03x14 - Duke vs. Duke

[bunniefuu]

The sight of Bo and Luke
Duke rolling across Hazzard...

without the Sheriff
on their tail...

is just about as rare as
a bucktoothed rooster.

What time we got, Luke?

I got five minutes
before the entry deadline.

I'd sure hate to miss out on
something as highfalutin as...

the First Annual J.D.
Hogg Hazzard Derby.

You mean the First Annual
J.D. Hogg Hazzard shoo-in.

- Hell, you got it.
- First prize is $ , .

With that, we can buy
Uncle Jesse a new motor

for his tractor.

So they stretched out
the General's legs...

since he's fixing
to have a workout.

- $ .
- It's all there, Cousin Boss.

Alright, Cletus...

just sign that entry
form on the dotted line.

Right there on that dotted line.

- Okay.
- Alright, that'll do. Next.

Here's my entry money, Boss.

Two great big Ben Franklins.

You know, he
kind of favored you.

Yeah, you do.

Alright, just sign the entry
form on the dotted line.

Right there on the dotted line.

Damn, Rosco.

Flash, listen, don't be
barking at the Boss here.

He's on our side.

If you're gonna bark,
bark at them two.

We got seconds to spare.

- Congratulations.
- Where does he sign, Boss?

Alright.

Just sign the entry form
right here on the dotted line.

- Yes, sir.
- Assuming you can write.

Just like that.

I hate to see y'all throw
good money away like that.

What're you talking? Lee's the
fastest car in Hazzard County.

- Everybody knows that.
- Was the fastest car.

Before I put an old Cale
Yarborough engine in mine.

Yes, sir. Y'all gonna be
about the halfway point...

I'll be back here
collecting my winnings.

- This I got to see.
- Be my guest.

Come on, y'all. It's
parked right outside.

I've done it! I've done it!

You've done it! What did you do?

I slickered them
Duke boys real good.

Bo Duke signed
this here entry form...

and he never even
noticed the fine print.

I didn't see that myself.

It looks like just a little
smudge on the bottom of the...

paper here.

You think so, huh? Use this.

Oh, that's a cute
little thing here.

Let's see, it says here:

"The ownership of
any car that loses...

"or withdraws will be forfeited
to Mr. Jefferson Davis Hogg."

I knew that you had a scheme

in that chubby
little head of yours.

That's the reason you
sponsored the derby, right?

You just couldn't wait
to get your grubby hands

on those souped-up cars.

Including them Dukes'
orange clunker car.

- The General Lee.
- Yeah, the General Lee.

Without their General Lee

them Dukes are as
helpless as Samson was...

after Delilah gave
him that haircut.

What if they win?

Oh, no, they ain't
gonna win, knucklehead.

On account of you're gonna win.

- Oh, I... I'm gonna win?
- Yeah, you.

With my secret w*apon.

Oh, with your secret w*apon.

I love that.

Exactly which secret
w*apon is that?

It's a secret.

- How much did that set you back?
- Would you believe $ , ?

Aw. Ouch.

Plus few hundred more for a
few little extras I stuck on there.

I tell you, it's a
risky business.

I had to run a second mortgage

on the farm over at
Boss Hogg's bank.

Cooter, that's a
whole heap of money.

Especially at Boss
Hogg interest rates.

And he ain't just
whistling Dixie.

But I got a Grand Prix driver
who's willing to pay $ , ...

providing I win the
Hazzard County Derby.

Which I intend to do.

You gonna explain
that to the General.

I intend to do that, too.

There's no time
like the present.

We'll race you to the garage.
Loser pays for all the beer.

You are on.

And you're gonna need
yourselves something to drink.

To wash down my dust.

Let's go.

I didn't hear nothing
about no racing.

- Take the shortcut here, y'all.
- Yes, sir.

Y'all keep between
the ditches, okay?

Yee-haw!

- Whoo! It smokes.
- I know.

He's must have more than
horsepower in that dang thing.

You better hit the gas.

Oh, dang it.

You tore that up.

I swear, some people
do just about anything...

to get out of a race
they know they're losing.

We'll make you eat them words
after you help change this tire.

Wipe that smile off your
face and go grab a jack.

We need a hand here.

Oh!

What happened?

- Oh, man.
- Are you alright?

No, man. I'm busted up
my foot pretty bad here.

Give me your hand.

It's swelling up. I can
feel it. Want to try to get...

Yeah, you better leave it on.

We better get you over to
Doc Petticord right away.

Come on, Bo, give me a hand.

- Does it hurt? Watch out.
- Yeah, it hurts.

- But not as bad as my pride.
- Come on.

Now, this may look like
Swamp Gothic to you.

But things in Hazzard ain't
always what they appear to be.

'Cause inside is Ma Harper.

The slickest card bookie and
slot lady this side of Vegas.

Ma's so crooked that...

she's been barred by the mafia
for giving them a bad name.

Now, Let's see how good you
boys learned your lessons for today.

- Beginning with Billy Gene.
- Yes, Ma. Rule :

Always try to get them to sit
between two of your kinfolk.

- That's it.
- Rule :

Be sure to use your own deck...

so you know how
the cards is marked.

- Fine.
- Rule :

Only deal from the bottom of
the deck when you have to...

which is most of the time.

It just does my heart good...

to hear my baby sons learning
the important things in life.

- Oh, hello, Mabel.
- Say hello from Rosco.

Will you please!

Hello from Rosco...
Oh, no, damn!

Mabel, get me Ma Harper
over at the Chickasaw County.

Hello? Who?

Well, Jefferson Davis
Hogg, you old darling.

It's been some time since
I heard your sweet voice.

What can I do for you?

Ma, look...

you being the biggest
bookie in the tri-county area...

I want to place a bet
with you of $ , ...

on Sheriff Rosco
P. Coltrane to win.

Ordinarily I don't mess
with such piddling amounts...

but for old times'
sake, you're on, honey.

Alright, thank you
very much, Ma.

I knew I could count on you.

Here's something
else you can count on.

If you lose...

I'm gonna send my boy Junior
over to pick up your losings.

Bye now.

Eh, bye.

That fat, hairless Hogg.

Never risked a dime on
anything that wasn't fixed.

Then why did you
take his bet, Ma.

'Cause I'm gonna turn around

and place it with
another bookie...

along with $ , of my
own to go along with it.

Come, children.

Boss, you really think
I'm gonna win that race?

Yep. Yep.

I can already picture
what I'm gonna do

with that $ , winning money.

You ain't gonna
get that. Just a cut.

My usual % of %.

I was thinking about % of %.

Boss, that don't seem
exactly fair, you see.

I'll be doing the driving.

I ought to get my usual
% of %, or even more.

That's right. You're right.

I will give you more.
What do you say to...

% of % of %?

- % of % of %?
- Hmm-mm.

You know something...

I knew you were gonna
give it to me in the end.

Yeah, the short end.

- That's exactly what I'm doing.
- Just pinch your...

- Get away!
- Chubby little cheeks.

HENRY PETTICORD M.D.

Good luck, Cooter. Be sure to
do everything the doctor said.

Bye, Bo. Bye, Luke.

- Bye-bye.
- Thanks.

Man, what a bad time for
something like this to happen.

How does Doc expect
me to drive in that race...

with this great big old
white thing on my foot?

C'mon, let's get
you to the garage.

sh**t fire.

Look, fellas, it
says right there...

that anybody who
withdraws from the race...

or loses the race...

is gonna give their pink
slip up to Boss Hogg.

Yeah, we've been taken again.

You boys were so busy
counting your winnings...

you didn't know J.D. Hogg
was stealing the fillings

out of your teeth.

That's just for starters.

They've been talking about
some kind of secret w*apon...

that's gonna win
the race for Rosco.

We ain't worried about Rosco,
we're worried about Cooter.

What we gonna do about Cooter?

Cooter put himself out of
commission helping you boys?

- Yes, sir.
- You got to return the favor.

Since you're driving
the General Lee

Luke will have to
drive Cooter's car.

You mean race against Bo?

That wouldn't hardly be
right. We were always a team.

There's a first
time for everything.

Besides, you owe it to Cooter.

Well, now, don't that just
blow your hat in the creek?

Duke driving against Duke.

Meanwhile, old Cooter
had a few ideas of his own

on the subject, all of them bad.

- Ain't that Cooter?
- It sure is.

Crazy C from Double
D. This here is Luke.

You sure you sprained
your ankle, not your head?

Thought Doc told you not
to use that leg for a week.

Coming back at you, Double D.

Yeah, Doc ain't got his house
and his farm and his dogs...

and everything riding
on this race either.

I gotta find out if I can drive.

You don't have to, Cooter.

I'm gonna drive that
car in the race for you.

I appreciate the offer, but
not if I can help it, you know?

He's picking up speed,
tell him to use the brakes.

Cooter, use your brakes.

I can't. My foot is stuck
between the brake and the floor.

How about the emergency?

Ain't got one, took
it off for the race.

I'm gonna have to ride this
one out clean to the bottom, y'all.

Turn around, we'll
slow him down.

- You got it.
- Hold it steady, Cooter.

We're gonna try and make
an end run around you.

They're gonna pull an end what?

I don't know about y'all

but I don't think
that's gonna work.

Now, friends, this
is gonna get thick.

Now, once you make
contact, cut your engine.

I'll do it as soon as I
get through praying.

So that's an end run.

Son of a g*ns.

Now, while the boys
were saving Cooter...

Rosco and Boss was getting
ready to slicker everybody

out of their cars.
Especially the Dukes.

That is the secret.

Nitrous oxide?

Nitrous oxide, Boss? I mean,
that stuff can be dangerous.

Not if you don't use it more
than a few seconds at a time.

I see.

That stuff goes
from that t*nk...

all the way
underneath and then...

goes right through
this little itty-bitty tube...

right into the carburetor.

That little bitty
tube there, huh?

All you gotta do is
press a button you'll find

on the dashboard...

and it triples your horsepower.

- Boss!
- What's that?

I've got some terrible news.
Cooter sprained his ankle.

He ain't gonna be
able to race in the race.

He did that? What
a cruel twist of fate.

I'm gonna run
right over there...

and offer that poor boy my
sympathy and condolences.

If you'll help me
with this. Cletus...

What? Twenty-four. I
know they got on mine.

Cletus, don't you
see what... You're...

You're gonna
make me... Lift that!

Hello, Mabel?

Listen, you know
how to use this new...

I don't figure Boss is
fixing to wire Cooter

flowers and candy.

'Course, it ain't no
trouble, J.D. honey...

to double your bet
on Rosco to $ , .

Only, if you lose...

I'm going to send Junior
and the other boys over

to collect your losings.

Bye-bye.

Boys, I think it's time
to insure our bets.

Ain't no sense in too many folks
knowing I'm going to Hazzard.

Up till now, I always thought
old Jesse's mule, Maudine...

was the stubbornest
critter in Hazzard.

But compared to old Cooter,
she's as soft as Daisy's smile.

Just tell me this, Cooter.

Just give me one good reason

why Luke here
can't drive your car?

I can give you a dozen
good reasons, Uncle Jesse.

These boys are the
best drivers around here.

You put either one of
them behind this engine...

they're gonna be a
lead-pipe cinch to win.

Well, that's the name
of the game, ain't it?

Not if it's gonna cost
y'all the General Lee, no.

The General ain't lost a
race in Hazzard County yet.

And he won't start now.

Especially since you're
stuck with Luke driving.

- Stuck with Luke?
- Yeah.

- I like that.
- You should.

I taught you how to drive.

The heck you did. You
didn't teach me nothing.

There is another good
reason. They're fighting already.

Don't matter who wins, they'll
be ticked off with each other.

Y'all's farm is liable to turn
into a regular b*ttlefield.

Well, we'd rather risk
that than to see you beat

out of everything you own.

Sounds decided to me.

Yeah, looks like I'm
gonna be driving that car...

and Bo's gonna be eating
my dust the whole way.

Hey.

- Give me one of the same.
- You got it.

Luke, you realize this is
the first time you and me...

raced against each other when
we weren't just playing around?

Yeah.

Deep down, each one of us
thinks he's better than the other one.

Only we never had an
opportunity to prove it.

Of course, it could be
like Cooter says, though.

Whoever wins will make the
other feel lower than a snake's belly.

I'll tell you...

if it wasn't for Boss winding up
with General Lee after the race

I think I'd just forfeit, save
you the embarrassment.

Look, don't do me no favors.

Your head's been getting
too big for your hatband lately.

It's time we take you
down a size or two.

You're welcome to try.

Good luck.

BOARS NEST

At the Boars Nest, while
Boss and Rosco were

in the back scheming...

Daisy was setting
up for the day's trade.

Hey, I'm sorry, but we're
not open for lunch, ma'am.

Oh, that's why we came
when we did, honey.

I know what kind
of food Boss serves.

Come, children.

I'm gonna zip
down this canyon...

Why, J.D. you old rascal!

Ma, Ma, Ma Harper!

If you ain't a sight
for sore eyes!

To what do I owe the
pleasure of this visit?

Besides the thought of money?

Well, I figured it was
about time you met my boys.

- Oh.
- Yes, this is Billy Boy.

Billy Boy.

- And Billy Gene.
- Yeah, Billy Gene.

And Junior.

Meet Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane.

The good Sheriff's
gonna win me a fortune

in the Hazzard County Derby
with our unbeatable secret w*apon.

Alright, Junior, turn him loose.

We ain't ready for him yet.

What do you mean "yet"?

Well, since J.D. had
confidence enough

to place $ ,
on you to win...

I've done the same.

And I brought my boys
to protect my interests.

Me and Billy Boy are going
to be entering our own cars...

just to make sure
don't nobody beat you.

Wrong. See, that's wrong.

See, you didn't get your
entry blank in, in time.

Sheriff, don't tell me you
forgot those two entry blanks

that come through the mail...

postmarked much
earlier than that.

Oh, them entry blanks!

Now, how about a special
showing of that secret w*apon?

See, I'd like to. I really
would. But you see...

I can't tip my hand.

Junior.

Listen...

- don't scuff me, I'm the law.
- Ma, see you.

Don't you thr*aten me.

I'm a sheriff. I'm
Rosco P. Coltrane

and I'm not about
to... Listen, I'm serious.

I'm not going to show
you any of my secrets.

I'll tell you what
I'm gonna do...

I'm gonna back it up
and get a good run at it.

You ain't gonna see speed.

What Rosco didn't know was...

two other entrants were
having a little test run, too.

And Rosco should've
remembered that road was blocked.

He picked up the graft money
from the construction company.

You know, somedays,
nothing works right.

Cletus, much as I hate to
say this about my own kin...

you got yourself a
terminal case of the stupids.

Thought you told me Cooter's
car was out of the race.

Buzzard on a buzz saw, Boss.

How could I know Cooter's
gonna get Luke to drive his car?

Especially against
the General Lee.

Oh, Ma!

What you've just seen out
there was my secret w*apon.

There ain't no other car
gonna be able to beat that.

They sure can't, J.D., sugar.

After all, they gotta
show up to beat him.

Luke?

Either Rosco's learned
how to drive or...

You know, I bet he's
using nitrous oxide.

Yeah, must be that secret
w*apon Daisy was talking about.

I'm gonna take this car over
to the old abandoned airstrip...

just to see what kind
of secret w*apon it is.

And I'd appreciate it if you
didn't follow me, alright?

That's a big - .

Regardless of what Ma had
up her sleeve besides cars...

I figured that she couldn't
cause old Bo and Luke

half the trouble that they're
starting to cause themselves.

What're you doing to the car?

Just tuning him up like I
always do before a race.

You had fuel
mixture awfully lean.

So you just thickened it up
for me out of the kindness

of your Duke heart?

You might say that.

Might I also say that you
made him so he'd flood out...

as soon as I stepped on him
at the beginning of the race?

You know better than that.

If you're smart, do it yourself.

Looks like old Cooter was right.

They're are too competitive
to be going at each other.

Once I get to Shelby Road,
that'll put him at halfway mark.

Then I'll cut through
the trees over here...

What're you doing
looking at my road map?

I'm just showing Daisy how
I'm gonna beat you in the race.

Taking all my shortcuts?

You mean these
chicken tracks over here?

No, sir, wasn't even
looking at them.

Sure.

Luke, I don't take kindly
being called a liar by nobody.

If the shoe fits...

- What about if the fist fits?
- Now quit.

You two are carrying on like
banty roosters and the race

ain't started yet.

Don't talk to me. He started it.

And I'll finish it,
too, in the race.

Providing you get that far.

Don't you forget about that
little old lady Daisy said...

was so sure you weren't
gonna make it to the starting line.

To keep the General Lee safe...

old Bo hid him in the barn...

knowing that that
was the first place

the Harper boys would look.

The dang fools left
the keys in the car.

We don't even gotta hot-wire it.

I'll go open the door as
soon as the motor turns over.

It won't hardly start
without this here rotor.

Set them down.

Alright, that's enough.

Alright.

Who're you, what do you want

and what are you
doing on my farm?

These two fellas were at
the Boars Nest yesterday...

with that little old lady
I was telling you about.

There's also another one
the size of a grizzly bear.

- They was visiting with Boss.
- That sounds about right.

Boss knows Rosco
can't outrace us...

so he sends out reinforcements
to eliminate the competition.

Well.

You just go on back
and tell J.D. Hogg

his little scheme didn't work.

And I catch you
around my farm again...

I'm gonna make a citizen's
arrest for car-napping. Now get.

I'd believe him,
boys, if I was you.

Now get out of here.

Alright.

It's nice to see you two working
together again, for a change.

This little ruckus
proved one thing.

You two ain't feuding no more.

I was just protecting the
General. I don't want...

Bo to have no excuses
for losing tomorrow.

- Luke.
- Go to bed.

It's about a half-hour
before race time

and things are pretty quiet.

But knowing Boss, old Cooter
was on the lookout for trouble.

Only, he never figured
it'd come wrapped in

lavender and old lace.

Excuse me, ma'am, I'm sorry.

What can I do for you?

I was hoping you could
help me locate the Duke farm.

I want to pay a surprise
visit to my old friend Jesse.

I sure can. That'll be a
pleasant surprise for him.

I'll tell you what I'll
do better than that.

I'll go call on the
CB out to the farm...

and have Daisy or the
boys come here and get you.

So nice of you. If I
had boys of my own...

I would hope they'd all be as
kind and considerate as you.

Shucks, ma'am. I'm just like
the rest of the boys around here.

Oh, I can't believe that.

My goodness, would
you look at this?

Would you just... This
brings back memories.

My late husband
drove a car just like this.

He did?

Ma'am, your husband had
just as good a taste in cars

as he had in ladies.

Thank you.

Would you let me sit behind
that wheel for just a minute...

while you make
that call on the CB?

I don't see why not.

Why don't you just
climb right aboard?

Alright. I think it goes
something like this...

and then like this,
I've seen this done.

You've got it.

- There we are.
- You be careful now.

Not on your grease g*n, buddy.

Ma'am!

I think I done been had.

Breaker . Might be crazy but I
ain't dumb. Crazy Cooter coming.

Any of y'all Dukes home
on the Hazzard net?

I sure hope so. I'm
in a mess of trouble.

Cooter, we're all here.
What's wrong, honey?

Everything's wrong.

Nicest little old lady you
ever saw just swiped my car.

That's her! The one that
was at the Boars Nest

with them yahoos
you caught last night.

Let's hope she's no
smarter than they are.

- Cooter, where she's headed?
- West, out of town.

Alright, I'll try and
find her right away.

Do it fast. That race starts
at : . I'm gone, y'all.

I'm gonna help you. You
don't need no built-in excuses

not to race in this race.

We'll see you at the starting
line, Daisy. Take her easy.

Yee-haw!

Shepherd to Lost Sheep.
Shepherd to Lost Sheep.

Come in. You got your ears on?

Got you loud and clear,
Uncle Jesse. What's up?

I'm here at the
end of old Mill Road

and I just seen
Cooter's car go by.

Looks like it's driven
by some little old lady.

- Which way is she headed?
- Towards Seminole Canyon.

And she was driving like
she had a trunk-load of shine...

and a whole bunch of
revenuers on her tail.

- Alright. We're after her.
- Hang on.

Yee-haw!

You fly like that, we'll have to
weld a pair of wings on General.

It's mighty funny you
should mention that, Luke.

I was thinking of dragging
some boat anchors...

so you could keep
up with me in the race.

Funny boy.

Now, Junior was waiting
in Boss' borrowed car

which he hot-wired.

I tell you, Ma Harper's
family is tough on cars.

Now, darling, you get some
tree branches and cover the car.

Put it down here.

If anyone comes along,
drive it over the edge.

Why don't I do that anyway?

Then I could ride
back to town with you.

Because there's an engine
in there worth a lot of cash...

and we might as well
have it, instead of Boss.

Put me down, so I can
drive Boss' car to town

before he misses it.

Now be sweet, darling.

Now, spotting the car wasn't
too tough for the Duke boys...

once old Jesse knew which
direction she was headed in.

Hey, Bo, up ahead,
behind them bushes.

Would you look at that?

I'll be a son of a g*n.

Yes, sir.

How about that?

Well, that ain't a half
bad job of camouflaging

for all the good
it's gonna do them.

- It's a long way down.
- Let's get this garbage off...

and get this car
to the starting line.

Yes, sir.

Alright. Alright. Alright.

Look out, Luke!

Of course, they didn't
figure on disturbing Junior.

He must have been
grazing for lunch.

Come here, you!

Alright. Bo, I got him
where I want him now.

I'll get you, if it's
the last thing I do.

He don't look like
he's hurting too bad.

You're not gonna
get away with this.

I'm sorry if I've been
getting a little crazy lately.

I don't blame you
for getting so feisty.

sh**t, all the lip
I've been giving you.

Thing is, now's a pretty
bad time for us to be feuding.

I'm gonna break every bone in
your body when I get up there.

Don't think I ain't gonna try
to whip your tail in that race.

You'd better try.

Uncle Jesse will whip both
our butts if we both didn't try.

- Here, give me that.
- Good luck!

I'll follow you.

Alright. You're gonna be
sorry you ever tangled with me.

Bo, watch out for that drop.

Now you tell me.

You alright?

Yeah, Luke, I'm fine...

but the General took
an awful bad spill there.

Looks like you put together
a good one, Donna Sue.

I sure enough did.

Peanuts, hot dogs! Get
them while they're hot.

Three minutes to starting time.
I wonder where them boys are.

I don't know, sir,
but tell you the truth

I don't care if they
show up with my car.

That's no way to talk.

Unless they do, and
Luke wins the race

you're gonna be belly-up, honey.

Maybe so, but if Boss comes
up winners on this deal...

I'm the one that's
gonna be responsible.

Things just won't ever
be the same after that.

Well, there goes another
fence for the Dukes to mend.

You know, they put in about
three days a month doing that.

We got about two minutes
to meet the deadline.

How's the General doing?

Well, I ain't so sure.

He's still rolling
along, but he's..

You got everything straight?

- Yeah.
- You've got your helmet wrong.

No wonder it was
hard to breathe.

Forget it. You know how
everything works here?

- Yeah, I press this button...
- Don't do it now!

Remember, there's gonna
be Duke boys in each car, so...

Don't you worry about a
thing. Even if this nitrous oxide...

Even if this nitrous
oxide don't work...

I've got a lot of other
tricks up my sleeve.

Ain't that right, Flash?

Don't tell me you're counting
on help from that mutt?

Yeah.

Jesse, they're still not here.

Just quit your fussing and
fretting, they'll be along.

They'll be along, if they
gotta be pushing them cars.

Of course, they never do
what you expect them to do.

I want to be next to Boss
Hogg when this thing starts.

Seeing as how Cooter
would have recognized her

at the starting line...

Ma Harper found another way
to continue her boys' education.

Alright, remember, boys,
you ain't in this race to win.

We've got $ ,
riding on Rosco.

So you wreck any car that gets
near him. But be sweet about it.

- I want to be proud of you.
- Don't worry. We'll handle it.

You'd better.
Because if you don't...

you still ain't too big to
get your britches warmed

with a hickory stick.

Come on, now. Come on.

They got a surprise coming.

Alright, everybody!

I reckon this race is
just about ready to start.

Well, maybe, by your clock,
but my clock says they got...

exactly one minute left.

Here they come,
Bo and Luke both!

Yee-haw!

On your mark, get set...

Not yet, you ninny.

- Come on! Come on!
- Hang on, Flash! Here we go!

Stop! Stop where
you are, or I'll sh**t.

You cow chip! I'll
fine you for destruction

of county property. Namely me!

Rosco gave J.D.
his comedownnance.

- And his rolling.
- Yeah, he's picking up speed.

- Nothing's gonna stop him now.
- Except maybe them.

Go get him, boys!

You can do it! I
know you can! C'mon!

Well, that's two
out, thanks to Rosco.

Lucas, could've cut ahead
of me there, why didn't you?

That's funny. I was about
to ask you the same thing.

Watch this, Flash.

Buzzard on a buzz
saw! I need a detour, fast.

Rosco booby-trapped the
road! Hang a sharp right!

At the halfway point,
Rosco was ahead.

Followed by Bo, Luke,
Cletus, and the Harper boys.

Fat buddy, this is Rosco.

If you're on the phone,
I'm halfway home.

Rosco, don't you
"fat little buddy" me!

Now, how far behind you
are them dang Duke boys?

They're about
yards, that's all.

You better make that
, yards behind you...

if you want a job waiting
for you when you get back.

Listen, Boss, if they can't
see it, they can't catch it.

I'm gone.

Now for my secret
w*apon, the smoke.

That's too much
smoke. Pull over, Luke.

Cletus, stay out of that smoke.

Well, I kind of figured
on that, didn't you?

I love it!

We'd best cut across country.

It's the only way to beat
Rosco across that finish line.

Right behind you, cousin.

Yee-haw!

Yahoo!

Good news, Flash.

We're gonna win. And
we're gonna celebrate tonight.

I'm gonna get myself
a big T-bone steak.

Gonna get you a
little doggy-biscuit.

They're gonna try
that old squeeze play.

Bo, give it everything you got.

The Harpers are trying a little
squeeze play on Bo and Luke.

But all the Harpers
got was each other.

Boy! I'm glad I ain't gonna be
having to face old Ma Harper

at supper.

Uncle Jesse! Here they come.

- I see them.
- The General Lee's out front!

I'm telling y'all, I don't
know whether to holler or cry.

Oh, Cooter.

Luke, I've lost all
my forward gears.

Sorry to hear that, cousin.

Just keep the
General out of my way.

Told you, all my forward gears
are out, but not the reverse.

See you at the finish line.

Ain't nothing gonna
stop me now, Bo.

That dang fool's
trying to back her in.

That just proves us Dukes never
give up, forwards or backwards.

Well, neither do I.

Rosco, this is J.D. Hogg here.

Now's the time to hit
the button for the nitro...

For the secret w*apon.

Now, keep hitting it
till I tell you to stop.

Flash, feel that power?

Hang on, Flash. This
landing's going to be a doozy.

I can't believe they
finished dead even!

We both won! We both won!

Not only did Boss have
to cough up the $ ,

that he bet on Rosco...

but Ma made him pay the
$ , that she lost on the race.

Which didn't do her any good...

since the State Police were
waiting to close her down

when she got home.

So she'd have to finish
educating her boys

in the state penitentiary.

Cooter sold his engine for
more than enough money

to get out of hock to Boss.

As for Bo and
Luke, neither of them

found out which one
was the best driver.

But they did agree on one thing.

They wasn't ever
going to try to find out.

You know, I kind of like that.

Don't you?