04x21 - Clothes Make the Girl/Black Sheep/Hometown Doc

[bunniefuu]

[THEME TUNE STARTS]

♪ Love

♪ Exciting and new

♪ Come aboard

♪ We're expecting you ♪ And love

♪ Life's sweetest reward

♪ Let it flow

♪ It floats back to
you ♪ The Love Boat

♪ Soon will be
making another run

♪ The Love Boat

♪ Promises
something for everyone

♪ Set a course for adventure

♪ Your mind on a new romance

♪ And love

♪ Won't hurt anymore

♪ It's an open smile

♪ On a friendly
shore ♪ It's love

♪ Welcome aboard ♪ It's love ♪

Mm-hm!

Some snazzy ship, huh?

- Yes, Mother.
- [CHUCKLES]

And, oh... Yes, yes!
Great hunting grounds.

Oh, Mother, come on!

Honey, there are bound to be tons of
eligible young men on board for you.

Shh!

And if one of them happens
to turn out filthy rich...

I won't complain.

Doc!

Mike! [LAUGHS]
Good to see you, man.

Or should I say, Dr. Lucas?

Captain Stubing, I'd like
you to meet Mike Lucas,

who just happens
to be a terrific doctor.

- Nice to meet you, Mike.
- How do you do, Captain?

I'd like you to meet the lady
I'm going to marry, Tracy Cotts.

- Hi.
- Tracy, what a pleasure.

It's nice to finally meet the
man who made Mike a doctor.

Mike is from my
hometown, Cedar Flats.

I was chairman of the committee
there that paid for his medical education.

Oh, I never heard of a
town doing that before.

Well, Cedar
Flats isn't very big.

That was the only way they
could get a doctor. Train their own.

And it was a pretty
good deal for Mike too.

Oh, you're a lucky man. I guess
congratulations are in order.

- Thank you, Captain.
- Now, what are your plans?

A cruise, a wedding, and then on to
Cedar Flats to hang up your shingle?

Well... something like that.

Now, see here, young
man, if you're planning

to live together in Cedar Flats
without a marriage license,

you're asking for a tar
and feather ambush.

Right.

Look, Doc, I think we'll
get settled in the cabin.

We'll see you later, OK?
Nice to meet you, Captain.

- Nice meeting you. Enjoy the cruise.
- Thank you.

There's a young man
with a bright future.

Mike should be sitting
on top of the world.

So why do I get
the feeling he isn't?

Hey! Hey, Johnny!

I think you better put
turn signals on that thing.

I'm sorry, Julie,

but I have just been
struck by lightning.

[MOTHER HUMS APPRECIATIVELY]

Huh?

Oh, I see. Well, be careful.

I think next to that lightning,
I see a thundercloud.

Ah...

Well, there's another
possibility for you.

Mother, I'll pick out my
own dates, thank you.

That is a laugh.

Remember, it's just as easy to
fall in love with a rich man, OK?

Oh!

It looks like Fort Knox
just walked on the boat.

See those clothes? The shirt?
The tie? That's money. M-O-N-E-Y.

Now, that's the kind of
man I want for my daughter.

What do I need him for?
Why don't I just marry his suit?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Excuse me, sir.
I'm the ship's valet,

and I'd be glad to
hang those up for you.

Oh, thank you. But be very
careful. They're custom-tailored.

No problem. I'll treat them
like they were my very own.

Better than that, I would hope.

Oh, hello.

One perfect blossom for
one perfectly lovely lady.

- Gee, thanks.
- Debbins. Jesse Debbins.

Welcome aboard, Mr. Debbins.
I'm Julie McCoy, your cruise director.

This is Burl Smith,
our assistant purser.

And this is Vicki, our
captain's daughter.

- Welcome aboard.
- JESSE: Greetings to one and all.

What are you doing here?

Isaac!

Looks like my nephew is
less than glad to see me.

Nephew?

- Nephew?
- Nephew?

I may be his nephew, but he's
not in the family. Not anymore.

Please excuse my
nephew's behavior, sir.

It seems that my past
is somewhat checkered.

But I've changed, Isaac,

and I hope you'll give
me a chance to show you.

Uncle Jesse.

Sometime soon.

Right now, I can't help
noticing this fine young woman

- waiting so patiently behind me.
- I just wanted to know

- where my cabin was.
- Oh, please, allow me.

Ah, Aleta Daniels.
Fiesta Deck .

- Julie, is that anywhere near my cabin?
- Oh, no, sir.

Good. The further our
cabins are apart, the better.

My doctor told me to
get plenty of exercise.

[ALETA LAUGHS]

Do you mind?

Thank you.

One perfect blossom for
one perfectly lovely lady.

ALETA: Thank you, Mr...

Debbins. Jesse Debbins.

OK. Hmm!

Oh, well. Easy come, easy go.

That man just ain't no good.

Well, if you want to tell him personally,
he's staying in the presidential suite.

Well, that's appropriate, since he's
been in prison under five presidents.

[SHIP HORN BLASTS]

[CHEERING AND CHATTER]

- [KNOCK AT DOOR]
- Come in.

- Captain Stubing?
- Yes.

I'm Don Gray, United States Treasury.
I believe you were expecting me?

Oh, yes.

Somehow, Mr. Gray,

you don't fit my image of
what treasury agents look like.

Really? And what do
treasury agents look like?

Oh, you know, like
sour-faced men in baggy suits.

Oh, no, that's the FBI.

- [CHUCKLES] Please, have a seat.
- Thank you.

Your cable wasn't specific.

Can you tell me the
nature of your assignment?

Of course.

The Secret Service has received a tip
that a large sum of counterfeit money

will be smuggled aboard
this ship in Ensenada.

Unfortunately, we don't
know how or by whom.

I see.

And what can my crew
and I do to assist you?

- Nothing.
- Nothing?

Captain, we're up against pros here.
I can't risk having my cover blown.

Just let me circulate around
the ship as a normal passenger.

If you should see something
suspicious, let me know.

You mean... by code?

No. I mean by phone.

Hello? This is Jay Bostwick...

in the Aloha Suite.

Yes, I've been calling the
valet shop, but nobody answers.

They sent me up
the wrong clothes.

Why, yes, of course I am
sure they are the wrong clothes.

If these are my clothes,

then I have grown two
feet since I boarded.

Yes. There was a
pair of brown slacks,

immaculately tailored,
Scottish woolen,

and a white cashmere blazer

with initialed gold buttons.

Beautiful day, isn't it?

- Johnny?
- Shh!

What's with the clothes?
Aren't you working?

Look, I'll get my work done, I
promise, but I've got to meet her.

Who?

The girl from the lobby.

- Oh, but Johnny, I...
- Shh!

It's not Johnny.

[CLEARS THROAT] It's Jonathan.

Jonathan?

Oh, look, look, look, look.

- Oh, Mother, please!
- Honey, that jacket. That's big bucks.

Hello! Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!

Yes. Yes, you! [LAUGHS
FLIRTATIOUSLY]

Hello, ladies. Ripping morning.

- Oh, yes, isn't it?
- I'm Jonathan Gilmore.

Oh, hello. Ann Marshall.
My daughter Suzanne.

Call her Suzie.

- Well, hello, Suzie.
- Hello.

So, tell me, are you
enjoying the cruise?

Well, we're having a
marvelous time now. [LAUGHS]

- Aren't we, Suzie?
- Hmm? Marvelous.

Well, you see, this
is our first cruise.

Really?

Oh, but I can tell it's
not your first... crossing.

Hardly.

As a matter of fact, you might
say I practically live on this ship.

Oh, you do? Well!

I bet you have the most
beautiful smile, if you'd use it.

ANN: It should be a beautiful smile.
Those teeth cost me an arm and a leg.

- She wore braces until she was .
- Mother!

I did too. The full job.

I had enough track to stretch
from New York to San Francisco.

I thought I would
never ever get a date.

- Really? You did too?
- Oh, you bet.

But in your case, it
was obviously worth it.

Thank you.

Say, how about joining
us for dinner tonight?

Ah... Would you... please?

I'll be there. You
can count on it.

[ANN LAUGHS]

ANN: That's just marvelous!

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Ah... [CLEARS THROAT]

Well, if you'll excuse me. I have
a very pressing engagement.

Well, I'm glad I
took you on this tour.

There's lots of things on the
ship I've never seen before.

[LAUGHS] It was great,
Doc, thanks. Wasn't it, honey?

- Oh, yeah. It was really, really nice.
- Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

- I'll see you at dinner.
- OK.

I thought you were
going to tell him.

- I will, Tracy, I will.
- Oh, yeah!

Well, I can't just blurt it out.

"Gee, Doc, thanks for putting
me through medical school,

but I changed my mind.

I'd rather practice medicine
in New York than Cedar Flats."

He'll understand.

He's gonna know you'll make
more in one year in Daddy's hospital

than you would in ten years
in that small town of yours.

Honey, you don't
have to convince me.

Well... then will you please
tell him and get it over with?

Just give me a little more time.

Hey, I understand your feelings.

After all, how can anybody live in
a town that doesn't have a Gucci's?

Are you making fun of me?

I'd rather make fun with you.

Oh!

- Hi, Gopher.
- Hi, Jesse.

What's happening, Isaac?

Well, right now, nothing much.

In the past three years since
we've heard from you, plenty.

- Can we talk about it?
- I'm kinda busy.

That's cool. I'll just
have a refill then.

OK.

Only tomato juice. I haven't
had a drink in three years.

Three years?

- Thanks a lot, Isaac.
- Uncle Jesse...

Um... I'm gonna be at the Pirate's
Cove a little later if you want to drop by.

I'll do that.

- Gopher.
- Bye, Jesse.

[JESSE PLAYING AN UPBEAT TUNE]

[LAUGHTER]

All right!

"Faceless People."
Do you know that one?

[INDISTINCT]

No, how about...
"Ain't Misbehaving."

No, no, no. Now it's my
turn to make a request.

I'd like you all to join
me in an old favorite.

[STARTS PLAYING]

ALL: ♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

- ♪ Happy birthday dear...
- JESSE: ♪ Isaac

ALL: ♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

[CHEERING]

Uncle Jesse, what are you doing?

You're... three months
early for my birthday.

Isaac, for this birthday,
I'm years late.

Happy birthday, my man!

Oh, wow! High-tops.

You think it's too late to try out for
your eighth-grade basketball team?

Uncle Jesse, why
are you doing this?

How come after all these years you're
interested in being my uncle again?

Well, Isaac... a
couple of months ago,

I finally won some
serious money in Vegas

and I realized for
the first time in my life

that I had something to
give and no one to give it to.

So now I'm gambling that
you'll let me back into the family.

I know the odds aren't
exactly in my favor.

Well, happy birthday,
anyway, Isaac.

Your uncle, huh?

Yeah.

Isaac, you know, your
uncle really does love you.

Do you know he can still recite all
your Little League batting averages?

Are you kidding? I
can't even do that!

Listen, would you like to
go to Ensenada with us?

Jesse wanted to ask you,
but he was afraid you'd say no.

Oh, thanks, but I
have to stay on board.

Besides, it takes a little time

getting used to an uncle
you never knew you had.

Yeah.

GOPHER: [OVER PA] Passengers
wishing to take the nightclub tour

in Ensenada, please make arrangements
in the purser's lobby after dinner.

Yes, it's gone.

Not my underwear.

My tuxedo!

Where is my tuxedo?!

- Johnny, what are you doing here?
- I'm off duty.

But you're not supposed to be
in the dining room. You know that!

Julie, please. Just this once, OK?
I'll do your cleaning for a month.

Never mind about that.
Just don't get caught.

Where did the tuxedo come from?

Oh. Ah, well...

first there's a boy silkworm
and then there's a girl silkworm...

Later.

Good evening, ladies.
You both look exquisite.

[CLEARS THROAT] Well,
that makes three of us.

You two are in for a treat.
The food here is sensational.

Good, because I'm starved.

[LAUGHS] Starved?

She eats like a bird.

A bird of paradise, obviously.

ANN: Oh, Suzie, I like that man.

I like the way he dresses.
I like the way he talks.

Tell you what, Jonathan.

If you'd like to be alone with
Suzie after dinner, I won't object.

[FORK DINGS AGAINST GLASS]

To Dr. Lucas.

Who I know will make me proud
to be a member of the profession.

Mike has something
he wants to say to you.

Well, go ahead.
Dr. Bricker will understand.

Understand what?

Doc, I may as well tell you.

I've changed my mind.

I'm not going back to
Cedar Flats after all.

What?

MIKE: Tracy's father
is Dr. Benjamin Cotts.

He has a hospital with a great
reputation. He wants me to work with him.

Oh.

- Where is the hospital?
- It's in New York.

[LAUGHS] It's a big city.
Where exactly in New York?

On Park Avenue.

Well, it'll be good for
Mike to work under Daddy.

He's really inspiring.
You'll see for yourself.

His yacht's meeting
us in Acapulco.

I assume it's a hospital ship?

I suggest a toast.

To Park Avenue's
newest and finest doctor.

Gopher, could I talk
to you for a minute?

Sure. What's the matter?

It's about my Uncle Jesse.
He says he's changed.

He acts like he's changed. And
I want to believe he's changed.

But I just don't know
if I can trust him.

Well, speaking professionally,

it's awfully hard not to trust a
guy that pays cash for everything.

- My uncle is not running a tab?
- Mm-mm.

That is a change.

Hey, you two. How was Ensenada?

[ALETA LAUGHS]

Hey. It was all right. It
was all right. It was hip.

It was sort of like
Oakland with donkeys.

- He loved it.
- Yeah, I did.

Listen, Isaac, Aleta
and I were thinking of

throwing a little fiesta
party tomorrow night,

and we were wondering
if you could join us.

I'll do better than that.
I'll set it up for you.

Wonderful!

Well, how come the uptown
treatment all of a sudden, buddy?

Well, I've been
thinking, Uncle Jesse.

I haven't been treating
you fairly, and... I'm sorry.

Well, I'm sorry for
the way I was too.

Look, Isaac, as long as
we're forgiving and forgetting,

- think you could do me a small favor?
- You name it.

Well, after we drop this
stuff off in our cabins,

Aleta and I are going to
get dangerous in the disco.

- Hey!
- [LAUGHTER]

And I was wondering if you could
set up a little champagne for two?

You know, something conducive
to a little post-boogie familiarity.

You got it. How about if I
deliver it around midnight?

Perfect. OK...

No, no, no, no, no.
This party's on me.

- Whoa! All right.
- Thanks, Isaac.

All right.

Yeah.

Mind if I join you?

I'm surprised you'd want to.

Yeah, that was quite a b*mb
you dropped at dinner, Mike.

Doc, I'll pay the town back every
penny they spent on me, I promise.

They'd rather have a doctor.

I'm sorry.

Look, when I agreed to set
up practice in Cedar Flats,

I'd never been more than
miles away from home.

Now I have.

[SIGHS] If you think I'm a
louse, I guess I can't blame you.

I don't think anything
like that, Mike.

You're one of the most
decent people I know.

You've just got your priorities
screwed up. That's all.

Good night, Mike.

Good night, Doc.

Wait a minute. Crew's quarters?

Jonathan, your cabin is
awfully far below decks, isn't it?

Yes. Well, you see, the trip
was a last-minute decision,

and I just had to take
whatever was available.

[SIGHS] Incredible.

Yeah, well, ah...

I don't mind telling
you, I'm impressed.

Impressed?

Well, it takes an awfully big man
to put up with such a dreadful cabin.

[CHUCKLES] You
know, you're right.

I've got safe deposit boxes
that are bigger than this.

Ow!

Oh, you poor baby!

Oh, here, let
me kiss it for you.

Then again, there is something
to be said for a small room.

It does bring people
closer together.

You know, this cabin seems to
be getting smaller and smaller.

You're awfully quiet.

Oh, I was just thinking
about when I was a kid.

You know, I used to think Cedar Flats
was the greatest little town in the world.

Honey, you sound
like a highway billboard.

[SIGHS] Maybe we
ought to reconsider.

Cedar Flats has a lot going
for it, when you think about it.

It's a great place to
live and raise a family.

When I think about
Cedar Flats, I fall asleep.

Oh, come on, be serious.

OK.

Serious is that there is no way I
am going to live out in the boonies.

Tracy, I gave them my word.

Darling, I understand
how you feel.

But if Cedar Flats is that
great, they'll find another doctor.

Now... I don't ever
want to hear about

your hometown again. OK?

Hometown? What hometown?

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hello.
- Hello, Isaac? Jesse.

Oh, hello, Uncle Jesse.

I'm just calling to make
sure you got everything ready.

- Everything's all set.
- Good.

Cause we're getting
ready to boogie on back.

Don't worry. I'll be
out of here, OK?

- Thanks a lot, Isaac.
- No problem, Uncle Jesse. Bye-bye.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Come in.

- Merrill, have you got a minute?
- Of course, Adam.

Merrill, I'd like to
request some time off.

Oh. Well, how long? Two, three
weeks? You've certainly earned it.

No, I was thinking more like a
leave of absence, six months.

- Perhaps longer.
- Adam...

what's wrong?

Mike is not going back
to practice in Cedar Flats.

And since I'm
responsible for the town

sending him through medical school,
I feel it's my duty to take his place,

at least until they can
find a permanent doctor.

That's a very generous impulse.

Don't you think you should
give it a bit more thought?

I've given it a lot of thought.

I know the situation in Cedar
Flats. They are... desperate.

Well... I can't guarantee that
the line will keep your job open.

You've got a lot to lose.

People back home
have a lot more to lose.

Can't you get
Mike to reconsider?

He's made up his mind.

Or... she's made up his mind.

[SIGHS] Well... what can I say?

When we get back to San
Pedro... leave of absence granted.

I appreciate it.

Adam...

I hate the thought
of losing you.

Cedar Flats will be getting
one heck of a doctor.

Oh, here you are!

Well, tell me.

- How was the date last night?
- It was very nice.

Very nice?

[HUFFS] Very nice is not very
much of a description, darling.

Could you give me
just a few more details?

OK, Jonathan and I
took a stroll on the deck.

Ah, well, that's a
nice beginning. And?

And we looked at the
moon and the stars.

Uh-huh. The moon and
the stars. That's nice.

And?

And then we went
back to his cabin.

His cabin!

And?

You know, Mom, you're right.

It is just as easy to fall
in love with a rich man.

Oh! We've got him hooked!

Oh, can I pick 'em
or can I pick 'em!

- Oh, honey!
- My dress is ruined!

Pay it no mind, darling.

As soon as you marry
a rich man like Jonathan,

you spill something on a
dress, you just throw it away.

Oh, Suzie, I saw what happened.
Listen, why don't you go see the valet?

I'm sure he can
fix you up in a jiffy.

- Thanks, Julie.
- That is a great idea.

Oh! I'm sorry, Johnny.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Uncle Jesse, I need
to talk to you, alone.

- Yeah. Sure.
- Please excuse us, Aleta.

I was... up all night wondering
where that money came from.

- What money?
- The money in the piñata.

Oh, that. Well, I was the one
millionth customer at Piñata City.

- I want the truth.
- No, you don't.

- You're gonna hate the truth.
- Please tell me.

It's counterfeit.

You're passing bad money?

Not passing, delivering. And
once I make this little delivery,

my... clients are going
to pay me a fortune.

They're already
springing for this cruise.

You know, I was beginning to think
that you came on board just to see me.

I did! I picked
this ship, didn't I?

Look, Isaac, I swear,
after this little deal,

no more scams and no more lying. I
can finally make something of myself.

If you want to make
something of yourself,

turn in the money now
and start your life all over.

And do what? Take some
nothing job like tending bar?

I'm sorry, Isaac.
I didn't mean that.

Uncle Jesse, please...
turn in the money.

- Oh, I can't do it, man.
- Then I will.

Wait a minute, Isaac.

I thought you said I was a
member of the family again?

Well, I thought you were too.

All right. I'll do it.

But look, let's wait until
after the party tonight.

That way, Aleta won't have
to know anything about it.

Do you expect me
to trust you again?

Oh, come on, Isaac,
just... just one more time.

OK.

But right after the party.

Thanks a lot, Isaac. I
knew I could count on you.

Oh, excuse me. You up there.

We have a bit of an emergency.
Do you think you could help us?

Of course, ma'am.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Hi.

Jonathan? What are you...?

Well, you see... the
valet wasn't here,

so I thought I would just
look for my own clothes.

I just borrowed this jacket.
It was kind of chilly in here.

He's a valet.

He's nothing but a valet!

A four-flushing valet! Come
on. Let's get out of here.

No, Suzie, wait.

- Why did you lie to me?
- Come on!

Honey, come back!
I was gonna tell you.

Right after the wedding.

If you're going to be such a pill, I
may not invite you on the honeymoon.

I'm sorry.

I'll get over it, I promise.

Excuse me.

- May I have a word with the both of you?
- Oh, sure, Captain.

I'm breaking a confidence, but I feel
there's something you should know.

About what?

Dr. Bricker's leaving the ship.

He's going back to Cedar
Flats to take your place.

- He is?
- Yes, and we'll miss him.

Adam Bricker's more than
just another fellow worker.

He's my very close friend.

- I just thought you should know.
- Thanks, Captain.

Well, that takes
care of your problem.

They're getting a doctor after
all. Now do you feel better?

Better? I feel rotten.

I can't let Doc do that.

I'm the one that should
be going back there.

And that's exactly
what I'm going to do.

You mean you're
changing your mind?

I never should have
changed it in the first place.

Now, look, Tracy.

I love you,

and there's almost nothing I wouldn't
do to spend the rest of my life with you.

But Cedar Flats is my home,
and I'm going back there.

What can I say?

Say you love me and
that you'll give it a try.

I'm sorry, Mike.

Cedar Flats might be your
home, but it's not going to be mine.

- Counterfeit? Oh, terrific! Great!
- Uncle Jesse swears he's not passing it.

- And you believe him?
- I don't know. I want to!

Isaac, Isaac, listen, you have
got to tell the captain. You have to.

But Uncle Jesse promised that
he'd turn the money in after the party.

And MacArthur
promised he'd return!

- Well, he did!
- He did?

- Yeah.
- Well, I was never any good at history.

Listen, Jesse has
committed a felony.

And when he told you, he made
you an accomplice to that felony.

And when you told me, you made
me an accomplice to the accomplice.

Now you can't just
turn the money in.

You have to turn him
in, for all of our sakes!

I can't do that. The
man is my uncle.

He's not my uncle.

- Captain Stubing? Sir, it's Gopher.
- [WHISPERS] No!

Sir, could Isaac and I
come up and speak to you?

Yes, it's important, sir.

[LAUGHS]

If you found the last story
amusing, you will just love this one.

I had spent a small fortune

on personally engraved,
solid gold golf tees.

And guess what happened?

They misspelled
my name. [LAUGHS]

How droll.

Now, what is so important?

Well, sir...

it's my Uncle Jesse.

Yes?

Uh... he...

bought a piñata.

And?

And...

he...

he left it in his room.

Go on.

Well, uh...

found it.

I see.

And after you found
it, what did you do?

Well...

I told Gopher.

And Mr. Smith, what did you do?

I told him to tell you.

Now, um...

Let me make sure
I understand this.

- Your Uncle Jesse bought a piñata...
- Yes, sir.

Left it in his room.

You found it. You told Gopher,
and Gopher told you to tell me.

Well, gentlemen,

I can't thank you enough for
bringing this to my attention.

BOTH: Thank you, sir.

What did you make of that?

Well, I can't say it's the
best lead I've ever had.

But I have been
watching Mr. Debbins,

and with your permission, I
would like to search his room.

That can be arranged.

GOPHER: [OVER PA] Good evening.
The ship will remain in Acapulco

until midnight.

[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS]

Tracy!

Daddy!

- [DAD CHUCKLES]
- Mm.

- You look as lovely as ever.
- Oh!

Now, where's that young
doctor of yours, hmm?

He's... around.
Come here. Sit down.

So... did you have a
good trip to Acapulco?

- Oh, very nice, very nice.
- Do you have room for one more?

Why, what's wrong?

Mike and I have split. He wants
to practice medicine back home.

In that little t*nk town he
comes from? Mud Flats?

- Cedar Flats.
- Whatever.

Listen, baby, don't worry.

I'll knock some sense
into his head, believe me.

Well, speak of the devil.

- Hello, Dr. Cotts.
- Mike.

Tracy.

Honey, I've been miserable.
I don't want to lose you.

Won't you think it over?

Young man, what kind of a damn
fool career choice are you making,

- moving back to that hick town of yours?
- Please, sir, you have to understand.

There are sick people there that
have to drive hours to get to a doctor.

There are sick
people everywhere.

The smart thing to do is
to hang up your shingle

where sick people
can afford to get well.

- Sir, I'm sure you don't mean that.
- I most certainly do.

How are those country bumpkins
going to pay you, anyway?

With a turkey and a
couple of jars of preserves?

Daddy!

If that's all they can
afford, that'll be fine.

Son, you have a lot to
learn about being a doctor.

There's no point in
going on with this.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

You could've convinced him, Daddy.
But all you talked about was money.

And in the years to come, that's
all he'll talk about too. Money.

How little of it he
has. Aren't you glad

we brought this whole thing out
into the open before you got married?

Well, I have to get back to
the yacht. Are you coming?

I don't think so, Daddy.

Suddenly life in a small town
sounds a whole lot more appealing.

Dr. Cotts, I presume.

You must be Dr. Bricker.

I... I hope I laid it on
thick enough for you.

It was an award-winning performance.
And I want to thank you for it.

I want to thank you for calling
and telling me what was happening.

I love that daughter of mine,
and I don't want her to lose Mike.

He's a terrific young man. Idealistic.
Just as I was when I was his age.

You haven't just helped Tracy and Mike.
You've helped make a whole town healthy.

Ah, I just did that because I didn't
want him to end up on Park Avenue.

I don't need the competition.

[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]

- [MUSIC STOPS]
- [APPLAUSE]

It's getting late.

You still think your uncle's
gonna turn that money in?

Yeah.

Oh, what do I know? I still
believe in the Easter Bunny.

Isaac, when you promised to
help Jesse arrange a super party,

- you weren't kidding!
- I always try to keep my promises.

Jesse, how about
going for a little stroll?

All right.

Just a minute, Mr. Debbins.
Does this belong to you?

- This is the one I couldn't find.
- Yeah, what are you doing with it?

Don Gray, United States
Treasury Department.

I found this in the
bottom of your closet.

- Uncle Jesse...
- Wait a minute.

Just because you found that in my
cabin doesn't mean it belongs to me.

- Then you won't mind if I look inside.
- No, I don't...

Let's go. You're staying
under lock and key for the night.

- Captain.
- Yes?

Thank you for all your help. If
possible, when we arrive in San Pedro,

I'd like to disembark before
the rest of the passengers.

I'll see to it. And
I'll take care of that.

- Thank you.
- Ah, Jesse...

It was fun while
it lasted, baby.

Thanks for coming to my
party. I had a real nice time.

Aleta...

I'm sorry it had to
happen this way, Isaac.

Agent Gray had to have positive
verification in front of witnesses.

- Johnny!
- Hmm?

Johnny, Mr. Bostwick is fuming.

He hasn't had his tuxedo
since the beginning of the cruise.

Well, I was going to get it
back to him, but I can't find it.

You can't find it?

Well, you better find it or you're
going to be in big trouble... Jonathan.

Look, would you call me Johnny? Jonathan
is someone I'd just as soon forget.

Look, Julie, I'll get it back to
him. I promise. I'll find it. OK?

OK. I'll just think of something
to tell him in the meantime.

Well, how do I look?

Like a million bucks.

[CLANK]

- Ah.
- Are you OK?

It serves me right.

I've been a bum.
I've been a heel.

Cut that out. You're
talking about the man I love.

You mean you still love me,

even though I don't wear
expensive clothes and I'm not rich?

Johnny, it was never
the tux I was attracted to,

- it was the man wearing it.
- The tux!

Honey, you have got to
get out of that tux right away.

You sure don't waste
any time, do you?

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

I thought by now you'd be
sailing away on a gallstone flipper.

I came out here to talk to you.

I figured we both owed each other
another chance to work things out.

I'd like to work things out,
Tracy, but I don't know what to do.

I mean, we're at an impasse.
We're both wrong and we're both right.

- No, that's not true.
- It's not?

No.

You're right and I'm wrong.

You're trying to make the world
better, at least your corner of it,

by helping people, and I wasn't
thinking about anybody but myself.

What are you trying to say?

I'm saying...

I'd like to go back to
Cedar Flats with you.

If the invitation's still open.

Are you sure you'll
be happy there?

Cedar Flats has to be a great
place if that's where you're from.

[TRACY GIGGLES]

GOPHER: [OVER PA] Your
attention, please. We will be debarking

in approximately minutes. All
passengers should check to see

that their customs declarations
are properly filled out.

Mr. Gray, could I talk
to you for a minute?

- Secret Service. Freeze!
- Isaac, get down!

- You OK, Jesse?
- Yeah, just get these things off.

- What about him?
- I'll handle it. That's my nephew.

Look, take good care of
this. This is the evidence.

Let's go.

JESSE: You can
get up now, Isaac.

- Uncle Jesse, what's going on?
- Maybe this will help.

United States
Treasury Department?

- You?
- Right.

But I thought that
Mr. Gray was...

Gray is a con artist who
impersonates federal agents

and preys on counterfeiters.

We decided to beat him with
a little con game of our own.

I'm sorry I had to set
you up like that, Isaac.

Yeah, you sure did.

Well, I couldn't be too obvious or
Gray would have suspected something.

So I trusted my favorite
nephew to do the right thing

and turn me in to the wrong man.

But I didn't really turn
you in, Uncle Jesse.

Whatever you did,
Isaac, it was enough.

You mean... all of those years

that we thought you
were dodging the law...

you were really working
undercover, right?

- Right.
- [LAUGHING]

That's great! Wait
till I tell Mama.

No, no, no, Isaac. Now, no
one must know that about me.

That's part of the job.

But Uncle Jesse, everyone's
going to think that you're a crook.

Not everyone.

Not my favorite nephew.

Well, as you once
said, you make me proud

- to be a member of the profession.
- Thank you, Doctor.

Bye.

Well... off we go
to Cedar Flats.

Would you believe it?
I'm looking forward to it.

She doesn't know we get snowed
in eight months out of the year.

Now I'm really
looking forward to it.

Johnny, aren't you working, or did
somebody take your clothes this time?

No, Julie, I am quitting.
Hanging up my hangers.

We're getting married.

- Oh, congratulations!
- JOHNNY: Thank you.

Uh... I know I'm not exactly who
you had in mind for a son-in-law.

As long as Suzie's
happy, I'm happy.

Besides... I'm not
losing a daughter,

I'm getting free dry cleaning.

[LAUGHTER]

- Goodbye, Isaac.
- Goodbye, Aleta.

Look, if you hear from your
Uncle Jesse, tell him I said hello.

In spite of everything that happened...
there's something I like about that man.

The feeling's mutual.

And I've got a hunch you'll
be hearing from him real soon.

OK. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Isaac, I want to apologize.

I was wrong about your
uncle and you were right.

Some people never change.

Don't take it so hard, though. We
all liked him. We all got taken in.

You can say that again.

BOTH: We all liked
him. We all got...