04x06 - The Great Bank Robbery

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw!'

It's a hot Hazzard's day.

Dukes are headin' for town to
make a very important deadline.

Cousin Boss, I'm tellin' ya

ain't been so much as a
possum cross here all afternoon.

Yeah, but I don't believe
you for one single second.

If you ain't seen nobody, it's
because you been sleeping

that's why, so just wake
up, do you hear me?

'If you don't give out tickets
how we gonna raise any money'

for the J.D. Hogg
relief, rehabilitation

and philanthropic fund.

Whose coffer happens
to be down to exactly zero.

What do I do, give
a ticket to a bird?

Just nobody been
around here, I'm tellin' you.

Hold on, wait. Okay,
here come the Dukes.

Here come the Dukes.

'Just give them a
ticket for speeding.'

A $ fine.

Cousin Boss, they ain't
speedin'. They're goin' slow.

So give 'em a
ticket for impedin'.

Speedin', impedin',
it's all same.

Same fine. Same $ .
Now go, get moving.

Well, okay, if you say so. Bye.

- What's got Cletus riled up?
- He wants us to pull over.

I've been driving
legal and everything.

If you pull over, we're
never gonna make it

to Mary Belle's cake shop
before closing. Come on.

That's right, floor it, Luke.

Yikes!

Wouldn't you just love to
read them job requirements

for a Hazzard County deputy?

If you're wonderin'
what the bank's doin'

open on a Saturday.

If Boss Hogg could make a dollar

he'd open it on Judgment Day.

Even if there wasn't
any time left to spend it.

And this here is
Clarence Stovall

one of Uncle
Jesse's oldest friends.

He's got only one more day to go

before he retires
on his pension.

Well, it's good.

Yes, Boss, what can I do for ya?

Silly little thing I
gotta discuss with you.

As of today, you're fired.

I'm fired?

But-but-but
that just ain't fair.

But-but-but, Clarence, just
because you're loyal, dependable

and hard workin' and ain't
missed a day on the job

in your life, ain't no reason
for me to keep you on

when I'm cuttin' down.

But you can't fire me. What,
what, what about my pension?

Pension? O-oh, ain't
you heard the news?

- What news?
- Well.

We're all gonna have to
help balance the budget.

'And I'm just doin' my share.'

So I ain't givin' no more
handouts to no freeloaders.

I ain't no freeloader.

Every week for years, you've
been taking $ . out of my pay.

And that was to accrue at
. % interest for years.

'At the time of my retirement'

I was to get the
residual benefits

from the principal
sum of $ , .

Oh, you're a whizz
at numbers, ain't you?

I'm just pr-protectin'
my rights.

Oh, yeah? You're
forgetting all about them

administrative costs,
carrying charges

advisory fees and
not to mention inflation.

So all that accruing
has been eaten up.

Eaten up?

And besides, you gotta
put in years on the job

before you're
entitled to a pension.

But I'm only one
day shy of years.

Yeah, one day and minutes.

And my advice to you
is you quit jarrin' here

and go clean up that
messy storeroom in there.

Or I'm gonna have to take
that minutes out of your pay.

I swear old Boss would drown
kittens to save a little milk.

Them Dukes don't know it yet

but Clarence's predicament's
gonna get them in more trouble

than a raccoon
trapped in a dog pound.

Hey, let's get inside and remind
Mr. Stovall the big shin dig.

Daisy, you got two
minutes to get that cake

from Mary Belle for
Mr. Stovall's retirement.

- I'm gone.
- Get us some sugar cookies.

- 'Okay.'
- Great.

You know, Boss.

I gotta hand it to ya.

You really know how
to handle the help.

Well, while your handing out
things, hand me the mustard.

And, Rosco, I just
did what I had to.

I mean, we gotta live
by the rules, don't we?

'And the fact that
this little old rule'

is gonna save me
, simoleons

in pension money
that Clarence won't get

just breaks my heart.

Well, it sure didn't affect
your appetite any, did it?

Can you tell Mr. Stovall the
Duke boys are lookin' for him?

Say, listen, if you Duke
boys have come in here

to argue about that
ticket you got from Cletus

for impedin', you
can just forget it.

Well, Boss, number one,
we didn't get no ticket.

But you were
supposed to get a ticket.

And number two, we
didn't come here to argue.

We need to do some
remindin'. Where's Mr. Stovall?

Well, Clarence is
out back somewhere

taking care of what's
gotta be taken care of.

And he can't be disturbed.

I could take a message
to him if you'd like.

Much obliged, Rosco.
Tell him that the doings

that Uncle Jesse's
planned for him

is going to take place
Monday. His last day of work.

Huh. Well, you're a
helpful boy scout, ain't you?

- Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey.

I'm here to save
you from yourself.

Oh, boy, look what we got there.

Oh!

- Oh, boy.
- Hi, Cletus.

Cletus, what are you doin'?
What did you do to my fleet?

Why didn't you give them
Dukes a ticket like you had to?

I'm gonna take care of
that right now, Cousin Boss.

I just wanna talk
to y'all for a minute.

Well, uh..

'Cletus we're all
talked out for today.'

Yeah, you just
keep in touch. Here.

Just wait till.. Thanks a lot.

'Bye, Cletus.'

I swear if it rained soup

Cletus's bowl would
be upside down.

Cletus, what's wrong with
you? I mean, what good are you?

I mean, you can't
give out tickets.

'You get your car full of water'

'and you look
like a darn wreck.'

It's not my fault.
Duke boys evaded me

right into Pringles pond.

- Pringles...
- Alright, alright.

Then I want them arrested
for rustin' county property.

Rustin' county property?

- Namely your patrol car.
- Yeah!

And the law says that there's
a heavy fine, plus damages.

There ain't no such law as that.

- Well, there is now.
- Well, there is now.

Come on, Cletus, will
you? Clean out your car.

'Clean it up real good.'

'And then fill out
the proper warrant'

and go arrest Bo and
Luke Duke, you hear?

Yes, sir.

- Oh, oh, oh!
- Oh, let me get it.

Clean it!

How's he doing?

Oh, I think he's gonna
be just fine, Uncle Jesse.

Get him healed up and
back out there in the woods.

I don't want him
gettin' my chicks.

Somebody comin'.

'Looks like Mr. Stovall.'

- Hey, Clarence, good to see ya.
- Jessie.

Hey, Mr. Stovall, you're in
time for dinner. We're havin' ribs.

I can't afford the time,
Bo. But thank you.

Clarence, you ain't goin'
nowhere for a Monday, are you?

Everybody's gonna turn up
for your retirement shindig.

Well, I'd be mighty
obliged to you

if you'd give 'em
my regrets, Jesse.

'But I'm leaving
this very minute.'

'I just couldn't
go off to Florida'

without sayin'
goodbye to my friends.

- But, Mr. Stovall...
- Now, Daisy, uh..

No buts.

If that's the way he wants it,
that's the way it's gonna be.

But, listen, Clarence, you are
gonna have some ribs with us

and spend the night before
taking such a long trip.

That's very kind
of you, Jesse, but...

Now, Clarence, like
I told Daisy "no buts."

Now, we'll just
go in the house..

No, no, no!

I haven't got the time, see.

Cletus, this is your superior
officer, Rosco P. Coltrane.

Listen, Flash and I here are
turnin' off on Sawmill Road.

'What's your point?'

- Just passed Pile Junction.
- That's an affirmative.

Uh, listen, Cletus,
we gotta be sneaky.

Gotta be real sneaky.
Gotta tippy-toe up on 'em.

I don't wanna hear
no sound, you got that?

Roger, Wilco. Whoever he is.

You mean to tell
me, Clarence Stovall

that you stole this
money from J.D's bank?

It don't make sense.

Not after them years of
honest and loyal service.

That's exactly the reason!

After all them years, Boss Hogg
snookered me out of my pension.

- 'I've done what I had to do.'
- Went and arranged your own.

I walked in before the vault
was closed to do my final cleanin'

and I walked out with the exact
amount of my pension money.

Thirty thousand dollars.

But you ain't told us, Clarence,
how Boss Hogg snookered you?

He fired me today.

One day short of my years.

'Said I don't qualify.'

Why, that low-down
dirty varmint.

Still, you can't let him being a
crook make a crook outta you.

You're right, Luke.

I guess, I got so mad,
I couldn't think straight.

Well, I guess it's too late
to do anything about it now.

Never too late, Clarence.

Now, we're gonna
see you outta this mess

'cause you're our friend.

And once you're a friend of
the Dukes, you're a friend for life.

Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, no, it's the sheriff.

'Let's hit it, Bo.'

Careful, if you're caught,
it's a year for every dollar.

We'll meet ya at
Jensen's Hollow. Hit it, Bo.

Alright, you two..
Pull over for the law.

Listen, you're under arrest.

You pay attention to me.
This is the law speaking.

We can't lose Rosco.

- Bo, look out!
- Huh!

Now, y'all see all that space?

Cletus is the one person
who'd have a wreck

with enough room to
build a barn on either side.

Oh, no!

'Ah!'

'That's one way to stop.'

Don't rub it in.

Oh, I love this.
This is my life.

Oh, ho, ho, I
love it, I love it.

Alright, you Dukes.

Alright, get outta that vehicle.

Rosco, what are you
gonna arrest us for this time?

That's for me to know
and for you to find..

Oh, Jesus.

'O-oh, what is this?'

I'm arresting you
for a bank robbery.

Wait, Rosco, we can
explain about that money.

Tell you who you're
gonna explain to.

You gonna explain to the judge.

"Cause this is real
money, I mean..'

Rosco, you know we
ain't no bank robbers.

Great gods of grits,
that's a fortune. Ew!

Oh!

Y'all should've seen Bo kick
the football for Hazzard High.

He was for , and no shoes.

Had he used his right foot

he would've put Rosco's
p*stol back in the holster.

Freeze it! Freeze it!

Bless your pointed little foot.

You sure dropkicked
us outta trouble.

Not quite.

You forgetting that Rosco
thinks we robbed that bank, now?

Yeah.

We best get to Jenson's Hollow

and figure how do
we get outta this mess.

'I'll drive, you
do the figuring.

You say, you seen them
Duke boys... with what?

- With my eyes.
- No, no, I mean the other.

Thousands of dollars
in the backseat.

- I mean just...
- Thousands?

I'm tellin' you the
backseat of that vehicle

looked like the countin'
room of the US mint.

You sure you ain't
been hallucinating lately?

I don't think so, unless
it was from hunger.

- I'm givin' you a test.
- Oh.

How many fingers
am I holdin' up here?

Um, four greasy ones.

- Well, you did see 'em.
- Yeah.

- Well then, we got 'em.
- We got 'em.

Prayin' them Duke boys ain't
gonna wiggle outta it this time.

Ain't gonna wiggle!

- Ha ha, here hold this.
- Ah, oh!

I gotta get me on the phone

and call up every
bank in these parts

'to see which one of
'em's been robbed.'

I said "hold it," not eat it!

All we gotta do is catch
them Duke boys with their loot

and then collect
the reward money.

And this time I
get / , right?

Uh-uh, the usual / .

But I saw it in
the car's backseat.

Yeah, and I figured out about
collectin' the reward money.

Bank, bank, bank.

Ah, here we are.

You know, Rosco,
you know something?

I just can't understand it,
how some people can be

such fools as to allow
their banks to be robbed.

- / .
- / .

Now, on the other
hand, you take my bank.

Well, my bank is a
% burglar proof.

You wanna know why?

- / ?
- / , I'll tell you why.

Because I have just
installed on my vault

a brand-new modern time lock.

And nobody, but
nobody can rob my bank.

- / !
- / !

I'll take it.

If Boss only knew that
that money Rosco had seen

was from his bank, he'd
be chokin' on that pork chop.

Well, the Dukes all met at
the old still site number one.

They was figuring how to pull
Clarence's bacon from the fire.

'Only way you're gonna
get out of this mess you're in'

is to get that money
back in the vault

before J.D. knows it's missing.

Can't be done, Jesse

What do you mean
it can't be done?

Boss Hogg will be there eight
o'clock on the dot Monday.

First thing he does
is open the vault.

Second thing he does
is count the money.

Then we gotta have
the money back in

before he opens the vault,
before the bank opens.

It'll be like bank
robbing in reverse.

Puttin' in instead
of taking out.

With the money there,
ain't been no crime.

- We're all off scot-free.
- How're you gonna do that?

Easier for a chicken
to lay a square egg.

Why, I got a key.

'You got a key?'

I also have the
combination to the vault.

I wasn't sittin' around that
bank like a toad on a stump

learnin' nothing for years.

He's got the key
and the combination.

Cousin, it's gonna be a
lot easier than we thought.

Fallin' off a log.

While Cooter was pumpin'
the sludge out of Cletus' car

again Cletus was on
the job, harassin' citizens.

Ah-hah!

Did I get.. Ah! O-oh.

You loitering that?

That is a violation
of civil code - b.

Littering.

That littering is
next to loitering.

As a matter of fact.

Loitering. L-O, loi, loitering.

L-O-Y-T..

Oh-ho-ho. Top of the
mornin' to you, Ms. Heferty.

Do you know you just jaywalked?
That's gonna cost you $ .

Of course, there was
a little social protest.

And that's
assaulting an officer.

That's free.

Using Cooter's garage
for a command post

the Dukes were just
about to start cooking.

Y'all, we got trouble.
Cletus is in front of the bank

writing tickets with both hands.

I wonder which one of
J.D.'s charity is in trouble?

Daisy, do you suppose you can
decoy Cletus away from there?

- Does a chicken have lips?
- No, but fish swim.

Now, that's gonna work.

Alright, once she's
got him occupied

we three make
mad dash over there.

At my age, I ain't much
good at dashing, Luke.

Maybe we better
forget the whole idea.

'Just a minute, Clarence.'

I don't know, but if you
was to trust Bo and Luke

with that combination and key

well, they'd do the
dashing for you.

Jesse, I feel real bad
about letting Bo and Luke

take all the risk
for my foolishness.

But they can do it.

- What do you say?
- 'Alright.'

Alright, here's the..
Here's the key and eh..

I promised we's gonna help ya,
and that's what we's gonna do.

And this here's the combination.
Don't you let anybody see that.

- Yes.
- You got it.

- Let's hit the road, Bo.
- Alright.

Careful.

They is good boys.

Eh, you're tellin' me, you
ain't had no robbery neither?

Not even an
itty-bitty little one?

Are you sure?

You absolutely positive?

What do you mean, I'm a.. Hello!

'Hello?'

Damn! Blast it!

Oh, I'm exhausted.

I've called up every
bank in these parts.

I've worn my finger
down to the nerve

yet, I can't find one single
bank that's had a robbery.

Listen, are you sure you've seen
them Dukes with all that money?

Oh, listen. Uh, I'm sure.
It's as clear as cider in a jug.

Well, one more time. How many
fingers am I holding up here?

- F-f-four!
- Eh!

Alright, how many pork
chops are there on that plate?

Wait a minute. Did I
eat all of them chops?

Oh, you must've, yeah.

No, there were more
when I went to the phone.

- Maybe you're hallucinating?
- Huh?

Listen, Boss, are you
sure you called every bank?

Yeah, yeah. I checked
every bank in this book.

There ain't a bank in this
whole state that I overlooked.

- Except one.
- Eh! Which one?

- Yours.
- Mine?

- Yours.
- Mine?

Yours.

Mine!

- Yours.
- Mine.

- Yours.
- Mine. Mine. Mine.

Come on, Rosco, we gotta go.

- Where we goin'?
- To my bank.

- What for?
- I've been robbed!

- Oh.
- Here, arm yourself.

Well, ho-how can
your bank be robbed?

You said it was
burglar proof, and-and..

Only a fool would let
his bank get robbed.

Yeah, well, only a
jackass would be positive.

Come on. Let's
not beat our gums.

We gotta check it out
fast. Move it, move it.

You never can tell
with them Duke boys.

They may have found some
way to crack open my new padlock.

Come on! Come on, let's go.

Oh, no-no-no! Get him
away. Get me outta here.

Bad excuse for a hound.
It's gotta go, you hear me?

Come on, move it! Quick!

'Cletus, can I talk to
you for a minute, sugar?'

- Yeah?
- Look here.

- Yeah?
- Cletus, not at me.

Come on, look at this sign.
Some person just knocked it.

Oh!

Since the boys had
to stay out of sight.

They figured it'd be
where no one was looking.

Up.

Aren't you a
public-minded citizen, Daisy.

I'll have this fixed.
I'm taking my g*n out.

No! Let me got you a rock.

- Here.
- The g*n might hurt someone.

That's true.

Make sure this
is right in there.

Honey, look what you've done?
Oh, Cletus. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, it don't hurt much, Daisy.

I'd give all my thumbnails
to see you smile.

I bet you say
that to all the girls.

Yeah.

That's gr.. Oh, that's good.

Key?

Takes all the fun out of it.

Get in there. Come on.

- You got that piece of paper?
- Yeah, got it right here.

- Start reading 'em number out.
- Now, let's see.

Ten to the right..

Come on! Come on!

Hold down the fort.

Dumb times for them to show up.

Don't come?

- Come on, will you?
- Yeah.

Let me try it.

'Oh, there it is.'

Boss. It's me.

- I thought you were behind me.
- Yeah, the door was locked.

Alright, come on in here.
Now, if anything moves, blast it!

'Your hear me? Blast it!'

Them boys are trapped
like two foxes in a hen house

with a sack full of eggs.

That's right.

Anything in here moves,
I'll blast it full of holes.

That's it, that's it,
will you keep careful

with that w*apon, you cowchip.

Alright, come on, we
gotta check the vault.

Alright. Oh-oh.

Well, it doesn't look like
it's been tampered with.

I guess nobody robbed you.

Alright, alright, alright.

Well, didn't I tell you I got
a % burglar proof bank.

You wanna twiddle it, open it up

and see if your cash is safe?

Rosco, you got splinters in
the windmills of your mind.

Oh, that's poetic.

Didn't I also tell you that I
put this time lock on the vault?

Yeah, there's a time
lock there, I see it.

Yeah, so, no way or no how
can nobody get inside there

'till Monday
morning at . a.m.'

'Okay.'

He he he, well now,
what we're gonna do

is figure out a way to trap
them Duke boys with all their loot.

Oh, yeah, and maybe
we could collect reward

on that stolen money.

Yeah, yeah, then
put 'em behind bars

for violatin' their probation.

Ain't you gonna
say, "I love it?"

Oh, well, yeah.
I love it! I love it!

'Wait a minute, I gotta get
me some more cigars for later.'

'Come on, I got some
over here in my desk.'

- Oh, what's that?
- Something's leakin'.

'Get some brains,
it's the sprinklers.'

We're on fire!
Somebody shut that thing.

Look at that, get them boys!

- What's that? What is it?
- I don't know.

We have some burglar on
bust. That's the alarm in the bank.

Hands up! The fire alarm..

Here you go.

The last time ol' Luke
tossed the ball to Bo

he dropped it.

Looks like the boys
are gettin' away.

Rosco, get 'em! Go
get them Duke boys.

No!

Oh, here, I'll get you.

No, no, let me go.
Let me go, will you?

Let me go. I'll use the gate.

Yeah, alright, now
shut the false alarm.

- Turn off the sprinklers..
- Yeah, I...

before my money gets
washed away, will you?

Still ain't got rid of
the money though.

I never should've got you
Dukes mixed up in my mess.

Uh, don't worry about it,
Clarence, we'll work it out.

We will?

Yeah, don't know
how, but we will.

Before the money gets all wet.

It's that Duke boys.
They turned this alarm on.

Get my money, my
money, my money.

- Well, it's still locked.
- The vault.

- It's still locked up.
- Yeah. Yeah, so it is.

And that's how I want them
Duke boys, locked up tight.

- You hear me?
- Yeah.

Alright. Now, I
gotta call Cletus.

I hope this thing still
works bein' all wet.

J.D. Hogg callin' the
Deputy Cletus Hogg.

Come in. Come in, will you?

'J.D. Hogg callin' the
Deputy Cletus Hogg.'

'Where in the blazes
are you, birdbrain?'

I'm on them Duke
boys tail, Cousin Boss.

Ooh, bless you, Cousin Cletus.

Alright now, don't you loose 'em

because I want 'em bad.

'They just broke into my bank.'

Oh, well, you got
it, Cousin Boss.

They ain't gonna
get away this time.

Oh no, not again!

Yes, Cletus, again.

Well, I'll be John Brown if
I wouldn't turn in my badge

and just go fishin'.

Oh no.

Perhaps we'll get Cletus
a drip-dry uniform, huh?

First, we gotta get
to Jensen's Hollow

and see if we meet
Daisy and Uncle Jesse.

This is J.D. Hogg callin'
Deputy Cletus Hogg.

Say hello from Roscoe.

Oh, I am not going to
say anything from you.

Cletus, Cletus,
will you come in?

Come in! Will you answer me?

'Uh, hello, it's damp out here'

Sounds like he's
in the pond again.

Phew!

This is a Saturday and..

I'm surrounded by nincompoops.

Wet nincompoops.

What are you doing?

I'm sorry. Oh, I'm
sorry, little fat buddy.

Oh, no-no, nevermind
that! Oh, nevermind that!

'Them Duke boys
have declared w*r.'

And I'm goin' to
be ready for 'em.

Therefore..

I'm gonna put a -hour round
the clock guard on this event.

Are you kiddin' me?

When am I gonna get a
little snooze, you know?

You gotta time
lock on that vault.

Well, time lock or no
I ain't trusting nobody

for nothin', no how,
no way, no more!

- Ooh.
- 'I'm orderin' you..'

..to call out the Hazzard
County Sheriff Reserves.

Oh! Yes, sir. Good.

If them Duke boys come
within yards on my bank

I want each and every one
of you to take aim and fire!

Oh no! No, no, no!

Back at still site number one

the Dukes and Clarence
were planin' again.

To top all the grief I bring
you, now you boys is fugitive.

Don't worry about
it, Mr. Stovall.

sh**t, we're use to that.

First thing we
gotta do is clear you.

We promised we was gonna
help and we're gonna help you.

- Ain't gonna be easy.
- Got any ideas, Luke?

That time lock that
Boss put on the vault

throws a monkey
wrench in other works.

Sure does, especially
since it doesn't open

till Monday at o'clock.

Uh, we'll all think
better over a little coffee

I-I'll get the water if
somebody will start the fire.

- Okay.
- Monday at o'clock.

That's when the money's
gonna havta' go back in the vault.

Sure, we're gonna walk
right in the middle of town

in broad daylight and
go into the bank, right?

'The time lock's gonna open
whether he's there or not.'

'Hey, he's takin' my jeep.'

'Hold on, Mr. Stovall.'

Believe me, I'm
turnin' myself in.

You're gonna do no such thing.
Now you pull over, you hear?

- Alright, keep it steady.
- You got it.

- Hey, where are you going?
- Watch your step.

'Oh, that's the craziest
thing I ever did hear of.'

What do you mean you're-you're
gonna turn yourself in?

You're gonna do no such thing.

You realize what'd happen
if you was to turn yourself in?

What are you tryin' to pull?

There ain't no use,
Jesse, I'm done for.

"Done for"? That's a word
us Dukes don't accept.

Especially, where our friend's
entire future maybe at stake.

We'll find a way out
of this, Mr. Stovall.

Now, look, why
don't y'all settle down

go home, get a
good night's rest.

Now me and Bo camp out, meet
you at Cooter's in the mornin'.

Alright, alright.
Daisy, you drive

and-and, Clarence, you
just quit this nonsense.

- We'll see you at Cooter's.
- Yes, sir.

Come on, let's go
back to the farm.

I tell you one thing, them
Dukes can do some plannin'.

Sunday mornin' came to
Hazzard. Boss missed church.

He was guardin' his bank
and the Dukes were back at

Cooter's tryin' to figure out
a way to put the money back.

I don't see why they can't wait
till Monday and make a deposit.

We ain't got, but
one chance left.

The vault's on a time lock, it
opens at : in the mornin'.

We have to figure out some way

of gettin' them
away from the bank.

Get Boss away from
checkin' on his money?

It'll be easier to put
socks on a rooster.

Not necessarily, Mr. Stovall.

Not if we create
some kind of ruckus.

What'd you think? Maybe a
fight, a crash or something like that.

Hey, y'all.

Wide halt!

Reserve Duty,
ready for duty, sir.

Boss is callin' reinforcements.

Ain't that Homer Sneed and
Bib Tarkey with badges on 'em.

Oh, dang. They two is in there.

Besides bein' voluntary firemen

they're deputy sheriff reserves.

This whole thing's gettin'
tougher by the minute.

Hold on, Uncle Jesse
just said the magic words.

- Which magic words is that?
- Voluntary firemen.

Now, Boss is a
fire chief, right?

That's right, why should
the fire department be spared

as inspired help.

That's gonna make it easy to
get everybody away from the bank.

You men have been called out
here to perform a sacred duty.

- Cousin Boss...
- To gaurd this here bank.

And protect the
money that's inside.

- Uh, Cousin Boss...
- Oh, Cletus, hush up.

And what makes it a sacred
duty is that money you're protectin'

is my money.

- Cousin Boss...
- Cletus, will you hush up?

Your big mouth is gettin' in
the way of this here deployment.

Boss, Daisy's jeep is parked
in front of Cooter's garage.

- What?
- Yeah, and where Daisy is..

The Dukes ain't far behind.

Alright, now, you men stay
here and guard the bank.

And keep a sharp eye, you hear?

Rosco, Cletus, follow me.

There.

If them Duke boys are in
there, our troubles are over.

But gonna be careful. Now,
let's just sneak up on them.

Alright, so much for sneakin'.

- Don't nobody move.
- Sorry, J.D., game's closed.

- I'll open for two matches.
- Where is Bo and Luke?

Who are you callin'? Uh,
we don't like them gamblin'.

'You may be able
to fool some folks'

but you can't pull wool
over my eyes, Jesse.

Your nephews are around
here, we're gonna find 'em.

'Alright one card, Cooter.'

Oh, that's dumb, Daisy.
Drawin' on four of a kind...

It's dumb you givin' away
my hand, now, hush up.

Cletus, you nut.
Oh, I heard the loft.

- They're up in the loft.
- Go get them, men.

Ain't nothin' up there
but the mice, J.D.

Yeah, and I'm the cat's meow.

Come on, drag them down here.

Yeah, you wanna go first?

Come on, will you? Move it!

They're still up
that ladder now.

Alright, come out of there

I hear your p*ssy
footin' around here.

- 'Go up and get 'em.'
- 'Just come on out.'

Must have been mice.

'Rosco, what's
goin' on up there?'

'Did you get 'em?
What's happenin'?'

Just hang on a couple of
ticks, we'll be in the clear.

Yeah, you got it.

Them boys better start
growin' some feathers

or flappin' their arms.

Oh no! That's them outside.

Get the cars ready.

Come on, move it on.

- 'Where are they?
- There they go.

- It's too late, too late.
- Too late.

Daisy Duke, I'm
commandeering your jeep

in the name of the law.

- He can't drive...
- Hey, wait a minute, you can't.

Well, Cletus, sh**t
at the tires, come on.

- Okay, I'm on it.
- Come on.

Cletus?

They're sh**t' at us, Luke.

Well, you better lose 'em fast.

Ooh, ooh.

- Boss, where's Cletus?
- Right here.

Oh, we left him behind,
you knucklehead.

Cletus, what are you
doin' hangin' up on that tree

makin' a monkey out of yourself?

What're we goin' this way
for? The Dukes gonna get away.

Oh, nevermind
them, them all gone.

Come on, Rosco, keep on
goin', we gotta get to my bank.

Keep these guys from there.

They're headin' back to town.

He's pickin' up his
drivin' stunts pretty quick.

Better check in on it, huh?

This here's the Lost Sheep
to Crazy C, come back.

Crazy Cooter comin' back
at you. Got my ears on you.

Comin' on long and strong.
What's the good word Lukas Bird?

Yeah, we're flyin'
back to the nest.

See you bright and
early in the morning.

Mornin' came to Hazzard

and the Hazzard bank
was under heavy guard.

At Cooter's garage,
the Duke forces

were synchronizin'
their watches.

That is, uh, they were
puttin' everybody's watches

on same time.

Let's get synchronized.
Everybody should have : .

: on the dot.

That gives us
minutes till the vault opens.

Now this whole plan depends
on everythin' goin' like clockwork.

Daisy and Cooter, get in
position. You're lookin' good.

- Daisy, got your stuff?
- Right here.

- See ya.
- See you when we see you.

Well, Uncle Jesse oughta
be goin' right about now.

Which means we
better get movin'.

Mr. Stovall, sit tight
with the money here.

We'll be by at
: to pick you up.

How'll I ever thank all of you?

As soon as we get that
there money in that there vault

you and I and everybody
else have us a shindig, alright?

Sit tight now, folks,
'cause here we go.

Cletus, suck it in there,
you're lookin' disgrace.

- Will you march on your side?
- I don't care whether...

Look out, them boys, get 'em.

Hey, Luke, did
they take the bait?

Hook, line and sinker.

I think that's them comin' now.

Daisy, you got
seconds, better hit it.

- They're late an hour short.
- Hey, how do I look?

Well, there's a
family resemblance.

Cletus, those Duke boys are
tryin' to pull another fast one.

'After 'em.'

Worked like charm.

Yeah, Uncle Jesse, oughta
be in position right about now.

What a time for a flat.

We gotta change it in
record time, else plan's dead.

Right on time.

Alright..

Here's smoke in your eyes.

Fire! Fire!

There's a fire, come on.

'We need all the help
we can get, come on.'

Fire! Fire! There's
a fire down there.

Fire! Fire!

Well now, this part of
Luke's plan was workin'

like a two dollar watch.

And so was this.

Uh-huh, that two dollar
watch is runnin' down.

'Come on, fellas,
time to board.'

But, Jesse, we can't,
we-we gotta gaurd the bank.

Oh, what's more
important, the Boss's money

or beholdin' duty
to put out fires?

Damn, the whole
town can burn down.

We need all the help we can get.

- Woo-hoo!
- Umm, me either.

- We're really behind now.
- We're never gonna make it.

We gotta make it.

Alright, good God.
There, I love it, I love it.

Alright, you Duke boys,
get out of the vehicle and...

Hey, Rosco.

- That ain't the Duke boys.
- Yeah, they ain't Duke boys.

Hi, Cletus.

'Daisy, you look real
good in that bar wig.'

Thank you, Cletus, you like it?

Will you hush, you dip stick.

We've been decoyed,
let's get back to the bank

before the Boss
is gonna skin us.

Well, Rosco's elevator don't
quite make it to the top floor.

'Get that vehicle out!'

We don't need that
ladder. Drop the ladder.

Give me the hose,
bring me some water.

Wait for me! Wait for
me. I'm comin', I'm comin'.

Dang it, Jesse
Duke, I ain't the fire.

Sorry, J.D., if you ask
me you're close to hot air.

Alright, alright,
I'm the fire chief.

I'm takin' charge.
Go there, go till there.

Clarence, get in here.

Hit it!

What on Earth is
goin' on in there?

- Somebody make a report.
- Ain't nothin' at all, chief.

Somebody just started the fire,
an ol' stove was on, no damage.

Well, the volunteer fire
department was called out

so that means a $
of lawmen fee which I get.

Uh, I mean, which the
firemen's pension fund gets.

Wait a minute,
Homer, Bib, you're here.

Well, who's gaurdin' the bank?

- Guardin' the bank?
- Oh.

You numbskulls, my vault's
about to open in a minute

and them Duke boys are scoopin'
up my unguarded money right now!

It's almost eight
o'clock. Right on time.

We're not out of this yet.

Jesse, what are you
plannin' to do to me?

I'm sorry, J.D., I
didn't see you comin'.

Oh, no, weren't you
waitin' for me one little bit?

You're in on this whole scheme.

And you'll get
your just desserts.

Oh, what time is
it? What time is it?

Eight o'clock, eight
o'clock, eight o'clock.

Open up them pearly gates.

Let's get that money
in there, Mr. Stovall.

It's past eight o'clock,
It's past eight o'clock.

: to be exact.

Past eight o'clock.

Ah, ain't them Duke boys.

What are you doin' here? I
know what you doin' here.

Stole all my money, didn't you?
You two, where have you been?

Well, the Duke boys decoyed
us away from the bank.

Yeah, past openin' time?

- Right.
- Well, it is past openin' time.

It is past openin' time.

Yeah, dangs, the
vault could be open

and the Duke boys
stole my money.

Well, you clap 'em in
irons while I check it out.

My money.

Where do you think you're goin'?

Oh, we figured since we're
facing bank robbery charges

we might as well be at
the scene of the crime.

We're gonna watch. After you.

What are you talkin'
about? Get in there.

- After me, Cletus.
- Oh, sorry, after you.

I got it, I got it. I got it!

'All my beautiful green money.'

Looks like there's
no robbing to me.

- Got nothin' on the Dukes.
- Will you hush?

You know he's right, we don't
have anythin' on the Dukes.

- No, we sure do.
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they still
haven't accounted for

what they was doin'
in this here bank

the other day
when it was closed.

And I call that
breaking in and entering.

- Boss, we was just testin'.
- Testin'?

- Testin'?
- Testin'?

We was testin' if your
bank was burglar proof.

It is burglar
proof, look at that.

Well, not the other
day, it wasn't, Boss

seems you failed the test.

Wha-what-what.. Don't..
Don't you fast talk me.

Look, you boys, are
in a mess of trouble.

And, Clarence Stovall,
what are you doin' here?

- Why, you're a fired employee.
- Fired?

Boss, if you don't
reinstate Clarence

I think we'll start spreadin'
that heart stoppin' story.

Wha-what heart stoppin' story?

About your bank vault not
bein' burglar proof like you say.

There you go again.

- We walked in clear as day.
- Even into the vault.

Seems to me that on the
right hand side as you walk in

there's a table that's got
eight stacks of small bills

that amounts to
$ , , isn't it?

That's where I found this money.

You were in there. Don't
tell anybody about it.

People will come in here,
they'd want the money back

there'll be a run on the bank
You know, I can't afford that.

Bo, we'd better go to
Boars Nest, tell all our friends

and neighbors about
the bank bein' unsafe.

Don't tell anybody about
it. Don't tell anybody.

Maybe we can work
some sort of deal.

Like gettin' Clarence
here unfired.

- Uh, what about my pension?
- Gettin' him his pension.

- That's right.
- Didn't say it's definite.

- Now, did I?
- Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't - No, he did not.

- Let's talk it over.
- Clarence, just come over..

And that's the way the
Duke boys got ol' Clarence

hired back for one more day
to qualify him for his pension.

The Boss, bein' the
sentimental sort, got all mushy.

Alright, Clarence, I got a watch
for you here someplace, uh..

Tell you what.. The
damn thing broke.

How do you like that? Look
at this thing, it broke in two.

I'm gonna give it to you anyhow.

This is thing just
snaps back in, I guess.

Well, you can get it
fixed. You know that.

Alright, good luck to you.

Put that clock away
'cause we want you

to have this fishing pole.

And you're not gonna be
worried about the time no more.

Now I ask you, wouldn't
you like to have friends

who'd break into a bank
to keep you out of trouble?

Sort of makes you
wanna move to Hazzard.

Don't.