03x09 - Mrs. Rosco P. Coltrane

[bunniefuu]

It all started on
a spring morning.

Flowers were popping open

alfalfa was blowing
in the breeze

and the bees were making
out with their honeys.

General Lee had just
had a spring tonic tune-up

and old Bo and Luke
were letting it all hang out.

And it looks like somebody
else is fireballing, too.

You idiot! Why didn't you
watch where you're driving?

I didn't see them, Vic!

Bo, you alright?

Yeah.

Just get the seatbelt off.

Lord, have mercy!

Hey, you guys!

Let's get out of here.

Hold on a minute!

How do you like that?

You sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Don't look like the
General's doing too good.

You sure showed them.

Cute. I'll call
Cooter on the CB.

Alright.

We set up a
once-in-a-lifetime payroll heist

and you almost blow it over
some rubes and a dumb accident!

Stop getting your
nose out of joint.

They didn't see us good
enough to recognize us.

Everything will go smooth as
silk, soon as we hit that bank.

Over at the Sheriff's
office the second part

of this little tale
is about to unfold.

Now, Flash, I'm gonna
give you another little lesson

in being a really
good police dog.

Now, when I give you
the command to attack

I just want you to show no mercy

just want you to
crouch and come in.

Get back! He's a k*ller!

You kidding him? Listen, he's
in the middle of training now.

Sheriff, there's somebody
waiting for you in your office.

Excuse me, Flash.

How many times have I told you

that nobody goes into
that office except Boss

the dog, or me
when I'm not here.

But Sheriff, it's
her! Your pen pal.

I don't care if it's the
queen of... pen pal?

What in the world is Sue
Ann doing here in Hazzard?

I recognized her scent from
the letters you've been getting.

Oh, boy! She sure is
a sweet-smelling thing.

Cletus, never mind
how sweet she smells!

Why didn't you tell
me she was here?

You hush!

Just hush.

Well... ain't you the
handsomest hunk of man

in that there uniform
you're wearing?

Sue Ann?

What the heck are you
doing here in Hazzard County?

Rosco P. Coltrane! Is that all
you got to say to a lady friend

after I come all the way
here from Handlyville?

Or did you forget all that
sweet talk you gave me

over the past three weeks
since we met through

that computer dating service?

No, I didn't forget anything.

You see, I was sort of
surprised to see you here.

Did anybody else see you
come in here besides Cletus?

Why? Am I supposed to be
some sort of deep, dark secret?

No, I hadn't gotten around
to telling anybody, you see.

Or did you just figure you
could toy with a lady's affections

and wave bye-bye
like I was just nothing.

No, Sue Ann. Everything I
told you was the honest truth.

Now, I wouldn't
lie to you, you little..

- I don't lie to pretty...
- Did you really?

Honey, you got me all
saucered and spooned.

You just gave me
a vapor lock, too.

- Now, how about the wedding?
- A wedding.

Wedding?

I was right! You did
take advantage of me.

All the past three weekends
you took me for chop-suey

sharing our fortune
cookies, rowing on the lake..

I told everybody
I'd gone fishing!

You caught me, now you're
ready to throw me back in the pond.

- Okay, I'll go.
- No, Sue Ann.

Nobody said anything
about you going.

Nobody said nothing about
us getting married, neither.

Now, unless you do.

You didn't give me a chance.

Oh, Rosco!

- When?
- When?

It's going to take
a little bit of time.

I've got to tell my little
fat buddy, Boss Hogg

and Flash, that's my dog.

I gotta tell Mama

and after she has her coronary,
I would say about six months.

- Three months.
- Rosco?

- Two?
- Pervis?

- One?
- Coltrane?

When would you like it?

- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?

Tomorrow is the day after today.

Wait! You've got it.

Oh, sweetie!

Just one more thing, you'll
make me the happiest gal in town.

Yeah, anything.

I always had my heart
set on a big wedding

and me not having
any family and all

you having all your
deputies, Boss Hogg

and the whole town
as your little family

it sure would be a nice turnout!

Anything that your heart
desires just tickles me to death.

I gotta go over to the
hotel now and freshen up.

Goodbye, you great, big,
beautiful, he-man Sheriff.

Goodbye.

Your suitcase, here.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow?

Mama..

What happened to the General?

Who did that to you?

sh**t, I don't know.

A couple of guys ran us
off the road and kept going.

Hit-and-run drivers, nothing
worse or more low-down and dirty

than a hit and run. Do you
have any idea who done it?

We actually got no idea.

You two didn't see a black
sedan with strangers in it?

Got a big orange
dent in the side.

- Not me, you?
- No, can't say I have either.

We've been everywhere.

Me and Luke are gonna
wander around town.

If we run into them, we'll
teach them about driving.

Yeah, right after we get
the bad news from Cooter.

Hey there, Cooter!
How you doing?

- Hey, y'all!
- Hi, Cooter!

Greetings! Where's my son?
Didn't come for lunch again.

Hi, Mrs. Coltrane!
He's in his office.

That child's gotten to be
a caution to live with lately.

Mooning about the house all
day and not eating proper-like.

What's a mother to do?

Mama, what are you doing here?

I've come to feed
my little baby.

Now go wash your hands,
lunch will be on the desk.

Mama, never mind the lunch.

I've got something
bodacious to tell you.

Bodacious can wait.

My fricasseed hog jowls can't!

It's all set. We tie the knot
tomorrow, right on schedule.

Friends, I smell something

and it ain't no bridal
bouquet, either.

Fellas, you can't be taking
the law in your own hands.

Uncle Jesse didn't raise us
that way. You know better.

Cooter said it's gonna cost
us $ . just to fix the body

on the General.

And we're about $ short!

I get my hands on
them, I'm going to shake...

'There they go!'

That's them!

I'll bring it back later, Daisy.

- You be careful!
- Yes, ma'am.

With yourself, and that Jeep!

Married?

Rosco P. Coltrane, you can't
get married. You ain't ready yet.

I'm years old.

True, but you still don't
pick your clothes up

your socks don't match

and you still squeeze your
toothpaste from the middle.

You don't understand,
I want a wife!

When you was five,
you wanted a fire engine

and look how fine you
growed up without it.

All them other kids
had a fire engine.

So now you got
a police car. Eat!

- There they are!
- Right. Get them, cousin!

I swear he looks
better, don't he?

Mama, I've made up my
mind. I'm gonna marry Sue Ann.

I mean, we were meant for
each other. Look, I'll show you.

You see this little
article, it says:

"Are you lonesome?" And I am.

"You're looking for a date
or a mate?" And I was.

"Write in today." And I did.

That is the Dixie Computer
Dating and Marriage Service.

You mean you got a
girl out of a machine?

Lordy, what won't
they think of next?

Well, it's foolproof.
See, we're really meant..

Listen, Mama, darling..

I just love you with
all my heart and soul

I really do and I always will..

But don't you understand,
there's something lacking

down deep inside of me.

Sometimes, I'm
a very lonely man.

Well, son, if that's the
way you really feel..

I won't stand in your way.

All I care about
is your happiness.

You just go ahead
and get married

and don't you worry none
about your poor old Mama

who's gonna look for a real
high window to jump out of.

- Take the alley, cut him off.
- Alright.

Afternoon, Father!

Well, Bo and Luke weren't
the only ones being surprised.

Married?

You, Rosco P. Coltrane
my sheriff, getting married?

Buzzard on a buzz saw!

Rosco, you may be
itchy and need to scratch.

But you are staying
single, and that's an order.

You're a sheriff and you're
supposed to have only one boss.

- Namely, you.
- Namely, me!

- Boss, I really wanna do it.
- I said forget it!

Last thing I need is a bossy
wife telling her husband

"No, you
shouldn't drive so fast.

No, you can't work late tonight.

No, you ain't getting a
big enough cut of the take."

This marriage is off,
cancelled, dead as a doornail!

But, Boss, you see,
you don't understand.

I've already made arrangements
to get married tomorrow.

I've invited everybody.
You, Lulu and my dog, Flash.

I even invited Cletus.

Thank you, Sheriff,
but you're forgetting

what day it is tomorrow?

No, I'm not forgetting, you
dipstick. It's my wedding day!

Yeah, dodo! And
it's also the day that

that special miner's
payroll comes into my bank.

$ , .

'Cold cash.'

I ain't gonna leave my bank
unguarded while my officers are

at some dang fool wedding

letting anybody in to steal
every last penny of that payroll

leaving me with nothing
but the insurance company

to make good on the loss.

- Boss is right.
- Boss is always right.

Not necessarily.

Not necessarily.

I'm being blind,
just plumb blind.

Who am I to stand in
the way of my good friend

'and brother-in-law, Rosco'

'who's throwing himself
into the sea of matrimony?'

Cletus! You get out
of here for a minute!

Rosco and I gotta talk about his
wedding night. Man-to-man stuff.

- What am I, wearing a girdle?
- You ought to be. Go.

He may be kin, but he's
too stupid to be trusted.

Did I hear you right? Are you
gonna really let me get married?

Yeah, I am, and afterwards
you and me are gonna share

a $ , wedding present.
The usual split, of course.

- Fifty-fifty?
- Eighty-twenty.

- It's my wedding.
- It's my money.

- It's my bank's money.
- Bank's gonna give it to us?

No, deadhead.

The Southern Deposit
Insurance Company

is gonna give us that
money, that's who.

Why would they do that?

'Cause tomorrow I'm gonna
arrange to have my bank robbed.

And it's gonna be done while
every living, breathing soul

in Hazzard County
is at your wedding.

Except them Dukes. I don't
want them Dukes at my wedding.

Including the Dukes! There
comes a time for forgiveness.

- One time I'll forgive them.
- Only this ain't that time.

No, you just gave
me another idea.

- You're so full of them.
- I appreciate that.

This one's the greatest
since instant grits.

I know it is. Which one is it?

This is the one that tomorrow
we invite every soul in Hazzard

to your wedding
except the Dukes.

Except the Dukes?

Which makes them the
number-one suspect in the heist.

Them being the only
ones who could've done it.

I love it!

I love it when you get
those brilliant little ideas.

Get outta there!

We've been up and down
every street in the county.

Haven't seen hide
nor hair of them.

We can't give up yet.

Hey, Bo.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey, how you doing, darling?

Okay, Bo.

The road heading north looks
like the best escape route.

That's the one we're gonna
use. It's a perfect setup.

Sue Ann does her
job on that hick Sheriff

and we got that
bank all to ourselves.

Could be our biggest take yet.

'There's those two
guys we ran off the road.'

'Let's get outta here.'

Hey, you guys!

Bo, look out!

Come on, Bo.

Ain't them Dukes something?

They can climb out of a
wrecked car without a scratch

but can't walk straight
across a board.

Dang! They're getting away!

Those two fellas
hit and run us again.

This time I got their
license number.

'JRL .'

Good eyes!

Don't know what they're up
to. They run us off the road

now they're
throwing stuff at us.

Beats me.

But I'm aiming to find out!
Come on, let's get back.

Cletus?

I'm going down to
the Hazzard Emporium

and get my wedding suit.

It's white. You're
gonna love it.

- Rosco, we got a problem.
- We got hit and run.

$ . worth!

My, that's terrible.

We got the license
number, though.

Hey, listen.

Rosco!

Hello, Bo, Luke!
Nice day, isn't it?

Y'all excuse him.

He's not in his right senses
what with getting married.

What?

Congratulations, Rosco.
Who's the unlucky lady?

Her name is Sue Ann Bliss

but soon it'll be Mrs.
Rosco P. Coltrane!

I love her.

That's nice, but we've got some
official police business for ya.

We've got a license
number for you to check out.

Haven't got time to talk
with you now. I'm gone.

You've gotta call
the state police.

You're a policeman, aren't
you supposed to help us?

Cletus!

I'd love to help you,
but there's nothing

I can do without
the Sheriff telling me.

Won't you even talk to us?

Come on!

Uncle Jesse always
said, "The Lord

helps those who
help themselves".

He sure did.

Let's do it.

Who am I talking
to, Jake or Jim?

Alright then. Now, listen good.

'You boys are gonna drive
from Atlanta into Hazzard'

'arriving at exactly
: tomorrow.'

Then, at exactly
: , you hit my bank.

At exactly : , you'll
have earned yourselves

$ , for your efforts.

You reckon old Boss found them

rental robbers in
the Yellow Pages?

State police? This is
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane

calling from good
old Hazzard County.

I want you to run a make
on a couple of dipstick

hit-and-runners.

The license number is..

Jump!

No one can trace us now!

I always did
believe in planning.

Well, so much for the
Dukes' plan to trace the car.

Now what?

That's too bad.

This is Sheriff Rosco P.
Coltrane, I'm over and I'm gone.

What did he say?

The plates were
issued in Handlyville.

But it's a dead number.

Probably stolen out of
a junkyard or something.

Figure the General's
in any kind of condition?

'Cooter's done most
of the bodywork.'

'Didn't hurt the engine none.'

Alright, because
we can't stop now.

We've gotta get Rosco to put
out an APB on that black sedan.

Now while the boys were
looking for the wrong car

the robbers were taking
another look at the bank.

Beg your pardon, I was
supposed to meet the Sheriff here.

He won't be coming in until
it's time for his free lunch.

That's alright, Daisy,
I'll see to the young lady.

I'll bet that you are
Sheriff Rosco's intended.

That's right.

Rosco's what?

I'm Sue Ann Bliss,
the Sheriff's fiancee.

And don't tell me.
Rosco said that

the second-best-looking man
in town was Boss J.D. Hogg.

- You've gotta be him.
- Yeah.

How could Rosco's eyesight
be so good one minute

and so very terrible the next?

That was right kindly of
Rosco to say that about me.

Well, it's the truth.

You sure are everything
that he said about you.

- Well, thank you.
- And more.

Much more than I've
expected from the likes of him.

That's right, you sit over
there and I'll sit down right here

and we'll get acquainted.

That's right neighborly of you.

Well, honey, I'm not only
your future brother-in-law

I'm Rosco's boss, he's
my employee, and we...

J.D.!

Hello, how are you?

I was just welcoming our
new sister-in-law into the family.

By way of what?

And you must be Lulu.
It is so nice to meet you.

I've heard so many
good things about you.

You must be my baby
brother's bride-to-be.

Soon as Rosco told
me the good news

I just figured I'd
run right down here

and help with the arrangements.

'First of all, I don't
think well' have'

any trouble getting the church.

- Church?
- The church?

Sugar pot, I figured
on having the wedding

right here, at the Boars Nest.

So did I.

This ain't no place for
my one-and-only brother's

one-and-only wedding.

It better be if the
bank to be robbed

is right across the
street from that church!

Will one of you kindly give
me one good reason why?

I could give you $ , why..

Reasons why.

Please, Lulu, it is my wedding

and I want it here,
out in the country.

I'm footing the bill
for the whole shindig

so I've got a say in
where it's going to be

and I say here,
where the air is better.

- If you insist...
- Alright!

I've got a lot to do,
I'd better be going.

I gotta get the cake,
flowers, and festoons

you know, all those decorations!

You do that.

J.D.!

Coming, dumpling.

- Hey, Daisy.
- Hey.

Have you seen Rosco anywhere?

No, he's due any time. But
I've gotta tell you something.

This here's Rosco's intended.

- That is?
- Yes!

- She is a knockout!
- I know!

I can understand why
Rosco is knocked out by her

but I can't understand
her being floored by Rosco.

You've got a point there.

Hey, could we have
a word with you?

Listen, don't bother me now,
Bo. Can't you see that I'm busy?

But, Rosco, sweetie pie, I'd
love to meet all your friends.

Then you don't wanna meet them,

because they're the
scourge of the county.

While they're here, this is
Luke Duke and Bo Duke.

- Pleased to meet you, ma'am.
- Nice to meet you both.

- Why don't you boys sit down?
- Yes, ma'am.

Congratulations
on the happy event.

Where'd you all meet, anyway?

- At a blind date.
- At a picnic.

It was a blind date at a picnic.

We've never seen
you around before.

Where'd Rosco find you, anyway?

- Raleigh.
- Handlyville.

What he meant was,
I'm from Handlyville,

and we met in Raleigh.

You guys just
gonna be loafing here

or do you have some
official business?

That's exactly what we do have.

You know them guys who
hit and run the General?

We want you to put out
an APB on them for us.

They're from your neck
of the woods: Handlyville.

No kidding!

I bet if we described them
to her, she could help us out.

Now, there's two of them,
dressed up like city slickers...

One's kind of
short, medium height

and the other guy's real tall.

Gee, boys, but they don't
sound like anyone I know.

Well, there's no wonder with
that mish-mush description.

They don't sound like anybody
that anybody ever heard of.

If you're done with
your official business

then just scoot on out of here.

You ain't gonna
do nothing about it?

I'll do something about it

when we get back
from our honeymoon.

- A pleasure talking, ma'am.
- Nice to meet you, ma'am.

Speaking of honeymoons...

Does it strike
you a mite strange

that the lady and the car...

are both from a one-horse
town like Handlyville?

It does, but not
quite as strange

as a pretty girl like that
chasing an old nag like Rosco.

You got that right.

- Lucky dog.
- Yeah.

Her figure and Rosco's
just don't add up.

No, sir.

I'm getting one of my
famous gut feelings

there's more than
a coincidence...

that them dudes showed up
about the same time that she did.

There's the little
lady right now.

I'll tell you what...

why don't we just
tag her and see

if there really is a
Handlyville connection?

You got it.

Hazzard County was
beginning to hum like bees

around a honeycomb.

While Bo and Luke were
checking out the bride-to-be...

the miners' all-cash payroll

was rolling toward
the Bank of Hazzard.

And Boss' personal
bank robbers...

were setting out from
Atlanta to pull the same job...

Sue Ann and her
confederates were planning on.

Now, did I leave anything out?

Looks like the
connection's been made.

Why don't we get
a little bit closer

and see if we can
figure out what it is?

Hang in there, honey.

That armored car
ought to be taking

that payroll money
to the bank now.

Everything's
gonna be just great!

Not so great. Two plowboys,
one blond and one brunette...

they've been asking
a lot of questions.

They know just
what you look like.

We know who you mean.

We can't afford any witnesses.
We'll take care of them...

for good.

Yeah, but do you know
where to find them?

If they're driving an orange
car with a " " on it, we can.

If that ain't putting your
foot in it, I'll sell my farm.

Has it occurred to you
all that Bo and Luke

are concerned about
Rosco being took...

even though they
ain't exactly friends?

You know, I kind of like that.

Let's get out of here so
we can figure out what it is.

You get back to
Hazzard County, honey.

We'll take care
of them plowboys.

HAZZARD COUNTY TELEPHONE COMPANY

There ain't nobody named
Sue Ann Bliss in Handlyville

that's for sure.

All that tells us is either
Bliss ain't her real name or...

Or else Handlyville
ain't her hometown.

Yeah, could be.

You see, we figure they must
have some kind of scam going on.

It don't seem right to
stand at his wedding

and watch that happen.

We ain't invited, so there ain't
nobody standing at his wedding.

Everybody in Hazzard
is invited to that wedding.

We's the exception to the
rule. We ain't been invited.

That being the case,
whatever he's got himself into

he can handle it himself.

The heck with him. We'll take
care of them two guys for us.

One wrong don't make another.

If you boys know something
wrong is going to happen to Rosco...

it's your beholden
duty to tell him about it.

Remember, you're Dukes first,
and you dislike Rosco second.

Yes, sir.

Yes, Uncle Jesse.

Get over there, Hazel,
if you want some.

HAZZARD POLICE

- Cletus, how're you doing?
- Hi, guys!

The Sheriff ain't in.
It's his wedding day.

Maybe you can help us. Me
and Bo got a wager going on...

about how Rosco and
Sue Ann got together.

I'm telling you, you're wrong.
I say it was a blind date...

he says it's some
Elk's picnic. Which is it?

You're both wrong! They
met through the mail.

I've been delivering all
them pretty-smelling letters.

His desk still smells so sweet.

We're much obliged
for you settling that.

Thanks a lot.

Think nothing
of it. I gotta split.

Gotta get all gussied
up for the wedding.

- Thanks, Cletus.
- Well, we both lost.

I sure feel funny doing this.

- It's for his own good.
- Ours, too.

Hey!

- Would you look at this?
- What've you got?

He met that pretty little filly
at a computer dating service.

I'll be damned. Rosco...

He's so head over heels in
love, he forgot to open up his mail.

That ain't all he forgot... here.
Feast your eyes on that bunch.

Ain't that a kick in the tail?

What do you think
they want with Rosco?

The only thing that
makes any sense is

they must have put
an ad in the paper...

some poor lonesome
sucker, like Rosco, writes in...

they send him a mail-order
bride and take him for all he's got.

Works fine, except
Rosco ain't got nothing.

They sure were
serious talking about us.

They gotta be after something.

Come on. Invite or no,
we're going to that wedding

to get some answers.

Slow down, Bo.

I know we're in a rush, but
let's get there in one piece.

Don't know how
to tell you this...

but I can't slow down.
The brakes ain't working.

I can't stop!

Folks, them boys are
having more trouble...

than two stray heifers
in a pasture full of bulls.

You alright?

- Could be better.
- That was some slick driving.

Dang it!

CLOSED FOR WEDDING

Alright, everybody!
Alright, folks!

Settle down, now.

The big day is about to begin.

And I sure do mean big day!

Boss' bad boys
were hitting Hazzard

but sometimes things
tend to go wrong.

Even for the bad guys.

Alright, folks. Now that
you've all settled down...

we will proceed.

Send in the groom.

I still say you
ain't old enough.

Next time I catch you
dressed all in white...

you'd better be wearing
wings and strumming a harp!

Here comes the bride!

Thought you should know,
he eats his peas off his knife.

Dearly beloved, friends...

all you relatives and kinfolk...

constituents, fellow citizens...

we're gathered here today...

to join in the holy
bonds of matrimony...

this here fine couple.

My baby!

The brake line's been cut.

Carburetor's all jammed!

We still gotta get
to that wedding.

The question is, how the
heck are we gonna do that?

That, there, is how.

And I'm driving!

After that? You're crazy.

Do you suppose Old Man Miller
will get upset if we borrow it?

Not if I send the
horse back with Daisy...

and a couple quarts
of her pickled peaches.

Sue Ann Bliss...

do you take this here
man, Rosco P. Coltrane...

as your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

HAZZARD - MILES

Remember what I said
about things going wrong?

And do you, Rosco, take this
here woman, Sue Ann Bliss...

- to be...
- I do.

Not yet!

To be your devoted wife?

- Now!
- I do.

I really do. I just...

Well, with everybody
at the wedding

the bank's just
a sitting duck...

on an egg full of money.

Unless of course, the
Duke boys can stop them.

Therefore, with the
powers vested in me...

as Justice of the Peace
of Hazzard County...

I now pronounce you,
Rosco, and you, Sue Ann...

man and wife!

And so, Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane...

last of the red-hot
bachelors, got hitched.

And many a maiden
cried that night.

Goodbye!

General Lee's never
looked so cute. Hey, boy.

I'm afraid the
General hit a little hay.

Ain't that what he's
supposed to be doing?

We ain't got time right
now for all the details.

- Turns out me and Bo was right.
- What?

These three people here,
they're out to milk somebody...

and for some reason,
Rosco P. Coltrane is the goat.

This don't tell us what they
are, but it tells who they are.

That's her, alright.

Let's don't stand here gabbing,
let's go and show it to Rosco!

He'll be wanting to
know what's going on.

Don't start off till I get in!

BANK OF HAZZARD COUNTY

- Hey, Cletus, where's Rosco?
- Gone on his honeymoon.

I gotta get back to guarding
that special cash payroll.

Special cash payroll?

Yeah, can't leave it alone
too long. Too big a temptation.

- The bank!
- What about the bank?

We got a feeling
somebody's robbing it.

Somebody's robbing my
bank! My goodness, thieves!

Here's some
friends of Sue Ann's,

we wouldn't be surprised...

if they were ripping off your
bank while she kept you busy.

What're you saying?

Everybody! My
bank's being robbed!

Back to town! I deputize
each and every one of you!

Come on, everybody!
Help me save my bank!

- Come on!
- Get in the car!

SHERIFF - JUST MARRIED

Mrs. Rosco P. Coltrane...

we're alone, at last.

If you like, honey, why don't
we just pull over and park?

Pull over and park?
You mean, you and me?

See, I booked a room.

Look at those beautiful
orange flowers over there.

Why don't we pull over
and you can pick me one?

- Pull over and pick you one?
- Yes.

Right over there.

Those?

I guess we got a little time.

I'll just ease off the
road here a little bit...

and we'll tiptoe
through the tulips.

I love it!

- Aren't they beautiful!
- I know they are, but...

If you could just... you know...

Have you ever seen such flowers?

Well, they're pretty,
alright. Those are the...

Friends and neighbors,
I think this marriage

is off to a rocky start.

Bye, Mrs. Coltrane!
Hello, Mrs. McGraw!

I sure hope we're
on the right road.

We are. There's his car.

Rosco!

You alright?

- I'll knock you into the...
- Take it easy, it's us!

There must have been of them.

The big hairy one...

Then they got Sue
Ann! They kidnapped her!

Calm down, Rosco.
We'll take care of it.

We'll go after them in the Jeep.

What? Now listen...

The dang thing must have flooded
out when we came up the hill.

We gotta take Rosco's car, then.

Come on, Rosco. Hop
in here, you'll be alright.

It'll be a smooth ride.

Listen, let's take
it across country.

That way, maybe
we can cut them off.

You'll find her for me?

Oh, those moley,
mangy wife snatchers!

If I... Just hold on
a second, Rosco.

We don't know how
to break this to you...

but there's a good chance
you ain't married to nobody.

What do you mean? A chance
I ain't married to Sue Ann?

That's right, Rosco.

sh**t, go ahead and
show him the poster, Luke.

- What poster?
- I think you're right.

What're you boys talking about?

Best to hurt a little bit now
than a lot more later on.

Now them two guys there
probably stuffed you in the trunk.

Chances are pretty good,
her name being the same...

that she's married
to one of them.

She took you real good, Rosco.

All the time she had you
thinking you was marrying her...

they was out robbing
the dang bank.

Gotta admit though, it
was quite a good scam.

You all hush! You're lying.

You boys just lie
to me all the time.

There ain't a Duke alive who
lied to you, and you know it.

Oh, yeah? How
about that one time...

If you think any different,
you're just lying to yourself.

If you ain't lying to
me, that means...

Sue Ann is lying to me. Right?

That's right, Rosco. Listen...

Luke and me is real sorry.
You've gotta believe that.

I am, too. You know...

Mama said that...

I was too young to
get married anyway.

At this rate, we ain't gonna
beat them to the county line.

We'd have a chance though, if
we cut across the dry riverbed...

right down by Cross-Crick Road.

We sure can!

Can't we go a
different direction?

Hang on, Flash!

BRIDGE OUT

By the time we hit that blacktop

we'll be close to
the county line.

There's a white car up ahead!

Go for it, let's check it out.

Hey, that's great!

Kind of a kick being on
the other side for a change.

Will you hush?

Oh, no! Step on it!

Well, Luke, they
ain't slowing down.

They're serious!

Keep her on the road, Bo.

And since we're all legal,
let's go whole hog here!

That's teargas!

- Try to get them off the road.
- Hang on, Rosco!

Alright!

- Alright, come on.
- My eyes!

You alright? Now
throw them down here.

You really played me for
a fool, didn't you, Sue Ann?

I'm sorry.

I really am, Rosco.

Not for what I did, but
because I did it to you.

You really are kind of cute.

So, old Rosco had to be
content with making a little history.

He was the only annulment in
the Court of Hazzard County.

They even had to look it up.

Mama Coltrane didn't have
to jump off of no high building.

Boss got his payroll money
back alright, but it did cost him.

A reward of
exactly what it cost...

to fix the General up.

If you all think Rosco's
wedding was something...

you ought to see what happens
on a Hazzard honeymoon!