Man Truck but itstill didn't taste right
so we blasted some music andthat seemed to do the trick
- Good call.- and the food was SOOOOO GOOD
and then the song "Proud Mary"came on and the song
talks about rolling on a river
and then we looked upwho Tina Turner is
and we found out she's stillalive and living in France
and then Miles went "Yes!"
and then we all teleportedinto the river!
- Well I am very disappointed...
- [ groans ]- About what?
- in Mika.
- What?!- Yes!
- For what?- I told you the truth!
- You did.And that's good.
But you also snitched.And that's bad.
- That makes no sense!
- Lying is a very important partof being a superhero.
That's why half the momsin this town think
Ray Manchesteris a fighter pilot.
- That just sounds likeyou're lying to impress women.
- Exactly.
I need to be able to trustthat you can lie.
[ moans ]
- Give her a letter!- No!
- Yeah!- To the "snitch" board!
- Yeah!- Way ahead of you...
MIKA: Come on...
- Oooh. According to this,you've snitched
one, two, three, fourtimes already.
- The ketchup stainI made on the couch...MIKA: But--
- The raccoon fight-clubI was running in the basement.
- That was horrib--
- That I import illegal hairproducts from China
to maintainmy luscious locks.
- And that I do the same thing.
- Those were bothliterally crimes!
- Mika.Last name!
- Macklin!- Mika Macklin.
For snitching a fifth time,you receive...
another letter!
- Ha! You hate to see it.
- Oooh. One more snitch and youget an "E."
- "H."- "H."
- And then...- The shoes of shaaaaaame!
- You have to wearthe ugliest shoes known to man
for an entire weeeeeek.
- No! Those are hideous!
They're so plain and white!
- Yeah, then don't snitch.- Okay!
Well... I don't want tobe a snitch or anything
but there's a kid looking atus through the glass doors.
- Aiieeeeee!!!- Where'd he come from?
- I don't know. Let's punchfirst and ask questions later!
CHAPA: Exactly.
- No, no, no, no, noit's my nephew, Zed.
What are you doing here?! Youcould catch a cold out there,
you don't haveyour baby beard anymore.
- Baby beard?
- Schwoz's family.Total freaks.
- He brought me a message can,from Mama!
This is either really good news,or really bad.
MAMA SCHWOZ'S VOICEFROM THE CAN:It's really bad!
Schwoz! It's Mama.
I don't want youto worry for me.
- Sick turn coming.
MAMA SCHWOZ:But I'm sick.
- Told ya.
MAMA SCHWOZ:My doctor saysI have melty bones.
- [gasps ]Melty bones runs in my family!
MAMA SCHWOZ:Yes, you should get checked.
Please come home to mama.
I need youuuuuu.
Okay how do I hangthis thing up?
It's probably this bigbutton that says "hang up."
Ugh, how did I miss it?
- Schwoz, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah I'm sorry too, pal.That you can't go visit her.
- What?- He can't go?
- You monster.
- He already used upall his vacation days
when he just "had" to gethis appendix out!
Couldn't wait'til Thanksgiving.
- But it's his mom.And she's got melty bones.
- Oh. She always does this.
She always calls him homebecause she's sick
and when he gets there shecomes up with fifty reasons
on why he can't leave--And then I've got no Schwoz
for, like, twomaybe one whole day.
- I'm the mostheartless one here --
but that's pretty cold, m'dude.
- Okay, you can eithergo home now,
or for her tastefulmemorial service. Your choice.
Now if you'll excuse me,I have to go
dry my truck out.
- That dude really givesno hecks.
[ sobbing ]
- Schwoz?
- Yeah, Snitch?
- I was gonna saywe will do anything
to help you see your mama.
- Yeah yeah we love you, Schwoz.- Help your mom, Schwoz.
- Schwoz, quit huggin'The Snitch and come help me!
- Poor little Schwoz.
- We gotta do something.
- Yeah, but how?She's so far away.
- I'm sure if we putour heads together
we can think of something.
- Oooh. Good idea.- Ahhh.
- Too literal.
- I think it's working!- I doubt it.
CAN VOICE:This can willself-destruct in two seconds.
- Wow that canreally doesn't give you--
- Ahh!
- You guys are weak.
- It all just kinda happened.
[ kids all taking at once ]
- Stop talking!
♪ Danger
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Ooooh-ooooh
♪ Danger!
♪ One two three Force!
[ kids in unison ]- Emergency!
- That's just the doorbell.- I know.
[ music ]
- I need you to take my toenailclippings, scatter them
all over town so my enemiescan't use them to curse me.
But make sure you save onein case I ever turn--
- Mama?!
- Schwozzie!
SCHWOZ: Oh, mamaaaaaa!
- Who is responsiblefor this?!
Huh? Hmm?
Mika? You feelin'a little snitchy?
- Oh I think you know that I am.
- I'll tell you whobrought her here -- me.
Miles Macklin.
- Ooooh! Ooooh!He snitched on himself!
Give him an "S."- S!
- Doesn't count if yousnitch on yourself.
- Who makes up these rules?!
- Look, after a number ofunsuccessful attempts
of trying to teleport toSchwoz's home country...
- Eighty-three.- Not important.
I made it there and I broughther and her melty bones
back here so she couldsee her son.
Because we love Schwoz.
And yeah, she screamed a lotwhen I grabbed her,
and yeah, she tried toscratch me
with one of herlittle melty arms,
and where was I goin' with this?
[ Mika mouths, "I don't know." ]
- She's a normal, sweet momwho just wants to see her son.
- Exactly.
- She is rubbing his bellylike a dog.
[ Schwoz laughs ]
- Yeah that's a little weird.
- It's a lotta weird.I can't stand that lady.
She's always trying to find waysto body shame me,
or throw food at me--
MAMA SCHWOZ: Raaaaaay!- Mama Schwoz!
- Ohhhh.Have you gained weight?
- [ angry laughs ]I've gained muscle,
actually and that weighsmore than fat, so...
- Maybe.
- Well this has all beenterribly fun
but I'm having a bad time
and these kids havea lot of work to do
down at superhero school, so...
Mama Schwoz,if you don't mind...
- I don't mind.
- Oh. Hehehe.
[ music ]
- and then whenthe villian says, "Which arm?"
You'd say, "Dis-arm!"
- Ehhhhhhh...
- What's that?"Ehhhhhh?"
- Well, it's not how I woulddisarm someone, but...
- Okay, why don't you come on uphere and show us how it's done?
- Can't.Bones are meltin'.
- Prrretty well establishedat this point, sir.
- But if they weren't, I wouldjust kick you in the zipper.
- Pfft. That's never gonna--
- Zipper kick! Ha!
- Oooohhhhhh!!!
- My turn my turn my turn!
- No one's kicking mein the zipper!
And from now onI would thank you
if you stay out of mah business.
- No! Let her teach usmore stuff!
- Yeah!- Yeah!
[ Emergency Alarm goes off ]
- Oh, come on!
- Ohhh thank god there's crime.
Alright I'll seeeverybody upstairs.
Mostly everybody.
[ whispers ]Mostly.
- Kick someonein the zipper for me...
[ hip hop music plays ]
♪ Losin' my mindwith my eyes closed ♪
♪ Dance dancedrop drop on a low low ♪
♪ Let's get up sweet sweetlike cocoa cocoa ♪
♪ - and drop it low...
♪ and bring it high...now side to side... ♪
♪ and then--
- forgot my gum.
- Okay...so you caught me.
- Your bones aren't meltyat all.
- No. Question is:What are you gonna do?
You're not gonna tell on me...are ya?
You're not somekind of a snitch... are ya?
- Not yet but I'mone letter away.
- What?
CAPTAIN MAN: Mika!
- Ha!
- Mika! What's going on?
- Iiii... forgot my gum.
- Why is there music playing?
- I'm so sick!
I'm so definitely,actually sick!
- I was...just getting pumped up.
You know, a littlepre-crime dancing.
♪ Drop lowand bring it high ♪
♪ and side to side
- That's stupid.
This is a much betterpump-up song.
[ country music plays ]
Come on, get in here!
♪ --to the leftFlex your muscles to the right ♪
- Now lasso.
♪ Ready for a fight
- Smile.
[ Mika fake laughs ]
- Come on.You gotta own it.
[ music ]
- Gross.
Danger Force ASSEMBLE!
I said DANGER FORCE ASSEMBLE!
- They're not here, stupid.
- Where are they?
- Mama sent them on a mission!
- Mama doesn't get tosend them on missions!
Only I get to send themon missions
and I havea very important mission
that I need to send them onright now!
- I'm so sorry. What isyour important mission?
- I need them to return thiscopy of "Addams Family Values."
It's absurdly overdue.
- They'll be back soon.- Where are they?
- I just needed themto pick up a few elderly items.
I would have gone myself,but y'know...
melty bones.
- Look, I'm very honored thatyou chose to come here
to my Man's Nestto melt all over everything.
- Oooops.'Gurted you.
[ music ]
- Is that all forMama Schwoz?
- For a lady with melty bones,
Mama Schwoz sure does havean appetite. Is that weird?
- I don't know don't ask menever question how much
a woman eats or tell herto smile more or--
- Geez. Okay.What's wrong with you?
- I'll tell youwhat's not wrong with me.
I'm not a snitch.I'll tell you that.
I'll tell you that.I'll tell you--
- Uh, that'll be dollars.
- Y'owch.
Well, it's for a good cause.
- You're payingfor that yourself?
- Mama Schwoz has melty bones!It's the least I can do.
- But you've been savingthat money for yoga pants.
The good ones.
- She needs it more than me.
I guess I'll just have tocontinue doin' yogawithout pants.
- Noooo!
- Hey, we ready to head back?
I just bet my entirepiggy bank
on a horse race for Mama Schwoz.
- She made you betwith your own money?!
- She actually made me borrowsome so I could bet more.
If Three Legged Dreamerdoesn't win the fourth race
at Swellview Downs,I'm in real trouble.
- Oh god...- Alright. Let's roll.
Mama Schwoz wants to seeher new golf clubs,like, yesterday.
And it's today.
So I'm late.
- How's she gonna play golfif she's got melty bones?!
- She told me she just wanted tofeel the weight of the clubs
in her handsbefore her hand bones melt.
- Oh. God bless that woman.- Don't make me cry...
[ Mika groans ]
- You okay?
[ mumbles angrily ]
- Stupid...
[ Mika superscreams ]
[ car alarms sounding ]
- Huh? Why?
[ music ]
[ music ]
- Miles, thank you forteleporting to that gator pond
and getting me this palm frond.
[ Miles laughs ]
- Did you all knowthat alligators
can climb up palm trees?Because I did not.
BOSE: I did not know that.
- You learn something newevery day.
- You know,if she weren't all melty,
I'd pick up that ol' bag upby the hair on her feet
and toss heron outta' here.
But there's no pointin wishing,
she's obviously melting away.
- Ahhhhhhhhhbviously...
- I'm mean it's not likeshe's lying or anything.
- Ehhh.
- Mama Schwoz would like aleeeeetle seep of your purée.
- Of course she would.
[ slurping ]
- Alright, that's enough --
thought we were going to listento your dang horse race.
- Oooh!Ooo, it starts right now!
ANNOUNCER:here in the fourthrace at Swellview Downs,
where everyone's talking aboutThree-Legged Dreamer...
- Oh! Three-Legged Dreamer!That's my boy!
- I thought I was your boy.
[ horse race bell rings ]
ANNOUNCER:And they're off!
It's Three-Legged Dreamermoving quicklyon the outside rail,
Reporting For Booty is makinga strong move inside,
but Three-Legged Dreameris still in the lead...
Three-Legged Dreamergoing way out ahead now
and as we roundthe first turn...
and go into Mika'sconscience...
will Mika Be A Snitch,or will she Remain Silent?
Remain Silent is in the lead,but here comes Be A Snitch,
it's neck-and-neck withTell The Truth,
and Do The Right Thingis making a strong pushon the outside...
But here comes GuiltyConscience!
He's followed byAlways Tell The Truth,
and Do The Right Thingin third.
But it's Tell The Truthin the lead,
followed byMika Can't Take It Anymore!
- I can't take it anymore!
ANNOUNCER:But Three-LeggedDreamer is still in the lead.
- Whoa!- Hey!
- Whadja do that for?- We were listenin' to that!
- I'm sorry but you guysneed to know something
about Mama Schwoz.
[ makes clicking sound as ifshe's talking to a horse ]
- Easy now.
- Mama Schwoz is not sick!She's faking!
[ Chapa, Bose, Miles,and Schwoz gasp ]
- Don't listen to her!
- What are you talking about?
- Her bones aren't melting,I caught her dancing yesterday,
she's getting everyoneto do her errands--
and you know what I don't careif you all call me a snitch --
she's faking.
- Mama?
- She's slow-clapping...
- ...that meansMika's right.
- She's faking.
I think.
- Mama?
- Okay, fine I don't havemelty bones!
I'm as healthy asa three-legged horse.
- I knew it!
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, I know.
- And I would havegotten away with it, too,
if it hadn't been forthis meddling snitch!
- Don't make this about me --you were lying the whole time.
- Well I had to!
He never lets my boycome see me.
- I give him one vacation dayevery ten years!
- That's it.I'm going home.
Schwoz, you're coming with me.
- He's not going anywhere!
- You don't even appreciate him!
- I don't appreci--I don't appreciate him?!
Schwoz, cover your ears!
I love this manwith all of my heart!
And there's a reason I don'tgive him any days off work.
'Cause I can't livea day without him.
He is my rock.He is my shoulder to cry on.
But if I tell him thatI'm afraid he might gain
the self-confidenceto leave me for somebody
who might treat him the wayhe deserves to be treated.
You know like a human.
- Ray.You are a complicated man.
- You're straight up toxic,m'dude.
- Well, what did you say?
- I said you're--I said you're staying here.
And, if anything,I overpay you.
- If you want my Schwozzieto stay
you have tofight me for him.
RAY: Lady, I don't know if youhave melty eyes,
but I am built likea Three-Legged Hors--
- Ha!- Oohhhhhh!!
Sick quip.
- Oh, wow!
- Alright, Granny Devito.It's on!
- Dude, they're fightingover you.
- I know...
- If I had any money left,I'd bet on your mom.
- Ha!- Oohhhhh!
- You want us to stop them?
- Ehhhhhh...not yet.
- Where did she go?!
[ Mama Schwoz hisses ]
- Well how'd she get up there?
- That is terrifying.
- Hee-yahhhh!
[ in unison ]- Ooohh!
[ all shouting at once ]
- Cheater!- You're a cheater!
- Wow!
- Ray. I love you.
- Yes! I win!
Bye bye!Bye bye now!
- But I think it's timefor me to go home.
- Ha!
- So what? You're just gonna...you're just gonna leave me?
- It's time. I need to go homeand be with my mama.
- Haaa!Go mama, go mama, go mama.
- It's great.Jasper, Charlotte, Henry.
And now you too.It's fine.
- Is this really goodbye?
- Yes. It's like I always say,"Family First."
- Get wrecked, suckers!
- We're miss you, Schwoz.
BOSE: Bye...
- Adiós.
- How are we getting home?
- We'll take the helicopter tomy rocket to my space port,
then over to La Cienegawhere it hits the junior high...
- Do any of you guys know howto make science devices?
- I can learn...
- Do any of you guys knowhow to scratch my back
just the way I like it?
- You mean like this?
- Ahhh. That's perfect actually.
Schwoz?!
- We thought you were leavingwith your mom!
- I did!
- But you're here!- I know!
- I'm so confused!- I just figured it out!
The real Schwoz has beeninside of us the whole time.
- No! The Schwoz who just leftwith my mama was my clone!
- That makes more sense.
- You had a clone?- I used to.
- You mean you picked usover your own mama?
- It's like I always say...
"Family second."
[ kids in unison ]- Awww.
- Nnnnot so fast.
We still have one little thingto take care of first.
Schwoz, pull upthe Snitch board.
- What?!- Yes!!!
- Ya' snitched.
- Because she was takingadvantage of my friends!
I snitched for you guys!
- And we appreciate that.
- Much appreciated!- You're a good friend.
- But the rules is the rules.
You snitch,you wear the shoes of shame.
- Shame!- For shame!
- Fine! I don't carewhat you guys think,I did the right thing!
RAY: [ starting to chant ]Shoes of Shame.
[ All chanting at Mika ]Shoes of Shame. Shoes of Shame.Shoes of Shame...
- Y'know what these shoesaren't that bad!
I love how white they are!
[ chanting ]Shoes of Shame.Shoes of Shame...
- I know some really cool dadswho wear these exact shoes!
[ chanting ]Shoes of Shame.Shoes of Shame...
[ music ]
♪ Always on the scenein the nick of time ♪
♪ The second I see troubleI know I'll be fine ♪
♪ I'm okay
♪ I'm okaaaay!
♪ Danger
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Ooooh-ooooh
♪ Danger!
♪ One two three Force!
- Alright we gotta getour stories straight!
- Listen! Listen to me!
Let's tell himwe were at church.
- ...I'm gonna say,"Mind your business."
In fact, I've gotsome questions for him.
- Mine's better.
[ tube alert ]
[ all talking at once ]
- When I find outwhat happened, Schwoz,
I swear to God,I'm gonna take that w*apon
you tell me never totouch and I'm gonna--
- deep breaths...don't do that...
- ASSSSSSSSEMBLLLLLLLLE!
- Hi.- Ahh!
I don't suppose any of yooooouknow how my Man Truck
ended up at the bottomof the Jandy River?
- Nnnnnnnnnnnnno.- Mind your business.
- Okay. Where you guysbeen all day?
- Church.- Mind your business.
- I honestly don't know.
- Alright. I'll start with you.
You went to church, huh?- Yep.
- Which one?- Went to three.
- Hmm. Little church hopping?- Lotta' church hopping.
- You sing?- Cuppa' times.
- Which hymns?- "Amazing Grace."
"How Great Thou Art."And a Kanye song.
- O-kay.
How about you?
- Mind your business.- O-kay.
- How about you Dimples?Know anything about my truck
being at the bottomof the river?
- I don't know anythingabout anything.
- Checks out.
Well... I believe you all.
And now simplyto leave the room.
One thing, though...
Uhhhh-Mmmmmmiiiiiika!
Mika? I don't suppose.
Do you know anythingabout how my truck
ended up at the bottomof the river do you?
Mika? I love that truckmore than I love Schwoz.
- Ouch.
- And now it's all wet!
[ Chapa mouths, "Don't..." ]
- It was us!
- Aw, come on!- Nooooo!
- I knew it!
- Okay so you know how fast foodalways tastes better in a car?
- Of course.- So we ordered some Nacho Ball
from the close one not the niceone and we brought it back
but it didn't taste right sowe decided to teleport
inside the Man Truck but itstill didn't taste right
so we blasted some music andthat seemed to do the trick
- Good call.- and the food was SOOOOO GOOD
and then the song "Proud Mary"came on and the song
talks about rolling on a river
and then we looked upwho Tina Turner is
and we found out she's stillalive and living in France
and then Miles went "Yes!"
and then we all teleportedinto the river!
- Well I am very disappointed...
- [ groans ]- About what?
- in Mika.
- What?!- Yes!
- For what?- I told you the truth!
- You did.And that's good.
But you also snitched.And that's bad.
- That makes no sense!
- Lying is a very important partof being a superhero.
That's why half the momsin this town think
Ray Manchesteris a fighter pilot.
- That just sounds likeyou're lying to impress women.
- Exactly.
I need to be able to trustthat you can lie.
[ moans ]
- Give her a letter!- No!
- Yeah!- To the "snitch" board!
- Yeah!- Way ahead of you...
MIKA: Come on...
- Oooh. According to this,you've snitched
one, two, three, fourtimes already.
- The ketchup stainI made on the couch...MIKA: But--
- The raccoon fight-clubI was running in the basement.
- That was horrib--
- That I import illegal hairproducts from China
to maintainmy luscious locks.
- And that I do the same thing.
- Those were bothliterally crimes!
- Mika.Last name!
- Macklin!- Mika Macklin.
For snitching a fifth time,you receive...
another letter!
- Ha! You hate to see it.
- Oooh. One more snitch and youget an "E."
- "H."- "H."
- And then...- The shoes of shaaaaaame!
- You have to wearthe ugliest shoes known to man
for an entire weeeeeek.
- No! Those are hideous!
They're so plain and white!
- Yeah, then don't snitch.- Okay!
Well... I don't want tobe a snitch or anything
but there's a kid looking atus through the glass doors.
- Aiieeeeee!!!- Where'd he come from?
- I don't know. Let's punchfirst and ask questions later!
CHAPA: Exactly.
- No, no, no, no, noit's my nephew, Zed.
What are you doing here?! Youcould catch a cold out there,
you don't haveyour baby beard anymore.
- Baby beard?
- Schwoz's family.Total freaks.
- He brought me a message can,from Mama!
This is either really good news,or really bad.
MAMA SCHWOZ'S VOICEFROM THE CAN:It's really bad!
Schwoz! It's Mama.
I don't want youto worry for me.
- Sick turn coming.
MAMA SCHWOZ:But I'm sick.
- Told ya.
MAMA SCHWOZ:My doctor saysI have melty bones.
- [gasps ]Melty bones runs in my family!
MAMA SCHWOZ:Yes, you should get checked.
Please come home to mama.
I need youuuuuu.
Okay how do I hangthis thing up?
It's probably this bigbutton that says "hang up."
Ugh, how did I miss it?
- Schwoz, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah I'm sorry too, pal.That you can't go visit her.
- What?- He can't go?
- You monster.
- He already used upall his vacation days
when he just "had" to gethis appendix out!
Couldn't wait'til Thanksgiving.
- But it's his mom.And she's got melty bones.
- Oh. She always does this.
She always calls him homebecause she's sick
and when he gets there shecomes up with fifty reasons
on why he can't leave--And then I've got no Schwoz
for, like, twomaybe one whole day.
- I'm the mostheartless one here --
but that's pretty cold, m'dude.
- Okay, you can eithergo home now,
or for her tastefulmemorial service. Your choice.
Now if you'll excuse me,I have to go
dry my truck out.
- That dude really givesno hecks.
[ sobbing ]
- Schwoz?
- Yeah, Snitch?
- I was gonna saywe will do anything
to help you see your mama.
- Yeah yeah we love you, Schwoz.- Help your mom, Schwoz.
- Schwoz, quit huggin'The Snitch and come help me!
- Poor little Schwoz.
- We gotta do something.
- Yeah, but how?She's so far away.
- I'm sure if we putour heads together
we can think of something.
- Oooh. Good idea.- Ahhh.
- Too literal.
- I think it's working!- I doubt it.
CAN VOICE:This can willself-destruct in two seconds.
- Wow that canreally doesn't give you--
- Ahh!
- You guys are weak.
- It all just kinda happened.
[ kids all taking at once ]
- Stop talking!
♪ Danger
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Ooooh-ooooh
♪ Danger!
♪ One two three Force!
[ kids in unison ]- Emergency!
- That's just the doorbell.- I know.
[ music ]
- I need you to take my toenailclippings, scatter them
all over town so my enemiescan't use them to curse me.
But make sure you save onein case I ever turn--
- Mama?!
- Schwozzie!
SCHWOZ: Oh, mamaaaaaa!
- Who is responsiblefor this?!
Huh? Hmm?
Mika? You feelin'a little snitchy?
- Oh I think you know that I am.
- I'll tell you whobrought her here -- me.
Miles Macklin.
- Ooooh! Ooooh!He snitched on himself!
Give him an "S."- S!
- Doesn't count if yousnitch on yourself.
- Who makes up these rules?!
- Look, after a number ofunsuccessful attempts
of trying to teleport toSchwoz's home country...
- Eighty-three.- Not important.
I made it there and I broughther and her melty bones
back here so she couldsee her son.
Because we love Schwoz.
And yeah, she screamed a lotwhen I grabbed her,
and yeah, she tried toscratch me
with one of herlittle melty arms,
and where was I goin' with this?
[ Mika mouths, "I don't know." ]
- She's a normal, sweet momwho just wants to see her son.
- Exactly.
- She is rubbing his bellylike a dog.
[ Schwoz laughs ]
- Yeah that's a little weird.
- It's a lotta weird.I can't stand that lady.
She's always trying to find waysto body shame me,
or throw food at me--
MAMA SCHWOZ: Raaaaaay!- Mama Schwoz!
- Ohhhh.Have you gained weight?
- [ angry laughs ]I've gained muscle,
actually and that weighsmore than fat, so...
- Maybe.
- Well this has all beenterribly fun
but I'm having a bad time
and these kids havea lot of work to do
down at superhero school, so...
Mama Schwoz,if you don't mind...
- I don't mind.
- Oh. Hehehe.
[ music ]
- and then whenthe villian says, "Which arm?"
You'd say, "Dis-arm!"
- Ehhhhhhh...
- What's that?"Ehhhhhh?"
- Well, it's not how I woulddisarm someone, but...
- Okay, why don't you come on uphere and show us how it's done?
- Can't.Bones are meltin'.
- Prrretty well establishedat this point, sir.
- But if they weren't, I wouldjust kick you in the zipper.
- Pfft. That's never gonna--
- Zipper kick! Ha!
- Oooohhhhhh!!!
- My turn my turn my turn!
- No one's kicking mein the zipper!
And from now onI would thank you
if you stay out of mah business.
- No! Let her teach usmore stuff!
- Yeah!- Yeah!
[ Emergency Alarm goes off ]
- Oh, come on!
- Ohhh thank god there's crime.
Alright I'll seeeverybody upstairs.
Mostly everybody.
[ whispers ]Mostly.
- Kick someonein the zipper for me...
[ hip hop music plays ]
♪ Losin' my mindwith my eyes closed ♪
♪ Dance dancedrop drop on a low low ♪
♪ Let's get up sweet sweetlike cocoa cocoa ♪
♪ - and drop it low...
♪ and bring it high...now side to side... ♪
♪ and then--
- forgot my gum.
- Okay...so you caught me.
- Your bones aren't meltyat all.
- No. Question is:What are you gonna do?
You're not gonna tell on me...are ya?
You're not somekind of a snitch... are ya?
- Not yet but I'mone letter away.
- What?
CAPTAIN MAN: Mika!
- Ha!
- Mika! What's going on?
- Iiii... forgot my gum.
- Why is there music playing?
- I'm so sick!
I'm so definitely,actually sick!
- I was...just getting pumped up.
You know, a littlepre-crime dancing.
♪ Drop lowand bring it high ♪
♪ and side to side
- That's stupid.
This is a much betterpump-up song.
[ country music plays ]
Come on, get in here!
♪ --to the leftFlex your muscles to the right ♪
- Now lasso.
♪ Ready for a fight
- Smile.
[ Mika fake laughs ]
- Come on.You gotta own it.
[ music ]
- Gross.
Danger Force ASSEMBLE!
I said DANGER FORCE ASSEMBLE!
- They're not here, stupid.
- Where are they?
- Mama sent them on a mission!
- Mama doesn't get tosend them on missions!
Only I get to send themon missions
and I havea very important mission
that I need to send them onright now!
- I'm so sorry. What isyour important mission?
- I need them to return thiscopy of "Addams Family Values."
It's absurdly overdue.
- They'll be back soon.- Where are they?
- I just needed themto pick up a few elderly items.
I would have gone myself,but y'know...
melty bones.
- Look, I'm very honored thatyou chose to come here
to my Man's Nestto melt all over everything.
- Oooops.'Gurted you.
[ music ]
- Is that all forMama Schwoz?
- For a lady with melty bones,
Mama Schwoz sure does havean appetite. Is that weird?
- I don't know don't ask menever question how much
a woman eats or tell herto smile more or--
- Geez. Okay.What's wrong with you?
- I'll tell youwhat's not wrong with me.
I'm not a snitch.I'll tell you that.
I'll tell you that.I'll tell you--
- Uh, that'll be dollars.
- Y'owch.
Well, it's for a good cause.
- You're payingfor that yourself?
- Mama Schwoz has melty bones!It's the least I can do.
- But you've been savingthat money for yoga pants.
The good ones.
- She needs it more than me.
I guess I'll just have tocontinue doin' yogawithout pants.
- Noooo!
- Hey, we ready to head back?
I just bet my entirepiggy bank
on a horse race for Mama Schwoz.
- She made you betwith your own money?!
- She actually made me borrowsome so I could bet more.
If Three Legged Dreamerdoesn't win the fourth race
at Swellview Downs,I'm in real trouble.
- Oh god...- Alright. Let's roll.
Mama Schwoz wants to seeher new golf clubs,like, yesterday.
And it's today.
So I'm late.
- How's she gonna play golfif she's got melty bones?!
- She told me she just wanted tofeel the weight of the clubs
in her handsbefore her hand bones melt.
- Oh. God bless that woman.- Don't make me cry...
[ Mika groans ]
- You okay?
[ mumbles angrily ]
- Stupid...
[ Mika superscreams ]
[ car alarms sounding ]
- Huh? Why?
[ music ]
[ music ]
- Miles, thank you forteleporting to that gator pond
and getting me this palm frond.
[ Miles laughs ]
- Did you all knowthat alligators
can climb up palm trees?Because I did not.
BOSE: I did not know that.
- You learn something newevery day.
- You know,if she weren't all melty,
I'd pick up that ol' bag upby the hair on her feet
and toss heron outta' here.
But there's no pointin wishing,
she's obviously melting away.
- Ahhhhhhhhhbviously...
- I'm mean it's not likeshe's lying or anything.
- Ehhh.
- Mama Schwoz would like aleeeeetle seep of your purée.
- Of course she would.
[ slurping ]
- Alright, that's enough --
thought we were going to listento your dang horse race.
- Oooh!Ooo, it starts right now!
ANNOUNCER:here in the fourthrace at Swellview Downs,
where everyone's talking aboutThree-Legged Dreamer...
- Oh! Three-Legged Dreamer!That's my boy!
- I thought I was your boy.
[ horse race bell rings ]
ANNOUNCER:And they're off!
It's Three-Legged Dreamermoving quicklyon the outside rail,
Reporting For Booty is makinga strong move inside,
but Three-Legged Dreameris still in the lead...
Three-Legged Dreamergoing way out ahead now
and as we roundthe first turn...
and go into Mika'sconscience...
will Mika Be A Snitch,or will she Remain Silent?
Remain Silent is in the lead,but here comes Be A Snitch,
it's neck-and-neck withTell The Truth,
and Do The Right Thingis making a strong pushon the outside...
But here comes GuiltyConscience!
He's followed byAlways Tell The Truth,
and Do The Right Thingin third.
But it's Tell The Truthin the lead,
followed byMika Can't Take It Anymore!
- I can't take it anymore!
ANNOUNCER:But Three-LeggedDreamer is still in the lead.
- Whoa!- Hey!
- Whadja do that for?- We were listenin' to that!
- I'm sorry but you guysneed to know something
about Mama Schwoz.
[ makes clicking sound as ifshe's talking to a horse ]
- Easy now.
- Mama Schwoz is not sick!She's faking!
[ Chapa, Bose, Miles,and Schwoz gasp ]
- Don't listen to her!
- What are you talking about?
- Her bones aren't melting,I caught her dancing yesterday,
she's getting everyoneto do her errands--
and you know what I don't careif you all call me a snitch --
she's faking.
- Mama?
- She's slow-clapping...
- ...that meansMika's right.
- She's faking.
I think.
- Mama?
- Okay, fine I don't havemelty bones!
I'm as healthy asa three-legged horse.
- I knew it!
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, I know.
- And I would havegotten away with it, too,
if it hadn't been forthis meddling snitch!
- Don't make this about me --you were lying the whole time.
- Well I had to!
He never lets my boycome see me.
- I give him one vacation dayevery ten years!
- That's it.I'm going home.
Schwoz, you're coming with me.
- He's not going anywhere!
- You don't even appreciate him!
- I don't appreci--I don't appreciate him?!
Schwoz, cover your ears!
I love this manwith all of my heart!
And there's a reason I don'tgive him any days off work.
'Cause I can't livea day without him.
He is my rock.He is my shoulder to cry on.
But if I tell him thatI'm afraid he might gain
the self-confidenceto leave me for somebody
who might treat him the wayhe deserves to be treated.
You know like a human.
- Ray.You are a complicated man.
- You're straight up toxic,m'dude.
- Well, what did you say?
- I said you're--I said you're staying here.
And, if anything,I overpay you.
- If you want my Schwozzieto stay
you have tofight me for him.
RAY: Lady, I don't know if youhave melty eyes,
but I am built likea Three-Legged Hors--
- Ha!- Oohhhhhh!!
Sick quip.
- Oh, wow!
- Alright, Granny Devito.It's on!
- Dude, they're fightingover you.
- I know...
- If I had any money left,I'd bet on your mom.
- Ha!- Oohhhhh!
- You want us to stop them?
- Ehhhhhh...not yet.
- Where did she go?!
[ Mama Schwoz hisses ]
- Well how'd she get up there?
- That is terrifying.
- Hee-yahhhh!
[ in unison ]- Ooohh!
[ all shouting at once ]
- Cheater!- You're a cheater!
- Wow!
- Ray. I love you.
- Yes! I win!
Bye bye!Bye bye now!
- But I think it's timefor me to go home.
- Ha!
- So what? You're just gonna...you're just gonna leave me?
- It's time. I need to go homeand be with my mama.
- Haaa!Go mama, go mama, go mama.
- It's great.Jasper, Charlotte, Henry.
And now you too.It's fine.
- Is this really goodbye?
- Yes. It's like I always say,"Family First."
- Get wrecked, suckers!
- We're miss you, Schwoz.
BOSE: Bye...
- Adiós.
- How are we getting home?
- We'll take the helicopter tomy rocket to my space port,
then over to La Cienegawhere it hits the junior high...
- Do any of you guys know howto make science devices?
- I can learn...
- Do any of you guys knowhow to scratch my back
just the way I like it?
- You mean like this?
- Ahhh. That's perfect actually.
Schwoz?!
- We thought you were leavingwith your mom!
- I did!
- But you're here!- I know!
- I'm so confused!- I just figured it out!
The real Schwoz has beeninside of us the whole time.
- No! The Schwoz who just leftwith my mama was my clone!
- That makes more sense.
- You had a clone?- I used to.
- You mean you picked usover your own mama?
- It's like I always say...
"Family second."
[ kids in unison ]- Awww.
- Nnnnot so fast.
We still have one little thingto take care of first.
Schwoz, pull upthe Snitch board.
- What?!- Yes!!!
- Ya' snitched.
- Because she was takingadvantage of my friends!
I snitched for you guys!
- And we appreciate that.
- Much appreciated!- You're a good friend.
- But the rules is the rules.
You snitch,you wear the shoes of shame.
- Shame!- For shame!
- Fine! I don't carewhat you guys think,I did the right thing!
RAY: [ starting to chant ]Shoes of Shame.
[ All chanting at Mika ]Shoes of Shame. Shoes of Shame.Shoes of Shame...
- Y'know what these shoesaren't that bad!
I love how white they are!
[ chanting ]Shoes of Shame.Shoes of Shame...
- I know some really cool dadswho wear these exact shoes!
[ chanting ]Shoes of Shame.Shoes of Shame...
[ music ]
♪ Always on the scenein the nick of time ♪
♪ The second I see troubleI know I'll be fine ♪
♪ I'm okay
♪ I'm okaaaay!
♪ Danger
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Whoaaa-oooh
♪ Ooooh-ooooh
♪ Danger!
♪ One two three Force!