03x21 - The Great Escape
Posted: 08/01/22 07:18
NARRATOR: Gotham State
Prison, a grim and foreboding edifice.
It, like politics, has been the
last refuge of many a scoundrel.
Including that criminal
cowpoke Shame.
[WHISPERING] Now, don't
you fret none, Shame, honey.
We is gonna get you
sprung right quick.
I don't understand.
[WHISPERING] We assembled
us a g*ng on the outside...
and as soon as you show them law men your
backside, you're all set for funning again.
Well, I appreciate it mighty much,
Frontier Fanny and Calamity Jan.
But I find this here hoosegow's
tighter than a New England banker.
I likewise opine it'd take more than a
pack of wild horses to get me out of here.
You just mosey on by the left wall
of this here pokey about 15 past five.
And 325 wild
horses will meet you.
Now you just keep a tight rein, and hold
on to your saddle horn, Shame, honey.
That kiss is just a down
payment on what you're due.
Good.
Nice timepiece you
have there, Shame.
Yeah, got it off a railroad man.
They gave it to him for
50 years' dedicated service.
- What did you give him for it?
- Three b*ll*ts.
In the head.
[WHISTLING NEARBY]
[WALL CRASHING]
[SHAME LAUGHING]
Yeah, you done do'd it, honey.
All right, let's point
our toe and go.
We got 325 wild horses
under this here hood.
Yeah, I gotta hand it to you,
Calamity. You're a woman and a half.
If you could just get
rid of the other half.
[SIREN WAILING]
BRUCE: Mm-mm.
[GORDON CHUCKLES]
Ah. Excellent
fondue, Barbara. Mm.
Not often a bachelor gets
a good home-cooked meal.
Well, it isn't often a spinster
gets to cook for a bachelor.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello.
Yes. It's for you, Daddy.
Hmm? Oh.
Ahem. Thank you.
Commissioner Gordon.
What, Chief O'Hara? Oh,
yes. I'll take care of it right away.
Hold your phone up next to the Batphone,
and put me through to you-know-who.
BARBARA: What's the matter?
Shame, that monstrous
maverick of malfeasance...
has made good his
threat to come back.
[BEEPING]
That's the signal for the
Bat-answer-phone to be put into action.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
BATMAN [ON RECORDING]:
Yes, commissioner?
Dreadful news, Batman.
BATMAN: Exactly what's
wrong, commissioner?
Shame has just fled Gotham City State
Prison. Can you meet me in my office?
BATMAN: We'll be right
there, commissioner.
I must beg your forgiveness,
Barbara, Bruce, but duty calls.
Yes, I think I should run
along as well, Barbara.
Uh, it wouldn't be proper for
the two of us to be here alone...
in your apartment
without a chaperone.
[BARBARA CHUCKLES]
But what about my fondue?
They were last seen going north
on the highway in the stolen t*nk.
Where in the world did
they ever get a t*nk?
Madman Otto's
Used t*nk Lot. Heh.
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Is he mad now.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yes.
We're doing all we
can, Mayor Linseed.
Oh, that's good news.
Thank you, sir, for calling.
- They found the t*nk on West 20th Street.
- Is it still there?
No, they towed it, the
parking meter had run out.
They probably removed
the fingerprints as well.
I think Mayor Linseed should make
some changes in his towing policy.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
Yes, Bonnie.
BONNIE: There's something
in the outer office for you.
Exactly what, Bonnie,
we're quite busy, you know.
- A horse.
- A horse?
- Oh. Chief O'Hara, see what it's all about.
- Right.
[GORDON SIGHS]
Tanks in the street, a
horse in my outer office...
Has the whole world gone batty?
[CHUCKLES]
Just an expression,
Batman. No slight intended.
I understand.
This is what she meant,
commissioner. A saw horse.
And there's a note attached
to it addressed to Batman.
It's from Shame.
"I hereby am telling you...
that I'm a gonna rob
the Gotham City Stage...
at 8:45 tonight.
I'm gonna steal
a rock and a roll.
I dares you...
to figure it out,
Dynamic Dumb-Dumb...
best regards, your enemy Shame."
It's full of misspellings,
and I'm full of misgivings.
Holy gall.
Hi, everybody.
Well, this certainly looks
like a gathering of a clan.
GORDON: Ha, ha.
- What's up?
Shame is up. To no good.
He's had the indecent effrontery...
to tell us what he's going to steal
and where he's going to steal it.
Sounds like a very
cooperative arch-criminal to me.
Why all the consternation?
Because none of us can figure
out what he's talking about.
Perhaps a session with the Batcomputer
will aid us in our quest, Robin.
We'll be in touch as soon as we
figure out this mystifying missive.
Let's go, Robin.
NARRATOR: A short while
later, under the cover of darkness...
Shame and his
cohorts are holed up...
in Gotham City's
Central Park Stables.
SHAME: Ah.
Well, that's a mighty fine looking g*ng
you rounded up there, Calamity Jan.
Shame, honey, this here's
Fernando Ricardo Enrique Dominguez.
We calls him "Fred" for
short, because it's his initials.
Howdy.
The pleasure is entirely
mine, you may be sure.
And this here's
Chief Standing Pat.
[SPEAKS IN NATIVE LANGUAGE]
CALAMITY JAN: That means:
"It's gonna be great working with you, and
I hope to get to know you better real soon."
You got all that from one puff?
He talks in shorthand.
Good. All right, now,
here's the nitty-gritty.
We're gonna...
We're gonna...
We're gonna knock
off the Dynamic Duo.
- And Batgirl.
- And Batgirl.
And then we're
gonna do something...
which I like to refer to as,
uh, "The Great Train Robbery."
That's scarcely
original, you know.
A big mouth is better
when it's shut, Fred.
So keep your tongue harnessed,
and you'll have a thin lip.
I stand chastised.
Good.
Now, you two characters from
an old-time Western movie...
I want you to go out and case the stage,
because we're gonna lift the rock and a roll.
Now, that's part
one of my caper.
But we can't get to part two...
before we've done part one.
- Does that make sense to you?
- Your lucidity is surpassed...
only by your remarkable command
and penchant for gibberish.
Well, thanks, Fred.
That's mighty nice of you.
We're gonna be
good buddies. Now...
we're gonna meet,
rendezvous, at 8:30...
- savvy?
- Savvy.
- That means, uh...
- Good.
Okay, now you characters get because
me and my girl got a little sparking to do.
Cheerio.
Is there something
I can do for you?
You can't get closer than two
feet until a marriage is arranged.
Oh, Ma. Have a heart.
A mother can't hardly have a heart
where her daughter is concerned.
[CALAMITY JAN SIGHS]
I've got it.
What do criminals call a "rock"?
Holy carats. A diamond.
Exactly, Robin.
Now...
what do they call a "roll"?
- It might be a bank roll.
- Right again, Robin.
But where is the
Gotham City Stage?
[BATPHONE BEEPS]
- Yes, commissioner?
- Batman, this is Batgirl.
I figured out where the
Gotham City Stage is...
but I can't make heads or tails
about the "rock" and the "roll."
We obviously need
each other, Batgirl.
Meet me at the corner of 61st
Street and Washington Avenue.
- We'll talk then.
- Oh, yes.
Well, hello, Barbara.
To what do I owe the honor of this
unexpected, but nevertheless welcome visit?
I have two tickets to the opera. I
thought you might like to be my date.
Oh, I'll have to beg off, darling. There's no time
for cultural pursuits with Shame on the loose.
Why don't you phone
millionaire Bruce Wayne?
Daddy, now how would that look?
I don't want to
appear too eager.
No, I understand.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
[BATPHONE BEEPING]
- Yes, Batman.
- May I speak with Batgirl, commissioner?
I neglected to ask her
which corner we meet on.
Batgirl?
But you must be mistaken,
Batman. She's not here.
And as far as I know,
she hasn't been here.
Thank you, commissioner.
How does she do it?
A moment ago, I spoke
to Batgirl on that Batphone.
Now the commissioner tells
me she wasn't even there.
I don't think we should even
attempt to fathom it, Batman.
She treasures her own anonymity
every bit as much as we treasure ours.
Of course. You're right, Robin.
Still...
Well, there's just no
time. Let's go, Robin.
NARRATOR: As Batman and
Robin hurry to their appointment...
Barbara Gordon transforms
herself into Batgirl...
scourge of Gotham City's underworld
and defender of truth and justice.
But are their actions
too late to stop Shame...
from robbing the Gotham
City Stage of a rock and roll?
The answer in one
breathless minute.
NARRATOR: Gotham
City Opera House...
where a handful of unlikely
visitors are already backstage.
Yeah. This must be
the place, all right.
You can't come in here.
Says who, short stuff?
Well, says me. I'm
Pop, the stage doorman.
Pop? You ain't old enough to
drink pop, far less be called it.
Well, I'm 17, and it's a
time-honored theatrical tradition...
that no matter how old or young a stage
doorman is, his name has to be "Pop."
Well, good night, Pop.
"Good night"? I'm not
going to sleep for hours.
Wanna bet?
I assumed that Shame meant the
Gotham City Opera House stage...
in that The Girl of the
Golden West opens.
That's a good assumption.
I know for a fact that the two
leading singers in that production...
have strange quirks, which Shame probably
knew when he talked of a rock and roll.
Such as?
Leonora Sotto Voce,
world's leading soprano...
who never goes on stage without
wearing her 283 karat diamond-pendant.
And Fortissimo Fra Diavolo, who always carries
$20,000 in cash in his pockets for luck.
Let's go.
I don't understand it. Every time I
begin my aria, you're upstaging me.
- Always upstaging me.
- It isn't a case of upstaging you, Fortissimo.
There are two leading singers in
this opera but only one great voice.
Mine.
All right. Can that palabra, lady.
Keep yourself planted to the stage.
You too, Caruso.
Get the diva's diamond, Fred.
Come on. Get these folks'...
- What are you doing?
SHAME: Hush up.
Shame on you, Shame.
Unhand them, you fiend.
All right.
You.
[LAUGHING]
Hey, here comes
my women's auxiliary.
That's all right,
Frontier Fanny.
Kissing don't really count
when it's through the cloth.
[SHAME LAUGHS]
How do you like that, Batbrats?
[BATMAN STAMMERING]
What have you done to us, Shame?
I gave you a dose of fear gas.
BATMAN: A dose of what?
- A dose of fear gas.
From now on, you'll be scared of
everything, you cowardly caped crusaders.
- Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt us.
- Oh, spare our lives, kind sir.
We'd do the same for
you. Honest. Honest.
Honest, we would.
Yeah. I reckon I would.
I ain't all bad. Just boastly.
- Stand in front of me, Batgirl.
- No!
Chief, we'll take the Batgirl. That
way the police won't bother us none.
Don't worry about them other
two. Ain't worth a heck of darn.
BATMAN: Take her, take her.
She's yours. SHAME: Bring her along.
All right. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
How do you like
that, scaredy bats?
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Fred. Did you hear that?
That's pretty good. "Scaredy bats."
Good, good. They took the girl.
Not us.
Robin.
What is this?
- What are you trying to do?
- It's probably poison.
He wants to see us dead.
He's always hated us.
Yes, he has.
You're right, Robin.
- You're not to be trusted either, Boy Wonder.
- Well, neither are you.
ALFRED: Come, come,
Master Robin. Really, sir.
Alleviate your tensions. This broth is
composed of two parts chicken soup...
- and one part bat-antidote powder.
- I wonder.
It's, uh, to counteract the
terrible effects of the fear gas.
You need have no trepidation.
[BATPHONE BEEPING]
What's that beeping?
I'll take it, sir.
- Yes, commissioner?
- May I speak with Batman, please?
I'm afraid he's indisposed.
Well, then give him
these messages.
The newspapers and the state
hierarchy are clamoring for an arrest.
And furthermore, in addition
to Batgirl being kidnapped...
my own daughter, Barbara,
is nowhere to be found.
I'll certainly transmit
your message, sir.
Yes, Alfred?
You best get going, sir. It appears that the
mayor and the governor are in a bit of a snit.
Feeling better, sir?
Yes, but there seems to be...
a slight residue of fear left.
However, I must
shunt this aside...
and press on.
- Let's go, Robin.
- Uh, where?
Hmm, yes, where?
We've learned from past experience that
Shame is happiest when he's around horses.
Now, where would we find
horses in the heart of Gotham City?
Uh, the Police Riding Academy.
No, no, no. Shame wouldn't be
that brazen to hide at a police stable.
But there is one
place he might be.
Holy hoof beats, the
Gotham Central Park Stables.
Across the street
from the opera house.
Let's go, Robin.
SHAME: Now, here's a plan.
Here's our plan.
You take this grub-steak out, and
buy a acetylene torch and a drill.
Why don't we merely purloin those
items instead of purchase them?
Because it don't pay none, Fred.
It don't pay none to risk getting
caught over small potatoes.
Besides, I need you for
the great train-robbery.
You sure he's Mexican?
You make good squaw.
Plenty of meat.
And you make good rug.
[SHANE LAUGHING]
Ah, boy. That old Fanny's
a hundred laughs, ain't she?
Oh, Shame, honey. Can't you just
picture how happy we're gonna be?
- Yeah.
- You and Ma and me...
living on our own
spread west of Laramie...
where the air is
clear and smog-free...
and the corn is as high as Chief Standing
Pat's eye. Can't you just picture it?
I'm picturing about
two-thirds of it.
All right. Let's see how
little old Batchick's doing.
- Hello, Batchick.
- I think you're caring too much about her.
I'm for ventilating her
head and leaving her.
Just simmer down,
woman. Simmer down.
She's our insurance policy.
Long as she's breathing this
Gotham City stuff they pass for air...
nobody's gonna stampede us.
Besides...
you know, it's you.
And only you.
And me.
And only me.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Why couldn't you
been born an orphan?
Oh. Good. Good.
Got the drill? Good.
All right. Now let's get.
- Shame, honey.
- Yeah.
- You ain't worried none.
- No, I ain't worried.
As long as I got that horseshoe
up there. That's a sign of good luck.
Okay. We're riding
high and hog. Let's go.
Come on, pussycat. Come on.
Get up now. Get up.
There doesn't seem
to be anyone here.
Look.
It's Frontier Fanny,
Calamity Jan's mother.
They're got Batgirl,
and we've got Fanny.
It hardly seems like a
fair trade, does it, Robin?
What do we do now, Batman?
I wish I knew,
Robin. I wish I knew.
With Batgirl in the clutches
of that frontier felon...
who knows what disaster
awaits her or all of Gotham City.
On your feet.
- All right. Where did Shame go?
- What's he going to do with Batgirl?
- Wouldn't you like to know.
- Yes, we would like to know.
Well, I'll tell you this,
dynamic dummies.
Do anything to me, and Batgirl's
chances of living through the night...
ain't worth a pitcher
of warm tears.
I never met a person I
didn't like, Frontier Fanny.
But in this case, I may
have to make an exception.
NARRATOR: Have Batman
and Robin been hornswoggled?
Watch the next episode
for the thrilling conclusion.
Prison, a grim and foreboding edifice.
It, like politics, has been the
last refuge of many a scoundrel.
Including that criminal
cowpoke Shame.
[WHISPERING] Now, don't
you fret none, Shame, honey.
We is gonna get you
sprung right quick.
I don't understand.
[WHISPERING] We assembled
us a g*ng on the outside...
and as soon as you show them law men your
backside, you're all set for funning again.
Well, I appreciate it mighty much,
Frontier Fanny and Calamity Jan.
But I find this here hoosegow's
tighter than a New England banker.
I likewise opine it'd take more than a
pack of wild horses to get me out of here.
You just mosey on by the left wall
of this here pokey about 15 past five.
And 325 wild
horses will meet you.
Now you just keep a tight rein, and hold
on to your saddle horn, Shame, honey.
That kiss is just a down
payment on what you're due.
Good.
Nice timepiece you
have there, Shame.
Yeah, got it off a railroad man.
They gave it to him for
50 years' dedicated service.
- What did you give him for it?
- Three b*ll*ts.
In the head.
[WHISTLING NEARBY]
[WALL CRASHING]
[SHAME LAUGHING]
Yeah, you done do'd it, honey.
All right, let's point
our toe and go.
We got 325 wild horses
under this here hood.
Yeah, I gotta hand it to you,
Calamity. You're a woman and a half.
If you could just get
rid of the other half.
[SIREN WAILING]
BRUCE: Mm-mm.
[GORDON CHUCKLES]
Ah. Excellent
fondue, Barbara. Mm.
Not often a bachelor gets
a good home-cooked meal.
Well, it isn't often a spinster
gets to cook for a bachelor.
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello.
Yes. It's for you, Daddy.
Hmm? Oh.
Ahem. Thank you.
Commissioner Gordon.
What, Chief O'Hara? Oh,
yes. I'll take care of it right away.
Hold your phone up next to the Batphone,
and put me through to you-know-who.
BARBARA: What's the matter?
Shame, that monstrous
maverick of malfeasance...
has made good his
threat to come back.
[BEEPING]
That's the signal for the
Bat-answer-phone to be put into action.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
BATMAN [ON RECORDING]:
Yes, commissioner?
Dreadful news, Batman.
BATMAN: Exactly what's
wrong, commissioner?
Shame has just fled Gotham City State
Prison. Can you meet me in my office?
BATMAN: We'll be right
there, commissioner.
I must beg your forgiveness,
Barbara, Bruce, but duty calls.
Yes, I think I should run
along as well, Barbara.
Uh, it wouldn't be proper for
the two of us to be here alone...
in your apartment
without a chaperone.
[BARBARA CHUCKLES]
But what about my fondue?
They were last seen going north
on the highway in the stolen t*nk.
Where in the world did
they ever get a t*nk?
Madman Otto's
Used t*nk Lot. Heh.
[SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Is he mad now.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yes.
We're doing all we
can, Mayor Linseed.
Oh, that's good news.
Thank you, sir, for calling.
- They found the t*nk on West 20th Street.
- Is it still there?
No, they towed it, the
parking meter had run out.
They probably removed
the fingerprints as well.
I think Mayor Linseed should make
some changes in his towing policy.
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
Yes, Bonnie.
BONNIE: There's something
in the outer office for you.
Exactly what, Bonnie,
we're quite busy, you know.
- A horse.
- A horse?
- Oh. Chief O'Hara, see what it's all about.
- Right.
[GORDON SIGHS]
Tanks in the street, a
horse in my outer office...
Has the whole world gone batty?
[CHUCKLES]
Just an expression,
Batman. No slight intended.
I understand.
This is what she meant,
commissioner. A saw horse.
And there's a note attached
to it addressed to Batman.
It's from Shame.
"I hereby am telling you...
that I'm a gonna rob
the Gotham City Stage...
at 8:45 tonight.
I'm gonna steal
a rock and a roll.
I dares you...
to figure it out,
Dynamic Dumb-Dumb...
best regards, your enemy Shame."
It's full of misspellings,
and I'm full of misgivings.
Holy gall.
Hi, everybody.
Well, this certainly looks
like a gathering of a clan.
GORDON: Ha, ha.
- What's up?
Shame is up. To no good.
He's had the indecent effrontery...
to tell us what he's going to steal
and where he's going to steal it.
Sounds like a very
cooperative arch-criminal to me.
Why all the consternation?
Because none of us can figure
out what he's talking about.
Perhaps a session with the Batcomputer
will aid us in our quest, Robin.
We'll be in touch as soon as we
figure out this mystifying missive.
Let's go, Robin.
NARRATOR: A short while
later, under the cover of darkness...
Shame and his
cohorts are holed up...
in Gotham City's
Central Park Stables.
SHAME: Ah.
Well, that's a mighty fine looking g*ng
you rounded up there, Calamity Jan.
Shame, honey, this here's
Fernando Ricardo Enrique Dominguez.
We calls him "Fred" for
short, because it's his initials.
Howdy.
The pleasure is entirely
mine, you may be sure.
And this here's
Chief Standing Pat.
[SPEAKS IN NATIVE LANGUAGE]
CALAMITY JAN: That means:
"It's gonna be great working with you, and
I hope to get to know you better real soon."
You got all that from one puff?
He talks in shorthand.
Good. All right, now,
here's the nitty-gritty.
We're gonna...
We're gonna...
We're gonna knock
off the Dynamic Duo.
- And Batgirl.
- And Batgirl.
And then we're
gonna do something...
which I like to refer to as,
uh, "The Great Train Robbery."
That's scarcely
original, you know.
A big mouth is better
when it's shut, Fred.
So keep your tongue harnessed,
and you'll have a thin lip.
I stand chastised.
Good.
Now, you two characters from
an old-time Western movie...
I want you to go out and case the stage,
because we're gonna lift the rock and a roll.
Now, that's part
one of my caper.
But we can't get to part two...
before we've done part one.
- Does that make sense to you?
- Your lucidity is surpassed...
only by your remarkable command
and penchant for gibberish.
Well, thanks, Fred.
That's mighty nice of you.
We're gonna be
good buddies. Now...
we're gonna meet,
rendezvous, at 8:30...
- savvy?
- Savvy.
- That means, uh...
- Good.
Okay, now you characters get because
me and my girl got a little sparking to do.
Cheerio.
Is there something
I can do for you?
You can't get closer than two
feet until a marriage is arranged.
Oh, Ma. Have a heart.
A mother can't hardly have a heart
where her daughter is concerned.
[CALAMITY JAN SIGHS]
I've got it.
What do criminals call a "rock"?
Holy carats. A diamond.
Exactly, Robin.
Now...
what do they call a "roll"?
- It might be a bank roll.
- Right again, Robin.
But where is the
Gotham City Stage?
[BATPHONE BEEPS]
- Yes, commissioner?
- Batman, this is Batgirl.
I figured out where the
Gotham City Stage is...
but I can't make heads or tails
about the "rock" and the "roll."
We obviously need
each other, Batgirl.
Meet me at the corner of 61st
Street and Washington Avenue.
- We'll talk then.
- Oh, yes.
Well, hello, Barbara.
To what do I owe the honor of this
unexpected, but nevertheless welcome visit?
I have two tickets to the opera. I
thought you might like to be my date.
Oh, I'll have to beg off, darling. There's no time
for cultural pursuits with Shame on the loose.
Why don't you phone
millionaire Bruce Wayne?
Daddy, now how would that look?
I don't want to
appear too eager.
No, I understand.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
[BATPHONE BEEPING]
- Yes, Batman.
- May I speak with Batgirl, commissioner?
I neglected to ask her
which corner we meet on.
Batgirl?
But you must be mistaken,
Batman. She's not here.
And as far as I know,
she hasn't been here.
Thank you, commissioner.
How does she do it?
A moment ago, I spoke
to Batgirl on that Batphone.
Now the commissioner tells
me she wasn't even there.
I don't think we should even
attempt to fathom it, Batman.
She treasures her own anonymity
every bit as much as we treasure ours.
Of course. You're right, Robin.
Still...
Well, there's just no
time. Let's go, Robin.
NARRATOR: As Batman and
Robin hurry to their appointment...
Barbara Gordon transforms
herself into Batgirl...
scourge of Gotham City's underworld
and defender of truth and justice.
But are their actions
too late to stop Shame...
from robbing the Gotham
City Stage of a rock and roll?
The answer in one
breathless minute.
NARRATOR: Gotham
City Opera House...
where a handful of unlikely
visitors are already backstage.
Yeah. This must be
the place, all right.
You can't come in here.
Says who, short stuff?
Well, says me. I'm
Pop, the stage doorman.
Pop? You ain't old enough to
drink pop, far less be called it.
Well, I'm 17, and it's a
time-honored theatrical tradition...
that no matter how old or young a stage
doorman is, his name has to be "Pop."
Well, good night, Pop.
"Good night"? I'm not
going to sleep for hours.
Wanna bet?
I assumed that Shame meant the
Gotham City Opera House stage...
in that The Girl of the
Golden West opens.
That's a good assumption.
I know for a fact that the two
leading singers in that production...
have strange quirks, which Shame probably
knew when he talked of a rock and roll.
Such as?
Leonora Sotto Voce,
world's leading soprano...
who never goes on stage without
wearing her 283 karat diamond-pendant.
And Fortissimo Fra Diavolo, who always carries
$20,000 in cash in his pockets for luck.
Let's go.
I don't understand it. Every time I
begin my aria, you're upstaging me.
- Always upstaging me.
- It isn't a case of upstaging you, Fortissimo.
There are two leading singers in
this opera but only one great voice.
Mine.
All right. Can that palabra, lady.
Keep yourself planted to the stage.
You too, Caruso.
Get the diva's diamond, Fred.
Come on. Get these folks'...
- What are you doing?
SHAME: Hush up.
Shame on you, Shame.
Unhand them, you fiend.
All right.
You.
[LAUGHING]
Hey, here comes
my women's auxiliary.
That's all right,
Frontier Fanny.
Kissing don't really count
when it's through the cloth.
[SHAME LAUGHS]
How do you like that, Batbrats?
[BATMAN STAMMERING]
What have you done to us, Shame?
I gave you a dose of fear gas.
BATMAN: A dose of what?
- A dose of fear gas.
From now on, you'll be scared of
everything, you cowardly caped crusaders.
- Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt us.
- Oh, spare our lives, kind sir.
We'd do the same for
you. Honest. Honest.
Honest, we would.
Yeah. I reckon I would.
I ain't all bad. Just boastly.
- Stand in front of me, Batgirl.
- No!
Chief, we'll take the Batgirl. That
way the police won't bother us none.
Don't worry about them other
two. Ain't worth a heck of darn.
BATMAN: Take her, take her.
She's yours. SHAME: Bring her along.
All right. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
How do you like
that, scaredy bats?
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Fred. Did you hear that?
That's pretty good. "Scaredy bats."
Good, good. They took the girl.
Not us.
Robin.
What is this?
- What are you trying to do?
- It's probably poison.
He wants to see us dead.
He's always hated us.
Yes, he has.
You're right, Robin.
- You're not to be trusted either, Boy Wonder.
- Well, neither are you.
ALFRED: Come, come,
Master Robin. Really, sir.
Alleviate your tensions. This broth is
composed of two parts chicken soup...
- and one part bat-antidote powder.
- I wonder.
It's, uh, to counteract the
terrible effects of the fear gas.
You need have no trepidation.
[BATPHONE BEEPING]
What's that beeping?
I'll take it, sir.
- Yes, commissioner?
- May I speak with Batman, please?
I'm afraid he's indisposed.
Well, then give him
these messages.
The newspapers and the state
hierarchy are clamoring for an arrest.
And furthermore, in addition
to Batgirl being kidnapped...
my own daughter, Barbara,
is nowhere to be found.
I'll certainly transmit
your message, sir.
Yes, Alfred?
You best get going, sir. It appears that the
mayor and the governor are in a bit of a snit.
Feeling better, sir?
Yes, but there seems to be...
a slight residue of fear left.
However, I must
shunt this aside...
and press on.
- Let's go, Robin.
- Uh, where?
Hmm, yes, where?
We've learned from past experience that
Shame is happiest when he's around horses.
Now, where would we find
horses in the heart of Gotham City?
Uh, the Police Riding Academy.
No, no, no. Shame wouldn't be
that brazen to hide at a police stable.
But there is one
place he might be.
Holy hoof beats, the
Gotham Central Park Stables.
Across the street
from the opera house.
Let's go, Robin.
SHAME: Now, here's a plan.
Here's our plan.
You take this grub-steak out, and
buy a acetylene torch and a drill.
Why don't we merely purloin those
items instead of purchase them?
Because it don't pay none, Fred.
It don't pay none to risk getting
caught over small potatoes.
Besides, I need you for
the great train-robbery.
You sure he's Mexican?
You make good squaw.
Plenty of meat.
And you make good rug.
[SHANE LAUGHING]
Ah, boy. That old Fanny's
a hundred laughs, ain't she?
Oh, Shame, honey. Can't you just
picture how happy we're gonna be?
- Yeah.
- You and Ma and me...
living on our own
spread west of Laramie...
where the air is
clear and smog-free...
and the corn is as high as Chief Standing
Pat's eye. Can't you just picture it?
I'm picturing about
two-thirds of it.
All right. Let's see how
little old Batchick's doing.
- Hello, Batchick.
- I think you're caring too much about her.
I'm for ventilating her
head and leaving her.
Just simmer down,
woman. Simmer down.
She's our insurance policy.
Long as she's breathing this
Gotham City stuff they pass for air...
nobody's gonna stampede us.
Besides...
you know, it's you.
And only you.
And me.
And only me.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Why couldn't you
been born an orphan?
Oh. Good. Good.
Got the drill? Good.
All right. Now let's get.
- Shame, honey.
- Yeah.
- You ain't worried none.
- No, I ain't worried.
As long as I got that horseshoe
up there. That's a sign of good luck.
Okay. We're riding
high and hog. Let's go.
Come on, pussycat. Come on.
Get up now. Get up.
There doesn't seem
to be anyone here.
Look.
It's Frontier Fanny,
Calamity Jan's mother.
They're got Batgirl,
and we've got Fanny.
It hardly seems like a
fair trade, does it, Robin?
What do we do now, Batman?
I wish I knew,
Robin. I wish I knew.
With Batgirl in the clutches
of that frontier felon...
who knows what disaster
awaits her or all of Gotham City.
On your feet.
- All right. Where did Shame go?
- What's he going to do with Batgirl?
- Wouldn't you like to know.
- Yes, we would like to know.
Well, I'll tell you this,
dynamic dummies.
Do anything to me, and Batgirl's
chances of living through the night...
ain't worth a pitcher
of warm tears.
I never met a person I
didn't like, Frontier Fanny.
But in this case, I may
have to make an exception.
NARRATOR: Have Batman
and Robin been hornswoggled?
Watch the next episode
for the thrilling conclusion.