04x04 - Coltrane vs. Duke

[bunniefuu]

'Yee-haw!'

Somebody once said,
"The more the things change

the more they remain the same."

That's sure true in Hazzard.

For example, the corn crop is
in and the Dukes taxes are due.

And if they ain't paid on time

Boss Hogg gets the farm.

You can bet he sure plottin'
to see they ain't paid on time.

Like sendin' up
Rosco to delay 'em.

Them Duke boys. I'm
gonna cuff 'em and stuff 'em.

I love it. I love it.

Well, looks like Rosco
knew we'd be takin'

shortcut through Mud Flats.

We've got no time
to play with him today.

I tell you, Flash,
police work's my life.

He was hangin' in
there though, ain't he?

Yeah, real thoughtful of him.

Seein' as how we gotta get
that tax money in by o'clock.

Hang on.

They don't scare me.
I got nerves of steel.

What ya think you're doin'?
Get off the road, Rosco!

Flash! O-oh! No!

'Luke, you think Rosco's okay?'

Yeah, I'd say so.

That mud's gotta be even
softer than his head is.

Dang! Oh! Hey, wait a minute.

Mr. Hogg... am I keepin'
you from somethin', Mr. Hogg?

Mm? Oh, no, no,
no, Mr. Christal.

Quite the contrary.

I mean what could be
more important to me

than to be able to give you the
chance to make Hazzard County

the home of Christal
Mountain Beer.

And mighty fine beer it is, too.

It's according to
county records, the land

with the mountain stream
that I'm interested in

belongs to family named Duke.

Yeah, it does, but only for
another two and a half minutes.

Now, how do I go about
just finding this Duke family?

Don't you get it?
You don't have to.

If they don't show up here
in two and a half minutes

with that tax money, I'll just
slap a lien on the property

take possession and then,
I'llbe able to sell it to you.

At a little itty-bitty
profit to me, of course.

Ah, Mr. Christal.

Listen, have you checked all
your figures and everything?

Well, I don't have
anymore figures to check.

- You don't?
- I just wanna buy the land.

I know, but be sure
before it's all in wrong place.

'Can we get started?'

Have some of my private
stock. Take anything you want.

- Boss, we got that tax money.
- Yeah, right here.

Well, I know when Jesse
collected this year corn money.

There sure was enough time
to get it here without speedin'.

'Which is against the law.'

If we were speedin', Rosco
would've caught us, wouldn't he?

Rosco, Rosco, Rosco.

I'm in here wheelin'
and dealin' my tail off

and that loaf is out there
lollygagging all over town.

You got him wrong. You can
call Rosco who's stick in a mud.

Say, Bo, we shouldn't
wear out our welcome.

Hey, thanks for being so tight.

See you later.

What's goin' on, anyhow? Oh.

Dang, that Rosco!

Mr. Hogg, I have
thought about this enough.

I wanna buy the land. And I
am willing to pay top dollar.

And then Christal Mountain
Beer will be bigger than ever.

Alright, I'll get the proper
papers to you in couple of days.

- But I am very anxious to...
- To go, ain't you?

Well, then go, go.
Don't let me stop you.

Just go right out that way.

That way and I'm goin' this way.

Rosco! Rosco! I've had
it up to here with you.

- You hear me?
- No, Boss. Not now.

Soon as I get cleaned up

Flash and I are gonna catch
'em and cuff 'em and stuff 'em.

You oughta cuff
and stuff yourself.

And toss them useless bones
of yours into the hoosegow.

- You hear me?
- Well, listen...

I'm accusing you
of dereliction of duty.

Are you kidding me? I've
never derelicted in my whole life.

- Oh, no?
- No.

Then how come them Duke
boys made it with them tax money?

Here's what happened, you see.

Those Duke boys
ran me off the road

and caused me to
have a little accident.

Rosco, how many times
have them Duke boys..

- Wait a minute.
- What?

- Oh, wait a minute.
- What?

Say, them Duke boys
run you off the road?

And actually caused you
to have a little accident?

That was a little
accident in the mud...

Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

All is not lost.

- Rosco.
- What?

You poor thing. You
poor miserable thing.

- Well, I am miserable, see..
- You're hurt.

- No, I ain't.
- Oh, yes, you are.

Look at ya? I mean,
ain't that whiplash?

- Oh, no...
- Your bones, they're all broke.

- No, that's a elbow.
- Oh.

You are seriously, grievously,
and I think permanently hurt.

- I am?
- You are!

Oh. Well, I never knew
pain could feel so good dang.

Yeah. Well, you're
gonna feel a lot better.

This is my lucky day.

- Your lucky day?
- Yeah!

Now, I got a way to get
hold of them Dukes land.

All legal like awarded to me.

- I mean, to you.
- To me?

That is to us in a real court

by a real judge,
fair and square.

No, don't touch me.

Boss planned to dig
into his nefarious plans.

Call ol' Slick Doggins.

The man with fifty faces.

And a personality to match.

J.D. Hogg? I'd recognize your
scheming caterwaul any place.

Tell me, you still
trying to sell that swamp

for retirement village?

Listen, you flim-flamming fox.

You shilled my first takers
on that deal, and you know it.

So, what are you up to now?

Tryin' to sell that
watered-downed oil stock.

The man's a pure genius.

Right now, I'm a fine marshal.

And I am taking bribes from
no good cheating builders.

Well, you know
that's downright illegal.

You're absolutely right.

If I was a real fine marshal.

Now, tell me, J.D. What exactly
is on your mischievous mind?

Well, listen, Slick, I'm
in great need of a doctor

as in M.D. to help
in an accident case.

As in whiplash.

Tell me, how much is this doctor
as an M.D. gonna be making?

Oh, about ten
percent of the take.

Ten percent? For ten percent
you expect me to make house calls?

Fifteen, but that's top.

For twenty percent you get
a doctor and an ambulance.

Not to mention, a proper
white coat, stethoscope

and a fine bedside manner.

Alright, alright, I'll do it.

But just get yourself right over
here to Hazzard County Court.

You hear me? And do it quick.

It's gonna work.
It's gonna work.

Oh, good news. Good news.

Oh, Boss, what
percentage do I get?

We'll talk about it
later after you recover

from your serious, grievous
and permanent injury.

- I sure hope I heal quick.
- Yeah. You better not!

- What?
- Until after the trap.

Now, ain't that Slick?

Yeah... that's Slick.

Doctor, doctor, thank
goodness you're here.

You better hurry. The
victim is in my office.

- Thank you, sir.
- Yeah.

What's going on, Boss?

It's Rosco. He's
been hurt awful bad.

- What happened?
- 'It was an accident.'

An accident caused
by the lawless, reckless

and irresponsible
driving of them Duke boys.

Be that as it may,
I mean, Rosco...

Look, I ain't got
time to jaw now.

Rosco's got every
bone in his body broke.

Sorry to hear that, Boss.

Maybel, will you get me
the Jesse Duke farm please?

So, Cooter dropped the
bad news on the Duke boys.

I can't understand how Rosco
could've been hurt so bad.

Yeah, he looked fine to
me. Fine for Rosco, anyway.

I guess sometimes
injuries take a while

to come on and make
their effects known.

And with somebody like Rosco..

When you're slow,
I guess you're slow.

- Listen, Slick.
- 'Hmm.'

Just how much do you figure
I'm gonna get on this deal?

- You got blue cross?
- Are you kiddin' me?

You, quack! You..

Gentlemen, I'm,
I'm doctor Doggins.

You personal
friends of this poor

and unfortunate victim
of some reckless driver?

We don't know how that happened.

You're in much pain, Rosco?

- Oh!
- Anything we can do to help?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As a matter of fact there
is something you could do.

You can show up in
court tomorrow morning

to answer charges in that
subpoena you now hold.

"Bo and Luke Duke
for damages inflicted

on one Rosco P. Coltrane,
the amount of $ , ."

$ , ? You crazy? We
ain't got that kind of money.

Well, Judge Potts will be
convenin' court at a.m.

Now, you boys can be
there if you find the time.

Although, it ain't
really necessary.

On account of my client
here... as an open and shut case.

Did I hear right or did Maybel
have her wires crossed again?

You heard it right, $ , .

But I thought you said he was
unhurt. He was sitting there.

When we saw he
was just sitting there.

- I'd sit there too for $ , .
- What do you mean?

'How come you're taking
J.D.'s word that he's hurt?'

You never took J.D.'s
word for anything before.

I know, Uncle Jesse,
but we both saw him

sitting there all bandaged up.

Yeah, but with that crowd
that don't mean doodly-squat.

You could be right. Wonder
just how hurt he really is.

Well, if they're
gonna take it to court

there's gotta be a
medical report somewhere.

Could be on file over
at the records room.

Let's take a look at it, huh?

Don't get your ears in it.

Now, what do you think
you're doing, you fleabrain?

Oh, listen, Boss, you
shouldn't insult Flash like that.

You're the fleabrain.

You're supposed to be suffering
from whiplash and broken bones.

So get back in that
bed now. You hear me?

Listen, Boss, listen.

Sittin' in this bed
all day is boring.

Yeah, I don't care
if you're bored.

You're gonna stay
put, understand?

Well, I'll tell you somethin',
I ain't happy about it.

What?

Alright, would you just tell me

what it would take
to make you unbored?

Well, you could read to me.

- Read to you?
- 'Yeah.'

- I'm bored, I'm restless.
- Now, wait..

Alright, alright. I'll
read. I'll read! I'll read!

- Okay.
- What do you want me to read?

Jack and the Beanstalk.

Jack and the Beanstalk?

- Oh, now wait...
- I gotta move.

I'll read! I'll read! I'll read!

Sit down here. Right
there. This is my fav..

Listen, now, Boss, if you
know the end, then don't tell me.

'Cause I'm only on page six.

Page six.

- Don't show me the pictures.
- Alright.

"Alright, Jack got to the
top of the stalk and then...

Wait a minute.
Don't read so fast.

Read it slow.

"And then, he saw the castle.

Oh, yes, yes.

"Suddenly, he
heard loud footsteps.

O-oh, what, what is it?

"And then a tremendous roar.

"Fee fie fo fum...

D-don't do that. Don't
read that fee fie like that.

That's scary. Don't
do that. Do it natural.

- Fee fie foo fum.
- Yeah.

We should read about
the giant. The big one.

Then he looked up.
It was a big giant."

I know, I told
you it was a giant.

It's gotta be here.

Oh, hi, Bo. Hi, Luke.

- Hi, Cletus.
- Hi, Cletus.

Hey, what are you
guys doing here?

Hey, come here.
Where are you guys?

'We're here, Cletus.'

Hey!

You alright, buddy?

- Gimme this one right there.
- Alright.

No, forget that
one. Get this one.

- Alright.
- No, gimme this one.

Look, they're all the same!

Here, take this one.

Little more breeze,
if you please.

Alright.

Boss, Bo and Luke
broke in the file room

and they got away from me.

- Oh, breakin' and enterin'?
- Yeah.

- Resisting arrest?
- Yeah.

Alright, listen.

Alright, you get out there
and you catch them fugitives

from justice and you toss
them in the clink, you hear me?

- How you feeling, Rosco?
- Oh, forget about him.

Hey, Boss, I wonder what them
Duke boys wanted over there?

Well, they was probably going
after your medical records.

And who knows what they
might be going after next?

- 'Why, it could be you.'
- You mean me?

No, no, no. That won't
do. You can't hide here.

Listen, till the trial tomorrow
morning, we gotta stash you

somewhere else where
they will never find you.

- And I know just the place.
- Oh, where?

My fishin' cabin at
Lake Chickamahony.

They're gonna
sneak a little snooze.

Ain't that the same ambulance
that was parked in town?

It sure is. I wonder
what it's doing here.

Don't know. Stick tight
with 'em. Let's find out.

- Oh, don't look now, J.D.
- What, what?

Them Duke boys are followin' us.

What? That's all we need
now. Alright, lose 'em, lose 'em.

- You hear me?
- I'll try.

Cletus, Cletus.
Now, where are you?

Them fugitives from
justice are following us

up here on Mill road.

They're staying right with us.

Alright, alright.
Come on, come on.

Slow down, you..

Or I'll really get a whiplash.

Oh, just hide your
back there, will you?

Oh! The door's open.
The door's open.

Oh, oh, oh!

Looks like old
Rosco will be happy

to settle for a whiplash.

Oh, no! Patient overboard!

Would you look at that?

Come on! Come on! I
don't wanna lose him now.

Keep steady now. Hang on, Rosco.

I feel like a cow
chipped in a wind tunnel.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Oh, what an experience.

I don't wanna do that anymore.

Don't anybody touch
my patient, please.

Listen, you boys!

Your recklessness is a
menace to this society.

Come on, Boss. Luke
just saved Rosco's life.

Cletus! Cletus! Here are
your breakers and enterers.

Why do you want
me to stop 'em, Boss?

Well, somebody's gotta
go jail. It's them or you.

It ain't gonna be me, for sure.

- Hey, watch it..
- Come on, that's our..

Hey! They're gettin'
away. Cletus, you baboon!

I'm going.

That was a horrendous
roller coaster ride.

Beautiful, I could roll all
the way to Mississippi, Boss.

I said, hush.

Now, listen, just in case
them Duke boys figured out

that we was going to
Lake Chickamahony

I gotta find another place
to stash your carcass.

In like where?

Like the County Jail.

That's once place
they'd never look.

Come on, let's go.

You, quack, I wouldn't have
fallen there in the first place

if you hadn't, you hit the, you
know what could have happened.

Well, the trial is
in the morning.

And all the Dukes got
is Cletus on their tail.

Which happens only
from carrying out any plan

if they had one..

Which they ain't.

And old clock is still tickin'

Hang on, Luke.

- Yee-haw!
- Yee-haw!

Go..

Alright, this jail is a
better place to be in.

- Y'all settled in?
- This is a lot of fun.

- I really like this.
- Good, good.

- Only one thing, Boss.
- What?

All this exercise is
giving me a terrible thirst.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

What I wish you do is mix me
a new batch of that juice there.

It's blackberry juice
and soda water.

- Listen, I'm tired...
- I want you to add some honey.

And some peanut
butter to give it body.

- No, I ain't gonna...
- Don't forget the cinnamon.

Because that gives it zing.

Listen, I'm not
doin' this no more.

Hey, you, put that away. It's
your turn to make him happy.

You are payin'
me to be a doctor.

Not a waiter for
this nincompoop.

Nincompoop? You're a quack.
I wouldn't have him wait on me.

I'm gonna break
your legs for real.

Boss, listen, I like
the way you do it.

And listen, after dinner
what I'd wish you do

is to read me Jack and
the Beanstalk again.

- What?
- Yeah.

I read it to you
seven times already.

- Well, I like it.
- I'm sick of readin' that book.

You hear me?
I'm sick! Sick! Sick!

I'm sick of feeding you.
I'm sick of coddlin' you.

I'm sick of fannin' your face.

I'll go right upstairs
and do it myself.

No, stay here. Stay here.

Don't go out and show
yourself. You hear me?

Anything you say.

Afraid, he's got you
where he wants you

but remember, it's
gonna be worth it.

He's right, but you remember

you're gonna get the
Duke farm fair and square.

I do, don't I?
Ain't it wonderful.

If you'd be kind to push
me over there at the table?

Alright, I will.
Hey, wait a minute.

This chair is powered.
You go push yourself.

But I like the way you do it.

When you get me over there,
and I quench my powerful thirst

I want you to peel me a grape.

Since they couldn't find
old Rosco, the Dukes

had a family council
to talk things out.

All folks ought to do that.
Sometimes it even helps.

What took you so long?

On our way, Cletus followed us

hoping we'd lead him to y'all.

Yeah, we looked in the
Boars Nest and all the buildings

around that J.D. owns
and no sign of Rosco.

Yeah, we checked out
all the old still hideouts too.

- No sign of anybody.
- Boss sure got him hid well.

He's gotta be somewhere.

'Alright, boys,
right over here.'

I want to divert that
stream right in here.

And go right by the brewery.

Who's that?

I don't know. One
way to find out.

Hey, there. What you doing?

What the heck you guys
surveying our land for?

You must be the Duke family?

That's right. And this here,
is our forty years of vain.

Well, I know that, sir.

Mr. Hogg said he'd sell it
to me in a couple of days.

J.D. Hogg said he'd
sell you this land?

This land we're standing on?

Yeah, gonna build
a brewery right here.

- How's that?
- Right over there?

Well, the more the Dukes
heard about the building

of a brewery here and
old Boss's involvement

the more all the pieces
began to make a crock.

That's certain now.

By the way, ain't that
a good looking family?

It's definite that Rosco's
faking them injuries.

Things are getting so
desperate for old Boss..

They even swore in another
deputy to help old Cletus.

Emery Potter, raise
your right hand.

Now, do you solemn this swear
to pull the laws of Hazzard County

and devote full
time to apprehending

all criminals hereabout?

Mainly, including
them Duke boys.

Mr. Hogg, sir, I'm not real
comfortable wearing a uniform.

Will you just raise
your hand and say, I do.

And driving fast
upsets my stomach.

Look, Emery, Cletus
needs lots of help

in capturing them
fugitives from justice.

Go on, now, just say, I do.

I'm not what you'd
call a physical person.

Oh, Emery, you know, in that
there uniform you sure do bear

a striking resemblance
to that great hero

General Stonewall Jackson.

- I do?
- You're sworn.

Alright, come here.
You get out there.

I don't wanna see you till you
got a Duke boy on that cuff.

And get moving.

He don't look like
Stonewall Jackson.

Oh, will you go?

Meanwhile, old Jesse
decided to place the call

to his own expert witness.

Doc Apple.

Goodbye.

Well, all that's gotta happen
is the boys pick the doc up

first thing tomorrow morning,
and get him to the trial.

Well, that's great. Boss
ain't gonna win anything then.

Nothin'. Nothin'.

Only problem is... the
boys might get caught

violating their probation
going into Chickasaw County.

"But Jack was too late.

"With the sound of
earth was cracking open

"the beanstalk
crashed to the ground.

"There, tangled with
it's stems, lay the giant.

- It's dead.
- Yeah, dead. You got it.

- Take this.
- Yeah, let me..

Hello.

Oh, hi, Maybel. What is it?

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, they did? And they will.

You sure know what side of
the bridge your butt is, don't ya?

Well, thank you, honey.
Yeah, I won't forget about it.

Cletus, Emery, you out there?

Yeah, Cousin Boss, we sure are.

'Well, listen.'

Tomorrow morning
Bo and Luke Duke

are going to Chickasaw County.

Now, this is your chance
to catch them criminals.

And listen, you
better catch 'em.

We know where they're going.

All we gotta do
is block the road.

That's as easy as pouring water
out of a boot with instructions

written on the bottom.

Yeah, that'll be the day.

Well, the morning of the
trial, the road block was set up

across the shortest way
into Chickasaw County.

No way no Dukes gonna cross
this bridge. No way, no how, no..

They'll cross this bridge just
as soon as pigs got wings.

Yup.

Just as soon as pigs got wings.

Now, look what
they've gone and done.

Gotta admit, they're
trying real hard, aren't they?

Hold on.

We outfoxed the Dukes.

Unless they went back for help.

They ain't going back for..

Where are they going?

They're gonna jump it.

They can't jump that.
Houdini couldn't jump that.

Ha ha ha. Hang on this time.

'Yaa-hoo!'

They jumped it.

I call this here
circuit court to order.

- Uh, uh, excuse me, Judge...
- Oh, I object.

How's come you're objecting
when I ain't said nothing yet?

Uh, Your Honor, I was
wonderin' if we might hold up

these proceedings
for just a little while

till I get a couple
of witnesses here.

Well...

Your Honor, let
me just explain that

what Mr. Duke is actually
askin' this court to do

if you can believe it

is to hold up all these
here proceedings

and just wait for his
nephews to get here.

Uh, two criminals
who just happen to be

fugitives from justice.

- Is that true, Mr. Duke?
- Technically, it might be true.

Well, in that case, let's
proceed with the trial.

Now, council for
the plaintiff begin.

Your Honor, we are here today..

For this court to learn

why my client, Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane

who was seriously, grievously
and permanently injured

through the negligence of them
two aforementioned criminals

should be properly compensated
for having every bone

in his poor body broke
into itty-bitty little pieces.

I object, Your Honor!

Overruled. Go ahead, Mr. Hogg.

- I will.
- I still... object.

Sit down! Go ahead, Mr. Hogg.

Your Honor, you gotta
listen to our side of the story.

Your Honor, I object
to all these objections

from these objectionable people.

I object to that!

- I object.
- I object too. Now, y'all...

Councillor's right. Now,
please, hold all the objections.

Try again, Mr. Hogg.

Your Honor, I call for my
first witness, the poor victim

Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane.

That dang trial started already.

The stork had to pick
this morning for delivery.

Alright, we can still make it.

Come on, doc,
let's hit the road.

Sorry, boys. Looks
like it's gonna be twins.

It was a humongous accident.

I mean, to tell
you, I'm in misery.

I think every hair on my
head's got a compound fracture.

Oh, I don't know
about you, Your Honor

but this sure is the
saddest story I ever heard.

Now, Your Honor,
I'd like to introduce

as a piece of
supportin' evidence

Sheriff Coltrane's miserable
little hound dog, Flash.

- Ah.
- Oh, come on!

'Here's Flash.'

- Easy.
- Yeah, sit her down. There.

Alright, go on, go on, go on.

Judge, you can see what
a horrendous crash it was.

In fact, it was so sudden
that every tick and flea

on Flash's miserable,
wrinkled little hide was shook off.

Yeah, right on the hand.

Be right with you, boys.

- We can still make it, right?
- Yeah.

Uh, boys..

Gotta be kiddin'. Not triplets.

They're lucky he ain't a vet

some dogs have
a dozen to the litter.

Well, that does it, Your Honor.

I rest my airtight case.

You have anything to say?

Yes, Your Honor, I do.

You see, us Dukes,
we hold our land sacred.

Well, that land has been in the
Duke family since it was.

- Y'all set, doc?
- Yeah.

Alright.

Now, waiting down the
road was Sheriff Little

of Chickasaw County.

He only loved one
thing... his badge.

And hated two things,
Dukes and Rosco Coltrane.

Why, every night he
prayed to his maker

that he could nail the
Duke boys before Rosco did.

- Sorry for the delay, boys.
- It's alright.

- We'll just take a shortcut.
- Yeah.

Old Sheriff Little has
rigged a extra horses

under the hood..

Pull over.

Just for times like this.

You know, by the time
them boys get to the trial

the farm's gonna be gone

and that brewer's gonna
be sellin' beer on TV.

'Course, havin' extra
horses don't mean no haulin'

unless you know how to drive.

- He don't look pleased.
- 'I'll get you.'

- I wouldn't be either.
- 'He's too big to be that mad.'

'...let's get outta here.'

You gonna be
alright, doc. We got it.

And so you see, Your
Honor, a man's land is his soul.

And in the spring, when
new life comes into the ground

why, it comes
into the farmer too

'because he is the ground.'

Well, Your Honor, I
don't know what I'd do

if I... didn't have no more
springs to look forward to.

Uh, thank you, sir.

Mr. Duke, your story
is heartwarming..

But I gotta make my
decision and move on.

This court awards to the
plaintiff, Sheriff Coltrane

the sum of $ , .

Ooh! Good news!

- No!
- I ain't got $ , .

- All we got is that land.
- Exactly so.

And, Your Honor, my
client is more than willin'

to except that farm as
proper compensation.

So be it.

The Duke farm is
awarded to Sheriff Coltrane.

Court's adjourned.

Hang on a minute! Wait
a minute. Stop the trial.

- What happened?
- We lost everything.

Oh, no, no, no. You
didn't lose everything.

Why, out of the
goodness of his heart

uh, my client is willin'
that you keep everything

except the land.

- Ain't that nice of me?
- Yeah.

Me, out of the
goodness of my heart

I'm gonna drop all the
charges against you Duke boys.

- Ooh, that's nice of you too.
- That's right. It sure is.

So, you Dukes have everythin'
off that land by o'clock

includin' the house
and barn, you hear me?

- 'Now, clear the room.'
- Terrific.

Was the trial too much for him?

- He's lookin' a lot better now.
- Don't touch me, quack.

- Come on, we'll get you back.
- No, no, no.

You-you boys got
a lotta work to do.

I'll, uh, I'll take a bus.

Did you fellas scare doc?

Yeah, we didn't mean to.

You suppose there's any
reason why Boss picked o'clock?

Well, sure.

That's about how long
it'll take for that judge

to get over into Atlanta
and file them papers.

And once they're filed

there ain't no way we
can get that farm back.

- Y'all can stay at the house.
- Thanks, Cooter.

Flash, you were
so good in court..

You almost made me cry.

- You know something?
- Yeah.

Flash could sure use a nice
little walk right about now.

- She could, huh?
- Yes.

Well, that's good. Go
tell her to walk herself.

You mean, you don't have
to be nice to me anymore?

Are you kiddin'?
The trial is over.

- I'm through bein' nice.
- J.D., J.D.

- Huh?
- Papers haven't been filed yet.

That's right. The papers
ain't been filed yet.

- Yeah, alright.
- Flash wants to take her walk.

Well, listen, I
ain't gonna do it

on account of, that
hound hates my guts.

Alright. I'll take
her myself then.

No, you won't. Stay
there, stay there.

Cletus, get your fat
carcass down here

and take this mongrel
mutt out for a walk.

Sure was nice of Boss to leave
us everything except the land.

Figure out how we're
gonna move the house.

Movin' the house would be
easier than movin' the barn.

You boys sound
like you've given up.

Yeah, we still
have a little time.

Leastways until that judge
files the papers in Atlanta.

- Probably halfway there by now.
- 'Unless he had a flat tire.'

There's still oughta be a way
to prove that Rosco's fakin'.

I mean, we all know he is.

Flash, come on.

Let's go.

Like I said, if we could
prove that he's fakin'.

Don't give up the
farm yet, Uncle Jesse.

Hiya, Cletus. Hey, Flash.

- How you doin'?
- Oh, 'bout half..

I know what you mean.
Just out for a walk.

Cletus, I cannot believe
you're lettin' Bo get away with it.

Boss dropped all the charges.

No, no. I don't mean
that. I mean that.

'What? Eatin'?'

Ain't no law against
eatin', Cooter.

Ain't no law against eatin'

but there is a law
against litterin'.

Don't you remember what Miss
Mackery said in the th grade?

"Keep Hazzard clean."

I hate litterin'.

- Hold Flash, will ya?
- Sure.

- Hey, Bo.
- Hey, Cletus.

What do you think you're
doin'? You can't do that.

You can't throw peanuts
on the ground, that's litterin'.

- I'll give you a ticket.
- 'You want one?'

- 'Yeah, thanks.'
- Take the whole pack.

- Hey..
- Tell you what?

Give me the ticket
when you catch me.

Bo! Come back here. Bo!

- 'Hey, wait a minute..'
- Hey, Flash. Come here.

Let's go get us
some fat bag, baby.

Make way!

- 'You're all wet, Cletus.'
- Dammit!

That Cletus has
got deceptive speed.

- He's slower that he looks?
- Yeah, right.

Hey, Flash.

Yeah, now that we've got
her, what we gonna do?

We gotta get Boss out of the
way. That's up to you, Daisy.

Then we get Rosco up and
around and get a picture of him.

Then we get the
picture to that judge

before he gets the
papers to Atlanta.

Don't slurp.

Dr. Doggins here.

Uh, yes. J.D., it's for you.

Huh? Oh.

Hello? Hello?

Commissioner Hogg?

Well, I wear a lotta hats, honey

which Commissioner
Hogg do you want?

I wish to speak to Land
Development, Commissioner Hogg.

You got him.

This is Mr. Crystal's
secretary callin'.

Oh, listen, uh, tell
your boss that, uh

we can all sign them
papers this afternoon.

Well, Mr. Crystal has
had a change of mind.

He's now considerin'
another parcel of property

five miles north of town.

Another... five miles nor..

Eh, wait, wait a minute,
that'd be the Mulberry farm.

Well, I don't own that place.

Perhaps, you can tell him
yourself, commissioner.

He is out there right now.

Yeah. I'll go out
and tell him myself.

Bye.

- Bye.
- Hey, Boss.

Listen, listen. That
soup made me hot.

It's stuffy in here.
Stuffy, stuffy, stuffy.

- Come here and fan me.
- Oh, go fan yourself.

Oh, oh, naughty, naughty.

You better be nice to me
until those papers are filed.

Got you in the palm of my hand.

- Oh, no, you don't.
- I don't?

On account of, I don't
need your farm no more.

So, you can just take
your soup and slurp it.

Ooh! You just, wait
a minute, you just..

Oh..

I sure don't get.

All of a sudden..

That Mr. Crystal...
wants the Mulberry farm.

Mm. Mm.

I sure thought the Duke place
would be good enough for him.

Well, I just gotta get
myself out there now

and change his mind pronto.

Alright. Let's go.

Rocso! Hey, Rosco,
we got some bad news.

Man, I can't believe
they grabbed that dog.

- What do we do?
- I don't know, Flash's gone.

'It's hard to imagine life
around here without Flash.'

- Why don't we call the FBI?
- You better do that.

Those guys are mean. There's
no tellin' what they're gonna do.

Hey, FBI?

This is Bo Duke over
at Hazzard County

I'd wish to report a dognappin'.

- Flash?
- 'The dog's name is Flash.

- Did they say Flash?
- You're not supposed to move.

Wait, wait. Rosco,
Don't move, don't...

Get you're hands
off of me, you quack.

- Flash, daddy's coming.
- Rosco, wait, wait.

Didn't they have a rope?

- Yeah and chains.
- They had rope and chains.

What did, what did
you say about Flash?

They got her, they're
headin' down Main Street.

If you run you
can still catch 'em.

Flash, daddy's comin'.

Alright, Rosco, we're
right behind you.

'Daddy's comin'.'

There he is.

Now, hold it, Rosco.

- Go, boy.
- Alright.

Alright. I'm not
kiddin' this time.

Mr. Crystal, he wasn't
after Mulberry place.

- He wasn't?
- No. Somebody hoodwinked me.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Hey, Boss, say grit.

Yeah, I'm takin'
pictures today, Boss.

'What pictures are those?
What are you doin' here?'

- Did anybody take your picture?
- Kinda, but I didn't smile.

- I couldn't stop him.
- Oh, dang!

Where's the picture?
Where's the picture?

I got it, Boss, see you later.

No, no, no. Give me
that. Give me that.

Come on, let's go after 'em.

Look at that.

No, no. Oh, gee.

Oh, dang blast you!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Cletus, Cletus, Emery,
are you out there?

Over here, Cousin Boss.

The Duke boys just escaped,
goin' east on Main Street.

Stop 'em. Don't let
them get past you.

I thought you
dropped them charges.

Well, I just undropped them.
Don't let them get outta town.

Roger Wilco.

These guys are
out of their minds.

Now, you talk about tough luck..

You ever rear-ended
two police cars?

I found it. I found it.

- Ooh! Goody, goody gumdrops.
- I gotta go, let's go.

- Boss, you know something?
- What?

This is a waste of time.
They've already gone by now.

- They have?
- Yeah.

Well, wait a minute.
I'll get Cletus.

Cletus, Emery, did you lug
nuts stop them Duke boys?

Not exactly, Cousin Boss.

Well then, what exactly?

- 'Uh, Cousin Boss..'
- They get away?

- They get away?
- They got away.

- Oh, that's a shame.
- Alright, Now, listen to me.

- Uh, I'm listenin'.
- Not you! I'm talkin' to them.

Oh!

Just don't sit there,
you hollow heads.

You got after them
and fast, you hear me?

- We're tryin'.
- Alright, over now.

What are you doin' here?

Ain't you caused enough
trouble blowin' my schemes?

I gotta go get your photograph.

Well, I'm tryin' to help you.

- Help?
- Yeah.

You ain't helpin',
you're gawkin'.

Well, I like to watch
you operate under stress.

Alright then. Watch
this for operating.

This is J.D. Hogg
callin' Sheriff Little.

- 'You got your ears on?'
- Ears on and it's burnin'.

Alright, alright.

Listen, if Bo and Luke Duke
wanna head off Justice Potts

well, then they gotta go through
Chickasaw County, don't they?

Sheriff Little,
Chickasaw County.

Little, J.D. Hogg talkin'.

The Duke boys of Hazzard
are comin' through your county

takin' a shortcut to
Atlanta, you hear me?

I can hardly wait.

Alright, well, I expect you're
gonna catch 'em, ain't ya?

Oh, I'll get 'em and I'll
stuff 'em and I'll mount 'em.

Alright then. Come on. We
gotta go. Get out, get out, will you?

I... I can't, Boss, I'm stuck.

Well, unstuck
yourself and get out.

- I gotta get that photograph.
- I can't do it. I'm..

Alright, stay here.
Come on, I'm gonna go.

Till I get my money, I'm
staying with my patient.

- Oh, you quack!
- Don't call me that.

Uh, Shepherd to Lost Sheep,
Shepherd to Lost Sheep

do you read me?

This is Shepherd, boys,
you got your ears on?

The Lost Sheep
ain't hearin' Shepherd

'cause their aerial
got busted, remember?

Hello?

Uncle Jesse, it's no use.

I wonder why they can't hear me?

Well, we better get to 'em
before Sheriff Little does.

Yeah.

Go, let's go.

Wassup, y'all?

Sheriff Little's gettin'
ready to jump the boys.

- Big Ed Little?
- Yes.

- I'll be right behind you.
- Okay.

Come on.

Hang on, Flash. We
gonna take us a little ride.

- Here, take a look at this.
- That turned out great.

Yeah.

Once the judge looks at this
picture, we're gonna be free.

Now, we got a
clear row to hoe now.

Come on, General, do your stuff.

I know, it's gettin' awful late.

Maybe you're right. Maybe
that judge did get a flat tire, huh?

Look up ahead.

'Sheriff Little's got
the road blocked.'

He's got the middle
blocked, cousin.

That's it, that's it.
Come, come back.

You see, Chickasaw County
is as poor as Job's turkey.

They only got one police car..

And one car don't make
a very good roadblock.

Meanwhile, the judge was delayed

by eatin' at the
Chickasaw diner.

You know what, some folks
have been delayed permanently

eatin' there.

Can you get yourself unstuck?

Because if you can, I'll
stop there and drop you off.

No, listen, this cast is
about two-feet too long

thanks to this quack.

Just hang in there, Flash.

Hey, Luke, ain't that
our judge up ahead?

You got that right. Heck
of a time to find him though.

We ain't got no time
to stop. Just keep goin'.

Whoa, nelly!

Oh, gee..

What are you doin'
here, you lug nuts?

Mr. Hogg, what's goin' on here?

Judge Potts, oh,
fancy meeting you here.

This is the plaintiff.
What's he doin' here?

Uh, we just brought him out
here to get a little fresh air.

Oh!

Well, you can check it out
with his own doctor right here.

Oh, yes, as his personal
physician, I felt that...

- You're a quack.
- Told you not to call me that.

- Quack, quack, quack.
- Oh, hush, hush, hush, you.

I've had it. The
doctor is leaving.

- I don't have to put up...
- Don't leave.

- 'I need you here.'
- 'I can't put up with that.'

- Will you two kiss and make up?
- I ain't gonna kiss a duck.

Hang on, Flash, looks like
we got us some more tow jobs

'comin' up here.'

Where do you
suppose the boys went?

Gotta shake this sheriff
and get down the road.

Hang on.

'Hee-haw!'

You've done it to him this time.

'I hate to meet
him the next time.'

- Let's get back to that judge.
- Alright.

I sure hope the Duke
boys don't have to go back

to Chickasaw for a while.

I'm gonna get you.

You gotta move yours,
so I can move mine.

I'm not gonna move..

Will you pipe down,
you crossheads.

Oh, sorry for this
disturbance, Your Honor.

Just a minute, we'll have you
back on your way to Atlanta.

I think I'd rather wait and
find out what's goin' on here.

I better be goin', I heard my
beeper. I have a patient about...

You and your beeper
are stayin' here.

Your Honor, what's
Rosco doin' up and about?

He ain't up and about.
No, he's down and out.

- Right.
- And in great pain too.

Pain, pain.

There's Flash. Ooh!
I'm so happy to see you.

Put her right here.

I've got some new, some
new evidence right here.

- No, no.
- Nobody will tell me anything.

Judge Potts, hold on, we got
some new evidence. Right here.

Look at that snapshot.
You see who that is?

- That's him.
- Is that you?

- Oh, well..
- No, that ain't him.

The judge didn't have
time to go all the way back

to Hazzard for another trial

so he reconvened
court right smack dab

in the middle of the road.

Well, what with all the
evidence the Dukes had

eh, what much else
the judge could do.

So all the charges against
the Dukes was dropped.

And you see old
Slick slippin' away..

Well, he ran right
into Sheriff Little

who was in a perfect
mood to handle somebody

just like old Slick.

So, once again, things
was right in Hazzard County.

The taxes was paid and
the Dukes farm was saved.