02x01 - Days of Shine and Roses

[bunniefuu]

Who's the greatest
moon runner of all time?

I don't see no problem
with you winnin' that race.

Car against car.

- Don't do it.
- 'Yee-haa!'

I don't give a hang
about fair play.

Those dirty sidewinders.

Welcome, folks, to the
annual ridge runners reunion.

For years now, these
old time moonshiners

and their loved ones
have been gettin' together

all over the country,
to eat, drink, tell lies

and drink, and make merry.

As they wistfully recall

those days of "Shine and Roses."

'Who is that dude?'

That dude is now Chief
Bachley, from Grand County.

- Mmm, kinda cute.
- He he.

'Hey, there's Jesse.'

Oh! Uncle Jesse, are you cute!

Uncle Jesse.

Ain't a revenuer alive
who could've caught

Jesse in the Black Tilly.

Here comes J.D.
Hogg in the Gray Ghost.

'Them revenuers, they
never did have no respect'

'for the polish on
the mayor'scar.'

Boss, you sure did have a
nice big mop of hair once.

- 'He got him.'
- 'Got away, too. Look at this.'

I tell you, Boss sure did
drive a mean car back then.

Wonder why he
don't drive anymore?

That's easy, he can't fit
behind the wheel no more.

'You kids shouldn't talk
about your elders that way.'

Look, you oughta not boo
the law. That's the law there.

'That man was real nasty.'

Was and is. That there is
Sheriff Emmitt Spike Loomis

of Hatchapee County.

- Spike?
- Why'd did they call him that?

Watch.

Oh, he sure was hard on
anybody he caught runnin' shine.

And we wasn't
even runnin' shine.

J.D. and me was
just goin' fishing.

'Just fishin'.
That's all. Fishing.'

'That's his idea of a warning.'

Hey, hold it now. Folks, I think
that we owe Able, over here

'a real nice thank you
for furnishing us with this'

X-rated movies
that we've just seen.

How'd you get that movie, Able?

Just 'cause I'm a retired
revenuer don't mean

I still ain't got some
friends in the department.

Oh, Uncle Jesse,
you were so terrific.

I tell you, right there was
proof that our Uncle Jesse

is the best moonshine
runner in the whole world.

Well, I wouldn't say that.

No, neither would I.

Boss here, now, he
can run a roadblock

better than any ridge runner.

He told. Didn't you, boss?

Yeah, yeah.

Now, wait a minute.

Maybe, y'all weren't watching
the same movie that we saw.

But from what I saw

Boss couldn't even hardly
keep up with Uncle Jesse.

Oh, take it easy, Bo.

I'm just tellin'
the truth, Luke.

Everybody here knows
that our Uncle Jesse

is the best moonshine
runner in the whole world.

- That's right.
- Yeah!

Rosco? You gonna take that?

No. Uh, Bo.

- What?
- Hush.

Now, Daisy, Bo,
Luke, come on now.

We come here to have a good
time and talk and eat popcorn.

'Not to argue.'

Just the same, Jesse.

I think you'll have to admit
deep down, won't you?

That when it came to
both of us runnin' shine

you spend most of your time

smellin' my smoke
and eatin' my dust.

Smelling your..

The only smoke
of yours I smelled

was when you'd stop and get them

barbecued boar
ribs every miles.

And you know to this day
every time you clear your throat

it's my dust that's in there.

- Is that a fact?
- That's a fact.

Well, lemme tell you I was
ahead of you every time.

You were only ahead
when we was going to lunch.

- 'If I was drivin'... '
- 'If you were still drivin'... '

I'd be ahead of you..

Alright.

According to the bye-laws

of the "All Time
Ridge Run Association"

ain't but one way to prove
who's still the best driver

now, is there?

Uncle Jesse, don't do it.

Jesse, please count ten.

- You got it.
- Me against you.

- Car against car.
- Three days from today.

To Hatchapee County.

- Hatchapee County?
- Hatchapee County?

Sheriff Spike
Loomis's territory, huh?

Right through Hard Labor Creek.

Cousin, you just
started World w*r III.

Alright.

- Done.
- Done.

Hold your spit, gentlemen.

Ah, now listen, I don't
wanna be a party pooper.

- Then shut up.
- Ah, Boss.

You can't race cars in Hazzard
County. It's against the law.

What the law don't
know, won't hurt 'em.

But I know about it.

Well, you ain't here
to know about it.

- I'm standin' right here.
- You're somewhere else.

- You're in your office.
- But I ain't there.

Just like you ain't here.

If not there or
here, then where?

Fired if you don't
button your mouth!

I understand that.

What are the people in
Hazzard County gonna say?

Nothin'.

Because we're gonna keep
this big race a little secret.

'Just amongst ourselves.'

- Agreed?
- Agreed.

- Done!
- Done!

But when it came to keepin'
a secret about the final run

between Jesse and Boss
Hogg, one fellow secretly told two.

Those two secretly told four.
And four secretly told eight.

And so on till somebody
finally decided to keep the secret

and tell nobody else.

Which kinda cut down
on the attendance.

Now, if you're wonderin' why
the mention of Hatchapee County

tends to stir people up a
bit, let me introduce you folks

to Sheriff Emmitt Spike Loomis.

A man who has no
use for moonshiners.

And has his own
peculiar way of showin' it.

This ridge runnin' heap of
trash belong to you, boy?

Well, it don't no more.

Fortunately, old Spike has
mellowed out with the years.

You and your big mouth.

Oh, now, you'll tell
me it's all my fault.

You supposed right. Unless
you can get him out of all this.

Well, I guess,
what's done is done.

Can't be undone,
that's for sure.

It's about time you
two saw the light.

You should know by now that
Jesse Duke never backs down

from a challenge.

Especially one from J.D. Hogg.

Now, why don't the two of you

quit jawin' and
get back to work.

Yes, sir.

With the moonshine run just
two days away, Jesse and Boss

agreed to meet on neutral
ground, with their seconds.

And the only neutral ground

Jesse would agree to
was Cooter's garage.

Alright, y'all. Let's agree.

The race'll start in front of
the Boars Nest at high noon.

Now, this here race is a
big circle with one invasion

into Choctaw County,
Sheriff Loomis' territory.

And we go out here on highway
through Calico Junction

past Hard Labor Creek, then
you go through Hatchapee

and then there's a final
run back to the Boars Nest.

And may the best man win.

He will.

- Good luck, Uncle Jesse.
- Thanks, Cooter.

You two sure you wanna
go through with this?

It's been a long time
between runs, for both of you.

Luke, running whisky's like
ridin' a bicycle or makin' love.

Once you learn you never forget.

The Boss is the best,
and we aim to prove it.

Alright, y'all. There's one
more thing, and that's the cargo.

It'll be the usual
gallons of shine.

Now, just a minute. The
Dukes don't run no real shine.

We made a deal with the
U.S. of A. Federal Government

and we don't renege.

Besides, I don't want to
jeopardize these boys probation.

So, we carry water.

Ten jugs of water.
Is that agreed?

Alright, agreed.

Let's go, Rosco.

After all these years of
bein' chauffeured around

I've gotta get the rust
out of these drivin' hands.

There ain't no rust in
those little fat fingers.

That ain't rust, that's fat.

I sure wished I had my
old runner for this race.

Black Tilly, I called her.

'She could smell out a
revenuer long before I could.'

'Yeah, they don't make cars
with noses like that no more.'

Yeah, sure they do, Uncle Jesse.

Go beyond. She's
yours, if you want her.

Well, that's very nice of
you, Cooter, but I don't know.

Now, Cooter, this thing don't
look like much of nothing to me.

I've seen better lookin'
cars in the junkyard.

But it is my favorite
runnin' color. Black.

Y'all ought not to
judge a car by its hood.

Least-wise not till
you've looked under it.

'Well, well, look at that.'

Y'all gentlemen's were sayin'..

Cooter, I'm-I'm
obliged. I'll take it.

Yes, sir. I'll run it.

I'll call her Black Tilly II.

Uncle Jesse, I
don't see no problem

with you winning that race.

Not with this thing. Whoo!

Unless maybe, Boss
decides to run an unfair race.

Now, I know that J.D. Hogg
is a low down dirty skunk.

But underneath that stripe
running down his back

beats the heart of
an old moonshiner.

Rosco, as a member in
good standin' of the old time

Ridge Runners Association,
I've given my word of honor

that never would I
violate our code of fair play

toward a fellow
moonshiner, but..

You don't give a
hang about fair play.

I don't give a hang
about fair play.

I gotta win. I gotta win this
moonshine run against Jesse.

No matter what I gotta do.

No matter how crooked,
how rotten, how..

- Deceitful.
- Deceitful.

Yeah, that's a good
word. You're learning.

I try.

Well, here's what
you've gotta do.

That night, Boss had Rosco

pay a little social
visit to Jesse's car.

And give it a little somethin'

to make it run to
Boss' satisfaction.

You know a man who'd
fool with another man's car

just ain't got no class, at all.

Ain't it funny how
the most mature man

can be turned into a little boy?

If you give him the right toy.

Now, here we go one more time.

Cooter, I ain't sure
what you did to that car

but whatever it
is, you're a genius.

And I've always been
known for my good looks.

Priest on a pony. I thought that
stuff was guaranteed to work.

Uncle Jesse got more
moves with that thing

than a rabbit with
a bobcat on its tail.

Somebody's trained
you good, Tilly.

Oh, it's quittin'.
Yeah, it's quittin' time.

I love it. I love it.

She was goin' good and then
suddenly she started coughin'

and sputterin' and died.

I think it's got the vapors.

Well, what's wrong with it?

Don't know. Poor old thing.

I don't know whether
to bury it or fix it.

Fix it.

- I thought you'd say that.
- Soon.

Yesterday.

Now, there ain't no questions
that Boss Hogg was figurin'

to win this shine run
using all his resources.

Lyin', stealin' or cheatin'.

But that didn't stop him from
practicing some honest driving.

'Cause these old boys

was having the
time of their lives.

Oh, it sure works good.

Did you see that, Enos?

Me and the Gray Ghost
Jr. Are still the best.

Enos, you and your cat
naps. You missed it all.

Enos, wake up.

Ah! Mr. Hogg, you scared my dog.

Hey, Boss, guess what?

- I know.
- What?

You failed your entrance
exam for the cuckoo's nest.

But they're takin'
you away just to sing.

No, no. It worked,
Boss. It really worked.

Oh, that?

Speaking of work, Enos,
who's guarding those prisoners

back at the jail house?

Sheriff, we ain't
got no prisoners.

Well, then go get some,
you dipstick. Now, scoot.

Yes, sir.

Alright. Alright. Now, tell me.

How is Jesse's car
feelin' these days?

Sick, sick, sick!

I tell you, Boss, ain't
no way Jesse's car's

gonna beat you
in that shine race.

Rosco, you made
up for everything.

I'm right proud of you.

I appreciate it.
I appreciate it.

I wouldn't be surprised if
there'd be a little something

for you in your pay
envelope next time.

Oh, oh, you mean a raise, Boss?

No. Last month's back pay.

Oh. Oh.

Well, this is the last time
we're gonna take Uncle Jesse's

word about Boss
having any code of ethics.

- We gonna tell him about this?
- Nope.

The next time this
buggy leaves your sight

it's gonna be from
the startin' line.

You get that?

My sight? Why my sight?

'Cause no matter what you say,
it was you and your flapping jaw

that got Jesse into this mess.

Luke, you just
don't quit, do you?

You keep pipin'
about this thing...

May I tell y'all, whoever
Boss Hogg got to sabotage

that gas t*nk, could have used
good cleaning branch water.

I mean that t*nk was a mess.

Well, when Boss plays dirty
don't look for nothin' clean.

- Tell it like it is.
- What's the verdict?

Uncle Jesse, somebody...

It's the fuel pump, Uncle
Jesse. Some dirt in the fuel pump.

Ah, well, she didn't die
of the vapors, after all.

She's gonna live.

- Yeah, you bet. Good as new.
- Yes, sir.

Rosco, you know..

I was thinking I could
save miles on this race

by going through Miller's Swamp.

Now, it looks like Jesse's car

is gonna get bogged
down before it even starts.

You get that joke?

Swamp? Bogged?

Boss... what's a five
letter word for "Dunce"?

R-O-S-C-O.

Oh, oh, that fits.

Everybody, everybody, a toast.

A toast to the final
moonshine run

between Jesse Duke
and Boss J.D. Hogg.

And I am layin' even
money on Jesse Duke to win.

Any takers?

- $ on Boss Hogg.
- Alright.

And I've got another
, it says the same thing.

You're on. Only
let's make it a twenty.

All my tip money on Uncle Jesse.

Yeah, but there's only there,
Daisy. Where's the other ten?

Tip me the other
, Homer, you got it.

Well, before you knew it

everybody was bettin'
everything they had

on either Jesse and Black
Tilly or Boss and the Gray Ghost.

One fellow even
bet on both of 'em.

He wants to be the first guy in
Hazzard County to break even.

'Hey, look who's
comin' down the road'

'just tearin' up the cement.'

What the douche
is goin' on out there?

Oh!

Now, just stick
your foot in it, Bo.

Let 'em see what
Tilly can really do.

Rosco, next time
you sabotage a car

make sure it's mine.

That way it'll run forever.

W-well, what I should've
done, Boss, is put sugar

in that gas t*nk,
instead of water.

Not if you use the
water on your brain.

If it's thick enough
to clog your head

just think of what it
would've done to Jesse's car.

Well, Boss, it looks like you're
just gonna have to make that

moonshine run fair and square.

Easy does it, Rosco.

To me fair and square
are fightin' words.

Now, lemme think. Lemme think.

Now then, this moonshine
run maybe just the way for us

to get rid of them
Dukes once and for all.

Oh, Boss, I can see
those little wheels spinnin'

in that fat little head.

How?

Well, both Jesse and
me agreed to carry

jugs of water instead of
real shine, now, didn't we?

Boss, you're
rollin'. You're rollin'.

Well, so, what we're gonna
do is, we replace the water...

- With the moonshine.
- With the moonshine.

And then, Jesse's gonna get
himself caught with the shine.

Which will break his treaty
with the U.S. Government.

Then we could put
them Duke boys in jail.

Yeah, once and for all!

How do we get Jesse caught
with that shine in his cargo?

With this.

Watch.

Hatchapee County
Sheriff Station?

Lemme talk to Sheriff
Emmitt Loomis, please?

Spike Loomis?

'Hello? Hello, who's there?'

Sheriff Emmitt Loomis
here. State your business.

Sheriff, I'm a concerned citizen
from over in Hazzard County.

Who should like to
remain anonymous.

I'm busy. You've one
minute. What do you want?

Well, when I heard
about this moonshine run

'which is gonna go right
through your territory.'

- Moonshine! When?
- Tomorrow, sir.

Who?

I think the name is Jesse Duke.

Jesse Duke?

You've heard of him.
Oh, how convenient.

'He'll be in a black coupe.'

You will catch him, I hope.

Because you see, sir, I just
deplore the use of alcohol.

Bye.

Jesse Duke. After all
these years I finally got you.

I got you!

Now, we've all seen
Boss pull some pretty

underhanded dirty tricks.

But turning anybody over

to the likes of
Sheriff Spike Loomis

well, that just about
takes the cake.

It's been quite a while since
Jesse had run from the law.

So, he figured it wouldn't
do no harm to take a trial run.

Just to get his feet ready.

Yee-haa!

I thought you boys was gonna
give me some competition.

Can't you catch me?

Don't just sit here. Catch him.

Alright.

Too late, boys. You lose.
I'll see you back at the farm.

Somebody oughta take that
old man's license away from him.

I'm telling you, Boss,
you've got all angles covered

with other dirty angles.

Yeah.

But don't you think using
my patrol car is a bit obvious?

I mean, that'll stick out
like a June bug floating

in a bucket of buttermilk.

Didn't you hear what I said?

You ain't gonna use a patrol car

when you run interference
for me in that race.

'And don't you go wearing
that uniform, neither.'

Oh, I get to put on
some civilian clothes

and travel incognito.

Rosco, you foul up my
interference, and so help me

this time, next Thursday,
you're gonna travel incognito as..

- A night rent-a-cop.
- A night rent-a-cop.

- At Shorty's Rib Shack.
- At Shorty's Rib Shack.

- And Pool Hall.
- And Pool Hall.

- On Mud River Road.
- On Swamp Road.

- They moved.
- Oh, I didn't know.

Now git!

Bo, Luke. Rosco's
gonna run decoy for Boss

when he and Jesse make the run.

Well, that figures. It's
against all the ground rules.

It wouldn't be Boss, otherwise.

And that ain't all.

Rosco isn't gonna
be in his uniform.

And he ain't gonna
be drivin' his patrol car.

I guess, we're just
gonna have to interfere

with Rosco's interference
and make sure

Jesse ain't interfered with.

You got a way
with words, cousin.

Don't you think we oughta
tell Uncle Jesse about this?

Jesse wants to
run this race fair

and we'll see that he does it.

Ain't no use in worryin' him
about something we can handle.

- Right?
- Right.

- Alright.
- Let's go.

Hey, here comes Jesse Duke.

Here you go, Uncle Jesse.

Alright, Uncle Jesse.

Hey, here comes J.D. Hogg.

Alright now, folks.

Now, just to be sure

that Jesse here and the Boss

are both carrying the
required ten jugs of shine.

That's water, Sam.

Deputy Enos Straight is
going to inspect both vehicles.

- Come on, Enos. We trust you.
- You do?

You don't cheat on
your income tax, do you?

No.

Well, then you're the
only one... for the job.

Come on, Enos.

Both have got ten.
Fair and square.

Are you sure, Enos?

Yes, sir. I counted
jugs and divided by two.

Alright, J.D., let's get at it.

Eh, Jesse, say..

Eh, you know, we
can't kick off this run

without us, all of us
here, having our traditional

ridge runners round of drinks.

Now, can we?

Well, alright, everybody.
Drinks are on Boss.

- Wait a minute.
- Thank you, J.D.

Yeah, but..

Alright, you dipsticks.

Get that shine outta there,
and get it in Jesse's car.

Eh, Rosco, we've been thinking.

It don't seem right to
us pulling that dirty trick

like that on Jesse.

Right. We just
don't like it, that's all.

- No.
- You don't like it, huh?

Well, tell me when
you stop not likin' it

and start lovin' it.

Huh? Oh, no, no. Here.

That's it. Now you love it?

- We love it just fine.
- Let's get it.

Hey, y'all, to the final run.

To the final run!

Hurry up.

That'll be $ , Boss.

Put it on my tab.

But, Boss, you ain't got
no tab. You own this place.

You're right. Put
it on Rosco's tab.

And if he ain't got
one, make one.

Let's get this race
on the road, J.D.

Eh, hold you horses,
Jesse. I ain't finished yet.

Well, in that case,
I'll have another, Sam.

Then again, Jesse, quit stallin'

and let's get rollin'.

I don't much care for
that giggle of Rosco's.

It sounds about
like usual to me.

- Just stupid.
- Bring the General around back.

I'll meet you there
after the run starts.

Wait a minute! Don't
run over me now.

Mr. Hogg, get back
some, Mr. Hogg.

Come up some, Mr. Jesse.

Yaa-hew!

Yee-ha ha!

- Stay close on the C.B.
- Yeah.

Sheriff Loomis. Proceed.

Sheriff, this is an
anonymous caller.

- Oh, you again?
- Oh, no, no.

This is anonymous
caller, uh, the second part.

That was anonymous
caller of the first part.

Although, we are close
anonymous friends.

Get on with it.

Well, listen, this is just
an anonymous reminder

to let you know that
Jesse Duke has just started

his moonshine run
through your County.

He did, did he?

'He'll be driving
a black coupe.'

That man oughta
have himself put away.

Wonder how Uncle
Jesse's is doing?

Just fine, as long as
we can keep Rosco

from doing whatever
it is he's up to.

You better lay back, Jesse.

That's Willet Bridge up ahead.

There's room for one car
at a time, and that's me!

J.D., you better suck in that
belly and gimme some room

because I'm comin'
through with you.

Now, friends and neighbors,
there just ain't no way

that two cars can get through
Willet Bridge at one time.

Unless one of 'em went
piggy back on the other.

Looks like two c*ons
divin' for the same hole.

I can't look.

I guess, Daisy was right
about Rosco helpin' Boss

with that barricade.

Let's put a little
salt on his tail.

- .

Yeah, I'll show you, Jesse.

You just ride with
me, that's right.

You suppose Uncle
Jesse could keep his mind

on drivin', if he knew
that he was really carrying

moonshine right into
the jaws of the law.

Steady, men.

Eyes to the horizon.

We're gonna nail
us a ridge runner.

You know, even if
Jesse wins, he still loses

when he's caught with real
shine we switched in his car.

Hey, here's to Rosco
and Boss Hogg.

I don't like 'em, but
they sure do pay good.

Daisy.

Them dudes over there done
switched some jugs to shine.

We'd better check.

Water.

Those dirty sidewinders.

If Jesse gets caught,
he, Bo and Luke

are all gonna go to jail.

What're we gonna do?

Well, there ain't,
but one thing to do.

Gimme a hand in getting
these jugs in my truck, will you?

You can't get ahead of me.

Now, you'd think old
Boss would be satisfied

just getting Jesse
caught carrying shine.

But oh, no.

Boss wanted to make
sure he also won the race

and as usual Rosco helpin'
undermineded method.

We'd better get that outta
there before Uncle Jesse sees it.

Too late.

That does it then. Uncle
Jesse's out of the race.

Not if we can get him
back on the right road.

We're gonna need that
detour sign. Come on.

This is Crazy
Cooter comin' at you.

Anybody home on the
Hazzard net. Come on, Bo, Luke.

Try it again, Cooter.

Bo? Luke?

Y'all there? Y'all
read me? Come on.

They must be out of range.

Take that shortcut over there.

Don't look like
much of a shortcut.

It will be after you
go there, won't it?

Hey, you got a point there.

'Ye-e-e-hoo!'

If Jesse still believes in
signs, he's back in his race.

This whole country is
just one dang detour.

Let's go find Rosco,
see what he's up to.

You got it.

Hey! How?

Rosco, you dodo!

: hours, men.
Still counting down.

Be alert.

Rosco, Rosco, you hear
me? Rosco, do something.

'Do something. Over.'

'I'm comin', I'm comin'.'

So are we, Rosco.

'Rosco, do something.
Do something. Over.'

When do you figure, we come
back and get Rosco outta that mess?

I don't know. Give me a
week or two to think about it.

'Crazy Cooter comin' at
you. Bo, Luke, y'all there?'

Loud and clear,
Cooter. What's your ?

I'm on Pine Hollow Road
with Miss Daisy Duke.

Luke, Uncle Jesse is carrying
real shine on Black Tilly.

- Are you sure about that?
- As sure as sure can be.

I got the water jugs in the
back of my truck to prove it.

Rosco.

We've to get Uncle
Jesse outta that run

before he reaches Hatchapee
County with that load of shine.

Just gonna break his heart to
lose that race to old Boss Hogg.

Maybe, he won't have to.

Cooter, how soon can you
meet us at the Banta Crossroads?

Oh, we can meet you
there in no time, good buddy.

I hope you're thinkin'
what I am thinkin'

'cause that's why I
brought these jugs.

Then, let's do it.

Burn rubber-flubber.

'Boys, you just hold
everything right there.'

And that goes for
you too, Cooter.

'Now, there ain't no way
I'm gonna continue this thing'

'with real
moonshine in this rig.'

If I get caught, you
boys will be arrested.

Do you want that?

That's a pretty poor excuse

for pullin' out of a race.

You couldn't win anyway, Jesse.

'Jesse, just hold on
a little while longer.'

Now, if what we got in
mind don't work, I promise

you'll still have time to pull
out of this thing. Duke's honor.

Give it up, Jesse. Give it up.

Give it up? Ha!

I am just gonna hang on
to your tail a little while, J.D.

You better move it.

Floor it, hold her there.

Don't do it.

Daisy, would you mind watchin'
the store for just a second?

I am gonna take
me a little fresh air.

Okay, Cooter.

Excuse me, Miss
Daisy, is this seat taken?

No.

You're carryin' nothin',
but water now, Jesse.

- Give him hell.
- I read you, Luke.

Alright, J.D. let's see
who eats whose dust.

I thought this was just
a friendly race, Jesse.

You just keep that pedal
to the metal, Uncle Jesse.

Hammer down, Uncle
Jesse. You got him now.

Both cars had to run to
the Hatchapee County line

and crossover
into no man's land.

And the first one to be
back to the Boars Nest

would be the winner.

If that sounds simple

then you already forgot
about the Sheriff Spike Loomis.

I can smell 'em.

I can smell 'em.

Any minute now, men.

Outta my way.

I gotta get back
to the Boars Nest

to win this thing.

- Yee-haa!
- Hee-haw!

Well, they both made it into
Spike Loomis' no man's land.

Now, the first one back
to the Boars Nest, wins.

You wait for me, Jesse Duke.

Nobody tells lies about
me, without me being there.

- Hey, somebody's coming.
- Uh?

It's Uncle Jesse.

I got you now, Jesse Duke.

That's right, Loomis.
Arrest that ridge runner.

He'd been runnin' shine.

Oh, Boss, Uncle Jesse
ain't been runnin' no shine.

All he's got in the
trunk here is water.

- Water?
- That's right.

Shine?

Well, it was shine.
I know it was.

'Cause you had
Rosco put it there.

Yeah, 'cause I had
Rosco put it there myself.

'J.D.'

Not only have you blasphemed
the ethics and code of honor

of a ridge runner, you
are crooked, rotten and...

Deceitful?

Deceitful!

Deceitful. That's what you are.

I didn't say, I put
the shine in that car.

No. It was that dumb dodo
of a sheriff, Rosco P. Coltrane.

Arrest him.

Rosco. We left him
stuck back there.

He ain't stuck no more.

That's the legend
of the final run.

How Jesse Duke beat Boss
Hogg, and became the greatest

moonshine runner that
ever lived in Hazzard County.