05x23 - Pride of the Pacific/The Viking's Son/Separate Vacations/The Experiment/Getting to Know You: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Gopher: We are now sailing
through the inland passage

called
"Alaska's marine highway" --

one of the most scenic
waterways of the world,

with mountains and forests
on both sides.

And all this is clearly visible
here throughout a summer's Eve,

because this is
"the land of the midnight sun."

Skip?

I think I'm getting
cold feet.

Dave, I'm sure you'll do
just fine.

You're a nice guy, and you've
got a lot going for you.

This'll just give you
a little boost of confidence.

Open wide.

Now get out there
and get her.

Hi.

How's it going?
Nice cruise, huh?

I'm sorry, folks.

Look, there must be something
wrong with the formula.

It's not the formula --
it's him.

It needs some help.

It can't start
from zero-minus.

Skip...

I'm gonna go run
another lab check.

I'll prove the formula's
right. Excuse me.

I-I'm sure he didn't mean it
the way it sounded.

He's probably right.
I'm a zero-minus.

Dave, please don't.

I hope he succeeds.

For guys like me,

popping a pill may be
our only hope.

We have to come back to Alaska
and go camping some time.

I l-o-ove camping.

And you know what?

There can be all kind
of wild animals all around.

They don't frighten me
a bit.

But you know
what scares me?

Go ahead, guess.

I-I don't know,
Ellen.

Do you want to play
some more cards?

Unh-unh.

You're sure?

Yes.

All right,
I'll tell you...

Butterflies.

What could possibly
scare you about a butterfly?!

I don't know.

It's the way they
flit around here and there...

Eww.

Oh, they make me
so jumpy.

Oh...ah...oh...

Well, I told you
it was kind of crazy.

Well...
You know what they say --

"cleanliness is next to,
uh...

Sexiness."

[ Giggles ]

We'll play cards.

Well, hi, Dorothy.

Oh, hello.

Not tonight, doctor.
You're dining at my table.

Oh, merrill,
have a heart.

We're discussing strategy
for the ketchikan race.

I need you to help me
find Julie and trig.

Excuse us, Mrs. Meechum.

It's all right, Adam.

I'll be home later and alone
if you care to drop by.

I'll be there.

No pun intended,
merrill,

but aren't you going overboard
with this thing?

No!
We've got to do better.

Two ladies just stopped me

and said if I run my ship
the way I run my team

they'll wear
their life jackets to bed.

Sounds kinda kinky.

Captain nordquist:
All passengers are invited

to our daily show
in the tivoli lounge

to celebrate the victory
of the sun Princess athletes.

Heh heh heh heh.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm. Mm.

Mm?

Don't you think we should be
getting to the show?

Oh, if it's entertainment
you want...

Mm.

Oh! Uh, would you like
the last peanut, brita?

[ Laughs ] Peanut brita.
[Brittle]

Oh.

You're still thinking about
your wife, aren't you?

I'm sorry. I-I keep seeing
Dorothy with that doctor.

You forget them.

You come with me.

Hmm?

Ja.

Please, sit down.

Brita will give you
a good massage.

Oh...no, thank you.

Uh, i-I'm still sore
from the last one.

Say, how long have you been
giving massages?

You are my first customer.

I really am
a gym instructor.

You're a professional?

Ja.

I-I-Is that why
the captain hired you?

Oh, no, he doesn't know.

I heard about the carnival...

Uh...

...and thought it would be good
publicity to win.

Oh, uh...

And I got jobs
for other athletes aboard

so that we would have
a really nice team.

Oh, I...

Lie down, Harry.

No...

Relax.

But I --

take it off.

No...

Take it off.

Oh, my goodness!

My goodness,
would you look at the time?

D-Don't you athletes
have a curfew?

[ Sighs ]

All right, Harry.

I get the message.

Enjoy your last peanut
alone.

[ Sighs ]

Good night.

[ Ringing ]

Yeah, would you get me
the radio office, please?

[ Soft oboe music plays ]

Oh, Adam...

This is perfect.

I feel so relaxed.

A glass of wine...

Soft lights...

And I hate this music!

[ Sousa's "stars and stripes
forever" plays ]

There...that's better.

John Philip sousa?

[ Telephone rings ]

Excuse me.

Hello?

Harry! It's Harry.

Oh...
Yes, as a matter of fact,

you are interrupting
something.

What is it?

I knew it.
I just knew it!

Oh, yes.

I accept your apology.

Good night.

[ Receiver clicks ]

What's up?

He finally apologized.

After all these years,
he actually apologized.

He said
my suspicions were correct.

About what?

About brita.

S-She's a pro.

She hired
a-a bunch of athletes

to -- to be on
the sun Princess crew.

That's where
I'd seen her before --

on a television show.
She's a champion.

No wonder
we took such a beating!

Oh, I better tell
the captain now.

Excuse me.

[ Music continues ]

Thanks, Harry.

Well, that tears it, sir.

There's only
one thing to do now.

When we get to Juneau tomorrow,
we notify captain nordquist

that we are withdrawing
from the marathon.

No!

I won't give him
that satisfaction.

But they're professionals.
We don't have a chance.

In two days, we get to ketchikan
and the final event.

There must be some way
to outfox him.

And you can bet your life
I'll find it.

Julie: Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.

Won't you join us
on the starlite deck

for our early bird
breakfast buffet?

Well, you're sure
the early bird.

Oh, hi, Megan.

Yeah, it's my favorite
time of day.

And I didn't want to miss
any of the inland passageway.

It's beautiful,
isn't it?

Is skip still sleeping?

No, skip's
back in the room

having coffee
with his bunnies.

Is there anything wrong?

No. No, I'm just
being petty.

Somehow I resent
skip working night and day,

although I'm sure
it will probably benefit

a lot of people.

Yeah, he's okay.

It's very unselfish of him
to help the rest of us

find the girl
of our dreams.

Well, obviously,
he's already found his.

You know, Dave...

I don't think there's a thing
in the world wrong with you.

You just haven't found
the right girl yet.

Well, when I do, you can
bet she'll never be alone

on a lovely morning
like this.

Eureka! Success!
I was right.

The formula does work...

Except it was
in the wrong form.

It has to be taken internally
to get into the bloodstream.

Ladies and gentlemen, and world,
I give you "macho mints"!

Dynamite!

I think our deciding
to stay in the cabin

for the whole cruise
was a super idea, don't you?

We've really
gotten to know each other.

Right.

But, uh, maybe
we could bend the rules

just a little...

Start wearing
regular clothes...

Get out of our jammies --
uh, pajamas.

What's the point,
Helen?

Oh, just to break
the monoton--

oh, something different.

What do you say?

Oh, you're rubbing
your nose again.

I know!

We could pretend that we're
meeting for the first time.

But it almost
seems like that anyway,

doesn't it?

Man: Attention -- all members
of the marathon team,

please report
to the lido deck.

Pedal, pedal, pedal!

Get those juices going!
Juices -- juices flowing!

Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump,
pump, pump, pump, pump, pump!

We have to win
that marathon tomorrow!

Do you call that pedaling?!

You look like
a bunch of old ladies!

Pump, pump, pump, pump, pump,
pump, pump, pump!

Keep those muscles moving!

[ Whistle blows ]

Pump, pump, pump, pump,
pump, pump, pump!

[ Whistle blows ]

Pedal, pedal!
Keep those juices flowing!

Pedal, pedal, pedal, pedal!

Gopher: Good morning!

The pacific Princess
welcomes you to Juneau,

Alaska's oldest town
and now its capitol.

Land tours are available
in the purser's lobby.

Be sure to see

a major attraction
and a natural phenomenon,

the famous
mendenhall glacier --

part of a gigantic
, -square-mile ice field.

Or visit the famous gold mines,
which, in their heyday,

produced millions of dollars
in gold.

We sail for ketchikan at : .

Captain nordquist:
The sun Princess welcomes you
to Juneau.

Passengers may go ashore
or visit our worthy opponent,

the pacific Princess,
at the next berth.

Harry!

What are you doing here --
checking up on me?

Now,
why would I do that?

Because you're jealous,
that's why.

Admit it.

Jealous?! Ha!

What's the matter --

miss arctic circle
giving you the chill?

For your information,
I came here with miss arc--

with brita.

She had to see
that doctor of yours.

She's probably sick...
Of you.

Listen, don't worry about me.
I'm doing just great.

And so was I until last night
when you called.

Okay, let's make a deal --
from now on,

you stay out of my vacation,
and I'll stay out of yours.

Deal. Shake.

Deal.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Excuse me -- doc?

Hyah! Hyah!

All right, no rematch.
No rematch.

Relax, doc.

I just want to speak to you
for a little while.

Uh, it's too late, brita.

After all that exercise,

I'm donating what's left
of my body to science.

Oh, ja.

Here, let me help you.

[ Bones crack ]

Just a little
Swedish humor.

Ja.

I understand you've been
seeing a lot of Mrs. Meechum.

Oh, not as much
as I'd like.

Every pass I've made

has either been fumbled
or intercepted.

I had a feeling it would be
the same with you.

We are both involved
with the meechums...

...but it is a very
uninvolved involvement.

That's very perceptive
of you, brita.

Ja, I am not dumb --

just blond and beautiful.

I couldn't agree more.

I have an idea, ja?

I'm beginning to get
a few of my own.

Maybe we should put our heads
together, huh?

At the very least.

Suddenly, life seems to be
worth living again.

You can say that again.

Suddenly, life seems to be
worth living again.

Gopher:
Your attention, please.

The pacific Princess
is now proceeding to ketchikan

by way of glacier bay.

Captain stubing:
Hi, sweetheart.

This, uh, half day/half night
is fascinating, isn't it?

What's bothering you?

Nothing.

Come on, Vicki.

I know you
better than that.

What's the matter?

It's no fun anymore.

What isn't?

Everything --

this whole cruise.

I wish this contest
never happened.

Don't worry, Vicki.

We'll win tomorrow.

Daddy, you've changed.

All you talk about
is winning.

In the last two days,

you've yelled at the crew,
you've called people names...

You're acting like
a sore loser.

Now, if I behaved that way,
you'd send me to my room.

You're right.

I would.

I'm sorry, honey.

I'm really sorry.

I refuse to believe
these mints don't work.

Skip, look, we've tried them
with guys.

I'm sorry, but your "macho
mints" are El busto grande.

Well,
it's not a total loss.

If nothing else,

you've come up with a
great-tasting little candy here.

Megan, try one.

No, thanks.

Really, they're good.

Look,

I didn't go through all this
trouble to open a candy store.

Somehow, there has to be
something.

Megan, forgive me --
I-I don't know what it is,

but I can't resist you.

Dave!

Dave, what's the matter
with you?

I need you.

Skip!

Holy cow, it's the mints!

You gonna do anything?

Darn right!

Hold still.
I want to take your pulse.

You -- you jerk!

Oh!

Excuse me!

Ah!

Excuse me!

Which way did they go?

It works!

I will be rich and famous
before I'm .

The only difference is,
it works on women!

I thought the marathon race
was tomorrow.

Adam, take it easy.

The time for "easy" is over,
and now's the time for action.

Oh!

Always wanted to do that.

Oh, Adam, please.

Well, what's wrong?
I thought you wanted to live!

Oh, I-I do.
It's just that i'm, uh --

I'm a little
out of practice at living.

Well,
practice makes perfect.

[ Telephone rings ]

I can't believe it.

Oh, i-i-it's probably Harry.

Dorothy, he's got to be made
to realize it's over.

You are free, available,
ready to spread your wings.

Wait! Adam!

Hello, Harry?

Yeah,
this is Adam bricker.

Yes, Dorothy is here.

Well, she has no interest
in talking to you.

Now, look, Harry,

the lady has made it
very clear she's liberated.

Her life is her own now,
Harry,

and she's busy living it...

And very well,
I might add.

So, Harry, why don't you
stop calling

and let us get on
with what we were doing?

Okay, bye-bye,
Harry.

Now...

Where were we?

How dare you speak to
my ex-husband that way?

But you told me
you were through with him.

Harry meechum
might have his faults,

but he is a loving
and forgiving and dear man

who is obviously still
very concerned about me.

Wait a minute, Dorothy.

You told me
you were tired of --

Adam, you better leave.

Well, if that's
how you want it, sure.

Dorothy, you know,
this is --

damn.

What do I want?

Trig,
can I talk to you?

Well, Julie, I was --

well, I was just
going to turn in.

You see, it's, uh --
it's almost curfew time, and...

You remember
what the captain said.

There you are!

I want to talk to you two
about the competition tomorrow.

Captain, if you were counting
on me to run in the marathon,

I'm afraid I'll have to
disappoint you.

My father and I --

well, I --
I mean --

trig, I understand.

This has been rough on you.

It was wrong of me to ask you
to compete, and I apologize.

In fact, I intend to apologize
to every member of our team

for allowing a childish
rivalry to go so far.

I promise you,
it will never happen again.

Are we backing
out of the race, sir,

because of all their
professional athletes?

Absolutely not.

The pacific Princess
will never forfeit.

No, there will be
a race tomorrow,

but none of you will
have to participate.

Then who is going to race
for the pacific Princess?

I am.

Captain stubing:
Good morning, passengers!

Welcome to breathtaking
glacier bay --

truly a wonder
of the beautiful northwest.

When captain cook
sailed these waters,

he never saw this sight
because it didn't exist then.

The entire bay you see here
was formed completely

within the last
two centuries.

This giant glacier melted

and retreated into a valley
of the St. Elias mountains,

leaving in its place a newborn
inlet now called glacier bay,

which reaches almost
miles inland.

The Indians called this
"thunder bay"

because of the roar
of falling ice towers,

which continually shear off
and crash into the sea.

We've sent a boat
to collect a treat for you.

From the glacier, we bring you
chunks of pure crystal ice.

These pieces of ice,
each a century old,

will cool our dinner wine.

And strangely enough,

glacier ice lasts
much longer than other kinds.

It's well worth a snapshot
to show your friends back home

the phenomenon of nature's
a*t*matic ice maker.

This glacier you see here
is only of glaciers

comprising a national park that
is , square miles larger

than Rhode Island and
Connecticut combined.

Glacier bay --

isn't it wonderful?

You know, it defies
every known rule of science,

but obviously,

it was the female sex scent
my formula reinforced.

Dave couldn't resist you.

You know, I could use
some of that in an ice bag.

I still have a headache
from last night.

Skip, could you get me
some aspirin?

Sure, right away.

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
she's fine --

uh, just a headache from all
that running around.

You really did chase her.

I'm sorry, Megan.

No, hey,
forget about it.

Hey, um, why don't I buy
a bottle of champagne,

and we'll celebrate
the success of my experiment?

Skip, I think you better
forget the champagne.

It wasn't your experiment,

and it wasn't
very successful.

What do you mean,
it wasn't my experiment?

It was mine.

I rigged it.

I faked that phony
play for Megan.

But why?

I was hoping
those useless "macho mints"

would serve some purpose
after all...

Like making you
a little bit jealous

so you'd wake up to what
a wonderful woman you have here.

You mean
it was all phony?

Yes, it was a bummer idea
all the way.

Well, it was worse
than that.

Sentimental idiot.

Why would you
do such a thing?

Why would you make a mockery

out of everything
Megan and I wanted?

I thought what you wanted
was to be together.

I guess my
experiment failed, too.

I'm sorry, Megan.

There's no point
in getting upset.

It's just a minor setback.

It might even
be helpful.

Now I know
what I'm looking for.

So do I.

As we say goodbye
to glacier bay,

we set our course for our
next stop -- ketchikan, Alaska.

Brita:
Welcome to ketchikan.

Oh, while you are here, be sure
to see the totem pole museum,

which features a carving
of Abraham Lincoln

made over a century ago.

Buses are waiting
to take you on the city tour

and then on to the marathon
race with the pacific Princess.

Gopher: Ladies and gentlemen,
good morning,

and welcome
to ketchikan, Alaska.

There's good news.

The weatherman has promised us
a bright, sunny day

for our big marathon race
against the sun Princess.

Festivities begin at noon
at the old town square,

so everyone come out
and cheer us on to victory.

Dorothy!

Harry!
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.

I wanted --

glad, huh?

You couldn't resist,
could you?

You had to stick your nose
into my life one more time.

What are you
talking about?

You know darn well
what I'm talking about.

Last night, brita and I
were on the threshold

of a meaningful
relationship

when your nosy call
ruined everything.

My call?
I didn't call you last night!

Yes, yours!

Oh, no?
Then tell me, who was it

that brita was screaming at
over the phone?

She screamed at me?

Yes.

Last night?

Yes.

On your phone?

Yes.

And what did you do?

Well... years
deserves some loyalty.

I defended your honor
and threw her out of my cabin.

And I threw Adam out
last night, too...

Right after you called.

Me?
I didn't call you.

Yes, Harry, I know.

Oh, I think we've been had.

And we were having
so much fun, too.

[ Laughs ]

Dorothy...

Hmm?

Would you like to go
someplace and talk?

Unh-unh.

I'd like to go someplace
and not talk.

Your ship or mine?

My cabin's closer.

[ Sighs ]

Everyone's gone ashore
for the big race.

Do you wish you had?

Of course not.

Now, Ellen, we agreed
to stay in this cabin

to prove we get along great,
and we'll stick to it.

Now, I've got my camera
all set up.

Come on, sweetheart,
let's take a picture together

and send it
to all our friends at home.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Oh, darling, uh,

do you happen to have
another tie?

What's wrong
with this tie?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Uh, it just doesn't exactly
go with that jacket.

I paid a lot of money
for this jacket.

You don't think it's good enough
for your snooty friends!

It's not that.

It's just wrong --

wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

Just like your pajamas!

Well, maybe you'd
like my clothes better

if you dusted them like you dust
everything else around here!

Maybe you wouldn't be
so colorblind if you
ate your vegetables!

You mean "veggies,"
don't you?

I suppose you'd rather
have your picture taken

with some guy
in a pretty white uniform

like your friend
on the crew!

Oh!

Ah-ha!

Oh!

Oh, you can just
take a picture of yourself...

Rubbing your dumb nose!

Take it easy on that door!

They'll have to k*ll another
tree to replace it!

Aah!

Steve:
Welcome to the grand finale

of our cruise competition --

the fabulous marathon race!

And here come
the sun Princess runners,

led by their captain,
Gunnar nordquist!

They were the winners
in Vancouver.

Another win today,
and the trophy is theirs.

Brita: Hut!
Hut, hut, hut!

My runners are ready.

Where's stubing?

Oh.
Oh, he'll be here.

He's, uh --
he's very dependable.

They, uh --

they say he's one of
the best cruise captains afloat.

This is nice, isn't it?

I thought it would
be cold up here.

It is cold up here.

He won't face me.

He's afraid of the shellacking
I gave him in Vancouver.

He won't show up.

Don't say that.

I've got over pompoms
to sell.

There's some
of his people now.

But they're not dressed
for the race.

Huh -- just like I said,
there won't be any.

No race?

Attention, everybody,

I have a special announcement
to make.

Pompoms are now
half-price!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Well...where's your team?

Who's running?

Well, uh, you see,
we, uh --

well, well, well,
well, well?!

[ Horn honks ]

Uh, he'll explain.

[ Honking continues ]

What's going on?
Where are your runners?

I want to talk about that.

I had an idea.

This is no time
for ideas, stubing!

The klondike carnival
should really reflect

the special character
of Alaskan life --

its charm, its heritage.

I don't like
anything about this.

So, I propose
that we turn the road race

into a real Alaskan event --

a dog-sled race!

[ Crowd cheers,
marching-band music plays ]

[ Dogs bark ]

Those aren't real sleds.
They've got wheels.

They use wheels
in the summertime,

but it's the same thing.

Yeah.

All right, the committee
accepts your change.

We'll call it, uh...

"The ketchikan
catch-me-if-you-can."

Well, it was just a thought.

I-I do have
my choice of driver.

Olaf!

He, uh, worked sleds
in Norway.

And who's your driver
going to be?

Trig, I suppose?

No.

I'm driving.

The way I see it, a captain
shouldn't ask a crewman

to do anything he isn't
prepared to try himself.

Brita!

Never let it be said
that I took unfair advantage.

I will race you, stubing.

It'll be my personal pleasure
to beat you personally.

[ Clears throat ]

Yay,
captain stubing!

Hear, hear!

[ Cheers and applause ]

National enquirer
is gonna eat this up!

Ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen,
your attention, please!

We are about to start
the big event!

There's a slight change.

It is now called

"the clash of the captains

in their
Yukon husky dog sleds!"

[ Cheers and applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention,
please?!

Be sure you have
your pompoms!

[ Crowd moans ]

Are you ready?!

Are you --

yes, yes!

[ Dogs bark ]

Go!!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Hee! Haw!

Come on, dog!

Haw! Haw!

Haw! Haw!

[ Dogs barking ]

Haw! Gee! Gee! Haw!

Haw! Haw!

Haw!

Hie, hie, hie!

Hie! Hie!

Hah! Hah! Hah!

The sleds have just passed
the half-mile Mark!

They're still
neck and neck!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Haw! Haw! Haw!

Come on! Come on!

Haw!

Haw! Haw! Haw!

Haw! Haw! Haw!

Gee! Haw! Gee! Haw!

[ Laughs ]

Great idea of yours,
stubing!

Ha ha!

Haw!

Haw! Haw!

Eat my dust, stubing!
Ha ha ha ha ha!

[ Coughs ]

[ Laughs ]

At the one-mile Mark,

captain nordquist
has taken the lead!

[ Cheers and applause ]

See you back at port,
stubing!

Wahoo!

All right, keep
the finish line clear, folks.

And remember, it's not a race
without a pompom!

[ Crowd moans ]

Gee! Gee! Gee!

Way to go!
Let's go!

[ Laughs ]

Ah -- oh! Ah! Oh! Ugh!

[ Dogs whine ]

I'll give you a hand.

On three -- one, two...

Ugh!

Well, that does it.

Go ahead, you win.

First, my son betrays me,
and now this.

Trig hasn't betrayed you.

He's been trying to talk to you
since you left Los Angeles.

You won't give him
a chance.

Talk to me about what?

He'll never command a ship,
nordquist.

It just isn't in him.

Nonsense. I raised him
to be a ship's captain.

Maybe you should come
on my ship and look at
his navigation charts.

Well, your sled's
all right.

Uh...

If trig can't be
a ship's master,

what do you -- what do you
suggest he do for a living?

Anything he wants to.

He'd make
a great cruise director.

Cruise director?

I will not have my son
playing bingo...

Or teaching fat ladies
to mambo --

never.

Go ahead.

After you.

We'll pick up
right where we left off.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

You stopped.
Go ahead.

Haaaaah!

Hie! Hie!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Come on, captain!

Go! Go! Go!

Let's go!

You can do it,
captain!

Hie! Hie!

Hang on to your hats,
everyone!

I think we're going to have
a very close finish!

Hah!

Hie!

It's captain nordquist
and captain stubing!

It's nordquist and stubing!

It looks like
nordquist is the winner!

Yes!
nordquist wins it!

[ Cheers and applause ]

The winner --

captain Gunnar nordquist
of the sun Princess!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Congratulations, captain!

Have you got anything to say
on this happy occasion?

No.

Uh, uh, come in.

So this is where
you've been hiding.

Oh, I haven't
been hiding --

not really.

Well, I've been looking
everywhere for you.

I figured I'd messed up
your cruise enough.

Well, in that case, uh...

Why don't we do something
about fixing it up again?

What about skip?

Skip has another date...

With his rabbits.

We broke up last night.

You did?

Sorry to hear that.

The hell you are.

Gopher:
The pacific Princess offers
a hearty "welcome aboard"

to the passengers and crew
of the sun Princess.

The gala awards ceremony
is now about to begin

in the acapulco lounge.

This will attract women to men
like bees to honey.

Now, if you'd like to
volunteer for this very
interesting experiment,

just fill out this form,
hmm?

Hey, you two...

Best of luck.

No hard feelings,
really.

Thanks, skip.

I could never be
the husband you deserve.

I guess I'll always be
married to my research.

Well, good luck with it.

Thanks.

Oh! If you'd ever like to
improve --

what am I saying?

I need more help
than you do.

[ Soft lounge music plays ]

[ Music stops ]

Ladies and gentlemen,
if you'll all take your seats,

it's time for the moment
we've all been waiting for.

Now, if you'll
put your hands together

and give me
a nice round of applause

for the captain and crew

of the sun Princess
and the pacific Princess.

How about it?

Big hand!

[ March plays ]

[ Music stops ]

Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf
of the cruise ship association,

it gives me great pleasure to
present this handsome trophy

to the men and women
of the sun Princess!

How about it?

[ Fanfare plays ]

And to its Valiant captain,
captain Gunnar nordquist,

for winning the klondike
carnival challenge match!

How about it?

[ Fanfare plays ]

Thank you.

I'd be pleased
to accept this award

if I believed
I deserved it.

But since
the pacific Princess team

won one event the first day

and should have won
the sled race today...

The trophy rightfully belongs
to captain merrill stubing.

And I'd be proud
to offer this trophy,

prouder still
to shake his hand.

Careful, sir,
it might be a trick.

I don't think so.

It's an honor

to shake the hand
of my oldest adversary...

And my newest friend.

But I can't accept
this award

for a competition
I didn't win.

[ Crowd mumbles ]

Oh, come on, fellas,
somebody has to take it.

Well, I don't want it.

No, I don't want it,
either.

Then here, you take it.

We've already won
our awards.

Besides, who needs
another tin ice bucket?

I completely
agree with you...

For once.

Well,
I'll send for my luggage

when I get another cabin.

Maybe you'll find a girl
at the party

who's more your style --

someone in
an orange-and-purple dress,

drinking
out of a snoopy mug.

Maybe you'll find
your prince charming --

some nut
dusting all the ashtrays

and running away
from butterflies.

Where is everybody?
Where's the party?

I thought you wanted
to --

where is it?!

Acapulco lounge --
two decks up!

Oww!

So it didn't work out.

It sure didn't.

And yet, in a way,
it did.

We did get to know a lot more
about each other, didn't we?

Mm-hmm.

We already knew
the super things

we really liked
about each other.

And now we know the things
we don't like so much.

Crazy thought, Ellen --

could it be just possible
that now that we do know

the ornery side
of our dispositions,

our chances of making it
are even better?

Oh, I don't know, Jesse.

See, I really care
about you.

But I need a relationship

with a whole lot of forever
in it.

And I don't know
if we can change enough

for that to happen.

Well, we wouldn't necessarily
have to change a lot...

Just understand a lot.

Whatever you decide, Ellen,

one thing
will never change --

I'll always think of you

as the best thing
that ever happened...

To Jesse dobson.

Oh! Heh heh heh.

You know what?

With a little time,

I'll bet
I could get to like "snoopy."

Uh-huh. Come on.

Good night.

Captain stubing, I have that
report that you --

dad, what are you
doing here?

I had a little talk
with your captain.

I had him send for you.

I see.

I was just looking
at your charts.

You're
a terrible navigator.

Well, I figured if I just
kept plugging away that it --

no...

Don't bother.
It's hopeless.

Thanks, dad.

I knew I could count on you
for your support.

You should do something
you're good at.

Like what?

Like being
a cruise director.

Stubing said that you'd be
a very good one.

And that's what
you'd like to be.

I wish
you'd have told me.

Dad, I was afraid to.

Ah, well...

Yes, well, you see,
that's what I am good at --

you're good
at making people happy,

and I'm good
at making them scared.

Hmm --
my crew, your mother...

Now my son.

What would you say
if I told you

that I'm more scared
than you are?

Scared of what?

Of losing you.

Dad, does that mean
you want me to sail with you?

Yeah...

But --
but not as a navigator.

I still have my passengers'
safety to think about.

Dad,
you actually made a joke.

I mean, I never heard you
do that before.

Yeah, well,
every years or so,

I do get a good one off.

Well, I'm glad to see
somebody's enjoying the cruise.

Oh, are we ever.

In fact, it ended up so good
that on our next cruise,

we're both going to sail
on the same ship.

Really?

In that case,

on behalf of the international
alliance of cruise ships...

Here.

W-W-Why'd you give this
to us?

It's a loving cup
for a loving couple.

Besides, nobody else
would take it.

[ Clears throat ]

Adam, brita...

Harry and I
are so grateful to you.

And we wanted
to thank you.

And we want to thank you.

For what?

For kicking us
out of your lives.

And letting us
into each other's.

Aw.

Isn't that romantic?

You two deserve
the loving cup.

Mm-hmm.

But whatever you do, don't let
her give you a massage.

[ Sighs ]

Well, what are we
going to do with this?

Fill it full of mud.

Mud?

Just a little
Swedish humor.

[ Bones crack ]

Ugh!

Gopher:
All visitors ashore, please.

The sun Princess
and the pacific Princess

will sail for Los Angeles
in minutes.

Well, merrill,
it's time to leave.

Although I must admit,

I'm afraid to go back
to the sun Princess.

Why?

Well, my new
assistant cruise director here

insists he's going to
teach me to dance.

Why does that
frighten you?

Well, if I dance
the way he navigates,

I'll be a worse menace
to my ship than icebergs.

[ Laughs ]

Gunnar, that's a joke.

Well, yes.

Well, that's two
in two days, dad.

At that rate,

you won't have to get off
another one

until the year .

Aha!
I saw that wink!

Goodbye!

So long!