02x09 - Witness for the Persecution

[bunniefuu]

- 'Yee-haw.'
- 'Yee-haw.'

For the folks in Hazzard County

the sound of a fine-tuned
engine is downright musical.

Smooth as silk.

All four barrels,
all eight pistons.

I think we got it
tuned just right.

Well, you know,
I'd really believe that

when I see how it takes
this hill up yonder. Hang on.

Alright, you g*n it.

The damn thing cut out again.

'Course every once in a while

even the hottest country
band hits a few clinkers.

Well, back to the drawin' board.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, back at the farm

ol' Jesse was
entertainin' something

that was as rare as
a mule with feathers.

An honest lawman.

Him and Tom Pryor
went back a long way.

Ah, the whiskey's left Hazzard
County since them days.

But I'll tell you
one thing, Tom..

Us Dukes, we
ain't run one drop..

Or made one run
out of the county..

Since we made that promise.

Yeah, and I've switched
over to the federals.

You know, I've
got a feelin', Tom

that I'm about to find out why
I'm honored by your presence.

One of the biggest
racketeers in the south

is going on trial tomorrow,
down in Savannah..

And we've got the key
government witness

who's gonna testify against him.

But... till then..

We need a safe
house to hide him in.

So he'll be alive when it
does come time to testify, huh?

I can't lie to you, Jesse.

Anybody hidin' him is
gonna be in danger, too.

So nobody'll hold
it against you..

If you turn us down.

Except maybe myself.

It won't be easy, Jesse.

They've got hitmen everywhere.

This is perfect for the job.

I could nail that government
witness at yards.

Specially if he's as fat
as the one we're after.

Who the heck could
be sh**t' at us?

Any one of the number

of them fathers of
girls you've been datin'.

Thing is now to
find out which one.

Come on. Stay low, I
don't wanna lose you.

I don't wanna lose me, either.

We better speak our piece
before them fellas reload.

Hey, fellas. Hey,
y'all cut it out, alright?

Y-Yeah, whatever
you're huntin', it ain't us.

'Right.'

- Come on.
- Yeah.

Come on!

I figure, our only way out is..

To head back to The General.

Let's just hope he
starts when we get back.

You got that right.

Come on.

Let's just pray that
General Lee starts this time.

I got a feeling this is gonna
be the last shot we got.

Come on, baby.

General!

Those two are bound to
recognize us if they spot us again.

Not half as fast as we'll
spot them in that orange car.

One more thing..

Keep the witness as co-operative

and as comfortable as possible.

So do your best to..

Well, do everything he says.

Mm-hmm, sure.

I'll be glad to.

And you know that
ain't gonna be too hard.

Seein' as how we ain't got too
much to give anybody anyway.

Jesse, I knew we
could count on you.

Okay. Bring him in.

Don't that pluck
your pant feathers.

Friends, I think the fat
is fixin' to fall in the fire.

- Mornin', Jesse.
- That... is your witness?

Alright, boys..

Bring that chair right in here.

I think the living room
would be the place for it.

Easy does it. That's it.

Now, careful, don't
let that chair knock.

J.D..

You're the witness?

Yeah, why not?

I've got the memory
of an elephant

and I can sing like a bird.

But-but... I-I thought
you was in Biloxi

foreclosin' on some poor old
widow lady's soybean farm...

That's a story J.D. cooked
up to keep the hitmen off.

Not that they'd expect to find
him in the home of his oldest..

How about oldest member
of the loyal opposition?

- Loyal?
- Yeah.

'Course, Jesse..

You're gonna have to make
a few improvements here.

For a person of my position's
gonna live in this place.

'Uh, even for hours.'

Yeah, I might bring
in some of my pigs

'so you'd feel right at home.'

Why don't we just leave you
two alone to work out the details?

Thanks again, Jesse.

We'll call before we pick
him up for the trial tomorrow.

Sooner the better.

Pigs? Sooner the better?

Jesse, I wish you'd
watch your language.

I'm a guest in your home.

That's no way to
treat your guest.

Now, speakin' of
treating your guest..

I'll take my breakfast at : .

Nothin' fancy now.

Just two pounds of raw liver

'and black coffee
heavy on the chicory.'

You're sure that's enough?

For my first meal, yeah.

And here are the menus for my
lunch and my dinner and supper..

..and tomorrow.

But you can just surprise
me on my morning snack.

Snack?

Why don't you just go on a fast

and put the world's food
supply back into balance?

Jesse Duke, I'm a
government witness..

And it's your job
to keep me happy.

And you'll do that by hidin'
me safe, keepin' me fed

and stayin' off the phone.

- Off the phone?
- Yeah.

I got to check in regular
with Sheriff Rosco

to see how he's holding
the fort here in Hazzard..

While I'm down in Biloxi

foreclosin' on the poor
old widow's soybean farm.

And bring my bag
in here, will you?

With the General
Lee's carburetor

coughing like a calf.

It weren't no surprise
that the hitmen

beat the Duke boys back to town.

That's Boss Hogg's car.

Only one like it in the county.

Headin' straight for City Hall.
Too bad he ain't gonna make it.

That's not J.D., just a local.
Let's go before we're spotted.

Rosco..

This here is the
bill for Boss' car.

And there is the
door, so use it.

Rosco, we gotta
report a sh**t'.

A-A sh**t'? Who?
When? Who got shot?

Us. 'Cept they missed.

It happened half hour
ago at Bensons Woods.

Oh, that figures, that
was Ned Benson, I guess.

I told him you were
there poachin' on his land.

Rosco, you're
wrong on both counts.

We wasn't poachin' and
it wasn't Ned Benson.

Not unless he took
up wearing suits.

It was a couple of city dudes
we've never seen before.

If y'all want me to I'll type an
official report of the incident.

- Thank you, Enos.
- No, you ain't, Enos.

You're not gonna waste your
time on such picayune things

as somebody sh**t'
at the Duke boys here.

'Beside you gotta
take over my duties'

when I take over the charge
and affairs of the Boss Hogg

while he is foreclosin' on
that orphanage in Memphis.

Well, good. If Boss ain't in
Memphis he is in Nashville.

Sellin' his interest in Loretta
Lynn's recording studio.

Oh, Cooter, I
thing he's over in...

Will you all hush?

I don't care if he's on the
moon sellin' green cheese.

I'm in charge now.

And I don't buy you
two's story anymore

than I'm gonna
pay your bill, Cooter.

Don't pay the bill,
you don't get the car.

Don't you thr*aten me,
you shady mechanic.

That vehicle happens to belong
to the County Commissioner

J.D. Hogg

and if you don't
hand it over, Cooter

then he's gonna fine
you double that bill

for obstructin' official
county business.

Now, get.

Rosco, do me a favor.

Don't send me no more
business, I can't afford it.

What are you complainin' about?

You got the monopoly
in Hazzard. Now, get.

Enos, did you here me say get?

Me too, sheriff?

When I say get, I
mean dipsticks too.

Now, get!

One day off and ol' Boss

had a chance to
keep ol' Jesse hoppin'.

And he was really
in Hogg heaven.

Hello, J.D.

Uh, hold on, Jesse.

First, you better move this
chair further from the window.

We all gotta be careful.

With me to do the
testifying in court

you wouldn't want me to
catch laryngitis, would ya?

Well, it don't make me no
nevermind what I want, J.D.

I promised the feds
I'd take care of you.

And that's what I'm gonna do.

Now, just try that.

Yeah, that's better.

Here you go, J.D.

If you hand me the lemonade?

Here you are.

Yes, sir.

Me acting as government witness

will sure send that racketeer
to the penitentiary for life.

That so?

And..

It might even send me

to the governor's
mansion for a term or two.

There goes the state.

Yes, siree bob.

If I could do what I've done..

While commissioned..

With a little itty-bitty
county like Hazzard.

Just think what I could do..

While governor with
a whole big state.

Cheat, hornswoggle and rip off.

Jesse, I'm gonna
have to ask you again

to watch your language to
a guest in your own home.

Those are hard
words for you to say

about our great American
tradition of winner take all.

'All I meant was that
after I get elected governor'

'I'm gonna run this
state like a winner.'

Now, this here's
a little too sweet.

Not enough lemon.

But I'll take
another refill anyhow

because I'm gettin' so dry.

Dry.

Jesse!

Oh, oh.

Here you go.

I don't care what you say, Enos.

Rosco spends all his
time doing Boss's business

and you end up doin'
all sheriffin' around here.

Well, I don't mind, Daisy.

Working three shifts gives
me many chances to drop in

get a buttermilk,
and say "hey" to you.

Oh, Enos, sometimes
you are so cute.

Good morning, Miss. Officer.

We represent The
Bible Encyclopedia.

We received an enquiry
from a prospective customer..

A Mr. Hogg. A
Jefferson Davis Hogg.

Wonder if you'd
tell us where he is?

Sure, he's in Charlottesville
doing some legal business.

'Uh, No, Daisy.'

Judge Druten just told
me he was in New Orleans

buyin' a mardi gras
franchise for Hazzard County.

He cant do that till
he stops by Enterprise

and puts a bid on that
statue of the boll weevil

for a tourist attraction.

Only first, he's got to
buy that amusement park

'in Montgomery to put it in.'

Well, thank you we can see
that Brother Hogg is a busy man.

We hope to catch him on
our next pass through here.

Thanks anyway, and bless you.

'Sure. You're welcome.'

We're glad to be of help y'all.

I think we oughta stop by the
Boar's Nest for some free beers.

Dealing with Rosco just
leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

When a man's supposed
to be in different cities

at the same time it can
only mean one thing.

Yeah, he's hidin' somewhere
right here in Hazard county.

But we only got
hours to find him.

Or less if they spot us.

Keep rolling.

Worse now, we'll be
busy dodging the local law

to make the hit on Boss Hogg.

A fine time for the General to
have another attack of vapors.

See if you can get some
more out of this thing.

Pull up alongside them.

If the General don't
hurry up and do something

it's gonna be
Appomattox all over again.

Um... there they got
a chance to surrender.

Hmm, talkin' about
sittin' Dukes, uh, ducks.

You alright?

I hit my head on the
dang steering wheel.

Otherwise.

Good ol' General Lee.

He's well named.

Just when you think he's
whooped, he comes right back.

Who are those guys
anyways? What do they want?

I ain't sure, but..

Let's take the back way home,
so they don't get another shot.

- Sheriff?
- Hmm?

- I'm worried.
- You're worried?

You can imagine how I feel
with a yo-yo like you for a deputy.

I mean about Mr. Hogg.

I must've asked a dozen
people including his wife Lulu

and everyone of 'em thinks
he's in a different place.

Well, there ain't
no law against that.

Sheriff, it don't
feel right, ev..

Enos, all you're doing is
openin' a can of worms.

Now, I happen to
know where the worm..

Where Boss is.

- You do?
- Yup.

Well, possum on a gum bush.
You sure could've fooled me.

Enos, anybody could fool you.

Look, it is now
time for my patrol.

So what I want you to do
is pretend that you are me

and go out on patrol.

'Now, can you do that?'

Yes, sir, pretend I'm you.

Yeah. Yeah, you got it.

I got important things
to do for the Boss.

- Pretend I'm you.
- Do Boss things.

Ah, forget it, Bo.

Them city dudes couldn't
have been tryin' to rip us off.

Heck, we ain't got
nothin' worth stealing.

Hey, Uncle Jesse, we're home.

Even though we got shot
at by some city dudes.

'City dudes?'

Jesse... I need a
sharp razor because..

Oh, afternoon, Bo.
Afternoon, Luke.

He's foreclosed on our
mortgage and moved in.

Lock, stock and freezer.

Now, just hold it boys.

'J.D.'s here because
I invited him here'

and while he is here

you two are gonna show him
good Duke hospitality, understand?

Uncle Jesse, a chicken don't
open a barn door for a coyote.

The Dukes and the Hoggs have
been opposite sides for years.

We always have been
and we always will be.

The day we step over that
fence is gonna be a cold day...

Now, you watch your language.

'And listen to me.'

'You boys are
reacting to prejudice.'

The good Lord put
us here on this Earth

to overcome things like

hating people for something
they did to us in the past.

Doesn't that make sense?
Don't you understand that?

Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir.
- Well, good.

Now, why is he really here?

Well, he is here because, uh..

The feds asked us
to look out for him.

That's right. I'm an
important government witness.

Just may be them city
dudes that was taking sh*ts

at you two fellas are the
one's we're protectin' him from.

City dudes?

Bar the door, close the
shutters, give me a sh**ting...

J.D., J.D., just sit down.

There ain't no way you're
gonna get hurt on my farm.

With Boss too scared to eat

he only polished off one ortwo
jars of pigs' feet for supper.

And while he was
sleepin' off his indigestion..

Goodnight, world.

Hey, don't sh**t! You
got the wrong man.

Besides my lips is sealed.

Boss! You dirty old man.

Now, now, Daisy, let me explain.

You just explain it to Lulu.

Lulu? If that blabbermouth
hears I'm in town, I'm a goner.

Well, that ain't gonna be
nothing to what Uncle Jesse

does to you when he
catches you here, now git.

Huh, I said git, Boss.
Get out of my bed.

Out. Out! Get out!

I mean go! Go!

- J.D.
- Uncle Jesse.

Jesse, that girl's
done lost her mind.

Listen, Boss..

When that whistle blows
at the Boar's Nest, that's it.

There is no overtime here.

- What?
- You heard me.

Uh, now, now, now, now,
Daisy, just settle down.

I told J.D. that he could
sleep in here till you got home.

Sleep in here? You said?

Alright, explain it to her from
the beginning, will you, Jesse?

I got to get some sleep.

Not in my bed, you don't.

The feds say different.

Now, don't you worry, sugarplum.

My barber chair's
just over there.

And in it you'll be right
comfortable till mornin'.

Goodnight.

Sleep tight.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

What's going on?

Now, Daisy
baby, it's like this..

What do you say, Enos?

'Howdy, Cooter.'

How you doing?

Come on in for
breakfast, I got it planned.

No, I appreciate it, Cooter.

I'm a grits and
eggs man, myself.

To each his druthers.

Anything I can do you for?

It's just, well, I'm
worried about Mr. Hogg.

Last I heard he went
down to Okefenokee

to buy some him some
gators for his handbag factory.

That's what I told them
two real estate brokers

by here last night
looking for him.

- Real estate brokers.
- Oh, yeah.

Couple of real sports you
know, strapped ties, shiny shoes.

- Red jackets?
- Mm-hmm.

That's the exact description of
them two encyclopedia salesmen

that was askin' for him in
the Boar's Nest yesterday.

Enos, it's a funny thing.

A man that's disliked
as much as J.D. Hogg

he sure is getting
popular here lately.

That's exactly what
I told the sheriff.

He wouldn't listen.

If I don't find somebody to
hear me out soon, Cooter

I'm gonna flat burst.

Do me a favor, Enos.

Don't do it around here
or it'll get all over my tools.

Go out in the country, like
out at the Duke farm and burst.

- Bo and Luke.
- Yeah.

They's about the only ones
who always listen to me.

- Thank you.
- Any old time.

I believe I'll have a
doughnut. Thank you, Cooter.

You're welcome..

Take it easy.

- Here.
- That's it, it's alright.

Move another inch then, Jesse.

And another inch

and then another inch
there. I think that'll do.

Cut it.

You know what?
You need more trees.

Then I wouldn't have
to keep asking you

to move my chair so
I can sit in the shade.

What I need is a set of earmuffs
so I wouldn't have to listen

to your constant jabber.

Well, it's either talk or
stop biting my finger nails.

And it don't make sense to
ruin a two dollar manicure.

'Well, it's just
two dollars worth?'

Jesse, you and me,
we go back many years.

Too many, to lose you now.

Well, that's uncomfortable.

Now, there's a
real comfort to me.

Well, you see,
J.D., the way it is

if anything goes wrong
or is bad in this county

I know exactly where to look.

'If I lose you'

I wouldn't have
anybody left to fight with.

Oh, I know you wouldn't.

Can you believe uncle Jesse
and Boss talking like that?

And I figured uncle Jesse
would've blown a gasket by now.

You know, speaking
of gaskets, I bet...

Ain't no gasket. But
I got it pinned down.

'Remember when adjusted the
jets we had to force that one a bit?'

Yeah.

Well, must've
stripped the threads.

- Is anybody expecting company?
- I certainly hope not.

They found me. I'm dead.

'Boss, you just
relax it's only Enos.'

Only Enos?

Why, he's a blabber
mouth than my wife Lulu.

If he spots me, I'm double dead.

Get the squirt, get in the car.

Oh, yeah car. Where?

Ah-h-h.

Argh, I'm stuck.

- I'll pull him in.
- Argh!

Alright, in the back now.

'Where you Dukes goin'?

Hey, Enos.

Is there anything
I can do for you?

If you only knew.

I mean, but not
while I'm on duty.

I mean, hey, Daisy.

- Bye, Daisy.
- Bye, Enos.

Oh-h-h.

Uh-Boss, we can only fit
two in the front. Get back.

Hey, you'll pull over
so that we can talk.

Got no time for chat, Enos.

We're running an
important errand for Jesse.

But it's about Mr. Hogg,
I need to talk to you.

Boss ain't a fitting
topic for a conversation

on an empty stomach.

Now this..

He'll see ya.

Look, we're searching one
end of the county to the other.

If Hogg's anywhere in Hazzard,
we'll find him for the trial.

Sorry, fellows, but
I'm desperate now.

'You'll are moving
too slow for speeding.'

'So, I may've to pull you
over for impeding traffic.'

Like heck you will.

Enos, this is your commanding
officer commanding.

There's a herd of cows
on the rail road tracks

over at Wilton Creek.

I want you to stop
everything and shoo 'em off.

'Before we're up to
our ears in hamburgers.'

Yes, sir, commanding officer.

I'm stopping perusing
and starting shooing.

Kinda rhymed, didn't it sheriff?

It's those hayseeds again.

We've got to cover our
tracks, come on, let's go.

Hey, looks like we lost
them. Thanks to old Roscoe.

That's the first sensible order
Roscoe has given all year.

Heh heh heh.

I reckon we're safe enough now.

- It's them again.
- Who?

Looks we didn't
shake 'em after all.

'Hey, maybe we can.'

'We gotta beat them to the
other side of the rail road tunnel.'

'Thought this was
two-lane tunnel.'

'That's a four-lane truck.'

It's wolves behind 'em

a road hog in front and
the Dukes in the middle.

So, y'all hang on.

Are you still with us?

- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, my gosh.

I'm sure glad that
ain't my transmission.

She's not getting any traction.

We have to find some rocks to
shove under these rear wheels.

You think they cramped up?

No, we'd have the
crash, if they did.

They are probably arguing
about who had the right way

the truck or them.

'This is Shepherd
to Lost Sheep.'

'Do you hear? Ah, read me?'

Got you loud on clear,
Shepherd. What's up?

That tub of lard
you're carrying around

I've just had a call
from, you know what

saying they'd be ready
to pick up, you know who

in about an hour.

Now, can you have, you
know who, here in that time?

Well, we should give
it a try there, Shepherd.

Uh, we're gonna need
another lard carrier though

this one might not
even make it into town

and that's only a few
miles. You got that?

Uh, loud and clear.

Tub of lard?

Now, that's no way to refer

to an important
government witness.

If we'd called you by your name

you'll wind up being a
dead government witness.

Which you're gonna be for sure

if you don't duck,
and stay ducked

till I tell you to unduck.

Yeah, that's should do it.
Come on, let's give it a try.

'Roscoe, you gotta
be out your mind.'

You got the gall to offer
me $ for fixing Boss' car.

Just who do you
think you are anyhow?

I don't have to think of
who I am. I know who I am.

I am a temporary Boss.

Well, you may be temporary Boss.

But if you think I'm gonna
settle for cents on a dollar

you was just temporarily
behind the door

when the brains was passed out.

Cooter, I don't think you
have much choice in the matter.

I ain't gonna fix that busted
start over patrol car, neither.

Cooter, you stop bugging
me about such trivial things

as the sheriff's department.

I'm in the big
Boss business now.

Of course it may
only be temporary.

But you can bet if old J.D. Hogg

is certainly taken to
that happy convertible

up in the sky..

I'm going to be
standing right here

to jump into his white
boots and white hat

on permanent basis.

I love it. I love it.

And then... you'll be happy

to settle for a
dime on the dollar.

- Roscoe...
- Get your hand of my car.

'Get the door shut.'

Now, last time I've seen
anybody driving like that

they was running from revenuers.

Is y'all running shine again?

Not the Dukes.

Unless there is jug of
it hidden in back pocket

of what we are running.

Come on.

- Feast your eyes.
- What do we have here?

Boss Hogg!

Boss.

Boss, it was rumored
to be in every state Dixie.

What you doin' here in Hazzard?

Praying I'll live long enough
to get out of this junk heap.

- High time he
prayed - "Junk heap".

What kinda talk is that?

Now, what are we gonna do?

No telling where
those K*llers are.

K*llers?

Yeah, these professional hitmen

hired to stop Boss
from testifying

against their boss.

Yeah, they also hired to
stop us testifying against them.

When they do..

"When"? At least I
was safe is an "if".

We had been hiding
him out at the farm.

We gotta get him back there

so feds can take
him to the trial.

That's if we get him
out of the General Lee.

This is harder than
getting d*ck Campbell

through an eye of a needle.

Why don't y'all
just leave him here.

Let the feds pick him up here?

We can't do that.

See they are hired to stop
him testifying at any price.

Yeah, they spot him here in
town. People might get hurt.

- Ooh, that's much..
- You gotta point there.

You must have
scraped half my hide off.

Boss, we're trying to
save the other half for you.

We'd better fix that
carburetor and fast.

Hey, Cooter, how's
the old pickup running?

Oh, like a dream.

Pickup?

Ooh!

You will let us borrow
that pickup now, won't you?

- No.
- No?

But I'll let you rent it.

Say, for the difference
between what Roscoe paid me

'for fixing your car what
you actually owe me.'

That's highway robbery!

Oh, yeah. Well,
you ought to know

'cause you invented
it and I want cash.

I want cash. No promises.
No checks. No money orders.

Just COB.

- COB?
- Cash on the barrel hand.

You notice anything
strange or unusual out there?

'Yeah, strange, unusual, yeah.'

'Roscoe being temporary
Boss over there.'

Ooh! Roscoe, temporary Boss?

He's using my car, my cigars
and wearing clothes like mine.

You know, Boss, all
dressing up like that

Roscoe even kind of
looks like you from here.

With that orange car
which was back firing

those routes couldn't
have gotten much farther.

Why settle for a
couple of minnows

when we get the
whale, that we came for.

Pull over so I can get
a clean shot at him.

Hey, psst.

We ain't the only
ones who think so.

'Over there in that maroon
car. It's our two friends.'

'And it ain't possum you'd
hunt with that pea-sh**t.'

Better get Roscoe off the street

and out of them
clothes, and fast.

Uh, Cooter, why don't you hand
me that bucket of draining oil.

Just as soon as he steps
out from behind that car.

Hey, Roscoe, catch.

You, dang Duke boys!

I'm gonna arrest you for,
for speeding, reckless driving

and a felony for..

You aren't getting away with
this, Chief Roscoe Coltrane!

I'm charging you rent
on my car, my cigars!

Jackpot.

Then I'm gonna vote
for capital punishment

and hang 'em!

I'm so mad, I could
spit barbed wire.

And by the look, my
enemies are trying to k*ll me.

My friends are imitating
me and stealing me blind.

Boss, that's just the price

that a public spirited
citizen's gotta pay.

Yeah, for trying
to testify his way

into the governor's mansion.

Well, ain't worth it.

After I get that Savannah
racketeer put behind bars

I ain't gonna settle
for anything less

than the White House.

What was that?

He must have looked
in the mirror and broke it.

Hang on.

Breaker... cousin.

This here is Lost Sheep.
We're on Abernathy Road.

We need your help.
We're gonna need it quick.

You got it. I'm on my way.

One hit in the gas
t*nk and it's all over.

Left turn's coming up.
You'll be right on target.

Don't save you tears.

We're liable to need
'em to put out a gas fire.

Know what I mean?

Dang.

Get out of the way!

I'm trying. I'm
trying, you know.

Lost Sheep to Shepherd.

Y'all still hanging in there?

This is Shepherd
back to Lost Sheep.

You better believe
I'm hanging in.

What's on your mind?

We're back on the
road, with you know what.

'You know who, there yet?'

Uh, yeah.

'Everything is going
according to plan.'

'Just remember how important
everything is here now.'

'Yes we'll do
everything in our power'

'to get this dang thing
over as soon as possible.'

Lost Sheep out.

Lord have mercy!
It's them again!

Boss.

'Roscoe, Enos. Somebody
help me! Anybody help!'

Are you trying to get yourself
k*lled? Now, give me that.

That's exactly what's
going to happen

if you two don't get
me out of this truck.

'And I can't die now.'

Help a child in need. It's me.

Boss, this is my last warning.

Now, if you don't
lie down and stay still

'I ain't responsible for
anything that happens.'

Sheriff?

'I mean temporary Boss
from your inferior officer.'

'I hope you've got your ears
on 'cause this is important.'

Enos, this is Sheriff Roscoe.

You never had a important idea
in your whole life. Come back.

Sheriff, something awful
is happening to Mr. Hogg.

Now, where would you get a
dang fool idea like that? Come on.

Over CB emergency
channel. I hate to say it, sheriff.

Bo and Luke's got him in a
truck and he's squealing like a pig

but they still
won't let him out.

Did you know where
they're at now? Come on.

No, sir. But I heard Jesse
telling 'em to get him to farm.

Ooh-ooh. Jesse, huh?

That means the whole
clan's in on it. Over.

In on what, sheriff?

Kidnappin', you meddle muffin.

Now, listen, that
makes it a big offense.

That means Jesse
will have to get in jail

with the rest of the boys.

Now, listen, you hard
tail it over there at the farm

and-and we got
some arresting to do.

Yes, sir commanding
officer. Over and out.

Darn, it won't start.

That dang Cooter. He..

Love it. I love it.

'Listen, Shepherd,
this here is Lost Sheep.'

We're gonna be heading
through the South

more fire power and we're
tailing the Yankees giddy for.

Listen, you better
get, you know what

'headed in the right direction.
We'll get, you know who'

Alright, we'll do that.

Now, you just keep your
head down and keep it comin'.

We gotta get your car
headed towards the front road.

Wolf's headed right
up in that direction.

- Back her up.
- Yes, Jesse.

Come on, let's get
that fat little fiend.

The radiator.

Take the pickup. I'll cover you.

'Keep your head low.'

Hit it, cousin.

Get moving now.

I got 'em. This
time I really got 'em!

'It's Roscoe. Right behind us.'

I ain't ready to die here.

Slow down. So, we
can pull along side.

Don't worry,
Boss, I'll save you.

Yeah, you gotta do that fine

but you ain't gonna
do it by pulling over.

Roscoe, now, now,
just hold it steady.

You got a couple of
passengers coming aboard.

Roscoe, I'm charging
you rent for that car!

What? Wha..

I'll catch you, come on, Boss.

No!

Come on, Boss.

Keep it steady. Come on, Boss.

Oh, oh, oh, don't
do that. Oh-oh.

Will you trust
this once, please?

You gotta better
ride here. It's smooth.

'Get in here, come on.'

I'm alright. I'm here.

- Boy, you're hurting my back.
- Are they still there?

- Turn off. Turn off.
- Be careful now, Bo.

Hey, y'all don't worry. I
got it all under control.

- Turn off.
- Turn off.

Minute them hitmen hit the lake

it was all over.

Enos showed up just in
time to make the arrests

after Bo drudged
them out of the water.

Daisy made sure
Boss tidied up things

just the way he found.

Look at this.

- Oh. Give me that!
- Get the night-shirt too, Boss.

Cooter collected for
every last b*llet hole

them thugs put in his pickup

while it was under rent to Boss.

But the real clot
in the buttermilk

came when the feds phone
to say that the racketeer

had changed his plea to guilt.

Robbing old Boss the
chance to testify hisself

into the governor's mansion.

Hello. J.D. Hogg.

Oh.

Jesse and the boys
got a Certificate of Valor

from the feds.

For risking their
lives for their country.

Even though they
misspelled Jesse's name.

It just goes to show
you that you never know

how anything is gonna end up

when it starts out with
the Dukes Of Hazzard.