05x12 - Take a Letter, Vicki/The Floating Bridge Game/The Joy of Celibacy

[bunniefuu]

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Terribly sorry,
excuse me.

Gopher: Bye-bye.

Sorry.

Uh, hi.

Hi.

Uh, my name is
Sidney willens.

I wonder if you could
direct me to my cabin.

Yes, sir, Mr. Willens.

You're on fiesta deck,
cabin .

Thank you. Ah!

I wouldn't do
that if I were you.

I mean putting the pencil
behind your ear like that.

Very dangerous.
Uh, I should know.

That's my business --
I'm a safety inspector.

Oh, well, I'm sure
you'll find this ship
as safe as your own home.

Oh, I certainly hope not.

Do you realize that % of all
accidents occur in the home?

I know.
That's why I went to sea.

Teasing, just --

well, have a nice trip --
vacation, not...

I'm terribly sorry.
Excuse me.

Uh, my name is
Sidney willens.

What is it?

Uh, those shoes.

Oh, yes. Yes, I bought them
especially for this cruise.

Uh, big mistake,
big mistake.

Those are not good shoes
to be wearing aboard a ship.

I mean, you should be wearing
shoes that have rubber soles.

I mean, the legs are great,
but the shoes are a big mistake.

Oh, thank you.

No trouble at all.

Kind of cute
but very picky.

Mm-hmm.

Um, Alice Robbins.

Yes. Alice Robbins.

Julie:
Hello, welcome aboard.

Mr. Kirby?
I'm Julie McCoy.

Are you sailing with us?

I didn't see your name
on the manifest.

No, miss McCoy, I'm looking
for one of my executives

who's on this cruise.

Oh, does that mean that
your corporation

is thinking of buying
the line again?

It means I want to talk
somebody out of resigning.

I'm not about to let my most
valuable vice-president

quit like this.

Oh, that wouldn't be
Lydia foster, would it?

I've read about you
two in the papers.

Yes, it is Lydia foster.

But don't believe
everything you read.

Our relationship has been
strictly business.

Well, she looks just
like her pictures.

Excuse me.

Sure.

Lydia.

I refuse to accept
your resignation.

Please, Mr. Kirby,
I'm late.

I have to get aboard.

Damn it, we're not
sleeping together!

If you think I'm gonna let some
other company snap you up...

Sir, I am grateful to
maxitronics international

for the confidence you've placed
in me, but I can't g--

excuse me,
I'm sorry to interrupt,

but, Mr. Kirby,
we're about to sail.

You'll have to go ashore.

Not without her.

I won't change my mind.

Miss McCoy, do you
have an empty cabin?

I'll check.

Yes, sir, one,
but it's small.

I'll take it.

I'd like an open telephone line
to my corporate headquarters

and use of a telex.

Yes, sir.

You and I will meet
at : this afternoon.

But I don't work
for you anymore.

All right, make it : .

[ Sighs ]

Hey, gopher.

What?

Have you seen doc yet?

No, I've been looking for him,
but I haven't seen him.

Well, look, I mean,

you know when doc takes
a two-week vacation,

he doesn't want it to be
seconds less than two weeks.

Well, I hope he remembered
to pack his bathing suit

because if he's any later,

he's gonna have
to swim out to meet us.

Gopher.

Sir.

Did you tell Dr. Bricker
I wanted to see him

as soon as he got back?

He hasn't reported
to me yet.

Well, that's because he hasn't
come back to the ship yet, sir.

We're due to sail
in minutes.

Mm.

Well, there he is.

Hi, everybody.

Well, hi, doc,
nice of you to drop by.

Hey,
what is this,

the latest look
in medical attire?

Hey, knock it off,
you two.

I just haven't had
time to change.

I'm sorry I'm late.

It must have been
some vacation.

Oh, just the usual --

played a couple rounds of golf,
saw some nice movies,

got married, uh, took a couple
of tennis lessons --

whoa! What?!

Hey! Back up!

Tanya.

Gentlemen, and lady,

I'd like you to meet, as of, uh,
hours and minutes ago,

the new Mrs. Adam bricker.

Well, hi.

Congratulations.

How are you doing?
Nice to meet you.

Hey, doc,
congratulations, man.

That's incredible.

[ Air horn blows ]

[ Gasps ]

Just checking
the equipment.

Here you go.

Isaac Washington
honeymoon specials.

Oh, wow.

Two sips, and you feel like you
went over Niagara Falls.

Okay, doc and Tanya, tell us --
how did it happen?

Yeah,
where'd you meet Tanya?

One night while I was
on my vacation,

I decided to go to
a concert to hear

an eastern-European touring
symphony orchestra.

How come I never
meet beautiful ladies

like Tanya at the symphony?

Because you never go
to the symphony.

Good reason.

Purser Smith to the lido deck,
please.

Ah, duty calls.
You can see, Tanya,

I'm the only one around here
that does any work.

Oh, will you take this back
to the bar for me?

Anyway,
back at the symphony...

Right.

Actually, Tanya wasn't
in the audience.

She was onstage
in the orchestra.

The world's most
gorgeous cellist.

[ Eastern-European accent ]
If it was up to Adam,

he'd have me listed in
the program that way.

I would not.
I'd have you listed as

the world's most gorgeous
and talented cellist.

Anyway,
I was so impressed,

I went backstage to compliment
Tanya on her playing.

Well, she complimented me
on my compliment,

one compliment led to
another -- we got married.

Whoever said flattery
gets you nowhere?

Ah, gopher.

I'm the one
who had you paged.

There are some very serious
safety hazards on this ship.

Mr. Willens, have you been
working on your vacation?

First of all,

the carpeting in my cabin
is / of an inch higher

than the carpeting
in the passageway,

which means that someone
could very easily trip

and break their neck just
passing over the threshold.

I see --
lower the carpet in the cabin

or raise the carpet
in the passageway.

Uh, excuse me, gopher.

Uh, hi.

Remember me?
Sidney.

Oh, sure I remember you.

I'm Alice Robbins.

See? Rubber soles.

Oh, good, good.
Very good.

Uh, I was standing across
the deck watching you,

and I couldn't help
notice your terrific tan.

Oh.

It's so dark and so deep.

Oh, yes, I've been
working hard at it.

Do you have any idea how bad
that is for your skin?

You mean you came
all the way across here

just to tell me
how unhealthy my tan is?

Well, I also couldn't help
noticing your eyes.

Look, if they're hazardously
close together, forget it.

I'm not going to move them.

Oh, no, I just wanted to say
that I think they're beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

Listen, would you like
to join me this afternoon?

Oh, well, thank you.
Yes, I would very much.

Uh, what are you going to do?

Go skeet sh**ting.

Ah, skeet shoo--

skeet sh**ting?

Hey, isn't that
a little dangerous?

I don't know.
It's my first time.

First time.

Mr. Kirby.

Are you
enjoying the cruise?

It's been
absolutely marvelous.

I've acquired two new
subsidiaries since we left port.

Not that German corporation?

Yes,
and the Italian one, too.

And I couldn't have done it
without your spadework.

Now, uh, as to this absurd idea
you have about leaving us --

[ laughs ]

What's so funny?

Haven't you noticed that
nobody else is wearing anything

that even vaguely resembles
a three-piece business suit?

Yes. Now, to these rumors about
you and I in the boardroom --

I really don't think you --

you really ought to buy more
appropriate clothing.

Lydia, in the years
since I graduated

from the warton
school of finance,

what I have on has
always been appropriate.

For the warton school
of finance.

[ Laughs ] I'm sorry,
but if we're going to talk,

either I have to put on
a business suit,

or you have to put on
a bathing suit.

Well, I-I wouldn't want you
to get suntan oil

all over
your business suit.

Great. Then I'll help you pick
out what you need.

I-I don't suppose they make
three-piece bathing suits?

Maybe we could find
a two-piece with a life vest.

Mmm, is that
a great Martini.

Huh?

Is that a great Martini!

I still have the cotton in my
ears from the skeet sh**ting.

Do you realize that
g*nsh*t noise

is one of the leading causes
of ear damage, hmm?

Did you know that?

Isaac, I'd like to talk to you
about this Martini.

Great, isn't it?

That is not the point.

The point of this toothpick
is the point.

It is dangerously sharp.

Oh, well, we tried the ones
with the rounded ends,

but they don't seem
to Pierce the olive.

Have you tried
softer olives?

No, but I'll bring that up
at the next olive meeting.

They have
olive meetings here?

Oh, Sidney,
you are so cute!

Do you have any idea

how many germs there are
in a single kiss?

Excuse me, I hate to interrupt
you two lovebirds,

but the captain has
something to tell you.

I just want to say that
since you two snuck off

and got married without
any of us being there,

we want to have a wedding
party for you tonight

at the captain's table --
just our family.

That will be very nice.

Thank you, merrill.

In the meantime,

I think it's best if we let you
and your pretty young bride

have a little privacy.

Right, sir, I think
I just saw them hang up

their "do not disturb" sign.

Adam, your friends
are wonderful.

The way they welcomed
me with open arms.

Yeah, they're
a pretty terrific group.

And, uh, speaking
of open arms...

[ Knock on door ]

Alice, wow, that's the most
fantastic-looking dress

I've ever seen.

Well, don't tell me
it's dangerous

because
it's supposed to be.

Could you, uh, do me up?

Oh, can I?

I mean, certainly.

Are we ready?

Uh, all ready.

Uh, wait a minute.

Room key.

I knew there was
something I forgot.

[ Laughter ]

Vicki:
Is it time yet, dad?

I think so.
Isaac, gopher.

Ahem, would you excuse us,
please?

Hey,
what's going on here?

Well, doc, in honor
of this very special occasion,

we've had the chef
work overtime.

I think you'll be happy
with the results.

[ Isaac imitates fanfare ]

Ta-da!

Oh, you guys.

And look, doc, the little groom
looks just like you.

Oh, Adam, it's beautiful.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To Adam, our dear friend.

To Tanya,
who became Adam's bride

and so becomes
our friend, also.

I wish you both years
of love and happiness.

Hear! Hear!

Hear! Hear!

Hear! Hear!

No, here.

Isaac: Hey.

Uh, I'm not sure
of the rules of etiquette

concerning proposing
a toast to oneself,

but I'm gonna
do it anyway.

To the luckiest man
in the world

and to the woman who
makes him feel that way...

For showing him
how to love again.

Thank you.

Well, here's to a day
spent buying me clothes

and sitting by the pool.

To help you relax.

I am relaxed.

Now, let's get
down to business.

Lydia, you and I know
that our relationship

has been purely
as one executive to another.

That's all that matters.

Not when people are whispering
that I got promotions

only because we were
having an affair.

Damn it, I don't sleep with
my vice-presidents --

they ought to know that.

It is rather difficult to
imagine a hard-nosed businessman

like yourself
being involved with anybody.

Exactly.

All right, maybe I'm not the
most romantic man in the world.

And I've never been married

because it didn't seem
worth the trouble.

But that's all the more reason
for you to ignore those lies.

You've gotta be tough, Lydia,

if you want to survive
in the corporate world.

I was losing my effectiveness.

People resent taking orders

from somebody they think
is the boss' mistress.

Petty, envious bigots.

Are you gonna let people
like that drive you out?

It wasn't just me
being hurt, you know?

Wh-- am I supposed
to have another girlfriend?

I mean you, Mr. Kirby.

Your effectiveness was
suffering, too.

It wasn't a good arrangement
for either of us.

Woman's logic.

And you're no woman, Lydia.
You're a top-notch manager.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, come on,
you know what I mean.

Yes, I suppose I do.

You were giving me the highest
compliment you could think of.

Would you prefer I said
something silly like, uh,

"I love the way you
look in your bikini"?

Do you?

Will you come back
if I tell you?

No.

Then I won't tell you.

Sidney, whatever inspired you
to become a safety inspector?

Oh.

Well, it all started when
I was a very young boy of .

I remember it was
a cold, wintry day

and I was sitting
at the window looking out.

My brother was shoveling snow
in the front yard,

and I was trying to figure out
what to do with my life.

And, all of a sudden,
it hit me.

The inspiration?

No, the shovel.

Flew out of
my brother's hands

and conked me
right on the skull.

From that day on, I decided that
I was gonna devote my life

to making this world a safer
place for people to live in.

Oh, Sidney,
that's admirable.

Let's celebrate your dedication
with a bottle of champagne.

Champagne?

Are you kidding?

And take the risk of knocking
someone's eye out with the cork?

No way.

No, you're right.

Let's order a bottle of wine.

Or is wine
too dangerous, too?

Well.

How about grapes?

Grapes?

Seedless.

Are you putting me on?

Maybe just a little.

Alice, don't you care
about safety at all?

No...

Just safety inspectors.

[ Slow dance music plays ]

Ladies and gentlemen,
excuse me.

May I have your attention,
please?

I'm pleased to present
our very own

Dr. Adam bricker and his
beautiful bride, Tanya,

in their first dance together
as husband and wife.

Please, everybody,
won't you join us?

Oh, Tanya, if I'd done nothing
else my whole life

but dance with you,

I wouldn't feel
that I'd wasted a moment.

I'm making up
for lost time, too.

You know, when I was
growing up in my country,

all the girls were dancing --
I was practicing my cello.

I was quite old before I
ever even kissed a man.

Well, you may not have
practiced your kissing

as much as you practiced
your cello,

but I'm here to tell you,
you're not only first cellist,

you're also first kisser.

That's because you're
a marvelous conductor.

Ooh.

[ Clears throat ]

Excuse me,
I hate to interrupt,

but there's a passenger
in fiesta

that needs to see you.

Anything serious?

No, just a cold.

Won't keep you away from
your lovely bride too long.

I'm sorry, darling.

Merrill, would you finish
this dance for me?

Oh, I thought
you'd never ask.

May I, Mrs. Bricker?

Tanya bricker.

I think I'm going
to like saying that name.

That's because he can't
pronounce "czeslovinska."

Lydia, I have transatlantic
calls to place.

Not until you do
something else first.

You're right --
I almost forgot.

Check gold futures in Zurich
and pork bellies in Chicago.

And the dance floor
in the acapulco lounge.

Shall we?

I'm not very good.

I don't dance much.

How often?

Every two years

at the international
monetary fund gala.

That's it?

Well, the inauguration,
of course.

I don't remember you
going to Washington.

It was Truman's
inauguration.

I danced with my mother.

All things considered, I'd say
you're a pretty good dancer.

You know, I think
I'm enjoying this.

Well, it sure beats pork
bellies, doesn't it?

Do you know, Sidney,

there are things
more important than safety --

like love.

Love?! Love?!
Are you kidding?

Do you have any idea how
dangerous love could be?

Dangerous?

Of course,
look at history.

It was Napoleon's
love for Josephine

that clouded his mind and led
to his defeat at Waterloo.

Sidney.

It was Antony's love
for Cleopatra

that sent his barge
up the river.

Sidney.

How about Samson and Delilah?
She got --

Sidney, if you
and I work at it,

we might make the world
safe for romance.

Come on.

Ah, where are we going?

To your place.

We'll, uh, put on some
soft music and, uh,

dim the lights and --

dim the lights?
Dim the lights?!

Oh, no, we can't do that.
That could be very dangerous.

We might trip over something
in the dark and fall.

Yes, but imagine
where we might land.

Hi, guys.
Where's doc?

Uh, he's treating a passenger
with a cold.

On his wedding night?
Poor guy.

Yeah, but when he gets
back, we got a little
surprise for him.

Since doc never gave us

a chance to throw him
a bachelor party,

we figure that the least
that we could do

would be to escort him
to his bridal suite.

Here he comes.
Don't say anything.

Okay, back
to my honeymoon.

Where's Tanya?

Sorry, doc.
We can't tell you that.

What?

We can't tell you,
but we can show you.

Come on, doc.

Come on.

If I'm not
back in a week,

don't you dare send
a search party!

Come on, doc.

♪ ...don't rent his room ♪

Fellas, keep it down.

♪ Here comes the groom ♪

♪ don't rent his room ♪

[ French accent ]
Adieu, Dr. Bricker.

You are a brave man to volunteer
for this assignment.

Merci!

[ French accent ]
This is above and beyond
the call of duty.

À bientôt.

À bientôt.

♪ There goes the groom ♪

♪ don't rent his room ♪

[ Singing indistinctly ]

Ready or not,
here I come.

I guess she's not ready.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Very.

If anyone had told me
two days ago

I'd be aboard
a cruise ship today --

and that you'd
dance the night away?

I did, didn't I?

And that
you'd even like it.

I did, Lydia.

But the real world
still exists out there,

and you can't
let it beat you.

Ah, the secret
to the Kirby success --

you never forget what you're
after and you never give up.

Exactly.

And I don't want
you to give up, either.

What do you say?

Will you come back to us?

You want me
to be a fighter, huh?

We need you.

You and I know that everything
between us is on the up-and-up.

Nothing else matters.

[ Sighs ]

Okay, Ralph.

To hell with all
the lies and rumors.

Tear up my resignation.

That's great!

Well, I feel like a kid

with his first subscription
to fortune magazine.

Welcome back aboard, Lydia.

Good night, Ralph.

Well, here we are.

Yes, uh, here we are.

Do you smell
something burning?

Oh, it's passion.

It's smoke.

And it's coming
from my cabin.

Nothing to worry about, folks,
just a handkerchief.

Oh, no.
I don't believe it.

Yeah, Mr. Willens, I'm afraid
you left your iron plugged in.

Well, that's terrible.

How could I do
a thing like that?

Well, sir, you of all
people should know --

better safe than sorry.

Try to be more
careful next time, okay?

Yes.
Yes, I will.

Oh, Sidney...
Accidents do happen.

Not with me they don't.

I'm sorry, Alice, but I think
we better call it a night.

Good night.

[ Sighs ]

Doc.
What are you doing here?

I seem to have
misplaced my wife.

You haven't seen her,
have you?

No. Well, maybe
she went out on deck.

You know, the moonlight
is very romantic tonight.

I like how you women think.

Tanya: Darling.

[ Laughing ]

Hi, guys.
Either of you seen doc?

Are you kidding me?!

This is a man's
honeymoon morning.

He won't be out
till : .

The day after tomorrow.

My, how time flies.

Hey.

Hey.

Doc, we didn't expect
to see you

unless it was a state
of emergency, man.

What happened?
You run out of vitamins?

Doc, is there anything wrong?

I'm just a little tired.

Ah, he's just
a little tired.

Yeah, looks like you didn't
sleep a wink all night long.

I-I didn't.

Ha ha!
You devil.

This is a sad day for
the single women of the world.

Speaking of women,
where's Tanya this morning?

On cloud nine if my buddy doc's
living up to his old reputation.

I don't know
where she is.

Oh, good morning, Sidney.

You know, I was looking
through this schedule here,

and, uh, I thought it might
be fun to --

no, I don't think so.

What's wrong, Sidney?

What's wrong?
What's wrong?

I'll tell you what's wrong.

That fire in there last night
was caused by my carelessness.

Who cares?
Everybody makes mistakes.

And do you know why
I was so careless?

Because I was thinking
of you.

Well, there's nothing
wrong with that.

I have dedicated
my entire life to safety.

Then you come along,
and I become a pyromaniac!

That's ridiculous.

No, it is not ridiculous.

Do you realize what
could have happened

in that room last night?

I do.

Ah. Yes, well, uh,
I didn't mean that.

What I meant is, uh, don't you
care about safety at all?

I care more about you.

At least I did.

Hello, Ralph.

What are you doing back
in your old pinstripe?

Oh, Lydia.

I'm sorry about last night.
I really botched things up.

Oh, come on, I --

no. No, I took
advantage of you.

You took advantage of --

yes, and I admit it freely.

You're too good of an executive
to be treated that way.

Now, hold on, Ralph.

I, uh, I think it might be wiser
if we went back to "Mr. Kirby."

I promise you last night
will never happen again.

Oh, you do?

Now, then, uh, if you'll
change into something

a little more business-like,
uh,

I'd like you to analyze a couple
of offers I've roughed out.

Does it occur to you that I had
something to do with last night?

You know, Ralph,
we're equals.

You are not chairman of
the board for this love affair.

Love affair?!

It was just a thing
in the moonlight.

As the man, you decide,
of course.

Well, I've got news for you --
you weren't out there

kissing the back
of your hand.

There was a female
person involved.

I don't think I like hearing
that tone from you, miss foster.

Is this what you learned at
the Harvard school of business?

No, Mr. Kirby,
but I did learn

that there's more than one
party to a contract --

even oral contracts
made in the moonlight.

Lydia.

Need some help?

Oh, thank you.

I can't seem
to get it open.

Sometimes I'm so macho,
it scares me.

Hi, Isaac.

Hi.

Uh, let me have
an orange blossom.

Okay.

Oh, gopher.

There is a spot
right back here

that I don't seem
to be able to reach.

Would you mind?

I thought you'd never ask.

You know, it's important
to protect your skin.

Yeah.

At least, that's what
an expert once told me.

Mr. Willens?

Mr. Willens?

Oh, Mr. Willens,
would you like me

to help you back up
on your stool?

No, thanks. I don't want
to do that trick again.

You should really
be more careful.

[ Knock on door ]

Who is it?

Tanya: It's Tanya.

Come in.

Adam, I've been
looking for you.

Why did you leave?

It was our wedding night.

Well, I didn't realize
it meant so much to you.

I don't understand.
Was it something I said?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
it was.

As I recall, you promised to
love, honor, and Cherish,

but maybe what we have here
is a language barrier.

Apparently those words don't
carry the same meaning

in your native tongue.

Adam, I wish you'd explain
what you're --

no, I think you're the one
that owes the explanation.

Tanya...

Tanya, how am
I supposed to feel?

Last night was the most
wonderful night of my life

until I walked out on deck
looking for

the woman I planned to spend
the rest of my life with

and found her
with another man?

Oh, no!

Oh, Adam, I had
no idea you saw.

Oh, that's
a wonderful excuse.

I feel much better now.

I don't know
what to tell you.

Well, for starters, how about
who the hell was that guy

and what were you doing
kissing him?

I wish I could
answer you, Adam.

But I can't.

[ Door closes ]

Now, look, Roger, I don't want
us to lose that company.

It's too important.

You draft a letter
to their stockholders

outlining our offer.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.
Make those points about

their lousy management
good and strong,

clear it with legal,
and get it out.

Hello.

You wanted my analysis
of some offers, I believe.

Look, uh,
about this morning.

Please, Mr. Kirby, that was
very unprofessional of me.

In retrospect,
I can only admire

your management skills
in dealing with the matter.

Now, about those offers.

Oh, uh...

Well, actually, I
polished those off myself.

Uh, but I would like you
to look at a cable

from our, uh, ionosphere
components division.

It's here somewhere.

West coast marketing division.
International monetary fund.

I'm sure they'll all notice
how much better you dance

at their next gala.

Secretary of commerce.

I love the way
your hair smells.

Thank you.

My shampoo is made by our
syntheco-chemical subsidiary.

Ah, here we are.
Ionosphere components.

I'd like to get
a reaction from you.

Uh, on the offer.

Excuse me.

Yes, I see what you mean.

The prospects here
look quite attractive.

I think you should
make a move.

You're right, Lydia.

Mr. Kirby!

What?

Now, about that
cable from the I.M.F. --

damn it, let's forget
about the I.M.F.

You're right,
we can put that off.

It's much more important
I get right to work
on this ionosphere bid.

Lydia!

And, please, it's
"miss foster" from now on.

[ Telephone rings ]

What?!

There you are.

Thanks, Isaac.

You know what
I've been thinking?

You want a seat belt
for your bar stool.

By the way,
how are things going?

Oh, I don't know, Isaac.

So far, so good,
I guess.

"So far, so good."

You know, the way you say that
reminds me of a story.

What story?

Well, it's about a guy who
jumped off a -story building,

and as he passed the th floor,
someone heard him say,

"so far, so good."

Well, I guess
that's me, Isaac.

I don't know why
I'm so unhappy.

Just this morning I rededicated
my whole life to safety.

And now I'm miserable.

I don't know
what went wrong.

Mr. Willens,
playing it safe is fine

if it keeps you
from getting hurt.

But sometimes
it keeps you from doing

the things you really
want to do.

Like seeing Alice?

Exactly.

Now, maybe you should learn
to take a chance

every once in a while.

What's the worst
that could happen?

Well, I could break
an arm or a leg.

Is that any worse
than a broken heart?

I guess not.

What good is being safe if you
have no one to be safe with?

You know something?

You're right, Isaac.

Where are you going?

To do something
I really want to do.

Break a leg!

Hello, Mr. Kirby.

Miss McCoy.

You look lost.
Can I help you?

Oh, no.
I'm fine, thank you.

Tell me something,
miss McCoy.

Why are you women
so hard to figure out?

Oh, probably because
you can't punch us up

on one of
your adding machines.

The problem is people don't
look at things analytically,

balancing fact
against fact.

It's the only way
to reach a decision

that makes everybody happy.

Well, maybe that works
in the business world, but --

no, it works anywhere.

Including right here.
Excuse me.

Mm-hmm.

Are you sure we can
talk here, Mr. Kirby?

It's not a very
business-like environment.

Okay,
I know when I'm licked.

Oh, if you're talking
about our setback

in the central-American
mines deal --

I'm talking about us.

Us?

Oh, yes, U.S. --
unified smelting.

I haven't finished
that analysis yet.

I am not talking
about smelting.

I am talking about the fact
that I care for you...

And that I handled
the situation stupidly.

You really see that?

[ Sighs ]

I don't know how I could
have ever been so blind.

But now I've had time
to think it through.

Obviously, if
an imaginary romance

hurt our business reputations,
a real one would be worse.

So there's only
one ideal solution.

Ralph,
are you asking me --

I'm firing you.

What?!

With my help,
you'll have no trouble

getting an even higher position
in any one of a number of firms,

leaving us free
to be in love.

Now kiss me.

I'll get it, darling.

Consider yourself
kissed, Mr. Kirby!

Kissed off!

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Merrill,
can I talk to you?

Of course.

What's the matter?

It's Tanya.

What happened?

Well, I spent my wedding night
alone sleeping in --

or rather not sleeping in --
my examining room.

Adam, I don't understand.

You have a charming,
lovely, new bride.

You should be the happiest
man in the world.

I was.

Until I walked out
on deck last night...

Merrill, I saw her...
Kissing another man.

Oh.

I don't know who he was
or where he came from.

Merrill, she was...
Kissing him.

Adam, I hate to say this,

but you only met Tanya
two weeks ago.

What do you really
know about her?

All I know is
that I love her.

Then maybe you should give her
a chance to explain.

She won't talk to me
about it.

I'm sure she will
when she's ready.

What's important is that she
knows you'll be there to listen.

Thanks, merrill.

Good evening, folks.

What is Mr. Willens doing
on your skateboard?!

I don't know, but I sure hope
that lady has insurance!

Mr. Willens!

Mr. Willens, are you all right?
Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Okay. All right.

This is just a warning.

Next time I'm going to have
to give you a ticket.

I couldn't find the brakes.

Are you crazy --
skateboarding on deck?

Oh, that was nothing.

You should have seen me
going down the stairs.

If you're trying
to k*ll yourself,

I'd appreciate it if you go
and do it someplace else.

Wait a minute, Alice.
You don't understand.

I'm doing this for you.
Don't you get it?

No more
safe Sidney willens.

For once in my life, i'm
willing to risk getting hurt.

Well, then you
and your little skateboard

should be very happy
together.

Wait a minute, Alice.
I don't care about skateboards.

I don't care
about ironing boards.

I don't care
about bald tires.

Well, bald tires --
maybe just a little bit.

Alice, there's only one thing in
this world that can hurt me.

And that's you.

And I'm gonna give you
the opportunity.

Alice...i love you.

Me, I said that.

I said that?

I said it.

I love you, Alice.

Sidney, I love you, too.

You know something?

I could have k*lled myself
on that stupid thing.

[ Sighs ]

You sure do know how
to hurt a guy's ego...

Not to mention his tailbone.

And you sure do know
how to ask for it.

If I was wrong to fire you,
then you were wrong to quit.

Are we even on that score?

I'm not keeping score.

Look, I'm not used to talking
to people I'm in love with.

Because it never
happened before.

You gotta give me a break.

What do you want
from me, Ralph?

I want to marry you.

So I can stay home
and take care of the house

for you and all
the little acquisitions?

Now, wouldn't that be a terrible
waste of woman power?

We'll both keep our old jobs

and let all the tongue-waggers
say what they want.

Well?

I'll vote for
that merger %.

Adam.

Tanya. Tanya,
where have you been?

I've been thinking, Adam...

About what I've done to you.

Tanya, before you say anything,
I want you to know

no matter what the problem is,
we can work it out --

as long as we
stay together.

You make it so hard for me
to say what I have to say.

Adam, we shouldn't
be married.

I know we rushed into it, but as
long as we love each other --

I care for you very
deeply, Adam, but...

God forgive me,
I've never loved you.

Not in that way.

Then why did you marry me?

Misha.

This is why.

Adam, meet
mikhail shakopovic.

Mikhail shakopovic?

The political dissident?

Tanya, I don't understand.

Tanya and I were engaged
to be married three years ago.

Then the communists forced me
to seek asylum in your country.

Without each other
we were miserable.

Then I got a chance to come
to america with the orchestra.

For six months
we were together again.

When it came time to go back,
I couldn't bear to leave him.

Marrying me
would have done no good

since I'm not yet
a citizen.

So you married me instead
to stay in the country.

I'm truly sorry, Adam.

I was desperate.

I never meant to hurt you.

I just didn't realize what
a selfish thing I was doing.

The party leaders knew she
was seeing me over here.

If she went back, she would
have been put in prison.

I see.

I would have sought asylum
like mikhail did,

but in order to come
to your country,

i had to sign documents
swearing allegiance to state.

I was afraid your government
would not approve of this.

I knew I shouldn't have
followed Tanya on the ship.

But I just couldn't
help but follow her.

So what happens now?

Tomorrow when we dock,
I'll see lawyer about annulment.

Tanya and I will have to work
this out on our own.

I'm sorry
this had to happen.

So am I.

Adam.

Adam, I would give anything
not to put you through this.

I just hope someday you can find
it in your heart to forgive me.

So, Mr. Kirby,

I see the chairman of the board
and his vice-president

have resolved
their differences.

Completely. She's
coming back to work...

As Mrs. Kirby.

I beg your pardon?

Whoops, um, I mean
Mrs. Lydia foster-Kirby.

So that gossip won't be
a problem anymore?

Right. You might say we've
put those rumors to bed.

Ah, well, it looks like love
really does conquer all.

It sure does.

Isaac, I don't know
how to thank you.

You're a very wise man.

I am?
Well, thank you very much.

It's all in
the line of duty.

Oh, Mr. Willens,
I'm glad I found you.

I wanted you
to have this.

Oh. Well,
thank you very much.

But don't you want it?

Are you kidding?
Those things are dangerous.

No, thank you.

Well, so long, Isaac.

So long.

Doc, how are you holding up?

Well, aside from the fact
that my heart feels like

it's been run over by
a bulldozer, I'm doing okay.

Here comes
the wrecking crew now.

Adam, I will remember
you always.

Well, this is an experience
I won't easily forget, either.

I want you to know
I'll take care of annulment

before I leave country.

You may not be leaving
the country.

The captain has something
to say to you.

Tanya, at Adam's request,

I called a friend of mine
in Washington last night.

After explaining
your situation,

he's arranged for a hearing
to discuss giving you

political asylum here
in the United States.

Oh, captain,
I don't know what to say.

Thank you, Adam.

You're a beautiful man.

I wish you every
happiness in the world.

Both of you.

Thank you, Adam.

What could I ever do
to repay you?

Just make sure her
next marriage lasts forever.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.