02x17 - Jim, the Tyrant

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

Man: robert young...
And jane wyatt...

With elinor donahue, billy
gray, and lauren chapin

In father knows best.

Hang on a second, mr. Sommers.

Those figures are
here somewhere.

Oh, great. I'm sure
batting 1,000 today.

Miss thomas, where's
my rate book?!

It's in your desk drawer.

Where in my desk drawer?

It's right on top. Oh, no,
it's in the left-hand drawer.

Oh.

I'm sorry, mr. Sommers.
I'll have to call you back.

Yes! Yes, right away. Good-bye.

What the... Hello?!

Oh, everything's gone
wrong today, fred.

What's on your mind?

Well, I don't know about that.

There's no rush
about it, is there?

Hmm.

Well, I'd like to
talk to you about it.

Maybe we can come up
with another angle on it.

I see.

Whatever you say, fred.

Yes, I'll take care of it.

As of today. Right.

Good-bye.

Fred miller just
canceled his policy.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't answer it.

Don't answer it?
We always answer it.

Why?

Well, it might be
something important.

Everybody always
answers the telephone.

Maybe that's our trouble.

Suppose it's
mr. Sommers calling back.

We haven't found the
rate book yet, have we?

No.

Where are you going? Home.

At 4:00 in the afternoon?

Whenever things go this wrong,

The only sensible
move is to go home.

You know, it's amazing.

I know this is corny,

But it's amazing how your
troubles sort of melt away

As soon as you
drive in that driveway

And those kids
swarm all over ya.

What a tonic.

What a tonic for an
old, beat-up businessman!

Here I'm just a doormat
for everyone's troubles,

But at home, there's a
big doormat just for me,

And it says "welcome."

I'd better get out of here
before I start writing poetry.

If you had any sense, you'd quit
this silly job and get married.

Oh.

Goodness! Is it that late?!

No.

I... I just felt the need
of the comforting arms

Of my little family.

You're not sick, are you?

No, I'm not sick.
I just... Good.

Hi, son! How's every...

Anybody we know? What?

Oh, that was bud.

I know it was bud.

"Take 1 cup of sugar..."

Oh, what a day I had!

It started off with charlie
jones raising the roof because...

The company
wouldn't take the risk

On that old... Of his.

I said, "well, charlie,
don't get sore at me!

I said, "don't
get sore at me..."

What did you say?
"Don't get sore at me."

I'm not getting sore at you.

I just am trying to get dinner.

No, I mean, that's what
I said to charlie jones.

Charlie jones... Who's he?

Uh, he's...

Oh, he's just a... Oh,
it's not important.

Oh.

Well, how'd things
go at the office today?

Just fine.

That's nice.

Oh, sorry.

Dear, why don't you
go in the living room

And read your paper?

Yeah, that's a good idea.

I'm staying away from
you! You're an enemy planet!

Well, I'm beginning
to feel like one.

Hey, don't do that!

You're letting the oxygen out of
the landing chambers on jupiter!

Oh! Sorry.

I don't think much
got out, though!

Daddy, why don't you go
and sit down someplace?

Yes, ma'am.

Why don't you fly back to earth and
say hello to your ol' beat-up father?

Oh, I won't be back down
there for a couple of centuries!

Hmm, I don't think I'll wait.

Hey, duck, or you'll
get hit by a satellite!

Oh.

Hello, father. How are you?

Well!

I'm okay.

No, I'm not really okay.

This was one of the worst
days I've ever had at the office.

Fred miller canceled
a nice, big policy on me

Over practically nothing at all!

And then charlie jones jumped
all over me because the company...

And then this big,
snarling ape walked in,

Crushed all the furniture,
grabbed miss thomas,

And threw her out
an 11-story window!

That's nice.

Don't sit there, father.
My sweater's drying there.

Well, kitten, at
least you, uh...

Well, that makes it unanimous.

Betty.

Yes, father?

Miss anderson, will
you please listen to me?

Yes, father.

Do you recall a small
rip in the hammock

Which I asked you to mend
at least two weeks ago?!

That's nice. It is not nice!

It is now the size of the grand
canyon, and I just fell through it!

You did?

Yeah! I might've broken my back
all because of your neglect.

It certainly doesn't seem
too much to ask of a daughter

That she take five minutes
of her precious time...

Oh!

Can't you see I'm talking? Don't
you know it's impolite to interrupt?

Go on back to jupiter and
don't disturb us anymore!

That's all it would've
taken you to patch it...

Five minutes!

But did you do it? No!

It's all right for me to sl*ve
all week long for all of you,

But if I ask one little
thing, it's a different matter.

It's an entirely
different matter!

What's the matter with him?

I don't know.

He acted a little
strange out in the kitchen

When he first came home.

This isn't like him at all.

Well, i... I don't know,

But I have a hunch that maybe
something went wrong at the office.

Tsk.

It'd be so much better for him

If he'd only tell me about
these office troubles

Instead of keeping them
all locked up in himself.

You know father won't
even mention such things.

Well, I think he'll feel better
after he's had some food.

What's the matter with that boy?

Every time he
comes in the house,

It sounds like he's
breaking a sound barrier.

Why doesn't he get home on time?

He has no right to expect
us to hold dinner for him.

Now, we're not holding dinner,

And he'll be through as soon
as we are, probably before.

Sure, bolting his food.

That's another thing I
wanna talk to him about.

Hi, everybody!

Bud, do you have to come
charging down those stairs

Like a herd of wild elephants?

Well, I didn't want to be late.

Why were you?

My watch stopped.

Suppose you came home
one night for dinner

And nothing was ready

And your mother said
her watch had stopped.

What would you say to that?

Well, I guess I'd say,

"Dad, don't you think you
ought to buy mom a new watch?"

I'll get it. Sit down
and eat your dinner.

I'll get it.

And don't bolt your food.

Gee, what's eatin' dad?

Bad day at the office.
He's on a rampage.

It's your turn now.
We've already had ours.

Oh, thanks, mom. What
did I do that was so wrong?

Just never mind
now. I think he's tired.

We mustn't do
anything to irritate him.

So please, all of you, don't...

Who called, dear?

Evelyn hickson. She can't come
over tonight and baby-sit with kathy.

Goody! She makes me go to bed.

Well, who's gonna
stay then? I can't!

Where are you going?

Dress rehearsals. School play.

I've just got to be
there! Don't i, mother?

Then bud will stay. Me?!

Well, I've got a date with the
guys. We're gonna go see a movie.

Mom, remember, you
said. Yes, uh, I know, but...

Well, your father and I promised
to play bridge with the morrisons...

Can't you play here?

No, we cannot!

Gee, nobody wants
to stay with me.

I just can't miss
this rehearsal.

Well, I can't possibly
miss this show.

Well, maybe we could
find somebody else.

We're not gonna
find anyone else...

Not with betty and bud here.

What's come over
this family, anyway?

No one cares a darn
about anyone else.

It's every man for himself.

Take care of your own interests,

The heck with everyone else.

Now, what kind
of a family is that?

I used to enjoy coming home.

No matter how rough
a day I had at the office,

I always knew I'd find comfort
and understanding here,

A little companionship.

Tonight I came home... Nothing.

You hardly knew I
was here, and why?

Because everyone
is only concerned

With his own petty,
little interests,

Neglecting duties
and everything else.

How has this happened?

Have you had so much
leeway you can't handle it?

Am I gonna have to become a...

A tyrant to keep you in line?

"Tyrant."

All right, if I have to
be a tyrant, I'll be one.

And if discipline has to
be enforced around here,

I'm just the fellow
who can do it.

And what's more?
I intend to do it.

Is that clear?!

Wh-what's a tyrant?

Well, if you don't know,
look at me... I'm one.

Gee, can that be?

"Tyrant..." Cruel master...

"One who imposes burdens...

And cruel punishments on..."

Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy!

No, no, no, kathy!
Don't walk... Oh, kathy!

Dear, oh, dear, I spent
hours waxing this floor,

And now just look at it!

Didn't I tell you to
stay out of here?

I forgot.

Well, just get up and...

Mommy, do you know
what daddy is? He's a cruel...

Please, please, kathy.

Just get up and let
me start all over again.

Now, you go on outside and play.

I don't have
anybody to play with.

Well, just go outside
then. I think bud's out there.

See what he's doing.

Are you trying to get rid of me?

Well, frankly, I am. I
wanna finish this job today.

Well, we're aren't gonna find a
first baseman sittin' around here.

Come on, let's go.

I'll carry 'em! No, you won't.

Let me be batboy!

Come on, squirt.
Give me the bats.

Let me go along
with you, please.

No. We got things to do, see.

We don't wanna have a little
brat like you taggin' along.

I spent all last night baby-sittin'
with you, and that's long enough.

Okay, squeegee,
hand the ball over!

No. If I can't go,
then you can't play.

Come on, come on!

Go chase it!

Bud!

I didn't do it, mom! She did!

Oh, kathy!

Just wait till dad gets home.

Are you gonna get
it! Don't tell him!

Kathy! Did you
break that window?

I cannot tell a lie.

Yeah, not with two
witnesses, you cannot.

Kathy, what's the
matter with you today?

I don't know what your father's
gonna say when he hears about this!

And you know the mood
he's in. Oh, he'll take you...

I'll handle this. You go
ahead and play your game.

You better come inside where
you won't get into any more mischief.

"Dost thou think,

"Though I am
caparisoned like a man,

"I have a doublet and
hose in my disposition?

One inch of delay..."

"One inch of delay more

"Is a south sea of discovery.

I prithee tell me
who is it quickly..."

It's only me!

I prithee, fair sister,
will thou please scram?!

I'm trying to learn this stuff.

Can I help learn you?
No, you bother me.

Now, go!

Leave!

"Of discovery."

"I prithee tell me who it is
quickly, and speak apace."

I would stammer...
Oh, that's wrong.

"I would thou could'st stammer,

"That thou mightst pour this
conceal'd man out of thy mouth,

"As wine comes out of a
narrow-mouth'd bottle...

"Either too much at
once or none at all.

I prithee take..."

Kathy!

Oh! My perfume!

Mommy!

Mommy, mommy, quick!
Oh, dear, what now?!

Look at her! My vanishing
cream all over her face!

I wanted to make
myself invisible.

Oh, kathy, kathy!

She spilled a bottle
of perfume, too.

My best perf...

Oh, there's father. Just you wait
till he hears what you've done.

Boy, are you gonna catch it!

Come back here,
you little fiend!

Hello, honey!

Father, you're gonna
have to do something

About that little
daughter of yours!

Really? I had the best
day at the office today.

Everything ran so smooth... Father,
I'm trying to tell you about kathy.

You know what the
dopey little brat did?

Uh, blew up the city hall?

Dad, did you hear
what kathy did?

Uh, stole the maple street bus.

Father, it's not funny.

No, I can see that it isn't.

All right, let's have it.

What did she do
that was so terrible?

Well, I was trying
to study my lines...

She grabbed the bats
and... Whoa, one at a time.

And then she grabbed my cold
cream jar... And broke a window!

Another one? Did she really?

Yes, I'm afraid it's true.

Uh-oh, little
pitchers have big ears.

Mom: kathy!

Kathy! Kathy!

Kathy!

Oh, honestly, jim. I don't know
what's gotten into her today.

It seems as though she actually
went out of her way all day

To get into mischief.

Yeah, she deliberately
threw this ball

Straight at the window.

All right, all right, son.

Okay, I'll go up and have a talk

With the young lady.

Bring me a list
of kathy's crime!

Tsk. "Vanishing cream,
breaking window,

Wax floors, perfume,
baseball bat..."

Kathy!

Do you have anything
to say for yourself

Before I pass sentence

And impose cruel punishment?

Please, mr. Tyrant, sir!

Your honor, all I did was...

Guilty! Women's
voices: guilty! Guilty!

Executioner!

Here, your royal tyrant-ness.

No, no, no!

Please, please don't do it!

Kathy, what is it? What's wrong?

Go away!

Why, kitten, what's the trouble?

Don't beat me! I
didn't do anything!

I'm not gonna beat you.

What's the matter
with you, anyway?

Now, you come out
from under there.

I... I won't!

Oh, come on.

What do you think I am? Some
kind of an ogre or something?

Yes!

Huh?

Go away! I want my mommy!

Margaret!

Margaret!

Margaret!

Margaret: yes, dear! What is it?

Maybe you can solve
this. I sure can't.

I've never seen
kathy like this before.

She's hiding under the bed.

She acts as though she's
actually afraid of me.

Oh, frank. She won't talk to me.

Practically threw me out.

What have I done
to deserve this?

I haven't even been around here.

Well, I don't know.

You'd better go in. She
wants you, certainly not me.

All of a sudden I'm
an ogre. All right.

Where would she
get an idea like that?

Somebody must've been pumping
her head full of a lot of nonsense.

Oh, honey. Come out from there.

Oh, honey, you look
like some sort of animal

Hiding under there.

Is daddy gone?

Oh, now, why are you
so worried about him?

Well, gosh, mommy, you
know what he is, don't you?

"What he is"...
What do you mean?

He even admitted it
at dinner last night.

He's a tyrant!

That's what he is, a tyrant!

Margaret: oh, I
see. So that's it.

Well, honey...

And I know what that means, too!

I looked it up!

He's cruel, and he's a master,

And he imposes cruel
punishments on little people!

Margaret: well, angel, you
have the right definition,

But I'm afraid you
have the wrong man.

He said... I know, but...

Well, I'm gonna let someone
else explain this to you.

You wait right there...

And stop being frightened.

Well, mr. Tyrant,

It looks as though your
chickens have come home to roost.

I think maybe you
better go in there

And straighten one of them out.

I know, I know.

You don't have to say any more.

Oh, don't do that, honey.
You make me feel awful.

Can't we declare a cease-fire?

Huh?

A cease-fire is where both
parties agree to stop fighting

And to talk things over.

Okay?

Okay...

Now, first I want you to forget
all about that tyrant business.

I'm sorry I said that.

I don't know for the life of me

Why I ever used
a word like that.

And second, I want you
to tell me why you, uh,

Kicked over the traces today.

Well, I guess I
wasn't very good.

I guess you weren't.

Why?

I... I don't know.

Well, suppose you tell
me what you did and...

And maybe we can
figure out the reason.

W-well...

First, I accidentally
walked on mommy's floor

Before it was dry.

Then she sent me
outdoors to play with bud.

But bud wouldn't play with me,

Wouldn't even let me go along
to watch him play baseball.

And after the window
sort of got broken...

I went inside, wanted to
help betty study her old play.

But she didn't want me around.

Nobody wanted me around!

Nobody cares about
me, not even a little bit!

Now, kathy, that isn't so.

Yes, it is!

Even last night nobody
wanted to stay home

And baby-sit with me!

I can't help it
'cause I'm still little!

I know, baby, don't cry.

Um... I'll try to explain.

When a family lives
together, they...

They can't be thinking about
each other every second.

They... They have
other interests, too.

And the other members of
the family have to respect that,

See?

Here's a good example.

You take yesterday when
I came home from work.

You were all busy
doing something.

You were running a spaceship.

You were all so busy that you...

Hardly even had time
to say hello to me.

Well, now, does that mean
that you don't love me?

Of course it doesn't!

It just means that...

Wait a minute.

Huh!

How dumb can you be!

What's the matter?

You're really your
father's daughter, aren't you!

We're both alike.

Look, when I came home yesterday
and no one paid any attention to me,

I was childish enough
to start pouting!

And I wound up
scaring little children

By declaring I was a tyrant.

But I didn't scare
any little children.

No, but...

Well, when no one paid
any attention to you,

You, well, you
terrorized the big people.

Anyway, it looks as though
I should be punished, too.

Right?

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

If you're thinking
what I'm thinking, I am.

Oh, father's been up
there an awful long time.

Yeah.

M-maybe we shouldn't
have laid it on quite so thick.

After all, kathy's
not such a bad kid.

She just seems that way.

Sometimes she gets in
your hair, but she's really...

Oh, gee, I hope father
isn't too rough on her.

This awful mood
he's been in lately!

Wish now I'd have
treated kathy better.

You know, we ought to
treat her better than we do.

We ought to treat
everyone better...

Instead of always thinking of
our own selfish little interests.

You know, from now
on... Kathy: daddy, no!

Betty, don't let him get me!

Don't worry, kathy.

Yeah, we're with you, kid.

Where is she? Where's
that bad little girl?

You listen to me, father.

She's our sister, and you're
not gonna lay a hand on her!

Yeah, not gonna
lay a hand on her!

Huh?

Hey, don't talk mean to him!

He's my tiger!

Come on, tiger. Get down.

Come on, tiger. Nice, tiger.

Mommy, could I get a
pan of milk for my tiger?

Oh, I think so.

In fact, I'm glad to
see he wants milk now,

Instead of raw meat.

Good morning, betty.

Good morning, princess.

Oh, good morning, son!

Oh, good morning to you, kitten.

You can't see me. I'm invisible.

Oh. Sorry.

You didn't really expect
things to change, did you?

No, I'm learning.

But I've been thinking, too.

Honey, do you know
what a family is?

No, I don't.

Neither do i, but I'm
sure glad I have one.

♪♪