06x09 - Bah Humboldt
Posted: 09/07/22 10:01
The book we're talking about is
"Murphy Brown: The Tragic Untold Story."
So tell us
While you were writing this biography
What did you find out about Murphy?
Well, sadly,
I found her to be a deeply conflicted
deeply disturbed woman.
Really?
How so?
Where shall I start?
Well...
Look at the name
she chose for her son.
Avery?
Yes.
She named him after her mother.
a woman.
Clearly expressing a desire
that her boy be a girl.
to me this reflects a confusion
over her own sexual identity.
That's very interesting.
You're not suggesting
that Murphy might secretly
be a transsexual?
Well, I wasn't able to
get her medical records.
But it wouldn't surprise me
if they showed some
chromosomal abnormalities.
But keep in mind
We are dealing with
a delusional,
manic-depressive sociopath
with eating disorders.
And you're basing that on?
Her handwriting.
And her table manners.
Very telling.
Well, there you have it.
Murphy Brown:
The Tragic Untold Story.
And Murphy,
If you are watching at home,
please, please,
get some help.
Or please come on the show
and share your pain with us.
And that's exactly why
I don't want to do one of those books.
You're just setting yourself up
for public humiliation.
You don't know that Murphy.
It sounds to me like this guy
wants to write a perfectly legitimate
biography of you.
Well, of course,
he's going to
sound legitimate
in his letter, Frank.
That's how these guys
gain your trust.
So you give them
free access to your life.
and then one day you come
home and find them bouncing
up and down on your bed
wearing a pair of your underpants
as a hat.
Sure, that's one of the risks.
Come on!
This is Marshall Corwin
we're talking about here.
He wrote that new biography
of Robert Oppenheimer
Father of the Atom b*mb.
Excellent book.
Smart book.
Have you read it?
Really thick book.
Listen, thanks for your advice guys,
but you know how I feel.
A journalist should report the story
not be the story.
The fact is the public likes knowing
something personal
about the people
who bring them their news.
It humanizes them.
Makes them more approachable.
Oh, yeah, that's just what I need.
More approachable.
Like people don't already feel
comfortable enough
coming up to me on the street
to tell me I look bonier in person.
Murph
Somebody's going to write a book about you
sooner or later.
Whether you consent to it or not.
At least this way
you've got a little input
as to how it turns out.
I don't know.
Jim, you've been awfully quiet.
What do you think I should do?
I understand your reluctance, Murphy.
Folks of this ilk always
strike me as a trifle undignified.
That's why I've turned down offers.
Many offers.
Tempting offers.
Of course,
Walter Cronkite's delightful
little confessional hit the stands
and lo and behold, apparently
all my best stories
happened to Walter
and not to me.
Oh, the most trusted man in America--
my Aunt Fanny!
You watch what you say
when you're at his dinner table.
and if he offers you a cocktail
to loosen you up, ooh-ho-ho...
Jim, Jim, Jim,
I'm double parked.
Yes or no?
Do it, Murphy.
Do it before the jackals
find a way to steal your life, too.
Hi.
Marshall Corwin?
Murphy Brown,
thanks for meeting with me.
Oh, it's a pleasure.
You've done some very impressive work.
Especially that Oppenheimer biography.
Oh, you read that, did you?
Well...
No, of you didn't.
It was too long.
I told my editor-- Cut me.
Cut me till I bleed.
But did she listen? No.
Oh, who cares?
It was on the bestseller list for weeks.
And it would have gone
on , weeks easy
But another one of those damn
Garfield books came out.
What do you think?
Have you succumbed
to my charms yet.
Are you going to
let me do the book?
Wow, you're a peppy guy,
aren't you?
Well, why shouldn't I be?
I'm in the presence of a news legend.
Whose life story demands to be written.
I'm very flattered, Marshall.
But I have to be straight with you.
I don't know if I ...
You don't know if you want
to have this book written at all, right?
I know, and I can tell you why.
You don't need the publicity.
You don't want your privacy invaded.
You're afraid it might be a hatchet job
And you don't feel it's the place
of a journalist to be the story.
Wow! That's...
That's pretty much it in a nutshell.
I was right?
This is so exciting.
You know, you have a hunch,
you take a shot,
you try to get in your subject's mind.
but, before you
all my subjects have been dead.
You're a real character, Marshall.
So you're saying that I'm going
to be able to do the book.
No, I'm saying that you're
a real character, Marshall.
So, we both know the reasons
why I shouldn't cooperate with the book.
But I still don't know...
Any compelling reasons why you should
Boy, you live ones are tough.
Let me just put it this way.
For you, the book
is not so much an indulgence
as it is an obligation.
And how do you figure that?
The kids.
What sort of role models are there
for kids coming up today
in broadcast journalism?
The people who pass
for reporters
on Hard Copy and Current Affair?
You were the first person
who interviewed Nixon
after his resignation.
You were the one who
brought the S & L scandal
to national attention.
You, Murphy Brown,
You're someone who,
in a different era,
would have been referred to
as a real broad.
A gutsy, hard hitting woman
who entered the male-dominated
field of television journalism
and rose to the top
without making any compromises.
That's the story I want to tell.
Well, you're not trying to snow me
and I respect that.
So, what do you say?
I don't know.
You're asking me to
put my trust in you.
That's not something
I do easily.
I mean, you're looking
at someone who
marks the inside of
the ice cream containers
before the cleaning
lady comes.
I understand your fears.
I can't dismiss them.
But I can promise you
that whatever I write
will be fair, honest and unbiased.
Yeah, well, that still doesn't
make you want to see
your life dissected
on Sally Jesse Raphael.
Who's Sally Jesse Raphael?
Congratulations, Marshall.
You've got yourself a book.
The deadline pressure was intense.
And as a female, I knew
I had to do twice as well as a guy
to get any respect.
Then I found out that the hotshot
at the desk next to me
was going after the same story.
So I did the only thing I could.
I marched into the school library
and checked out
all five copies of
Tom Edison: Boy Genius.
That little weasel was stuck
doing his report on
Squanto: The First Thanksgiving.
You getting all this, Marshall?
Oh, every word.
But I think I'm going to have to
run down to Radio Shack
and get some more cassettes.
I'm guessing my -pack
won't even get us to puberty.
October , .
But we'll get to that.
I can't wait.
You know, I do have to
check with my editor, though.
Oh, here, why don't
you use my phone?
Then when you get back
we can move on to the th grade.
Let's see. Won a
Jell-o slurping contest
and bloodied
Bobby Zorwell's nose.
That was a big year.
Hey, guys.
Friendly piece of advice--
Get someone to write
a book about you
This is so great.
I'm remembering things
I haven't thought about in years.
Unless I miss my guess,
This is Murphy's way of thanking us
for convincing her to do the book.
Of course, being Murphy,
she's managed to do that without
using the words "thank" or "you"
That is where you're wrong, Frank.
Thank you.
Thank you all.
Oh, my God!
She said it!
Murphy said "Thank you!"
I win.
I had the s in the office pool.
Yes!
Good news, Ms. Brown.
My editor's cleared me
for another pages.
That means your
great grandfather O'Casey's
struggle against the
tweed barons has a chance.
Say, since I'm in the office,
Would you mind if I took a little time
to talk to some of your peers?
Sure, assuming you can find any.
Ha, ha, ha!
I'm just kidding.
These guys would be happy
to talk to you.
Right, guys?
All:
Absolutely.
Okay.
Why don't I just run over to Phil's
grab some lunch and
let you do a little work?
That way, you'll
feel free to say whatever you want.
Just remember, anyone using
the words "dazzling", "brilliant"
and "insightful" in the same sentence
will not be disappointed
come Christmastime.
Well, thank you.
Thank you for taking
the time to talk to me.
You know, in the few days
I've spent with Murphy,
A couple of things
have made themselves
glaringly obvious.
She is the world's safest driver
and she has the finest singing voice
East of the Mississippi.
(laughing)
(all laughing)
That was an ice breaker.
I heard laughing.
Laughing is good.
As are the words
"dazzling", "brilliant" and "insightful."
Bye.
Well...
What qualities would you say
make Murphy the journalist she is?
Why don't I just start?
Since I've known Murph the longest
and probably know her the best.
I think
what makes her so good
is that she's tough.
Yes.
Definitely.
Oh, yes, the woman
has the tenacity
of a pit bull.
Well, that's pretty tough.
Oh, yeah.
You get in Murphy's way
when she's chasing a story
She'll run you down.
Then she'll back over you,
Just to make sure you're dead.
Good and dead.
Oh, yeah. She is tough.
But not too tough.
Not too tough?
No, but not...
un-tough.
Just the
right amount of tough.
Normal tough.
Right, guys?
(all agreeing)
Well, for the sake of time,
we'll just say tough.
Well, what was your first impression
of Murphy, when you met her?
My first impression of Murphy
was that she carried herself
with a lot of confidence.
Which really impressed me
because I was just this
wide-eyed girl from Louisiana
You can imagine my amazement
when I saw Murphy
firing her third secretary that week.
Three secretaries.
Boy, must have been some week.
Are you kidding?
That's...
something you should
ask Frank about.
He has known her the longest.
Probably knows her the best.
Uh...
I wasn't here that day.
But you know,
I really
don't think you're getting the full picture.
I mean there are
so many aspects about Murphy
we haven't told you about yet.
Oh, yes, many.
Such as?
Her hair.
Oh, my. Yes.
She can arrange it
in any number of ways.
And let's not forget her fun side.
Yes.
Good.
By all means,
let's hear about it.
That woman knows
how to enjoy life.
Take the Republican
Convention in Detroit.
in Detroit. Oh, man.
That was one wild week.
Murphy gets to the airport
around midnight.
Goes directly to the VIP
party at the Sheraton
after about an hour...
No. Wait. No, no.
I'm wrong.
That wasn't Murphy.
That was...
um, Connie Chung.
Murphy doesn't have
a fun side.
Well, uh...
Just to shift gears a bit.
How does Murphy
react to criticism?
How'd it go?
(all talking)
I'm just reading through
some of my old journals.
This one's from the summer
I interned with Eric Severeid.
Listen to this--
August , .
Snuck onto the set after
everyone had gone home.
Sat in Mr. Severeid's chair
and did my own version
of the commentary.
memo to myself--
next time make sure
the boss's car has
left the parking lot.
Start looking for new internship.
Put fish in Severeid's trunk.
Ha, ha, ha.
That was cute.
Adorable...
We don't think you should do the book.
What?
What are you talking about?
I think what Jim
is trying to say is that
maybe now is
not the best time
to do a biography
on Murphy Brown.
Oh.
And when would be a good time?
When you're dead.
When I'm dead.
When we're all dead.
When anyone who might possibly
want to read this book is dead.
That would be a good time.
There you go.
Well, this is just great.
One day you're
telling me do this.
The next thing, you're telling me don't.
Throw in a bunch
of half eaten Big Macs
and George Stephanopoulos
bragging about how
chicks dig his hair
and I'd swear I was in
a White House Staff meeting.
Murphy,
we had no idea
he was going to be asking us
all sorts of loaded questions.
Like what?
Like what kind of person you are.
What it's like working with you?
What were we supposed to tell him?
Well, how about the truth?
Geez, we're talking about me here.
Not Ike Turner.
The truth is good in theory, Murphy.
But it's a little different
when you start picturing
how these things will look
in black and white.
Remember that time you threw
that coffee mug at my head?
Oh, how we all laughed about that.
Yet, in print,
that gesture might lose
some of its whimsical charm.
Oh, come on,
I missed, didn't I?
Unfortunately, Slugger,
there were a lot of stories
where you didn't miss.
Murph, you don't know what it's like.
You think because we
interview people all the time
we'd know exactly what to say.
But then, you hear yourself
answering more that you should.
Things start to slip out.
Things like the convention story.
How would you feel about
seeing that in print?
Well, I think, put in the
appropriate context,
given the proper spin,
told with the right amount of humor.
I'd be fine with seeing
the convention story in print.
You didn't tell him the
convention story, did you?
No. And that's the point.
It was three hours
of not telling stories about you.
Just think what it's going to be like
when Marshall interviews other people.
People who don't love you.
People who don't care about you.
People who aren't afraid of you.
You know, you guys
are something else.
I mean, sure Marshall might
come across a few people
with a score to settle.
And yes, I've done
a couple of things
I might not do again.
But don't you think I took
all that into consideration
when I decided to do this?
I have no intention of
pulling out of this book.
I'm proud of my life
and what I've accomplished.
I have nothing
to be ashamed of.
What kind of journalist
is Murphy Brown?
She's thorough,
resourceful, articulate.
And when it comes to a
one-on-one interview
she's almost as good as I am.
Almost.
Murphy's an outstanding reporter.
She's got a good nose for a story,
and she's very aggressive.
Very competitive.
She's very competitive.
She's brutally competitive at times.
Competitive?
Try vicious.
The Soviet Union was collapsing
and we found ourselves
on the same flight to Moscow
going after an exclusive interview
with Gorbachev.
When we landed, she told
the airport security guard I was
smuggling in blue jeans
and Michael Jackson tapes.
She got Gorbachev.
And I got a guard named
Mikolai with cold hands
and a bad attitude.
I made the mistake once
of doosing off next to her
on the press bus during
the Mondale campaign.
And when I woke up
my taped interview
with Geraldine Ferraro
had mysteriously
turned into two hours
of Forrest Sawyer
and Britt Hume
playing license plate bingo.
She'll do anything
for an interview.
She once offered
Lech Welensa free use
of her Martha's
Vineyard beachhouse.
Of course,
she doesn't have
a Martha's Vineyard
beach house.
Which is why my
grandchildren
walked into our place
to find the leader of solidarity
boiling lobsters
wearing nothing but
my "Kiss the Cook" apron.
I saw her push a nun once.
I'd beaten Murphy out on
three stories in a row,
so she wasn't speaking to me.
Then I got an interview
with Aretha Franklin.
Suddenly, Murphy's
my best friend.
She asked me for
Aretha's home phone number
and foolishly
I gave it to her.
And guess what?
I haven't heard
from Murphy since.
Which, if you know Murphy,
is a blessing.
But I sure heard from Aretha.
I'm sorry but
I made it a policy
never to discuss
my colleagues.
I'm sure you understand.
I wouldn't give her an interview
during the Bork hearings.
She had pizzas
delivered to my house
every hour on the hour.
for three straight days.
I wouldn't give
her an interview
during the
Clarence Thomas hearings
and she had Chinese food
delivered to my house
every hour on the hour
for three straight days.
I saw her push a nun once.
My wife and I shared
a table with her
at a White House dinner
in the early s.
When Elizabeth and I
got up to dance
She ate both our sherbets.
Of course, she denied it.
Which was pretty shameless
considering how orange
her tongue was.
Nancy Reagan once told me
that they wouldn't have had to
replace the White House china
If Murphy didn't have
such a big purse.
Her personal life?
Oh boy, where do you begin?
No, I mean it.
I don't want to talk about her.
I admire how she's
turned her life around.
But in the old days...
How should I put this?
Let's just say,
Murphy never missed
a trip to the punch bowl.
It was hard to get close
to Murphy back then.
I mean, let's face it.
There was a time
when her three
best friends were
Jim Beam, Johnny Walker
and Old Granddad.
I remember one
St. Patrick's Day party
She became convinced that
Ted Koppel was a leprechaun.
She spent the entire everning
following him around
trying to rub his head for luck.
If there's one thing
you learn in this business
It's that you don't
mess with Koppel's hair.
I saw her
push a nun once.
I will not talk about her.
You don't know
what she's like.
She's vindictive.
She'll do things.
You can try a restraining order.
You can try moving.
But she always finds you.
I can't put my family
through that again.
Well, I don't like to judge people,
but the woman's done a few things
that would make me blush.
and I was in the service.
I'm sure you heard about her behavior
at the Republican Convention.
I can barely hear
the name Murphy Brown
without thinking about the
Republican Convention.
but I really don't think it's appropriate
to go into to that.
And then, there's
the convention story.
Has anyone else
brought that up?
The convention story?
Um, it's really not my place
to discuss that.
Oh, yes, the convention story.
Well, as a gentleman,
it's not a story
I feel comfortable telling.
But then again,
she always says the public
has a right to know.
How much tape do you have there...
there... there... there...
It's one thing to have
led a colorful life.
It's another to realize that
your kid's going to be old
enough to read about it someday.
I can't do this book.
What was I thinking?
Would you tell me that?
You know, I am not buying
this silence routine.
I bet you can talk.
I'm guessing,
I leave here in the morning,
you and Eldin have
a cup of coffee,
read the paper,
and just chat till I get home.
Am I right?
Oh!
Oh, it's you.
You know, ever since
we started watching
Dalmatians,
I've been having these dreams
that Cruella DeVille comes
and takes him away.
And at this time of night.
I must admit
there's a reather unsettling resemblence
I've got some painting
I have to finish.
Good night there, little man.
Eldin, wait.
Wait.
You know,
This isn't the easiest
thing for me
to talk about, but
um, well, listen
you've done some
things in your life, you're not
exactly proud of, right.
Look, if you're talking about
that pair of pantyhose,
I only borrowed them.
To strain a can of
very lumpy paint.
And I can't believe
you were still wearing them anyway.
The entire left foot was gone.
Forget the pantyhose.
I'm talking about life choices.
You know, things you
might have said or done.
or imbibed, when you were younger.
Things you might
not be so proud of now.
Well, look, I'm not going to tell you
that I'm thrilled with
everything I've ever done.
But, uh,
The way I look at it,
If you don't look back
with some regrets,
It probably wasn't that much
of a life to begin with anyway.
Yeah, well, that's
easy for you to say.
You weren't stupid enough
to agree to a biography.
You're kid's not going
to be standing around at recess
while his friends ask
if they can come over
and see his mother do
what's described on page .
Look,
It's am.
and little Avery's not the only one
losing interest with this conversation.
So, let me review
it this far.
If you do your job right,
Avery's not going to
have to read some book
to decide whether
or not he likes you.
I guess you have a point.
Besides, at a certain age
kid's think everthing
their parent do is stupid.
And in your case,
forget about it.
Mike.
It's Murphy.
I know. I know.
I'm sorry to wake you up.
I just wanted to tell you.
A guy is going to be calling you.
He's doing a book on me.
He has my full cooperation.
So just feel free to tell him
whatever you want.
Um...
But if you should happen to
forget the convention story.
I'll make sure that
tape of you singing
"I enjoy being a girl"
on the press bus
never sees the light of day.
Okay. Great, thanks.
Go back to sleep.
Leslie?
Hi.
I know. It's late.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to tell you
there's a guy who's
going to be calling you.
He's doing a book on me.
But he has my full cooperation.
I know you're there, Morley.
Pick up the phone.
Don't test me, Morley.
I can wait all night.
Morley?
If you don't pick up the phone,
I'm going to start singing.
Morley, hi!
I'm sorry. I know. It's late.
"Murphy Brown: The Tragic Untold Story."
So tell us
While you were writing this biography
What did you find out about Murphy?
Well, sadly,
I found her to be a deeply conflicted
deeply disturbed woman.
Really?
How so?
Where shall I start?
Well...
Look at the name
she chose for her son.
Avery?
Yes.
She named him after her mother.
a woman.
Clearly expressing a desire
that her boy be a girl.
to me this reflects a confusion
over her own sexual identity.
That's very interesting.
You're not suggesting
that Murphy might secretly
be a transsexual?
Well, I wasn't able to
get her medical records.
But it wouldn't surprise me
if they showed some
chromosomal abnormalities.
But keep in mind
We are dealing with
a delusional,
manic-depressive sociopath
with eating disorders.
And you're basing that on?
Her handwriting.
And her table manners.
Very telling.
Well, there you have it.
Murphy Brown:
The Tragic Untold Story.
And Murphy,
If you are watching at home,
please, please,
get some help.
Or please come on the show
and share your pain with us.
And that's exactly why
I don't want to do one of those books.
You're just setting yourself up
for public humiliation.
You don't know that Murphy.
It sounds to me like this guy
wants to write a perfectly legitimate
biography of you.
Well, of course,
he's going to
sound legitimate
in his letter, Frank.
That's how these guys
gain your trust.
So you give them
free access to your life.
and then one day you come
home and find them bouncing
up and down on your bed
wearing a pair of your underpants
as a hat.
Sure, that's one of the risks.
Come on!
This is Marshall Corwin
we're talking about here.
He wrote that new biography
of Robert Oppenheimer
Father of the Atom b*mb.
Excellent book.
Smart book.
Have you read it?
Really thick book.
Listen, thanks for your advice guys,
but you know how I feel.
A journalist should report the story
not be the story.
The fact is the public likes knowing
something personal
about the people
who bring them their news.
It humanizes them.
Makes them more approachable.
Oh, yeah, that's just what I need.
More approachable.
Like people don't already feel
comfortable enough
coming up to me on the street
to tell me I look bonier in person.
Murph
Somebody's going to write a book about you
sooner or later.
Whether you consent to it or not.
At least this way
you've got a little input
as to how it turns out.
I don't know.
Jim, you've been awfully quiet.
What do you think I should do?
I understand your reluctance, Murphy.
Folks of this ilk always
strike me as a trifle undignified.
That's why I've turned down offers.
Many offers.
Tempting offers.
Of course,
Walter Cronkite's delightful
little confessional hit the stands
and lo and behold, apparently
all my best stories
happened to Walter
and not to me.
Oh, the most trusted man in America--
my Aunt Fanny!
You watch what you say
when you're at his dinner table.
and if he offers you a cocktail
to loosen you up, ooh-ho-ho...
Jim, Jim, Jim,
I'm double parked.
Yes or no?
Do it, Murphy.
Do it before the jackals
find a way to steal your life, too.
Hi.
Marshall Corwin?
Murphy Brown,
thanks for meeting with me.
Oh, it's a pleasure.
You've done some very impressive work.
Especially that Oppenheimer biography.
Oh, you read that, did you?
Well...
No, of you didn't.
It was too long.
I told my editor-- Cut me.
Cut me till I bleed.
But did she listen? No.
Oh, who cares?
It was on the bestseller list for weeks.
And it would have gone
on , weeks easy
But another one of those damn
Garfield books came out.
What do you think?
Have you succumbed
to my charms yet.
Are you going to
let me do the book?
Wow, you're a peppy guy,
aren't you?
Well, why shouldn't I be?
I'm in the presence of a news legend.
Whose life story demands to be written.
I'm very flattered, Marshall.
But I have to be straight with you.
I don't know if I ...
You don't know if you want
to have this book written at all, right?
I know, and I can tell you why.
You don't need the publicity.
You don't want your privacy invaded.
You're afraid it might be a hatchet job
And you don't feel it's the place
of a journalist to be the story.
Wow! That's...
That's pretty much it in a nutshell.
I was right?
This is so exciting.
You know, you have a hunch,
you take a shot,
you try to get in your subject's mind.
but, before you
all my subjects have been dead.
You're a real character, Marshall.
So you're saying that I'm going
to be able to do the book.
No, I'm saying that you're
a real character, Marshall.
So, we both know the reasons
why I shouldn't cooperate with the book.
But I still don't know...
Any compelling reasons why you should
Boy, you live ones are tough.
Let me just put it this way.
For you, the book
is not so much an indulgence
as it is an obligation.
And how do you figure that?
The kids.
What sort of role models are there
for kids coming up today
in broadcast journalism?
The people who pass
for reporters
on Hard Copy and Current Affair?
You were the first person
who interviewed Nixon
after his resignation.
You were the one who
brought the S & L scandal
to national attention.
You, Murphy Brown,
You're someone who,
in a different era,
would have been referred to
as a real broad.
A gutsy, hard hitting woman
who entered the male-dominated
field of television journalism
and rose to the top
without making any compromises.
That's the story I want to tell.
Well, you're not trying to snow me
and I respect that.
So, what do you say?
I don't know.
You're asking me to
put my trust in you.
That's not something
I do easily.
I mean, you're looking
at someone who
marks the inside of
the ice cream containers
before the cleaning
lady comes.
I understand your fears.
I can't dismiss them.
But I can promise you
that whatever I write
will be fair, honest and unbiased.
Yeah, well, that still doesn't
make you want to see
your life dissected
on Sally Jesse Raphael.
Who's Sally Jesse Raphael?
Congratulations, Marshall.
You've got yourself a book.
The deadline pressure was intense.
And as a female, I knew
I had to do twice as well as a guy
to get any respect.
Then I found out that the hotshot
at the desk next to me
was going after the same story.
So I did the only thing I could.
I marched into the school library
and checked out
all five copies of
Tom Edison: Boy Genius.
That little weasel was stuck
doing his report on
Squanto: The First Thanksgiving.
You getting all this, Marshall?
Oh, every word.
But I think I'm going to have to
run down to Radio Shack
and get some more cassettes.
I'm guessing my -pack
won't even get us to puberty.
October , .
But we'll get to that.
I can't wait.
You know, I do have to
check with my editor, though.
Oh, here, why don't
you use my phone?
Then when you get back
we can move on to the th grade.
Let's see. Won a
Jell-o slurping contest
and bloodied
Bobby Zorwell's nose.
That was a big year.
Hey, guys.
Friendly piece of advice--
Get someone to write
a book about you
This is so great.
I'm remembering things
I haven't thought about in years.
Unless I miss my guess,
This is Murphy's way of thanking us
for convincing her to do the book.
Of course, being Murphy,
she's managed to do that without
using the words "thank" or "you"
That is where you're wrong, Frank.
Thank you.
Thank you all.
Oh, my God!
She said it!
Murphy said "Thank you!"
I win.
I had the s in the office pool.
Yes!
Good news, Ms. Brown.
My editor's cleared me
for another pages.
That means your
great grandfather O'Casey's
struggle against the
tweed barons has a chance.
Say, since I'm in the office,
Would you mind if I took a little time
to talk to some of your peers?
Sure, assuming you can find any.
Ha, ha, ha!
I'm just kidding.
These guys would be happy
to talk to you.
Right, guys?
All:
Absolutely.
Okay.
Why don't I just run over to Phil's
grab some lunch and
let you do a little work?
That way, you'll
feel free to say whatever you want.
Just remember, anyone using
the words "dazzling", "brilliant"
and "insightful" in the same sentence
will not be disappointed
come Christmastime.
Well, thank you.
Thank you for taking
the time to talk to me.
You know, in the few days
I've spent with Murphy,
A couple of things
have made themselves
glaringly obvious.
She is the world's safest driver
and she has the finest singing voice
East of the Mississippi.
(laughing)
(all laughing)
That was an ice breaker.
I heard laughing.
Laughing is good.
As are the words
"dazzling", "brilliant" and "insightful."
Bye.
Well...
What qualities would you say
make Murphy the journalist she is?
Why don't I just start?
Since I've known Murph the longest
and probably know her the best.
I think
what makes her so good
is that she's tough.
Yes.
Definitely.
Oh, yes, the woman
has the tenacity
of a pit bull.
Well, that's pretty tough.
Oh, yeah.
You get in Murphy's way
when she's chasing a story
She'll run you down.
Then she'll back over you,
Just to make sure you're dead.
Good and dead.
Oh, yeah. She is tough.
But not too tough.
Not too tough?
No, but not...
un-tough.
Just the
right amount of tough.
Normal tough.
Right, guys?
(all agreeing)
Well, for the sake of time,
we'll just say tough.
Well, what was your first impression
of Murphy, when you met her?
My first impression of Murphy
was that she carried herself
with a lot of confidence.
Which really impressed me
because I was just this
wide-eyed girl from Louisiana
You can imagine my amazement
when I saw Murphy
firing her third secretary that week.
Three secretaries.
Boy, must have been some week.
Are you kidding?
That's...
something you should
ask Frank about.
He has known her the longest.
Probably knows her the best.
Uh...
I wasn't here that day.
But you know,
I really
don't think you're getting the full picture.
I mean there are
so many aspects about Murphy
we haven't told you about yet.
Oh, yes, many.
Such as?
Her hair.
Oh, my. Yes.
She can arrange it
in any number of ways.
And let's not forget her fun side.
Yes.
Good.
By all means,
let's hear about it.
That woman knows
how to enjoy life.
Take the Republican
Convention in Detroit.
in Detroit. Oh, man.
That was one wild week.
Murphy gets to the airport
around midnight.
Goes directly to the VIP
party at the Sheraton
after about an hour...
No. Wait. No, no.
I'm wrong.
That wasn't Murphy.
That was...
um, Connie Chung.
Murphy doesn't have
a fun side.
Well, uh...
Just to shift gears a bit.
How does Murphy
react to criticism?
How'd it go?
(all talking)
I'm just reading through
some of my old journals.
This one's from the summer
I interned with Eric Severeid.
Listen to this--
August , .
Snuck onto the set after
everyone had gone home.
Sat in Mr. Severeid's chair
and did my own version
of the commentary.
memo to myself--
next time make sure
the boss's car has
left the parking lot.
Start looking for new internship.
Put fish in Severeid's trunk.
Ha, ha, ha.
That was cute.
Adorable...
We don't think you should do the book.
What?
What are you talking about?
I think what Jim
is trying to say is that
maybe now is
not the best time
to do a biography
on Murphy Brown.
Oh.
And when would be a good time?
When you're dead.
When I'm dead.
When we're all dead.
When anyone who might possibly
want to read this book is dead.
That would be a good time.
There you go.
Well, this is just great.
One day you're
telling me do this.
The next thing, you're telling me don't.
Throw in a bunch
of half eaten Big Macs
and George Stephanopoulos
bragging about how
chicks dig his hair
and I'd swear I was in
a White House Staff meeting.
Murphy,
we had no idea
he was going to be asking us
all sorts of loaded questions.
Like what?
Like what kind of person you are.
What it's like working with you?
What were we supposed to tell him?
Well, how about the truth?
Geez, we're talking about me here.
Not Ike Turner.
The truth is good in theory, Murphy.
But it's a little different
when you start picturing
how these things will look
in black and white.
Remember that time you threw
that coffee mug at my head?
Oh, how we all laughed about that.
Yet, in print,
that gesture might lose
some of its whimsical charm.
Oh, come on,
I missed, didn't I?
Unfortunately, Slugger,
there were a lot of stories
where you didn't miss.
Murph, you don't know what it's like.
You think because we
interview people all the time
we'd know exactly what to say.
But then, you hear yourself
answering more that you should.
Things start to slip out.
Things like the convention story.
How would you feel about
seeing that in print?
Well, I think, put in the
appropriate context,
given the proper spin,
told with the right amount of humor.
I'd be fine with seeing
the convention story in print.
You didn't tell him the
convention story, did you?
No. And that's the point.
It was three hours
of not telling stories about you.
Just think what it's going to be like
when Marshall interviews other people.
People who don't love you.
People who don't care about you.
People who aren't afraid of you.
You know, you guys
are something else.
I mean, sure Marshall might
come across a few people
with a score to settle.
And yes, I've done
a couple of things
I might not do again.
But don't you think I took
all that into consideration
when I decided to do this?
I have no intention of
pulling out of this book.
I'm proud of my life
and what I've accomplished.
I have nothing
to be ashamed of.
What kind of journalist
is Murphy Brown?
She's thorough,
resourceful, articulate.
And when it comes to a
one-on-one interview
she's almost as good as I am.
Almost.
Murphy's an outstanding reporter.
She's got a good nose for a story,
and she's very aggressive.
Very competitive.
She's very competitive.
She's brutally competitive at times.
Competitive?
Try vicious.
The Soviet Union was collapsing
and we found ourselves
on the same flight to Moscow
going after an exclusive interview
with Gorbachev.
When we landed, she told
the airport security guard I was
smuggling in blue jeans
and Michael Jackson tapes.
She got Gorbachev.
And I got a guard named
Mikolai with cold hands
and a bad attitude.
I made the mistake once
of doosing off next to her
on the press bus during
the Mondale campaign.
And when I woke up
my taped interview
with Geraldine Ferraro
had mysteriously
turned into two hours
of Forrest Sawyer
and Britt Hume
playing license plate bingo.
She'll do anything
for an interview.
She once offered
Lech Welensa free use
of her Martha's
Vineyard beachhouse.
Of course,
she doesn't have
a Martha's Vineyard
beach house.
Which is why my
grandchildren
walked into our place
to find the leader of solidarity
boiling lobsters
wearing nothing but
my "Kiss the Cook" apron.
I saw her push a nun once.
I'd beaten Murphy out on
three stories in a row,
so she wasn't speaking to me.
Then I got an interview
with Aretha Franklin.
Suddenly, Murphy's
my best friend.
She asked me for
Aretha's home phone number
and foolishly
I gave it to her.
And guess what?
I haven't heard
from Murphy since.
Which, if you know Murphy,
is a blessing.
But I sure heard from Aretha.
I'm sorry but
I made it a policy
never to discuss
my colleagues.
I'm sure you understand.
I wouldn't give her an interview
during the Bork hearings.
She had pizzas
delivered to my house
every hour on the hour.
for three straight days.
I wouldn't give
her an interview
during the
Clarence Thomas hearings
and she had Chinese food
delivered to my house
every hour on the hour
for three straight days.
I saw her push a nun once.
My wife and I shared
a table with her
at a White House dinner
in the early s.
When Elizabeth and I
got up to dance
She ate both our sherbets.
Of course, she denied it.
Which was pretty shameless
considering how orange
her tongue was.
Nancy Reagan once told me
that they wouldn't have had to
replace the White House china
If Murphy didn't have
such a big purse.
Her personal life?
Oh boy, where do you begin?
No, I mean it.
I don't want to talk about her.
I admire how she's
turned her life around.
But in the old days...
How should I put this?
Let's just say,
Murphy never missed
a trip to the punch bowl.
It was hard to get close
to Murphy back then.
I mean, let's face it.
There was a time
when her three
best friends were
Jim Beam, Johnny Walker
and Old Granddad.
I remember one
St. Patrick's Day party
She became convinced that
Ted Koppel was a leprechaun.
She spent the entire everning
following him around
trying to rub his head for luck.
If there's one thing
you learn in this business
It's that you don't
mess with Koppel's hair.
I saw her
push a nun once.
I will not talk about her.
You don't know
what she's like.
She's vindictive.
She'll do things.
You can try a restraining order.
You can try moving.
But she always finds you.
I can't put my family
through that again.
Well, I don't like to judge people,
but the woman's done a few things
that would make me blush.
and I was in the service.
I'm sure you heard about her behavior
at the Republican Convention.
I can barely hear
the name Murphy Brown
without thinking about the
Republican Convention.
but I really don't think it's appropriate
to go into to that.
And then, there's
the convention story.
Has anyone else
brought that up?
The convention story?
Um, it's really not my place
to discuss that.
Oh, yes, the convention story.
Well, as a gentleman,
it's not a story
I feel comfortable telling.
But then again,
she always says the public
has a right to know.
How much tape do you have there...
there... there... there...
It's one thing to have
led a colorful life.
It's another to realize that
your kid's going to be old
enough to read about it someday.
I can't do this book.
What was I thinking?
Would you tell me that?
You know, I am not buying
this silence routine.
I bet you can talk.
I'm guessing,
I leave here in the morning,
you and Eldin have
a cup of coffee,
read the paper,
and just chat till I get home.
Am I right?
Oh!
Oh, it's you.
You know, ever since
we started watching
Dalmatians,
I've been having these dreams
that Cruella DeVille comes
and takes him away.
And at this time of night.
I must admit
there's a reather unsettling resemblence
I've got some painting
I have to finish.
Good night there, little man.
Eldin, wait.
Wait.
You know,
This isn't the easiest
thing for me
to talk about, but
um, well, listen
you've done some
things in your life, you're not
exactly proud of, right.
Look, if you're talking about
that pair of pantyhose,
I only borrowed them.
To strain a can of
very lumpy paint.
And I can't believe
you were still wearing them anyway.
The entire left foot was gone.
Forget the pantyhose.
I'm talking about life choices.
You know, things you
might have said or done.
or imbibed, when you were younger.
Things you might
not be so proud of now.
Well, look, I'm not going to tell you
that I'm thrilled with
everything I've ever done.
But, uh,
The way I look at it,
If you don't look back
with some regrets,
It probably wasn't that much
of a life to begin with anyway.
Yeah, well, that's
easy for you to say.
You weren't stupid enough
to agree to a biography.
You're kid's not going
to be standing around at recess
while his friends ask
if they can come over
and see his mother do
what's described on page .
Look,
It's am.
and little Avery's not the only one
losing interest with this conversation.
So, let me review
it this far.
If you do your job right,
Avery's not going to
have to read some book
to decide whether
or not he likes you.
I guess you have a point.
Besides, at a certain age
kid's think everthing
their parent do is stupid.
And in your case,
forget about it.
Mike.
It's Murphy.
I know. I know.
I'm sorry to wake you up.
I just wanted to tell you.
A guy is going to be calling you.
He's doing a book on me.
He has my full cooperation.
So just feel free to tell him
whatever you want.
Um...
But if you should happen to
forget the convention story.
I'll make sure that
tape of you singing
"I enjoy being a girl"
on the press bus
never sees the light of day.
Okay. Great, thanks.
Go back to sleep.
Leslie?
Hi.
I know. It's late.
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to tell you
there's a guy who's
going to be calling you.
He's doing a book on me.
But he has my full cooperation.
I know you're there, Morley.
Pick up the phone.
Don't test me, Morley.
I can wait all night.
Morley?
If you don't pick up the phone,
I'm going to start singing.
Morley, hi!
I'm sorry. I know. It's late.