02x14 - Gomer, the Peacemaker

[bunniefuu]

Starring... as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring... as
Sergeant Carter.

♪ ♪

CARTER: I don't know
what you're yelling about.

We've been to that
place at least 20 times.

Well, I'm fed up with
that crummy place.

Oh, women! You're all alike!

You're never satisfied.

Look, Vincent, I'm
not hard to please.

I'm just sick and tired of you
and I going out every night

and sitting alone in the
back of some dark, dingy joint.

Now, what have you got against
the Electric Company anyhow?

That's your problem.

You wouldn't understand
atmosphere if you fell over it.

A candle sticking
out of a beer bottle

isn't what I call atmosphere.

It was a wine bottle.

I don't care what it was.

Why can't we ever
go out dancing?

Dancing?

Yeah, dancing.

Look, I get all the exercise
I need out at the base.

In the evening, I like to relax.

I like to sit around and...

In those little,
dark places, I know.

Well, why can't we ever go
out with some other people?

I work all day with a platoon.

I don't have to travel
with one at night, too.

Just take me dancing.

Is that so much to ask?

Just one night, take me dancing.

You want to dance?

Go out with Fred Astaire!

Maybe I will! Then do it!

As soon as you
leave, I just might!

I'm leaving! Good!

And I'm not coming back!

That just suits me fine!

Take her dancing,
take her dancing!

You women are all
alike. You're never...

Aw, you don't know
how to treat a girl.

(panting)

(piano plays)

Frankie, there's just one thing

about that movie that
I didn't understand.

What?

Well, you remember when
the good guy went to jail

posing as the bad guy
so he could get information

from the real bad guy as
to where he hid the money?

Yeah. So?

Well, how did the bad guy,

the real bad guy, know

that the good guy
wasn't really a bad guy,

but was only acting
like he was a bad guy

when he was really a good guy?

Well, don't you remember the guy

who was in the cell
with the bad guy?

Do you mean the real bad guy,

or the bad guy that
was really a good guy?

No, no. In the cell
with the real bad guy...

That guy was a bad guy, too.

And he knew the good guy

because the good guy was
the one who sent him up,

so he told the other
bad guy about it.

Oh.

So if the bad guy hadn't
have known the good guy,

then the other bad guy
wouldn't have known

that the good guy wasn't
really the bad guy, right?

Look, Gomer, why don't
you wait till next year?

By that time, it'll
be on television.

And you can watch it again.

No. I think I understand.

If the bad guy...
Hey, look over there.

(sighs)

Yeah. Let me have a beer.

Don't, Gomer.

It sure doesn't look like the
Sarge wants any company.

Well, he hasn't
seen us yet, Frankie.

He just seen us, Frankie.

He waved back.

Hey, Sergeant.

We seen you when you come in.

Oh, hi, fellas.

Come on, sit down, sit down.

Oh, boys, where you been?

Nowhere much, we
just been to the movies.

Good.

It's good for you to get away

from the daily
routine and relax.

You deserve it.

You work hard.

(clears throat)

Uh... Uh, wh-where
you been, Sergeant?

Uh, any place special?

You know, I've never been one

to look back to see
where I've been.

I'd rather look forward
to see where I'm going.

My past lies behind me.

There's nothing I
can do about that.

But my future lies ahead,

dark and mysterious.

Life is strange.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

Why? Where are
you going tomorrow?

No, Pyle.

It's just an expression.

You know, I was just
sitting here thinking

how little we know
about each other.

You take a girl, for instance.

You think you know her,

you think you have simpatico.

(soft chuckle)

Then all of a sudden, poof!

Whole thing goes up
in a cloud of smoke.

Golly.

That ain't never happened to me.

You know Bunny?

Miss Bunny, your girlfriend?

Sure, I know her.

She's real pretty,
and she's real nice.

I really like her.

How is she? Poof!

Golly. You mean...

Poof! Tonight, the whole thing
went up in a cloud of smoke.

Well, Sergeant, uh...

Hmm. I might have married her.

Ah, you never know.

You never know.

Would you excuse
us, please, Sergeant?

We got to go.

Oh, sure, sure,
go ahead, fellas.

Have a good time.

I'll just sit here and think.

We'll see you later.

Come on.

Another one.

You know, life is like a beer.

Once you lose your
head, you're all finished.

Gomer, wait a minute.
Now, what's the matter?

Why are we leaving so suddenly?

Ain't it terrible?

Golly, I never have seen
Sergeant Carter like that.

Did you notice how
red his eyes was?

Oh, Gomer, come on now.

There's nothing sadder
in the whole world

than a Marine Sergeant
who's been crying.

Gomer, you don't
have to worry about it.

I mean, he'll get over it.

Look, why don't we
just go back inside...

No, we got to do
something, we just got to.

Gomer, now, look,
you stay out of it.

That's the trouble
with people today.

They're too proud after a fight

to admit that either
one of them is wrong.

Gomer, now you know Carter.

He would never go
to her and apologize.

Right, but why can't I go?

You?!

(knocking at door)

(sniffles)

Hey, Miss Bunny.

Gomer.

If you're looking
for Sergeant Carter,

he isn't here.

Uh, no, ma'am.

Uh, me and my friend
wanted to talk to you

for a minute or two.

It's kind of important.

Well, yeah, sure.

Come on in.

Oh, this is my friend
here, Frankie Lombardi.

Frankie, this is Miss Bunny.

Hi, Miss Bunny.

Well, hi, Frankie.

Well, uh, won't you sit down?

Uh, could I get you something?

Oh, no. No, thank
you. We're fine.

Oh. What's on your mind?

Well, uh... We just
seen Sergeant Carter...

What could that possibly
have to do with me?

Well, I... I guess
we'll be running along.

No, wait a minute, Frankie.

You see, Miss Bunny,

he feels just awful
about you two going poof.

I've never seen him so upset,

and he looks
terrible, just terrible.

Don't he, Frankie?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I think he was crying.

Is this on the level?

If you don't believe us,

why don't you come
see for yourself?

You'll see how bad
he feels without you,

and you'll see how
lonesome he is,

just sitting there all alone.

Gee, that's kind
of hard to believe.

Please say you'll come.

Why, the sight of you will
make a new man out of him.

Well, I don't know, Gomer.

Why doesn't he call me?

Oh, you know... Yeah, I know.

That big proud teddy bear.

Then you'll come?

All right.

Wait. I'll go get my purse.

Thank you, Miss Bunny.

I thank you,

and the teddy bear's
gonna thank you.

(piano playing,
indistinct chatter)

You know, life is
like a paper napkin.

Vince!

Vince Carter! Vince!

Toby! Toby Eigler!

(laughs): Not anymore.
Toby Comstock.

This is my husband, Bill.

Bill, this is Vince Carter,
an old flame of mine.

Hi, Vince. Hi, Bill.

Very nice to meet you.

You sure broke a lot of hearts

when you took
her off the market.

Say, can you sit
down and have a drink?

We'd like to, but we're
meeting some friends.

Tell them I'll be
right over, honey.

I just want to sit here and
talk to Vince for a few minutes.

It's been ages. Okay.

Nice to have met you, Bill.

Same to you, Vince.
Sit down, Tobe.

Hey!

You look just great, Toby.

He's right over there.

Wait till you see him.

I hope you recognize him.

There...

Thanks a lot, fellas.

I'm sure glad you
talked me into this.

Now I can go home
and read a book.

Now will you keep your nose
out of other people's business?

Look what you've done now.

Maybe I should have done
it the other way around.

Why don't we talk
to Sergeant Carter?

We?! Now, wait a minute, Gomer.

Count me out.

I sure wish you'd
come along, Frankie.

It's a kindly, charitable act,

and I think it'd make you proud.

Oh, yeah.

(piano playing)

Come on.

Hi, fellas.

Where you been?

Well, uh, we went out,

and, uh, guess who we seen?

Miss Bunny.

No kidding?

You saw Bunny?

Mm-hmm. Where?

Well, she was, uh, coming
out of her apartment.

Right, Frankie?

Y-Yeah, that's right.

That's where it
was... Her apartment.

That's where we
saw her coming out of.

Her apartment.

Yup, that was it.

I wonder where she was going.

Well, the last thing
I heard her say was,

she was gonna stay
home and read a book.

Isn't that what
she said, Frankie?

Uh, yeah, that
was it. I heard her.

She said she was gonna
go home and read a book.

Wait a minute.

You saw her coming
out of her apartment,

and she said she was gonna
go home and read a book?

Well, maybe she had
to go out and buy one.

FRANKIE: Yeah,
like-like to the drugstore

to buy one of those, um,
uh... uh... paperbacks.

I think I might've heard her say

she was gonna go home
and read a... a paperback.

You kidding?

She's too popular to sit home

carrying a torch for me. Huh.

(loud crowd chatter, and
lively dance music plays above)

(knocking at door)

Hey, Bunny. Hi, Phyllis.

Hey, so you're the one
that's been knocking.

I didn't even know
you were home.

I'm sorry, Phyllis.

It's just that I
was trying to read,

and I thought maybe

you could keep it a
little quieter up there.

Hey, I'm having a party.
Why don't you come up?

No, thanks.

I've got some fun
people up there.

I sure hate to see
you miss out on it.

Maybe next time.

Well, okay.

If you change your
mind, we'll be up there.

All right, honey. Thank you.

I'll try to keep the noise down.

Okay.

I think it's ridiculous
to go over there.

It's a wild goose chase.

She won't be there.

She will. I know it.

I'll bet you a dollar
to a doughnut,

she's sitting there reading
a book all by herself.

Right, Frankie?

Yeah, reading a book,
and probably crying.

Reading and crying.

Let's go.

(knocking at door)

Come in.

You won't come to the party,

so we're gonna
bring the party to you.

Come on, g*ng!

(laughter and loud chatter)

(loud dance music playing)

Well, at least somebody's
having a good time tonight.

Don't you worry, Sergeant.

Everything's gonna be okay

once you see that
lonesome little face.

(music playing, loud,
overlapping chatter)

(laughter)

Hey, here come three more!

I better get some
more soda, too.

I warned you to keep your
nose out of their business.

Didn't I, Gomer?

But you had to go and
play the peacemaker.

Now, I hope you
learned a lesson.

I know.

Suppose I went to Miss
Bunny and told her...

Aw, for Pete's sakes,
Gomer, now stay out of it.

If you'd let them
alone in the first place,

th-they'd probably
be together by now.

I know, but if I...
No buts about it.

Now, look, do you want
to help Sergeant Carter?

Stay out of his life.

I suppose you're right.

Quick, put some
elbow grease into it.

Here comes Sergeant Carter.

(Marines yelling
indistinctly in background)

Hey, Sergeant.

Me and Frankie here are doing

a real good job on the windows.

The corners and all.

You know, Pyle...

life is like a pane of glass.

One minute, the sun
is shining through.

Then all of a sudden,
there's a storm.

Everything gets all blurry,

and if the pressure
gets to be too much...

it cracks.

I got to do something.

I just can't stand
here and do nothing.

I got to do something.

Now, Gomer, you said you
were going to keep out of it.

No, I'm gonna help him.

Only this time I'm gonna
get help to help him.

Oh, Gomer, what
are you talking about?

I'm gonna go see the chaplain.

He'll know what to do.

The chaplain?! Now,
look, Gomer, you can't...

You ain't gonna
talk me out of it.

If you don't want to go
with me, I'll go by myself.

Some people just feel things
more deeply than others.

You know what I mean, Chaplain?

A lot of fellers
get real excited

and show their feelings,

whereas others just
keep it inside and suffer.

And this friend of yours
is more like the latter type?

Sir? He suffers silently.

Oh, yes, sir, and it can
break your heart just to see it.

I'm terribly worried
about him, sir.

Honest, I am.

Well, you're a good friend, son,
and that's what this man needs:

understanding friends
who will cheer him up

when he's in this
depressed condition.

After a while,
he'll snap out of it.

Well, I sure hope so.

He looked awful this
morning, just awful.

Well, that's why it's
important to stay close to him.

It's at times like these they're
apt to do irresponsible things.

Irresponsible things?

Yeah, you know,
like go into town and...

And do away with
his self, you mean?

Well, I really didn't
mean quite that.

I know. I've read about it
in the papers lots of times

where a fella has
a fight with his girl

and then does
away with his self.

Well, no, son, you see...

Oh, I can just see it happening.

I can close my eyes and see him

with that sad face,
walking right straight out

into the ocean till
it's over his head,

just like James Mason
done in A Star Is Born.

I assure you, nothing
like that will happen.

Now, you just get back
to your friend and, uh,

do the best you can to
take his mind off his worries.

Thank you, Chaplain,
I'll do my best.

Just one more thing I
wanted to say, Chaplain.

I hope you don't mind

my not mentioning
the name of my friend.

No, not at all, son, not at all.

You know how it is.

He might feel kind of funny,

my coming here
without his knowledge,

so that's the reason

I didn't mention his name.

I understand perfectly.

He might get angry
if I said who he was,

and when Sergeant Carter
gets angry, he really gets angry.

It kind of slipped out.

Forget it. I won't
breathe it to a soul.

Oh, thank you,
Chaplain, thank you.

Now, you get back to your friend

and, uh, see what you
can do to lift his spirits.

Yes, sir.

Okay, Gomer, you
saw the chaplain.

Now can we please
get back to our work?

Get back to work?

You heard what he said.

I gotta stick around
Sergeant Carter.

He needs me now.

Vince, you look awful.

If I were you, I'd take
it easy in town tonight.

That's just what
I'm going to do.

I mean, from the way your
eyes look with those circles under.

I know how I look.

And you want to know why?

I haven't slept for
three nights, that's why.

Sorry.

It's tough enough to sleep
with the problems I got,

but when I finally do,

there's always
some interruption,

and boom, there goes the sleep.

So what's the plan?

I'm going into town.

I'm going to get a room on
the top floor of the Norma Hotel

away from everything
and everybody,

and then I'm going to
sleep and sleep and sleep.

Good idea.

That business about
Bunny really threw you, huh?

Well... What had
to be had to be.

But now I'm going
to get a grip on myself

and a good night's
sleep will help out.

Is it quiet at the Norma?

Sure.

No interruptions.

And even if it
isn't... What's that?

Earplugs.

Really shuts out the noise.

Good deal.

You know, Boyle...
life is like a locker.

How's that?

I'll see you, Boyle.

Take it easy, Sarge.

I wonder where he's going.

Now, I don't know, but
wherever he's going,

it doesn't look
like he needs you,

so Gomer, please, let's
just go back and finish our...

I'm gonna find out.

Oh, my... Hey, Corporal.

What's the matter?

You guys got nothing to do?

Well, uh, we was looking
for Sergeant Carter.

Sergeant Carter's gone.

He won't be back today.

Oh, do you know where he went?

He went to town, okay?

Do you know if he
had a date, Corporal?

What are you, a cop?

No, he didn't have a date.

The reason he went to
town was to get away.

To get away from everybody.

Satisfied?

Well, do you know where
we can find him in town?

Look, Pyle, he didn't
want to be disturbed.

He went to the Hotel Norma
and all he wants to do is sleep.

Sleep?!

That's right.

He took a room at the hotel

so he could sleep
and sleep and sleep.

That's what he told me.

Now, get out of here

and stop asking
so many questions.

Did you hear that, Frankie?

All he wants to do is
sleep and sleep and sleep

in a hotel room. Yeah.

We gotta do something,
gotta do something quick.

Uh, this is Vince Carter in 517.

Until you hear
different from me,

I don't want to
be disturbed at all.

I'm going to be sleeping,
so, uh, no calls, nothing.

Thank you.

(sighs)

(siren wailing)

You got to believe
me, Miss Bunny.

He's gonna do
away with his self.

Oh, fellas, please, you're
insulting my intelligence.

I know Vince Carter.

He made you do this, right?

No, you haven't seen him
these last couple of days.

He's a broken man.

It's the truth, Miss Bunny.

He does nothing
but talk to himself.

Well, that's a new
way to commit su1c1de.

He's going to bore
himself to death.

No, you don't know what
you're saying, Miss Bunny.

Why, this very
minute, he could be...

Oh, yeah? Then why
did you come here?

Why didn't you go to the
police instead, huh? Why?

Well, you know Sergeant Carter.

He wouldn't listen
to the police. Never.

You're the only one that can
save him, you're the only one

he'll listen to, but if
you're not coming,

maybe we had
better go to the police.

We'd better hurry.

Come on, Frankie.

Wait a minute,
boys, wait a minute.

I'm coming with you.

The room clerk will
be back in 15 minutes.

We can't wait that long.

Can you tell us what room
Sergeant Vincent Carter is in?

Oh, Vincent Carter, he
just checked in, room 517.

Oh, but you can't go up there.

He doesn't want to be disturbed.

He went to sleep.

At 6:00 in the evening?

It's too late; we came too late.

No, it can't be. Come on.

Here it is... 517.

Oh, please, don't let us be
too late, please don't, please!

Do something! Knock on the door!

(loud knocking)

(panting)

(loud thudding)

Oh!

Sergeant Carter!

Vince!

(crying): Oh, Vince!

(crying)

(screams)

What is this?! What's
going on here?!

You're alive!

You're not dead!

Sergeant, what happened?

(mutters)

What is this? What's
going on here?

What are you people doing here?

What are we doing here?!

What are you doing here?!

What does it look
like I was doing here?

I was sleeping, that's
what I was doing!

Sleeping?!

Sleeping?

CARTER: Yeah, yeah, sleeping.

Something I haven't
done in three nights.

And guess why?
Well, don't look at me.

I came down here
to save your life.

At least that's what
someone told me.

Well, uh, I guess
I made a mistake.

Well, you're not the only one.

Bunny, wait.

You mean you came over
here because you thought

that I... that I...

Well, the way they
made it sound...

And you came racing over
here because you was afraid...

Well, of course I
came racing over.

Naturally, I came racing over.

Oh, Bunny, I feel like a sap

for the way I acted toward you.

I really do.

Well, how do you think I feel?

Was it really because of me

that you couldn't
sleep for three nights?

Well, yeah.

I was pretty upset.

I missed you a lot, Bun.

Same here, Vince.

Well, you did it, Gomer.

They're together again.

Oh, bless their hearts.

We'll leave you two alone.

Miss Bunny, we'll
be right outside.

They're entitled
to a little privacy.

(loud crowd chatter)

Hey, Frankie, see 'em?

It's just like watching a
movie with a happy ending.

(laughs)

Vince, it's, uh, Gomer.

Huh?

Act like you didn't see
them! Duck. Duck. Duck.

He's already seen us.

Huh?

Hey, Sergeant. Hey, Miss Bunny.

Well, well, well.

It's sure good to see you two
together, happy and everything.

And to think, this is the
place where it started

just the other night.

Do you know the whole story of
what happened and everything?

I mean, everything?

Well, yeah, I...

Well, it's a story
worth telling.

Here's how it happened
right from the start.

You see, Frankie and me were
sitting at that table right over yonder,

and then Sergeant Carter came in
looking like he just lost his last friend.

You looked just terrible,
Sergeant. So, anyways...