04x23 - The Duel/Two for Julie/Aunt Hilly

[bunniefuu]

[THEME TUNE STARTS]

♪ Love

♪ Exciting and new

♪ Come aboard

♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love

♪ Life's sweetest reward

♪ Let it flow

♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat

♪ Soon will be
making another run

♪ The Love Boat

♪ Promises
something for everyone

♪ Set a course for adventure

♪ Your mind on a new romance

♪ And love

♪ Won't hurt anymore

♪ It's an open smile

♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love

♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪

Excuse me, I am
Elvira Monteverde.

Miss Monteverde.

Ah! You are on...
Promenade Deck, cabin .

Thank you, and this is Señor
Carlos José Ramon Raoul...

Sebastián Battista Ramirez.

Ah-ha. Uh...

And you are in the
adjoining cabin. All of you.

Gracias.

Is there a place aboard where I
can practice with my fencing swords?

- Swords?
- Mm-hm.

- There's a gymnasium on the sun deck.
- Splendid.

We have been engaged
for three years, Carlos,

and you have always found an
excuse for not getting married.

But I warn you, if you start
once more with another woman,

you will need no excuses,
because I will find another man.

I hope she doesn't mean that,

because if she found another
man, of course I will have to k*ll him.

Of course.

JULIE: Hello.

Hi, welcome aboard. I'm Julie
McCoy, your cruise director.

I'll be delighted to accept
any directions you give.

Oh!

That ought to get your
undivided attention.

Forget him, I'm the
right man for you.

MAN: Please forgive
them, Miss McCoy.

It's the price one has to pay for
dealing with creative geniuses.

- I'm Hollis Whitcomb.
- Hello. How do you do?

- Mr. Bartley, Mr. Marciano.
- How do you do?

What do these geniuses create?

Toys, Miss McCoy. Educational,
entertaining and the world's finest.

I'm Alan. Shall we
say dinner at eight?

I'm Don. I saw you
first. How about : ?

HOLLIS: Please
accept one, Miss McCoy.

I don't want to be
stuck with both of them.

Oh, well... Alan did ask first.

Right. Come on you two.

- I'll see you at eight.
- Uh-huh.

But you'll run away with
me afterwards, right?

Right after dinner. [CHUCKLES]

I'm so excited!
I can't stand it!

I'm finally going to
meet my Great Aunt Hilly!

Relatives can be fun!

And sometimes so can strangers.

- How am I going to recognize her?
- Well, that's easy.

Wherever there's a
crowd, there's Aunt Hilly.

The caviar goes into the
lounge for the bon voyage party.

Take the silk
sheets into the cabin

then make up the beds, or
the hammocks, or whatever.

Oh, Merrill!

How wonderful to see you!

Aunt Hilly.

And can this beautiful
young woman be Vicki?

- How do you do?
- Oh! She is a dear!

Ooh, but I want you both to meet
Colonel Van Ryker, my dearest husband.

- How do you do?
- My pleasure, sir.

I've always been a helpless
admirer of all the Stubing ladies.

Thank you.

Your bon voyage party is already in
high gear. There must be people there.

Only ? I must be slipping.

- But your son hasn't arrived yet.
- Conrad?

- I can't wait to meet him.
- That'll have to wait for another time.

The poor boy couldn't make it, a
business meeting or something.

Come along, Vicki. You'll
be the guest of honor.

Good old Hilly. I have a feeling
Vicki will never be the same again.

I have a feeling
you may be right.

[HORN BLASTS]

Oh, Alan, thank
you. They're beautiful.

Well, not while you're holding them,
my dear. They pale by comparison.

That's a good line. I got to remember
that. "They pale by comparison."

JULIE: Alan, you know Isaac, and this
is Gopher Smith, our assistant purser.

They're both leaving.

Who said anything
about leaving? I've got...

Come on, Gopher, I want to show
you the new bar towels. You'll love them.

Eight o'clock is just too
long to wait, Julie. I couldn't.

You're so sweet. Oh...

Here we go. A little
gift from the first team.

Don, do you mind? Julie and I are
trying to have a private conversation...

Thanks. I won't be but a minute.

- Oh, Don, you're crazy!
- Sad, isn't it?

We've been trying to
get him a brain transplant.

The poor guy has nothing for a
trade-in. By the way, your minute is up.

- I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
- No, no, not at all.

Good, good. Alan, I would
like to see you in my cabin.

I just had a call
from production.

There's some question about
your remote control spaceship.

Oh, listen, Alan, you'd better
go. Don't worry about a thing.

Julie and I won't budge from
this spot, I give you my word.

- I won't take no for an answer...
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]

You can call Binky, and fly
down with him in his private jet.

Oh, Vicki. Come in. Please.

Thank you.

I just wanted to thank you for
inviting me to your sailing party.

Was that man I met really
an honest-to-goodness duke?

He's a duke, all right, but as
for the honest-to-goodness...

I wish my cousin Conrad had
come with you. What's he like?

- My son? He's nice.
- What does he do?

Something in
plastics, or factories.

- That sort of thing.
- Do you have a picture of him?

I'm sure we do somewhere.

It'll probably take us the
rest of the cruise to unpack.

Know who that is?

Your grandmother.

You know, there's a family
resemblance between you two.

You really think so?

- I want you to have it.
- Oh, no, I couldn't.

- I insist.
- My very own grandmother!

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

- May I go show my dad?
- Of course.

That was a lovely
gesture, Hilly.

She is such a sweet child.

Poor thing! No one but
Merrill to take care of her.

And he seems to be doing
a remarkably good job.

Oh, I'm sure he's
doing the best he can,

but running a ship
can't give him much time.

She needs special attention.

Please, Hilly, don't
get too involved.

We cannot stay
on this ship forever.

Oh, I know, Larry.

And neither should Vicki.

I meant what I said, Carlos.

I will find another man if you
continue looking at all those girls...

Now, now, such foolish notions.

You must be tired. Why
don't you take a little nap?

Maybe I should.
What will you do?

I'll just sit here, get
some sun, read my book.

- OK.
- You go ahead.

- Bye.
- See you later.

Good afternoon.

Forget it!

He's going to get it!

Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi, Miss Montevideo.

- Uh... Monteverde.
- Please call me Elvira.

Elvira? Where's your
friend with the swords?

Oh, who cares?

I was hoping that you would
show me around your pretty ship.

Me? And you? I
can't, I'm a bleeder!

I mean, I'm busy. I'm a
purser and I have to go purse.

I could do the honors.

I'm Adam Bricker, the ship's
doctor and fully licensed native guide.

Let's go this way.

I want everyone to see what
a good looking man I'm with.

Wait, you and Alan are both vice
presidents of Mr. Whitcomb's company?

Yeah, but by the time the trip's
over, one of us is going to be president,

because the old man
is planning to retire.

That's going to be quite a
decision for him to make.

I mean, you and Alan are
about as opposite as can be.

Yeah, we are. You see, Alan
is very old line, very Ivy League.

He's got a lot of polish.
He's a very classy guy.

You're not exactly a charm
school dropout yourself, you know.

But you see, in my neighborhood,
you didn't quote Shakespeare to a girl.

I mean, if you were
really crazy about her,

you showed her by... not
stealing her father's hubcaps.

No, you see, Alan,
he's got a lot of style,

but I am the one that's
gonna grab the president's job.

ALAN: Well, well, well, well!

- Fancy meeting you here.
- What are you doing here?

I thought I told you we'd meet
you by the pool where we were.

That's right, you did. That's
exactly why I didn't go up there.

You know what, Alan? I got
to stop underestimating you.

Because you're
beginning to think like me.

OK, time! Guys, I've
got to go earn my salary.

A cruel reality,
but I will survive.

After all, I am the one
having dinner with you.

Hey, you know
what? That's right.

So, if you'll excuse me, I'd better
go make plans for my own evening.

- Hm, that was a little too easy.
- Oh?

I know him.

He's up to something.

But what?

I'll see you later.

I think Aunt Hilly is the most
wonderful lady in the whole world.

Conrad is sure lucky to
have a mother like that.

Oh, Vicki.

Oh, there goes Wonder Woman now.

Let me get you some
pillows, Aunt Hilly.

Thank you, dear.

- Well, you've certainly won her over.
- It was a mutual exchange.

Merrill, sit down.

A question.

Scout's honor, do you
think of me as frivolous?

A scatterbrain leading a life of
expensive parties and many husbands?

To be honest, I used to.

But when my gray
hairs came along,

in limited quantities, I think I
acquired a little understanding, too.

I became your fan.

Then you wouldn't
be angry if I interfered

where I have absolutely
no business at all?

- Vicki?
- I have some ideas.

But I wouldn't want
to be an interloper.

Hilly, my love, interlope
at will. I welcome your help.

- There, that'll feel more comfortable.
- Thank you, dear.

Vicki, how would you like another
female in your immediate family?

- You're going to have a baby?
- Ha! Not without a miracle!

Don't you dare laugh!

- No, I'm referring to me.
- I'd love it!

Good, because from now on,
I'm going to be part of your future,

for better or for worse.

- I'm sure it'll be for the better.
- Just remember you said that.

Of course, it's all quite
different by moonlight.

Perhaps we could tour it again
tonight, starting with dinner?

- I have a date for dinner.
- Oh.

But what about after dinner?

Better yet.

[WHISPERS] There she is!

- Doc is still with her.
- I can see that.

Shall we meet here?

May I suggest another
place for us to meet

might be easier to
find for the two of us?

Such as?

My cabin.

Promenade .

Nine o'clock sharp.

Doc, Doc! Hey, Doc, you got to stay
away from her. She is with her boyfriend.

They guy is a regular Zorro, and
he brought his swords with him.

- Doc, he means business.
- Gopher, come on!

In today's world, a lady has
complete freedom of choice.

And that lovely señorita has most
intelligently chosen good old Doc.

Hasta luego.

Vaya con Dios!

- Gopher, maybe Doc's right.
- He's wrong!

I'm telling you, if
Doc keeps seeing her

we're going to have to pick him
up with a pair of eyebrow tweezers.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Hi.
- Good, I'm in time.

I've brought a dress
for you to wear to dinner.

It says "Paris."

- Is it really from Paris?
- It is.

Go ahead, open it.

I had to guess at your size from
the snapshots that your dad sent me.

- It's beautiful!
- Try it on.

The next time Laurence
and I are in Paris,

we must talk your father
into letting you join us.

Me in Paris? I wouldn't
know what to do.

[CHUCKLING] Oh,
darling! That is what I am for.

Well, does it look good on me?

Good? No.

Spectacular.

Oh, honey, you are so lucky.

You have the whole
world still to discover.

And it can all be yours.

Remember, whatever
you really wish is possible.

I wish I could be just like you.

I'm working on
a little surprise.

And who knows, you
may have your wish.

- Allow me.
- Thank you.

Ah, Julie,

I can't tell you how much I've been
looking forward to being alone with you.

DON: Julie!

Hey, Alan! What a coincidence!

ALAN: Amazing.

Huh! "Mrs. Murphy."

Oh, listen, for your sake,
I changed places with her.

You wouldn't have enjoyed
her, she's not the fun type.

I'd love you to join us, Don, but I know
Mr. Whitcomb's expecting you for dinner.

And you know how Mr. Whitcomb
is when Mr. Whitcomb is hungry.

DON: You're not
gonna sucker me, pal.

I spoke with Mr. Whitcomb this afternoon
and he's having dinner in his cabin.

Good evening. Uh... Good
evening, good evening.

Really, Don, you're not
a very considerate date.

Date?

I've been waiting
for you to pick me up.

- Pick you up?
- Am I speaking in a foreign tongue?

Your note said that as long as Alan
was having dinner with Miss McCoy,

why didn't you and I
have dinner together?

- Or have you forgotten the note?
- The note.

- Are you going to start that again?
- No. No, sir!

Good. Let's eat. I'm starved.

Alan, you wrote that note.

Well, with Don, you've got to protect
yourself at all times, you know that!

As I was saying, Julie,

I can't tell you how much I've been
looking forward to being alone with you.

Wasn't that a delicious dinner?

Delicious, but it's
not even nine o'clock.

- Wouldn't you like to go dancing?
- Oh, not tonight, dear.

I have such a terrible headache.

- Oh.
- [MOANS]

- Perhaps you should see the doctor?
- I may do that.

Probably all I need is
a good night's sleep.

- And you do have your book to read.
- What book?

The one you read
on deck all afternoon.

Oh, that one! Of course.

- Well, I say good night.
- Good night, darling.

- I hope you'll feel better.
- Oh, I'm sure I will.

Bienvenido.

- That means "welcome."
- It certainly does.

I brought a bit of bubbly
so we could celebrate

close encounters
of the very best kind.

Hurry, my sweet,
this bed is so cold.

Fear not, Dr. Warm
is on the way!

This is so wonderful.

You are a man among men!

Did you hear me?

I said you were a man among men!

I heard you, I heard you.
Let me get out of this jacket.

Oh! Oh, you are
taking your clothes off!

How wonderful!

Hurry, my sweet, hurry!

Hurry.

Your man among men returns!

Elvira.

Adam.

- Adam.
- Elvira.

- Adam...
- Agh!

Oh, darling, why don't we have
a little wine and a nice long talk?

What happened to "hurry, hurry"?

I'd love to see Paris sometime,
especially if my dad was there, too.

We have such fun together.

I should think,
with all his duties,

you wouldn't find much
time to see each other.

No, he spends a lot of time with me,
especially when I goof up something.

- Then, boy, does he spend time with me!
- What do you talk about?

Lately, he's been
teaching me about the stars.

Do you see the
North Star up there?

Did you know that if you
measure how high up it is,

that will give you its latitude?

- Ancient sailors found out about it.
- Good thing to know.

He's also trying to get me
hooked on pre-Columbian art.

There's a museum
in Mazatlán full of it.

I don't understand it very much,
but he likes it, so I keep trying.

Seems to me that living aboard a
cruise ship is not so limiting, after all.

We'll be in Mazatlán in the morning.
Would you like me to show you the town?

Indeed, I would. Provided you
promise to skip the museum this time.

Deal. Do you think Aunt
Hilly would like to come, too?

Not a chance. She doesn't
believe in mornings, in any form.

She said she had another surprise for
me. I can't wait to find out what it is.

But I wish you
wouldn't leave so soon.

Elvira, I've been
here for three hours.

I started out in bed and I've
been losing ground ever since.

So, may I introduce myself...?

Oh, my darling, how
can you tease me so?

Hold me in your arms. I
cannot wait a moment longer.

Ah-ha!

- What are you doing here?
- Who's this?

Oh, no, Carlos! Not that!

Not a duel?

Have a friend call upon me

so we may arrange to cross
swords in the field of honor.

"Cross swords"?
You've got to be kidding!

No, sir. I am not kidding.

I will have satisfaction.

Well, that's a hell of
a lot more than I had.

JULIE: [OVER PA] Attention all
passengers going on the tour of Mazatlán.

Buses are now
waiting at the dock.

Hilly, good morning.

- There's no such thing.
- [LAUGHS]

Why don't you have some coffee?

If you're looking for Vicki, she
just went into town with Laurence.

I know.

I'm surprised she still isn't
wearing that Paris dress.

It was a wonderful gift.
The second wonderful gift.

And now I have a third.

I made a call last
night to Switzerland,

to an old friend who
runs the Lycée Moritz.

A private school?

The time has come
for Vicki, Merrill.

And the Lycée is
the finest in the world.

I sent my own son there.

But Switzerland, that's the other
side of the world. She'd be alone.

Laurence and I would
pop in from time to time,

and she'll be with
you every summer.

If the child is to grow, she
must have wider horizons.

It's the perfect place.

It's stimulating, challenging,

and she'll make friends of her
own age from the very best families.

Sending Vicki away...

I've considered the
idea before, of course,

but I just haven't been
able to bring myself to do it.

But I'm confident that deep
down you know it's best for her.

Hilly, this is something that
needs a lot of thinking about.

Please, don't say
anything to Vicki.

I promise you I'll have a
decision before the cruise is over.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Don.

- I've been looking all over for you.
- Well, you found me. Do you win anything?

I was hoping for a little
serious conversation.

Oh, hey, you are serious.

Look, Don, I like you.

I think you're bright and funny
and I enjoy being with you,

but if you're looking for
any kind of commitment...

No, no, wait a minute. Now,
look, I don't want to scare you off.

I was thinking we could
use the rest of the cruise

to maybe get to know
each other a little better.

- Like maybe the dance tonight, OK?
- OK.

OK. OK?

Hey, you just made
me a very happy man!

I'll do my very best to
try to return the favor.

- I'll see you tonight.
- All right.

It seems so obvious now, Elvira was
just using me to make Carlos jealous.

And I didn't see
it, I'm some turkey!

And he's going to
carve you up like one.

No, he can't be serious.

I'll just stay away from
Carlos till he cools off.

- That kind of a guy never cools off.
- Yeah.

He's got Doc scheduled
for a Spanish shish kebab.

- Mm-hm.
- Isaac, we are Doc's only chance.

We have got to talk
Carlos out of the fight.

Check. We tell him that
Doc is totally helpless

and he doesn't know his sword
from his skivvy shorts, right?

Wrong.

We tell him just the opposite.

Oh, Captain, please
won't you join us?

- Thank you, Laurence.
- You know, Vicki is quite a guide.

She showed me
everything in town.

I did manage to talk
her out of the museum.

That wouldn't be hard to do.

She would probably appreciate
museums more if she went to the Lycée.

You can stop the sales pitch, Hilly.
I very gratefully accept your offer.

Oh, Merrill!

- You have considered every aspect?
- Of course he has.

I don't have to tell you what
a painful decision this is,

but it would be selfish
of me to keep her here.

I can't wait to tell her.

As a favor, please don't.

Let me, in my own way.

- OK?
- Of course.

Thanks.

Laurence.

Isn't it wonderful?

Possibly, Hilly.

Possibly.

But the doctor doesn't
know anything about swords.

- It will be cold-blooded m*rder.
- It is a matter of honor.

Oh, no.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Señor.
- Señor.

Gentlemen.

We are here as
seconds for Dr. Bricker.

The doctor will have
the choice of weapons.

Unimportant, señor.
These swords will do fine.

However, you should know the
doctor is equally deadly with spears.

- Pistols.
- Ax handles.

- Poisoned darts.
- Oh.

- He duels often?
- Very often, señor.

I could retire on
just his florist's bill.

Now... about your body.

- and a half.
- and a half.

Of course, you have the
choice to either be buried at sea

or have your body shipped
home in one of your suitcases.

Provided, of course, you're not
over the legal weight allowance.

.

- .
- ISAAC: We just love burials at sea.

The crew loves them because we get
a chance to hear the ship's cannon fired.

You, of course, will
only get one shot.

The doctor's been going so
well we've had to cut down.

The ship was using more
amm*nit*on than the sixth fleet.

- .
- .

- I don't intend to be buried at sea.
- Oh, good!

Then I'll put you down for our regular
weekly body pickup by United Parcel.

Gentlemen, if you
will excuse me,

I must inform Elvira of
this new development.

- Señores.
- Señor.

[PIANO PLAYING SOFTLY]

Oh, doesn't Vicki look cute?

She's so excited. See, her
aunt's promised her some sort of...

Don? You haven't
heard a word I've said.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I was just wondering
why the rich kid hadn't showed up.

You've spent the whole
cruise trying to get rid of him,

and now you're worried
because he's not here?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm
not worried. It's... great.

It's just with him, you
never know what he's up to.

Oh, I know what he's up to.

Amazing how fast his
broken heart mended, isn't it?

It's another miracle
of modern medicine.

There's Mr. Whitcomb over there.
Would you excuse me for a minute?

I just remembered, I gotta
have a word with the old man.

Of course, Don.

You're excused.

Hello.

How about a little
stroll in the moonlight?

Come on, Alan. You
know I'm here with Don.

- He'll be back any minute.
- I don't really think so.

Of course he will! Won't he?

- But he said... I mean...
- That's Don!

I knew he couldn't resist
that little basket of goodies.

You sound as though
you set the whole thing up.

Of course I did!

One look at Mary Jane and I
knew he'd start clawing at his bars.

Now, Julie, forget him.
He's ancient history.

Let's find a quiet place
where we can be alone.

- We've got so much to talk about.
- Yes, we certainly have.

Why so quiet, mon général?

I'm trying to think of a charming
way to begin our first quarrel.

You don't approve of
her going to the Lycée.

I definitely do not.

But it's a marvelous school.
I sent my own son there.

You had a reason to. You
were a lady on the way up.

You were full of plans, on
the go, you were making a life.

You think I sent Conrad away
because he was inconvenient?

- It's possible, isn't it?
- It certainly is not!

That school was for his benefit.

He learned so much and he
got to know all the right people.

He never got to know you. Now, I'm
not saying that you didn't care for him.

Of course you did,
but in your own way.

Now, may I ask you a
very tactless question?

No.

Well... all right.

When's his birthday?

His birthday!
That's not tactless!

It's just silly. As if I wouldn't
know my own son's birthday.

- Well, when is it?
- Well, it's in April.

I remember I had to leave in the
middle of the Paris couturier showings

to get back to the
hospital in New York.

That would be April.

Or May.

At the latest.

Oh, Hilly, you've
done nothing wrong.

It's just the way things
were with you and Conrad.

Private school solved
everything for both of you,

but this situation is vastly
different, the people are different.

Merrill does have time to see his
child, and at this stage of her life,

no school, no school in the
world can match up to that.

Since when do you know
so much about children?

How many do you have?

I am not saying that
you don't love him.

You're interfering in something
you know nothing about.

Kindly stay out of this.

So, you convinced Carlos I was
the world's greatest swordsman?

His teeth were chattering so
hard, they sounded like castanets.

To clinch the image, wear this! I got it
from the marimba player in the band.

- Doc, Doc, he's coming this way.
- Probably to apologize.

[GOPHER CLEARS HIS THROAT]

- Hi, Doctor.
- Señor.

- About tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? Tomorrow?

- Oh, the tonsillectomy. That's at : .
- No, no, señor. The duel.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot.

One small favor, please
bring my sword to me tonight.

I want to sterilize the edge. I wouldn't
want you to pick up an infection.

Always a doctor. A
k*ller, but a healer.

- Doctor.
- Señor.

May I suggest the Promenade
Deck? The light is better.

Of course! Good
light is important.

You mean, you intend
to go through with it?

Of course. To the end.

Frankly, I was
going to cancel out.

Elvira had me convinced
you were... uh... inexpert.

But these two gentlemen
assured me you were skillful.

So, the duel is
on, thanks to them.

Which reminds me, I have
no one to do the honors for me.

Isaac, would you do me the
favor of acting as my second?

Yeah, sure.

Thank you. I shall send
your sword, as you requested.

We meet at dawn.

Oh, poor Don. May he never
realize what a treasure he lost.

Hm.

Alan, I want to know what
makes you think he lost?

- Well, you're here with me, aren't you?
- But he has Mary Jane.

That's hardly a comparison.

Oh, you mean as long as we wound
up together, that's all that counts, right?

- Right, right.
- DON: Hey!

There you are.

You know, fun's fun, but this is
the last night, and Julie's my date.

I am? You seemed quite
happy with your other lady.

That was just a duty dance,
just a case of good manners.

Come on, duty dance? You
can do better than that, Don.

Hey, you know what?
You're just jealous.

That's why you're trying
to steal my girl, to get even.

Julie is not your girl! She
is quite definitely my girl...

[PIERCING WHISTLE]

Now, hold it! Hold it!

- I'm not your girl.
- Ha-ha! See?

- And I'm not your girl, either.
- See?

I'm sure you'll both recover, because
the fact is neither of you really cares.

- That's not true...
- Why do you think...?

JULIE: You're really something.

You've both become so
obsessed with competing

that what you're competing
for doesn't mean anything.

It's like me. I'm
just another trophy!

Now, come on, you're
both really nice guys.

You've just got a lot
of growing up to do.

A beautiful speech!

One I've been wanting
to make for two years.

Grow up, gentlemen.

Until you do, neither of
you will ever sit in my chair.

This will never happen. Whole thing
is crazy. Doc is too smart to show up.

I just feel awful about this
whole thing. It's all my fault.

Relax, I'm sure
it'll all work out.

The important thing
is you must interrupt us

as soon as you hear
me say en garde.

Oh, I understand that. I know.

- You interrupt as soon as I say en garde.
- En garde.

- I just remembered.
- What?

If Doc doesn't show up, as his
second, you have to take his place.

- Bite your tongue.
- Good morning, gentlemen.

I hope I'm not seeing this, Doc.

- [SWORD SWISHES]
- Doc?

- Hm.
- Doc, you can't go through with this!

Ah!

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Shall we commence?

- No!
- Uh-uh. It's crazy!

- We won't let you.
- No.

We are wasting time, Doctor.

With your permission,
may I suggest

we dispense with the
services of our seconds?

- An excellent idea. Leave us.
- BOTH: No, Doc. You can't...

- Go!
- You heard him.

[CLUNK]

Excuse me.

En garde.

En garde!

[SCREAMS] Help!

Come fight like a man!

No, no, no, wait no. This
is not for a woman's eyes.

- You cannot see this.
- He needs me. I have to help him.

He needs a psychiatrist.
You, he doesn't need.

Come on, let's go!

You lily-livered coward!

Come down!

En garde!

- You have to let me go, please!
- No, no, no! No, no!

Stop it!

- En garde.
- I beg your pardon?

- En garde!
- What was that?

- En garde!
- En garde!

This is m*rder! I have to help
him. I'm coming! I'm coming!

Woah!

Minuto, minuto.

[ELVIRA SCREAMS]

Stop it!

- What happened?
- She fainted.

Part of her morning sickness.
We'll just fight around her.

Morning sickness?
She's with child?

Didn't she tell you?

I guess she wanted to make sure
all the tests were positive. En garde!

I'm going to have a son!

Then that night, you
were only examining her?

Professionally?

Oh! I've been so
foolish, my love.

Forgive me. I promise I will
never ever duel again, ever!

Oh, darling, darling!

- I love you. I knew you'd do it.
- I love you.

ISAAC: Maybe he
still has a ch... ance.

Oh, poor Doc!

- So young.
- So many songs yet to be sung.

- So many books to be read.
- So many chicks to be chased!

- I can't believe he's dead.
- Well, that's life.

- He was one of the best.
- BOTH: Yeah.

Carlos conceded defeat. He couldn't
match either my curve or my slider.

BOTH: Doc! Wait!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in.

I know you're busy, Merrill,
but do you have just a minute?

Of course.

Well...?

I hope you'll allow an
old friend and flaky relative

the prerogative of
changing her mind.

Oh?

You see, my very wise, but
tactless, husband has made me realize

that Vicki may have more going
for her here than at the Lycée.

[CHUCKLING] Oh, boy!

- Did I say something funny?
- Kind of.

I've been wracking my brain

trying to think of some way to
tell you that I'd changed my mind.

- You've decided against her going.
- Hilly...

I've spent so much time
trying not to be selfish,

I forgot to see things
the way they really are.

The fact is, Vicki and I
need more time together now.

So, I've decided to postpone my decision
for a few years, till her th birthday.

- When is Vicki's birthday?
- June th, why?

Oh, nothing, really.

I just think that is a better
age to consider her going away

and meeting all the
best people in the world.

It may never be necessary.

After all, she already
knows the two very best.

Julie, Julie! Don and I have
been looking all over for you.

We both agree this endless competition
between us is absolutely ridiculous.

As a matter of fact,
old silver tongue here

would make a far better
president than I would.

No, wait a minute. You're
much better prepared than I am.

Don't be such a bonehead!

- You've got everything the job needs.
- You're much better with the sales...

[PIERCING WHISTLE]

Go!

- Goodbye, Julie.
- Bye.

- I'll see ya.
- Come back, only one at a time!

- Au revoir.
- Au revoir.

We shall get married
the minute we get home!

- We'll send you all the invitations.
- ALL: Thank you.

Together with a notice of
when the baby will be born.

Now, that's confidence.

And now, my friends,
I have to say goodbye.

- Thank you very much for everything.
- Adiós.

- Wonderful journey.
- Mucho gusto.

- Let's do it again.
- Of course. Thank you.

What are you going to do when
he finds out you're not pregnant?

Don't worry, Doctor,
by tomorrow, I will be.

- Adiós - ALL: Adiós!

- Bye.
- So long.

Well, I hope you enjoyed
the cruise, Laurence.

Merrill, it's been
just a delightful...

Dad, guess what! Aunt Hilly just
told me what my big surprise is!

- She did?
- Mm-hm.

They've invited me to
come visit them in Paris!

Oh, great!

And I promise Conrad
will be there, too.

Make a note of
the date, April th.

- We're having a very special party.
- What kind of a party?

Oh, come, Laurence. What kind of
a party would we have on April th?

- It's Conrad's birthday!
- Oh!

- He's so forgetful.
- [LAUGHTER]

- And I hope all of you can come.
- Oh, thank you.

- Bye, Merrill.
- Goodbye, Hilly.

Goodbye, darling.