06x10 - The Man in the Iron Shorts/The Victims/Heavens to Betsy

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

[ Glasses clink ]

Joan heinsley!
Ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh, this is great.

I haven't seen you
since you moved to Chicago.

-Ah, it's been a long time,
merrill.
-Yes.

Well, I'm happy to see you're
still involved with sailing.

-Oh, yes.
-How long has it been
since we were together?

I...you remember
my daughter, Vanessa?

Hi.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Last time I saw you,
you were so high.

Did you
have to bring her?

She makes me feel
like the ancient mariner.

Oh, oh...

Sorry!
-Oh, don't worry about it.

We have an excellent
ship's doctor.

I'm webb Jones.

A-And you'll have
to excuse me.

I think
I just fell in love.

Oh, I wouldn't start
shopping for furniture just yet.

That overly protective lady
with her looks like her mother.

We try to discourage
chaperones,

but occasionally,
they do manage to sneak aboard.

That's no problem.
You see that insignia?

Mom's a fellow sailor.
She's gonna love me, too.

-Hi.
-Hello.

I'm David ruland.
And as you may have guessed,

I am not a member
of the sailing club.

Welcome aboard, reverend.
I'm Julie McCoy.

And this is Vicki stubing.
-How do you do?

-Hi, nice to meet you.
-Let's see.

Uh, you're
on the promenade deck, .

Ah, thank you.

Our mission study society
is really looking forward

to visiting those wonderful
churches in Mazatlan.

Um, excuse me, will you?
-Sure.

Well,
we have a minister on board.

Hi. I -- I'm Beatrice dunvar,
but please, call me Betsy.

Okay.

He's too sinfully handsome
to be a minister, isn't he?

Well, he is pretty cute.

I never would've stuck
with that mission study society

if it weren't for him.

You do guarantee lots
of moonlight, don't you?

Oh, yes. We'll turn it
on double proof for you.

Uh, Betsy, you're
on the aloha deck, cabin .

Great.

And if moonlight
doesn't work with ministers,

I might even start praying.
-[ Chuckles ]

Uh, how do you do?
I'm Laura tensley,

president
of the mission study society.

How do you do?

Ah, let's see.
Miss tensley, you --

yes, I know.
I'm in aloha .

But I really do think
that I should be a lot closer

to reverend ruland
for consultation.

Of course.
I'll see what I can arrange.

Thank you so much.

Looks like Betsy
had better start praying.

Mm.

-Hey.
-Hey!

-I've been lookin' all over
for you.
-Yeah.

How was your vacation?

Oh, super.
I met the greatest girl.

Ah.

Like to meet her.

Uh, you didn't happen
to catch her name, did you?

No, listen.
You're gonna meet her.

Ah!
Oh, here she is.

Gail! Hey, Gail.

I want you to meet
my friend.

Isaac Washington,
this is Gail cowler.

Isaac, how do you do?

I've heard a lot
about you.

All lies.
The papers just played it up.

[ Light laughter ]

Ah, it's too bad all these
people had to tag along with us.

But they won't bother us.
We'll keep 'em busy rowing.

Well, I should go and check in
and, uh, get my oar.

-See you.
-Nice meeting you.

-Nice meeting you.
-Hmm?

-Hmm.
-All right.

-Hey, all right.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Easy, easy.

In here is something that
is gonna win her heart over.

What'd you get her, a starter
set for a sherman t*nk?

Close.

Very close.

[ Ship horn blows ]

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Oh, reverend ruland
is sure hard to make a dent on.

I've tried everything.

I mean, the man
is church day and night.

Weddings, the study club,
Sunday sermons...

Oh, I get punchy.

Do you think it's possible
to o.D. On holiness?

Well, so far
I haven't had that problem.

I live in that church.

I must have
worn out a dozen pews.

Well, it's good
for your soul.

Oh, my soul's
in great shape.

It's my back
that's k*lling me.

Well, there you are.
Hello.

Well, speak of the devil.

Uh, reverend, we were just
talking about how well

you've organized
your group tour.

Well, all the credit
belongs to Beatrice here.

Betsy.

Laura: Hi!

-Hello, Laura.
-Hi.

David...
-Mm-hmm?

...i really think
we should work out the agenda

for tonight's meeting.
-Oh, all right.

Uh, Beatrice,
we'll see you later.

Betsy.

Oh. Got to do something
about that Laura.

I've put in a lot
of prayer time.

Do you think
it's too much to ask

for one teeny-weeny,
little drowning?

[ Both chuckle ]

-Come in!
-Gopher,
Julie said you wanted to...

What do you think?

[ Metal creaks ]

I think you're using
too much starch.

Gail teaches history.

She's really
into the medieval period.

You know, king Arthur
and all that stuff.

-Mm.
-So, what did
this clever young guy

rent to wear
to the costume party?

Yeah, well...

This is for the party, huh?

Mm-hmm.

But isn't the party supposed
to be on a nautical theme

in honor
of the sailing clubs?

So I'll go
as an anchor.

I just need a test run
to see if it fits.

There's a wrench over there.
Do you mind?
-Mm.

Okay.
Uh, you better hurry up, though.

You know,
you only got about minutes

before you're supposed
to be on duty.

And the captain is making out
his semiannual

crew performance reports.
-Oh, don't worry about that.

We got plenty of time.
Okay.

Now, the tops and the bottoms
fasten together in the back.

All right?
-Mm-hmm.

-Okay.
-[ Grunts ]

This thing
must weigh a ton.

It's nothing when my heart
tells me it's love.

Forget your heart. Wait till
you hear from your hernia.

Gail has not been
exactly responsive.

But I think this will appeal
to her romantic side,

like "the man
in the iron mask."

[ Thunk ]

Uh-oh.

What?

The bolt...

-What about it?
-It broke off.

-It what?
-It -- it -- it wouldn't move.

You can't unfasten it?

-Well, it's jammed tight.
-It's what? It's stuck?

-You're stuck.
-I'm stuck?!

I can't be stuck!

The captain's making out
his semiannual

crew performance report,
and I'm stuck?!

The man
in the iron shorts?

Aaaaah!

And will there be
anything else...

-Mm...
-I hope.

No, thanks.

I think you've got
the wrong girl.

No way.

Wrong drink, maybe.

But wrong girl, no way.

That is,
if you're not married.

Are you?
-No.

Oh, phew.

For a minute there, I was afraid
I'd have to do bodily harm

to some guy
I don't even know.

You're a little crazy,
aren't you?

Well, I'm into sailing.
It's the same thing.

And I know you are, too.

And so we'll have
one big, happy family.

Before the children
come along,

don't you think
I should know your name?

Oh, Jones.

Webb Jones.

I'm Vanessa heinsley.

Hi.

-Webb Jones, huh?
-Junior.

Somehow it sounds
familiar.

Well,
we may have a mutual friend.

And there's only one way
to find out --

tell me
all about yourself,

and -- and don't leave out
a single detail.

-[ Snores ]
-[ Laughs ]

By golly, he did it.

Who did what?

Passenger I met,
webb Jones.

He said he was gonna latch
onto that girl,

and he sure did.

Oh, yes, Vanessa heinsley.

She's lovely, isn't she?

Mm.

Did you say his name
was webb Jones?

Yeah.

Anything wrong?

If he's the son
of a man I knew...

Oh, no.

The odds
are way against it,

I sincerely hope.

Hi, Betsy. How's it going
with the holy man?

Terrible.
Did you know

Laura changed her cabin
to be on his deck?

-Yeah.
-I've got to do something

that will really
get his attention

at that meeting
tonight.

Well,
how 'bout that dress?

That would really knock him
out of his socks, wouldn't it?

Oh, that's a good idea.

Oh, no. No.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I'd wear that,

and then Laura would show up
in her usual sackcloth,

making me look
like a fallen woman

without even having the fun
of falling.

Come on, come on.

[ Metal creaking ]
-I can hardly move.

[ Metal clangs ]
Aah!

Uh-oh. I'll help you.
I'll help you. I'll help you.

[ Breathing heavily ]

Just get me to that chair
behind the desk

before
the captain sees me.

-Okay, okay. Come on.
-Okay.

-Be careful now.
-Oh, man.

I don't think I'm gonna make it.
-Sure you can.

Sure you can.
You can make it.

I know you can.
You've gotta do...

The captain! The captain!
-Huh?!

[ Metal clangs, creaks ]

What was that noise?

On my vacation,
I had taps put on my shoes.

These things piled up
while you were gone.

Looks like you also
put on some weight.

Right.

I always look heavier right
after I've had a haircut.

Looks like you had two haircuts,
at least.

Oh...

Thanks for getting me
this uniform, man.

Whose was it?

Fatso Ferguson.

Gopher,
you can't keep this up.

You have gotta get out
of this tin can.

I know.

I'm gonna get an electric drill
outta the shop tonight

after everyone's gone.

In the meantime,
let's just keep it quiet. Okay?

Hey, gopher.

Hey, Isaac.
-Hi.

I haven't seen very much
of you.

You look different,
sort of...Bigger.

Yeah, I'm testing this new
padded uniform for flotation.

Listen, I tell you what.
I'm gonna be off-duty later on.

You wanna meet out on deck
after dinner?

Sure.
It's a date.

I'll see you later.
Buh-bye.

Bye.

-Bye-bye.
[ Metal creaks ]

Bye-bye.

Do I remember
Freddy king?

Why, he skippered the gemini
in the trans-pacific.

There's my mom.
I want you to meet her.

Well, we were sailing
one day.

And one day, Freddy said to me,
"I'll bet you I can sail to"...

'Scuse me, mom?

-Yes, dear?
-Have you got a minute?

Well, of course, darling.

Oh, you'll excuse me,
please.

What?
-I met the most wonderful guy.

He sails
with the Seattle club.

And we've had
the greatest time.

Oh, a sailor, honey?

Well, he can't be too bad.

And the wildest thing --
we were talking

and found out he used to live
in our old neighborhood.

-Well...
-Webb, my mother.

Mom, this is
webb Jones.

It's a pleasure
to meet you, Mrs. Heinsley.

Webb Jones, Jr.?

You lived on th street?

That's right.

Did you know my dad?
-Yes.

Yes, I did.

Vanessa, let's go.
-Go where?

What's going on?
-Please, just come with me.

Well, not until you tell me
what's going on.

Vanessa!

All right.
I'll tell you.

Mr. Wonderful here

[voice breaking]
Just happens to be the son

of the drunk who was responsible
for your father's death.

Come on.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Betsy?

Uh, Beatrice.

Beatrice.
Beatrice, that dress...

Oh, I know
what I'm doing.

-Hello.
-Hello.

Well, good evening,
reverend.

Um, I've been trying
to finish

these histories
of the Spanish missions,

but they're
not entirely clear.

Perhaps you could tutor me
after dinner?

Why, I would be glad to.

Hello, everybody.

Why, good evening,
reverend.

Oh, what a beautiful dress.

Oh, thank you.

Did you know
that there was a party tonight

in the pirate's cove?

Well, I had heard
about that, yes.

Oh, but -- oh,
but you'll be tutoring me.

Oh, you don't need
to tutor Betsy.

You're one of the brightest
in the group.

Mm.

You certainly are.

Uh, do try and finish those

so you can spend some time
at the party.

David, I have the most
wonderful idea for the tour

to the Spanish mission.

Hi, Betsy.
How's it goin'?

I'm trying to think
of something I can say

without
being excommunicated.

Vicki,
eat your vegetables.

These aren't
my vegetables.

I've never seen them before
in my life.

Vanessa, dear.
You eat your vegetables too.

[ Chuckles ]
There you go.

That's more like it.

Good evening.

Julie,
have you seen gopher?

No, I haven't.

Well, I'm sure he can afford
to miss a few meals

with all that weight
he's put on.

[ Whirring ]

All right.
Now, just remember --

the point
is to drill the bolts out,

not make new holes
for me to breathe through.

You got that?
-Right. No gopher holes.

You know, I'm not sure
this is gonna work here.

It takes a lot
of current.

Will you please just
spare me the lecture

on energy conservation?

I gotta get out of this thing,
Isaac.

I gotta meet Gail
in minutes!

Okay, okay, okay.
Turn around.

Trust me.

[ Whirring ]

[ Electricity crackles ]
-We blew a fuse!

Where are you?
-I'm right here.

Whatever you do...

[ Clatter ]

...don't move.

Vicki, I told you
to eat your vegetables.

[ Murmuring ]
-I would eat my vegetables if
I could find 'em. [ Chuckles ]

Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention, please?

We're, uh, having
a minor electrical problem,

which will be corrected
in a moment.

In the meantime, our waiters

will be lighting candles
for your table,

so that you may continue
dining in a more romantic mood.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

-Ah.
-Well, here we are.

As they say -- "it's better
to light a candle

than curse the darkness."
-[ Laughs ]

Can't we do both?

Either I've just eaten
a very bad piece of cheesecake

or a rather delicious
napkin.

Ladies and gentlemen, uh,
as you can see,

our problem has been corrected.

Please excuse us
for any inconvenience.

[ Metal creaks ]

Will you cut that out?

Oops.
I didn't realize.

Gopher!

I've been looking all over
for you.

Oh...

Where were you
when the lights went out?

Uh, down in the cellar,
eating Sauerkraut.

-Very good. You know that.
-Yeah.

Hey, there's that dance
at the pirate's cove tonight.

Uh, how about it?

Couldn't we just sit out here
for a little bit?

Sure, fine by me.

Is this okay?

Super.

[ Metal creaking ]
[ Clears throat ]

Look!
A flying fish!

-I don't see it.
-Must've been
a fast flying fish.

Yeah.

Great night, isn't it?

Vanessa, it's getting
a little chilly, darling.

I brought you this.

Mom, why didn't you
tell me before?

Ah. Oh, honey, I didn't think
there was any reason to.

You knew your father died
in a car accident, and...

I didn't want to concern you
with the grim details.

Frankly, I didn't want to speak
that man's name again.

But are you sure
webb's father was responsible?

Honey,
of course I'm sure.

Oh, sweetheart,
we were best friends.

Your father and I,
webb and his wife,

why, we went
everywhere together.

We even lived
on the same block.

Webb remembers that.

He said we used
to play together.

And so you did,
sweetheart.

Then, one night, we four went
to a party at the sailing club

together in webb's car.

He drank much too much.

Your father tried to take
the car keys away from him,

but webb was adamant.

He said he was perfectly able
to drive.

Of course, on the way home,
he lost control.

And I woke up
in the hospital.

I'd lost a husband,
and you didn't have a father.

Still, you can't blame webb
for something his father did.

I'm not blaming him.

I just can't handle
seeing him with you

'cause all I see is...

That empty house
and all the empty years.

Mom, I love you so much.

You've been a great mother...
And father to me.

But now...
-Vanessa, no buts.

No buts, Vanessa.

Now, I've told you
how I feel.

I can't stop you
from seeing him.

But if you do,
you won't be seeing much of me.

So you see,
I really enjoy teaching school,

but it's not half as nice
as being here.

Yeah.

Mm.

[ Metal creaking ]

'Scuse me, but the captain
wants to see you on the bridge.

Now?

I can't go now.
-No, gopher. It's okay.

-Huh?
-I might as well get to bed.

It was great.
Thank you. Good night.

Good night.
-Good night.

Night.

[ Metal creaks ]
-Ow.

Oh.

Wait, wait, wait.

[ Groans ]

No. No.

I got an idea.
I got an idea.

Will you -- [ Groans ]

Okay.

Ahh!

[ Metal creaking ]

You're a good friend.
You know that?
-Hey, it's nothin'.

-A lot of people
wouldn't do this for me.
-Hey.

[ Dance music playing ]

Someone is gonna have to
show me how to do this.

Julie: You're pretty good.

Looks good to me.
-Oh, excuse me.

Uh, Betsy,
I was hoping you'd show up.

-You called me Betsy.
-Yeah.

Well, maybe you could, uh, tutor
me on the latest dance steps.

Uh, I haven't kept up.

Been much too busy lately.

Oh, you sure have.

Oh, but you know what they
say -- "no rest for the wicked."

[ Thud ]

-[ Groans ]
[ Murmuring ]

I tripped!

That doesn't seem
to be broken.

Will I be able to go
on the tour tomorrow?

I can't say for sure,
but I wouldn't count on it.

[ Murmuring ]

Don't look at me.
I was standin' way over there.

Way to go.

So it wasn't a drowning,
but then, nobody's perfect.

Have you found out what caused
the power failure yet?

Well, keep me posted.

Whenever the electrical
equipment goes out,

the only thing you can rely
on to steer the ship

is that magnetic compass.

Keep it as it is,
steady due south.

[ Thumping ]

[ Metal creaks ]

You wanted to see me,
sir?

Yes, gopher. Come in.
I'll be with you in a minute.

[ Beeping ]

[ Woman screams ]

Terribly sorry, sir.

Say when.

Welcome to Mazatlan, the fun
capital of the Mexican riviera.

Special buses
for the mission tour society

will be ready
at the aft gangway.

Well,
Laura can't go ashore.

It looks like you're
finally going to be alone

with your reverend.

But I'm still worried.

She's taking this
much too calmly.

That's not like her.

-All set, Betsy?
-Uh, just one minute.

Okay.

Listen, will you keep an eye
on her today?

She's up to something,
and I've gotta know what it is.

-Sure.
-Thanks.

All right.
Let's go.

Have fun!

Laura: Buh-bye.

[ Grunts ]

[ Metal creaks ]

-Gopher?
-Uh, just a minute, sir.

I'll be right with you.
Just a minute.

Working
on your exercises?

Hmm?

Working
on your exercises?

Oh, my, uh -- my exercises.
Yes, sir.

I sure am.
I'm on top of it.

Uh, fighting weight
is something we all have to do.

I'd like to lose a few pounds
myself.

-Mm-hmm.
-Oh, excuse me?

Can you tell me
which way is gopher's cabin?

It's right here.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Captain stubing,
Gail cowler.

She's the girl I told you
I was with on vacation.

Oh, it's nice to meet you,
Gail.

-Nice to meet you.
-You must be a great cook.

Julie said
that you were down here,

but if you're busy I could...
-He is.

He'll be exercising
for an hour.

Why don't you keep him
company?

Make sure he does it.

Okay. I can read my book.
[ Chuckles softly ]

Nice to meet you.

You too.

She'll be your inspiration,
so you can work off that flab.

[ Clang! ]

It may be flab...
But it's strong flab.

Yeah, I've been getting
a lot of iron lately.

[ Sighs ]

Vanessa.

Please,
I have to talk to you.

You don't understand.
There isn't anything to say.

No, I do understand.

The captain filled me in
on what happened.

We're kind of caught up
in a crazy situation, aren't we?

Yes, we sure are.

At first, all I wanted to do
was blast your mother

for sayin' those things
about my dad.

And then?

I got to thinking.

There's no way
she could feel any differently.

So I want you to know
that I do understand.

She's your mom.

And i'm...

Well, I'm just one
of the Jones boys

you happened to meet
one sunny afternoon.

Well, that's about it.

I'll stay clear.

It won't be easy.
But I couldn't do anything

that would cause you
any unhappiness.

It was a sunny afternoon,
wasn't it?

One of the sunniest
I've ever known.

That wasn't very fair of me,
was it?

No.

I had it
all worked out how --

how I was gonna do
without you.

And now I --
I don't know if I can.

Vanessa.

Hi. Welcome back.

Hello, reverend.
-Hi.

Betsy, how'd it go?

-Well...
-Oh, come on.

It can't have been that good.
Or was it?

It was kind of...
Confusing.

Confusing?

Oh, Julie,
what a great day we had.

It was
absolutely superb.

Uh, would you excuse us
for a moment?

Sure, excuse me.

I was hoping to have a chance
like today

to spend lots of time
with you.

The devil, you say...

[ Chuckles softly ]

Betsy, it meant a lot to me
this past year

to see you at all
the church functions.

I don't think
you missed a single one.

It became very important
for me to know you were there.

And after today,
I'm more certain than ever

that I want you there,
always near me,

for a long time.

For a long, long time?
Yeah.

What I'm trying to say
is...

Uh, reverend ruland?
-Yes?

Miss tensley would like
to see you right away.

She says
it's very important.

All right.

It's okay.

I'll see you
right after dinner,

and we will continue
right where we were.

Okay.

[ Sighs ]

We hope you enjoyed
your visit to Mazatlan.

And don't forget --
tonight we plan a high time

on the high seas, with our gala
nautical costume party.

It promises to be a big splash.

What a wonderful
evening.

Is something wrong?

I'm afraid there is.

Could you come in
for a minute?

Sure.

Look, what I have to tell
you isn't easy,

so don't interrupt me,
please.

Okay.

We've got to break this thing
up between us.

Well, say something!

But you said that...

Oh, I know.
I forgot.

Up -- up on deck, you did.
You did.

You said the things to me
that I've been hoping

and praying you would
ever since I met you.

But now I see that --
that it just won't work.

It will, Betsy.
I promise.

Marry me, and I'll make you...
-No, don't --

don't say that.

Oh, you have no idea
how confusing it is

to be in love
with a sexy minister.

You love me.
That makes it perfect.

Perfect is the problem.
You are, but I'm not.

Oh, I've tried
to make myself right for you.

I even saw "going my way"
eight times.

-Marry me, Betsy.
-Oh, but look.

Deep down,
I know that I could never

be a good match for you.
-Marry me!

You never swear or tell
dirty jokes or double-park.

You probably never even
take items

to the supermarket
express aisle.

Hey, I'm not that perfect.
Believe me.

Oh, but today,

when we were walking
through all those churches,

I realized
that I would never fit in

as a good minister's wife --

standing around
in all those afternoon teas,

bein' real quiet and wearin'
all those quiet clothes.

You see, the big thing is,
I like to laugh.

And you just
can't do that in churches.

-Betsy, I li--
-oh, Laura --

Laura would love to marry you.
I'm sure of it.

She's a much better bet for you
than I am.

You deserve a class act,
not the class kook.

You sure
that's how you feel?

Would I lie
to a man of the cloth?

[ Thunder cracks, rumbles ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Applause ]

Ship ahoy, mates!

I hope you're all enjoying
our seafaring soirée.

But now it's time
for the big costume parade,

where we're gonna judge
the best costume.

So, lord Nelson, king Neptune,

would you please lead
our parade?

[ Upbeat music playing,
rhythmic clapping ]

I think it's warm in here.
Let's take a walk.

-Now?
-Yeah.

Well, we're gonna miss
the parade!

Oh, who cares? Costume parties
are dumb, anyway.

All these grown-up people
dressed like this.

You're right.
It is getting crowded in here.

I feel like i'm
in a sardine can.

-'Scuse me.
-I know the feeling.

[ Thunder cracks, rumbles ]

You're dressed perfectly.
It's stormy out tonight.

Mm.

I don't mind.

I love being out
in the elements.

All the thunder
and lightning...

Lightning?
Uh, listen,

I gotta go back to the party,
you know?

I'm on the staff.
I can't stay.

I've gotta go...
-Gopher!

Uh, being on this cruise

has made me realize something
about you.

I know.

When I first came aboard,
I -- I thought that you

were gonna be another guy
who just wanted a quick makeout.

And I really can't handle
situations like that.

But you've been
a perfect gentleman.

You haven't made
a pass, not one.

You like that?

You deserve a blue ribbon.
You do.

You're a very special
person.

Gail, I can't take credit
for that.

Why not?

I'm gonna level with you.

I am not a knight
in shining armor

because I am a knight
in shining armor.

I rented this
to impress you.

I have been stuck in it
since we left Los Angeles.

I did wanna make passes
at you.

Every single moment
I was with you,

I wanted to make a pass
at you.

It wasn't my sterling character
that stopped me.

Here, it was pounds
of case-hardened steel.

You've been wearing this?

So it's the tin suit
that deserves the blue ribbon,

not me.

'Scuse me.

Have a nice evening.

[ Thundercrack ]
Aaaah!

Hey, sailor.

I was
just coming to get you.

The storm's cleared up nicely,
hasn't it?

David, look, I meant it.

We really should not see
each other.

I just wanted to show you,
as part of your studies,

that you've handed in
two wrong answers.

First, Laura.
Um, I believe that's her.

You know, Laura,

I'm gonna have to stay with you
every minute

until that ankle heals.

Thank goodness.

I'm a slow healer.

Now, uh,
where do I get the crazy idea

that her heart is not set
on marrying the minister?

And, more importantly,

you're wrong
about something else too --

that having fun
is somehow sacrilegious.

-I only meant...
-Ah!

Didn't the little children
all flock around Jesus?

Now, do you think
they would hang around a grouch?

Well, I've -- I've never
thought of it that way.

Betsy, you'd be great
for me.

You'd keep me
from ever becoming a gloomy Gus.

Nobody could be
a better minister's wife

than a lovable lady who,

on occasion,
happens to be a lovable kook.

You almost maketh me
changeth my mind.

David, I do wanna be with you,
forever and ever, amen.

But I am still worried.

I can never be as good a person
as you are.

I'll tell you what.

You marry me, Betsy,

and I promise you
I'll try to be worse.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in!

Well, well.

Oh, merrill.

I always thought
our relation was platonic.

Platonic, maybe,
but not dietetic.

-Oh.
-[ Chuckles ]

-You don't...
-I thought a nice, light supper

might give us a chance
to have a little talk.

Uh-oh.

When you say "talk,"
I hear "lecture."

I saw you with the boy
this afternoon.

Oh, is that any reason to let
a delicious lobster go to waste?

Lobster?
Oh, I love lobster.

Did you know that,

after the accident, webb's
father became an alcoholic?

Merrill, what are you trying
to do, make him the victim?

I'm curious, Joan.

Tell me, how many victims
will it take to satisfy you?

-Victims?
-Of the accident.

So far, there are two --
your husband and webb's father.

You wanna make it three?
That's easy.

Make the boy suffer.
That'll get Vanessa.

She'll make it four.
Will four be enough for you?

-I don't have to listen to this.
-Well, make it five.

You're the biggest victim
of all, wasting all those years

hiding behind
that cherished wall of rage.

Oh, that's good, merrill.
That's very, very good.

You go right ahead.

You play
the forgiving philosopher.

It's an easy shot
for you.

It wasn't your life
that was shattered.

I loved my husband.

And webb Jones k*lled him.

Now I should sing
and dance to see

his son
and Bob's daughter?

No. I don't need that kind
of sentimental claptrap.

Well,
what do you want me to say?

"Poor, poor Joan.
Look how much she's suffered."

That's the real
sentimental claptrap!
-Oh!

[ Sighs ]

Oh...

My old friend.

I wanna give you one thing
to think about.

Oh, let's just eat.

All right.

One thing. Just one.

Well, go ahead.

Okay.

Try this -- that boy
is not a threat to you,

but an opportunity.

Don't you see?

You're both
in the same boat.

You lost a husband.
He lost a father.

But why be antagonistic
when you need each other

to fill those voids?

Oh, but webb Jones, Jr.

And our daughter,
Bob's daughter...

Merrill,
is it really that important?

Whether their romance works
is not the crucial thing.

What does matter is that
you'd be making a statement --

that Joan heinsley, the lovely
lady we all care about,

is finally free of those
bitter, useless shackles.

Come on.
Let's eat.

It's a lot harder to lecture
with something in your mouth.

[ Both chuckle lightly ]

Gail: Not very comfortable
in that thing, are you?

Not very, no.

I know 'cause I'm not very
comfortable in mine, either.

In yours?

Yeah.

You made me realize that i'm
wearing a suit of armor, too.

And I have been
for a long time,

afraid to let myself go be
warm and caring

and...
I guess just vulnerable.

Mine's even thicker
than that, though.

I --

I didn't want any of cupid's
little arrows to get through.

Maybe this will help.

[ Chuckles ]

I have a better idea.

I can't help you get
out of your shell,

but I was hoping that maybe you
could help me get out of mine.

[ Both chuckle ]
[ Metal creaking ]

[ Laughter ]

[ Clatter ]

Oh, hi.
Welcome to Camelot.

Hi, Isaac.

-Hi.
-[ Chuckles ]

-Oh...
-Ow.

Gail. Gail, wait a minute.
-What?

It moved.

It moved. I think...
-Hold on!

I think -- yes! That cuff plate
must've been jarred loose.

Well, let's go
for all of it, then.

Look at this! I'm free!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

[ Laughs ]

[ Moans ]

Julie: Bye!
Thanks for sailing with us.

Now, if you're
ever up our way,

you make sure
and drop by and see us.

Oh, but we may be back here
first, in the honeymoon suite.

Terrific.

Now, how are we ever
gonna afford that?

-The lord will provide.
-Cut it out, Betsy.

You're doing my lines.

Laura,
are you feeling better?

Oh, much better,
thank you.

I only wish that I would've
got hurt a lot sooner,

so that doc and I could've spent
a lot more time together.

Don't worry.
Next time you come,

I'll have gopher
booby-trap your cabin.

[ Squeals ]

I'm sure you and young webb
are gonna hit it off.

He's a fellow sailor.
You've got a lot in common.

-That should help.
-Mom?

Webb's arranged a boat trip
to Catalina for all of us.

I met a guy aboard
who owns a -footer.

-A -footer?
-That's some sailboat.

Oh, it's not a sailboat.
It's a trawler.

A stinkpot?

Oh, webb, I was hoping
you and I could get along,

but you're
not making it easy.

[ Laughter ]

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

My mother always told me

that I'd meet
my knight in shining armor.

But I never believed it.

Okay, now,
wait a minute, Gail.

I only wore that thing

because I knew you were crazy
about the medieval period,

and I wanted to impress you.
-I know.

I know.
And I really do appreciate it.

I just think that we
should be very thankful

that I'm not
into the early cenozoic period.

What'd they wear then?

[ Chuckles ]
Nothing.

Right.