04x08 - Mr. Right

[bunniefuu]

♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there
ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love
each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Well, after today's
victory, Alex,

I've beaten you
58 games in a row.

What do you have to say
about that?

All right,
you got the momentum.

Momentum? Alex, I blocked
every shot you took.

Maybe that was my strategy.

Huh?
You ever think of that?

Maybe I wanted you to win
58 games in a row.

That way, you get overconfident,
start getting sloppy.

Then I make my move.

Let's face it, Alex,

we could play
a hundred more games

and I'll beat you
every time.

And you know why?

Because I am a better player
than you are.

I'm quicker,
I'm a better rebounder,

and I'm tougher.

I'm telling. Ma!

Hey, Jenny,
what's shaking, huh?

Hey, Alex,
how my little friend?

I'm fine, I'm fine, Nick.

And, uh... And I'm not
your little friend.

Oh, hey, sorry, man.
Ow.

Mallory!

Hey, Mallory!

Hi.

Hey, babe.

Where you been?

Uh, nowhere.

What's happenin'?

Uh, nothing, you know.
What you been doin'?

Stuff.
Where are we goin'?

Around. Someplace.

The "McNeil/Lehrer report"
will be right back.

Alex, do you mind?

This conversation
does not involve you.

And for that,
I am eternally grateful.

Well, I'd love to sit around
and grunt with you two, but...

I got to get going.

Hey, come on. I'm starvin'.
You ready to go?

Oh, Nick,
I forgot to tell you,

I can't go out tonight.
I have to go out to dinner

with my parents
at the lobster pot.

Why don't you
come with us?

Oh, what?
Are you kidding?

You know your folks
don't want me along for dinner.

They're still upset
about last time.

Oh, right.

I don't know
what the big deal was.

They got all upset
about how I was dressed.

You know, I wore a tie.

But you didn't wear
a shirt.

I didn't want to
spill nothin' on it.

Hey, come along, anyway.

I think my parents are
really getting to like you.

Oh, yeah.

So, why can't they say my name
without gritting their teeth?

"Hello, Nick.

Good to see you."

They don't.

They stopped doing that.

Hi, mom.
Hi, dad.

Hi, Mal.

Look who's here.

Hello, Nick.

Um, I-i invited Nick
along for dinner.

I hope that's okay.

I... That's great.

Mom, I don't know
what you're so upset about.

Nick was just doing
what he thought was right.

Mallory, when they brought
around the lobster t*nk,

Nick was supposed to just
pick one for his dinner,

not set them all free.

Nick's an artist.
He's... He's sensitive.

He couldn't stand
to see lobsters

cooped up like criminals,
so he let them go.

Hey, Mr. Keaton,
I'm sorry.

Like I said, you know,
I just got carried away.

Anyway, I told you
I'd pay you back.

I got
40 lobsters in here, Nick.

I don't need money.
I need recipes.

Steven, what are we gonna do
with all of these?

I don't know. Look,
let's just take them upstairs

And put them in the bathtub
until we figure out

something to do.
That's good.

They'll probably want to freshen up
after the long ride home.

Mallory, I'm about to give up
on your parents.

You know, everything I do
around them turns out bad.

I let the lobsters go.
They get upset.

They're so unpredictable.

Why does this kind of thing
always have to happen?

I'm sorry.

No, forget it.
Forget it.

I'm gonna go change.
I'll be down in a minute.

This guy tried
to make a break for it.

I wrestled him
to the ground.

Well, why don't you
let him go, Alex?

He looks so sad.

No, no, Nick,
he's fine, really.

He wasn't trying
to run away.

He just wanted to grab
a quick smoke.

Hey, um, Alex,

uh, can I talk to you
for a minute?

I got a little problem,
and I-I think you can help.

Well, sure, Nick,
I'm always here for you.

What is it?
And make it quick.

Look, like, I'm always
getting in trouble

around your parents.

I mean, it really
upsets Mallory,

and I don't want to put her
through it anymore.

So you got to help me.

I got to be more acceptable
to your parents,

but I don't know how.

Well, what do you
want me to do, Nick?

Well, um, show me
how to fit in, you know?

Show me...
How to be like you.

Well, Nick...

...it isn't that easy.

I mean, if it was,
everybody would be doing it.

Hey, come on, Alex.

You know,
show me what's wrong with me.

And how can I fix it?

Nick, Nick, Nick,
Nick, Nick...

I wouldn't know
where to start.

Uh, just pick a place.

All right, okay.

Let's start
with the way you talk.

When... When you walk
into a room

and everybody says hello,
what do you say?

Hey.

What is that?

Well, it's my hello.

Well, then just say hello.

Hello, Alex.

Hey, that's a start.
Okay, you got, uh...

You got the words
right, anyway.

Okay, listen, if you
want to fit in here at all

you got to learn to make
normal conversation, okay?

No more
monosyllabic grunts.

Huh?

No.

No. No more.
See, you...

You got to know things,

you got to read
the newspaper,

you got to get a job.

You have got to change,
Nick.

- I do, huh?
- That's right.

That's right. If you want to fit in
around here, Nick,

you got to look like me,
you got to act like me,

you got to talk like me,
you got to be another me.

Okay. I'll do it.

I'll do it
because I love Mallory.

Why do you do it?

Sweet boy.
Yes, you are.

And a very good boy.

A good, sweet, sweet,
gorgeous boy.

And you're a smart boy.

Yes, you're a very,
very smart, smart boy.

Yes, you are.

Mom...
You're doing it again.

What's that?

You're creating
another Alex.

And you must be
stopped.

I got it.

Hello, Alex.

How are you today?

How are you?

Who are you?

Hey, don't you remember
our little talk?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

I didn't think you would.

You, uh...
This... This is great.

Uh, mom, Jen...

Guess who.

Nick? Nick?

Hello, Mrs. Keaton,

Jennifer.

A lovely evening,
wouldn't you say?

Yes. Yes.

Uh, I am afraid
I am a bit tardy.

Mallory must be
waiting for me.

Indeed, she is.

Allow me to
call her for you.

I would be obliged.

Oh, Mallory!

I say, Mallory...

Nick is here.

Mallory: coming!

Okay, where is he?

Hey, Mallory. Over here.
It's me, Nick.

Whoa.

Nick?
Yeah.

What happened to you?

What do you mean,
what happened to me?

You look ridiculous.

You, uh...

You look...
You look like Alex.

Nick,
how did you get here?

I mean, I-I didn't
hear your motorcycle.

Oh, I sold it.
I-I took the bus here.

I find public transportation
in this community

to be
clean and efficient.

Has your experience
been similar?

Um...

Yeah.

Oh, and,
uh, additionally,

I got a job
at Gleason Brothers Shoes.

Currently, I am
in the stockroom,

but I hope to be
elevated to sales,

one day.

C-c-can I...
Can I talk to Nick alone?

Uh, that's okay, we were
on our way upstairs, anyway...

Uh, make sure none
of the lobsters escaped.

Yeah, we, uh... We think
they're digging a tunnel.

Nick, what's going on?

Hey, come on, Mallory,
I know it seems weird,

but it's very important to me
to win your parents' respect.

Why?

Well, if they don't respect me,
it upsets you, you know?

So I made a few changes.

But it's not really you.

Please, Mallory, I'm doing
this because I love you.

Well, I guess
that's a good reason.

Hey, let's celebrate, huh?

Come on, I want to take you out
to dinner, all right?

Oh, okay, let's go.

Uh, but, uh,

you aren't gonna go out
dressed like that, are you?

Oh, uh...

I guess I am
a little underdressed

to go out with you now.

- I'll go change.
- All right.

How do you do?
I'm Steven Keaton.

Hey, uh, Mr. Keaton,
it's me - Nick.

Hey.

Nick!

It is you.

Hey, hey.
What'd I tell ya, huh?

Oh, uh, you know,

I've been meaning to strike up
this conversation with you

for some time.

You know, scientists say

that the Earth
is going to self-destruct

within two billion years.

Now, what can we
as citizens do?

Lobster again?

Come on, Jennifer.
You love it.

But this is
the fourth time this week.

I'm starting to grow
claws.

Doing something
a little different tonight.

Lobster dogs.

Hi, honey, I'm home.

Oh, hi.
How did your meeting go?

Well, the Wallaces approved
my plans for the new addition

to their house.

Oh, great.
Oh, by the way, Elyse,

uh, I thought I'd invite
Nick to dinner tonight.

Again?

Can't we have one dinner
this week without Nick?

Yeah, we could,
but what's the point?

I don't know.

Just this new Nick
makes me uncomfortable.

Well, I kind of like
new Nick.

He's got a job,
he dresses nicely,

he's up on current events.

I agree with dad.

Come on.
This new Nick is a dream.

He, uh... He speaks
in complete sentences.

He walks erect.

He doesn't drool.

He's too good
for Mallory.

Hey, Nick.

How's the shoe business
going?

Oh, fine.

Let's say I'm just
taking it one step at a time.

I got some big news today.
I was promoted.

I am out of the stockroom
and into sales.

Am I dreaming?
Pinch me.

That's great.
That's great, Nick.

Congratulations.
After only two weeks.

Before I forget, I got
a little something for you.

Oh, Nick, you didn't
have to bring me these.

That's very nice of you.

Hey, it's okay.
They're defective.

Just wear a couple pair
of socks with them.

Nick,
we'd better get going,

we're gonna be late
for the art show.

Uh, Mallory,
I think, uh, I would rather

spend some time
with your family.

You know, we don't
have to go out every night.

We haven't been out
any night in two weeks.

Mallory,
I am a working man now.

You know, it would be
irresponsible for me to go.

I have to be fresh for that
shoe store in the morning.

You understand, don't you?

Okay, sure.

Therefore, rubber soles
are far more superior

than the traditional
leather bottoms.

They're more durable,

they last longer.

You know, and best of all,
they don't wear out.

And don't let anybody else
try to tell you different.

Don't let anybody else
try to tell you different.

What? Right.

Nick, come on.
Let's go out.

Let's go to a movie
or something.

Uh, Mallory,
i-it's getting a little late.

I don't think
your parents would approve.

Nick, it's 7:15,

Andrew, Andrew is still up.

You know,
speaking of Andrew,

has he started
to wear baby shoes yet?

Mr. Keaton,
let's talk baby shoes.

No, no, no.

You...
You kids go out.

You have a good time.
We insist.

Yes, please.
Go now.

We'll keep talking
about shoes.

I swear.

Uh, that's okay,
Mrs. Keaton.

We'll stay here with you.

Oh, great.

Okay, well, I believe you were
telling us about rubber soles.

Yes, uh,
now, as I was say...

I don't want to stay
here, Nick!

We never do
anything anymore!

We never go anywhere!

I feel like we haven't
really talked in weeks!

Mallory,
keep your voice down.

Can't you see these people
are trying to sleep?

No, don't.

You're doing all this
for my dad to like you.

I don't like you
anymore.

Oh, you don't mean that.

I do!

You've got a job you hate,

you've given up your art.

You're not
the same person anymore.

You're not Nick.

Hey, I'm Nick.

Look, I'll show you,

I'll do you one of my heys.

Hey.

Hey.

Look, just give it time.

You'll get used to it,
Mallory.

I don't want to
get used to this, Nick.

Mallory...

Why don't
you just go home?

Okay.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

You don't have to pretend
you're asleep. Nick's gone.

All right,
we weren't sleeping.

Yeah, we all admit it,
we were all awake.

How could we sleep when
you're so obviously upset?

Moore! Come here.

Oh, yes, Mr. Gleason.

I've told you
a thousand times -

push the elite petites,
not the slinky sphinx.

I have 600 gross
of elite petites back there

and you're pushing
the slinky sphinx?

What's wrong with you,
Moore?

I thought she looked better
in the slinky sphinx.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.
I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.

You want to know who's sorry?
Mr. Gleason is sorry!

Push the elite petites.

Get busy, Moore.

Yes, Mr. Gleason.

Hey, Mr. Keaton.
Good to see you.

Hello, Nick.
Hey, guess what.

This is where I work.

Uh, I'm aware of that, Nick.
Uh, look, I came down here...

Young man,
you were helping me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, no, I want...

Hey, hey!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

I can only handle
one person at a time.

Now, this man was in line
outside the store

before we opened up
this morning.

Okay,
but I'm next.

Nick, I came down here
to talk to you.

Oh, so, what kind of shoe
did you have in mind, sir?

I haven't had a chance
to look around.

You'll love
the elite petite.

No!

Mr. Moore, no. The elite
petite's a woman's shoe.

That's fine with me,
just fine.

Oh.

Oh.
No, no, no.

No, no.
Oh, no, no, no.

Moore, uh,
get this gentlemen

a pair of elite petites.
Uh, size?

13.

Yes, Mr. Gleason.

We carry stockings,
also.

Moore!
Can't you do anything right?

Uh, I'm sorry,
Mr. Gleason.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.
I'm sorry, Mr. Gleason.

You want to know
who's sorry?!

Uh...Mr. Gleason?

That's right.

Get busy and clean this up
and get back to work!

Uh, yes,
Mr. Gleason.

Nick, what are you doing?

Uh, I'm putting these boxes
back on the shelf.

No, no. I mean,
what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm putting these boxes
back on the shelf.

No.
No, no, no.

You misunderstood.

What is someone like you

doing
in a store like this?

I'm putting these boxes
back on the shelf.

Nick, we're
at a standstill.

Look, look,
what I'm saying is,

I know you took this job
just for my sake.

And I know that's why
you changed your appearance

and gave up your art.

Oh, no, not at all.

I-I like shoes
much more than art.

Moore, get this cleaned up
and get back to work!

Right away,
Mr. Gleason.

Get busy, Moore,
and I mean now!

Look at you, Nick.
You're miserable.

Don't do this to yourself.

All right,
so I'm miserable.

You know, I'd rather it be
that I'm miserable than Mallory.

I mean, she was miserable when
I didn't get along with you.

She's miserable now, Nick.

She wants you back
the way you were.

Who do you like better,
the old me or the new me?

Is there a third choice?

I don't think so.

Look, Nick...

Whatever
our problems are,

we can work them out.

Our relationship

has to be based
on mutual trust...

And respect.

I love what you tried
to do for me, but...

But it was wrong, Nick.

Don't change for me.

I'll get those
stockings for you.

It's on me.

Hi, honey.

Hi, mom. Hi, Alex.

See what love can do?

This girl is demolished,
and it's all because of Nick.

I would really appreciate

if you would not
mention his name.

I don't want to hear
the name Nick anymore.

Sure. Sure, Mal.

I understand.

Ooh, this knickknack
is nicked.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help it.

Can you pass me
the sports page?

I want to see
how the Knicks are doing.

Nick: Mallory!

Hey, Mallory!

Nick?

Nick?

Hey!

Hi!

Oh, no, no.

No, Nick.
What did you do?

Hey, Alex.

Oh, Nick,
we were doing so well.

Hey, I'm sorry,
my little friend, you know,

but the old Nick is back.

You should've seen this guy.
He pulled me aside

and told me
what I was doing was wrong.

I mean, he was so passionate.
It was beautiful.

Oh, that reminds me,
Elyse,

I've got some
stockings for you.

Why?

I'll explain later.

Hey, uh, thanks,
Mr. Keaton.

I mean, you showed me
the error of my ways.

I mean, he knew
I didn't need a job.

That's not exactly
the moral here, Nick.

I know, but, you know, I was
just trying to make you think

that I was good enough
for your daughter.

And it didn't work.

I mean, I lost her
and I gained Alex,

and that's no good.

Well, I'll put on
a pot of coffee.

And I just baked a batch
of lobster-chip cookies.

Ah.

Hey, uh, look, Mallory,
I'm sorry if I hurt you,

But, uh, all I know is
I did it for you.

I don't want any other Nick.
I just want you.

Hey.
Hey.