01x22 - Bud the Bridesmaid

[bunniefuu]

Robert Young...

and Jane Wyatt.

With Elinor Donahue,

Billy Gray, and Lauren Chapin...

Turn.

Louise, if you
don't stand still,

I'll never get this
to hang straight.

I'll be shaking, so no
one will be able to tell

whether it's hanging
straight or not.

I'll be the first bride
with a bouncing hemline.

You'll calm down by then.

Margaret, were you nervous
when you were married?

Well, I didn't think I was

until I happened to glance down
at my feet during the ceremony.

I'll bet you were
shaking in your shoes.

Uh-uh. No shoes.

Oh, stop worrying, Louise.

When Tom sees you at that alter,

he's going to be very proud.

Tom.

Margaret, do you realize

I'm getting married tomorrow
to a... a perfect stranger?

Oh, Louise! Nonsense!

You've been going with
Tom for five years now.

He's hardly a
stranger. I don't know.

They say you never know a
man until you're married to him.

Well, you've got the rest of
your life to get acquainted.

You know, I was
looking at Tom last night.

Sort of studying him.

Margaret, have you ever
taken a good look at his ears?

Something wrong with them?

They're pointed.

Not that I mind. Except...

aren't pointed ears
a sign of fickleness?

Oh, Louise!

You're magnifying
this all out of proportion.

Including Tom's ears.

You've been married a
long time, haven't you, Jim?

Mm-hmm. 18 years.

18 long... and, uh,
wonderful years.

Do you ever run out of things
to talk about in all that time?

The longer you're married,
the more you have to talk about.

You have more in common.

Oh, now, look, Jim,
you can level with me.

I'm taking this
wedding in stride.

I just want to be prepared
for the worst. That's all.

Well, I mean it. Marriage
is a wonderful institution.

But what? But what what?

Well, "marriage is a
wonderful institution" But?

Tom, Tom, calm down.
Now, don't be so nervous.

Nervous? Who's nervous?

I am. You just went
through two stop signals.

Jim, ever notice Louise's eyes?

Sure. She has two of them.

One on either side of her nose.

No, I... I mean the color.

You know, I always
thought she had blue eyes.

But she hasn't.

They've got a touch of green
in them. All around the edges.

So? Well, now, don't
misunderstand me.

I think they're
beautiful, but...

Well, people with green eyes

are supposed to be
jealous, now, aren't they?

Tom, how long have you
been going with Louise?

Oh, five years.

Have you ever known
her to be jealous?

No. Mmm.

No, but green's green.

And red's red.

There you are, Louise.

Now, I can finish it tonight
after the wedding rehearsal.

Margaret, you've gone
to so much trouble for us.

Oh, nonsense. I can't
remember having so much fun.

Mommy? Hmm?

Is Tom going to be my uncle now?

No, Kathy.

Your mommy is my cousin,

so that makes me
your second cousin.

And when Tom and I are married,

he'll be your second
cousin-in-law.

I thought I was
getting an uncle,

not a secondhand cousin.

Kathy, why don't you
go outside and play?

'Cause it's more fun in here.

Louise, you better go upstairs
and change before Tom arrives.

Yes, you're right.

Uh-oh.

Margaret, I'm home!
Louise, me, too!

Jim, Tom, stop
right where you are.

Turn around and face the door.

You want us to
reach for the ceiling?

It's supposed to be a bad omen

for the groom to see the bride

in her wedding dress
before the ceremony.

This marriage business
has more rules than canasta.

All right, Louise.
The coast is clear.

If you're going to play
hide-and-go-seek, I want to play, too.

You can play outside.
We've just been through that.

You can turn around
now. Tom, go on in.

Louise'll be down in a minute.

Did you know you're going
to be my secondhand cousin?

At this point, I don't think
I know anything, Kathy.

It's so wonderful of you, Jim,

giving them a wedding like this.

It's the least we
can do, Margaret.

After all, it's nothing. Just
a small family wedding.

Tom, um, seems a
little nervous, though.

Last-minute jitters. You
were worse than he is.

Yeah? But I love you.

Naturally.

Oh, there's the
man with the chairs.

Chairs? What for?

I rented a few extras
for the wedding.

But, Margaret, if it's going to
be a small wedding, why'd you...

Good afternoon, ma'am.
Did you order some chairs?

Yes, you can put them
right in the living room.

Okay, Bertrum, you
can start bringing them in.

Margaret, how many people

are coming to this wedding?

Oh, I don't know.

Relatives, a... a few friends.

If you need me, dear,
I'll... I'll be in the kitchen.

Right in there,
Bertrum. Okay, Sam.

Take it easy now, Bert. You
got a lot of work ahead of you.

Margaret, I thought this was going to
be a small wedding, not the coronation.

Just because I ordered
a few extra chairs

so that people could sit down!

There won't be room in
there for anyone to stand.

Well, if I'd known
that you didn't want my

cousin Louise to have
a pleasant wedding...

I didn't say that. I want everything to
be nice for everybody, including me.

Oh, come now. You
two mustn't fight like this

on the eve of your wedding.

Plenty of time for that
after you're married.

You're so right. Here. I'll just
leave the bill for the chairs.

And Bertrum will bring the
organ around later this afternoon.

The what? Uh, that's fine. Fine.

Oh, well, so long now. And
happy wedding day to you both.

I guess I don't hear so
well. I thought he said organ.

Well, how can you have a
wedding march without music?

Well, at these
prices, I'll whistle it!

Yes, Dr. Swain.

$17.50 for lilies of the valley.

5:30 would be fine for
the wedding rehearsal.

Margaret, this is the most
ridiculous, confounded...

Jim, I'm talking
to the minister!

Well, then, tell him to
bring his collection plate.

We're going to need it.

Thank you very much, Dr. Swain.

We'll see you in a little while.

Honestly, Jim!

But, Margaret,
$20.36 for chairs!

Well, he gave me
a very special price.

What's the 36 cents
for? That's for tax.

Good. I'd like to put one
in the center of each chair.

Oh, Mother, where's Louise?
She's gone for a ride with Tom.

I wanted to show
her my new shoes.

They're simply terrific!

Put them away now,
dear. What new shoes?

Father, dear... How
much did they cost?

$15. $15?

They're gold. Well,
I should hope so.

Jim, Betty wanted a pair of
gold shoes for the wedding.

To match the chairs, no doubt.
I'm gonna play the "Wedding March."

Betty, your feet will be under
the organ the entire ceremony.

You could go barefoot, and no
one would know the difference.

But I'll be mingling
with the guests later on.

You can mingle
without gold shoes.

$40 for chicken salad!

Well, it's cheaper
than champagne.

Well, why do we
need 12 dozen rolls?

Well, when you have 75 pe...

70... Margaret,
that's 144 rolls.

What are you gonna do with the rest of
them, throw them at the bride and groom?

Jim, I'm glad you reminded me.

I'll go and check to see
if we have enough rice.

$40 for chicken salad. Dad?

$20.36 for chairs. Dad?

$15 for gold shoes!

Dad? What?

My battery's dead.

So is mine.

Claude Messner was
an usher last summer,

and he says you have
to have a flashlight.

Claude Messner was an usher
at a theater, not a wedding.

He was? He was.

Jim? Whatever it is, no!

Doesn't it make you feel
good to know that you're making

all this possible for
Tom and Louise?

I feel good. It's just my bank
balance that's getting a little sick.

You should've heard
Louise talk about you today.

She thinks you're a
cross between Santa Claus

and her fairy godmother.

She does?

And, of course, Tom
thinks you're the most

wonderful person
he's ever known.

He does?

I do, too.

Dear,

I'm... I'm sorry that I spent so
much money on the wedding.

Oh, well.

You only get married once.

I hope.

I guess it does seem like a lot
of needless bother and expense.

Ah, don't worry
about it, Margaret.

After all, other people go
to the justice of the peace.

There's something
cold about it, though.

An office, strangers
for witnesses.

Of course, it's cheaper. Maybe.

But how you start a marriage
off is important, though.

They could've eloped.
Saved an awful lot of bother.

Under certain circumstances,
elopements are fine.

But I think Tom and Louise
should be married here,

surrounded by their
friends and family.

I guess you're right, Jim.

It does look nice, doesn't it?

I think so.

You sure you have
enough flowers?

Oh, I reckon so.

Jim, you remember our
wedding day? Mm-hmm.

We started off right, didn't we?

Your father's probably still
paying for the chicken salad.

Father? Yes, Princess?

I've decided to take
the gold shoes back.

You're right. I don't need them.

Betty, you're
going to keep them.

If we're going to
have a wedding,

we're going to do it up right.

But no one will see
them. I'll see them.

Margaret, are you sure
we have enough chairs?

Oh, yes, dear. We have plenty.

Let's see. What else do we need
now? Oh, Jim, you're an angel.

I may have to mortgage my harp.

Wait a minute. Maybe
we should have a harp.

And a singer. And a
violin. Maybe two violins.

Jim! Father!

Why not? You know
what that would cost?

What difference
does that make? But...

We could put them right
here. I can see it now.

The room is filled with guests
as they wait breathlessly

for the beautiful
bride to appear.

Softly, the music starts to
play the "Wedding March."

♪ Dum dum da-dum ♪

And there she appears,

radiant with love,
sparkling with beauty,

and glowing...
Glowing, glowing, gone!

I'm sorry to inform you that

there's not going
to be a wedding.

Now or at any other time.

Tom!

What happened
between you and Louise?

Don't ask me.

I'm only a man.

Why, I've been driving
around for the last hour

trying to figure it out myself.

Well, you must've done
something, said something.

All I know is
everything was fine

until I happened to mention
a girl I used to date years ago,

way back before I
even knew Louise.

I just brought up
her name. That's all.

"Nancy this, Nancy that."

According to him,
she's Marilyn Monroe,

Gussie Moran, and the
Mona Lisa all rolled into one!

All I said was that Nancy
was a fairly pretty girl.

Played tennis and
went to church.

And Louise said you probably
were still in love with the other girl

and should've married
her. Yeah, that's right.

Then when you tried to
explain... She hit the roof!

I was very calm.

It was difficult, but I
didn't lose my head.

I merely said, in a quiet way,

"Why don't you marry
this Nancy character?"

Then Tom said you
were probably right.

Then you said she was right.
Maybe you should've married Nancy.

Well, that's right.
How'd you know?

My boy, sooner or
later, every man learns

you can talk about the
women you know now,

even those you
meet in the future,

but the women in the past

are taboo, verboten, off-limits.

Oh, that's
ridiculous. Not really.

A memory is pretty
tough competition.

I just barely mentioned
Nancy's name.

Nancy, Nancy, Nancy!

If he said it once, he
said it a million times!

It's too bad I didn't notice his
ears the first time I met him.

I could've saved
myself a lot of trouble.

He is fickle!

I told you she had green eyes.

It's too bad I didn't notice
them the first time I met her.

She's definitely
the jealous type.

Look, Tom, you're both nervous
and upset. It's only natural.

It has been some
week. For you, too.

You know, I... I feel
terrible about all the trouble

you've gone to, and the expense.

Why don't you go upstairs
and tell her you're sorry?

You don't know Louise.

She teaches mules
how to be stubborn.

Tom, they're all children.

A little child psychology,

and you've got them
eating out of your hand.

I ought to know. It
works on Margaret.

Louise, dear, believe me,
don't let the bald spots fool you.

They never grow up!

They have to be
handled like children.

I don't want to have to handle
someone for the rest of my life.

I want a healthy
adult relationship,

and that's impossible with Tom.

He's a quarrelsome, pigheaded...

stubborn, immature girl!

Do you love her?

I love her.

All right. Let me give it a try.

Old Cupid Anderson
and his bow and arrow.

Tom? Yeah?

I sure am sorry
about everything.

Oh, thanks, Bud. So am I.

I guess that sort of leaves you

with nothing to do tonight.

Sort of.

There's a basketball
game tonight.

The Springfield Terrors
versus the Jackson Dynamos.

Thanks, Bud.

Maybe you'd rather see a show.

What's showing?

The Wedding is at the Majestic,

and Honeymoon Trails...

I guess maybe we'd better
go to the basketball game.

Yeah.

I'll take care of the tickets.

Don't you see how
really simple it is, Louise?

Now, what do you say?

I say no!

You realize, of course,
you're deliberately

closing the door on a
lifetime of happiness?

I'm not closing
it, I'm slamming it.

Look, honey, you're
both under a strain.

These lasts few hours
are always hectic.

If these few hours
are an example

of what it's like to be married,

I'll take the single life.

Sounds like a pretty
dreary existence to me.

Tom Goodwin isn't the
only man in the world.

There are millions of
them all over the place.

There are?

Oh, I know what you think...

That I'm fortunate to get
somebody as nice as Tom.

That's exactly
what I think. What?

Just as I think Tom is fortunate
to get someone as fine as you.

Let me alone, Jim.

Please let me alone.

I know what I'm doing.

My mind's made up.

All right, Louise.

What happened?

What usually happens when a
man tries to reason with a woman.

Jim!

Say, Dad?

What is it?

Can I borrow $5.00?

Well, what for?

I want to buy two tickets
to the basketball game.

Here. Might as well
get tickets for all of us.

Gee, thanks, Dad.

Well, what do you think?

I think we're going to get
awfully sick of chicken salad

in the next few months.

So I didn't get very far.

Well, you got
further than I did.

She wouldn't even
let me in the room.

Where are you going?

I think I'll...

go polish my car.

That's, uh, putting it mildly.

Uh, won't you, uh,
please sit down?

I'll tell Margaret you're here.

Oh, honey, Dr. Swain is here.

What'll I tell him?

Tell him it's off.

I feel terrible about
this. Wait a minute, Jim.

Louise, will you do me a favor?

You know I will, Margaret.
Anything. Well, I'm in a terrible spot.

I talked Dr. Swain into canceling an
important conference this afternoon

in order to conduct
the wedding rehearsal.

Would you mind staying
till after we rehearse?

Just to save me from
being embarrassed.

I couldn't do that, Margaret.

If you would, it would
give me a chance

to think up an adequate
excuse by tomorrow.

Don't ask me, Margaret.

Louise, I have to live here.

I'm the one who's
going to have to do

all the explaining about this.

Well... Besides, it's customary

for someone to stand in for the
bride at the rehearsal anyway.

All you have to do is to watch.

But, Margaret...

Tell Dr. Swain
we'll be right down.

Okay.

Thanks, Louise.

You don't know
how I appreciate this.

It's the least I can do.
You've done so much.

♪♪ Now, then,

Tom, you come in first,
and you stand right there.

Margaret, the matron of
honor, next, right over here.

Then, Jim, you
bring in the bride.

All set? Yes, we're
all ready, Dr. Swain.

All right. Let's try it.

Oh, who's standing
in for you, Louise?

I don't know.

I will.

No. We'll need the music.

I want to be a bride!
Let's not, uh, push it.

We need you for the flower girl.

Someone has to
stand in for the bride.

Hey, guess what.

I got the tickets.

Splendid, son!

Splendid. What's going on?

Oh, uh, just a little rehearsal.

But I thought... Stand right
over here, will you, Bud?

Sure, Dad. Thought I might
as well get some batteries.

Fine, son.

We're ready, Dr. Swain.

♪♪

Start with your left foot, Bud.

What for? I'm not
going anyplace.

You're the bride. What?

Just temporarily, Bud.
You're standing in for Louise.

Do I look like a bride? Not
with that flashlight, you don't.

Now, start with the left foot.

If this ever gets out, I'll never
be able to show my face again.

Oh, no one's going to
tell. Have a heart, Dad.

Bud, stop arguing.
Act like a bride.

How can I try out
for the football team

if the fellas ever find
out I was a bride?

Bud!

Tom.

At rehearsals, we only run
through part of the ceremony

to give us a few cues
and to set the mood.

Bud, place your hand in Tom's.

Dearly beloved, we
are gathered together...

I'll be ruined for life!

I don't blame you, Bud.

There's no reason for
you to be put through this.

I'll do it.

Please proceed, Dr. Swain.

You sure you don't mind, Louise?

Do you, Tom?

No, I don't mind.

Very well.

All right. Let's see.

I'll just skip
down to the finish.

Thomas Goodwin,

"wilt thou have this woman
to be thy wedded wife,

"wilt thou love her,
comfort her and honor her

as long as ye both may live?"

Louise.

Oh, Tom.

Up to your old tricks I see.

I haven't the faintest idea
what you're talking about.

Louise Decker,

"wilt thou have this man
to be thy wedded husband,

"wilt thou love him,
comfort him and honor him

as long as ye both may live?"

Oh, I will.

Uh, uh, T-Tom, not yet.

It's customary to wait

until I finish the ceremony.

And then I say,

"Inasmuch as Tom and
Louise have consented together,

"and so forth and
so forth and so forth,

I pronounce that they
are man and wife."