06x06 - The Groupies/The Audition/Doc's Nephew

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

Theme music: Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it
floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another run.

The love boat, promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on new romance.

And love, won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love, welcome
aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

Captain stubing: Welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Hi Mac.

My, what a beautiful ship.

Thank you.

I'm captain stubing.

Assistant purser Smith.

Dr. Yates.

Gopher: Ah, medical man, heh?

Yates: No, I'm a psychologist.

I specialize in group therapy.

Oh, with my crew, I
sometimes feel like i'm

in the same kind of work.

I can understand why
you need a vacation.

Oh, I like what I do.

But it's nice to get away from
your patients once in a while.

Surprise.

My word, that's my
pm on Thursday group

come to see me off.

Group, this is captain stubing,
assistant purser Smith.

Hello.

Hello.

This is Bertha Finch.

How do you do, Ms. Finch?

How do you do?

Your shirt needs starched.

And this is Darlene Potter.

Well, I'm delighted
to meet you.

Oh, I'd prefer you didn't.

Darlene, come on,
it's only your hand.

That's the way
it always starts.

This is Floyd loomis.

Hi-ya captain.

You got kind of a
crummy ship here.

Yeah, it is sort of rundown.

Oh, I love it.

I think it's just beautiful.

On second thought,
it is kind of nice.

Yeah, and this
is Norman quigley.

Well, it's nice of you all
to come and see me off.

Oh, we're not
here to see you off.

We're going on
the cruise with you.

You what?

Yeah.

Come on, let's
go find our cabins.

They're probably crummy too.

Oh, sure.

Well, they seem to be
rather attached to you.

I guess a good therapist
is hard to find.

I hope not.

After this cruise,
I may need one.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Doc, a little heavy on
the Cologne this morning,

aren't you?

Yeah, I got carried away.

I wanted everything to
be perfect for Linda.

Linda, isn't that
the lady you've

been raving about for weeks.

I would have raved
about her for months,

but unfortunately I haven't
known her that long.

Linda--

Adam--

Linda, oh, this
is Isaac Washington,

the wizard of our ship's bar.

And Isaac, Linda gammon.

How do you do?

I've arranged to put you
in cabin , fiesta deck.

I'll meet you as
soon as we sail.

Great, I'll go freshen up.

Yeah.

Well, doc, now I see
why you were raving.

Hi, I'm Paula Hastings.

Well, hello, welcome aboard.

I'm Julie McCoy,
your cruise director.

Let's see, you're
on the promenade

deck, cabin , miss Hastings.

Oh, please, Paula.

Paula Hastings, the
Broadway director?

"I'll never say no again,"
and "the waiting game," gee,

I'm a big fan of yours.

Hi, welcome aboard,
I'm Vicki stubing.

I'm Barry weldon.

I was beginning to feel
a little strange being

single on this Noah's arc.

Looks like everyone
else is paired up.

Oh, that's just
an optical illusion,

you won't be alone for long.

On second thought, alone is
sounding better by the minute.

Just what I need, Barry weldon.

Someone you know?

Well, you could say that.

I have a auditioned this poor
guy for three different shows

and turned him
down for every one.

Oh, boy.

Oh boy, is right.

What I don't need
on this trip is

a sulky actor giving me the evil
eye every time I turn around.

Well, there are lots
of others available.

Well, let's hope so.

Because if Barry weldon is
the only single man around,

it's going to be a
very lonely cruise.

Oh, here you are,
aloha , Mr. Weldon.

Enjoy your cruise.

Well, I'm sure I will,
especially if everybody

here is as nice as you.

Unfortunately, of
course, everybody isn't.

Excuse me, do you know
the way to the fiesta deck.

No, but I'm sure
going to find out.

I can work it out.

I have the soul of an explorer.

What a combination.

An explorer's souls
and an angel's face.

[Music playing]

Uncle Adam.

Danny.

The prodigal
nephew has arrived.

It's great to see, Danny.

But I thought that ticket I
sent you was for next month,

for your birthday.

Well I had some time
between semesters,

so I exchanged the
ticket for this cruise.

That's strange.

I talked to your dad
on the phone yesterday.

He didn't say a thing about it.

Oh I asked him not to.

I thought it'd be nice
if I could surprise you.

It was nice, but I just hope
I have the time to entertain

you the way I'd like to.

I'm going to be pretty
busy this cruise.

Oh, that's all right, unc--

I just met someone I hope
will keep me busy too.

Oh, chip off the
old block, huh?

[Ship horn]

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

Ahem.

We would like to apologize
for surprising you, Dr. Yates.

And we want you to know that
while you're on this cruise,

we are not going to
bother you at all.

Well, that's a very
mature attitude, Darlene.

I think your therapy is
having a good effect.

Oh, it is.

It is.

[Inaudible]

There, my goodness,
this bar looks like it

hasn't been wiped in ages.

Excuse me, but I just cleaned
that bar five minutes ago.

See, I was right.

Floyd: You know something,
doc, my cabin is so small,

you could use a
monocle for a porthole.

Yeah, mine too.

Darlene: We all have
the same size cabins,

and mine has plenty of room.

Mine took small, but spacious.

Excuse me, Mr.
quigley, there's

a telephone call
for you, and you

can use that phone right there.

Well, thank you.

Sure.

Hello, this is Norman quigley.

Hello, mother.

Yeah, I got on the - .

Again, with the mother.

Yes, I'll, I'll wear
my sweater if it gets

chilly, and your socks, ma'am.

What am I going to do about
the men on this cruise, doctor?

Oh, I know, they're going
to be attracted by my body,

and then they'll use me and
leave me like all the others.

You haven't even met anybody
and already you're dumped.

Look, we're all on vacation.

Now why don't we just relax?

Enjoy the sun, go for a swim.

That's a great idea.

Where do you keep
the pool cleaner?

[Laughter]

This is great,
a floating hotel.

I'm so glad you talked me
into taking this cruise.

Well, I'm delighted
you could make it.

Linda, now that we're
alone, may I tell you

how long I've been waiting--

hi, unc, is this
one of your duties?

Linda, this handsome
youth is my nephew, Danny,

the family pride, and
shoo-in as valedictorian

of his graduating class.

Now, I still have
two years to go.

I'm not worried, you've
always accomplished

everything you set out to do.

Doc, I really hate to bother
you when it's not office hours,

but it's Mrs. Hudson again.

Oh, poor Mrs. Hudson.

This is her fourth cruise, her
fourth bon voyage party, and

her fourth monumental hangover.

Take care of Linda, Danny,
make sure she's not bored.

My pleasure, unc.

Come on.

Excuse us.

What a great uncle
I have to introduce me

to the most beautiful
girl in the ship,

the one I haven't been
able to get off my mind.

I see Adam's charm
runs in the family.

Have you know my uncle long?

No, we met at
a party recently.

That's when he talked me
into trying the cruise.

And you did, a woman of
adventure, dauntless, not

afraid to cross new horizons.

Let's explore, Linda, let's
live each moment to the fullest.

Yes.

How about a game
of shuffleboard.

Ok.

Barry: Now, have you ever had
a drink that looks like it

was made by a mad florist?

You probably don't remember me.

Oh, you're far too modest.

How cold I forget
an actor I turned

down for three different shows?

Four.

Not to mention your
Australian accent.

Well, none of that
matters anymore.

I'm an ex-actor now.

Oh?

How did that happen?

Well, it was after
the last edition.

I was ready to go home,
change into my sincere suit

and then throw myself off
the empire state building,

leaving behind a heart
rending note, blaming you,

of course, for the tragedy.

And after that little speech,
you expect me to drink that?

Barry: See it's harmless.

Actually, I came over
here to thank you.

Thank me?

For what?

Barry: Getting me
out of the business.

I'm a stockbroker now.

And if I do so say so
myself, pretty good at it.

Barry, just to clear the
air, there wasn't anything

personal in those turndowns.

I know that.

Paula: It's just that a lot
of money rides on my judgment.

And when you read
for those parts,

you just didn't convince me.

Hey, it's all in the past.

But I'd like to convince
you of something

now, like letting me
your dinner companion.

Ok, you got the part.

Oh, that was a terrific game.

I admire a good player.

Thank you, most men are
so threatened if they lose.

Oh, there's no reason to be.

I mean, if you're
good, you're good.

You know, the girls I meet
in school preach liberation,

but when they meet a real man
they fall all over themselves

to please him.

You know, I used
to be that way.

I even married young
and supported my husband

until he finished law school.

His first action was to
file our divorce papers.

That's pretty rough.

So I decided to put
myself through law school.

I graduate next year,
and then I'm on my way.

Oh, bravo.

Now, see, there's another
thing that we have in common.

With enthusiasm like yours, i'm
betting on you to be the chief

justice of the supreme court.

Well, the court rules
that we play another game.

Popular decision,
and what kind of game

did you have in mind?

Shuffleboard.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Sorry, I'm late.

But so worth waiting for.

You look absolutely spectacular.

Well, thank you.

You know, if you
were still an actor,

I'd get the feeling I
was being buttered up.

Then take it you a
stockbroker, you're blue chip.

There's Dr. Yates.

I think you're group is trying
to get your attention, doctor.

[Laughter]

They're waving again.

Doctor, now they're
waving their napkins.

[Laughter]

You better get over
there before they

go for the table cloth.

Excuse me.

You didn't have to
come over, doctor.

I know I didn't have to.

I wanted to.

Oh, by the way, are the
glasses clean at your table?

Floyd: You know
something, you didn't

have to pay for this cruise.

You could have signed
on as a dishwasher.

Look, I know it's
perfectly natural for you

to stick together.

After all, you've been
in group for a long time.

But I think it's time you spread
your wings, learn to express

yourselves individually.

I like your hair.

Oh, thank you.

I do too.

Oh, thank you.

I liked it better
with curlers.

I did too.

Have a nice evening.

Dr. Yates is right.

We should do
something on our own.

Well, I am.

I'm going to call my mother.

I'm sorry, I've
been tied up all day.

Thanks, Danny, for
looking after Linda.

Right, unc.

Oh, Adam, Danny's terrific.

And so are you.

There you go, Linda.

Thank you.

[Laughter]

With your permission, i'd
like to propose a toast.

By all means.

To Dr. Adam bricker,
who has made my weekend.

Not only did he introduce
me to this wonderful cruise,

but he also introduced me to
his wonderful nephew, Danny.

[Laughter]

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

[Music playing]

Do you believe in magic?

Of course.

Magic is when a backer runs
in with a million dollar check

to produce a play you
have to trying to get

on the boards for a year.

Magic is when your play a smash
in spite of lousy reviews.

Magic is when--

Barry: Magic is when
a fairy Princess

makes time stand still.

Oh, Barry, haven't
you learned yet?

The clock always
strikes midnight.

And the coach always
turns back into a pumpkin.

This is my dream,
and I said the clock

never reaches midnight.

You really believe it
can happen, don't you?

Damn right.

I'll make it happen.

Good evening.

Would you care to dance?

And after that, a
stroll in the moonlight?

And then to your cabin?

Well, if you insist.

I don't believe the lady
wants to dance with you.

I think I'd like to hear
that from the lady myself.

Get lost.

Thank you.

Norman, thank you for
coming to my protection.

The music is lovely, isn't it?

Are you kidding?

I've heard better sounds than
that coming out of a cat fight.

Yeah, me too.

I like it.

It's very romantic.

Yeah, I was going
to say that next, kind

of a romantic cat fight.

Do you like to dance?

Sure.

I just don't know anybody on
the ship well enough to ask.

Well there are people
at this table you know.

That's true.

Would you like to dance?

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, and if I step on
your shoes, don't worry,

I'll Polish them later.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Well.

Yeah?

I think they're moving
a little too fast.

Oh, come on, doc.

Now all I see is a
charming, lovely lady, who's

being very kind to your nephew.

I bet she's just dying
to have you rescue her.

Oh maybe you're right.

May I?

Oh, by all means.

Thank you.

Danny's such a smooth dancer.

Of course, I was
the one who gave him

pointers on his first
junior high sock hop.

[Music playing]

Oh, I'm sorry, I zigged
when I should have zagged.

That's all right.

Yeah, excuse me.

Ah, come on, doc.

I know how you feel.

I'm sure it's not
what it looks like.

What does it look like?

It looks like lovers
run in your family.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Dr. Yates.

Oh, hi, Norman.

Having a good time?

Well, sort of.

You want to talk about it?

Well, there's this girl.

And I like her.

I mean, I really like her, but I
don't know how to approach her.

Well, lots of men
have that problem.

What do you usually do when you
find a woman that attracts you?

Call my mother.

We have to change that.

You need to become
more assertive.

Right, more assertive.

How?

Well, speak up, take
command of the situation.

If this woman's
important to you,

find ways to let her
know how you feel.

I'll do it.

Thank you, doctor,
you've been very helpful.

If any of the other group
needs to talk to you,

I'll tell them you're here.

Oh, fine, Norman.

[Laughter]

[Knock on door]

Come on in, hon.

Well, thanks, darling,
I just couldn't stay away.

Hi, unc.

Hey, Danny.

Danny, do you mind
telling me what's

going on with you and Linda?

Ah, just the usual
boy-girl stuff.

Ah, there's the problem.

It's boy-woman stuff.

Danny, you're too young for her.

Uncle Adam, I didn't
ask you for your advice,

and I really don't think
this subject concerns you.

Oh, it concerns me all right.

Danny, I don't know if
you realize it or not,

but I invited Linda on
this cruise as my date.

No, I didn't realize that.

Gee, I'm sorry if I
cut in on your girl.

Hey, it's all right.

You're very
understanding, uncle Adam.

Well, you've always
been one of my favorite--

Danny: And I hate
doing this to you.

Doing this?

Doing what?

Well, Linda and I. We
have a good thing going.

Danny, she's
years older than you.

She's years
younger than you.

And none of us has
anything to do with age.

You're just trying to
get me out of the way.

Oh, you're being ridiculous.

Danny: No, I'm not.

You still see me as a kid.

Well, Linda sees me as a man.

The point is I saw her first.

Oh, now who sounds like a kid?

Now, look, Danny, I
came in here hoping you

and I could have
a man to man talk.

Well, there's
nothing to talk about.

From now on, it's
every man for himself.

[Music playing]

[Laughter]

Oh, doctor, I know I
said I wouldn't bother you,

but please, do
you have a moment?

Yes, Darlene, I have a moment.

Is something bothering you?

Yes, I finally met a man who
isn't interested in my body.

Well, isn't that
what you always wanted?

Yes.

But not being
interested in my body

is one thing, ignoring
it is another.

He won't even dance with me.

Well, maybe he was shy.

Do you really care for this man?

Oh, yes, very much.

Yates: Well, then it's up
to you to let him know.

Darlene: How?

Do what women have been
doing since time began.

Society's only catching
up to it today.

But men have always
approached me first.

I wouldn't know what to do.

Show him, let them
know that you care.

Do little things, Darlene.

He'll get the message.

I will.

I'll start showing him
first thing in the morning.

Good.

Oh, doctor, I knew
I could count on you--

oh, gosh.

I wonder if it's too
late to call my mother?

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Barry, why me?

I mean, there are lots of other
available ladies on this ship.

Yes, but how many of
them believe in magic?

Look, I know you said
that it's all in the past

and it doesn't
bother you anymore,

but I gave you a
very rough time.

Florence nightingale
you weren't.

Ok, when you said that i'd
never make it as an actor

and that I should go out
and get an honest job,

you damn near destroyed me.

The iron lady strikes again.

Oh, didn't you know,
that's what they call me.

I didn't think you knew.

Listen, Barry, it's
just that in my career,

I have to call
them as I see them.

I mean if you don't
have talent, you

don't belong in the theatre.

Look, I understand.

Do you?

Do you really?

You're the one that said it.

They're are lots of other
available ladies on this boat,

but I'm here with you.

Yes, you are.

And I'm here because beneath
that iron lady exterior there's

a soft, warm female,
who's not nearly

as tough as she thinks she is.

Right now, I don't think I
care why you're here with me,

I'm just glad you are.

So am I.

I know it's late, but I
don't want to go to bed.

I do.

[Music playing]

Good morning, doctor.

Oh, good morning, captain, sit
down and have a cup of coffee.

Thank you.

Well, have you had
a chance to relax?

Not much.

Next time I'm going
to book a bigger ship.

Bigger?

I need more places to hide.

Your therapy group, I presume.

Have you seen any progress
since they've been aboard.

Actually, yes, a
couple of our people

have developed a
romantic interest.

I think the cruise has
been very good for them.

How about you?

I plan to jump overboard
right after breakfast.

[Laughter]

Oh, Norman, can I
butter your toast for you?

Don't get any crumbs on
the table, I just cleaned it.

What about Dr. Yates, maybe
you should butter his toast.

He can butter his own.

So can I.

Some people just don't
seem to get the message.

Doc: Good morning, Linda.

Linda: Good morning,
Adam, how are you?

Just fine.

I'd be better if it
weren't for Danny.

Danny?

Is he all right?

Sure, he just has
this wild delusion

that you two are an item.

What's so wild about it?

He's a very charming
and attractive man.

Man, he's barely out
of his adolescence.

Well, he might
lack your maturity,

but he's like you
in every other way.

Linda, how can you
compare a boy of

to a man of my experience?

Adam, now you know that
I find you very attractive.

Yes?

But there's something
so exciting about Danny.

Really?

What's that?

Oh, his youth, his
vitality, his exuberance.

Whenever I'm with him, he makes
me feel like a schoolgirl.

Would it help if I offered
you a game of hopscotch?

He also has your
sense of humor.

He also has my girl.

[Music playing]

I never look that
happy in the morning.

What's your secret?

I can tell you in two
words, Barry weldon.

The guy you've
been trying to avoid?

Yes, well, not any more.

Oh, Julie, I'm in love.

No.

Yeah, he's wonderful.

Oh, well, looks
like Mr. Wonderful

is about to make an
entrance, excuse me.

See you later.

Mm hmm.

Good morning, do you mind if
I give you a good morning kiss?

That's not necessary.

Well, I know it's not
necessary, I just want to.

Barry, is something wrong?

I mean I don't want to be
pushy, but last night was

the greatest night of my life.

And you made me think--

made you think what?

That it was very
special for you too.

Oh, it was,
Paula, very special.

Probably the best
acting job of my life.

You were acting?

Hey, you believed me.

That's quite a compliment
coming from the iron lady.

I guess it was a
pretty good audition.

Audition.

Number five.

And you mean all these
about leaving the business

and becoming a financial
advisor, it was all a lie?

Well, you see,
every good actor needs

a background for his character.

Yes, of course.

Was I convincing?

I mean, come on, you've
always been free and easy

with your comments in the past.

Was I convincing?

Yes, you were very convincing.

Norman: I know you're
in there, doctor.

[Laughter]

I want to talk to you,
doctor, and I'm going

to take the bull by the tail.

You mean by the horns.

Well, I've never
done it before.

[Laughter]

Are you in love with Darlene?

Darlene?

Me?

I saw you two kissing
on the deck last night

and it looked pretty passionate.

Passionate?

Is Darlene the woman
you're interested in?

She gave me a kiss because I
was helping her with a problem.

It was a friendly
kiss, harmless.

Yeah, well, it
gave me a headache.

Well, if you're that
interested in her,

why don't you go after her?

I don't know.

We had an argument.

And I don't know whether
she's interested or not?

Well, make her interested.

Be aggressive.

Aggressive?

I didn't even get a
chance to be assertive.

Why don't tell
her how you feel?

I think you might be
surprised at her reaction.

I will.

I don't know much
about being aggressive.

Maybe I ought to talk
it over with my mother.

On second thought,
maybe I won't.

[Laughter]

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

Doc, is that you?

Yeah.

How do I look?

Words fail me.

Youthful, vital, exuberant?

Interesting.

That's the word, interesting.

Yeah, there are lots
of other words too, doc.

Yeah, I don't
want to hear them.

Here, now you can
look interesting.

Hi.

Hi.

What you doing?

Holding Danny's
drink so he won't get

thirsty doing his sit-ups.

Wouldn't it be easier
if you just stopped

and finished your drink?

Well I can't, don't
want to make my case.

That's the trouble with youth.

Everything in life is a sprint.

You don't realize it's
endurance that really counts.

Here, let me show you.

First let me catch up.

How many has he done so far?

I'm not sure, I
lost count about .

[Laughter]

[Music playing]

Isaac: Hi, doc.

Isaac.

Well Darlene, did that man
you like and you have a fight?

How did you know?

Oh, just a wild guess.

Well, I did what you told me.

I tried to get him
interested in me.

I even tried doing
little things for him.

But he rejected me.

Well, maybe there was
just a misunderstanding.

Maybe.

Right now, I wouldn't
even mind if he

was interested in my body.

Well, that's a healthy sign.

Why don't you go talk to Norman?

How did you know
it was Norman?

I'm a psychologist.

We have ways of
knowing those things.

Oh, don't give up, Darlene.

Give it another try.

Maybe he doesn't want to.

Well, give him a chance.

If he doesn't make the
first move, you make it.

Be aggressive.

Aggressive?

That's advice I give
to my special patients.

I'll do my best, doctor.

Oh, thank you.

I'll settle for a handshake.

[Music playing]

This is the script for
a new play I'm directing.

There's a part in it
you'd be wonderful for.

If you want it, rehearsals
start in six weeks.

If you don't, just mail the
script back to the office.

What a trip.

Boy, this cruise goes high on
my list of good times, next

to the last voyage
of the Titanic.

Why don't you
stop complaining?

Why don't you stop cleaning?

Boy, being with you is like
being with a walking mop.

What's wrong with cleanliness.

Nothing, but, boy you
could make the Dutch people

feel like litterbugs.

Yeah, well, you
make Howard cosell

sound like the Brady bunch.

Want to make a deal till
the end of the cruise?

Yeah.

I'll stop complaining,
if you stop cleaning.

You're on.

Oh, boy, is this
going to be a dull trip.

And a dirty one.

[Music playing]

Hi, Adam, catching up with
a little preventive medicine?

Oh, yeah, but this
kind could prevent

me from living out the day.

What in the world have
you done to yourself?

Oh, about sit-ups.

Aha, keeping up
with Danny, hmm?

Well, Linda was watching.

Adam, don't you think
competing with a -year-old

is a little foolish?

No.

I think it's a lot foolish.

You know, if you have to
jump through hoops for Linda,

maybe she's not the
right one for you.

Of course, you're right.

And you know what
the worst part is,

she's driven a gigantic
wedge between Danny and me.

It's not too late to
patch things up, is it?

Not if I drop out of
the Linda sweepstakes.

That way Danny and I
can be friends again

and he can go back to college
with pleasant memories

of a shipboard romance.

Excellent idea.

Well, I better
iron out my hairs.

Hello, captain.

Hi, unc.

Danny.

Danny, I've been thinking,
it's silly for us

to fight over a
woman, so I'm dropping

out of the competition.

From now on, Linda's all yours.

You mean it?

Sure.

I don't have a chance against
a tiger like you anyway.

Thanks, unc.

You're really making
this a lot easier to say.

I'm dropping out
of school and i'm

moving to la to be with Linda.

Thanks again.

Oh.

If that was an
excellent idea, i'd

hat to hear are a lousy one.

[Music playing]

May I sit down?

I think not.

Have you read it?

Three times.

And--

you must know it's
a great play, I mean,

a really great one.

Yes, I do know.

The role of Gordon, is that
what you had in mind for me?

Yes.

It's an actor's dream,
a once in a lifetime role.

It could make your
a star overnight.

I know.

All right, I'll
have the producer

get in touch with your
agent when I get back.

Don't bother, thanks anyway.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means I'm not
taking the job.

You're turning it down?

Well, I thought that
you liked the part.

Like it, I loved it.

I'd give my right arm for it.

Well, then why?

Barry: It's not important.

Good night, Paula.

[Music playing]

Thank you for inviting
me to take a walk, Norman.

Thank you for accepting.

I had a lovely evening.

So did I

that hurt.

Yes,

yes, but it was nice.

What are you thinking about?

My mother, for the
first time I can't

wait to tell her something.

You're right, it can wait.

[Music playing]

Danny, where
are you taking me?

The one spot on
this ship that's

perfect for what I want to do.

If you want to kiss me,
I can think of a hundred

perfect spots to do it in.

Thank you, I'll remember that.

But right now, there's
something I want you to have.

What are you doing?

I'm showing the woman I
love how I feel about her.

Oh, Danny--

what's the matter.

I can't accept
a gift like that.

Well, you should
save that for someone

you're planning a future with.

But I am planning
a future with you.

I'm quitting school
and I'm moving

to la so we can be together.

Danny, I don't know
how to tell you this,

but if you move to la, we're
not going to be together.

At this point in my life,
I'm not interested in getting

serious with anyone.

But hasn't this cruise
meant anything to you?

Well, of course it has.

I've had a great time with you,
Danny, and I really like you.

But I'm afraid that when this
cruise is over, so are we.

Oh, Danny, I didn't
mean to hurt you.

Hey, don't worry about it.

When you're young, you
bounce back easily.

[Music playing]

May I come in?

Sure.

I have been going over
and over it in my head,

and I cannot figure
out how you could

possibly turn down that part.

Look, I said before,
it was unimportant.

So let's just
forget about it, ok?

Barry, I want an answer.

I think you owe me that.

Yeah, yeah, I guess I do.

Somebody once said that revenge
is supposed to be sweet.

I mean, when you set
out to hurt somebody

that you hate, you ought to feel
pretty good about it, huh, hmm?

Yeah.

Well how come it is that
I don't feel that way.

How come it is that
I feel worse now

than I've ever felt in my life.

I sat down and thought
about it, and it

was actually quite simple.

I don't hate you at all.

I love you.

It's the reason I
can't take your job.

I couldn't work with you without
telling you that I loved you.

And if I did, well,
you'd just simply

think I was saying that
because you gave me the part.

And if I thought that
you thought that that

was the reason, well--

you talk too much
and you think too much.

Is there any chance
now you could just shut

up and show me how you feel?

[Music playing]

Ok, Danny, enough of
this buddy-buddy stuff.

I'm your uncle and I
want you to listen to me.

If you quit school
to be with Linda,

it'll be the biggest
mistake of your life.

I'm telling you, I will not
stand by and watch you throw

your education out the window.

Well, I don't think you have
to worry about that anymore.

But I do worry,
because I love you.

Yeah, I know you do.

But Linda doesn't.

She said that?

Oh, not in those
exact words, but I

don't need all four
years of college

to know that that's
what she meant.

I'm sorry, Danny.

Are you really?

Of course I am.

I want you to finish school, but
I don't want to see you hurt.

Uncle Adam, why
can't she feel about me

the same way I feel about her?

I mean, what's wrong
with me anyway?

Nothing is wrong with you.

You're a fine, intelligent young
man, and I'm very proud of you.

I made such a
fool out of myself.

Well, that's something
else that runs in our family.

I made a fool of
myself over five women.

And when it really
counted, I married them.

You know, unc, I
may be competitive,

but I think that's one area
where I won't try to beat you.

[Music playing]

[Theme music, "the love boat"]

- Captain.
- Goodbye, doctor.

- Gopher.
- Bye, Dr. Yates.

It must have been
quite an experience,

doctor, being on a cruise
with your patients aboard.

Worked so well, i'm
thinking of taking

all my groups on a cruise,
after I take one by myself.

Dr. Yates, I want to
thank you for everything,

but Norman and I won't
be seeing you anymore.

Oh, why is that?

From now on, we're spending
our Thursday nights alone.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Captain.

Well, did you
enjoy your cruise?

Yeah, I haven't had this much
fun since I was in traction.

Oh, your tie is crooked.

There you are, doctor.

Goodbye, captain.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, gopher.

Come on.

Yeah, bye.

You can't win them all.

Bye.

Thanks for sailing with us.

Julie, Vicki,
thanks for everything.

The cruise was a smash hit.

We're looking
forward to both of you

coming back for an encore.

Well, you see, we won't be
able to do that for a while.

Paula's auditioning me for my
most challenging role ever.

Oh, really what's that?

A husband.

Well, congratulations.

Boy that turned out
swell, didn't it?

Isaac: It was nice
meeting you, Danny.

I hope you will join
us for another cruise.

I sure will, Isaac.

After you've finished
college, right?

Right

you know, unc, I learned
something on this cruise.

Blood is thicker than perfume.

I learned something
too, sit-ups can

be hazardous to your health.

I'll buy that.

See you later.

Bye-bye.

Adam, Danny, I'm sorry if I
caused any trouble between you

too.

But I want you to know, I think
you're both terrific buys.

I finally figured out what
I like best about you, Linda.

You have great taste in men.

Danny, if I ever do get
involved with anyone again,

I hope he's just like you.

Oh, well, I don't.

Well, I like to think
I'm one of a kind.

Oh, you are.

Bye.

You know, unc,
for a heart-breaker,

she's a nice lady.

I'll make you a
deal, next time we

go after the same
woman, let's make

sure she's got a twin sister.

You got it.

[Music playing]

[Theme music, "the love boat"]