03x13 - The Legacy

[bunniefuu]

Yee-haw!

D'y'all ever have
one of 'em days...

when everything was clicking
along peaceful and perfect...

just waitin' to go wrong.

Well, the Dukes have
a lot of days like that...

and this one is no different.

The road's getting as crowded
as the Indianapolis .

Get over!

The joker trying to pass
us is liable to sprout wings.

It's dead man's curve
better than miles an hour.

Get over!

Lady's in trouble, you
better speed up, Luke.

You got it.

You pull alongside and hold
her steady. I'll see what I can do.

- You be careful now.
- Yes, sir.

Them Duke boys
cut their teeth on them

Saturday afternoon
cowboy movies.

Looks like some
of it rubbed off.

You'll be alright, I'll take
care of it. Slide on over.

- You got it?
- I got it.

It ain't no use. We'll
have to grind it to a stop.

Hang on, Uncle Jesse. I'm
going to try and slow them down.

Don't worry about
a thing, hang on.

Right, just a hair.

Yeah, you got 'em now.

I told you we'd slow down.

Let me out of here!

- Are you alright, ma'am?
- Oh, I think so.

Thanks to all of you.

- Lucinda.
- Jesse.

Looks like the boys' interest
in women runs in the family.

Old Jesse is a Duke
boy, too, you know.

- You look as beautiful as ever.
- You haven't changed either.

Except maybe your
beard is a little white.

You gonna introduce
us to the lady?

Excuse me, I was so taken
aback I forgot my manners.

Now, Lucinda, these
here are my nephews.

That there is Luke
and the other is Bo.

- Hi, boys.
- Boys, this is Lucinda Meadows.

- How do you do?
- Glad to meet you.

She's the first lady I ever
courted in my whole life.

And I wasn't the only one.

J.D. Hogg, he
courted you some, too.

Between J.D. and Uncle Jesse...

I'm surprised you
escaped unscathed.

As I recall, they were all so
busy arguing at that time...

Cyrus just sweet-talked
me into eloping with him.

A lot of water has run
up the creek since then.

Looks like we have an
awful lot of catching up to do.

There you are.

Let's get you towed
over to Cooter's garage...

and the repairs are on
me. Now we'll just take...

Don't just stand there.

Let's get this car cinched
up and get it to Cooter's.

I'll ride with you. We can talk.

Good.

I ain't never seen Uncle
Jesse act like that before.

You've never seen him around
a pretty widow woman either.

Cletus Hogg, with this
badge I thee appoint...

official temporary acting
sheriff of Hazzard County.

- How do you feel?
- I like that.

You sure you know
what you're doing?

Two sheriffs? What's
Rosco gonna say?

Nothing, because he ain't here.

Don't you remember
what I told you?

Rosco and that helpless
hound of his, Flash...

they both went
over to Capitol City...

for obedience training.

But Rosco doesn't need that.
He comes whenever you call.

And you better
come when I call you.

Now that you've
taken over Rosco's job.

Does that mean I also get
to take over Rosco's pay?

That's right. And you
also get to take over...

- giving me his kickback.
- Kickback.

Come.

Wilbur Fudge, what're
you doing here?

Can't you see the
boss is busy. Get.

Cletus, now...
that's no way to treat

your new official
temporary acting deputy.

That's the way I get treated.

But, Boss, I'm the County
Controller. I deal with money.

I don't know diddly
about law enforcing.

Alright, Wilbur.

You can start right
off with your O.J.T.

My O.J.T?

Of course, don't
you know your O.J.T?

You got your...

Exactly what is O.J.T., Boss?

- On-the-job training, lug nut.
- On-the-job training, dipstick.

We'll start right off by
taking that visor off...

and replacing it
with your official hat.

- That'll have to do.
- Deputy Wilbur Fudge...

consider yourself sworn
in till Rosco returns.

- Yes, sir.
- Sheriff Cletus Hogg.

- Sir.
- Take your deputy in hand.

No, forget it.

Deputy Fudge, your
O.J.T. starts right now.

You watch me and
do exactly what I do.

Exactly, yes, sir.

Heaven help Hazzard.

sh**t fire and save box matches.

What's the great news, Cooter?

Ma'am, your brakes
are completely shot.

It is a wonder y'all made
it to Hazzard County.

Well, I put myself in
the hands of the Lord...

and he put me in the
hands of the Dukes and...

I guess you couldn't get a
better combination than that.

Amen.

I'll have to call the
hotline, get a brake kit.

This'll take most of
the day to get right.

I don't mind. That'll give me
time to do some business here.

- Yes, I'll give old Pete a call.
- Okay.

Take her easy.

- What's this?
- Well, read it.

"June , . To
Mr. Cyrus Meadows

"I owe you the sum of
$ , payable on demand

signed, J.D. Hogg. J.D."

- You boys got your earmuffs?
- Earmuffs?

He's gonna scream to high
heaven when he sees this.

$ , !

Lucinda Meadows...
my old, own Lucy Ducy.

I just can't believe that the
gal I loved and cherished so...

would come back
to town after years

and show me a thing like that.

Honey, you sure you
ain't got me mixed up

with some other old flame?

That's your signature, isn't it?

- This? Couldn't be.
- She's got you there, J.D.

Everyone recognizes that
chicken scratch of yours.

Cletus, one more squawk outta
you about my chicken scratches

- and you'll be a dead duck.
- Yes, sir.

Yeah, well, that
is my signature.

And you know, honey...

much as this old
joker wouldn't mind

doing anything
for a girl like you...

I'm afraid the
statute of limitations

done run out after
the first seven years.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, discounting
the "whereases,"

the "to wits," and "ipso factos"

this note ain't worth
the paper it's writ on.

Which means there ain't
no way I'm giving you $ , .

Much as I sure would like
to oblige an old sweetheart

in any other way I could.

Now, old Boss didn't become Boss

by hiding behind the door
when brains was handed out.

He knew Lucinda wasn't
going to forget about that $ , .

So he kept watch on her with
his minion, whatever them is.

Would you pass me
the pepper, please?

- Sure.
- Thank you.

It's hard for me to believe
that J.D. Hogg can't pay you

the money that he owes you.

Not can't. Won't.
There's a big difference.

That's a new low,
even for Boss Hogg.

Beating Lucinda here
out of her retiring money.

Just means I won't retire
as soon as I thought.

Now you just
hold it right there.

As long as I own this farm or
any one of these kids own it...

you got a place to live. You
can retire any time you want to.

That stingy old Boss Hogg
ain't gonna let her do that.

Now, you just
hold it right there.

There's not gonna be any more
derogatory talk about J.D. Hogg.

- Yes, sir.
- It might curdle the buttermilk.

Bo, you notice anything
different around the table?

I mean, besides Miss Lucinda?

No, nothing much, just
our cute old Uncle Jesse

over there all
gussied up is all.

Wait a minute, I fix up
every once in a while.

Especially when
there's a lady present.

I like that. What
am I, cold grits?

Just hold it right there. Don't
you be sassin' your elders.

Let's be figuring out how we're
gonna get Lucinda her money.

Don't you fret none, Jesse.
Before my Cyrus passed on...

he told me if things
ever got rough...

I was to ask you to
find me the pot of gold

at the end of the rainbow.

That don't make sense.

"Pot of gold at the
end of the rainbow"?

It makes sense if he's talking
about the old Rainbow Mine.

Him and me used to run in there

when the revenuers
got too close.

But I don't suppose
anyone's been in it since.

No wonder. Them
abandoned mines are full of...

bats and rats and all kinds of
creepy things, like Bo and Luke.

All the same, part of that
mine's under Duke property.

Now then, whether we're
sitting on a mountain of money...

or a ton of trouble, we best
find out what's down there.

Get down.

Remember, as soon
as they pass, we follow.

But I don't know
anything about following.

Just adding and subtracting.
Besides they ain't done nothin'.

But they're gonna. That's why
Cousin Boss said to tail them.

We're gonna
catch 'em in the act.

Let's go.

You ain't never gonna
believe who's behind us.

You remember the guy
who used to wander around...

with a calculator all the time?

- The County Controller?
- Wilbur, that's him back there.

If there is anything
we find in that mine...

I don't want them two
lookin' over our shoulders.

- Let's lose them.
- Alright.

- Wilbur.
- Hit it!

They're lighting out
like a pair of bluetail flies

with a bullfrog
snapping at their tails.

That's 'cause they're
guilty of somethin'.

I better find out what before
Cousin Boss drums me out.

I thought you were
going to lose them.

If there's one thing I can't
stand, it's a side-seat driver.

I'm gonna lose them soon as
I pass by the sawmill, alright?

Thank you.

Pay attention. Get the
peanut butter out of your ears.

That road doubles back a
few yards past the sawmill.

We're just gonna take a
shortcut and wait for them.

J.D. HOGG LOGGING &
SAWMILL DANGER KEEP OUT

It worked. I told
you. It worked.

Cletus, did you
hear a funny noise?

Hey, come here.

You think they'll have
a two-for-one sale?

Could be.

Come back here! Daggummit.

I told you I heard
a funny noise.

Well...

I guess today ain't exactly
the right day to ask for a raise.

Knowing the entire
sheriff's department...

was otherwise occupied...

ol' Bo and Luke figured
it'd be safe enough...

to look for Lucinda's
pot of gold...

in the Rainbow Mine.

Seems good enough to me.

- You just lower me down.
- You owe me one.

Hang on.

Lower steady now, Luke.

Hold on to your hat now.

Let her down
steady, will you, Luke?

Watch out for the sides.

What happened, Luke?

This winch is jammed. I'll
see if I can work the rope loose.

You do that, Cousin.

The rope's coming unraveled.
Grab onto something!

There ain't nothing
to grab on to, Luke.

Well, I reckon he could
grab a hold to both sides

and push, real hard.

Here, Bo.

I'm gonna walk down.

- Bo, you alright?
- I'm fine.

I'm finally down
here at the bottom.

Alright. I'll be right down,
you just hang on a second.

I came down a mite
faster than I wanted to.

Smells like an old
sauerkraut factory in here.

It's moonshine, Luke.

Could be worse.

Holy smoke, look at that.

You know it's sitting right
dab under our property?

We get caught with this
and there goes our probation.

You don't suppose this is Miss
Lucinda's pot of gold, do you?

All nine barrels of it.

It's been sitting here aging

ever since Cyrus
Meadows left Hazzard.

Let's get a sample
for Uncle Jesse.

Alright.

He oughta tell us how old it is
and what we're gonna do with it.

Watch that lantern, we don't
want to have an expl*si*n here.

Might be a fire hazard.

That's terrible, it
is really terrible.

- That is the worst shine...
- That bad, huh?

Bad? That isn't even shine.

Why, that wouldn't even get
you boys in trouble. That is...

Miss Lucinda sure ain't turned
up no lucky horseshoes lately.

First of, Boss
won't pay the IOU...

and now her pot of
gold turns into vinegar.

This don't even beat up. I
didn't know shine went bad.

Good shine don't.

Good shine turns into a nice...

sipping liquor, like this.

Let's see, I put this down
just about the time that...

Cyrus and Lucinda left here.

Now smell it, don't
sip it. Just smell it.

You realize, I only put it
down for medicinal purposes.

Absolutely.

- Jesse, are you in there?
- Yes, ma'am.

Listen, not a word about
Cyrus and his rotten whiskey.

She's got a lot of fond
memories about them two.

Well, seeing as how y'all been
out checking the Rainbow Mine...

I reckon that is a
sample of my pot of gold.

- Yes, ma'am.
- How much of it is down there?

Well, there's...

Well, there's nine full
barrels of that stuff, ma'am.

Isn't that just like my Cyrus?

He promised to take
care of me forever.

I reckon he thought
that shine would do it.

Now, Lucinda...

If only he hadn't been
such a terrible moonshiner.

You knew?

I just made sure that he
never knew that I knew.

Boy, is that a relief.

What am I gonna do

with nine full barrels...

of second-grade shine?

You could turn it into
gold by selling it to Boss.

I couldn't do that.
It wouldn't be fair.

It wouldn't be no more unfair

than him not paying
you for that IOU.

And you'd just be
collecting your money...

plus maybe a little interest.

But I never thought of
it quite like that. I'll try.

- But I wouldn't lie to Boss.
- I don't reckon you'd have to.

We just slip him a sip
of Jesse's finest here

and he'd be so busy
counting his profits

he wouldn't be
listening to you at all.

At all.

You sure you understand
what we want you to do

when you get in Boss' office?

You want me to try to turn on
his CB without him spotting me.

- Yes, ma'am.
- I can't see why.

Call it an insurance policy.

If we hear what kind
of deal Boss makes...

we could stop him
from getting out of it.

That's mighty kind
of you, Lucinda.

I'm right honored to drink
a toast to the old days.

Cousin Boss, do you mind
if I drink a little old toast

to the old days with y'all?

Cletus, you weren't
around in the old days.

I ain't too pleased to have you
around in the new days neither.

So get! Move it!

- Sheriff or no sheriff.
- Sorry.

And stay out!

What a dipstick. Now,
where were we, Lucy Ducy?

Oh, yes, the toast.

To the old days.

Oh, my.

Oh, my!

This is the best sipping
shine I ever done tasted.

And I got me nine
more big barrels full...

just as old as that sample.

You do?

I don't suppose you'd know
somebody who'd want to...

take that off my hands, do you?

Yeah, I know somebody who
would, provided the price is right.

But of course I wouldn't...

That is, my friend wouldn't
go for more than $ a barrel.

Oh, I'm sorry, J.D.

But unless you... I
mean, your friend...

makes that $ a barrel...

I guess I'll just have to
sell it to somebody else.

$ ! But... that
comes to $ , total!

- Exactly.
- Lucinda...

whatever happened to that
sweet, kind, and generous girl...

I knowed and loved years ago?

I ain't changed, J.D.

Except maybe I got me
more years of smarts behind me.

Shall we say % down?

You sure drive a hard bargain.

But just to show I don't
hold it against you...

and to prove that
hot fire between us...

ain't all ashes yet...

- what do you say to % down?
- ?

Fifty percent?

You don't suppose Boss Hogg's
changing his wicked ways?

I'll believe it when I see
the color of his money.

Well, well. There
we are, my dear.

$ , in new bills.

I can't believe it.

$ more from petty cash.

Now, then... that's
a total of $ , .

And how much did I
promise I'd give you?

Half.

Then, lover, that's exactly
what you're gonna get.

Miss Lucinda and the boys...

wasn't past spitting distance
from the Boars Nest...

when Boss started
adding up the profits.

, fifths... and
times $ a fifth...

The way you make
your fat little fingers fly...

it's amazing they don't
fall off from exhaustion.

That gives us,
meaning mainly me...

a clear profit of... $ , .

- Just for openers.
- What about for closers?

For closers, there's no way

Lucinda can heft that
shine all by herself...

so she'll have the Duke boys
deliver it to the Boars Nest...

where you will be waiting.

- I will? What for?
- What for?

To catch them in the
act and arrest them.

I knew you were gonna say that.

As soon as the boys are
back in the federal pen...

you'll make all the evidence...

meaning that nine
barrels of shine...

mysteriously disappear.

- I will?
- Yes, you.

Cousin Boss, I
can't drink that much.

Forget it.

Let me see that.

I knew we were in trouble...

the minute he offered you
% of the shine money.

He knows you can't cash your
half till you get a hold of his.

That won't be till they deliver
the shine at the Boars Nest...

: tomorrow.

Boss had put out the word...

that he was gonna
sell nine barrels...

of the world's best shine.

But there was only one buyer.

The others have been
eliminated by mean Joe Hatcher.

This here is Joe Hatcher.

We're heading down to Hazzard.

I'm calling to let you
know we'll pay your price.

Oh, isn't that a
coincidence, Hatcher?

I was just about to
sell that load of shine...

to one of your competitors.

We ain't got any competitors.

Now you listen
here, if that stuff...

ain't as good as you say it is

you're liable to wind up the
river wearing cement shoes.

Cement shoes?

Well, don't you worry, Hatcher.

I mean, Mr. Hatcher.

That merchandise will be waiting
for you tomorrow afternoon...

at : sharp.

- Bye.
- Bye.

: sharp? Ain't you
rushing things a mite?

We got to catch the Dukes
before we can get the shine.

You know how hard
that is, look at Rosco.

Yeah, you wanna know why?

It's on account of his foolish
methods are behind the times.

I bet neither of you could
tell a bug when you see it.

I sure can. There's
ants and crickets...

No, I mean these.

- Them's bugs?
- Yeah, electronic bugs.

Magnetic beepers.

All you gotta do is
slap one of these bugs...

under the front fender of all
the Duke vehicles. Like this.

When they talk about
where they're going...

that little light start
blinking like that.

Then we can follow them.

No matter which car
they take to find that shine.

Yes, sirree, Bob.

Once you slap
these bugs in place...

them Duke's as good as gone.

You know, night in
Hazzard County...

brings out a lot
of strange critters.

Even a Cletus.

Well, Lucinda...

it's been a long time
since you and me...

sat on the porch
swing and sparked.

I remember.

There are some things
you just never forget.

Y'all, I think this
is gettin' serious.

They're holding hands now.

Bo Duke, shame on you.

Spying on them like that.

Ain't you never
hear of "ladies first"?

Go ahead.

So, after Martha passed away...

without the boys and
Daisy to look after...

I would have just
gone plumb crazy.

Do you hear that, Jesse?

Yes. Probably some
varmint just come down for...

free lunch.

It's a big varmint.

I'll scare him.

The things a fellow has to
do to keep on being a Hogg.

Sorry, General.

This is gonna hurt me
more than it hurts you.

That ain't no ordinary varmint.

I can't swim. I can't swim.

Sounds big enough
to be a jackass.

Looks like a load of buckshot...

just heading for
the south end...

of a north-bound mule.

Well, it is a jackass
with a badge on.

It's a Hazzard attack.

Well, now, don't sh**t anymore.

Okay, okay. I
surrender. I surrender.

Stop, I'm okay.

Alright! Just quit playing
around and let's see who you...

- It's Cletus.
- Cletus?

What's this world coming to?

The temporary acting sheriff...

skulking around like a
weasel in a hen house.

We got a half mind to make
a citizen's arrest, Cletus.

Oh, no, don't do that.
Cousin Boss would k*ll me.

What do you think I'm gonna do?

Now, I got another round
of buckshot in this g*n.

And my trigger
finger's is just aching...

to put it in the
seat of your pants.

Well, now, Uncle
Jesse, can't we just...

No, I guess we can't.

Look at him go.

You weren't even
aiming near him.

He sure has an
active imagination.

He's got a guilty conscience,
that's what he's got.

He wouldn't be out here
unless J.D. Hogg sent him.

That means he's gonna be
bird-dogging us day and night.

Sooner we get Miss Lucinda's
shine off the farm, the better.

It's the only way to
stop him from jailing us.

That's $ from the
speed trap. Not bad.

$ for parking next to
a phony fireplug. Terrible.

Various and sundry
kickbacks: $ . .

Hatcher... Mr. Hatcher.

What are you fellows
doing here today?

Well, we figured we'd
all sleep lot easier...

if we took that sipping shine
off your hands right now.

Well, I wasn't supposed to
make delivery till tomorrow.

I haven't got it here,
right here and now.

Do you believe that, Hatch?

Look's like I got to...

considering Boss knows...

I'll break every
bone in his fat head...

if anything fouls up.

Mr. Hatcher, you could
sleep easy tonight...

'cause there ain't
gonna be no foul.

You bet there ain't 'cause
we're gonna sample...

every last one of
them of them barrels.

And if that sipping shine don't
measure up to your claims...

Now, I don't want you
boys to take any chances.

Make sure you're not
followed and get that shine off...

and out from under our
property as quick as possible.

Uncle Jesse, don't
worry about us.

We ain't hankering to spend
the next years in prison.

We'll stash that stuff in the
woods behind Watkin's Road.

At least till Miss Lucinda
gets the other half of bank bills.

We'll worry about delivering
it to the Boars Nest later on.

Alright now, wish us luck.

- Oh, honey, good luck.
- Thank you.

Be careful.

Yes, sir.

I don't know, Uncle Jesse...

but I have a feeling
I better tag along...

just in case
something goes wrong.

So I'll see y'all later, bye.

You ought to be mighty
proud of that girl, Jesse.

- She's got plenty of spunk.
- Yeah, I know.

She reminds me of you
when you were her age.

Well, got my chores.

Shush.

Call. Guess I win. Full house.

You lose, I got five aces.

- Deuce is wild.
- You didn't tell me that.

Look, my beeper bug is working.

- Look at that.
- Two of them.

Two of them now,
headed right for that shine.

How are we gonna
know which to follow...

when we don't know
which way they're going?

That's easy, we'll
just ask Wilbur.

He's got them beeper
lights in his car, just like us.

This is J.D. Hogg calling
Deputy Wilbur Fudge.

You got your ears
unclogged? Over.

I'm listening, Boss.

And them beeps are
getting louder every minute.

Well, that means
you're closing in on them.

Now, where exactly
are you? Over.

I'm going north on
Old Country Road.

But that peters out
about miles up ahead.

All I know is we
got them cornered.

Now you listen and listen good.

If you spot them
Dukes in the flesh...

you just hold back
till we get there.

I wanna make dang sure we
catch them with the evidence.

Come on, Sheriff, let's go.

Right behind you.

And there's Boss' evidence.

Miss Lucinda's legacy.

Mean Joe Hatcher's
sipping shine.

And it ain't fit to drink.

But it is good enough to
get the Dukes some time...

in the jailhouse.

- Alright, you ready?
- Yeah.

Swing it around.

Well, that's six up
with only three left.

No sweat.

I haven't seen hide nor hair
of anybody chasing us yet.

Come on, can't you go faster?

I don't trust that Wilbur none.

I'm sure he won't wait,
we won't get that evidence.

You know, for a
road that peters out...

it sure had plenty of traffic.

Boss, this is Wilbur.

Beeps sound like the bell on
my typewriter. What should I do?

Don't do anything, you dipstick.

Until me and the other
dipstick catch up with you.

- Do you hear?
- Thanks, Boss.

Boy, that was hard work.

I think I'd go there
under that tree

and lay down for a couple
of hours. Go to sleep.

I wish I was asleep and
this was just a bad dream.

Let's cut them off there. That
way, they won't see the pickup.

Not so fast, boys.

I'll have to run you in.
Wilbur, slap the cuffs on them.

The only thing I know how to
work is the pencil sharpener.

Wilbur, you are
a waste of space.

Well, well, well, well.

Lookie over there.

What you boys been
doing? A little moonshining?

Well, I just don't know
how to thank you enough.

For delivering yourselves,
and all that evidence...

right into our hands.

Looks like he got
us for sure this time.

Just 'cause our luck ran out...

don't mean we still
can't help Miss Lucinda.

Alright, Boss, you
got your shine...

how about handing over
the other half of those bills.

Hand over...

Entrusting good money
to the criminal element?

Booze breath! I ain't
gone that crazy yet.

Alright, have it your own way.

But if we can't have
this half of the money...

you won't get yours either.

That way you won't be
able to cash your half.

- You can't do that.
- Wait, that's over $ , !

Wait a minute. Wait
a minute, here, take it.

Burning money is
against my religion.

You ain't getting away
with nothing. No, sir.

I'm gonna have the
judge, namely me...

fine you $ , before he
sends you back to the pen.

Reckon this here is a
case of a moving force...

meeting an irresistible object.

I'm betting on the truck.

Unless Boss has had dinner.

- Boss, you alright?
- Alright?

How can I be alright
with pounds of Duke...

crushing my gizzard.

I'm sorry, Boss,
just trying to help.

Help?

Cousin Boss, I wouldn't be
talking like that if I were you.

- Yeah.
- If it weren't for Luke...

you'd be knocking
on the Pearly Gates.

Yeah. He only did it hoping
I'd drop all the charges.

But I got too much evidence.

The evidence! While
we're jawing here...

that shine is getting away at
more than miles an hour.

- Do something.
- Do something, dipstick.

Your car is over there.
Will you get going?

By the time they finish dancing,
that pickup'll be out of here.

Let's go.

Hop out, Alex. We're gonna
have to borrow your wheels.

Stay right where you are, Alex.

I ain't about to furnish these
boys with a getaway car.

All we got to do is get
Uncle Jesse's pickup back.

All you want to get back is
that shine. It ain't gonna work.

Nobody's getting their hands
on that evidence except me.

No, not again!

Wilbur, you lug nut.

Where did you learn to
drive, correspondence school?

What are you waiting for?
Till your butt grows roots?

Go on after them!

That's just great.

Boss and Cletus off
chasing the evidence...

Wilbur's car is out of
commission, and we stand here.

You want a lift or are you
gonna hang out here all day?

- Call it.
- Heads.

Hey, hey, hey.

Alright, let's go.

Wake up, look out for
the motorcycle up there.

I sure hope that they both
know where they're going.

So they can meet
when they get there.

Uncle Jesse, come in please.

Look out, girls.

Uncle Jesse, Miss Lucinda?

I sure hope one of you is there.

This is Shepherd,
anything wrong, Daisy?

Uncle Jesse, everything's wrong.

Somebody just
h*jacked our pickup.

We're headed south on Old
Country Road following them.

Hey, do you think you can
head 'em off with the jeep?

I can bust my britches
trying. I'm gone.

- - , Uncle Jesse.
- Alrighty.

- You stay here.
- That's my shine...

they h*jacked, and I'm not
about to let you or the boys...

pull my chestnuts
out of the fire. Let's go.

You were headstrong
even in the old days.

Let's go.

Looks like all the Duke boys
handle women and cars...

the same way.

You talk about two old boys
having a streak of bad luck.

First, if they knew how
bad that moonshine was...

they wouldn't be stealing it.

And second, stealing from
Boss Hogg in Hazzard...

is like visiting hell and
spitting on the Devil.

Cletus, this is
J.D. Hogg, listen.

Any sign of that pickup yet?

Not yet, Cousin Boss.
But don't you worry none.

There hasn't been
a hijacker born

that can get away from me yet.

What do you mean they
can't get away from you?

They just did, in a
van... you lug nut!

Did you hear that? Boss
says they're in a van now.

Luke, look out!

Back her down onto the road.
In a few minutes we'll lose them.

Then I ain't got time to back
her down. Hang on, Daisy.

Yee-haw!

Come on. Come on, shake a leg!

All them Dukes are
beating us to the evidence.

Well, I'm a-shaking.

Uncle Jesse, I don't know
what happened to your pickup...

but we're following a blue
van with the crooks in it.

You might be able to pick
them up at Cherokee Crossing.

Could do it if I quit listening
to you and start driving.

I'm gone.

Now you know who taught Bo
and Luke to drive the way they do.

See, I told you, you should
have stayed back at the farm.

And miss all the fun?

I haven't seen
driving like this...

since we was all running shine.

We'll never shake them
loose in this bucket of bolts.

Try slowing them down. Throw
something in front of them.

All we got back
there is that shine.

Well, use it.

It'll still be cheaper than
spending years in the pen.

Luke, watch out!

That was close.

Wait a minute,
that's all my evidence.

It's a given, Cletus is
going to hit it a mite closer.

He did it again.

Get another one going.

We better get outta here
before we get that van in our lap.

Blaine?

You alright?

- I got the one on the right.
- I get the big one.

Get them!

Come on!

- Ain't you gonna help them?
- They'd never forgive me.

Don't you worry. They
are pretty good scrappers.

Reckon they take after their
uncle when he was their age.

- Cletus.
- What?

You arrest them
moonshining Dukes...

while I confiscate what's
left of the evidence.

Got you!

Boys, there's one barrel left.

We better beat Boss to it.

No!

My shine, all my evidence.

In smithereens.

Cletus!

Cletus!

These arrows ought
to go through the barrel.

You hit it from the left,
I'll get it from the right.

Look at that, all my evidence.

Seeping away in a
hundred directions.

Except that one barrelful.

- Hallelujah.
- Hallelujah.

Come on, come
on. Come on, Cletus.

Oh, no, look what
they are doing.

Better than target
practice, ain't it, Luke?

Oh, looky. Look at that.

They're making all the
shine seep out. Quick.

Plug up the holes.
Take out the arrows.

Alright.

- I got my two.
- I got these two.

Keep it plugged.

What about these
other two arrows?

Come over here and help
me, will you? Come over here.

- You left the other two.
- I know.

There's more of them here.

Come on. Get over
there and plug those two.

I guess that takes
care of all the evidence.

- We're sorry about the shine.
- That's alright, boys.

It ain't often I get to treat
an old friend like J.D. Hogg...

with a $ , shower.

Dang this thing. The
shine is all seeped out.

Dagblast it all!

Look at that.

There wasn't even
a drop of shine left...

for old Boss to
drown his sorrows.

Which probably saved
him from being poisoned.

Seeing as how Emery
made the arrest...

he was in line
for a nice reward.

Since he wasn't
a regular deputy.

Lucinda could have some
fun pasting the money together.

Which sure beats doing
the crossword puzzle.

Goodbye, darling,
it was wonderful.

- Our pleasure.
- It's been a pleasure.

You know, friends, kissing
is like riding a bicycle.

You never forget how.

Even in Hazzard County.