04x24 & 04x25 - Write and Wrong/Purrfect Gig
Posted: 08/10/22 17:42
- * Crashing through
the crowded halls *
* Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls *
* Just to reach the bathroom
on time *
* Leaping over laundry piles *
* Diapers you can smell
for miles *
* Guy's got to do
what he can to survive *
- * In the Loud house *
* In the Loud house *
- * Duck, dodge, push,
and shove *
* Is how we show our love *
- * In the Loud house,
in the Loud house *
- * One boy and ten girls *
* Wouldn't trade it
for the world *
- * Loud Loud Loud *
* Loud house *
- Poo-poo.
[idyllic music]
* *
[kids yelling]
- Get back here!
- Keep going.
- [laughs]
Get it?
- Lynn, check this out.
- Who has gout?
- No, I said look at this.
- I'm not cooking fish!
[kids yelling]
[rock music blaring]
[both sigh]
- Wow, it gets loud--
in there.
What's up?
- Remember when I said I needed
a new writing challenge
now that my novel is done?
- Yes.
- And that I was hoping
I could make writing
my full-time career?
- Yes.
- Ba-bam!
I-I heard Lynn Jr. say that.
Anyway, look.
The "Royal Woods Gazette"
is looking
for a writer to pen
a weekly parenting column.
- Wow!
You're the perfect fit
for this.
You'll totally slay.
I heard Leni say that.
Anyway, you should definitely
go for it.
- Thanks, honey.
I'm gonna email my resume
right away.
[kids yelling,
rock music blaring]
Well, in a few minutes.
[both sigh]
* La da dee, la da da,
la da dum *
[ringtone chimes]
Hello?
- Rita Loud?
Jesse Hiller from
the "Royal Woods Gazette."
Here's the headline:
I think you're
a perfect candidate
for the columnist job.
Our readers would love to hear
how a mother of
keeps it together
in our new column
Perfect Parenting.
- Hold on.
Perfect Parenting?
- Stop the presses.
Is there a problem?
[kids yelling]
- Poo-poo.
[whistle blows]
- [sighs]
No problem at all.
If you want perfect
parenting advice,
you've come to
the right place.
- Wonderful!
Then the last step
is going on the record
with an in person interview.
- Great.
Just tell me
when it's convenient,
and I'll come by your office.
- Oh, no.
I want to see you in action.
Like the "Gazette's"
afternoon delivery,
I'll be on your doorstep
at : .
- Aah!
I mean great.
See you then.
[sighs]
No problem.
I've totally got this.
[expl*si*n]
- I'm okay!
Do we have any industrial
strength glue?
- I can't stress enough
how important
this interview is, kids.
I really want this job,
so I need you all of you
to be perfect.
[kids groaning]
- Are you kidding me?
- Being good is hard enough.
I don't know
if we can reach perfect.
- [imitates buzzer]
Spoiler: we can't.
- Sigh.
- Ga-ga.
- This is worrisome.
- Highly impractical.
- Okay, okay.
How about this?
If I get the job,
I'll take you to Jean-Juan's
French Mex Buffet
for a celebration dinner.
[kids gasp]
- You can count on us, Mom!
- Yeah, we are gonna impress
the snot out of this lady!
- Yeah, uh, we don't need
an illustration.
- Come on, guys,
let's go get perfect!
- [laughs]
[animals groan]
- Yes, I know bribery
isn't perfect parenting,
but I want this job.
[doorbell rings]
Why, Ms. Hiller,
welcome to my home!
- Hello, Rita.
Headline: you look lovely.
Sub head:
your home is immaculate.
- [chuckles]
Would you care
for a homemade blueberry muffin
or some
fresh squeezed lemonade?
- Oh, you really do have it
all together, don't you?
Mmm, mmm.
- [yowls]
- Mmm.
- [sighs]
Would you like to meet
my little angels?
Oh, children!
- I'm Laurie.
- I'm Leni.
- Luna, at your service.
- I'm Luan.
- Lynn Loud, Junior.
- Lincoln.
- Hello, I'm Lucy.
- Lana.
Nice to meet ya.
- Lola Loud.
Charmed, I'm sure.
- Lisa Loud, PhD.
- Wi-wee.
- Well, aren't you all
a delight?
Now tell me,
what's it like having
a mom like yours?
- Excellent question, dude--
uh, ma'am.
I think we can best answer it
in song.
* Life in the Loud house
is like no other *
- * And that's all thanks
to our amazing mother *
* *
- * She takes me where
I need to be *
- * She helps me
with my poetry *
- * She's everybody's
cup of tea *
kids:
* She's our amazing mother *
* *
- [laughs nervously]
- * She helps us
with our growing pains *
- * And nourishes
our growing brains *
- * You should see her
fly a plane *
kids:
* She's our amazing mother *
- * She keeps us laughing,
never solemn *
- * She really makes our lives
the b*mb *
kids: * That's why she should
write your column *
* We think
she's an amazing mom *
- Sensational!
This reviewer
gives you five stars.
[laughs]
- Another flawless performance,
children.
Now why don't you head upstairs
and play quietly?
- Can we clean
our rooms instead?
- [laughs]
Of course.
- Well, Rita, this afternoon
was absolutely perfect!
Breaking news: you're hired!
[cheering]
[light applause]
- Thank you, Jesse.
[laughs]
I'm speechless.
- That's all right.
Save you words for the column.
[humming tune]
[kids cheering]
- Hey, I'm ready for the song--
oh, no, I missed it!
[idyllic music]
- Dear Homework Harpy,
remind your children
that they can have fun
once their homework is done.
It's a simple rhyme that will
increase their productivity.
Dear Manic at Mealtime,
if your kids are picky eaters,
just arrange their veggies
into a beautiful mosaic,
and invite them
to eat a masterpiece.
Dear Bathtime Bungler--
Dear Mall Meltdown--
Dear Potty Training Patsy--
* *
- Excuse me.
Are you Rita Loud from
the Perfect Parenting column?
- Why, yes, I am!
- I read your column every day!
[whispers]
I'm Homework Harpy.
[kids yelling]
[loud crash]
Oh, look at
those wild children.
Where are their parents?
- Well, I'll tell you
where they're not.
At home reading my column
on how to control your kids
in public.
- [laughs]
That's for sure.
Well said,
Perfect Parent.
- Come on, come on. Let's go.
[door chimes]
- What about the groceries?
- Leave 'em!
[kids yelling]
- [clears throat]
Windshield cleaner's not free.
That'll be five cents a swipe.
- Ugh!
Never mind, Flip.
- Excuse me,
aren't you Rita Loud
from the
Perfect Parenting column?
- Oh, uh--yup, I am.
[chuckles]
- Can I get your autograph?
[car alarm and kids yelling]
- Actually, no,
I'm not Rita Loud.
I'm, uh, Flip's sister, Flo.
I'll still sign your
ding dang newspaper, chief,
but it'll cost you
five bucks.
- [laughs uneasily]
- Aah!
- Whoo-hoo!
Movie time.
[kids cheering]
[phone buzzes]
- Guys, Mom texted.
She had to run
to the "Gazette."
So I'll drive us instead.
[tense music]
- What?
I can't risk being seen
with them right now.
[judgmental noises]
I saw that eye roll!
* *
[chatter]
- I barely knew her!
[cheers]
- Mom, hi!
- What up, stranger?
- Oh, well,
this is a nice hello.
- We just haven't seen you
for a couple of days.
- I know, I'm so sorry.
I've been really busy
with the column.
- Well, at least we have
our big night!
- Huh?
- Last week you promised
that if we behaved perfectly
for our new potential boss,
you'd take us to Jean Juan's.
[kids cheering]
- Bring on the bloating!
- Yes!
- The queso is to die for.
- Ooh, uh--oh kids, I'm sorry,
I don't--
- Aw, you promised!
- [stammering]
Okay, I have an idea.
Let's go right now.
- Really?
It's : .
Even Pop Pop
doesn't eat this early.
- Jean Juan's is literally
going to be empty.
- Let's hope!
[lively music]
* *
[sighs]
We'd love a table in the back,
or you know,
in the kitchen.
Or the back works.
[nervous laugh]
[slurping]
- Careful, Mr. Coconuts!
You've got a chip
on your shoulder!
[laughs]
[as Coconuts] Hey!
Less jokes, more salsa!
[gurgling]
- Duck, duck, duck, goose!
[shrieks]
- This goose came to play!
- Ayo!
Lincoln, go long!
- I got it!
- What a fun idea having our
editorial meeting here!
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
- I hear the guac
is newsworthy.
- [whispering] Kids.
Psst!
We need to go.
Waiter, check please!
- [humming]
Whoops.
[shrieking]
- Oh, my!
- Ghost, ghost, vampire.
- Oh, me?
Oh, wait, I wasn't--
- Gasp.
- Aah!
[all shout]
- [grunts]
What in the name of
the funny pages
is going on here?
- Oh!
Hi Mom's boss!
- [groans]
- The Loud family?
- Uh, you got us confused
with someone else.
We're Flip's kids.
- Flossie.
What's it to ya, chief?
- I'm Flannery, champ.
- Yeah, and I'm, uh,
literally, uh, Flora.
- Wait, what?
- Oh.
That's okay, kids.
[grunts]
You don't have to lie for me.
Hi, Jesse.
- What's going on, Rita?
Have your children been bitten
by rabid raccoons or something?
- [sighs]
If only.
- No, this is how
we really are.
What you saw at my house
was an act.
- But the muffins, the song,
the matching outfits?
- All fake.
I knew you wanted
a perfect parent,
and I wanted the job so--
[sighs]
I'm not a perfect parent.
I try to do my best,
and some days are great,
but some days
are more than I can handle.
Parenting is my favorite job,
but it's also the hardest.
I'm sorry I misled you.
- I'm sorry too.
Clearly, you are not right
for the column.
This just in:
you're fired.
- Now, hold on, Jesse.
I-I love what she just said.
- Yeah, parenting is hard.
I wish that was in the column.
- Really?
You relate to this?
- Yeah, the other day
it took minutes
to get my kids in the car.
- Hmm, well, I guess you both
would know better than me.
I don't even have kids.
[laughs]
- Does that mean our mom
isn't fired?
- This just in:
your mom can keep her job!
kids: Yes!
Go Mom!
- Rita, forget being perfect.
From now on, just be authentic.
- Thank you, Jesse.
I can do that.
- Whoo!
Burrito spike!
Yeah!
- Congratulations.
Now would you mind celebrating
somewhere else?
[gasping]
- It's okay.
We get this a lot.
[upbeat rock music]
* *
- Luna love!
Am I gonna see you
at my concert this weekend?
- Aw, I hope so.
I just need to figure out
how to get enough money
for a VIP pass.
- Well, you never know when
opportunity comes a-knockin'.
[knocking on door]
- [heavy breathing]
- Ah, hey, McBs!
How goes it?
- It's like a waking nightmare!
[heavy breathing]
- Deep breaths, Howie.
- Dude, what's going on?
- We were about to leave
to pick up Nana Gayle
for the annual
McBride Family Reunion.
Nana and I are the reigning
sack race champs
four years running.
This one time, Nana started
hopping an--
- Clyde, honey, short version.
I've got pounds of Amish
potato salad out in the trunk,
and it's threatening
to turn on me.
- Oh, right.
So in a nutshell,
our cat sitter canceled
at the last minute.
- Luna, is there any chance
someone here
could come and watch Cleopawtra
and Nepurrtiti for the day?
- We pay $ .
- I don't know.
Lori's gone.
She hit the golf course early,
and Leni's already at work,
so she can't help.
- [screams]
Aah!
- Psst, Luna, love.
You should take the gig.
You still need some more cash
for that VIP pass
to my concert.
I heard Sam's
already got hers.
- Come on, Luna!
It'll be rockin'!
- * [squeals] *
[rock music]
- McBs!
I could catsit for you!
- [sighs]
Oh, Luna, you're a lifesaver.
Here's our house key.
We left all the kitty care
instructions
on the kitchen table, and--
Oh!
And just one rule:
we ask that you please don't
have anyone else over.
Our babies get anxious
when they're faced with more
than one stranger at a time.
- Dr. Lopez is working with them
on their trust issues.
- No prob, dudes.
- Okay, Clyde.
You know the drill.
- [grunting]
- [dazed sighing]
[both grunting]
- [sighs]
Thanks again, Luna.
We'll be home at : sharp.
- Sounds good!
And don't worry, your
fur babies are in good hands!
* *
[whistling]
Cleo, Nep!
Auntie Luna's here!
Okay, let's find those
kitty care instruct--
[shrieks]
Eee--ooh!
"McBride Guide to Feline Care
with Index and Annotations.
Revised Sixth Edition."
[gulps] Yikes.
This looks like a lotta--
[rock music]
But it's worth it!
Wh-wh--whoa!
Okay, let's see.
"The girls' mid-morning snack
is in the refrigerator.
"Warning: they're on a strict
feeding schedule.
Food must be served promptly
at : or they get cranky."
Oh, : !
I better get on that.
[humming]
Hang tight, kitties.
I just gotta open this--
[cats growling]
[hissing]
Oof!
[groans]
I guess dinner's on me.
[laughs uneasily]
"Attach leashes to harnesses
and keep a firm grip.
The cats may pull!"
Yah!
- Ah?
- Make way, brah!
No kitty brakes!
- Huh?
Oh--wah--eee!
Whew.
[grunts]
[birds chirping]
- Meal portions, medical--
messes!
Bingo!
"If the cats get messy,
prepare a warm, soothing bath."
["bath" echoes]
No, no, no, no, no!
Come back!
[heavy breathing]
Ooh!
[sighs]
[heavy breathing]
Aw, come on, dudettes!
Aha!
Aw.
- [hissing]
- [gasps]
[exhales]
Here we go.
[screaming]
[yowling]
Here!
Ugh!
No!
Oof.
[frantic music]
* *
- [grunting]
- [hissing]
- [gurgling]
- Hey, poppet,
how goes the gig?
- Bad!
I am so overwhelmed, Mick!
I haven't made a dent in
everything I'm supposed to do,
and the McBs'll be back
in a few hours.
- Well, you better get crackin'
if you wanna catch my show
with Sam!
- [gasps]
Sam!
She's great with cats!
Thanks, Mick.
- Wait, love, let's not do
anything too hasty.
[shrieks]
[knocking on door]
- Sam,
you're the best!
How'd you get here so fast?
- I was around the corner
picking up Simon
from his gamers club meeting,
so we came right over.
[purring]
- We?
[knocking]
[gaming beeps]
- Hi, Luna!
[anxious music]
- Hey!
That's harsh.
- Sorry, I didn't mention it
on the phone,
but I'm not supposed
to have anyone else over.
The cats get anxious.
I mean, I figured
you'd be okay,
'cause animals love you
and all--
[knocking]
- Well, we can't leave
my little brother out there.
- It is nice weather.
- Luna!
- Right, right.
Okay.
We just need to make sure
the cats don't see him.
[sneaky music]
- [meows]
- Cool.
What is this place?
- The McBride's
entertainment room.
You can hang out here while Sam
and I take care of the cats.
- No way!
A Dream Walker
virtual reality system!
- Uh, well, just promise
you'll be careful, okay?
That's Clyde's.
- Promise.
[laser whooshes]
- All right, let's take care
of those cats.
[rock music]
* *
- Ready or not,
here I come!
* *
- Gotcha!
- [meows]
[laughs]
[beeping]
* *
[shriek]
- * Sleep, furry babies,
in kitty dream land *
- * With visions of yarn balls
and tuna fish cans *
- * For when you're awake,
the day dawns anew *
both:
* And morning shall greet you *
* With a bright and happy
"mew!" *
[cats purring]
- Phew.
Sam, I owe you big time.
- Psh.
Please.
I'm just psyched we're gonna
get to see Mick together.
I better duck out before
the McBrides get back.
- All righty.
See you, Sam.
- [humming]
[electronic whooshing]
[gasps]
Simon!
[panting]
Uh?
Ah!
- Well, I thought your
potato salad was delicious.
- Then why did everyone
go for Aunt Brenda's, hmm?
A-and she wasn't even
supposed to bring any.
She signed up for dessert.
- Hey, McBs.
Welcome home!
- Luna, how did it go
with our precious fluff angels?
- Flawless.
They had snacks,
they went for a run--
[stammers] I mean, walk.
We even played--Simon!
Says.
We played Simon Says!
- Well, we're so grateful you
could help us out in a pinch.
- Thanks so much, Luna.
- [groans]
Wait!
- Is everything okay?
- Hey, did you want to take
some potato salad for the road?
- sh**t!
I just realized I lost...
a guitar pick
somewhere in the house.
- Oh, well,
we'll keep an eye out for it,
and we'll have Clyde
bring it over.
- No, no, no, no, no.
It's my lucky one.
I can't jam without it.
[laughs nervously]
I bet we'll find it in no time
if you dudes just help look.
Why don't you check
in the bathroom?
And I'll just look out here.
[beeping]
- Luna, did they see Simon?
- Not yet.
If you can sneak around
the house to the back door,
I'll find him
and hand him off to you.
- On it.
[beeps]
[groans] Ow!
- Huh?
Eh.
[suspenseful music]
[electronic whooshing]
- [heavy breathing]
- Whoa!
- Hey, what the--
both: Did you say something?
Wasn't me.
Are you sure?
What?
Never mind.
- Aw, come on, Luna.
I was about to defeat
the final boss.
- Shh!
Sorry, brah, you gotta bail.
* *
- Dads!
Have you seen my VR gear?
- Try the kitchen, honey.
- Whoa!
- [heavy breathing]
- Hey, Luna.
Oh, here it is.
[knocking]
[knocks]
Just, uh,
checkin' for termites.
It comes complimentary with my,
um, cat sitting services.
- Nice.
[suspenseful sting]
- Pwuh.
- Sorry, bro, you gotta go.
Right now!
[grunting]
The window is stuck!
[both grunting]
- Luna, where are you?
I found your guitar pick!
- She's in the kitchen, Dad!
- Oh, never mind,
it's just a tiny tortilla chip.
[gasps]
- [yells]
- [shrieks]
[both imitating laser whooshes]
[remorseful music]
- So that's why Sam
and her brother are here.
I'm so sorry
for breaking your rule.
Here.
I don't deserve this.
- We appreciate your honesty.
- But we do have to say,
when we checked in
on our fur babies just now,
we have never seen them
sleeping so soundly.
- That was all Sam.
She's a total cat whisperer.
- Wait, Lunes.
It was your idea to sing them
a super-sweet lullaby.
That's what got them
to fall asleep so peacefully.
- Well, Hair-Bear, I don't know
about you, but I'm impressed.
- More like mee-wowed!
[laughs]
It sounds like you girls
made a great cat sitting team,
so--
- Why don't you split the $ ?
- Well, I already know
what I'm doing with my half.
- [gasps]
- What are you waiting for?
Hurry up and get that VIP pass.
- Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm.
- Wahoo!
[cats moaning]
Whoops.
My bad.
- Don't worry,
Mr. and Mr. McBride.
We'll get 'em back to sleep.
- * Sleep, furry babies,
in kitty dream land *
- * For when you awake,
the day dawns anew *
both:
* And morning shall greet you *
* With a bright and happy
"mew!" *
- [snoring]
- * Cramped inside
this tiny space *
* May sound bad
but ain't the case *
* In the Loud house *
- * Loud house *
- * Duck and dodge
and push and shove *
* That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house *
- * Loud house *
* Laundry piles
stacked up high *
* Hand-me-downs
that make me cry *
* Stand in line to take
a pee *
* Never any privacy *
* Chaos with kids *
* That's the way
it always is *
* In the Loud house *
the crowded halls *
* Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls *
* Just to reach the bathroom
on time *
* Leaping over laundry piles *
* Diapers you can smell
for miles *
* Guy's got to do
what he can to survive *
- * In the Loud house *
* In the Loud house *
- * Duck, dodge, push,
and shove *
* Is how we show our love *
- * In the Loud house,
in the Loud house *
- * One boy and ten girls *
* Wouldn't trade it
for the world *
- * Loud Loud Loud *
* Loud house *
- Poo-poo.
[idyllic music]
* *
[kids yelling]
- Get back here!
- Keep going.
- [laughs]
Get it?
- Lynn, check this out.
- Who has gout?
- No, I said look at this.
- I'm not cooking fish!
[kids yelling]
[rock music blaring]
[both sigh]
- Wow, it gets loud--
in there.
What's up?
- Remember when I said I needed
a new writing challenge
now that my novel is done?
- Yes.
- And that I was hoping
I could make writing
my full-time career?
- Yes.
- Ba-bam!
I-I heard Lynn Jr. say that.
Anyway, look.
The "Royal Woods Gazette"
is looking
for a writer to pen
a weekly parenting column.
- Wow!
You're the perfect fit
for this.
You'll totally slay.
I heard Leni say that.
Anyway, you should definitely
go for it.
- Thanks, honey.
I'm gonna email my resume
right away.
[kids yelling,
rock music blaring]
Well, in a few minutes.
[both sigh]
* La da dee, la da da,
la da dum *
[ringtone chimes]
Hello?
- Rita Loud?
Jesse Hiller from
the "Royal Woods Gazette."
Here's the headline:
I think you're
a perfect candidate
for the columnist job.
Our readers would love to hear
how a mother of
keeps it together
in our new column
Perfect Parenting.
- Hold on.
Perfect Parenting?
- Stop the presses.
Is there a problem?
[kids yelling]
- Poo-poo.
[whistle blows]
- [sighs]
No problem at all.
If you want perfect
parenting advice,
you've come to
the right place.
- Wonderful!
Then the last step
is going on the record
with an in person interview.
- Great.
Just tell me
when it's convenient,
and I'll come by your office.
- Oh, no.
I want to see you in action.
Like the "Gazette's"
afternoon delivery,
I'll be on your doorstep
at : .
- Aah!
I mean great.
See you then.
[sighs]
No problem.
I've totally got this.
[expl*si*n]
- I'm okay!
Do we have any industrial
strength glue?
- I can't stress enough
how important
this interview is, kids.
I really want this job,
so I need you all of you
to be perfect.
[kids groaning]
- Are you kidding me?
- Being good is hard enough.
I don't know
if we can reach perfect.
- [imitates buzzer]
Spoiler: we can't.
- Sigh.
- Ga-ga.
- This is worrisome.
- Highly impractical.
- Okay, okay.
How about this?
If I get the job,
I'll take you to Jean-Juan's
French Mex Buffet
for a celebration dinner.
[kids gasp]
- You can count on us, Mom!
- Yeah, we are gonna impress
the snot out of this lady!
- Yeah, uh, we don't need
an illustration.
- Come on, guys,
let's go get perfect!
- [laughs]
[animals groan]
- Yes, I know bribery
isn't perfect parenting,
but I want this job.
[doorbell rings]
Why, Ms. Hiller,
welcome to my home!
- Hello, Rita.
Headline: you look lovely.
Sub head:
your home is immaculate.
- [chuckles]
Would you care
for a homemade blueberry muffin
or some
fresh squeezed lemonade?
- Oh, you really do have it
all together, don't you?
Mmm, mmm.
- [yowls]
- Mmm.
- [sighs]
Would you like to meet
my little angels?
Oh, children!
- I'm Laurie.
- I'm Leni.
- Luna, at your service.
- I'm Luan.
- Lynn Loud, Junior.
- Lincoln.
- Hello, I'm Lucy.
- Lana.
Nice to meet ya.
- Lola Loud.
Charmed, I'm sure.
- Lisa Loud, PhD.
- Wi-wee.
- Well, aren't you all
a delight?
Now tell me,
what's it like having
a mom like yours?
- Excellent question, dude--
uh, ma'am.
I think we can best answer it
in song.
* Life in the Loud house
is like no other *
- * And that's all thanks
to our amazing mother *
* *
- * She takes me where
I need to be *
- * She helps me
with my poetry *
- * She's everybody's
cup of tea *
kids:
* She's our amazing mother *
* *
- [laughs nervously]
- * She helps us
with our growing pains *
- * And nourishes
our growing brains *
- * You should see her
fly a plane *
kids:
* She's our amazing mother *
- * She keeps us laughing,
never solemn *
- * She really makes our lives
the b*mb *
kids: * That's why she should
write your column *
* We think
she's an amazing mom *
- Sensational!
This reviewer
gives you five stars.
[laughs]
- Another flawless performance,
children.
Now why don't you head upstairs
and play quietly?
- Can we clean
our rooms instead?
- [laughs]
Of course.
- Well, Rita, this afternoon
was absolutely perfect!
Breaking news: you're hired!
[cheering]
[light applause]
- Thank you, Jesse.
[laughs]
I'm speechless.
- That's all right.
Save you words for the column.
[humming tune]
[kids cheering]
- Hey, I'm ready for the song--
oh, no, I missed it!
[idyllic music]
- Dear Homework Harpy,
remind your children
that they can have fun
once their homework is done.
It's a simple rhyme that will
increase their productivity.
Dear Manic at Mealtime,
if your kids are picky eaters,
just arrange their veggies
into a beautiful mosaic,
and invite them
to eat a masterpiece.
Dear Bathtime Bungler--
Dear Mall Meltdown--
Dear Potty Training Patsy--
* *
- Excuse me.
Are you Rita Loud from
the Perfect Parenting column?
- Why, yes, I am!
- I read your column every day!
[whispers]
I'm Homework Harpy.
[kids yelling]
[loud crash]
Oh, look at
those wild children.
Where are their parents?
- Well, I'll tell you
where they're not.
At home reading my column
on how to control your kids
in public.
- [laughs]
That's for sure.
Well said,
Perfect Parent.
- Come on, come on. Let's go.
[door chimes]
- What about the groceries?
- Leave 'em!
[kids yelling]
- [clears throat]
Windshield cleaner's not free.
That'll be five cents a swipe.
- Ugh!
Never mind, Flip.
- Excuse me,
aren't you Rita Loud
from the
Perfect Parenting column?
- Oh, uh--yup, I am.
[chuckles]
- Can I get your autograph?
[car alarm and kids yelling]
- Actually, no,
I'm not Rita Loud.
I'm, uh, Flip's sister, Flo.
I'll still sign your
ding dang newspaper, chief,
but it'll cost you
five bucks.
- [laughs uneasily]
- Aah!
- Whoo-hoo!
Movie time.
[kids cheering]
[phone buzzes]
- Guys, Mom texted.
She had to run
to the "Gazette."
So I'll drive us instead.
[tense music]
- What?
I can't risk being seen
with them right now.
[judgmental noises]
I saw that eye roll!
* *
[chatter]
- I barely knew her!
[cheers]
- Mom, hi!
- What up, stranger?
- Oh, well,
this is a nice hello.
- We just haven't seen you
for a couple of days.
- I know, I'm so sorry.
I've been really busy
with the column.
- Well, at least we have
our big night!
- Huh?
- Last week you promised
that if we behaved perfectly
for our new potential boss,
you'd take us to Jean Juan's.
[kids cheering]
- Bring on the bloating!
- Yes!
- The queso is to die for.
- Ooh, uh--oh kids, I'm sorry,
I don't--
- Aw, you promised!
- [stammering]
Okay, I have an idea.
Let's go right now.
- Really?
It's : .
Even Pop Pop
doesn't eat this early.
- Jean Juan's is literally
going to be empty.
- Let's hope!
[lively music]
* *
[sighs]
We'd love a table in the back,
or you know,
in the kitchen.
Or the back works.
[nervous laugh]
[slurping]
- Careful, Mr. Coconuts!
You've got a chip
on your shoulder!
[laughs]
[as Coconuts] Hey!
Less jokes, more salsa!
[gurgling]
- Duck, duck, duck, goose!
[shrieks]
- This goose came to play!
- Ayo!
Lincoln, go long!
- I got it!
- What a fun idea having our
editorial meeting here!
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
- I hear the guac
is newsworthy.
- [whispering] Kids.
Psst!
We need to go.
Waiter, check please!
- [humming]
Whoops.
[shrieking]
- Oh, my!
- Ghost, ghost, vampire.
- Oh, me?
Oh, wait, I wasn't--
- Gasp.
- Aah!
[all shout]
- [grunts]
What in the name of
the funny pages
is going on here?
- Oh!
Hi Mom's boss!
- [groans]
- The Loud family?
- Uh, you got us confused
with someone else.
We're Flip's kids.
- Flossie.
What's it to ya, chief?
- I'm Flannery, champ.
- Yeah, and I'm, uh,
literally, uh, Flora.
- Wait, what?
- Oh.
That's okay, kids.
[grunts]
You don't have to lie for me.
Hi, Jesse.
- What's going on, Rita?
Have your children been bitten
by rabid raccoons or something?
- [sighs]
If only.
- No, this is how
we really are.
What you saw at my house
was an act.
- But the muffins, the song,
the matching outfits?
- All fake.
I knew you wanted
a perfect parent,
and I wanted the job so--
[sighs]
I'm not a perfect parent.
I try to do my best,
and some days are great,
but some days
are more than I can handle.
Parenting is my favorite job,
but it's also the hardest.
I'm sorry I misled you.
- I'm sorry too.
Clearly, you are not right
for the column.
This just in:
you're fired.
- Now, hold on, Jesse.
I-I love what she just said.
- Yeah, parenting is hard.
I wish that was in the column.
- Really?
You relate to this?
- Yeah, the other day
it took minutes
to get my kids in the car.
- Hmm, well, I guess you both
would know better than me.
I don't even have kids.
[laughs]
- Does that mean our mom
isn't fired?
- This just in:
your mom can keep her job!
kids: Yes!
Go Mom!
- Rita, forget being perfect.
From now on, just be authentic.
- Thank you, Jesse.
I can do that.
- Whoo!
Burrito spike!
Yeah!
- Congratulations.
Now would you mind celebrating
somewhere else?
[gasping]
- It's okay.
We get this a lot.
[upbeat rock music]
* *
- Luna love!
Am I gonna see you
at my concert this weekend?
- Aw, I hope so.
I just need to figure out
how to get enough money
for a VIP pass.
- Well, you never know when
opportunity comes a-knockin'.
[knocking on door]
- [heavy breathing]
- Ah, hey, McBs!
How goes it?
- It's like a waking nightmare!
[heavy breathing]
- Deep breaths, Howie.
- Dude, what's going on?
- We were about to leave
to pick up Nana Gayle
for the annual
McBride Family Reunion.
Nana and I are the reigning
sack race champs
four years running.
This one time, Nana started
hopping an--
- Clyde, honey, short version.
I've got pounds of Amish
potato salad out in the trunk,
and it's threatening
to turn on me.
- Oh, right.
So in a nutshell,
our cat sitter canceled
at the last minute.
- Luna, is there any chance
someone here
could come and watch Cleopawtra
and Nepurrtiti for the day?
- We pay $ .
- I don't know.
Lori's gone.
She hit the golf course early,
and Leni's already at work,
so she can't help.
- [screams]
Aah!
- Psst, Luna, love.
You should take the gig.
You still need some more cash
for that VIP pass
to my concert.
I heard Sam's
already got hers.
- Come on, Luna!
It'll be rockin'!
- * [squeals] *
[rock music]
- McBs!
I could catsit for you!
- [sighs]
Oh, Luna, you're a lifesaver.
Here's our house key.
We left all the kitty care
instructions
on the kitchen table, and--
Oh!
And just one rule:
we ask that you please don't
have anyone else over.
Our babies get anxious
when they're faced with more
than one stranger at a time.
- Dr. Lopez is working with them
on their trust issues.
- No prob, dudes.
- Okay, Clyde.
You know the drill.
- [grunting]
- [dazed sighing]
[both grunting]
- [sighs]
Thanks again, Luna.
We'll be home at : sharp.
- Sounds good!
And don't worry, your
fur babies are in good hands!
* *
[whistling]
Cleo, Nep!
Auntie Luna's here!
Okay, let's find those
kitty care instruct--
[shrieks]
Eee--ooh!
"McBride Guide to Feline Care
with Index and Annotations.
Revised Sixth Edition."
[gulps] Yikes.
This looks like a lotta--
[rock music]
But it's worth it!
Wh-wh--whoa!
Okay, let's see.
"The girls' mid-morning snack
is in the refrigerator.
"Warning: they're on a strict
feeding schedule.
Food must be served promptly
at : or they get cranky."
Oh, : !
I better get on that.
[humming]
Hang tight, kitties.
I just gotta open this--
[cats growling]
[hissing]
Oof!
[groans]
I guess dinner's on me.
[laughs uneasily]
"Attach leashes to harnesses
and keep a firm grip.
The cats may pull!"
Yah!
- Ah?
- Make way, brah!
No kitty brakes!
- Huh?
Oh--wah--eee!
Whew.
[grunts]
[birds chirping]
- Meal portions, medical--
messes!
Bingo!
"If the cats get messy,
prepare a warm, soothing bath."
["bath" echoes]
No, no, no, no, no!
Come back!
[heavy breathing]
Ooh!
[sighs]
[heavy breathing]
Aw, come on, dudettes!
Aha!
Aw.
- [hissing]
- [gasps]
[exhales]
Here we go.
[screaming]
[yowling]
Here!
Ugh!
No!
Oof.
[frantic music]
* *
- [grunting]
- [hissing]
- [gurgling]
- Hey, poppet,
how goes the gig?
- Bad!
I am so overwhelmed, Mick!
I haven't made a dent in
everything I'm supposed to do,
and the McBs'll be back
in a few hours.
- Well, you better get crackin'
if you wanna catch my show
with Sam!
- [gasps]
Sam!
She's great with cats!
Thanks, Mick.
- Wait, love, let's not do
anything too hasty.
[shrieks]
[knocking on door]
- Sam,
you're the best!
How'd you get here so fast?
- I was around the corner
picking up Simon
from his gamers club meeting,
so we came right over.
[purring]
- We?
[knocking]
[gaming beeps]
- Hi, Luna!
[anxious music]
- Hey!
That's harsh.
- Sorry, I didn't mention it
on the phone,
but I'm not supposed
to have anyone else over.
The cats get anxious.
I mean, I figured
you'd be okay,
'cause animals love you
and all--
[knocking]
- Well, we can't leave
my little brother out there.
- It is nice weather.
- Luna!
- Right, right.
Okay.
We just need to make sure
the cats don't see him.
[sneaky music]
- [meows]
- Cool.
What is this place?
- The McBride's
entertainment room.
You can hang out here while Sam
and I take care of the cats.
- No way!
A Dream Walker
virtual reality system!
- Uh, well, just promise
you'll be careful, okay?
That's Clyde's.
- Promise.
[laser whooshes]
- All right, let's take care
of those cats.
[rock music]
* *
- Ready or not,
here I come!
* *
- Gotcha!
- [meows]
[laughs]
[beeping]
* *
[shriek]
- * Sleep, furry babies,
in kitty dream land *
- * With visions of yarn balls
and tuna fish cans *
- * For when you're awake,
the day dawns anew *
both:
* And morning shall greet you *
* With a bright and happy
"mew!" *
[cats purring]
- Phew.
Sam, I owe you big time.
- Psh.
Please.
I'm just psyched we're gonna
get to see Mick together.
I better duck out before
the McBrides get back.
- All righty.
See you, Sam.
- [humming]
[electronic whooshing]
[gasps]
Simon!
[panting]
Uh?
Ah!
- Well, I thought your
potato salad was delicious.
- Then why did everyone
go for Aunt Brenda's, hmm?
A-and she wasn't even
supposed to bring any.
She signed up for dessert.
- Hey, McBs.
Welcome home!
- Luna, how did it go
with our precious fluff angels?
- Flawless.
They had snacks,
they went for a run--
[stammers] I mean, walk.
We even played--Simon!
Says.
We played Simon Says!
- Well, we're so grateful you
could help us out in a pinch.
- Thanks so much, Luna.
- [groans]
Wait!
- Is everything okay?
- Hey, did you want to take
some potato salad for the road?
- sh**t!
I just realized I lost...
a guitar pick
somewhere in the house.
- Oh, well,
we'll keep an eye out for it,
and we'll have Clyde
bring it over.
- No, no, no, no, no.
It's my lucky one.
I can't jam without it.
[laughs nervously]
I bet we'll find it in no time
if you dudes just help look.
Why don't you check
in the bathroom?
And I'll just look out here.
[beeping]
- Luna, did they see Simon?
- Not yet.
If you can sneak around
the house to the back door,
I'll find him
and hand him off to you.
- On it.
[beeps]
[groans] Ow!
- Huh?
Eh.
[suspenseful music]
[electronic whooshing]
- [heavy breathing]
- Whoa!
- Hey, what the--
both: Did you say something?
Wasn't me.
Are you sure?
What?
Never mind.
- Aw, come on, Luna.
I was about to defeat
the final boss.
- Shh!
Sorry, brah, you gotta bail.
* *
- Dads!
Have you seen my VR gear?
- Try the kitchen, honey.
- Whoa!
- [heavy breathing]
- Hey, Luna.
Oh, here it is.
[knocking]
[knocks]
Just, uh,
checkin' for termites.
It comes complimentary with my,
um, cat sitting services.
- Nice.
[suspenseful sting]
- Pwuh.
- Sorry, bro, you gotta go.
Right now!
[grunting]
The window is stuck!
[both grunting]
- Luna, where are you?
I found your guitar pick!
- She's in the kitchen, Dad!
- Oh, never mind,
it's just a tiny tortilla chip.
[gasps]
- [yells]
- [shrieks]
[both imitating laser whooshes]
[remorseful music]
- So that's why Sam
and her brother are here.
I'm so sorry
for breaking your rule.
Here.
I don't deserve this.
- We appreciate your honesty.
- But we do have to say,
when we checked in
on our fur babies just now,
we have never seen them
sleeping so soundly.
- That was all Sam.
She's a total cat whisperer.
- Wait, Lunes.
It was your idea to sing them
a super-sweet lullaby.
That's what got them
to fall asleep so peacefully.
- Well, Hair-Bear, I don't know
about you, but I'm impressed.
- More like mee-wowed!
[laughs]
It sounds like you girls
made a great cat sitting team,
so--
- Why don't you split the $ ?
- Well, I already know
what I'm doing with my half.
- [gasps]
- What are you waiting for?
Hurry up and get that VIP pass.
- Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm.
- Wahoo!
[cats moaning]
Whoops.
My bad.
- Don't worry,
Mr. and Mr. McBride.
We'll get 'em back to sleep.
- * Sleep, furry babies,
in kitty dream land *
- * For when you awake,
the day dawns anew *
both:
* And morning shall greet you *
* With a bright and happy
"mew!" *
- [snoring]
- * Cramped inside
this tiny space *
* May sound bad
but ain't the case *
* In the Loud house *
- * Loud house *
- * Duck and dodge
and push and shove *
* That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house *
- * Loud house *
* Laundry piles
stacked up high *
* Hand-me-downs
that make me cry *
* Stand in line to take
a pee *
* Never any privacy *
* Chaos with kids *
* That's the way
it always is *
* In the Loud house *