06x21 - The Captain's Crush/Out of My Hair/Off-Course Romance

[bunniefuu]

[Music - Jack Jones, "love boat
theme"]

(Singing) Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

So look, uh, enjoy yourself.

Joe, I can't believe you are
giving up a romantic cruise

for some silly golf game!

Honey, I told you, it's
not just a silly golf game.

The club is sponsoring
a celebrity tournament.

I could be playing
with Jack nicklaus!

Oh.

Well wouldn't you rather
be playing with me?

Honey, you hate golf.

You're impossible.

Look, I'll make it
up to you, I swear.

But I've got to get
out to the club.

So, uh, have a good time.

Hm?

Oh, yeah.

Bye.

I hope your putter rusts!

[Laughter]

Hi.

Hi.

I'm, uh, Kathy costello.

Gopher: Welcome aboard.

Ok, here we go.

Costello, Mr. and Mrs.
promenade deck .

Mr. Costello's not here yet.

Mr. Costello has
chosen not to come.

Gopher: I'm sorry.

Kathy: Not as sorry as I am.

A romantic cruise
for two just doesn't

make it when you're alone.

Well, you try and have
a good time anyway, ok?

- Thank you.
- You bet.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Kathy?

Ted Cole!

Oh!

Oh!

Kathy!

It's so good to see you.

Oh, and you too.

How long has it been?

years?

Oh, at least.

And you've gotten
prettier with every one.

Thanks.

Are you traveling alone?

Um, as a matter
of fact, yes I am.

That's great!

Let me get squared away, and
then let's meet on the lido

deck in, say, uh, minutes?

It's a date.

I can't wait to catch
up on old memories.

I can't wait to
make some new ones.

Hello.

I'm Lawrence jurgens, and
this is miss Lydia Harris.

Welcome aboard.

Isaac: Ah yes, Mr. Jurgens.

You're on promenade .

And Ms. Harris, you're
right next door in .

Dr. Bricker: I hope you
don't mind my saying this,

but your hair is very beautiful.

Both: Thank you.

[Laughter]

I quite agree.

Lydia's hair was the first
thing that attracted me to her.

Honestly, if you would've been
wearing a hat the first time I

saw you, I'm not
quite sure I would

have given you a second look.

[Laughter]

Good day.

Romantic devil, isn't he?

Why don't you go get settled?

I'm going to check
on some tulips.

All right.

See you later, pudding.

[Laughter]

[Clears throat]

[Laughter]

Lydia!

Lydia, what a nice surprise.

Not for me it isn't.

What are you doing here?

Hey, is that any way to
greet your former lover?

Former is right.

I'm on this trip with Lawrence.

And for you information,
he's the only man in my life

right now.

Ron, if your being here ruins
anything with him, so help me!

Ron: Lydia, relax.

I know you're trying to get
Mr. Megabucks to marry you.

I tell you what.

As long as I'm here,
I will even help you.

Help me.

How?

Have you forgotten
that in addition

to being your former lover I am
also your former hairdresser?

So?

So the sea air can turn your
hair into frizz city, honey.

Now, if you want to
reel this fish in,

you've got to make the bait
as tempting as possible.

Thanks, Ron, but no thanks.

All I want is your
promise to stay as

far away from me as possible.

Ok?

You won't even know I'm here.

Good.

Until it's too late.

[Laughter]

Tell me the name of
your last leading man.

Oh, that was Don corsage.

- Ms. Adams?
- Yes?

Is there a special man
in your life these days?

Oh, several.

The problem is that there's
no one special these nights.

[Laughter]

Then you're traveling alone?

Ms. Adams: You mean you're
not all coming with me?

[Laughter]

Enjoy your cruise.

Ms. McCoy?

Yes sir?

Whatever happened to
the standard procedure

of notifying me when a
vip is sailing with us?

Well I don't understand, sir.

We always do.

Really?

That is Janine Adams, isn't it?

The movie star?

Well, even family
entertainment.

Please, your next movie.

Is it true about
you and Burt Reynolds?

Burt Reynolds?

No, nonsense.

We're just good, good friends.

Now ladies and gentlemen,
you've asked your questions,

you've taken yours
pictures-- please,

please may I enjoy my vacation?

Thank you.

But sir, I'm sure
she's not on my list.

Well, let's go meet her.

Welcome aboard.

I'm captain stubing, and, um--

oh, captain.

Yes, this is our cruise
director, Ms. McCoy.

How do you do?

Ms. Adams, I assume
you're sailing with us,

but I don't have
your name on my list.

Oh, it's Agnes gilhooly.

Agnes gilhooly?

That's right.

That's the name I was born with.

Oh, here is is.

You're on the promenade
deck, cabin .

When I make a
reservation as Agnes,

it helps keep down the fuss.

I don't like to attract
too much attention.

Well, you may have
to devise another plan.

Well, I certainly
hope this cruise

will be a nice rest for you.

Thank you.

I'm sure it will.

Sir.

Interesting lady.

Hm.

Her nine ex-husbands
must have thought

she was pretty interesting too.

Nine?

Yes sir.

And from the way she
was looking at you,

you just might be number .

Nonsense.

And just to show
how silly that is,

send two dozen
roses to her cabin

and invite her to
dine in my cabin.

Yes sir.

[Laughter]

[Horn blowing]

[Music playing]

Thanks, John.

Here now.

There you go.

I know we haven't seen
each other for years,

but you have been faithful
to me, haven't you?

Oh, of course.

Just as faithful as I
know you've been to me.

Ah.

So much for fidelity.

[Laughter]

Actually, um, I'm married.

I-- I've been married
for the past eight years.

Really?

Must be quite a guy.

Oh, he is.

And we're very happy.

Mm.

Of course,
everything's not perfect.

No, no.

I didn't think it could be.

You are traveling alone.

Well, i-- I booked this
cruise as a surprise for Joe.

But I picked a weekend when
he had a golf tournament.

And he'd rather
play golf than go

on a cruise with a
beautiful woman like you?

The man needs a brain scan.

You know Lydia, out
here in the sun your hair

has the most
gorgeous highlights.

Well, I guess I have mother
nature to thank for that.

Oh, she did a marvelous job.

Say, why don't I get some
drinks and we'll toast her, hmm?

Ok.

Be right back, pudding.

[Laughter]

Pudding?

Ron!

While you're
toasting mother nature,

don't forget to thank my
trusty bottle of tint.

I thought I told you
to stay away from me.

I know, I know.

I just-- I wanted
to get a closer

look at your future hubby.

And now that I have, I must
say I am very impressed.

You are?

Ron: Well sure.
Look at him.

I mean, he obviously
takes care of himself.

Why-- why, he must
look , years

younger than he actually is.

[Laughter]

Age doesn't make any
difference when you're in love.

This is true.

But you know, it's
funny, I always

thought that you would fall
for someone a little bit more

witty and gentle and
sexy and charming.

Like you for instance?

For want of a better
example, mm-hmm.

[Laughter]

Ah, but if I
remember correctly,

witty and gentle and
sexy and charming you

didn't want to marry me.

Or am I wrong?

What is this thing
you have about marriage?

We were doing just great living
together, and you know we were.

I do not.

Now will you just
leave me alone!

[Laughter]

Ah!

Oh!

I wonder what's
going on down there.

Ms. McCoy: Looks
like someone's either

very popular or very sick.

Or just sick of being popular.

And maybe somebody will
go down there to rescue her.

Well, I'm wearing
a white hat, I guess

that makes me the good guy.

[Laughter]

Well actually it's--
my favorite movie

is the one called "seven seas."

Did you ever see that one?

It's [inaudible].

Oh, gentlemen!

I haven't caused
this much attention

since I made a u-turn on the
Hollywood freeway at rush hour.

[Laughter]

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

I'm, uh, sorry to
be late, Ms. Adams,

but I can take you on that
tour of the ship you requested.

Oh.

Thank you, captain.

Oh, I'm so glad that
you hadn't forgotten.

Well, goodbye gentlemen.

It's been grand.

Oh, thank you, captain.

I was beginning to feel a
little bit claustrophobic.

My pleasure.

The tour still stands.

Really?

Most definitely.

Oh.

Just you and me and all those
dark, lonely areas below decks?

I promise to behave myself.

I don't.

[Laughter]

I knew when push came to
shove you wouldn't let anyone

but me touch your hair.

I only agreed to let you
do it because the ship's

salon was booked.
- Uh-huh.

Now will you please hurry up?

Lawrence will be
here any minute.

Ah yes, Lawrence.

I envy the life you two
will have together, Lydia.

The security.

The stability.

That same predictable routine
day after day after day.

Come on.

I want to get married, Ron.

I know you do, and
I don't blame you.

I mean, all you'll
be giving up is

a few hundred fiery,
passionate, unforgettable

moments like this.

Lydia, i--

Lydia, what are you doing?

Lawrence!

Oh, Lawrence, this is Ron.

Ron is--

Lydia's brother.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

[Laughter]

Glad to know you, Ron.

I didn't even know
Lydia had a brother.

Well, we-- we haven't
seen each other in months.

Do you know that
neither one of us

even knew the other
one was on the cruise?

Oh, what a coincidence.

You-- you must join
us for dinner then.

Won't you, Ron?

Well thank you, Lawrence.

I'd love to.

I'll just go change, and I'll
see you two in the dining room.

Fine.

See you in a
little while, sis.

[Laughter]

We're a very close family.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

[Chatter]

Sorry I'm late, but,
uh, no self-respecting

escort would ever greet
his prom date without this.

Oh, thank you.

Or this.

Ah!

Flowers and candy.

What will you think of next?

I'm glad you ask.

Michael?

Champagne.

Do you remember the first
time we drank champagne?

I do.

It was in the winter.

And your car broke down.

And we drank it while we
held each other to keep warm.

Not exactly.

Huh?

Well you see, there wasn't
anything wrong with my car.

[Laughter]

Don't hate me for
this, but I knew.

[Laughter]

A toast to high school
lovers in winter, eh?

Oh yes, and to my
favorite game--

golf.

Golf?

Sure.

Well, if it weren't
for golf, you

wouldn't be here with me now.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

You know, from
what you told me, you

and Lydia must have had
a very happy childhood.

Oh, yes.

Yes, we're a very large,
loving family, aren't we?

[Laughter]

I'm looking forward
to meeting them.

Well, I'm sure that you'll
get along with them very

well, because when
they come to visit,

they usually stay for months.

Uh--

no, no, no.

That wouldn't be a
problem, pudding.

I can always put them up
in one of the guest houses.

You are wonderful, you know?

Oh.

Sis, you are so
lucky that Lawrence

is the understanding type,
especially since insanity

runs in the family.

[Laughter]

Insanity?

Oh, yes, but don't
worry, darling.

It only seems to affect the men.

[Laughter]

Is everything all
right, Ms. Adams?

Your amandine sauce?

Everything's
perfection, merrill.

But after all that time that
we spent touring the ship,

don't you think it's about
time you called me Janine?

Yes.

[Laughter]

So merrill gave
you the tour, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Bricker: Isn't that
engine room awesome?

Oh, we didn't see that.

But the cargo area and the
pantries, they're enormous,

aren't they?

We didn't see them either.

[Laughter]

There's not too
more to see below.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Something the matter, Kathy?

Oh, I feel guilty.

Why?

Well, here I am in the
arms of an attractive man,

and I like it.

You're supposed to.

If my husband were here, I
think he'd feel differently.

If your husband
felt differently,

I think he'd be here.

[Laughter]

Excuse me.

May I cut in?

Sis and I haven't
danced together

since mom used to take us to
Mr. Taylor's dance school.

Oh.

I'll-- I'll just watch you
two kids relive old times.

Thanks.

Ron, how could you?

I am only trying
to help, Lydia.

If I ignore you all night, then
Lawrence won't believe we're

brother and sister.

[Laughter]

A brother doesn't dance
with his sister like that.

What do I know?

I was an only child.

[Laughter]

Now you're an only dancer.

I--

[laughter]

You know, I really enjoyed
dining with your crew.

Inquisition and all?

Well, they care about you.

They must think that
you need protection.

From you, Janine?

Haven't you heard?

I am a notorious woman.

[Laughter]

Well I, uh--

I think I'll call it a night.

But it's still early.

I-- I was just going
to ask you to dance.

Oh, well, thank you, but,
uh, perhaps some other time,

captain stubing.

So we're back to
captain stubing.

Night.

Goodnight.

[Music playing]

You know, Kathy, today
has been the nicest day

I've had in a long, long time.

Me too.

There's only one thing
wrong with it, though.

It makes me realize
how stupid I am.

What are you talking about?

Well, what else
would you call a guy

who once broke up with
someone as wonderful as you?

Oh, that's very sweet, Ted.

Thank you.

You're not only
bright, fun to be with,

but you're without a doubt the
sexiest woman I've ever met.

Ted, don't.

I've never stopped
thinking about you, Kathy.

You know, when I was married,
when I'd make love to my wife,

sometimes I'd imagine
I was with you instead.

Maybe it's time
you quit imagining.

Woman (on pa): Your attention
please, ladies and gentlemen.

We're now docking in the quaint
old Mexican port of Ensenada.

Those of you meeting
arriving passengers

may do so in the purser's
lobby in about minutes.

Buenos noches.

It's open.

Lydia.

Lydia, my darling.

How would you like to share
an intimate little midnight

supper with me in your cabin?

Ron, your sense of
timing is the worst.

Uh, you're right.

It's only : .

I'll wait in the hall
for three minutes.

You'll have to wait
a lot longer than that.

I told you the only man
in my life is Lawrence.

Lydia, you know
that's not true.

Did Lawrence ever give you the
kind of excitement, the kind

of romance that I give you?

No.

But he did give me one
thing you'll never give me--

this.

[Laughter]

Lawrence proposed to me
tonight, and I accepted.

You did?

I did.

So I think you
just better leave.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I better.

Did you forget something, Ron?

Not yet, but maybe this
will help me get started.

[Laughter]

Surprise!

[Coughing]

Joe!

What are you doing here?

Well, the tournament
was rained out,

so I thought i'd
just come on down

and spend the rest of
the cruise with you.

What's all this?

I, uh--

oh, I, um--

I was just having
a little champagne.

You, uh, are drinking
with both hands now, hm?

Oh, you know room service.

This is a double room,
and so they send,

uh, two of everything.

Kathy, is there something
you want to tell me?

[Knocking]

Aren't you gonna answer that?

Hi gorgeous.

Forgot my watch.

[Music playing]

Of course, if you're busy,
I can get it another time.

[Laughter]

Room service?

Have you been getting
all your meals in bed?

[Music playing]

Woman (on pa):
Ladies and gentlemen,

as we bid farewell to
Ensenada, we set our course

for glorious acapulco.

Captain stubing: Hello.

Hello.

I'm not intruding.

Oh, no.

Come and stand next
to me, merrill.

This is like a scene
from a movie, isn't it?

Sky.

Moonlight shimmering
on the water.

And the handsomest of captains.

[Laughter]

Janine, you bewilder me.

Do I bewitch and
bother you too?

I find you guilty
on all three counts.

Have you always been
so unpredictable?

Back there in the
lounge, you just--

no, when I said goodnight
to you earlier on,

I did it for a reason.

Are you trying to
protect me from you too?

No.

No, there's, um-- there's
a reporter onboard.

He works for one of
those scandal magazines.

I just didn't want
to get you involved.

Thanks.

Look, if he's bothering
you, I can take care--

oh, no, no, no.

I'm used to it.

Besides, sensational
publicity helps my career.

The public like to
think of me as a woman

whose life has as torrid
off the screen as it is on.

And is it?

Well, it hasn't been dull.

I've had nine husbands.

Mm.

So you have.

Yes, I'm aware of what people
think of me and my lifestyle.

But the fact is that
whenever I married,

I married because I
was in love, or what I

believed was love at the time.

I guess it's hard
to know for sure.

Oh, I was always sure.

You'd be wise to stay
clear of me, merrill.

I know.

You do understand, don't you?

Totally.

[Music playing]

[Music playing]

Joe.

What do you want me to say?

I have said I'm sorry times.

I know, Kathy, but, uh, sorry
just doesn't seem to make it,

honey.

I still don't see how
you could do this.

Joe, it's nothing
that I planned!

I mean, Ted just
came along and--

well, and just
happened, that's all.

Just like that?

Yes.

Things haven't been right
between us for a long time.

There's no romance anymore.

Sometimes I feel like you
hardly know I'm alive.

Oh come on, Kathy.

Well, it's true.

You know, sometimes
you used to call me

in the middle of the
day just to tell me

you were thinking about me.

You never do that anymore.

What about you?

You used to send
me cards at work.

Whatever happened to those
nice long back rubs, huh?

How do you think I feel every
time the weekend rolls around

and you head straight
for the golf course?

And when you're
not playing golf,

you're over at your
brother's watching it on TV.

Look, nobody ever said
you couldn't come along.

I am not interested in golf.

Well, maybe
that's the trouble.

You don't seem to be
interested in anything I like.

Well, I haven't seen
you exactly plunge

into my interests either.

It's a two-way street, you know.

Maybe this is what
happens when two people just

live together for eight years.

Yeah.

And if something doesn't
change, that two-way street

is gonna turn into a dead end.

[Music playing]

Looks like somebody stayed
up pretty late last night.

Somebody did,
but it wasn't me.

Oh?

Want to talk about it?

Not really.

I don't believe it's
ethical to discuss

the captain's private affairs.

You're perfectly right.

Do you know I didn't fall
asleep until : am last night

and he wasn't even
in this cabin yet?

Well you know,
being the captain

of a ship is a -hour job.

He's always on call.

Julie.

I'm just tired, i'm
not unconscious.

[Laughter]

Well, then you should
realize that Ms. Adams is one

of the most glamorous
women in the world,

and your father is only human.

Do you think I'm a child?

Dad's personal life
is his business.

My concern is strictly for
his health and well-being.

Captain stubing: Good morning.

I feel just wonderful today.

I'm glad somebody does

[laughter]

What's all that about?

I wouldn't know, sir, I
didn't stay out late last night.

Now wait a minute.

Janine and I are just friends.
- Sir, i--

- just good friends.
- Sir!

Sir!

Yes, what is it?

Sir.

Congratulations.

What's going on here today?

Sir, look at this.

Just came over the wire service.

Number ?

Of course, it's
just a rumor, sir.

About you marrying
Janine Adams

and becoming husband number ?

Impossible.

Ridiculous.

Interesting.

[Laughter]

Lydia.

Lydia, you can't marry Lawrence.

Why not?

Because I love you.

This much?

I don't have
that kind of money.

Or that kind of commitment.

I would have taken a
cigar band from you.

Ron, I want to
live a normal life.

Lydia, marriage isn't
necessarily normal anymore.

It is to me.

I want to have a
home and children.

I can give you children.

[Laughter]

I'd prefer they have the
same last name as my husband.

Lydia, you won't
go through with this.

Yes I will.

No.

In fact, I'm going
through with it today.

Lawrence and I are getting
married in acapulco.

Good morning, darling.

Morning.

Have you told
Ron the good news?

Yes I have, and
he's just thrilled.

Aren't you, brother?

Oh, right to my toes.

Of course, you'll be best man.

Of course.

[Music playing]

I always have been.

[Laughter]

Hello, Joe.

No.

I think we ought to talk about
what happened last night.

Well, that's civilized.

But I guess that's the
way it's done these days.

You talk about something and
then everything's all right.

So suppose we talk
about why I shouldn't

put my fist through your face?

I know how you
must feel about me.

But I wasn't %
at fault, you know.

Oh, I'm liberated.

I can hold you both
equally responsible.

While you're blaming people,
suppose you consider yourself.

You know, if things were
right between you and Kathy,

this whole thing probably
wouldn't have happened.

Well maybe so, but that's
no invitation for you

to rip our marriage apart.

Now Joe, you were doing
a pretty good job of that

all by yourself.

[Music playing]

The wire services have
us getting married already?

That reporter
didn't waste any time.

Oh, they never do.

Are you terribly upset?

Not really.

Good.

But I think my crew
is in a state of shock.

[Laughter]

You know, last
night was wonderful.

Yes it was, wasn't it?

Will you come to
acapulco with me later?

I'd love to, merrill, but i'm
sure the press will be coming

onboard soon with
blinding flash bulbs

and rude questions at the
ready, so be prepared.

I'll just tell the truth.

We just met.

That we're friends.

Mm.

Good friends.

Mm.

Both: Very good friends.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Woman (on pa): Welcome
to fabulous acapulco,

ladies and gentlemen.

This seaside paradise has
everything your heart desires,

from rummaging through
its charming shops

by day to dining in its
romantic restaurants by night.

Have a wonderful time.

Ron: Lawrence.

Hello.

Ron.

Well, are we are
all ready to go?

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess.

Ron, is there-- is
there something wrong?

No, no.

Well, uh, I wasn't gonna
tell you about this.

Its mother.

Mother?

Ron: I told her about
you and Lawrence,

and she is very
upset that she won't

be able to see her only
daughter getting married.

Poor woman.

She still has her son.

She can watch you
get married sometime.

Yes, if she lives that long.

Uh, look-- uh, you two
go ahead and get married.

Good.

I'm sure I'll find some
way to ease the pain for her.

No.

Lydia, you-- you can't
do this to your mother.

It-- it wouldn't be right
for us to get married now

if it'll hurt her so much.

The wedding will be
postponed until we get home.

Oh, no!

No, you shouldn't.

Right.

But I'm glad you're going to.

And I know mom will be glad too.

Ron, can I talk to you?

Ron: Not right now, sis.

I-- I feel so bad about
ruining your wedding day,

I just need to be
by myself right now.

[Laughter]

I understand.

Thanks.

[Laughter]

Come along, pudding.

[Laughter]

Ok.

Now, is that the
way you want it?

That's it.

Ok.

Thank you, gopher.

Mm-hmm.

That telegram will get
there today, won't it?

Well it should,
unless the pigeon

is flying against the wind.

That bird's got
to get through.

I think that's the first
love letter I ever sent.

Oh, the romantic type, huh?

Working on it.

Working on it.

Oh, excuse me Isaac.

Uh, you haven't seen my wife
around anywhere, have you?

Yes, she just went into town.

Oh.

You didn't happen to notice if,
uh, she was with our friend.

Mr. Cole, did you?

Yes she was.

They just left a
few minutes ago.

If you hurry, you
can still catch them.

No, I, uh--

I think I just did.

[Music playing]

[Music playing]

I wonder how Joe is
gonna react to this.

Well, there's only
one way to find.

Find out what?

Joe, darling.

No, please.

If after what's happened you
can still run off into acapulco

with him, you, uh--

you have to be
looking for a divorce.

Well Kathy, you got it.

Joe, wait a minute.

My lawyer can handle whatever
we have to say to each other.

I, uh-- I hope you
and your friend

will be very happy together.

Do you want me to talk to him?

No thanks, Ted.

This is just between
the two of us.

I hope what I have
in here will help.

Hi dad.

Vicki.

I haven't seen you all day.

I know.

I'm sorry I acted like
a kid this morning.

No.

I just wanted you to know that
if you want to marry ms Adams,

it's ok with me.

You know, you really
are something special.

Do you want to marry her, dad?

She's a fantastic woman.

Exciting.

Beautiful.

Intelligent.

Well?

[Phone ringing]

Captain stubing.

Fine, I'll be right there.

Excuse me, honey, but,
uh, they're waiting for me

at Ms. Adam's press conference.

See you later.

Bye dad.

Kathy i--

fore!

[Laughter]

What in the hell
are you doing?

Well, you said
that I didn't make

an effort to spend time with
you and share your interests.

Not anymore.

Where did you
get all that stuff?

Ted knows a pro
shop in acapulco.

Which, by the way,
is the only reason

we were in port together.

He wanted to help patch
things up between us.

What about you and him?

A mistake.

Ted and I both know that.

We were trying to
recapture some romance we

felt had gone out of our lives.

What makes you so
sure that's a mistake?

It isn't if it's
with the right person.

But the only person I want
to recapture anything with

is you, Joe.

You mean that?

I'd like to try.

So I'm ready to hit
the links with you

every weekend from now on.

Well, it's a nice
thought, Kathy,

but, uh, you're still not
coming to the club with me.

Well, why not?

Well, I wanted to spend
more time with you too,

so this afternoon I
sent a wire to the club

canceling my membership.

Oh Joe!

I do love you!

Oh babe, I love you too.

[Music playing]

You know what our foursome
always does at the club

after a nice round of golf?

No.

We shower together.

Oh.

What a good idea.

I think so.

[Inaudible]

Oh.

Wonderful.

Ooh, baby.

[Laughter]

Lydia?

It's Ron.

Lydia: Come in.

[Laughter]

Lydia.

Lydia, no.

No, please.

Not the-- no!

Lydia!

Truce.

- Truce?
- Truce.

After what you said?

No, stop it!

All those lies!

Speaking of lies,
I love your hair.

I did it myself!

I don't want you near me!

Will you take it easy, honey?

Take it easy!

I fixed everything, ok?

I told Lawrence that
I'm not your brother

and that I tried to stop
the wedding because I am

desperately in love with you.

You did?

I did.

Honest?

Honest.

Lydia.

[Gasps]

Lydia.

What have you done to your hair?
- I did it.

I set it for her.

You did?

You-- you made my Libya
look like a clown?

A clown?

That's being kind.

Lydia, don't you
understand what he's doing?

He wants my friends
to laugh at you.

I don't care what your
friends think of my hair.

That has nothing to do with us.

Darling, in my social
circle it is very important

to maintain certain standards,
and the way you-- the way

you look is one of them.

Well, Lawrence, i--

I have certain standards too.

You love me for
me, any way I am,

or you can just forget
the marriage and leave.

[Music playing]

You're making a big mistake.

[Door opening and closing]

Lydia, i--

Ron, I think you
should leave too

before I do something that won't
give me any regrets at all.

[Door opening and closing]

[Chatter]

Ladies and gentlemen,
one at a time please.

And I promise you that we'll
answer all of your questions.

Have you set the date yet?

Except that one.

[Laughter]

Seriously, don't
you think you're

being a little bit premature?

But it is the real thing
between you and captain stubin.

That's stubing.

Reporter: Whatever
you say, captain.

What's your answer, Ms. Adams?

Well, the captain
is a real person,

and I'm real too, so therefore
any relationship that we would

have would have to be real.

Then he is going
to be number ?

Oh, you have such a romantic
way of putting things.

Would you like to answer
that question, merrill?

Well--

reporter: We'd rather
hear from you, Ms. Adams.

No comment.

Oh, thank you.

Excuse me, Janine.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we'll be sailing shortly

and, uh, my presence is
required on the bridge.

Thank you and, uh, good evening.

Please, Ms. Adams,
one more question.

[Music playing]

Hi.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Hey, I'm a former member
of the family, remember?

What is it now?

I am truly sorry
for what I did.

But I love you so much I would
have done anything to keep

you from marrying Lawrence.

Well, you succeeded.

Oh yeah, I succeeded, and
I ruined everything for you.

Maybe I wanted
everything to be ruined.

What do you mean?

I've been thinking, Ron.

No matter how hard
I try, I just can't

picture not being with you.

I love you.

And I'm willing to go
back to living with you

again if that's what
you really want.

No.

No, I can't do it.

It's too late for that.

But you said you love me.

Oh, I do love you, but I
can't live with you anymore.

I want to marry you.

I thought you didn't
believe in marriage.

All I've ever wanted
is a home and children.

[Music playing]

Ron.

Hm?

I'm not real crazy
about this hairdo.

Would you fix it for me?

Oh, I'll fix it for you.

It's gonna take me all
night to undo it first.

[Laughter]

Ron?

Lydia?

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Woman (on pa): We hope you
enjoyed your visit to acapulco.

We expect clear skies
and smooth sailing all

the way back to Los Angeles.

I'm sorry for deserting
you, but duty called.

No, that's one
of the qualities

that I find the most
attractive about you,

merrill, your sense
of priorities.

You know, those reporters kept
on asking me so many questions,

and there was one that I
just for the life of me

couldn't answer.

Really?

Why?

Well, because
the question was--

are you going to
ask me to marry you?

Oh.

Tough question.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

It's better than a fast no.

This girl has a healthy ego.

So does this boy.

You're unique, Janine.

I can see why those men
wanted to marry you.

But I like what I
do and who I am.

I like being the
captain of this ship.

In your world,
I'd be a deckhand.

And in this stage of my
life, I couldn't handle that.

[Music playing]

Sorry.

Well, if you hadn't said
something like that, i--

I wouldn't feel about
you the way that I do.

But there's another way.

We could still keep
our individual careers.

No.

We'd be apart more
than we'd be together.

Hm.

Not exactly the formula for a
lasting relationship, is it?

So where does that leave us?

Friends?

Good friends.

The best of friends.

[Music playing]

[Laughter]

Well, looks like this
turned out to be a pretty

romantic cruise after all.

Oh, that it did, gopher.

I think all we needed
was for cupid to give

us a couple of booster sh*ts.

Well, just call me cupid.

Of all the names that leap to
mind to describe you, friend,

that was never one of them.

[Laughter]

Good luck, you two.

I wish you all the best.

Thanks, Ted.

Thank you.

But I think I've
got it right here.

She certainly does.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye, gopher.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye, Lydia.

I still love that hairdo.

And I love the hairdresser.

I hope you two
will be very happy.

I know I will.

Come along, cupcake.

[Laughter]

Lawrence has a big
surprise in store.

How come?

She's wearing a wig.

[Laughter]

Goodbye.

Goodbye, merrill.

I'll never forget this cruise.

Nor I.

You may not become my
number , but you're a

on any other scale.

That's quite a lady, sir.

And not easy to forget.

Well, you know what I always
do when I want to forget, sir?

What?

I go to a movie.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]