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03x20 - My Daddy's Little Girl

Posted: 08/05/22 17:07
by bunniefuu
Nina, I still don't get it.

Which one is baby spice?

Oh, she's the one
that goes like this.

I thought that was scary spice.

No. Scary spice, she's all,

"Wha!

Ssss!"

Mary!

No. Because, see...

Daddy!

Hey, magpie.

Ha ha ha! Oh...

Oh.

What a nice surprise!

Well, not really.
I've left your mother.

Again?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Let me give you
two some time alone.

Oh, that's not necessary.

They do this every year.

I know. I just can't bear
to hear it again. Buh-bye.

So how long is this
fight going to last?

Oh, this was a bad one, mary.

I broke her sound of music box.

Oh, no!

Yep.

Your mother and I are through!

45 Years down the toilet.

You still got that
hide-a-bed in the living room?

Yes.

And you don't
mind sleeping on it?

Not really. No.

Good morning, mary.

Oh, good morning, d*ck.

Good morning, d*ck.

Good morning, george.

Aah!

What?

If he's here, that means
the other one's here, too,

And... And she scares me.

No, d*ck. Daddy's here alone.

[Whispering] he left mother.

Oh...

Finally.

[Doorbell rings]

I'll get it!

Hello, solomons.

Hello, george!

Uh, this is my brother harry.

Charmed, I'm sure.

And this is my son tommy.

Hey, there, sport!

Hey! Cut it out!

He started it!

It's all right.

I left myself wide open.

Come on in.

All right, then.

I'm sorry. Hi. I'm sally.

Hi. Let me take your
coat, young lady.

Oh, thank you.

You know...

You remind me of a
gal named betty grable,

But I bet she was
before your time.

Yeah, I've only been
here a couple years.

Sit down and let
me fix you a drink.

Great. I'll have a beer.

A beer?

A beer's no drink for a lady.

Let me make you a lady's drink.

Yeah.

A lady's drink.

I like this scotch.

Yeah. So does everybody else.

So tell me about
normandy again, george.

Oh, you just can't hear enough
about the big one, can ya?

No.

I love w*r.

Oh, I mean, I hate w*r, but I
love hearing about the k*lling.

You know, I once k*lled
a n*zi with my bare hands.

Oh, please!

So, how did it happen?

Well, I was asleep in
this burned-out church

In the french countryside.

And he tripped,
and you choked him,

And I think it's getting late.

d*ck!

Huh?

Oh!

Oh, mary!

Oh, thank god you're here!

I had a terrible dream.

Your father was there...

And...

And he was telling all
these boring w*r stories.

I couldn't keep my eyes open!

Hello, george.

Chop-chop, everyone! Time to go!

Oh, cool, I'm still kinda drunk.

Hey, there's no
hair on my chest.

Thank you, mary.

George, it was a
wonderful evening,

But I'm afraid we've
got to be off. Sally!

Really? So soon?

I didn't even get a chance to
tell sally about my discharge.

That's not appropriate, dad!

From the air force!

Oh.

Well, hey...

Why don't you take sally to the
rutherford air and space museum tomorrow.

You can tell her all about it.

Hey, but I thought we were gonna
have lunch tomorrow, magpie.

Oh, that's ok.

Well, I'd love to go.

They've got a perfectly
reconstructed p-38 lightning.

Could we get it and
pretend we're bombing cities?

I'll slip the guard a fiver.

Oh, you are awesome!

Hey, tommy, do
you like egg salad?

'Cause I like egg salad.

Harry, if you eat d*ck's
lunch before we find him,

Then we have no
reason to find d*ck.

That's a load off.

Ooh, look!

An exhibit on the
early days of radio.

No. This is just the college's
cruddy old radio station.

No. I'm pretty sure
that guy's animatronic.

Hey, eddie.

Are you the d.j.?

Huh? No. He left
for spring break.

What? You mean there is no d.j.?

Well, isn't that kind
of cheating people?

This is, like, 8 watts, man.

I mean, how many
people is that, like...

8?

Oh! Eddie!

Can I be your d.j.?

Uh, I don't know.

Do you have any experience?

Why, yes, I do!

Yes. I was in charge of the
morning drive time zoo crew team

At wlmnop.

I can work the knobs perfect.

Oh, knock yourselves out.

All right! Ooh!

Oh, uh, just...

Don't curse...

And don't spill nothin',

And if ya spill somethin',

Don't curse.

Oh, wait... Wait a second.

Whoa! Whoa!

What do I say?

In 4... 3... 2...

Good morning, rutherford.

I'm harry solomon.

It's 10:52 in the
a.m. Here at wpdl.

It's a sunny day,

And I've got a
sunny way to play.

Here's one of my favorites,

And I hope it's one of yours.

See if you recognize this one.

Put the tape in.

I don't know how.

Welcome to talk radio, people.

Vroooom!

Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat!

Oh, how was the air
and space museum?

It was terrific!

I had the best time!

Ooh!

So, you sure you don't
mind me taking the lincoln?

Not at all.

You run your errands in style.

Thanks.

I'm gonna pick up that
ella fitzgerald cd.

Oh, you're gonna love it!

Oh, I know I will 'cause
you know what I like.

Oh, isn't she sweet?

You know, muffin, if
I didn't know better,

I'd say that little
gal really likes me.

Well, of course she
does. You're wonderful.

No. I mean she really likes me.

Oh, please.

She didn't want to
leave the air museum.

Well, obviously, she has some
perverse interest in old w*r relics.

In my opinion, if dogs were
meant to be on leashes,

They would have
been born with them.

And don't give me that
tired, old argument

That their tails are leashes.

Ok, let's check
in with the traffic

With our good buddy tommy g!

Thank you very much.

Well, uh... There's a truck
out there, and now it's gone.

Back to you, harry!

Let's be careful
out there, people!

Ooh, hey, we got
an in-studio guest:

Miss nina campbell!

Hey, you guys, I turned on the
radio, and I couldn't believe it!

This is so great!

Yeah. I wanna send some shouts
out to steven and bobby and clarisse...

Ooh! And reggie and
shy girl and little b and...

No. This is my show.

Ooh, we've got a
caller on line 1.

Go ahead, caller.

Yeah. I totally disagree with
you on that whole leash law thing.

Oh...

Well, that's too bad...

Because you, my
friend, are wrong.

You tell him, harry!

Yeah! Next sound you hear

Will be the sound of me
hangin' up on a dumb ass.

Ok, so far you've att*cked
leash laws, city council,

And some old lady.

Yeah, but I'm runnin'
out of stuff to say.

I mean, we need a guest.

Oh, you know who
you should have on?

George albright.

He k*lled a n*zi
with his bare hands.

That's cool.

Well, you certainly are spending
a lot of time with that man.

Well, why not? He's great.

He's not like any
guy I've ever met.

He's so confident.

I mean, look at all
the plaid he wears.

Well, I will admit he is jazzy.

Oh, yeah. He's got style,

Plus he smells like spices.

Old spices.

d*ck, I finally understand
your albright attraction.

It must be their dna.
They're irresistible.

Yes! At last I'm understood!

There's something
about them, a charm...

A magnetism...

A strength...

A quiet force...

They're both a pain in the ass.

I don't know, you guys.

Do you really think
a guy like george

Would be interested
in a gal like me?

Sally, why would a guy in his 70s
want to be with a woman in her 20s?

Oh!

[Knock on door]

Oh, hey, albright,
is george here?

Oh, actually, he just went out.

With who?

To get a paper.

Oh.

Come in.

Come in. Thanks.

You know, sally,

Mother and dad
do this every year,

And I do not look forward to it,

So thank you for helping me out.

Dad appreciates
it. He really does.

He does? He said that?

Tell me exactly what
he said, right now.

Oh! He's having a ball,

And I know it's not easy
entertaining dad all day.

No, no. I like it.

You're so lucky.
Your dad is amazing.

Well, I'm really glad you get
to spend some time with my dad.

Oh, yeah.

But I must warn you.

Sometimes he gets a little carried
away, and he gets these ideas.

All I'm asking is that you
be gentle with him, ok?

Ok. No more wrestling.

No. I'm serious. I
won't do it again.

Ok, don. Thanks for coming down.

We know how busy you are.

We appreciate your time.

Oh.

It's my pleasure.

In fact, I think I got an
interesting story for you guys.

In 4... 3... 2...

And we're back!

Well, look who
dropped by to say hello.

Officer don orvel.

Or as he's known on the
streets, madge with a badge.

I've got this story
for you guys.

Yeah, so tell me,
officer bacon bits...

When you're working
over a suspect,

Does that make you
feel like a big man?

[Man screams on tape]

Well, harry, I try
not to abuse my badge,

Which brings me to
my story. It's about...

Boring!

So, don, tell me,
what do you think

About old dudes
dating young, hot babes?

Is it smart or skanky.

I don't know. I guess
I'm down with that.

Mm, you're down with that?

Yeah. I am. I'm down with that.

Yeah! He's down with that.

Well, would you
still be down with it

If the young, hot babe
was, oh, say, sally...

And the old dude
was albright's dad?

That I'm not down with.

So, sally likes mr. Albright.
Ha, that's messed up.

Oh, we've got a
caller on line one.

You're on the air
with harry solomon.

Sally: yeah, this
is, um, thelma...

From ohio.

It's none of your
business what I do,

And if you idiots
keep talking about me,

I'm gonna beat your faces in with a
monkey wrench when you get home.

New topic.

Michelle pfeiffer's lips.

Are they real?

Daddy? You still up?

Yes.

Oh, my god. Oh,
my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Oh,
my god. Oh, my god.

Albright! Albright!

I'm being gentle.

Heads up! I'm coming
into the room!

I can't sleep. We have to talk.

Great. Let's talk.

I'd like to speak to my
father alone, please?

Oh, ok. Good night, sugar.

Oh, listen, um,

George and I want
to take you and d*ck

Out to dinner tomorrow night.

Oh, goody. A double
date with my dad.

Please go.

Mary, listen, I just
want you to know now

That george and I are together,

And I'm not gonna try
to replace your mother,

Ok? And i...

I just hope to become
a way better mother

And gradually
turn you against her.

I'm not gonna call you mummy.

Sally's fine. Oh!

Listen, I want to take
you shopping next week,

Get you a pretty new
dress. Would you like that?

Did I tell you she's
got the hots for me?

Was I right?

Stop this foolishness
and go back to mother!

No! After 45 years
of pure misery,

I finally think there's
a plan for the universe.

Why her?

Well, she listens to me.

She finds me interesting.

I'm crazy about her.

And that's why I think
I'm gonna give her this.

That's mother's
heirloom bracelet.

Well, martha doesn't
wear it anymore.

I've been waiting for
her to die to get that!

We all have. We all have.

Oh, yeah? Well, why don't
you come down to the station

And make me, ya big jerk?!

[Pow]

Harry, she was 8 years old.

She just wanted to
know if it was gonna rain.

[Boom]

You just stifle it, little man.

So george thinks we should
take a cold water cruise,

Because it's far more interesting
than doing that whole island thing.

Oh, yeah.

There's nothing like
snuggling up on the deck

With your sweetie
and a hot toddy.

Where the hell have you
been? And don't go too far!

Would you like to dance?

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, whoopsie,
mary. Let me get it.

Good double-baked potatoes.

Look at those two.

Who?

Woody and soon-yi over there.

This world works in
wonderful and mysterious ways.

What does that mean?

Those two people could
be fated to fall in love,

Just when your mother was
conveniently out of the way.

Look at him dancing,
gushing all over her.

Dancing?

Making a fool of himself.

Dancing.

Is this mayonnaise
or horseradish?

Of course I know
what it is with sally.

She's just trying to
replace the father she lost.

Oh! Oh!

Whatever it is, it's hot.

Don't tell me I'm
jealous, because I'm not!

My mouth is on fire.

It's my daddy!

It's my napkin!

Daddy, you want
to dance with me?

Well, sure... Kitten.

I'll dance with you, sally.

He called her kitten!

I'm kitten!

Can't you be pumpkin?

I don't want to be pumpkin!

We're gonna have to get
some things straighten out

If she's gonna be
my mother-in-law.

But aren't you gonna
be her stepmother?

Whatever.

Excuse me. Uh, shall we dance?

Dad...

No!

Why?

Sally, people are watching.

Oh, yeah?

Ohh!

I was dancing with my daddy.

No! You were dancing
with my boyfriend.

He was my daddy way
before he was your boyfriend.

Listen, I think you'd
better grow up.

George and I are a thing,

And you just better
get used to it, missy.

Well, you just
better get used to me!

Is there something
wrong, kittens?

No! Nothing!

Ok. We're back.

Let's go to the
phones. Who's on?

Nobody.

Yeah. We haven't had a call

Since you made fun
of that lady's dead cat.

Maybe we need a new topic.

Ooh, that's a good idea.

Hey! Let's go one-on-one
with nina campbell.

Ok.

Ok. So, nina, how many
dates have you had lately,

Like zero?

What?

No, no, no! It's ok. I think I
know what the problem is.

Oh, really?

Yeah. You're a great big loser.

I don't have to take this!

Yes, you do 'cause
you're a loser.

I'm out of here!

Wait, harry, what are you doing?

Well, I'll tell you
what I'm not doing.

I'm not just sitting there
being a pimple rancher.

How's the new crop
this year, teen boy?

This is over.

I am gone!

Oh, go! Leave!

I don't care. I don't
need any of you.

Come baaack!

[Knock on door]

Hey, sally.

Hey, george.

Listen, we have to talk.

Well, come in.

What's the matter?

Well, um, I've been thinking.

And, uh, I think we should
cool things off a bit.

Oh, if I had a nickel for every
secretary I've said that to.

I'm serious.

Well, why?

Well, I just... I'm not
ready to be with somebody

Who has children.

What, mary? She really
can take care of herself.

Oh, let's not fool
ourselves, george.

She's gonna be a lot of work.

Kids just are. You know that.

She's old.

This isn't easy for me, ok?

I don't want to penalize
you for being a great dad.

It's just... I have
to be selfish here.

I knew I should've closed
this deal the night we met.

I knew that.

I think maybe you should
go back to your wife.

Aw...

Well, I usually do.

Well, there you go.

Bye, sugar.

Sally.

Albright.

Look. I'm sorry for the
way I acted the other night.

Maybe we should
all talk this out.

No. There's nothing
to talk about, muffin, i...

I'm going back to mother.

Really?!

Yeah, he is.

And I'm sorry if this caused

Any friction in
your relationship.

But, mary, I just want
you to know something.

I could've had him.

She ain't lying.

Now, are you sure
you have everything?

Yeah.

Mary, I wouldn't mention
this sally thing to mother.

Dad, I don't know
if I can do that.

Here.

My lips are sealed.