My racing instructor
taught me a lot
About courage and coolness
As well as the importance
of not checking my makeup
in the rear view mirror
While driving miles an hour.
Jim?
Thank you, Corky,
for some amazing footage.
And I'm sure our viewers
will understand
You meant no disrespect
By invoking the name
of the Lord so often
And with such vehemence.
We'll be back
after these messages.
And... we're
into commercial.
(blowing whistle)
Okay, people,
listen up.
Does this look familiar?
(Groaning)
Yes, that's right.
It's the sign-up board.
Now, as you know,
for the next ten days
I'll be entertaining
the young daughter
of an old college friend of mine.
And I've asked all
of you very politely
To commit two hours
of your time
To help me take care
of this fine young girl.
As of : tonight
I have had
the following people sign up:
Manuel Noriega
Cher
And the Emperor Charlemagne.
Who I happen to know
is out of town.
Veronica's plane
arrives in one hour
And I want to know
What you all intend
to do about that?
Oh, come on.
Corky, what about you?
You said Will's locking himself up
to work on the last chapter of his book.
What are you going to do
with all that free time?
I'll probably spend a lot of it
in physical therapy.
Good. She can drive you.
Fr..?
Jim..?
Absolutely not.
I don't understand
teenage girls
And I don't want to.
They have
holes in their clothing
And they travel in packs
through shopping malls
Giggling at the
most inane things.
Like a person's shoes.
What's so damn foolish
About a perfectly good pair
of Oxford wing tips?
Thank you
for joining us
This has been another
edition of FYI.
And we're out.
Good show, people.
John, hey, where are you going?
You're great with kids.
I need you.
Gee, Murphy ...
What's that Bob?
A fruit bat got
into the control room
And it's caught
in your hair?
My God, how many times does
this have to happen
before something's done?
I'll be right there.
Come on, Frank.
You owe me big.
Remember last Friday,
When you stepped
in front of my car
In the parking garage.
And I swerved
to miss you?
I wasn't even in
town last Friday.
Well then, it was someone else.
The point is a life was saved.
And I should be rewarded.
God, is this
pathetic?
You see what happens
When a gentile
tries to use guilt?
It just
doesn't work.
You're either born with
a natural ability
Or you're not.
Okay, Miles,
I guess you're right.
It's just that I feel
so bad for the kid.
She's an idealistic,
young journalism student
Traveling all this way
Hoping to just get a glimpse
of her heroes.
Well, I guess
she'll get over it...
Someday.
Gentile, gentile, gentile.
It's funny, Murph.
For somebody that's going
to have a kid of their own
in seven months
You're working awfully hard
to try to palm this off on everybody else.
You getting a little nervous
about motherhood?
Is that what it is?
Don't be ridiculous, Frank.
I'm not nervous.
I'll be a great mother--
with my own kid.
With my own kid.
But I haven't seen Veronica
since she was two.
What the hell am I supposed
to do with her for ten days.
I promise I'll
try to make it
As painless
as possible.
Hi, Murphy.
Everybody.
Veronica?
What are you
doing here?
Your plane wasn't supposed
to land for another hour.
I was so psyched
about coming I talked a guy
who was waiting for an earlier
flight into playing five-card draw
for his ticket.
Not bad, kid.
Not bad at all.
Everybody,
this is Veronica.
Although, her mother
calls her Ronnie.
Nope. I dropped Ronnie
back when Reagan was elected.
Now, I go by Nica.
As in Nicaragua.
In support of the workers
struggle in Managua.
A social conscience.
I like that.
God, this is incredible.
You guys probably hear this
a lot
But FYI is without a doubt
the strongest news team in the business.
My journalism class
studied your retrospective
Of the fall
of the Soviet empire.
That was definitely
one of the finest hours
of television news ever done.
Speaking of...
That was my idea.
I would give anything
to have a life like yours.
But if Mom has anything
to say about it
That'll never happen.
Everything has to
be by the rules.
"Take an umbrella. It might rain."
"Don't walk on the grass."
You know, she actually
slows down for yellow lights.
Well, mothers can be like that.
Mine was no different.
"Stand up straight."
"Keep your elbows off the table."
"Don't drink the Chivas.
It's mine."
Where do they
get these things, anyway?
Is there some
sort of mother's newsletter
They send around to each other?
Yeah-- Mom's Cliché Monthly.
Things to say when you're losing --
"I don't have
to have a reason."
"I'm your mother."
Right, right,
and how about
"You have such a pretty face.
"Why do you hide it under all that hair?"
Oh, that's a good one.
But this is my favorite:
"As long as you're living under my roof..."
Both:
"... you'll live by my rules."
"...young lady."
Oh, that is the k*ller.
"Young lady."
I'm fine with "young."
I'm fine with "lady."
But you put those two together ...
I swear I will never use those
two words with my daughter.
Time's why I think
that you'll be the coolest
mom who ever lived.
You're progressive.
You believe
in basic freedoms.
You got an ashtray around?
A what?
An ashtray.
Oh... you smoke?
Yeah. You wouldn't believe
the flack I get from Mom.
Well, she's probably just
trying to protect you
From things you
you may not be aware of.
Like, you know, lung cancer.
But what you have to understand
is that I'm an adult
And I should be allowed
to make my own decisions, right?
So, have you got
an ashtray?
Uh... gee,
I think I
got rid of them
when I quit.
Right after I started hacking up
That black, tar-like substance.
Besides, with the baby,
I really
Shouldn't be around smoke.
Oh, sure, no problem.
I'll just stand
over by the window.
This is going to be
such a cool visit.
Getting to see how a great
TV news show works.
Getting to hang out with you.
I'm already having a great time.
Good, good. uh...
The smoke's still blowing in a little bit.
Would you mind going
all the way out?
It's a little chilly out there.
Well, you've come
a long way, baby.
A few more feet
won't k*ll you.
♪♪ I said, "never" ♪♪
♪♪ here's a land
that never gave a damn ♪♪
♪♪ About a brother like me... ♪♪
You know, when you
hear music like this
first thing in the morning
You just can't wait to see
what the rest of your
day is going to be like.
Oh, come on, Murphy.
This is Public Enemy,
the greatest group in the world.
Their music is the music
of the streets--
Kind of an urban
folk poetry.
You want to talk about
urban folk poetry?
Let's talk about the master himself.
Little Bobby Dylan.
♪♪ once upon a time
you dressed so fine ♪♪
♪♪ threw the bums a dime,
in your prime, didn't you? ♪♪
I'd like to hear
Public Transportation
write something like that.
Murphy, I think Public Enemy is
a little more relevant
than some old geezer
who spent the last few years
wandering through
Traveling Wilburys videos
Looking like
a rabbi.
You mean to tell me
that you find
this pseudo-political
macho posturing relevant?
Wait a second.
I don't believe it.
Are we having
a generation gap thing?
(laughs)
That was a close one.
I almost fell
right into it.
Oh, boy, I just flashed back
to my mother lecturing me
on how Eddie Fisher
was vastly superior to the Beatles.
Yeah. Like "A Hard Day's Night"
doesn't stack up
to "Oh, My Papa."
Well...
It's not like
I'm like my mother.
I'm open, I'm available.
And I'm ready to listen
to Public Storage.
♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪
Hey! Hey! Ho!
What are you listening to?
There's a fetus in the room.
I can't believe
that you're listening
to rap music in front
of the little one.
(classical music playing)
It's going to take
six months of Mozart
to undo the damage
you may have done.
There, there, there,
precious little bundle.
The world is kind and loving
and the arts are fully supported
by an enlightened
federal government.
So I lied.
Now, from you two,
I want happy thoughts.
Happy, happy thoughts.
I'll be listening.
I think it's so cool you were actually willing
to give Rap music a chance.
Mom would never do that.
That's just the kind of person I am.
I remember what it's like
being a teenager.
Never being listened to.
Never being respected.
And worst of all,
never being trusted.
Yeah. Can I borrow your car?
What?
Your car.
Can I borrow it?
Uh...
Oh, my car.
Well, let me just ask you
a minor question.
And I'm not asking you this
as a non-trusting
parental figure
I'm asking you this as the owner
of a new Porsche.
Why do you want it?
Murphy, if this makes
you feel uncomfortable I ...
Uncomfortable?
I am not uncomfortable.
It's a perfectly reasonable request.
How could I say no?
(whispers:)
How could I say no?
I'm just going to grab
a cup of coffee first.
No!
And here's the topper.
This morning, just to be nice,
I asked little Nica
If she'd like
to take a look
at the final cut of my piece
on the cattle industry.
Big mistake.
Tell me about it.
An hour later she comes back
with four page of suggested cuts
Including the seconds
of me roping a steer.
She says it could be
construed as narcissistic.
Can you believe that?
It's the best thing
in the whole piece.
And I looked great in those chaps.
She's insane.
Last night, Doris and I were watching
Fellini's La Dolce Vita on cable.
A film that's always had
a powerful effect on Doris.
he was just starting
to be... affected
When Nica called to discuss
the reporting style of CNN.
Do you know how hard it is
to recapture a moment of passion
once you've heard the name
Wolf Blitzer?!
Hi, guys.
Is Nica here yet?
She's having
such a great time with you
that I asked her to join us.
I hope you don't mind.
Look, Murph, we've been having
a little problem with Nica.
We hate her.
Oh, come on, guys.
I know Nica's
a little overzealous.
But she's just a kid.
She's just so eager
to experience life.
She needs some discipline.
You're in charge.
Take control.
Listen to you guys--
Discipline. Control.
That's exactly how not
to deal with a kid.
Now, I'm treating her
like an adult.
And I think
I'm really having
an effect on her.
Frank:
Oh, boy.
Here she is.
Isn't that Don from editing?
See, she's interested
in every facet of the business.
Isn't that great?
Jim: Good Lord!
Frank: Holy Moly!
Okay, okay.
Let's just all relax.
It's just
a little good-bye kiss.
She's just testing
her boundaries, that's all.
Searching for her identity.
Searching for Don's uvula.
Hi, everybody.
Sorry I'm late.
but I was making
a list of story areas
I really think
the show should tackle.
And we would love
to hear them, but, um...
Louise in the cafeteria
is retiring
And we have to go say good-bye.
Jim:
Yes. Good old Louise.
The steam table won't
be the same without her.
Bye.
Wait for me.
Ow!
Gee, looks like you and Don
are really hitting it off.
Interesting guy--
, married four times,
sleeps in a coffin.
Hey there, Murphy.
And this must be
your little friend, Nicka.
Actually, it's Nica.
As in Nicaragua.
Really?
Well, I'm Phil.
As in Philadelphia.
What can I get you?
I'll have a chef's salad
and a cup of hot tea.
Thanks, Phil.
I'll have a chef's salad
and a Scotch rocks.
Scotch?
She wants a Scotch.
You wouldn't happen
to have an I.D., would you?
An I.D.?
He wants an I.D.
It happens all the time.
I guess I just look
younger than I am.
Here you go.
Very nice.
I especially like the way
you switched the " " in
with the zero in the serial number.
Excellent technique.
That is totally legit.
Look, kid, you're traveling down
a dangerous path here.
First it's faking I.D.,
And then
it's school documents.
And pretty soon
the lying comes easier.
The next thing you know,
you're a lawyer.
Two chef's salads and two teas,
coming right up.
I'll just keep this
for my collection.
Can you believe that?
I'm old enough
to serve in the military.
But I can't have a drink
after a hard week.
The laws in this country
are so stupid.
I'm going to have a cigarette.
At least it's still legal
for me to do that.
(chuckles)
Teenagers--
God's punishment
for enjoying sex.
This is terrifying.
I've got one of those things
growing inside me.
Oh, Murphy, don't worry.
It's not like your kid's
going to be born a teenager.
You got years to get ready.
By the time you'll have to
deal with an -year-old
You'll be...
Wow!
?
?
Oh, my God!
What have I done?
Okay, that's it.
Another day, another
¢ after taxes.
Oh, by the way, the lint tray
in your dryer was packed.
I would clean it out myself.
But then, how would you learn?
Eldin, I don't have time
to discuss my lint tray.
What is this?
"When Your Child Drives You Crazy."
"Don't Blame Mother."
"What To Do When Your Teenager
Laughs In Your Face.
So we've finally decided
to do something
about the bad seed?
I know things have been a little bit
difficult with Nica.
But that's all about to change.
Why? Research--
the reporter's tool.
Everything I need to handle her
is in these books.
Listen to this, from "Talking to Your Teen"
"The key is to put the problem
out in the open
"in a clear and non-judgmental way."
"Step : Before beginning your dialogue
"place two chairs of equal
height facing each other
to ensure a sense of equality.
Let's say you just
have one chair and a sofa.
Does the kid end up
Operating a Tilt-A-Whirl
on Route ?
"Step : Use a gentle touch
"Such as a hand on the shoulder
"To remove
any sense of separation.
"Step : Make direct eye contact
and calmly begin the dialogue."
This is terrific.
Okay, but if that doesn't
work, there's always
the old Bernecky family method--
Off for a weekend with Aunt Lottie.
a woman who, in ,
punched out Max Schmeling
For cutting in front
of her at the bakery.
Those are
the old ways, Eldin.
And these are the new.
Just a few key points
on " x " these cards
And a little furniture rearranging.
I know it will work.
In just a few hours,
This will all be over
And then we'll see who knows
how to deal with a kid.
Murphy, you're still up.
Oh, hi, Nica.
Gosh, I got so involved with this
this Charlie's Angels rerun
I lost all track of the time.
I'm glad you're awake.
Because I have something I really
need to talk to you about.
That's good, because I
want to talk to you, too.
So, why don't we just walk over
to these two lovely chairs
and talk.
I can't sit, when I have
a lot on my mind.
I have to pace.
Oh, no. That's not good.
Pacing's not good.
Sitting is good.
I paid a lot of money
for these chairs
so why don't we
just sit in them?
Come on, sit.
Okay.
Good.
Okay, so the thing is that I ...
Wait, wait, wait.
You're jumping ahead.
Just hold on, and soon
we'll be conversing
back and forth
in a free-flowing
and open dialogue.
Here we are in two comfortable chairs
Eye to eye
making contact
Feeling good and ready to go.
Yeah, sure.
So, the thing is that I ...
No, no.
You don't talk yet.
First, we state the purpose
of our conversation.
The purpose of our conversation
is to clear the air
And establish a firm basis
for communication.
Why are you talking like that?
You sound like you're
reading something out of a book.
I do not.
I sound perfectly normal.
Step : I will ask you a question.
Now, you can choose
to answer the question.
Oh, for instance, it
could be something like say ...
What were you doing
till : this morning?
That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
I spent the whole night walking.
Walking and thinking.
You were walking and thinking.
What were you thinking?
Nica?
This may sound crazy
So I'm just going to say it.
I want to drop out of college.
You see?
Everything was going so well
And then you left the chair.
I mean, Murphy, the time I've
spent here has been so incredible
I don't want it to end.
And tonight, I realized that
it doesn't have to.
Oh, my God,
this is getting worse.
I really wish you'd sit down.
I have learned so much
about TV journalism this week.
Why should I waste four years in school,
when I could be out in the real world
Doing the work that I love?
But it's such a big decision
that I need your help.
Murphy, what should I do?
Oh, sure. Now, you're sitting.
Murphy, I need to hear
from someone I can trust.
Someone I know will be honest.
Okay.
You want to know
what I think?
I'll tell you.
I think you have a real shot
to make it as a journalist
With or without
a degree.
But college is the last
chance you have to learn
Just for the sake of learning.
Without worrying how you're going
to use it in your next story.
Are you kidding me?
Stay in school.
You sound just like my mom.
God, Murphy. I am so
disappointed in you.
That is the most predictable,
stupid advice I have ever heard.
Well, you know what?
That's the best advice
I know how to give.
And don't use
that tone with me.
Oh, forget it.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, no, you're not.
You get your little keister
right back here, young lady.
You've got some
explaining to do
Do you know that
for the last five hours
I've been worried that you were
lying in a ditch somewhere?
I didn't think that you'd be ...
Oh, you didn't think?
I suppose you didn't have ¢
for a phone call?
You'd lose your head
if it wasn't attached.
You know,
young lady there's a lot of ...
Murphy, you said it.
You called me a young lady.
Twice actually.
I did, didn't I?
I said young lady.
And you know what?
I liked it.
Oh, God. You're turning
into one of them.
It feels right.
Like some kind of torch
has been passed.
Yes!
Now, I'm going to bed.
And tomorrow morning,
You're going to catch
the first plane
back home to your mother.
But first,
Clean up this pigsty.
You think a genie's
going to do it for you?
And don't give me that look.
If you keep making that face,
it'll freeze that way.
And don't run with a stick.
You could put out an eye.
Stop it, Murphy.
You're scaring me.
I'll give you something
to be scared about.
Turn out some of these lights.
You think I'm made of money?
And scrub behind those ears.
You could grow potatoes back there.
Hey, I'm on a roll.
I'm going to write
some of these things down.