06x25 - The Dog Show: Putting on the Dog/Going to the Dogs/Women's Best Friend/Whose Dog Is It Anyway?

[bunniefuu]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love
boat theme"]

Theme song: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat, promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love, won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love!

Welcome aboard.

It's love!

[Music playing]

[Barking]

That's a good dog.

A good dog!

Oh, what do we have here?

Here's to you.

Happy anniversary.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Aunt Tanya!

Uncle Charles!
- How are you?

Happy anniversary.

Oh, it's not until tomorrow,
but thanks anyway, Isaac.

How are you doing,
uncle Charles?

Just fine, Isaac.

Say, listen, I don't know they
allowed dogs on the cruise.

This is the exception.

They're having a big dog show.

Oh, great.

I love dogs.

Good.

Listen, I'll see
you both later on.

I've got to take care
of some business.

Ok?

Ok, sweetheart.

Say, what kind of
anniversary present

are you going to buy with
that money I gave you?

I've already bought something.

Say that's a marvelous purse.

You made a good choice.

This purse is five years old.

I've bought what
is in the purse.

You bought a dog?

What would you want
to buy a dog for?

You know how much trouble
it is to raise a dog?

But you told
Isaac you love dogs.

I love other people's dogs.

Dogs are like children.

I love other people's children
and other people's dogs.

Well I'm other people, and
you're going to love this dog.

Don't you worry, snookems.

Daddy's going to learn to love
you just like your mommy does.

Enjoy the cruise.

Well, I never thought i'd
end up being the captain

of a floating kennel.

Oh, captain, I think this is
going to be an exciting cruise.

It would be more exciting
if I were a collie.

Or a collie owner.

I wonder which one
of these lucky dogs

is going to win
that $ , prize?

That decision is
Mr. Honeycutt's.

This is his party.

I can't wait to meet him.

I like a guy that can
throw a $ , party.

[Knocking]

Come in.

You wanted to see me, sir?

Who are you?

I'm Howard pack.

I work in the mail room.

Oh, yeah.

Come on in.

I want you to hop over to
pier , the pacific Princess.

Give these entry
blanks to the captain.

Stubing, I believe his name is.

Yes, sir.

Oh, and tell the captain
I'll meet the ship in acapulco

before the dog show.

Something's come up.

I've got to fly over to
Las Vegas with my wife.

You'll meet the
ship in acapulco.

Got it.

Marital responsibilities
always come first.

Remember that.

Hurry up, sugar.

We'll miss our flight to Vegas.

Sorry.

Mrs. Honeycutt looks
different in person.

Son, let me-- let me give
you a little piece of advice.

Yes, sir.

You see, I started
in the mail room,

worked my way all the
way to the top by doing

one very important thing.

What's that, sir?

Keeping my mouth shut.

Yes, sir.

Nice timing.

[Music playing]

Hello, welcome aboard.

I'm Gary Wells, and
this is the Napoleon.

Don't tell him he's a dog.

He thinks he's the
emperor of France.

All right, Napoleon.

You're in the fiesta
deck, cabin .

Napoleon, are you going
to win all of that money

and get your picture on the can?

Come on.

I'm with you.

Nobody ever talks to me.

What a handsome animal.

Yeah, and the dog's
not bad, either.

Sparky!

Sparky!

Oh, I don't believe it!

I've found you at last!

Excuse me, miss.

His name is Napoleon.

I'm afraid you've
made a mistake.

Oh, no, this is my dog.

I lost him two years ago.

Just look at the way
he responds to me.

Oh, sparky.

You could do that to
me and I'd respond, too.

Come on, boy.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Hi, I'm Wendy carr,
and this is Morgan.

Does he come with a saddle?

No, but he eats like a horse.

Could you tell me where
the aloha deck is?

Yes.

Up the stairs and to the left.
- Thanks.

Enjoy the cruise.

I will.

I hate to say this,
merrill, but I think

this ship is going to the dogs.

I would hate to say that, too.

I wonder where Mr. Honeycutt is?

We're getting close to sailing.

Whoa!

Excuse me.

If you wanted to take him
for a walk, all you had to do

was ask.

You can take me for a walk.

Excuse me?
- Yes.

- Captain stubing?
- Yes

hi.
Jack honeycutt--

oh, Mr. Honeycutt!

Welcome aboard.

I was afraid you were
going to miss the ship.

Oh, no, no, no--

Mr. Honeycutt, I'd like
to have you meet Adam

bricker, the ship's doctor.

Oh that's quite a prize you're
offering to the winning dog,

Mr. Honeycutt.

Well, actually--

if you like, I'll have a
steward show you to your suite.

Captain, honestly,
I'm not really--

look at my dog.
Isn't he cute?

Isn't my dog cute?

He's cuter than hers!

Isn't' he gorgeous?

You're not sure about
what, Mr. Honeycutt?

I'm not really ready
to go to my suite yet.

Picking a winner is going
to be more of a challenge

than I thought.

Excuse me, sir.

If that's your only
bag, your tuxedo's

going to be very wrinkled.

Gopher!

What are you doing, man?

I've been looking
all over for you.

Did you buy us a dog we
can enter into the show?

Oh, hey, did I buy us a dog?

Isaac, I got us a beauty.

I've got him down in
the cabin right now.

That $ , is in our pockets.

All right!

What kind is he?

I don't know.
He didn't say.

What about the place
you bought him from?

Didn't they know
what kind he was?

Hey, when you
buy a dog for $ ,

you don't get the family tree.

$ ?

I talked them down from $ .

$ for a dog?

He can't be much
of a dog for $ .

Where did he come from?

Queen Elizabeth.

When she was done paying
for prince Charles' wedding,

she was too broke
to keep the dog.

[Barking]

[Ship horn blaring]

[Music playing]

Oh, hey, maybe I should have
left some papers for the dog.

He reads?

Just a little dog joke.

Well tell it to the dog.

Maybe he'll laugh.

[Barking]

[Barking]

Can our dog do that?

Isaac, I bought a dog for $ .

I didn't hold auditions.

[Music playing]

Well, where is he?

I don't know.

[Whistles] Dog!
Where are you?

Dog!

You were right.

He's a beauty!

I'm telling you, man.

This dog is going to win it all.

This dog is a champion.

Well, let's not
get carried away.

For $ , you don't
get a champion.

For $ , you get a mutt.

Shh!

Don't say that!

You'll hurt his feelings.

[Barking]

Well, we've got to figure
out a name for this dog.

Hmm.

Here, boy.

Come on, boy!
Come on, boy!

Come on, boy!

Here boy!
- Gopher.

What?

Let's not call him "boy."

Hey.

Let's call him whitey.

Hey!

Hey.

He is white.

Well, he is a boy.

Gopher, he's white,
but he is a girl.

Yeah, I guess I should
have known by the long hair.

[Music playing]

Excuse me.

Hi.

I'm Pam hodgekins.

Remember, we met when
we first boarded?

How could I forget?

Gary Wells.

Do you mind if I
ask you a question?

Yes, I am free
for dinner tonight.

Actually, it's about my dog.

You mean my dog, don't you?

Look.

About two years ago, I
was moving out of town

and I stopped at a gas
station to ask directions.

I only left the car for a
minute, but when I got back,

sparky was gone.

He must have jumped
out the window.

That's terrible.

Oh, Gary, I looked
everywhere for him.

I even offered a
reward with no luck.

I know how you
must have felt. I

don't know what
I'd do if anything

ever happened in Napoleon.

Well the thing
is, your Napoleon

looks exactly like my sparky.

Pam, I've had Napoleon
since the day he was born.

My folks have a labrador, and
he was the pick of her litter.

I'm sorry to disappoint
you, but you're

barking up the wrong tree.

Ok.

Sorry.

I guess I just
have the wrong dog.

But you may have
the right owner.

And how's my
little honey-woney

enjoying the cruisey-woozy?

Will you please stop
talking to that dog like that?

Stop talking to him like what?

Like baby talk.

"Cruisey-woozy."

He's not a baby.

He's a dog.

Not much of a dog,
but still, a dog.

I wish you would stop talking
about little Charles like that.

Little Charles?

You gave him my name?

Well, this way I figure if
I call Charles, at least one

of you might come.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the bar to
celebrate my anniversary.

And I might get myself
a little drinky-winky,

and I may stay until
I get drunky-wunky.

Hi.

- Hi, hi.
- Remember me?

Uh--

well, hello, Mr. Honeycutt.

How are you?
- Oh--

did you find your
cabin all right?

Yeah, it was--

did you see my dog?

Isn't he cute?

Did you see mine?

He's cuter.

See you.

Bye bye.

Bye.

Mr. Honeycutt,
you're not going to get

much of a tan in that suit.

I have a little bit
of a problem, Julie.

You see, my luggage
never arrived.

Some dumb mail room kid
probably forgot to send it down.

That's terrible.

Well, we've got a great
men's shop on board.

I'm sure you can find
everything you need.

Just charge it to your cabin.

- Charge it?
- Well, sure.

Why not?

You're giving away $ , .

I'm sure your credit's good.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

[Music playing]

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Listen, when we were
tangled up back there,

I didn't get a chance
to introduce myself.

I'm Wendy carr.

Yeah, I'm Jack honeycutt.

Yeah, I know.

I saw those girls
falling all over you.

That was a little
embarrassing.

Not altogether distasteful,
but a little embarrassing.

Good morning, Mr. Honeycutt.

Hey, captain.

Good morning.

I'd like to invite you to
dine at my table tonight.

Thank you, captain.

Is it all right if
I bring a friend?

Absolutely.

See you then.

Ok.

Want to be my friend?

I'd love to.

Great.

Woman (over pa):
Attention please--

owners may now exercise their
dogs on the promenade deck

for the next half hour.

Yeah, that dog's too big.

Way too big.

Oh, this is a beautiful dog!

Thank you.

What's her name?

Tundra.

That's because she
reminds us of Alaska.

And her nose is cold, too.

Oh, dad.

Come look at gopher
and Isaac's dog.

I didn't know
you bought a dog.

Well, it's sort of
an investment, sir.

I wish I had one.

Well, maybe you
dad will buy you one.

Would you, dad?

You should have
mentioned it before.

It's a little too late now.

Oh, sir, come on.

You can get a dog in
puerto vallarta like that.

Easy.

Oh, could we, dad?

We'll see, Vicki.

You know, when I was a
kid, whenever my father said,

"we'll see," that meant no.

[Music playing]

Do you mind?

Sorry.

[Music playing]

[Whining]

[Barking]

What's the problem?

Oh, you can't reach
the lock, huh?

Here, let me help you.

There you go, you
handsome devil, you.

And if you're a
real good dog, I'll

let you borrow my aftershave.

[Knocking]

Come in.

[Barking]

I didn't know we allowed
dogs in the passageway.

Well, sir, you know, we
do allow them some time

to exercise with their owners.

Oh.

Well, when that owner
gets finished exercising,

please see that the dog
is put back in the kennel.

[Whining]

Napoleon, you rascal.

What are you doing?

- Oh, hi.
- Pam.

Hi.

I thought I heard
somebody scratching.

Hi, puppy.

That was me.

Oh, Gary, you really
should try knocking.

It's so much easier
on your nails.

What's up?

What's up?

Oh, well, since you
didn't ask me to dinner,

I thought I'd come
by and ask you.

Does he always take you along
when he asks somebody out?

Sure.

That way if I get
rejected, I can

always say she didn't like him.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, he blames it on me when
he strikes out in the park.

All right.

I don't want either of
you getting a complex.

[Barking]

[Inaudible]

A toast to Mr.
Jack honeycutt, whose

generosity is responsible
for this wonderful event.

[Inaudible]

Thank you.

I really admire
you, Mr. Honeycutt.

You've achieved so much
at such a young age.

How'd you do that?

I guess you could
say I've been lucky.

Don't be so modest.

You couldn't achieve as much
as you have on just luck.

You'd be surprised.

Mr. Honeycutt, I bet you
own a lot of great dogs.

No, I don't own any.

Oh, but what about the
famous honeycutt kennels?

I don't own those dogs.

You see, in my tax
bracket I found

it's cheaper to lease them.

You know, my dad's
going to buy me a dog

when we get to puerto vallarta.

No kidding.

What kind are you
going to get her, sir?

Vicki, I said I
might buy you a dog

and we get to puerto vallarta.

My dad might buy me a dog
when we get to puerto vallarta,

but knowing what a
wonderful dad my dad

is, I'm sure he
will buy me a dog

when we get to puerto vallarta.

Your wonderful dad
will think about it.

Thank you.

I still can't figure out why
you decided to ask me to dinner.

Well, I figured as long as
we have the same taste in dogs,

we might have other
things in common.

Do you like football?

Hate it.

And then again, we may not.

Gary, I just
can't get over it.

Your Napoleon even
barks like my sparky.

What did you expect,
a French accent?

I guess you're right.

I just can't help hoping that
some day I'm going to find him.

That's natural.

No one likes to lose
something they care about.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans,
champagne, compliments

of your nephew, Isaac.

Oh, why, thank you, Julie.

That was very nice of Isaac.

Certainly was.

Well, Isaac's sorry
he couldn't be here,

but, you know, duty calls.

Happy anniversary.

To our trip.

To our trip.

Isn't Isaac one of the
most loving and thoughtful

relatives we have.

He certainly is.

And don't you
think that Isaac--

I think that the
champagne is getting warm,

and if we don't drink it,
it's going to start to boil.

To us.

To us.

You see how nice it is
with just the two of us,

without that silly dog around?

You're absolutely
right, darling.

[Barking]

What was that?

Oh, that champagne's
got some kick.

[Music playing]

Look at all this stuff.

A comb, a brush,
chew stick, shampoo,

flea powder, a bowl, a coat--

you bought the dog a coat?

No.

It's a sweater.

This is a coat.

You bought the dog
a coat and a sweater?

Why didn't you just buy
it a matching purse?

[Inaudible],, vitamins,
Cologne, dog treats--

[whining]

--Collars, ok.

How much did all this come to?

Just a minute.

Exactly $ .

Ok.

Half of $ -- $ ?

You expect me to chip in
$ for all this junk?

No it's $ a piece.

All of this "junk" came to $ .

$ on an $ dog?

Oh, I forgot.

That's another $ you owe me.

$ on a mutt!

[Whining]

Hey, wait a minute!

You agreed with me.

You said she looked
like a champion.

For $ she looks
like a champion.

For $ , she looks like a mutt.

[Music playing]

I'm beginning to feel like
that dog is welded to you.

Charles, our whole life
we wanted to have a baby.

Now we have one.

Yeah, but I wanted
one with two legs.

This is twice as good.

Jack, I like you.

I just don't want you
to get the wrong idea.

The wrong idea about what?

You know, that I'm playing
up to the famous Mr. Honeycutt

so that my dog
will win the prize.

Please.
I would never think that.

Well, you wouldn't and
I wouldn't, but a lot

of the other dog owners might.

Well, I guess we'll just
have to take that chance.

Ok.

I just don't want
you to do anything

to compromise your integrity.

Thank you, but don't worry.

Integrity is my middle name.

Gary, I'm sorry about
pestering you about your dog.

I guess I just wanted
to believe that Napoleon

was really my sparky.

There are things I
like to believe in, too.

Like?

Like fate, for instance.

You mean maybe this
whole dog mix up is fate's

way of bringing us together?

They say dog is
man's best friend.

I'll drink to that.

Well, merrill, are
you going to break

down and get Vicki a dog when
we dock in puerto vallarta?

I don't know, Adam.

She's been begging me for one.

What would you do if
you were in my shoes?

Throw gopher overboard.

It was his idea.

Hey, guess what?

Mrs. Honeycutt just
called, and said

that she's going to meet
the ship in puerto vallarta

and surprise her husband.

Oh, I'm sure he'll get
a big kick out of that.

Yeah.

You're not still mad
about the dog, are you?

No.

Well, our anniversary
is almost over.

There's still time to celebrate.

Happy anniversary, darling.

Where's the dog?

Forget the dog!

How can I forget the dog?

Little Charles?

Here, little Charles!

Stop calling him
little Charles.

I told you not to call
him little Charles!

Little Charles,
where are you, baby?

Little Charles, come to mommy.

Oh, there's my baby!

Oh. Now we'll have
to lie very still,

so we don't crush
the poor little baby.

Here we go.

Mommy almost lost you.

What a happy anniversary.

Say, let's fix up a
blanket in the bathtub.

That's a great idea.

Then I won't have to worry
about squashing the dog.

Yeah.

There's plenty of room
and now way to fall out.

Good night, sweetheart.

Happy dreams.

You're thinking about
the dog, aren't you?

Yes, I can't help it.

Maybe I should have gotten
another dog after he left,

but I felt I
couldn't replace him.

It was like losing a child.

You think I'm silly, don't you?

No, not at all.

He was just so much fun.

I used to just love to pet
and snuggle with sparky.

Well, listen, whenever
you get that urge,

I'd be more than
happy to fill in.

How about now?

But, you know, you
should feel flattered.

I never kissed
sparky on the lips.

Well, to show you
how flattered I am,

I promise never to
chew up your sneakers.

That is one thing I
don't miss about sparky.

I know what you mean.

The day I found him, he turned
my loafers into shredded wheat.

Found him?

Yeah.

Well, I mean found
him in the litter.

Did you-- just save
your litter story,

Gary, and all the rest of the
garbage you've been telling me.

[Music playing]

Gopher, why did you wake me?

Tundra couldn't sleep.

I thought maybe a walk on
deck would tire her out.

At : in the
morning, it only takes

one person to walk the dog.

Hey, co-owners share
everything, insomnia included.

Yeah, but we're not going
to share the prize money.

Let's face it-- this
dog is not a champion.

She doesn't even
have a pedigree.

Well, maybe we could teach her
to do some tricks or something?

Like what?

I don't know.

Scratch her nose.

Maybe we could get
her to roll over.

Yeah.

Maybe we could teach
her how to crawl.

Maybe we could teach
her to crawl backwards.

We can't teach her
all that in one day.

Yeah, you're right.

We're dead.

[Music playing]

Well, I have an appointment
at the beauty salon.

What are you going to do?

I think I'll go back to the
cabin and take a little nap.

Sleeping in the
bathtub is great,

except when you roll over.

Why don't you take
care of little Charles

while I'm in the beauty salon?

You two charleses ought
to get to know each other.

Here's his toy.

Do I have to?

Hi, Pam.

How are you doing?

Look, Pam, I know you've
got a right to be mad at me,

but, please let me explain.

The only explanation
I care about

is when I'm going to
get my sparky back.

And, Gary, until I do,
just stay away from me

wait, Pam, I didn't
steal your dog.

He followed me home.

I tried to contact you from
the number on the collar,

but the phone had
been disconnected.

I thought the dog
been abandoned,

so I took him in
and gave him a home.

Well that's all very touching.

You still lied to me.

Put yourself in my place.

I love Napoleon.

Sparky!

I didn't want to
risk losing him.

You can forgive me
for that, can't you.

All right.

I'll forgive you.

Great

as soon as I get my dog back.

[Barking]

[Music playing]

Here you go.

Oh, great.

This is just what I need.

Listen, I heard about
this great restaurant

we can go to for lunch when
we get to puerto vallarta.

What do you think?

I've got a better idea.

Why don't we find a secluded
beach and pack a picnic lunch?

What a good idea.

[Barking]

On one condition-- let's
leave the dog here.

That can be arranged.

Come on, boy.

[Whining]

Oh, wait.

What is it?

Look at this.

Look at this.

Oh!

Well, this is certainly
one way of getting

on board without a ticket.

Woman (over pa):
Attention please--

we will be arriving in puerto
vallarta in minutes.

Gopher, look.

Tundra is beautiful.

I know that.

But beauty is only fur deep.

All the other dogs
are beautiful, too,

and they can all do something.

Tundra cannot do anything.

We'll win no prizes
with this dog.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Hey, you know
what we ought to do?

What?

We ought to give
tundra to Vicki.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

And finally we'll get
a good night's sleep.

Too bad we're going to have to
lose all that money, though.

Yeah, but just
think about how happy

we're going to make Vicki.

There's a great joy in giving.

[Knocking]

Come in.

Gopher.

Isaac.

Sir.

Gopher, thanks to
you, ever since Vicki

fell in love with
tundra, she's had

her heart set on getting a dog.

No kidding.

Well, sir, as a matter of fact,
Isaac and I have just decided--

that can wait.

And since I'm too busy to
get into puerto vallarta,

I want you to go in
and buy her a dog.

You want to buy her a dog?

No, I'm going to pay for it.

You're going to buy it.

Well, actually, sir--

well, actually,
sir, Isaac and I

feel responsible for the
dilemma that you're in.

And if it's ok with
my partner here,

seeing as how Vicki
loves tundra so much,

why don't we just
sell you the dog?

Would you?

Well, sir, I feel it's the
least we can do after all

the trouble we've caused.

Why thank you.

Thank you both.

So, how much money do
you want for the dog?

Well I'd say at least--

well the dog cost $ , sir.

$ ?

What a deal!

There's $ worth
of accessories, sir,

but you will never have to
buy another thing for the dog

for as long as she lives.

Come on, tundra.

Thank you.

Here, sir, I'll
get the dog for you.

I'll send down a check.

Fine.

No hurry.

Thank you sir.

Good bye, sir.

What happened to the gift idea?

You know, the great
joy of giving.

You can look a gift dog in
the mouth for just so long.

Woman (over pa):
Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to puerto vallarta,
the flower of Mexico,

known for it's
palm-fringed beaches.

Puerto vallarta is a
vacationer's dream.

If you haven't
tried para-sailing,

you're really missing a treat.

It's the next best
thing to having wings.

Have fun.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Yes?

I'm looking for Jack honeycutt.

I'm Mrs. Honeycutt.

Oh, well, how do you
do, Mrs. Honeycutt?

Nice to have you with us.

Why don't you try your
son's cabin, promenade .

My son?

I'm his wife!

Hi.

Ready to go?

What was that for?

Ask your wife.

What?

She just got here.

My wife?

Mrs. Honeycutt.

I'm dead.

[Music playing]

Pardon me.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm looking for Mr. Honeycutt.

Have you seen him around?

Mr. Honeycutt.

I think I saw him
on the promenade.

Thank you.

[Barking]

Oh, bosley, I've
got something for you.

Wait a minute.

Isaac told me to give you this.

Here we go.

Yep.

Here we go.

A little hair of the
man that bit you.

[Barking]

That's all right.

We'll just put it on your tab.

What was that?

A Martini.

Hit me again.

Yes, ma'am.

No salt this time.

Which way did you say he went?

Promenade deck.

Hi, Mr. Evans.

Where's your wife today?

She's in the beauty parlor,
and I'm here with the beast.

Hi.

Hi.

What do you serve a guy who
lost his last $ playing

gin rummy?

A glass of water.

It's probably all
you can afford.

What are you, the
staff fun stick?

Down on your luck, huh?

You could say that.

I just did.

You out to go with the guy
who left and form a comedy team.

Look, I hate to see
a fellow walking around

with no bucks in his pocket.

How would you like
to make a fast $ ?

Oh, that's what the guy said
who asked me to play gin rummy.

What do I have to do for $ ?

Simonize the boat?

No, just take care of my dog.

What is it?

It's a great Dane,
working with the CIA.

Look, what do you say?

All you have to do is keep him
out of the sight of my wife

until the cruise is over.

Where's the key
to wind him up?

Does he bite?

No, no, no.

As long as you
don't say, "attack."

Or he'll go right
for your throat.

Well, ok.

Oh, here, you'd
better take this.

I'd have for him
to get homesick.

It's embarrassing what
a guy will do for $ .

You know, I'm really
beginning to enjoy this cruise.

Oh, good.

Maybe next, we can
have a cat show.

I'm not enjoying it that much.

But I must, admit these
dogs are very well-behaved.

Better than a lot of our
passengers, don't you think?

You know, it amazes
me how many dogs

actually resemble their owners.

Well, not all of them.

Nice and easy.

Shoulders relaxed.

[Barking]

Hey, you want to do this?

Here, Doreen, hold this.

Come on, blue.
Come on.

Come on, blue.

Here we go.

And all right, up, and up.

[Applause]

Pardon me.

I'm looking for my husband.

I'm Mrs. Honeycutt.

You're Mrs. Honeycutt?

I mean, so you're
Mrs. Honeycutt.

Was your husband
surprised to see you?

Well I'll be surprised
if I ever see him.

I've been looking
for him for hours.

Have you tried the kennels?

He may be down there
looking over the dogs.

Thank you.

Mrs. Honeycutt!

That way.

Thank you.

And thank you.

[Music playing]

Hiya, guys.

How are you doing?

Hey, cute.

Love that bow.

Napoleon-- Napoleon?

Damn!

She stole my dog.

Jack?

[Barking]

Jack, are you in here?

[Barking]

Woman (over pa):
Ladies and gentlemen,

we hope you've enjoyed your
stay in puerto vallarta.

There's more fun ahead.

Our next port of
call is acapulco.

Little Charles!

Little Charles,
where are you, baby?

Oh, where are you?

Oh, sweetheart, where--

Tanya, I tell you he's
no where in this room.

How could you have lost him?

Did you look in your pockets?

You see?

No where.

Maybe he went down
the drain of the tub.

Well, he's got to be some where!

Little Charles, where
are you, little Charles?

Come to mommy.

Oh, baby.

Tanya!

Tanya, Tanya.

Tanya, please,
don't get so upset.

Here, here.

I want you to go and buy
yourself a nice pair of shoes.

Oh, my baby is lost.

Oh, little Charles,
come home to mommy

before you break her heart.

[Crying]

Buy yourself a
nice, new dress.

Oh, I'll never see him
again, my life is over!

Buy yourself a fur coat
for your wedding anniversary.

[Sobbing]

Let me speak to the
captain, please.

Cabin stubing?

Charles Evans.

Mrs. Evans' dog
is missing, and I

want to post a reward for the
return of our beloved pet.

$ .

On second thought,
make it $ , .

Thank you, captain.

Oh, Charles!

You must love our little
baby as much as I do.

What kind of daddy
would I be if I didn't?

Don't you worry, sparky.

I'm never going to
let go of you again.

Once this boat gets to acapulco,
you and I are flying home.

[Knocking]

Who is it?

Steward, ma'am.

Did you order a traveling
kennel for your dog?

Yes, I did.

Bring it right in.

I'm sorry, sparky, but they're
not going to let you sit

with me on the plane, honey.

That box isn't big
enough for my dog.

Why don't I take
him in for a fitting?

No!

Come back here!

Come back here!

Dog-napper!

I don't understand, Adam.

A woman just doesn't
disappear into thin air.

Well, I told you, merrill,
the last I saw Mrs. Honeycutt,

she was searching
for her husband,

and I told her he might
be in the kennel are.

Well, let's get to the
bottom of this mystery.

Well, it looks like
the mystery has been

solved, by Sherlock Holmes.

Mrs. Honeycutt?

Are you all right?

Where am I?

You're in the kennel.

Oh, I must have dozed off.

I was looking for my husband.

Yes, I think you should
go to bed, Mrs. Honeycutt.

Maybe your husband's
back in your cabin.

Maybe he is.

Thank you.

You guys keep in touch.

I didn't know that
they lived so well.

[Laughing] They have
their own houses!

I can't even find mine.

You know something?

I really miss tundra.

Oh, yeah.

But you and Isaac
did a nice thing.

You made Vicki happy.

And we got our money back.

And that made you happy.

And besides, we were
crazy to think we could

win a contest with that mutt.

Hi.

Hi, Vicki.

Hi, Vicki.

Oh, listen, goph, I
wanted to thank you again

for selling tundra to my dad.

My pleasure.

Vicki, what are
you going to do

with tundra after the contest?

Well, if I can't
keep her on the ship,

she's going to
stay with my aunt.

Where is she now?

Oh, she's tagging along
behind me somewhere.

Tundra!

What happened to her?

Hey, Vicki, listen,
I swear, she was fine

when we sold her to your dad.

She's fine.

Tundra, come.

Good dog.
Sit.

Good dog.

I knew she was smart.

I taught her that.

Don't tell my dad.

I want to surprise him.

Ok.

Oh, watch this.

Tundra.

Tundra, sit.

Good dog!

Good girl.

Thanks again, gopher.

Tundra, heel.

You did the
right thing, gophy.

Isaac?

Isaac, I have good
news and bad news.

Good news-- Vicki taught
tundra tricks.

Bad news-- Vicki taught
tundra tricks.

[Music playing]

Wendy, I have to talk to you.

Oh, forget it, Jack.

Go talk to your wife.

I don't have a wife.

My name isn't Jack.

What are you
trying to pull now.

Look, my name is
really Harold pack.

I work in the mail room for
Mr. Honeycutt's company.

He went to Las Vegas
with some girl,

so I had to come and tell
the captain that he was going

to join the ship in acapulco.

Somehow everybody
thought I was honeycutt.

Before I knew it,
the ship sailed.

Now Mrs. Honeycutt is
here looking for Mr.

Honeycutt, who is not here.

That's a ridiculous story.

It certainly is.

So ridiculous,
it has to be true.

I'm so glad you believe me.

I haven't even told
you the worst part.

There's more?

When Mr. Honeycutt
gets here tomorrow,

I'm going to lose
my job for sure.

Mrs. Honeycutt is
asleep in my cabin

because she thinks
it's his cabin,

so I don't even have any
place to stay tonight.

Well, I can't help
you with your job,

but I think I know a place
where you can stay tonight.

You think we'll ever
see little Charles again?

I'm sure we will.

Now give daddy
another little kiss.

You're so good to me, Charles.

That's because I love you.

[Knocking]

You stay right here, sweet pea.

I'll be right back.

[Knocking]

Hi there.

I found your dog.

I come to claim the reward.

You've got to be
out of your mind.

What a nice man you are!

Oh, what a good person.

Darling, give him
the $ , reward.

You're a Saint!

$ , $ .

I'm going to get you for this
if it's the last thing I do.

That's no way to
talk to a Saint.

[Music playing]

Woman (over pa):
Bienvenidos, acapulco.

Have a leisurely lunch
on a beautiful beach,

then all you dog lovers
join us this afternoon

for the honeycutt dog show.

- Mr. Honeycutt.
- Sorry.

I don't talk to any dog
owners until after the show.

No, no, no.
I'm not a dog owner.

I'm Harold pack
from the mail room.

Pack?

Right.

What the hell
are you doing here?

How as your trip
to Las Vegas, sir?

Wait a minute.

I didn't go through with that.

When I got to Las Vegas,
I said to myself, Jack,

what are you doing here?

You've got a lovely wife.

So I caught the first
plane to acapulco.

Now, wait a minute.

Don't change the subject.

What are you doing here?

Excuse me.

Mr. Honeycutt, are
there any last minute

details you'd like me to take
care before the dog show?

No, thank you, Julie.

Fine.

Excuse me.

Pack, are you posing as me?

Sir, your wife is here.

I don't care about that.

Are you posing as me?

My wife is here?

She's been here
since yesterday.

Yesterday?

I'm ruined.

She'll divorce me.

I'm gonna be eating dog food
all the rest of my life.

Maybe so, sir, unless--

unless what?

Pack, you get me
out of this mess

and I'll get you out
of the mail room.

How far out, sir?

How far?

Well, far enough that
you'll be comfortable

the rest of your life.

Far out.

Gopher, this isn't right.

$ , , Isaac.

$ , .

Then again, it isn't wrong.

[Knocking]

Come in.

Isaac, gopher.
- Sir.

Sir.

Problem?

Well, sir-- sir, gopher has
something he wants to tell you.

Right.

Sir, we don't want
to upset you, and we

have decided that honesty
is the best policy.

When we sold you tundra, we did
not know that the dog limped.

Oh.

She limps?

Yes, sir.

Well, I'm sure you
wouldn't have sold her to me

had you known that.

Both; No, no sir.

No, not at all.

But we feel that
it's only fair that we

give you your money back.

All of it.

Oh, and, naturally, you'd
like me to give back the dog.

Hey, I hadn't
thought of that, but--

what a good idea.

Well, I appreciate
your consideration,

but I'm afraid I
can't do that to you.

Why?

You see, besides limping,
tundra has many other problems.

Crawling, rolling
over, playing dead.

Yeah sir, we--

biscuit flipping.

Look, sir, we--

I know, gopher.
I know.

You thought Vicki was going
to surprise me at the show.

But she was so excited she
couldn't keep the secret.

So, why don't you two
come over to the show

and look at the new tricks
Vicki taught tundra.

Ok, final offer--

Gopher, Isaac-- nice try, guys.

Oh, what a night!

I haven't had that
much fun since I stayed

up for my high school prom.

I beg your pardon!

What are you doing in my cabin?

Excuse me, madam.

This happens to be our cabin.

I was told this was
my husband's cabin.

You wouldn't happen to know
where Mr. Honeycutt's cabin is,

would you?

Mrs. Honeycutt.

I'm sorry.
I've never had the pleasure.

I'm Harold pack.

I work with your husband.

Geez, they must have
gotten the cabins confused.

This is Wendy here.

I think Mr. Honeycutt
is in aloha .

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

Oh, good.

I'd better get right over there.

I would.

I've been all over this
boat looking for that man.

[Inaudible]

I really appreciate this.

Sorry to inconvenience you.

I just used a little soap.

Oh, no problem.

We did it!

She's on her way to my cabin.

I can only hope she has as
much fun as I had last night.

[Barking]

[Knocking]

Darling, where have you been?

I have looked over this ship
for you for the past hours!

Oh, Jack!

I made a mistake.

I slept in the wrong cabin!

Please, please forgive me.

Where would a marriage
be without forgiveness.

Oh, darling.

Of course I forgive you.

Oh, Jack!

I'm such a lucky woman.

Let's go inside.

Come on in.

Man (over pa):
Attention please--

buses and limousines
are now awaiting

dockside to transport owners and
their dogs to the showgrounds.

Passengers are
invited to come see

which dog will be judged
most beautiful, personable,

obedient, and talented.

That dog will walk
off with $ , .

All right, Napoleon,
this is the big day.

One thing to remember
is don't get nervous.

$ , , / .

He likes it better
under the chin, like this.

Thanks for the tip.

Listen, are you going
to come to the show?

Yes, I thought it was
important that I be there.

I'm glad.

Surprised, but glad.

Despite all that's
happened, you're still

going to come and root for him.

Well, Gary, I'm just
full of surprises.

I talked to my lawyer
today, and we're

filing a suit against you.

Good luck in the show.

Thanks, but if you're
suing me, how come

you're wishing me good luck?

I was talking to sparky.

Come on.

Oh, darling,
aren't you thrilled

that we entered our little
darling in the dog show?

Ecstatic.

Hey, I don't want you to
think I'm a dishonest man.

I forgot to give
you the dog's toy.

You gave it to me when
you gave me the dog.

He didn't get lost.

You gave him to that man.

Only so you and I
could be alone together

without the dog being around.

That's impossible.

Whenever you're here,
there's always a dog around.

A dirty dog!

Charles, we are finished.

[Music playing]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention, please?

Please take your seats.

It's time for the
dog show to begin.

[Fanfare]

Dog owners, would
you please parade

your dogs past the judges.

It's time to begin the
beauty competition.

[Music playing]

[Applause]

That's my wife's dog.

Really?

It's so cute!

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Yeah, sparky!

That's my dog, sparky.

[Applause]

The dogs will now be
judged for obedience.

[Music playing]

[Applause]

And now, ladies and
gentlemen, the last entry

in the talent category.

Vicki stubing with tundra.

[Music playing]

Tundra, sit.

Tundra, sit.

Hi-yo, silver!

Hi-yo, silver.

Good girl.

Sit.

Sit.

Hold it.

Tundra, hold it.

Give a cheer!

[Barking]

[Applause]

Good girl!

Tundra, heel.

Stand.

Tundra.

Hold it.

Steady, girl.

Easy girl.

Easy.

Steady, tundra.

Steady, girl.

Careful.

[Applause]

Tundra, heel.

Tundra, sit.

Bark!

[Barking]

Good dog!

[Inaudible]

[Sneeze]

[Barking]

And now, ladies and
gentlemen, the moment we've

all been waiting for.

Mr. Honeycutt will announce
the winner of the $ , .

Come on, Mr. Honeycutt.

Excuse me.

Everybody's waiting,
Mr. Honeycutt.

Here he is.

Why do they think he's you?

Shh.

I'll tell you later.

When?

New year's Eve.

What?

Ladies and gentlemen,
I am not Mr. Honeycutt.

I was posing as him so that he
could stay out of the limelight

and make as impartial
a decision as possible.

Jack!

My name is Harold pack.

I'm Mr. Honeycutt's
new vice president.

Isn't that right, jh?

Yeah, oh, absolutely.

And now Mr. Honeycutt
himself will announce

the winner of the $ , .

[Applause]

Boy, you know, i'm
torn between Morgan,

that English sheep dog, and
Napoleon, that yellow lab.

I was really hoping
you'd pick the chihuahua.

Please!

But--

I don't want to
appear prejudiced,

but how can you overlook
Vicki's dog, tundra.

Adam, please.

Well, you see--

I like the chihuahua.

The chihuahua is precious.

Tundra is so talented.

No, Adam, really.

Chihuahua.

Right.

The chihuahua.

Chihuahua.

Please, please.

After careful consideration
and deliberation,

I have made a decision.

The winner is Napoleon!

Yay!

That's my dog!

Ho-ho-ho, and Morgan, and
little Charles, and tundra.

Ho-ho-ho.

It's a four-way tie.

They'll all split the
money, and all four dogs'

pictures will be on the can.

[Music playing]

[Whining]

Ah!

What's this?

[Inaudible]

Hey, Tanya, listen.

I know this is kind of
a silly thing to do,

but ever since you
threw me out, I've been

leading a dog's life as a man.

So I decided, well,
maybe I should

lead a man's life as a dog.

Woof, woof, I love you.

I love you, too, Charles.

Wait a minute.

I think it's his night
to sleep in the tub.

Woof, woof.

Hi.

Hi.

Congratulations on
winning the show.

Thanks.

Listen, Pam, I've been thinking.

Since Napoleon used
to be your dog,

I think it's only fair that
you get the prize money.

I want you to have it.

That's very
sweet of you, Gary.

But the money isn't what I want.

I know, but I
really love that dog.

You can understand
that, can't you?

I guess after two years,
you would get attached to him.

I think it runs in the family.

I'm starting to feel very
attached to you, too.

Isn't it a shame
that two people who

like each other so
much have to get

involved in a custody battle.

I have an idea.

Why don't we both keep the dog?

You mean six months
a year at my house

and six months a
year at your house?

No, months a
year at our house.

[Music playing]

Ok, Holmes.

Now don't forget to tell
Watson I said hello.

See you later.

Bye-bye.

Did Charles enjoy his
little cruisey-woozy?

Huh?

Did you like riding on the--

uncle Charles, I
see you and the dog

have become fast friends.

Oh, yeah.

We became friends just
as soon as we figure

out our respective roles.

That's right, Isaac.

Little Charles is still
our favorite little dog,

but Charles is the
top dog in the family.

Woof-woof, baby.

Julie, I want you to know we
both decided to keep the dog.

Which means we're going to
have to keep each other, too.

Well, that's one of the
nicest compromises I ever heard.

Well, if you're
sharing, are you going

to call him Napoleon or sparky?

Napoleon.

I see you won
out on that point.

Not really, doc, because from
now on I'm calling him, sparky.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Oh, Mr. Honeycutt.

I can't tell you how wonderful
I think it is that you

made so many dogs winners.

We'll second that.

Oh, my Jackie's a
very generous man.

That reminds me,
jh, how are you

going to put four dogs onto
each little can of dog food?

I don't know.

But as my new vice president,
that's your first job.

Isn't he wonderful, my Jackie.

He's so generous.

Thank you, captain.

Well, this was a great cruise.

Lots of winners.

And some losers, sir.

Oh, yes, I forgot about that.

Tundra!

What's this?

Open it up.

This is a check for $ , .

Your share of the prize money.

Thank you, sir.

Boy, I bet Isaac was pleased
when you gave him his check.

That's for both of you.

[Barking]

[Theme music]