04x22 - Sally's Paradise/I Love You, Too, Smith/Mama and Me

[bunniefuu]

[THEME TUNE STARTS]

♪ Love

♪ Exciting and new

♪ Come aboard

♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love

♪ Life's sweetest reward

♪ Let it flow

♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat

♪ Soon will be
making another run

♪ The Love Boat

♪ Promises
something for everyone

♪ Set a course for adventure

♪ Your mind on a new romance

♪ And love

♪ Won't hurt anymore

♪ It's an open smile

♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love

♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪

JULIE: [OVER PA] Attention
debarking passengers.

Please have your luggage
ready for customs inspection.

JULIE: [OVER PA] To
debarking passengers,

we apologize for the delay
in customs inspections.

What's the delay?

If these departing passengers
can't get off the ship on time,

- we won't be able to leave on schedule.
- We have both bad news and good news.

Evidently, there's some
kind of a hang-up in customs.

- But Gopher's gone down to handle it.
- Gopher? What's the good news?

Folks, folks, please be patient
just a few moments longer.

I think we have located
the cause of the delay.

Blenderman! What are you doing,
inspecting bags or aging wine?

Quiet, swabbie. I'm looking
for false bottoms. Turn around.

Wait a minute!

Can't you speed this up a bit?

Sure, I'll just ask all the
smugglers to raise their hands.

Look, you cannot cause these
unnecessary delays week after week.

I'm off now. Could
you take over?

I know why you do this. You do
this because you don't like me.

Wrong, Smith. I do
it cause it's my job.

The fact that I don't like
you just makes it easier.

- You're not a good person, Blenderman.
- I love you, too, Smith.

STUBING: [OVER PA]
Attention all passengers.

The Princess is now
ready for boarding.

You can go right through
those doors and turn left.

Sally!

Oh, you must be so excited, having
your fiancé along for the cruise.

Yes, it'll be so good for Donald,
give him a chance to get out in the sun.

He's a teacher, you know.
Spends all his time with his books.

- Hm.
- There he is!

Welcome aboard.

- So, how is Blenderman?
- Shut up!

Doc, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry. I just...

Just give me a couple of hours to put
some ocean between me and that woman

and I'll be fine, you'll see.

OK. "A. Blenderman."

- Blenderman, is that really you?
- It ain't Zsa Zsa Gábor.

Blenderman, wait a minute.
You're making a big mistake.

You don't want to go to Mexico.
You'd hate it. People are nice there!

You're on Aloha Deck,
cabins and .

- Thank you.
- Two cabins?

I happen to be traveling
with a gentleman companion.

Eat your heart out, Smith.

There he is. Hey, Roy.

Oh, hey, baby! I've been
looking all over for you. Later.

Well, this should
be a real fun trip.

Especially since this means
that you are working for me!

We're the Colsons, Mrs.
And her only son, Stanley.

Welcome aboard, Mrs. Colson.

You're on the Fiesta Deck,
adjoining cabins and .

Thank you.

- A lot of pretty girls on this cruise.
- We're not interested.

C'mon, Mom, how do you
know I'm not interested?

Marvin, did you hear that? Our
only son is asking how I know!

Stanley, darling,
a mother knows!

Tell all the girls on
board to forget about him.

Stanley Colson is not
on the open market.

- You must be Julie.
- That's right.

[LAUGHS]

You are even more
charming than I have been told.

- Thank you.
- Permit me.

- I am Ricardo Ortiz.
- Hello.

Sally has mentioned
you many times.

Oh, you're a friend of Sally's! If
you want to catch her, she just...

No, I want to wait until we are at
sea. Then I want to surprise her.

You see, we are
engaged to be married.

[HORN BLASTS]

- How's this, Mom?
- Oh, that's fine, just fine.

I mean, that's just terrible.

- Why? What's wrong?
- Them.

Look at those bathing suits,
if that's what they call them.

Mom, it doesn't mean anything.

Our generation is just a little bit
more honest with themselves, that's all.

- Naked is honest?
- There's nothing wrong with it.

Marvin, did you hear that?
We brought up a sex maniac!

You're lucky to have a decent girl like
Laurie Gilford waiting at home for you.

Laurie Gilford would never
get into anything like that.

Mom, Laurie Gilford couldn't
get into anything like that.

Laurie's a fine,
intelligent girl.

She makes her own clothes,
and her father has two drug stores.

Look, I'll be honest with you.

I invited you on this cruise hoping
to cheer you up after you lost Dad.

Also, I thought maybe it would be a
chance for me to meet another girl.

Where could you possibly find
a more perfect wife than Laurie?

Oh, Mom, please.

You'd have two stores.
I could buy wholesale.

And you'd have a
wonderful family.

Laurie's mother, rest her
soul, was a fine woman,

and her father
is so considerate.

Harvey Gilford calls me almost
every night, just to find out how I am.

If you like the family so much,
why don't you marry Harvey?

- He seems to be interested in you.
- He's polite.

Harvey wants to see you and
Laurie together, and so do I.

So why go shopping for
nudists? Here, improve your mind.

- So, Betty's not working this cruise?
- No. We have the cabin all to ourselves.

[CHUCKLES]

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Come in.

- Hello.
- Oh, hi.

Donald, this is my
friend, Julie McCoy.

- Nice to meet you.
- Thank you. Welcome aboard.

Why don't you finish unpacking, then
we can go up on deck for some fresh air.

It will do you good to get away
from those books for a while.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Sally?

You know, we've got really
an interesting group this cruise.

One guy even said
he was engaged to you.

Oh! He must have been at
a real wild bon-voyage party!

- I'll just get some extra towels, darling.
- OK.

- Nice meeting you.
- Yeah.

- That man, did you get his name?
- Uh-huh. Ricardo Ortiz.

- He's tall and...
- I know what he looks like.

- You do?
- I should. He's my fiancé.

- But I thought Donald was...
- He is. They both are.

You see, I was going
with Donald in Los Angeles.

He's got a marvelous mind, the
perfect intellectual companion.

Then I met Ricardo in Acapulco.

He's all-male, the perfect
physical companion.

- Mmmm!
- They both proposed!

I went crazy. I just
couldn't decide.

- So you went for the set?
- And it's been working out great!

I spend my time
off in LA with Donald

and my time off in
Acapulco with Ricardo.

- And I really love them both.
- Ah, there you are!

- Well, it's all over now.
- Maybe not.

- Sally! Hello!
- Well, hello!

- You did tell her I was here.
- Oh, believe me, it was a surprise.

I arranged to have a
cabin close to yours,

so it'll be easy to
move your clothes.

Not that you'll need that many,
but... Come, we'll get your things.

- Oh, no! Betty's getting dressed.
- Oh.

Listen darling, why don't
you just go into your cabin

and I'll tell her
you're here, OK?

I'll be with you in a moment.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- DONALD: Well!

Let's get some of that great
air you've been recommending.

Uh, there's no great
air up there anymore.

It's... terribly windy!

Look, darling, why don't you just go in
there and read one of your nice books?

And while Betty's reading
one of her nice books...

[DOOR SHUTS]

Hey, isn't that Miss
Blenderman from customs?

- So what?
- She doesn't seem like such an ogre.

Even Jack the Ripper
had a nice smile.

You two shouldn't be
squabbling all the time.

- Go talk to her.
- Oh, I don't want to!

This might be your
chance to bury the hatchet.

There's the creep I
was telling you about,

the little guy in
the sailor suit.

Yeah, yeah. [YAWNS] I
think I'll go back to the cabin.

- We just got here.
- Yeah, I know.

You have fun. You enjoy
yourself. I'm gonna take a nap.

OK? See you later.

Hey, Smith!

When you make Captain,
do you get to wear long pants?

This happens to be a very
sharp outfit, Blenderman.

You'd know that, if your taste
weren't so far up your nose.

Can I get you something
to drink, Gopher?

Gopher? Is that
what they call you?

- No, they... Well, sometimes...
- Gopher?

Do you come up on deck
and look for your shadow?

That's groundhogs!
Gophers are...

Look, Blenderman, I don't have time
for this, OK? I got duties on this ship.

What do you do, help row?

So, go already. Don't stand around and
dazzle me with your personality, Smith.

I've got my own guy.

- Two lemonades, please.
- Coming right up.

Hey listen, Isaac, you know those
cute single girls that you mentioned?

What would be the best
way to meet one of them?

- Well, one way is...
- Not a wild flame, a nice girl.

- Well, what I like to do is...
- Stanley?

It is you, isn't it?
Stanley Kilton...?

- Colson.
- Colson! I'm Jill Leonard.

We went to summer camp
together, camp Amahami?

When we were,
like, nine years old?

Jill! Yeah, of course!
The craft course, right?

We made all those plastic
braided whistle cords.

Yeah, hey, this is great!

You know, I always wondered
whatever happened to you.

Boy, all those peanut butter
crackers sure did wonders for you.

Here, have a seat. Let's
do some catching up.

I'm in a paddle tennis
tournament right now.

Oh. Well, how about
tonight, for dinner?

- I'll meet you in the lobby at eight?
- That's super.

I'll be wearing a red
and white whistle cord.

Oh, great. Well, I
guess we'll see you then.

Oh, and Isaac, thanks a lot.

Glad to help.

- He did say, "We'll see you then"?
- Mm-hm.

- And two drinks?
- Yeah.

Oh, I'm such a
dummy! He's married.

- No, he's not.
- Are you sure?

Positive. He came on
board with his mother.

His mother?

You know, Isaac,

I am convinced that Blenderman
just came on this cruise

to make me commit seppuku.

- Seppuku?
- Yeah, you know.

[IMITATES JAPANESE]

Do we have to make
reservations for dinner tonight?

No. There should be plenty
of seating for everyone.

Oh, good. Have plenty
of champagne on ice.

- My guy loves to spoil me.
- Certainly.

- You're very quiet.
- Yeah, well...

Keep it up, Smith. Silence
is one of your better qualities.

It's because of women like her
that monasteries have a waiting list.

Say, isn't that the guy that
Blenderman came on board with?

Yeah.

Hey, he's hitting
on other ladies!

Will you blame him?

I hope that I'm around when Mademoiselle
Big Mouth finds out about this.

[CHUCKLES] Blow this
ship right out of the water.

[WHISTLES]

Hey, it really was windy
out there, wasn't it?

Windy? Oh, yes.

Sorry to bother you, darling. I
seem to have left my key somewhere.

I thought I'd get
myself all sexy smooth.

- Oh! How did you...?
- You left it in my cabin.

Why did you leave so soon?
The day is still very young.

Ricardo listen, we really
can't. It's, uh... Betty.

Oh.

- Darling?
- What?

You know, this would make
a great honeymoon cruise.

Yes, it sure has
all the makings.

I know I've been neglecting you.

After all, you're a
very healthy woman.

Oh, no. Honestly, you haven't!

Listen, Don. I have to
go and check the shop.

Why don't you get dressed, and
take a little walk around the ship?

- I'll see you at dinner.
- What time?

- : .
- OK.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hello?
- What time do we meet for dinner?

Dinner? : !

No, I mean... for you, : .

Maybe I ought to
get roller skates.

- Roy, I'm ready.
- ROY: Ready for what?

For dinner.

Oh, I'm not going. I'm
sick. I got too much sun.

But you were only out
there for five minutes.

Yeah, I must have
caught a bad ray.

Well, don't you at least
want to see my new dress?

I'm wearing it
especially for you.

I'll see it tomorrow.
Wear it to breakfast.

I can't wait. Ta-da...

Who's that?

It's... my nurse!

- I think you owe me an explanation.
- Oh, come on!

When you invited me on this
cruise we hardly knew each other.

You said you get a discount
if you invited somebody along.

We'd have some laughs, no strings
attached. That was the agreement.

But I thought that once
we got on board ship, we'd...

That was your first mistake.

[LAUGHING] That
dress is your second!

If you want to see any action,
swap it for something else!

Yeah. Take it back.

I can't take it back.

I made it myself.

- Say, that must be Sally's fiancé.
- Mm-hm.

She said he'd be on board.

She's such a quiet, conservative
little woman, leads such a sheltered life.

Well, they say there's
someone for everyone,

and I guess she managed to latch
on to the one guy who was Mr. Right.

Anthropologists claim
that humans are by nature...

Excuse me, would you care
for an after-dinner liqueur?

No, no thank you,
Isaac. We don't drink.

Oh, my gosh!

It's : !

Listen, Donald, why don't you...
Why don't you check out the library?

I've just got to have a
quick word with the captain.

- I'll see you later in the cabin.
- All right.

All right?

You look so wonderful.
My life begins anew.

Oh, Isaac, a bottle of your
best champagne, please.

- But didn't you just say that...
- Better make it two, Isaac.

Two.

[LAUGHING] That's great!

We're going to dance
until dawn after dinner.

I'm not going to let
you out of my sight.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

So, you two met at summer camp?

That summer camp
was my husband's idea.

I wanted Stanley to have
violin lessons instead.

Ah, look, Mom, it's getting late.
I'd like to take Jill to the dance, OK?

Who's keeping you?
Don't worry about me.

You two young people go
ahead and have a good time.

Don't worry about
me. I'll be all right.

OK.

- You're going?
- You just said...

Well, does it have to be this minute?
I haven't even finished my coffee.

Mom, you've had cups.

Marvin, would you believe
it? Your son is counting.

- So, tell me, Joan...
- It's Jill.

Jill.

Are you promiscuous?

- I beg your pardon.
- It's too big a word?

No, it's not that.

I don't mean to be nosy, but I like
to know what my only son is doing.

Come on, Jill. Listen, Mom,
I'll see you in the morning, OK?

Excuse me.

Marvin, will you stay
while I finish my coffee?

[SNIFFING]

You know what? I just remembered,
I've got to stand watch tonight.

I'm sorry.

- Bye.
- Bye.

- We've got rules against littering.
- Take a hike, Smith!

I don't feel like dueling
with you tonight.

Hey, me neither, me neither.

- My girl just dumped me.
- Join the club.

Blenderman, I don't want
to question your judgment,

but how did you wind
up with a yo-yo like Roy?

He had beautiful luggage!

Oh, I'm stupid, I admit it. Beggars
can't be choosers, you know?

Blenderman...

- Have you got a first name?
- Angelina.

- Angelina?
- What did you expect, Butch? Sluggo?

No, no, no, Angelina Blenderman.

That's a nice name.
What, are you Spanish?

Half. I don't speak
the language.

What am I doing here? I don't
belong on a cruise to Mexico!

So you're probably not
going into Acapulco?

Nah, I'd be too embarrassed.
Besides, I don't have anything to wear.

Well, you know best.

- Too bad, though.
- What's too bad?

Well, it's just that I know
Acapulco pretty well,

and I could probably direct
you to various points of interest.

You know, beaches,
restaurants, dress shops.

But I don't want to tear you
away from a fun day of sulking.

Let me get this straight
now. You're inviting me?

Yeah, but don't ask me why
because I'm not sure that I know.

- I'll think about it, get back to you.
- Fine. You got two seconds.

I'll go.

- And Smith?
- Hm.

Thanks for not
making fun of my name.

- Hey, I'm sorry I teased you earlier.
- Forget it.

- Gopher's not my real name, anyway.
- No? What is?

- Burl.
- Burl?

Burl and Gopher.

Stay with Smith.

Mom! What are you doing up?

What am I doing up? I'm not
sleeping, that's what I'm doing up.

- And you know why?
- Sure. You had two gallons of coffee.

Because I am half out of
my mind worrying about you.

It's three in the morning.
You could've called.

For all I knew, you had an
accident, or you were hit by a truck.

On a ship? Mom, I'm
OK. Come on, go to sleep.

- Did she try to seduce you?
- Mom, that's none of your business.

All right, if you won't
tell me, tell your father.

- Mom, would you get some sleep?
- Are you going to see that nudist again?

If you mean Jill, yes, definitely.
She's a real wonderful girl.

We're going ashore
tomorrow in Acapulco.

Did "wonderful" happen to
say what her father does?

He works for the county,
something in civil service.

Oh, Stanley, Stanley, think!

Laurie Gilford's father has two drug
stores. He could teach you the business.

You could open a third.

What can a civil servant do? You
can't open your own government.

Goodnight, Mom. Pleasant dreams.

Pleasant dreams?

Pleasant dreams? How
can I have pleasant dreams?

You! You had to send him to
summer camp to meet a naked stranger!

Don't worry, Marvin.
We're not giving up yet.

- Donald.
- What time is it?

Donald, I have a
confession to make.

It's only : . You
must have dozed off!

[MUMBLES]

You have to go to bed. You've
done enough reading for tonight.

You need a decent
night's sleep. There you are.

Wait, this isn't fair to you.
This is our first night aboard.

I'm gonna get dressed
and we're gonna go dancing.

Oh, no. There's plenty of
time for that tomorrow night.

Really, I don't feel
like dancing tonight.

- You don't?
- Believe me!

Sleep well.

[SIGHS]

[ALARM RINGS]

Good morning,
darling! Sleep well?

Rise and shine. We don't want to
be late for breakfast now, do we?

You going to go
to breakfast in that?

Er, well, running the
boutique, you know,

they expect me to
dress for all meals.

Tell you what. Change
into something else.

- We're gonna go jogging.
- Jogging?

Yeah. You said I
needed exercise.

Oh, no, we won't do too
much, just a couple of miles.

Just a couple of miles.

JULIE: [OVER PA] Ladies and
gentlemen, welcome to Acapulco.

Land tours will be
leaving in one half hour.

- Come on doll, what did I do wrong?
- Everything! You're a creep. Get lost!

How you doing?

[LAUGHTER] You sure know
the quaint Mexican villages, Smith.

- I had a swell time!
- Good.

- For a while there, you had me worried.
- How come?

Well, we spent at least half the day
together. You didn't insult me once.

- I knew there was something I forgot.
- [CHUCKLES]

Your friend's here.

[SIGHS] They're
probably cleaning his cage.

Oh, you shouldn't have let
me buy all these clothes, Smith.

- Where am I ever going to wear them?
- At the captain's table.

- With me, tonight.
- Me?

At the captain's table with all those
ritzy people and all those little forks?

I wouldn't know how to act.
I wouldn't know what to say.

I'd be too embarrassed.

Pick me up at : ?

Deal. Here.

- Thanks a lot.
- OK. Right...

Ah, yes!

Very chic.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Hi, baby. I've been
looking all over for you.

I bet.

Look, about last night, I
hope you can forgive me.

- It was all that sun, and the drinks.
- Where's your playmate?

Oh, I got rid of her,
right after you left me.

Baby, I'm going
up to the lido deck.

I hope you find it in your heart
just to spend a few minutes with me.

Just come up there and talk to
me, it would mean everything.

Wasn't that jogging
great this morning? Huh?

You're gonna have extra
energy all day and all night.

I sincerely hope so.

Oh, you'd better hurry, the
tour buses are about to leave.

It's a shame that
you got to work.

Well, I'll see you
when I get back.

Ah, Sally, I love you so.

Oh, and I love you.

- Who is this?
- Who would it be?

Oh! Ricardo!

It was so wonderful last night.

I've decided to stay on board and
take the trip back to Los Angeles.

- Wouldn't it be great?
- Oh, yes, great.

I'll just have to go back home and
get some clothes. I'll be right back, OK?

All right. Well, take your time.

Sally, look at you. You
won't be able to keep this up.

Oh, I'll make it, somehow.
It's just a couple more days.

Guess who!

- You're really surprised, aren't you?
- Oh, yes!

Julie, this is,
er... Henry Crane.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

He's... He's...

- He's your fiancé.
- How did you figure that out?

There's a lot of
it going around.

My, didn't we have a good time?

And the prices on those dresses
was so inexpensive, but you didn't buy...

That's right, you don't
wear clothes much, do you?

Oh, I'm gonna give these shoes to
Laurie Gilford as a present from you.

That's his best girl back home.

I'll just have time for a
little nap before dinner.

I didn't sleep a wink
last night, from worry.

Well, about : , then?

I don't think so.

- Look, about Mom...
- It's OK.

I understand. She just lost her husband,
and you're her only son. She loves you.

Naturally, she wants the best for you,
which happens to be someone else.

Look, Jill, I can make
up my own mind.

Then I guess I'm the
one who's the coward,

because I just couldn't
hack her disapproval.

So, I think I'd better get
out before I get in too deep.

Goodbye, Stanley. All the best.

Roy?

You asked me to come talk to you,
but... all I want to talk to you about

is the fact that I don't
think I want to talk to you.

Well, at least we're
talking, that's the first step.

Looks like you had
a lot of fun ashore.

I guess that Smith fellow is
worth every penny they pay him.

- What do you mean, "pay him"?
- Oh, that's his job.

To jolly up lonely girls. I'm
glad he filled in when I goofed.

I really appreciate what he did.

Thank you very much.

Well, I got Henry all settled into
his cabin. He seems real nice.

Oh, yes, he is. He's Canadian.
I met him on the Alaska cruise.

He's the most generous
man, marvelous provider.

Oh, I wondered what
his specialty was.

You know, Sally, you're amazing.

You've got three countries all tied up,
and all three men obviously adore you.

But you know you can't
possibly get away with it,

not with all of them right here!

- What time do you close up here?
- Er... Not for quite some time.

Can't you get somebody
else to take over?

I see so very little of my fiancée and I
want to be with her every minute I can.

I know exactly how you feel.

I, too, am traveling with my intended
and I very seldom get to see her.

You know, we
should have a union.

- I'm Donald Cheevers.
- Ricardo Ortiz.

Perhaps we should get together
with our ladies and see what can we do.

Hey, that's a great idea!
Let me introduce you...

Excuse me. What
time are you closing up?

Huh? Er...

Right away.
Everybody out, please.

Marvelous. We can
go for a walk on deck.

A thousand pardons,
but I have the first claim.

You can't do that. What
would your fiancée think?

- Besides, Sally's engaged.
- I know that.

HENRY: You fellows
wouldn't believe this,

but the lucky guy is
standing right here.

- And it's me.
- Sorry, but I think you're mistaken.

You sure are.
Sally, tell them...

She's gone!

I think I'll be going, too. I'm sure the
three of you have a lot to talk about.

So, you and Blenderman
had a good time, huh?

Yeah, she's OK. Obviously,
I was wrong about her.

[INAUDIBLE]

Obviously, I was wrong
about being wrong about her.

She was just using me to
make that gorilla jealous.

Hey, Goph, I hear you and
Blenderman are just like that.

Miss Blenderman.

I find I will be unable to escort
you to dinner this evening.

Thank you.

Well, I guess he decided
to work on another dame.

Maybe you didn't tip him enough.

Sally?

Sally, you can come out now.

- Are you alone?
- All alone.

I come with a message
from the United Nations.

Oh, those poor guys,
they must hate me!

It's a wonder they don't, but
after they finally settled down

they understood
and they forgive you.

Oh, what darlings! Well,
you can see why I love them.

Mm-hm. But...

But they want to have me shot?

Sally, you have to
decide on just one of them.

Just one?

And whichever
two aren't selected

promise to accept gracefully
and stay out of your life.

So, now, it's up to you.

- I have to settle for just one?
- That shouldn't be so tough, should it?

It is when you're
used to having three.

I hear you and Miss
Blenderman are great pals now.

You should have
invited her to join us.

She was busy.

Well...

You're in for a
great treat tonight.

My new pastry chef's been working
all day on a magnificent dessert.

Isn't it more fun sitting here than at
that stuffy old captain's table, baby?

You said Gopher would
have a girl with him, he doesn't.

I guess nobody wanted
to be with that creep!

[LAUGHS]

[DINERS MURMUR APPRECIATION]

There it is, Goph! Bet you can
hardly wait to dig into that, huh?

Sir, will you excuse me?
I'm not very hungry tonight.

I think I'm gonna
give that bird the word.

No, Roy. No, no.

ROY: Hey?

- You leaving early, sailor boy?
- Ah...

I just want to tell you to keep your
clammy hands off another guy's property.

You hear me, lunchmeat?

- Your shoe's untied.
- Oh, thanks.

Tell me he didn't do it,
Adam. Tell me he didn't do it.

That was nice having
dinner just the two of us.

- I guess the nudist wasn't hungry.
- She didn't want to intrude.

Oh, she has manners.

- But so has Laurie.
- Odds are I won't end up with either.

This is just a
snapshot, isn't it?

What did you expect, an
oil painting? Just a snapshot.

When your father and I were married,
we couldn't afford a photographer.

You mean your father
didn't have two drug stores?

Two drug stores? He
didn't even have two suits.

Now, now, don't you be
clever with me, Stanley.

I'm just trying to help, so you
don't have the hard times we had.

Yeah, but weren't those hard
times also the good times?

I mean, the things you and
Dad always laughed about,

that happened way back when you
were just starting out, without a dime.

Son, what's wrong
with having a head start?

Or even better, two?

Don't you have any confidence in
me, that I can get my own two stores?

Can't I do what Dad
did, find the right girl first?

All right, you want the
nudist? Go ahead. Take her!

- I can't stop you.
- She won't have me.

- She wants something I can't give her.
- Like what?

Except for the violin
lessons, you have everything.

- What more could she want?
- Your approval.

I lost her because I
wasn't strong enough,

but I will be next time.

I have to be, because I intend
to start out just the way Dad did,

with the lady I choose.

I love you very much, Mom, but I'm
not going to lose a very special girl.

You...

You'll be happy with Laurie.

You'll see.

Weren't you listening?
Weren't you listening, Mom?

You simply do not push people's faces
into desserts in formal dining rooms!

You should have let me do it.

Roy would have broken
every known bone in your body.

Wait a minute! You're not supposed to
protect me. I'm supposed to protect you!

I'm the knight in shining armor, you're
the damsel in distress, you got that?

Listen, pally, I've been slaying
my own dragons my whole life.

I don't need you to do it
for me. I'm no charity case.

Charity case? Look at this! What
is this, Salvation Army Uniform?

- Time.
- What?

- Question.
- What?

Did you take me ashore
cause it was part of your job?

- [SIGHS]
- I didn't think so.

- OK, back to the screaming.
- Is that it?

You honestly think I
spent all this time with you

because it's my job
and I felt sorry for you?

You're impossible!

You are the most
pig-headed, narrow-minded...

I love you, too, Smith!

- What did you say?
- You heard me.

- Hey, we're fighting again.
- Feels good, huh?

Yeah.

But I know something
that feels better.

Sally, you have
decided on one of them?

Hm. Ricardo.

Well, I'm sure you
two will be very happy.

But I could be happy
with Henry or Donald, too.

- How am I going to tell them?
- Sally, it has to be done! Come on!

- I'll wait for you here.
- OK.

[CLEARS THROAT]

- Hi, Donald.
- Sally.

Sally, Sally, Sally, Sally.

You've made me the
happiest man in the world.

Actually, I...

I'm gonna make you the
happiest woman in the world.

Every day will be a
joy and a celebration.

Sally, I do love you so.

And I love you, but...

Have you told the other
fellows that you've chosen me?

What?

No. Um...

Well, I suppose I'd better...

Hurry back.

Hurry back.

Well, that was quick.
See? It wasn't so bad.

- I didn't tell him.
- Huh?

I took him. Now I suppose I've got
to tell Ricardo and Henry they're out.

Oh.

Hi, Ricardo.

Oh, Lord, you have
answered my prayers.

[IN SPANISH] I'll do everything I can to
make this woman the happiest in the world.

- This isn't easy.
- I know it is not.

Those two fine gentlemen
will be sad at their loss,

but you and I will know love
such as the world has never seen.

Stanley, you shouldn't be out
here in this wind without a scarf.

- Mom, please.
- That's not why I came up here.

I found a girl who
could be perfect.

Mom, I'm not interested, OK?

Oh, so, now you're not
interested in nudists?

So, say hello.

You'll have to do something
about his manners.

- I'll sure try.
- Mom, you really mean...?

You know what they
say, three's a crowd,

but that shouldn't
apply to mothers!

Now, go on, go on, both of you.

Marvin, I know what you're
thinking, they'll have to struggle.

But he said he wanted a
marriage just like ours was.

They should be so lucky.

Wow, that's some story.

And Mr. America won, huh?

Yeah, but I feel sorry
for the other guys.

JULIE: Excuse me, Doc.

- Bye, bye, Sally. It was wonderful.
- Bye, bye, Henry.

- I'll call.
- Take care.

- They sure seem happy for losers.
- Oh, but they're not losers! Nobody is.

I just couldn't bring myself to
say goodbye to any one of them.

And I'm glad I couldn't.
Now we're all happy.

- But...
- Julie,

for most of my life, men have
never paid any attention to me.

Then suddenly, I had three!

Well, I suppose deep down
inside I really wanted them all.

I have all those lonely years to make
up for, so I've decided to keep the set.

But they'll find out if they
ever come cruising again.

Oh, no, that won't happen.

I've had a new job offer,

as traveling representative
for a sportswear designer.

So the guys won't be able to
find me, but I'll be able to find them.

- Sally, I don't think...
- He's very artistic.

- Who?
- The designer.

You know, I've never been
engaged to an artist before.

- I hope you enjoyed your cruise.
- We sure did.

- Mom, we'll get a cab and go to...
- No, you two go on.

I'm being picked up. Harvey
Gilford called me last night.

Laurie's father? You know, I
knew he was interested in you.

Oh, don't talk foolish. Why would he
be interested? What do I have to offer?

A great deal, Mrs.
Colson, a great deal.

Thank you.

You know, once we
teach her to wear clothes,

I think she'll
turn out just fine.

Everything is. We're both going to
have what we want. I'm going to have Jill.

And you're going to have
your two drug stores. Huh?

Now that we're an item, I guess
you'll speed up the customs line, right?

Wrong.

Didn't think so.

Well, these were
going to be a bribe,

but I guess now you'll have to
accept them as a token of my affection.

Oh, Smith, they're beautiful!

Looks like the fight of the century
has turned into a lovely romance.

- What did you do that for?
- You know the rules!

"No flowers,
fruits or vegetables

may be brought uncovered into
the Continental United States."

What's the matter
with you, Smith?

Blenderman,
Blenderman! Wait a minute.

- GOPHER: Blenderman, wait!
- Strange girl.

Sure is. Any sensible girl
would have kept the flowers.

Wait Blenderman, come back here!

ALL: And thrown
Gopher overboard.