05x11 - He's My Brother/Zeke and Zelda/Teach Me

[bunniefuu]

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making
another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something
for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard,
it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Hello.

Hello.

Hi. Emily Parker.

Miss Parker.

Oh, you're on the fiesta deck,
cabin .

Thanks.

Oh!

That's my kind of a book --
"passion at dawn"!

I'm an early riser.

It's not my book.

No, really. I'm a
teacher, and one of my
students gave it to me.

What do you teach?

Sex education.

You can certainly get
an education in that
area on this ship.

Well, I'm afraid I confine my
studies to the classroom.

My students do all the
extracurricular activities.

"Passion at dawn."

Tell me, uh, is this
as exciting as they say?

Nah, it's trash.
Don't bother reading it.

Won't have to.
I'm Michael Scott.

I wrote it.

I hope it's not
an autobiography.

Hello. Welcome aboard.

I'm captain stubing,
and this is my daughter Vicki.

Hello, Vicki.
How are you?

May I show you
your cabin?

Oh, you needn't bother.
We know where it is.

Oh! You've already
taken a cruise?

Why?
Is there one missing?

[ Laughter ]

Howard, I will die
without those cold pills.

Search your pockets.

I will, dear.

I'm sure
I had it here somewhere.

I know I didn't
pack them in my bag.

Hello, I'm Julie McCoy,
your cruise director.

If you need anything at all,
just ask me.

Thank you, dear.

Thank you very much.

Here's a little something
for your thoughtfulness.

Thank you!

Thank you very much...

Mr. and Mrs., uh --

oh, just call us
Zeke and Zelda.

It makes us feel
much younger.

If you have any trouble
figuring out which one is which,

remember, the one with
the girdle is Zeke.

[ Laughs ]

Well, Zeke and Zelda,
can I point you to your cabin?

Oh, that won't
be necessary.

A nice young lady named Vicki
already checked us in.

Oh, well,
then enjoy your cruise.

And thank you for the fruit.

You're welcome.

Bye.

Bye.

I don't understand it.

I thought I put the basket
right there.

There it is.

Howard,
you are so irresponsible.

Oh, gopher, would you mind
taking over for me

for just a few minutes?

I want to take my fruit down to
my cabin before it disappears.

Oh, Fred, oh!

Don't you think the ship
is beautiful?

Looks like
any other ship to me,

except a cruise on this one

is costing me three years
of hard-earned savings.

Oh, come on.
It's not costing that much.

Listen, Nancy, I'm the one
who has to be at work

at : every morning
of my life, not you.

All right, all right,
but we've already paid for it,

so why don't we just try to
enjoy it?

You enjoy it.

And when you are through
enjoying it, I'll take you home,

which is where we should have
stayed in the first place.

Mnh-mnh.

Hello, folks.
Can I help you?

Oh, uh, yes.
Where do I go for the cabin key?

That's Julie McCoy.
She'll be happy to help you.

Okay. Thank you.

You stay right here, Fred.
I'll be right back.

How's it goin', buddy?

Nice day, sir.

Yeah.

Hey, guys...

Yeah.

Fred?

Fred, how are you?

What the hell do you care?

Tell my wife I'll be
out there on deck.

Adam!

Nancy!

Yes!

Did you get the key
to the cabin?

Yes.
Did you s--

let's go to the cabin.

Doc, how'd you ever get
to know a sourpuss like that?

My mother introduced me
to him.

He's my brother.

[ Air horn blows ]

Well, well!
Still reading that trash, I see.

Oh! Mr. Scott, hello.

Please, call me Michael.

And, uh,
what should I call you?

I already know you're
my favorite literary critic.

Emily Parker.

Hey, um, look, I'm sorry about
what I said about your book.

Well, it can't be that bad.
You're still reading it.

Well, it's not exactly
Ernest Hemingway,

but all my students
are reading it,

so I figured
I'd find out why.

And did you find out why?

Yes.
It's a very hot book.

Well, now, you know,

Ernest Hemingway
wrote about sex, too.

Uh, yes, but Ernest Hemingway
wrote about it

in a very artistic way --
not sensational.

Hey, look, Mr. Scott, I'm really
trying to teach my students

that sex can be beautiful
with someone you love,

not just a one-night stand.

Lovely, lovely values,

but, uh, a bit old-fashioned,
don't you think?

Well, do you think
that good writing

is a bit old-fashioned,
too?

[ Clears throat ]

"Making his heart pound
and his blood race wildly,

she pressed her firm,
young body against his."

What's wrong with that?

That happens to be very
passionate, erotic writing.

It also happens to be
very sloppy writing.

It has lousy syntax.

Yeah, well, the people
who read my books

don't care about syntax.

I know -- just sin.

Right. Thank you.

Thank you very much
for the lesson, teach.

Hi.

I see you and the author
are still not getting along.

I don't know what it is,
Julie.

It happens every time --

whenever a man mentions sex,
I get defensive.

That seems strange coming from
a sex-education teacher.

How do you talk
to your students?

That's different.

The only thing they want from me
is good grades.

Zeke, what's gonna happen

if they find out
we didn't pay for this cruise?

Zelda, baby, relax.

The worst they can do
is put us in jail.

At least then we'll have
a roof over our heads.

I still can't believe
we got evicted.

Forget about it, honey.

That drafty old room wasn't good
for your health, anyway.

This is what you need.

This -- sunshine,
fresh air, good food.

I know, but that still doesn't
make what we're doing right.

Oh, wouldn't it be great
if we could do the act again?

Oh, Zeke,
I miss performing.

What are you talking about?
We're still performing.

Only this time the audience
doesn't know it.

Well?

It's nice.

[ Sighing ] Oh.

If you were going
to be like this,

why did you even stay
on the ship

when you saw
Adam was here?

Because I wasn't sure
they'd give us our money back

once we'd already
come onboard.

Oh, I might have known.

The reason behind everything
with you is always money.

That's because I had to earn
every penny I ever got.

My father didn't give me a lot
of money to go to college

like he did my dear brother.

Please don't start
with your father again.

Your father was a nice man.

To my brother, he was nice.

To me, he wasn't always
quite so nice.

Fred, can't you forget things
that happened years ago?

I thought
if you saw Adam again --

you swore to me
five minutes ago

that you didn't know
Adam was on this ship.

You did know!

You knew!

Yes, I knew,
and you know what else I knew?

I knew that your bitterness
towards your brother Adam

has poisoned
your whole life!

But now you're letting it poison
your son's life.

Because I won't send him
to some fancy college,

I'm poisoning my son's life?

If Danny wants to go to college,
he can work for it.

Can we go up on deck now?

Yeah. Sure, we can.
I paid for this cruise.

I'm not gonna let
my stupid brother

keep me from getting
my money's worth.

What a life.

I break my back six days a week
working in a warehouse,

my medical-school brother
earns a living

giving aspirins to pretty
ladies with no clothes on.

Fred, that's enough.

Adam never in his life
did anything to hurt you.

The only thing
you're mad at Adam about

is something your father did --
or you think he did.

Look, I don't want to talk
about it.

Well,
I want to talk about it.

And I want you to talk
about it with Adam,

so I invited him
to join us for a drink.

Then I'm going back
to our cabin.

If you do, I promise you'll
spend the rest of this cruise

in that cabin by yourself.

[ Sighs ]

Here comes Adam.

Hi.

Hi!

Adam, sit down.

Oh, thank you.

Enjoying the cruise so far,
Fred?

Yeah, I was, so far.

It's been a long time since
we've seen each other.

Yeah.

Well...

At these prices,
I might as well get some sun.

Well, you tried, Nancy.

However, sibling rivalry
is one thing,

fratricide is another.

Adam, please don't go.

He thinks
that I don't know

that fratricide
is k*lling your brother.

I do the crossword puzzles
just like the upper class does.

Anyhow, fratricide
isn't always that bad.

Sometimes it's
the only chance you have

to become an only child.

We should have more of these
family reunions.

They're really fun.

Mr. and Mrs. Botworth,
you're at table .

Enjoy your dinner.

Zeke, only
the registered passengers

have their names
on that list.

How are we gonna
get a table?

Honey, will you stop
worrying so much?

You'll spoil your appetite.

Just leave it to me.

Hi, Vicki.

Hi.

Uh, would you happen to know
if anyone on this ship is ill?

You see, I, uh, I'm very
susceptible to germs,

and I want to keep away from
anyone who may be contagious.

Let's see.
Oh, there's Mrs. Van buren.

She has the flu, and Isaac
just brought her a hot toddy.

But don't worry,
because she and her husband

will be having dinner
in their cabin tonight.

Van buren?

Mm-hmm.

Thank you very much,
Vicki. Thank you.

Got it.

[ Humming ]

Hello, Julie.

Oh, hello,
Zeke and Zelda.

Would you be so kind
to show us to our table?

Oh, I'd be happy to,

but I'm afraid I still
don't know your last name.

Van buren.

Van buren, okay.
Let me check.

Oh, yes, here you are.
Van buren --

promenade .

Right -- .

Yes. You're seated at table .
Enjoy your dinner.

Thank you very much.
You're very sweet.

You haven't lost your touch.

You're still the greatest.

Hey, with you as my partner,
how can I miss?

Hi.
Sorry about this afternoon.

Oh, no. It was as much my fault
as it was yours.

I had no right to give you
a critique.

May I join you?

Sure.

Well, I already know
how this one ends --

I always read
the desserts first.

I guess I'm just too sensitive
about my work.

I'm thin-skinned myself.

Your skin may be thin,
but it's very pretty.

You seem to have some definite
opinions about writing.

I was wondering if you wouldn't
mind hearing this page

and giving me some
constructive criticism.

Now,
tell me what you think.

I will.

"He could feel her hot, steamy
breath against his neck,

sending tingles of excitement
down his spine."

[ Clears throat ]

Well, it's not exactly
my cup of tea,

but, uh, I think that
would work better as dialogue.

"Does my hot, steamy breath
against your neck

send tingles of excitement
down your spine?"

I don't know about him,

but I'm gonna have to take
a cold shower.

[ Laughs ]

[ Clears throat ]

[ Clears throat ]

Well, Mr. Bricker, this must be
quite an experience,

seeing your brother
after so long a time.

It really isn't that much
of a thrill, captain.

See, the reason I haven't seen
my brother all these years

is because I haven't been
looking for him.

Is this the proper fork
to use for the salad?

I didn't go
to college, and...

Would you excuse me?

I've got
a bit of a headache.

Headache came on awfully
suddenly, didn't it?

Not really.

I've had this one
for a long time.

Excuse me.

[ Soft piano music plays ]

Zeke, don't you think you're
getting a little carried away,

buying
all of this champagne?

For you, baby [smooches]
only the best.

I'm sorry to spoil
all our fun, but I'm tired.

We still don't have
a place to sleep tonight.

I've been working
on that little problem,

and I think
I've got it licked.

Son, allow me
to shake your hand.

You are truly a master
at the game of love.

I mean, the way that you toyed
with that woman is pure genius.

You've got her eating
out of your hand.

W-What woman?

The woman who has been
staring at you all night.

Don't look. Don't look.

So you see, it's really
a very sad story.

But he spends so much time
with his oil Wells,

he doesn't have any time
for any fun.

Don't -- don't look.

You know who she is? She is
the former miss November.

She is?!

Yes, she is.

Don't look. Don't look.

As he was saying to me
earlier,

"what's the good of having
a few million dollars

if you don't have anybody
to share it with?"

Sure.

Oh, oh, he's coming.

[ Gasps ]

Don't -- don't look.
Don't look.

Now, don't tell him
I said anything.

Okay?

Mm-hmm.

Hi.

Hi.

Would you like to --

I'd love to.

Did you get
her room number?

Promenade .

? That's terrific.

He's just down the hall
in .

I bet one of those rooms
will be available tonight.

You know, you can really
tell a lot about a person

from the way they dance.

Oh, yeah? What can you tell
about me, that I'm a klutz?

No.
I like the way you move.

Very sexy.

It's no wonder
you teach sex education.

[ Chuckles ] You kidding?
Those kids could teach me.

Um...look,
it's been a long day.

I better go.

I don't want to let you go.
One more dance?

Are you kidding?
I'm so tired.

One more dance,
I would collapse in your arms.

I wouldn't mind.

I would.

Still want to edit
my manuscript?

Sure. Why don't you
bring it by my cabin?

Look, please, put it
in a plain, brown wrapper

to protect the innocent.

You really
all that innocent?

Good night, Michael.

[ Door closes ]

Now we gotta find .

Yeah, .

That's .

Here it is -- .

It's locked.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

We seem to have misplaced
our room key.

Would you mind, uh, opening
this door for us?

Fred,
you're all wrong.

I'm not on Adam's side
against you.

It's just that I want you
to start living your life

instead of resenting it.

What are you talking about?
I like my life.

I've got a wife who loves me,
right?

Of course I love you.

And I've got a great son
in Danny.

Danny will be great whether
he goes to college or not.

I just had
a brilliant idea.

What?

Danny is going to go
to college.

Oh, Fred!

And you know who's going to pay
for Danny's college education?

The money's
going to be put up

by the only other college
graduate in our family.

Why would Adam pay
for our son's college?

Don't worry about it.

Oh, and speaking
of the public benefactor,

there he is.

Adam...

Could I see you
for a minute?

I'll catch up with you
in just a minute.

Good evening.

What is this, Fred,
round ?

Adam, um...

[ Sighs ]

I feel like a real jerk
for the way I've treated you.

I mean, you're my one
and only brother.

I just wanted to ask you
to forgive me.

You don't forgive
a brother, Fred.

You just hug him.

[ Knock on door ]

Yeah, who is it?

Michael: Michael.

Michael, hi.

Uh, I wasn't expecting you
till tomorrow.

Well, I thought I'd drop off
the first chapter

of my latest masterpiece.

It may help you fall asleep.

One thing about your books --
they're never boring.

Sordid at times,
but never boring.

Mind if I come in?

We could discuss how sordid
this new one really is.

Um, at this hour?

Patience was never
one of my virtues,

particularly where beautiful
women are concerned.

Please?

Well, maybe
for a little while.

So...

This is how a prim, proper
schoolteacher lives, eh?

It's funny.

It looks exactly like
the cabin

of a decadent paperback writer
I know.

Did I say something wrong?

No. I guess I am a prim,
proper schoolteacher.

On the outside...Maybe.

Deep down, I see a wild,
passionate,

Michael Scott heroine.

You do?

Emily,
I'm crazy about you.

Your hair and eyes,
the scent of your perfume...

Um, Michael, look,
um, I've never --

Emily, Emily...

I'm crazy about you.

Hey, listen, you guys
want to stop reminiscing
for a couple hours

so I could get some sleep?

Go to bed, Isaac. We got
years of catching up to do.

Adam, I want to show you
this picture of Danny

when he was younger, where
he looked exactly like you.

He looked like me?

Well, see for yourself.

He did.

I looked exactly
like that at that age.

[ Chuckles ]

Got your brains, too.

Poor kid.

But...

But what?

He can't go to college

'cause we just don't
have the money.

Isaac, can we have
a couple more of these

before you go?

Certainly.

Adam, remember the time
we chipped in

and bought our first old
secondhand car together,

the one
that wouldn't turn left?

Hey, uh, Fred,

does Danny really
want to go to college?

Well, sure.

But why do you ask?

Well, maybe something
can be arranged.

Cheers?

Cheers.

Michael:
Emily, I was right.

You are a wild, passionate
Michael Scott heroine.

See you later --
Michael.

How about some more orange juice

for two of my favorite
passengers?

Thank you, Isaac.

Here you go, my friend.

There it is.

Fantastic.

Honey, you, uh,
you go ahead and finish.

I've got to go.
I've got a pressing engagement.

A pressing engagement?

Yeah -- your dress
and my suit.

Mrs. Van buren?

Uh, Mrs. Van buren?

Oh -- oh.

Sorry.
Uh, j-just call me Zelda.

To tell you the truth, nobody
ever calls me Mrs. Van buren.

Okay, Zelda.

Uh, could you put
your cabin number down here?

Your husband forgot
to write it down.

Sure.

Sure.

[ Laughs ]

Works every time.

[ Laughs ]

Must be a lot of trouble
keeping these bills straight.

Oh, I can't afford not to.

Any mistakes
come out of my pay.

We're the Van burens.

Would you please tell
the maitre d'

that my wife is feeling
better...

And we'll be at dinner
tonight.

Dinner tonight.
Thank you.

[ Whistling ]

Zeke?

Huh?

I want to have
a serious talk.

You go ahead. I'll be
at the pool getting some sun.

Can't you stop clowning around
for one second?

Sure!

I want to tell you about
this --

time's up.

[ Laughs ] Get it?

It's a big joke --
time's up.

I'm not laughin'.

I just found out that Isaac
might have to foot the bill

for our drinks --
out of his own salary.

Ah, don't worry.

When we get ahold
of some money,

we'll send him
a little something.

No, Zeke. No.
That's not good enough.

There comes a point

when you have to assume
responsibility for your actions.

I know, honey,

but thank heaven I haven't
reached it yet.

Well, I have.

What is that
supposed to mean?

It means if you don't care
how many people you hurt,

then maybe we ought to break up
the act.

[ Laughing ] So anyway,

Adam, who hated liver,
said to mom,

"if Fred has to go to his room
without dinner,

why can't I go to my room
without dinner, too?"

Fred, you've got to tell me,
now --

was doc always the first
in his class

the way he keeps telling
everybody he was?

The only time Adam was first
in his class

was the day that pop dropped him
off to school an hour early.

Come on, you know I was
valedictorian in my class.

I was chosen valedictorian
in my class

because I was the only one
who could spell it.

He doesn't mean he could spell
"valedictorian,"

he means "class."

Well, of course.

Hey, Fred --
hey, Fred?

Do you want to steer
this ship?

You're kidding me.

Captain's a pal of mine.
Huh?

Well, sure.

Follow me if you can keep up.
Come on.

Come on.

Good morning, Mr. Scott.

Hello, miss Parker.

You left before I woke up.

Yeah,
I wanted to freshen up.

Well, why didn't you come back
after you changed?

Where'd you disappear to?

Well, I did some writing.
I like to write in the mornings.

Me too. In fact,

i edited the first chapter
of your book while I was
waiting for you.

It's very good.

Thank you.

You're a fast worker.

So are you.

So...what are we gonna do
today?

Well, uh, I thought I would
check out the ship a bit,

uh, do some more writing,
and maybe see you later.

Maybe see me later?

Yeah.

Well, Michael, what about
last night?

Last night was terrific,

but what's that got to do
with today?

Didn't it mean anything
to you?

Sure it did. It meant a lot,
and I like you a lot.

But that doesn't mean
we have to spend

every second of the day
together.

Well, it obviously didn't mean
the same thing to you

as it did to me.

To me, it was something special
and beautiful,

like I always dreamt
it would be.

Emily, you're acting like

this was the first time
you ever slept with a man.

It was.

Now that you're better,

let's just enjoy the rest
of the cruise.

Easy for you to say.

You didn't have to suffer
through that awful flu.

I wouldn't say that.

Anytime you suffer,
I suffer for you, dear.

Hi, Zeke.
What can I get you?

A new mouth.

This one always keeps saying
the wrong things.

Having problems with the missus,
huh?

You got it.
How'd you know?

Oh, the usual way --
the long face, the sullen look,

and the fact that this is
the first time you two

haven't been together
on the cruise.

Bartender?

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's funny.

This guy just signed your name
on his tab.

I wouldn't worry, Isaac.

There's probably two Van burens
onboard.

In the same cabin?

Oh.

Hi, gopher?

Yeah, do we have two
Mr. and Mrs. Van burens

registered
on the passenger list?

I didn't think so.

No,
some guy just tried to run

the old slink-a-drink scam
on us.

Yeah. Okay, thanks.

Isaac,
what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna report them
to the captain.

Oh,
I-I wouldn't do that.

Of course you wouldn't.

But I would,
because you're too nice a guy

for me to let someone like that
take advantage of you.

Captain?

Yeah.

Emily?

Emily...hi.

We have nothing to say
to each other.

How about "I'm sorry"?

Emily, how was I supposed to
know you were a virgin?

I never met one before.
Why didn't you tell me?

What am I supposed to do,
Michael, wear a badge?

You know, you're just like
everybody else these days.

It was just casual sex
to you.

Loving and caring
don't mean anything anymore.

Wait a minute. This has nothing
to do with my values.

It's yours
that are mid-victorian.

A kiss meant
you were engaged.

And if a man and woman
should sleep together,

why, that meant
they were married.

You sound like
my grandmother.

Yeah? Well, you sound like
a little boy

who's got a lot of growing up
to do.

[ Light music playing ]

Hi.

Feel like some company?

It depends upon
who's asking --

my husband
or Mr. Van buren.

Zelda,
I know you're upset,

and you've got a right
to be,

but believe me, I never meant
to hurt anyone, especially you.

I believe that, Zeke.

But ever since we've been on
this cruise,

you act as if life
is just one big game,

and nobody wins but you.

Is that what you think?

Honey, the only reason I went
through with this charade

was to make you happy.

When we got married, I...

I promised you'd have the best
of everything.

[ Sighs ]

Well, I haven't been able to
give you all I wanted to.

So when I saw a chance for us
to really live it up for once,

i...guess I just got
a little carried away.

But if I did...

It's only
because I love you.

Oh, Zeke...

I love you, too.

But that doesn't change
anything.

I still feel the same way.

[ Chuckles ] I know.

I give you my word --

if we can just get through
the rest of this trip,

I'll never try to freeload
again.

We'll make it somehow.

Emily!

Is anything wrong?

Aw, I'm just having
some romantic problems.

Oh, gee, and you write all those
wonderful love stories.

I may know how to write 'em,

but I sure don't know
how to live 'em.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Here's...to finding
the wonderful brother

I thought I'd lost forever.

[ Voice breaking ]
Adam, you must forgive me...

I'm just suddenly
not feeling well.

Hey, Nancy, wait a minute.
I am a doctor, you know.

Adam, just sit down.
I'm fine, honestly.

I mean, I just don't feel
so hot, but I'm not sick.

You know, I'm just going to go
back to our cabin

and lie down for --
excuse me.

Fred,
should I go after her?

No.

Uh, no.
She'll be fine. Sit.

Well, okay.

Anyway, here's to finding
the wonderful brother

I've always --

Adam, uh, maybe I'd better
go check on her.

I'll be right back,

or else I'll see you
in the morning.

Here's to finding the wonderful
brother who'll be right back,

or else who I'll see
in the morning...

Or something.

Hello, Emily.

Goodbye, Michael.

Now, wait, wait.
Don't -- don't go away again.

I-i-I've written something,
and I'd like to read it to you.

I want to know
how you feel about it.

Look, Michael, my editing days
are over.

Why don't we just
leave well enough alone

and forget the whole thing,
okay?

No, it's not okay. You said
you'd help me with my writing.

I'm gonna hold you
to that promise.

Oh, I don't believe you.

Now, listen to this.

"He'd never felt this way
before.

"He'd experienced something
with her

"he never dreamed existed,
and it was so simple.

"All it was...

"Was loving and caring for
someone,

"wanting to share with her,

"give to her.

"He wanted to be with her
always.

"'I love you,' he said,

and there were tears in his eyes
when he said it."

It's beautiful, Michael.

I'm glad you like it.

In fact, it may be the nicest
thing you've ever written.

It'll make
a wonderful book.

No, uh, uh, this...
This isn't a book.

I...wrote this about you.

[ Sighs ] I felt the same way
you did this morning.

I-I was just afraid.

Okay, it might have been
your first time,

but it was a first for me,
too.

It was the first time I ever
felt this way about anybody.

I love you, Emily.

Nancy?

Yes?

Hi, honey.

What's the matter?

Someone from the ship's office
called.

So what's so terrible
about that?

Unless they called to tell us
we're sinking.

No.

They called because they wanted
information about Danny.

Why would the ship's office
want information about Danny?

Apparently because
your rich brother,

the brother who's rolling
in money, according to you,

has applied for a loan to send
your son through college.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

You're kidding.

You're kidding
your own brother.

Honey, look,
I've got a brother

who's been married
a lot of times,

so maybe he has to pay
a lot of alimony.

Anyway, they wouldn't even
give him a loan

unless they're sure
he could pay it back.

It's the wealthy people

who make all of the loans
from banks for tax purposes

and things like that.

It's the poor people like us

who are afraid to ask the banks
for anything.

It's true.

Zeke, there's something else
you have to take care of.

That's the business
with Isaac.

I was thinking of
the same thing.

I'll go and talk to him

and make some arrangements
to pay him back.

That's the Zeke I love.

Pardon me.
I'm -- I'm sorry.

I'm terribly sorry
about this mix-up.

Isaac, if these are
the real Van burens,

then somewhere on this ship,
there are two imposters.

Zeke and Zelda?

I can't believe it.
They're such charming people.

But they're stowaways,

and even charming stowaways
cannot be excused.

I'm afraid they will have to pay
the Piper.

Knowing them, they'll probably
just sign his tab.

Zelda...

Uh-oh.
What happened?

Forget it.
It's too late.

I guess the show is over early,
huh?

Excuse me.

It is.

Maybe -- maybe not.
Maybe not.

Uh...

Do you -- do you guys know,
uh, "for me and my gal"?

You do?
Hit it, please.

[ Mid-tempo introduction plays ]

♪ The bells are ringin' ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

♪ the birds are singin' ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

♪ everybody's been knowin' ♪

♪ to a wedding
they're goin' ♪

♪ and for weeks
they've been sewin', ♪

♪ every susie and sal ♪

♪ they're congregating ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

♪ the captain's waiting ♪

♪ for you and your gal ♪

♪ and sometime we're gonna build
a little home for two ♪

♪ or three or four or more ♪

♪ in loveland ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

[ Instrumental solos ]

[ Applause ]

♪ And sometime we're gonna build
a little home for two ♪

♪ or three or four or more ♪

♪ in loveland ♪

♪ for me and my gal ♪

[ Applause ]

[ Laughing ]

I'm sorry.

That's okay, Zeke.

Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.

You know,
it's been over years

since we've done
that number.

Yeah, she's right.

And we would especially
like to thank captain stubing,

this gentleman here,

a man
with a heart of gold.

[ Applause ]

Not only -- not only
was he generous enough

to let us perform for you
tonight,

but he also invited us
to travel free

as guests
of the cruise line.

So let's, uh --
let's hear it for the captain.

Let's hear it, folks.
Come on.

One of the greatest captains
in the whole world!

For the captain.

That's it, take a bow.

Take another bow.

One of the great captains.

You're dynamite.

Dynamite.

[ Applause continues ]

[ Knock on door ]

Oh, boy.

Mm...be right there.

Hold on.

Oh, gee.

Fred.
Is Nancy all right?

Oh, she's fine.

Can I come in?

Yeah.
Please come in.

Oh, boy,
what time is it?

It's : in the morning.

I couldn't sleep.

That's funny. I could.

Adam, I've got to talk
to you.

Yeah.
You want to sit down, Fred?

No, no.

Sit?

W-What's the trouble?

The trouble is me.

First of all...

I just want to tell you
that the last two days,

being with you...

Have been the greatest days
of my life.

They've been two great days
for me, too, Fred.

I know.

That's why I feel so ashamed
of myself.

I've been playing you
for a sucker.

What?

I wanted you to pay for sending
my son through college

because I thought that you
and pop cheated me

by sending you to college
and not me.

I know.

You knew all this time that I
resented your going to college?

Oh, Fred, if your only brother
won't talk to you for years,

it begins to sink in
something's wrong.

The truth is...

I thought I wasn't a success
in my life,

and I wanted somebody
to blame it on.

And you were
the closest one.

I just hope you'll always let me
be one of the closest ones.

[ Voice breaking ]
You are, Adam.

And I love you for wanting
to do it,

but I'll send my own son
through college.

Mr. and Mrs. Van buren,
allow me to apologize again

for the inconvenience
we've caused you.

Oh,
that's quite all right.

At least the sea air
cleared up my cold.

[ Sneezes ]

Oh, am I going to have to put up
with that

all the way home?

Sorry, dear.

Well, miss Parker, did you ever
finish reading that book?

No, gopher,
I didn't have time.

But I did start something
much better.

Looks like you were able to
patch things up after all.

Our story had
one or two rocky scenes,

but, uh, we decided to try
a rewrite.

And this version has
a very happy ending.

Well,
good luck to you guys.

Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

So long.

Skipper?

Yes?

Captain, uh,
we're awfully sorry

we pulled that fast one on you
last night.

We had no right to do it.

And, Isaac, we owe you
an apology, too.

And we're willing to accept
the consequences

for everything we've done.

I'm afraid
it's out of my hands.

I've already sent
my recommendation

to the cruise line.

I've decided to go along
with Isaac's suggestion

that you two should be booked...

As a regular act
on one of our ships.

You -- you mean you want us
to work again?

You don't think we'd let an act
like yours slip away, do you?

No...no, we --

oh...oh, Zeke,
ain't it wonderful?

It's terrific.

I-I don't know what to say,
captain.

I really --
we owe you so much.

Don't worry.

We'll just take it out of
your first paycheck.

[ Both laugh ]

Bye.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Adam, I can't tell you
how happy I am

that you and Fred
have made up --

I mean really made up.

I'm happy, too, Nancy.

The first chance I get, I want
to meet my look-alike nephew.

I want him to meet you,
too,

because I'm proud of both
of you, Adam.

You know,
it just occurred to me --

because I've been so jealous
before,

I have never called you
doctor.

So goodbye, doctor.

I usually like to maintain
my professional dignity,

but...since you are my brother,

call me "doc."

So long, doc.