say hey you're not selling my
ship-in-a-bottle are you if we're lucky
I love that ship its Dominion really the
whole reason we're having a garage sale
is to get rid of things we don't have to
be fanatics about it listen I've been
going over the bills someone should take
your credit cards away is that a typo an
$11,000 balloon payment no that's
accurate
you guys are getting ripped off you get
a whole package of balloons for 69 cents
Oh
seven years ago we took out a mortgage
on the house just to buy a balloon what
could we not talk about this right now
we've only got a week to get ready for
the garage sale you're selling the
garage well that's good because we're
gonna need some place to store that
balloon
[Laughter]
[Music]
so you understand what a balloon payment
is yeah and you know what a garage sale
is yeah good now can you explain secular
humanism again
hey you're not selling that are you I'm
afraid so
too bad be a great bottle if it weren't
for the ship stuck in it it's a ninja
well sorry
uh no Mac we didn't name our bottles it
doesn't matter
we're selling it anyway this house
payments hanging over your head isn't it
no we're just trying to clear away a
little extra space level with me you're
on the skids aren't you mom wants me to
sell my female we've got to be strong
about this not my hockey stick knock
knock who's there
hi kids all right kids who hi grandma
stop it you're ruining the joke excuse
me kids I love you very much but there's
something I've got a watch on TV horse
neighs come on oh good you brought some
more stuff in the garage there come on
move it come on butter's
[Applause]
since when do you bet on horses all my
life honey I can't picture you at a
racetrack I could picture her running I
wonder how long it would take to pull
the hair out of your body
about two hours Connie never took me to
a racetrack I never go to a racetrack
you meet an unsavory element there I bet
with a bookie they're not unsavory my
ignorance but what's a bookie an
unsavory element
you mean like oregano Nick the fish is
not unsavory look the fish you back with
a fish oh hi Garth I Willie Willie did
you know my mother bets on horses yeah
how much did you win grandma three
hundred bucks
oh yeah that's even better than last
week oh that's fine mom but I mean what
if you had lost hey it's my money
but it's all our inheritance for your
information I'm planning to leave all my
money to the alien task force sure
punish your grandchildren leave us out
of this that's her plan
pick it up in the kitchen and tag oh
yeah with these old clothes
I've got Flyers to make well I might as
well make myself useful
hold on Dorothy can you make a lot of
money with this horse-racing thing only
if you win no problem
put me in for 50 bucks where did you get
50 bucks have you been going through my
purse again yes but that's not where I
got the money by the way you're out of
Tic Tacs where did you get the 50 bucks
rebate coupons anyway if you'll just
slip 50 to mr. Fisch mints
no thanks I just brushed his name is
Nick mints and I'm not gonna place any
bets for you I'm not doing this for me
no you're raising money for charity Oh
excellent comeback Dorothy you must know
it's for a balloon payment which by the
way has nothing to do with a balloon
well I don't care what it has to do with
I am still not gonna place any bets for
you and it was a dynamite comeback once
again left to my own devices
don't you believe in knocking this is
our room
I know that what may I ask are you doing
in here I have to make a private call
now you two just go back in there and do
whatever you were doing we were brushing
our teeth no need to cover I think it's
great that you kids still keep the
flames burning thanks for the feedback
now when you're leaving yeah after my
call
who are you calling at this time of the
night do I pry into your personal life
look it's kind of a surprise what did we
say about surprises I know but it's a
good surprise just trust me please okay
two minutes Thanks
oh and close the door behind you hello
is this the fish great listen you don't
know me but I'm a friend of Dorothy
elegance yeah big red listen if I send
you 50 bucks can you turn that into
$11,000 no problem I've got till
Saturday fine oh all right
[Music]
Nick oh yeah I was listening not bad huh
fifty bucks at six to one UPS let's see
that means I won three million dollars
Wow what $300 oh well let it run I've
got the Midas touch okay Nick yeah let's
go 50s on four in the fifth five in the
sixth six in the seventh and seven in
the eighth
then at Hialeah what I'd like to do so
that's a c-note on the double then one
each on the two exactas yeah a deuce on
the quinella and a half on the
perfective and remember nothing on the
pick six
I don't want to seem greedy Thanks and
my best to the fishwire
[Music]
[Applause]
Kate I think your neighbors are having a
garage sale today - you're kidding me
autumn onyx yeah they got a couple of
beat-up chairs and an old self out on
their front lawn oh yeah that's the way
it always looks mom how come dad's
hockey sticks not out there well it
should be I know I put it out there oh
it's right next to the bottle with the
Mayflower in it it's not the Mayflower
I mean yeah hey come here Willie
I want you to see this race oh yeah I've
got time to watch a horse race now I'm
not a race this is the race this is the
one that's gonna make you very happy
keep your eye on number nine I mean the
one I just fell down yeah that's the one
it's not getting up he will he will
maybe he dropped something
Oh is the jockey is okay
who cares get up
get up well thank you house you'll
excuse me I have to put these away
NIC L does that race count all right all
right how much am i up oh well then how
much am i down well I have to make it
back fast put two thousand on what what
do you mean I can't bet any more no no
there's no reason for you to come over
here uh I'll be happy to put a check in
the mail hello okay quick question yeah
hypothetical situation an individual
places a bet with a professional bookie
okay for a sizable amount of money let's
say uh six thousand dollars and he loses
it and he can't cover his losses
hypothetically what could happen to this
individual well hypothetically he could
have his legs broken oh yes
just making conversation well I'm glad
we had this talk
[Music]
you think I can get six grand for this
more like a quarter well it's a story
your favorite things do you want to sell
them for I want to do my part for the
garage sale help the family out of their
financial troubles by five o'clock how
we don't have any financial troubles we
do no not the slinky careful don't get a
kink in that I need to get five hundred
bucks for it
you won't yeah well what about this
a genuine melmac Ian's survival knife
there's no brain well life on melmac
wasn't that tough you have some really
nice things here but I really don't
think they're worth all that much
all right I was hoping I wouldn't have
to part with this but here it is my
collection of booyah baseball cards
what's a baseball it's like regular
baseball only get throw fish parts which
bucks what difference does it make how
much will you give me for this nothing
wait don't answer yet what if I threw in
an attractive 12 piece set of cookware
now what would you pay $3 soon if I'm
not buying that we had a deal I just
thought you wanted to know what it was
worth you're right I did
sorry do you really need to go to
college
[Music]
eh we haven't sold one thing well it's
it's only been an hour
maybe we should have served food mom
this is a garage sale not a luau cave
nobody's buying anything I know that
it's just an observation I'm gonna see
if we have anything in the refrigerator
excuse me I have a question about the
price on this lamp it's negotiable Wow
hope so a thousand dollars is ridiculous
he must be some mistake this looks like
the handwriting about a two-year old or
someone much much older pardon me but
you can't really be charging $2,500 for
this coffee pot we could have two and a
half lamps for that price I'll give you
five bucks you expect us to come down
from $2,500 to 5 this look next door I
saw a nice sofa in the lawn
your mind $3,400 for steak knives I
think this could explain what the sales
have been slow maybe you don't
understand the concept of a garage sale
a mom Oh could you check the rest of the
prices well Willie and I go in the house
and investigate what excuse me ma'am do
you have any more of these $800
screwdrivers down here what are you
doing down there
shaking come on out we know what you did
you do just tell us why you did it I was
trying to make a little money where did
you get such a crazy idea from your
mother it was her bookie bookie
what bookie that bookie you have to do
with our garage sale
Kate do I have to fill in all the blanks
just stay here we'll talk about this
later no no don't answer it my life
isn't worth a plug nickel
really what is going on I have no idea
maybe your mother's bookie will know
Alpana Nikki bid hi okay
this is mr. men saw me Nick whatever
makes you comfortable
Alf you sound different person you got a
cold too
no no I've been sick for a month and
taking everything that need works
have you tried lemon juice and honey you
know my wife suggested that but I can't
digest citrus you could try the honey
without the lemon yeah maybe I'll try
that so where's my money
[Music]
come on Al just give me the six grand so
I can go home and use the vaporizer six
grand
you think I place the bet with you and
now I owe you
$6,000 yeah that's the general idea
come on give me the money you think mr.
Mintz I'm afraid I don't have $6,000
you'll find it because if you don't find
it well let's keep that hypothetical I
take care of myself where are we gonna
find $6,000 maybe some ago by the
folding chairs by Gordon Shumway being
of sound mind and well I retag
everything now who changed the prices ho
we have rounded up the usual suspect you
placed a bet with your bookie and lost 6
grand when you say it it sounds so
sleazy
and now the mob is after him well at
least some good came out of this it's
doing in here yelling at El yeah what is
it involved this time food or money have
I become that predictable this time he
seems to incur two rather large gambling
debt yeah and your grandmother is
largely responsible me yeah you
introduced me to horse-racing knowing
full well how obsessive-compulsive I am
I depend on you people to protect me
from myself ah but it's not an informed
response
look I did what I did for good reason to
keep you people out of the poorhouse by
getting us hopelessly in debt good
strategy well how did you expect to make
that balloon payment with this pitiful
garage sale of yours by the way did the
steak knives go we put aside the money
for the balloon payment a long time ago
oh well can I borrow 6 grand of it saved
up and I've got a little money no one of
this family is giving money to Alf to
cover his gambling losses dan he was
trying to help oh you're right you're
right l will 6000 be enough or shall we
advance you for the next time you try to
help thanks for the sarcasm Willie
somewhere out there's a meat hook with
my name on it oh my gosh she's back
don't answer it mom is mr. mince a
violent man yes but he's fair let's all
slip out the side door we don't have a
side door well why don't we just finish
your will oh you guys go go out in the
driveway see if anybody is buying
anything you know we're a lot alike we
just can't keep ourselves out of trouble
oh thank god excuse me no no never mind
yes hi I'm Carl buck I was at your
garage sale and I found something I'd
like to buy but I'm not sure if you're
selling it Oh everything out there is
for sale yeah this thing look like a
spaceship except the spaceship not that
it is a spaceship could be anything
it's perfect for the film we're doing
film oh who exactly are you
Oh forgive me I'm a set decorator well
there's nothing to be ashamed of I was
looking for props for our film Jupiter
guy's ship would be perfect for it
you sure you don't want to sell it oh no
no we couldn't
why not it has sentimental value it
should work consider renting it no for
how long Willie no more than a week oh
no no we couldn't really I was willing
to pay for a thousand how about six okay
since Willie isn't there someone we
should consult about this take the money
saara
business manager so do we have a deal
it's just for one week right right deal
great who can I make the check out to
mr. Nick Mintz all the fish
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
what are you looking for House rebate
coupons do my Nina
good luck Willie and good luck house
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
01x23 - The Gambler
Watch or Buy on Amazon Merchandise
ALF is an alien from the planet Melmac who follows an amateur radio signal to Earth and crash-lands into the garage of the Tanners, a suburban middle-class family who live in the San Fernando Valley area of California.
ALF is an alien from the planet Melmac who follows an amateur radio signal to Earth and crash-lands into the garage of the Tanners, a suburban middle-class family who live in the San Fernando Valley area of California.