05x02 - The Expedition/Julie's Wedding/The Mongala/Julie's Replacement/The Three R's/T...

[bunniefuu]

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat
theme"]

Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're
expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it
floats back to you.

Love boat soon will
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love!

Welcome aboard, it's love!

Captain stubing
(On loudspeaker):

Good morning, passengers.

We're now arriving at
the port of noum a,

the capital of new
caledonia, also known

as the Paris of the pacific.

We hope you enjoy
your day in port.

[Music playing]

This is really fantastic.

I mean, this beats
a rush hour any day!

Oh, Dr. Spicer with
such a great idea!

Thanks, but if you
remember, my suggestion was

for a bicycle built for two.

Yeah, I do remember.

That's why I suggested
we bring the whole group.

Hey captain, turn left
at this next corner.

No, man.

We're going right up here.
- No!

No, man, we're going right.

Give me a hacksaw.

I'll turn left and right!

Captain stubing (on
loudspeaker): Attention sea

Princess passengers--

we hope you enjoy your afternoon
here in noum a as we present

these fine melanesian
dancers performing

their ancient tribal dance.

[Tribal music]

[Applause]

[Tribal music]

[Applause]

Guess who?

Raquelle, I told you never
to sneak up on me like that.

You've got to see my
dress for Julie's wedding.

What do you think?

It's lovely.

You'll be the prettiest
bridesmaid there.

But dad, I'll be the
only bridesmaid there.

That's understandable.

What girl would want
that kind of competition?

Look at this-- at the top it
has the lace, and so the lace

goes around the front.

It's really you.

Yeah.

Look at that one!

Oh, it's like being
in a giant aquarium!

Ralph Sutton: Yes, well I'm glad
I don't have to clean the t*nk.

What are these?

I wonder what you call them?

Ralph Sutton: I think the
technical term is fish.

There we are.

Oh, those are the
strangest looking fish!

I tell you, one of them
looks just like my uncle Larry.

Oh, hi!

Hi.

Isn't this fantastic?

Wait-- wait a minute.

If that's the aquascope,
I'm not going in anything

that looks that weird.

Well, I'm going.

All right, just--
just a second, guys.

I'll be right back.

Wait a minute, me too!

I love weird!

Huzzah!

Take your time!

Hi, miss carroll.

Hi, doc.

Is something wrong?

Remember our deal?

Deal?

Oh yes!

Is some Romeo bothering you?

I'm afraid that Juliet
is bothering Romeo.

Oh?

Well I think he likes me,
but I've never gone after a man

before.

Well, this might
be the time to start.

Why don't you just
tell him how you feel?

I'm afraid that
if I talk to him,

the words just won't
come out right.

Well then, don't talk to him.

You're an English teacher.

Give yourself a
composition assignment.

Write to him.

Thank you, doc.

You're a sweetheart.

Barbara carroll (voiceover):
My dearest Ralph, I know

my actions may be libelous.

I think I love you very much.

Please come to my
cabin this evening.

I have so much to tell you.

Captain stubing
(On loudspeaker):

This is the last call.

All visitors to shore, please.

We will be leaving
noum a in five minutes.

Would you hand this to that
gentleman standing over there,

please?

Yes, ma'am.

For you, sir.

Hi, I'm back.

Hi.

Um, you know, a man
could go blind trying

to read this handwriting.
Do you mind?

Oh, sure!

Ralph, dear, I, uh,
feel a little awkward.

It's from that lady
friend of yours, Barbara.

Barbara.

I'm surprised.

I-- i-- it's ok.

Well, Ralph, I hate to be
the bearer of bad tidings,

but she says she never
wants to see you again.

Well, that's pretty
direct, isn't it?

Captain stubing
(On loudspeaker):

We are now leaving noum a.

We expect clear
sailing all the way

to our destination of Sydney.

Julie and Tony.

Shipmates forever.

Well done, Isaac.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Down, Isaac.

You just bought it,
you didn't make it.

It's a beautiful wedding gift.

Julie is going to love it.

Thank you, doc.

Isaac, wait a second.

Don't worry, I put
everybody's name on it.

See?

From captain stubing,
doc, gopher, Vicki--

I forgot my name.

Milo, darling.

Hello.

I am in such a good mood today.

I bought myself a
brand new wristwatch.

What do you think?

Vivian--

now don't spoil
it for me, Milo.

Please.

Anyway, if I'm going to be
the wife of a millionaire,

I have to fit the part.

If you're going to be
the wife of a millionaire,

you're going to have to
find another husband.

What are you saying?

He's a fake, Vivian.

It's all a hoax.

He's got a smallpox vaccination.

You're not making sense.

I just examined our discovery,
the mongala, the missing link.

He's got a vaccination
Mark on his left arm.

It's barely visible,
but it's there.

You're positive?

Vivian, I know
you're not impressed

with my academic standing,
but I know a vaccination Mark

when I see one.

What did donner have to say
when you told him about it?

I didn't tell him.

I felt like such a jackass.

I didn't say anything.

Good.

You're not going to.

Look, if the eminent
professor Milo

endler and his
brilliant research team

can be fooled, then so can
thousands of ordinary people,

at least long enough for
us to make a small fortune.

You want me to
go ahead with this?

Yes, I do.

Milo endler: Vivian, you
realize what you're saying?

Yes.

Milo, I'm saying that if
you're going to throw away

this opportunity
for us after years

of living on your meager
salary, you'll be living alone.

I mean it, Milo.

I mean it.

Excuse me.

Hey doc, can I
get you something?

Yeah, some pest spray.

There's a certain gopher
I'd like to get rid of.

Oh, you guys just
fighting over Yvonne, huh?

You've got it.

She invited both of us
to stay at her house

for a couple of days.

I mean, gopher and I are
close, but not that close.

Well, why don't you try a
little reverse psychology?

Such as?

Well, go up to gopher and
say, listen, I've been thinking.

We both can't go
out with Yvonne,

so why don't you take her?

Yeah.

And gopher, being the
suspicious character that he

is, will think that
something's fishy,

and he'll say, no, why
don't you take her?

And then I get to take her?

Right.

Isaac, that's the
oldest trick in the book!

Well it wouldn't be in
the book if it didn't work.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.
- Hi, guys!

Hey, goph!

Gopher, I've been thinking--

now if both of us can't
go out with Yvonne,

so why don't you take her?

Ok, doc.

Thanks!

Got any other great ideas?

Yeah.

Take two aspirin and
call me in the morning.

Barbara, I'm sorry.

If I said--

no, please, Ralph.

I'm the one who
should apologize.

That note I sent you--

I should've realized
you're a man

who doesn't like to be pursued.

I shouldn't have tried it.

Tried what?

Tried inviting you
to my room last night.

Last night?

Ralph, you don't
have to play innocent.

You did get my note.

Well, certainly I did.

Well you can read, can't you?

Shh.

Don't be afraid.

I just brought you
something to eat.

Here.

Look at you, locked
up like that.

We should have left you in the
jungle where you could just

live your life and be free.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You know, sometimes
you have a look

in your eyes like inside you,
there's something gentle.

They say the eyes are
the mirrors of the soul,

don't they?

- Captain.
- Pass.

Here's your oj.

All right, thank you, Isaac.

These are for you.

Thank you.

Captain, I haven't
seen you all day today.

One of the few drawbacks
to my job, Mrs. Endler.

Is something wrong?

No.

No, actually, I was just
wondering where Milo is.

Oh, I saw him earlier
on the way to the hole.

There were some examinations.

Ah, here he is!

Professor endler,
I'm curious to know

what you found in your
examination of the mongala.

I found quite a bit, captain.

Are you ready for a surprise,
or perhaps a better word

would be shock?

I'm not sure.

I found that while the mongala
outwardly appears to be human,

he has many traits and
physical characteristics

of the earlier primates.

On this, I'll stake
my reputation.

We have found the missing link.

Congratulations.

Oh, doc, I'm glad I found you.

You know, this decision about
Yvonne has been bothering me.

Ah, gopher, I always know
you're a man of integrity.

Yeah, well, I wanted
to ask you a question.

Uh, what's a fair way of
deciding who goes with Yvonne?

No.

Which aftershave do you think
I should wear to her house?

Ralph.

Ralph.

You haven't heard
one word I've said.

I'm sorry, it's not you.

To be perfectly
honest, I can't seem

to get my mind off Barbara.

Barbara?

That little schoolmarm?

She's a warm, lovely,
very sensitive woman.

I think I'm in love with her.

I just wish I knew what I did
to make her so angry with me.

It's eating me up.

I didn't realize.

What's that?

Nothing.

Barry renner:
Where are we going?

I just want to check the hall
to make sure he's all right.

He's so helpless in that
cage, so vulnerable.

This is crazy, Jill.

I swear, I think you've
got a thing for that guy.

That's nonsense, Barry.

So, how's the world's most
prized possession tonight?

Listen Donald, let's
call this thing off.

I can't go through with it.

Now don't lose
your nerve, son.

Won't be long before
we're both rich!

I don't care about
the money anymore.

I hate myself for
deceiving these people.

I know.

Immoral, ain't it?

Yes it is.

Then there's Jill.

You can forget about her.

She's not going to be able to
help you when you're in prison.

What do you mean?

I'm not a fool, lad.

You blow this deal,
the police are

going to find out
all about the money

you embezzled back in Sydney.

Now look.

You embezzled that money.

I had nothing to do with it.

Yeah, well somehow,
I don't think

they're going to believe you.

Not after they find the
incriminating evidence

I carefully hid in your
apartment-- a few bills here

and there, key to the cash
box, your fingerprints on it.

All right, you win.

I'll play it your way.

Well, can you do me a favor?

Can you loosen these
up for a few minutes?

They're cutting
off my circulation.

Well, all right.

Just for a minute.

Wouldn't want you
to get too spoiled.

Deke, you all right?

Yeah.

That bloody beast
tried to k*ll me.

Come on.

There you are.

You!

What's going on?

It's the mongala.

Well, what happened?

No.

A million dollars
worth of shark food.

Captain stubing (on
loudspeaker): Good morning.

This is the captain.

We are now entering
Sydney harbor.

All passengers should be filling
out their customs declarations.

We sincerely hope you
have enjoyed your cruise.

Doc: Hi, Barbara.

Hi.

Whatever happened with Romeo?

I'm afraid that
in this version,

he doesn't fall in
love with Juliet.

Aw, well I'm sorry.

Well, where are you off to now

well, my plane doesn't
leave for a few hours.

I thought that I'd go into
Sydney and take some pictures.

Well your best bet
is the opera house.

The views are magnificent.

Thank you, doc.

And thanks for everything else.

Ah.

Ralph, hold on.

How would you like to go sight
seeing with me in Sydney?

I'm sorry, love.

I'm really not much in
the mood for it right now.

Please?

I'd hate to have to go alone.

Besides, there's some place
I'm dying to take you.

All right, what the deuce.

I really didn't have
anything better to do.

Good!

Hello.

Milo, wait.

You weren't going to leave
without me, were you?

Vivian, I'm never going
to be a millionaire,

and you're never going to be
happy as a scientist's wife.

There's no point in us going on.

Nothing has changed.

You're wrong, Milo.

I've changed.

When you kept quiet about
the mongala being a hoax,

I realized then how much
you really love me, and i--

I also realized how
unworthy I am of that love.

I made the most
decent, honorable man

I know compromise himself.

Would you think you could
find a way to forgive me?

Forgive you?

Vivian, I love you.

And I promise never to get so
caught up in studying the past

that I'll forget our present.

Well, professor, I hope
your next expedition turns

out to be better than this one.

I don't think that's
possible, captain.

I found something this trip
that will last me a lifetime.

I want to thank you,
captain, for helping

me find out that I really
had what I wanted all along.

Goodbye, Mrs. Endler.

Goodbye.

Bye, sir.

Captain.

I had everything planned
that I wanted to say,

but now the words
just won't come out.

I know.

Goodbyes aren't easy.

I knew it was over
between us the first time

I saw you with that mongala.

It was just something between
you that we never had.

Some kind of chemistry.

Goodbye, Jill.

Take care, Barry.

Police officer: Deke donner?

What's it to you?

New south wales police.

You're under arrest.

The charge is embezzlement.

That's ridiculous.

Now easy, mate.

We've got a ton of evidence
against you, which I'm count--

thanks, captain.

You're a real model
bonds of blokes.

Well, I hope that's good.

Well, dad, I think what
Yvonne's trying to say

is that the cruise was hot
and she enjoyed it to the Max.

Have I?

Your American expressions
are very strange.

Now, doc, have you seen gopher?

I can't wait to take
him home to show off

my China plate and Billy lids.

Oh, great.

China plate.

Here it is.

Husband or mate!

Right!

It's rhyming slang.

China plate-- mate,
Billy lids-- kids.

You're married and have kids?

I thought you were
a real wowzer!

I am, doc.

Wowzer means no drinking,
no smoking, very proper.

All set.

Let's go then, shall we?

Don't wait up for me.

Hey, why don't you let
me help you with that?

Ah, thank you.

It is kind of--

heavy.

It is, isn't it?

Is anything wrong?

No, it's just--

have we ever met before?

Have you spent
much time in Sydney?

Not really.

Then I guess we couldn't
have met, could we?

I guess not.

It's just-- there's
something about your eyes.

My eyes.

They say the eyes are
the mirrors of the soul,

aren't they?

What?

Well, it's an expression.

The eyes are the
mirrors of the soul.

Yes.

I've heard that before.

May I give you a lift?

It sure is an impressive
place, isn't it, Ralph?

Hmm.

Look, Connie, I'm sorry,
but I'm afraid that my mind

is somewhere else right now.

I know, Ralph.

But there's one very
special attraction here

which I think you ought to see.

Hello, love.

Ralph.

Well, I'm glad to see some
shipboard romances last.

Yes, some do.

Let's hope that it's
yours and Ralph's.

You both deserve it.

I-- I don't understand.

I'd better let Ralph explain.

I don't have a very good
reputation as an interpreter.

Good luck.

I, um, I looked all over for
you, but you'd already gone.

I didn't think you cared.

I do, Barbara, very much.

But when Connie read
me your note saying

you never wanted
to see me again--

I didn't write that.

Connie read you my note?

Yes.

Somebody had to.

I don't know how to read.

I left school when I was a
lad to help support my family.

When the ranch began to pay
for itself, I tried to go back.

I was so much older
than the other chaps.

I was embarrassed.

It was hard.

No teacher could give me the
extra time I needed, so I quit.

I've never been back.

The glasses you
always forgot, the menu

you pretended to read--

tricks.

They're all tricks.

I was ashamed to tell
anyone, least of all you.

I love you, Barbara.

Ralph, you'll never
have to be ashamed again,

because I'm a teacher
who's willing to spend all

the time in the world with you.

Captain stubing: Isn't this
countryside beautiful, Vicki?

Yeah, dad, but
why are we driving

on the wrong side of the road?

We're not, Vicki.

We're driving on the right side
of the road, because down here,

the left side of the
road is the right side.

Let's hope he drives
better than he talks.

Vicki stubing: I'm so excited.

I can't wait to see Julie!

Surprise!

Aw!

Hey, how you doing?

All right.

Hey, congratulations.

Thank you!
Hi!

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Oh, I'm so glad
you guys came here.

In a couple of years
when everybody asks you,

whatever happened
to Julie McCoy?

You be sure and
tell them about it.

Yeah!

I'm sure you're going to
love your new life here, Julie.

Yeah, and if anybody ever
asks me what happened to you,

I'll have my answer
in full color.

Well, let me show
you some of my animals.

Yeah!

Anyone know what these
charming creatures are called?

Well of course.

I'd know an ostrich anywhere!

No, doc, those are emus.

Like I said, i'd
know an emu anywhere.

They're actually very similar.

Like the ostrich, the emu
can run at tremendous speeds.

Well if I looked
like that, I'd want

to be able to run fast too.

Oh daddy, he's adorable.

He is cute, isn't he?

He's a she.

Her name is Elizabeth,
and she's my favorite.

Aw.

Hello, Elizabeth!

I think I'll try that.

They certainly move
quickly, don't they?

Julie McCoy:
Actually, they can hop

at a speed of miles an hour
when they're being pursued.

Some kangaroos grow to
six, even seven feet tall

and weigh to pounds.

Hey!

Julie McCoy: Did
you know that koalas

will eat only the top
leaves of certain kinds

of eucalyptus trees?

Look at this!

Captain stubing: Look
at that little baby.

Julie McCoy: Look at that.

Oh, they're so cute!

Their hind legs are
really powerful,

and they use their tail
for support and balance.

It's so soft.

Vicki stubing: They're like
little stuffed Teddy bears!

Julie McCoy: They're marsupials.

And like the
kangaroos, the mother

carries her young in her pouch.

Kangaroos!

I've never fed a
kangaroo before.

Careful, Isaac.

They don't bite, do they?

No, no, no.

The females are very gentle.

[Ticking sound]

They sure do
make a weird noise.

Oh sorry, that's me.

I set my watch alarm.

My brother David's a
doctor, and he insists

that I take one of
these nasty little pills

exactly on the hour.

Is anything wrong?

Nothing that a
matrimony won't cure.

I predict a complete
recovery within hours.

Do we have to wait that long?

Hello, mates.

Hey, good to see you, goph.

Did you have a good
time with Yvonne?

Aw man, incredible.

Those Billy lids of
hers just warm me up.

Yeah, kids will
do that to you.

Wait a minute, you guys--

you knew, right?

Well sure.

Isaac and I tried to
tell you to bone up

on your Australian slang, right?

Come on, let's
go inside, drongo,

and we'll show you
where to stand.

Drongo, huh?

I kind of like that.
What does it mean?

Pal?

No, it means fool.

I'd better check on Tony.

Julie, just stay calm.

Don't be nervous.

Everything's going
to be all right.

I'm fine, sir.

Yes, I know.

But just in case,
hold my arm tightly

when we go down the aisle.

But I'm fine!

I know.

I might faint.

I don't understand why
David isn't here yet.

It's not like him,
leaving his only brother

waiting at the altar.

Well David is a doctor.

Maybe he had an emergency.

I've got an emergency.

I've got to marry
that poor girl quickly

before she dies of
excitement at the thought

of becoming Mrs. Tony selkirk.

Well isn't that David now?

Finally.

Go on inside, doc.

I'll be there right away.

Ok.

David, where have you been?

Delaying my marriage the
loveliest girl in the world

is carrying sibling
rivalry a little too far.

Tony, hang on.

I have to tell you something.

[Children's choir singing]

[Inaudible]

[Music - "here comes the bride"]

Come before me to be united
in the holy bonds of matrimony.

The solemn and serious
step you're about to take--

you're about to take
each other for better

or for worse, for richness
or poverty, joy or sorrow.

Um, I'm sorry, I can't.

I can't go through
with this, Julie.

I'm sorry.

[Chatter]

David?

Tony!

Leave me alone, David.

Tony!

I love you.

[Car engine revving]

Ah, Tony's too nice a guy
to pull something like this.

I'm sure he'll have
an explanation.

Oh, I'm sure he will, if
anybody can ever find him.

Yeah.

I wonder where he could be.

Well if his brother
knows, he isn't saying.

Frankly, I don't
care where he is.

You guys are such good friends.

If a girl has to be left
standing at the altar,

I can't think of
any nicer people

to be left standing with.

Voice (on loudspeaker): Flight
from Sydney to Los Angeles

is now ready for boarding.

Passengers, please
report to gate .

So that's us.

You going to be all right?

Of course.

Are you lying?

Of course.

Oh, you'll like California.

You can go to Disneyland.

Have you ever been to Disney--

excuse me.

Julie, may I have a word
with you alone, please?

Sure.

Excuse me.

I heard from Tony.

Where is he?

Never mind, I don't
really care where he is.

Well, whether you care
or not, he had this letter

delivered to me by messenger.

It was a note asking
me not to give

it to you until we took off.

I don't want to read it.

What could he say
to me in a letter?

Maybe right.

Why don't you take
it, in case you

do decide you want to read it?

Tony selkirk (voiceover):
My darling Julie,

as I've told you, my
brother David was always

the serious one in the family.

I remember telling you
that when, as a child,

I wanted to go out
and play, David would

always insist I did my lessons.

Well, my love, David is becoming
more of a drudge than ever.

When I wanted to go and marry
the most wonderful woman

in the world, David
threw a dagger on it,

telling me that I'm dying,
and there's not a damn thing

that can be done about it.

I wanted to go through
with the ceremony anyway,

because I love you so much, but
I suddenly loved you even more,

so I ran away.

I'm still running, Julie.

So please, don't try to find me.

Instead, always be the Julie
that I fell deeply in love

with, lovely and full of life.

Goodbye, darling.

I've gone to do my lessons.

Captain, Tony, he--

shh.

You can tell me later.

Captain (on loudspeaker):
Ladies and gentlemen, we

hope you enjoyed your flight.

We'll be landing at los
Angeles international

airport in just a few minutes.

It's sunny and degrees.

How's Julie?

She's great.

You see how she's been mothering
those two Australian kids who

are traveling by themselves?

Boy, whatever you call
it, courage or guts,

no one has it
anymore than Julie.

And no one is going to
need it more than Tony.

There you go, Ellie.

You look so pretty.

Thank you, Julie.

You look pretty too.

Aw.

Ok, Ricky, now it's
time to spruce you up

or your aunt and
uncle in la just may

leave you in the baggage claim.

Let me fix your tie.

There you go.

Well, you young travelers
seem to be doing fine.

And how about you, Julie?

Well, I'm trying, sir.

I'm trying.

[Theme music playing]