02x52 - Batman's Satisfaction
Posted: 07/31/22 06:52
NARRATOR: As we last took
leave of Batman and Robin...
The Green Hornet had
been made into a rare stamp...
and then thumbtacked to a wall
by the corrupt Colonel Gumm...
with Kato still being
blocked and perforated...
in Gumm's shameful stamping
machine, and the Dynamic Duo to follow.
Once they're unglued
from Gumm's glue pad...
for you, who've breathlessly
waited and wondered...
some man-hours have passed.
For the Caped Crusaders,
mere moments...
as we shall see in a moment.
NARRATOR: Kato, too,
made into a man-size stamp...
and thumbtacked to the wall?
What monster of a
man is Colonel Gumm?
And what monstrous mutilation
faces our mantled man-hunters?
Well, Dynamic Duo...
your turn.
I think you will find us a much
stickier proposition, Gumm.
Not with another
little invention of mine.
Colonel Gumm's Super
Instant Glue Gone.
The invisible dissolving agent
contained in this spray can...
will penetrate
anything and anybody...
and will dissolve
glue in an instant.
[HISSING]
Now, into the enlarged
perforating and coiling machine...
to be stamped
with my disapproval.
Robin, the switch.
- Now to remove this panel.
- Why the panel?
Because The Green Hornet and
Kato are still alive inside this machine.
Still alive? How could they be?
- They're thumbtacked to the wall.
- Shh.
That should give them a
chance to use their Hornet Sting.
Quick. Into the truck with
these cases of stamps.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
I'll get Miss Pinkston. We'll hold her
as hostage. Meet me in the garage.
- Gumm and his g*ons are getting away.
- No, Robin, they've had it. They won't get far.
GREEN HORNET: Aah.
Holy living end.
It looked like the
end there for a minute.
But there was a small niche
between the gum-applier...
- and the perforating needles.
- And we are both quite flexible.
But there wasn't enough
room to use my Hornet Sting...
to blast us out until
that panel was loosened.
How did the machine
take your picture?
No doubt an a*t*matic
image-orthicon of some kind.
Wrong, Green Hornet.
It was a high-velocity spectrobiscopic
range reflector mini-unit. Hm.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[MUTTERING]
Uh, are you feeding that
pink mutt my alphabet soup?
Apricot was hungry, and
she's only down to the Ds.
- Come on.
- No.
- Yes. And blindfolded too.
- No.
- Ha-ha-ha!
- Aah!
How could you know
they were alive in there?
When this masked
meddler was tossed in...
he had this gruesome
gizmo with him.
But you will notice, Robin, it is
conspicuously missing from that giant stamp.
Ergo, the high-velocity spectrobiscopic
range reflector mini-unit...
failed to produce
a true facsimile.
Gosh, that's some
"ergo," Batman.
Yes, Batman, that's very clever,
but it seems as if in saving us...
you've allowed our
assailants to escape.
None too smart for
a smart crime-fighter.
Are we just letting them go?
As a duly deputized officer of the law, I
had no tangible evidence to hold them on.
But in giving them their
heads, so to speak...
perhaps we can provide
some tangible evidence shortly.
Come on, Robin.
- What's the matter?
- I smell pink.
[SNIFFING]
- You're just tired.
- No, I mean I really smell pink.
The color pink.
Pinky Pinkston.
She wears Eau de Carnation,
an expensive pink perfume.
[SNIFFS]
And she's been...
[SNIFFS]
in here.
There's no doubt about it. Probably
locked up by her foreman before we arrived.
What's that?
ROBIN: I guess I'm tired...
but it looks like a
bowl of alphabet soup.
Robin, have you noticed the
J's, Q's and Z's are missing?
Holy uncanny photographic
mental processes.
Miss Pinkston expected
Batman here tonight.
No doubt she contrived
to leave a message.
In the soup?
Gosh, Batman. It's sure a
good thing you brought...
that empty alphabet
soup Bat container.
Right, Robin.
The right tool
for the right job.
To the Batcave.
Gosh, I never knew there were no
punctuation marks in alphabet soup.
[BEEPING]
- Yes, commissioner?
- Batman, what a relief.
We were a little afraid there might
be some, uh, overdue postage on you.
You must have found those
man-sized stamps of The Green Hornet...
and his masked confederate
in the stamp factory.
Well, one of our men
did on routine duty.
You can tear the
stamps up, commissioner.
The Green Hornet is still very much
alive and operating in Gotham City.
What's the story, Batman?
It's a long one,
commissioner. I'll explain later.
Right now, Robin and I are
trying to work out another puzzle.
Well, get back to
work, by all means.
Forgive the intrusion, sir, but
Mr. Reid is upstairs. He'd like to see you.
Ask Mrs. Cooper to keep him
occupied, Alfred, a few minutes.
- She, uh... She's under the hair-dryer, sir.
- Ah, yes. Hm.
I'll be right there, Alfred.
Keep trying, old chum.
[ROBIN SIGHS]
There's more letters in this alphabet
soup than there are in the alphabet.
- Hello, Britt.
- Hi.
If I'd known you were in there, I
wouldn't have stood on ceremony.
Well, it would be more comfortable
in the living room here anyway.
- Sit down, Britt.
- Thanks.
You're up early, aren't you?
Yes, Bruce. I'm
worried about Pinky.
Nobody answered at her
apartment or the factory.
Do you suppose something
could have happened to her?
All that talk about The
Green Hornet and Batman.
Incidentally, uh, I should
have told you this yesterday.
I met Batman in
Commissioner Gordon's office.
- He sends his regards.
- Very thoughtful.
Uh, what kind of
a guy is he, Bruce?
An enigma.
I really don't know
him very well, Britt.
But if he tangled with Green Hornet last night,
Green Hornet would have gotten the worst of it.
Well, that would
be a switch. Heh.
Green Hornet usually
comes out the winner.
That's because you have
no Batman in your city.
Oh. Well, maybe. Hm.
But I'm still
worried about Pinky.
Well, Pinky seems to me to be a
girl that can take care of herself.
- Mm. Mm.
- I wouldn't worry.
- How was the convention last night?
- Heh.
Dull. How was the board
meeting at the Wayne Foundation?
Dreary.
If you're going to be in town for a while,
maybe we could dig up some excitement?
Yeah, like old times.
Ah, before we settled
down into our mundane lives.
Like old times. We had
a few laughs, didn't we?
Before we settled down and
became such solid citizens.
Yeah. Yeah, it's guys like The
Green Hornet and Batman...
that see all the
action, get all the kicks.
Would you trade
places with them?
Well, not with Batman.
[CHUCKLES]
I wouldn't be caught dead
in that crazy cowl of his.
It's impossible, Batman.
I'm getting no place fast
with this alphabet mishmash.
We were a little offhand with
the Batcomputer yesterday, Robin.
I suggest we give it another
chance. I'll just scoop these letters up.
Hm.
I think that's all of them.
Bat funnel.
Now the Batcomputer
ingestor switches.
You mean you're gonna feed
those letters to the Batcomputer?
They're made out of
noodles. Easy to digest.
It did it. "If anyone can
decode this message...
Gumm is taking me to
warehouse as hostage.
Watch stamp exhibition
tonight. Pinky Pinkston."
And not a J, Q or Z
in the entire message.
That's very clever
of Miss Pinkston.
I'll wager she fed all the
J's, Q's and Z's to Apricot...
trusting we'd be able
to unravel the clue.
- Who's Apricot?
- Her pink Maltese.
Some of Bruce Wayne's female
friends sound a little dizzy to me.
But Miss Pinkston
wasn't the only clever one.
The Batcomputer
even punctuated this.
Yes, it seems to be
back on the beam.
Let's see if it can come up with the warehouse
where Miss Pinkston is being held hostage.
Yellow Pages.
[BATCOMPUTER SPUTTERING]
Don't tell me it's
given up again.
There's no dual
identity in a warehouse.
I think it's blown a Bat
fuse All those noodle letters.
No, Master Robin. The
Batcomputer is not to blame.
It's Mrs. Cooper's
hair-dryer, sir.
It short-circuited, and half the electricity
in the entire establishment is off.
And the telephones are out too.
I've sent for a telephone repairman
and an electrician, but it may take hours.
And so because of
a woman's vanity...
a battle may be lost.
Lost? I'm surprised
at you, Batman.
Many battles have been won before
electricity and telephone were ever invented.
Gosh, Robin. You may be right.
Just arrange to have
the stamp exhibition...
in the Constellation Room
tonight well-publicized.
Then there's bound
to be some action.
And a Batclimb up Gotham Towers
West will help us flex our muscles.
Chin up, old chum.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, the scene of
battle shifts to an isolated warehouse...
but warfare wages on in a
strange and oblique manner.
So Colonel Gumm is holding
me hostage, Apricot? For what?
Who's even going to know it, if
he's k*lled The Green Hornet...
his masked companion
and Batman and Robin?
Word will get around, Miss
Pinkston. Heh-heh. Mm.
Reprint, this alphabet soup
needs more consonants in it.
Yes, Apricot, word
will get around, all right.
And it won't be composed
of letters from alphabet soup.
You know how it will be spelled out?
Counterfeiter. Kidnapper. m*rder*r.
As long as we're spelling
things out, Miss Pinkston...
let me spell
something out for you.
Bruce Wayne was in the shop of his
stamp dealer yesterday afternoon...
making inquiries about that
missing stamp of your old man's.
Do you suppose he means
the Gotham Gothic, Apricot?
[APRICOT WHIMPERS]
And last night at the factory, The Green
Hornet mentioned the same stamp...
and the same stamp dealer.
Is he trying to tell me that Bruce
Wayne is The Green Hornet?
And I strongly suspect
that Britt Reid is Batman.
No, I could never believe that.
Besides, how do you know...
what Bruce Wayne was
telling his stamp dealer?
- Because I...
- Hold it, boss.
Don't spill any more beans.
You're right, Reprint.
Well, goodbye, Miss Pinkston.
By the time you're
found, if you're found...
I shall be thousands
of miles away...
with a fortune that'll make your Pink
Chip Stamps empire look like pink peanuts.
[LAUGHING]
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
Apricot, and this time I am talking to you,
get to work on the ropes around my wrists.
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
- Bruce Wayne's The Green Hornet?
- And Britt Reid is Batman?
- Incredible.
- Unthinkable.
Inconceivable. I'll call
them both up at once.
Call them over here
and face them with it.
Then that's good,
isn't it, Apricot?
If either Britt or Bruce arrive,
then Colonel Gumm was wrong.
For after all, Batman and
The Green Hornet are dead.
- Are they?
- Are they?
Oh, ho-ho. Oh, no, Miss
Pinkston. No, they're not.
I talked to Batman
earlier today.
He said it was a long
story, and it must be.
And then he asked me to publicize the
International Stamp Exhibition this evening.
He sounded very much alive.
And he said The
Green Hornet was too.
Then there's really no use in
calling either Britt or Bruce...
- is there, Apricot?
- Why not?
Do you really
think, gentlemen...
that either Batman or The Green
Hornet would admit to anything...
after keeping their dual
identities a secret for so very long?
Begorra, she's right.
- What do we do now, commissioner?
- I don't know, Chief O'Hara.
May I make a
suggestion, gentlemen?
- Of course.
- Of course.
By publicizing the
stamp exhibition...
Batman may be intending to smoke
The Green Hornet out, as it were.
Let's get over to the
Constellation Room at once.
It'll be interesting to see
who arrives, and who wins.
And who's who.
You seem thoughtful.
We're heading for another clash with
the Caped Crusaders, and I don't like it.
Why not? We've never run
away from trouble before.
Yes, but this double identity
poses extra problems this time.
We know they're heroic
crime-fighters, they think we're criminals.
We must come out on
top, but they mustn't suffer.
Kung fu is kung fu.
It's not child's play.
I know, but our tricks are gonna have
to be tempered with good judgment.
You were right, Robin. This
is a great way to limber up.
Yes, there's nothing
quite like a Batclimb.
The Dynamic Duo.
There are other ways of
getting into this building.
But none that provide the
element of surprise that we need.
What are you doing
in Gotham City?
Some of the paintings from my
collection go on exhibit here tomorrow.
I wonder if some creative artist
couldn't capture the two of you on canvas.
- Perhaps the Cubistic school.
- Oh, never.
- Pop art?
- No.
I think canned tomato soup is to
eat, not to frame and hang on a wall.
BATMAN: Dalí? Picasso?
Bit of an art buff yourself,
aren't you, Batman?
BATMAN: I'm afraid that crime-fighting allows
me only the luxury of collecting criminals.
But you should see the
great mug sh*ts we've got.
BATMAN: Robin...
- Uh, don't reprimand him.
Who knows who posed
for the Mona Lisa?
Maybe one of the wickedest
women in the world.
Oh, but what a smile.
NARRATOR: While in the Constellation Room,
who's this dominating the stamp exhibition?
It is a rare honor to have
you here, Señor Barboza. Heh.
All the way from the
Argentine. Heh-heh.
I suppose your renowned
Howling Monkey stamp...
- has been entered for one of the prizes.
- [IN LATIN ACCENT] Ah, yes.
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
Indeed it has, señor.
In fact, I expect to walk
away with everything tonight.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Well, it's time to get on with
the judging and the prizes.
- Right this way, Señor
Barboza. GUMM: Thank you.
[STAMPLE CLAPPING HANDS]
STAMPLE: Now, quiet
please. Quiet please.
We have here, ladies and gentlemen,
that famous stamp from Egypt...
The Inverted Blue Nile.
Wonderful.
There's Gumm in
that phony disguise.
The Green Hornet came
through the service door...
and the Caped Crusader
through a window.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm ready.
Let's make our move.
The Green Hornet!
[ALL SCREAMING]
And the Caped Crusaders.
[YELLING AND GRUNTING]
Good thing those guys are on our
side. Even though they don't know it.
Good thing those guys
aren't in town every week.
NARRATOR: What do we have here?
A Mexican standoff? A
dead heat? A photo finish?
Stand back. Come on. Now make
way, come on. Stand back. Stand back.
Ah. If it isn't the fuzz and the
pink hostage. She'll come in handy.
[LAUGHS]
Out that window, boys.
We'll come up behind them.
[IN LATIN ACCENT]
Ah, Miss Pinkston...
- permit me to introduce
myself. PINKY: Aah!
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Don't
move, commissioner, nor you, chief.
It's Gumm. Robin.
If anyone makes the slightest move,
Miss Pinkston will be a dead pink duck.
All right, boys,
out with the loot.
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
Batman can
handle this. Let's go.
Out the window, Robin.
We'll come up behind Gumm.
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
Here's your man.
Miss Pinkston's foreman with assorted
aliases and some sordid stooges.
SERGEANT: We'll run him in.
- Right.
OFFICER: Take them out.
The Green Hornet, he's gone.
He certainly is. I wonder what
he wanted in the first place.
Piece of a
counterfeit stamp ring.
Or maybe he meant to uncover
the entire ring. Who knows?
The Green Hornet,
a crime-fighter?
Holy unlikelihood.
Me, Batman?
A lot of people think so, Britt,
and that Bruce is The Green Hornet.
[LAUGHS]
Yes, sir. Immediately.
[BEEPING]
Yes, Batman.
Commissioner, do me a favor. Miss
Pinkston's in the community room.
Would you call her on
your regular phone...
and then hold the
two phones together?
Oh, certainly, Batman.
[HUMMING]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, yeah. 869...
447.
I wonder what's keeping him.
- Call for you, Miss Pinkston.
- Thank you.
- Hello.
- This is Batman.
- Batman?
- Yes, Miss Pinkston.
I wanna thank you for cooperating
with me and your police department...
and running down
your felonious foreman...
and apparently chasing
The Green Hornet out of town.
I did nothing, Batman.
But it was sweet of
you to call. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Now does that disapprove
your ridiculous theory?
I guess it does.
Oh, here comes Bruce now.
Please don't tell him, he'd
think I was an awful fool.
That he would, Pinky.
Sorry, my car keys were
in my pocket all the time.
Now, Apricot, as
you were saying...
Bruce, you nut.
Talking to a dog?
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
leave of Batman and Robin...
The Green Hornet had
been made into a rare stamp...
and then thumbtacked to a wall
by the corrupt Colonel Gumm...
with Kato still being
blocked and perforated...
in Gumm's shameful stamping
machine, and the Dynamic Duo to follow.
Once they're unglued
from Gumm's glue pad...
for you, who've breathlessly
waited and wondered...
some man-hours have passed.
For the Caped Crusaders,
mere moments...
as we shall see in a moment.
NARRATOR: Kato, too,
made into a man-size stamp...
and thumbtacked to the wall?
What monster of a
man is Colonel Gumm?
And what monstrous mutilation
faces our mantled man-hunters?
Well, Dynamic Duo...
your turn.
I think you will find us a much
stickier proposition, Gumm.
Not with another
little invention of mine.
Colonel Gumm's Super
Instant Glue Gone.
The invisible dissolving agent
contained in this spray can...
will penetrate
anything and anybody...
and will dissolve
glue in an instant.
[HISSING]
Now, into the enlarged
perforating and coiling machine...
to be stamped
with my disapproval.
Robin, the switch.
- Now to remove this panel.
- Why the panel?
Because The Green Hornet and
Kato are still alive inside this machine.
Still alive? How could they be?
- They're thumbtacked to the wall.
- Shh.
That should give them a
chance to use their Hornet Sting.
Quick. Into the truck with
these cases of stamps.
[MACHINE WHIRRING]
I'll get Miss Pinkston. We'll hold her
as hostage. Meet me in the garage.
- Gumm and his g*ons are getting away.
- No, Robin, they've had it. They won't get far.
GREEN HORNET: Aah.
Holy living end.
It looked like the
end there for a minute.
But there was a small niche
between the gum-applier...
- and the perforating needles.
- And we are both quite flexible.
But there wasn't enough
room to use my Hornet Sting...
to blast us out until
that panel was loosened.
How did the machine
take your picture?
No doubt an a*t*matic
image-orthicon of some kind.
Wrong, Green Hornet.
It was a high-velocity spectrobiscopic
range reflector mini-unit. Hm.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[MUTTERING]
Uh, are you feeding that
pink mutt my alphabet soup?
Apricot was hungry, and
she's only down to the Ds.
- Come on.
- No.
- Yes. And blindfolded too.
- No.
- Ha-ha-ha!
- Aah!
How could you know
they were alive in there?
When this masked
meddler was tossed in...
he had this gruesome
gizmo with him.
But you will notice, Robin, it is
conspicuously missing from that giant stamp.
Ergo, the high-velocity spectrobiscopic
range reflector mini-unit...
failed to produce
a true facsimile.
Gosh, that's some
"ergo," Batman.
Yes, Batman, that's very clever,
but it seems as if in saving us...
you've allowed our
assailants to escape.
None too smart for
a smart crime-fighter.
Are we just letting them go?
As a duly deputized officer of the law, I
had no tangible evidence to hold them on.
But in giving them their
heads, so to speak...
perhaps we can provide
some tangible evidence shortly.
Come on, Robin.
- What's the matter?
- I smell pink.
[SNIFFING]
- You're just tired.
- No, I mean I really smell pink.
The color pink.
Pinky Pinkston.
She wears Eau de Carnation,
an expensive pink perfume.
[SNIFFS]
And she's been...
[SNIFFS]
in here.
There's no doubt about it. Probably
locked up by her foreman before we arrived.
What's that?
ROBIN: I guess I'm tired...
but it looks like a
bowl of alphabet soup.
Robin, have you noticed the
J's, Q's and Z's are missing?
Holy uncanny photographic
mental processes.
Miss Pinkston expected
Batman here tonight.
No doubt she contrived
to leave a message.
In the soup?
Gosh, Batman. It's sure a
good thing you brought...
that empty alphabet
soup Bat container.
Right, Robin.
The right tool
for the right job.
To the Batcave.
Gosh, I never knew there were no
punctuation marks in alphabet soup.
[BEEPING]
- Yes, commissioner?
- Batman, what a relief.
We were a little afraid there might
be some, uh, overdue postage on you.
You must have found those
man-sized stamps of The Green Hornet...
and his masked confederate
in the stamp factory.
Well, one of our men
did on routine duty.
You can tear the
stamps up, commissioner.
The Green Hornet is still very much
alive and operating in Gotham City.
What's the story, Batman?
It's a long one,
commissioner. I'll explain later.
Right now, Robin and I are
trying to work out another puzzle.
Well, get back to
work, by all means.
Forgive the intrusion, sir, but
Mr. Reid is upstairs. He'd like to see you.
Ask Mrs. Cooper to keep him
occupied, Alfred, a few minutes.
- She, uh... She's under the hair-dryer, sir.
- Ah, yes. Hm.
I'll be right there, Alfred.
Keep trying, old chum.
[ROBIN SIGHS]
There's more letters in this alphabet
soup than there are in the alphabet.
- Hello, Britt.
- Hi.
If I'd known you were in there, I
wouldn't have stood on ceremony.
Well, it would be more comfortable
in the living room here anyway.
- Sit down, Britt.
- Thanks.
You're up early, aren't you?
Yes, Bruce. I'm
worried about Pinky.
Nobody answered at her
apartment or the factory.
Do you suppose something
could have happened to her?
All that talk about The
Green Hornet and Batman.
Incidentally, uh, I should
have told you this yesterday.
I met Batman in
Commissioner Gordon's office.
- He sends his regards.
- Very thoughtful.
Uh, what kind of
a guy is he, Bruce?
An enigma.
I really don't know
him very well, Britt.
But if he tangled with Green Hornet last night,
Green Hornet would have gotten the worst of it.
Well, that would
be a switch. Heh.
Green Hornet usually
comes out the winner.
That's because you have
no Batman in your city.
Oh. Well, maybe. Hm.
But I'm still
worried about Pinky.
Well, Pinky seems to me to be a
girl that can take care of herself.
- Mm. Mm.
- I wouldn't worry.
- How was the convention last night?
- Heh.
Dull. How was the board
meeting at the Wayne Foundation?
Dreary.
If you're going to be in town for a while,
maybe we could dig up some excitement?
Yeah, like old times.
Ah, before we settled
down into our mundane lives.
Like old times. We had
a few laughs, didn't we?
Before we settled down and
became such solid citizens.
Yeah. Yeah, it's guys like The
Green Hornet and Batman...
that see all the
action, get all the kicks.
Would you trade
places with them?
Well, not with Batman.
[CHUCKLES]
I wouldn't be caught dead
in that crazy cowl of his.
It's impossible, Batman.
I'm getting no place fast
with this alphabet mishmash.
We were a little offhand with
the Batcomputer yesterday, Robin.
I suggest we give it another
chance. I'll just scoop these letters up.
Hm.
I think that's all of them.
Bat funnel.
Now the Batcomputer
ingestor switches.
You mean you're gonna feed
those letters to the Batcomputer?
They're made out of
noodles. Easy to digest.
It did it. "If anyone can
decode this message...
Gumm is taking me to
warehouse as hostage.
Watch stamp exhibition
tonight. Pinky Pinkston."
And not a J, Q or Z
in the entire message.
That's very clever
of Miss Pinkston.
I'll wager she fed all the
J's, Q's and Z's to Apricot...
trusting we'd be able
to unravel the clue.
- Who's Apricot?
- Her pink Maltese.
Some of Bruce Wayne's female
friends sound a little dizzy to me.
But Miss Pinkston
wasn't the only clever one.
The Batcomputer
even punctuated this.
Yes, it seems to be
back on the beam.
Let's see if it can come up with the warehouse
where Miss Pinkston is being held hostage.
Yellow Pages.
[BATCOMPUTER SPUTTERING]
Don't tell me it's
given up again.
There's no dual
identity in a warehouse.
I think it's blown a Bat
fuse All those noodle letters.
No, Master Robin. The
Batcomputer is not to blame.
It's Mrs. Cooper's
hair-dryer, sir.
It short-circuited, and half the electricity
in the entire establishment is off.
And the telephones are out too.
I've sent for a telephone repairman
and an electrician, but it may take hours.
And so because of
a woman's vanity...
a battle may be lost.
Lost? I'm surprised
at you, Batman.
Many battles have been won before
electricity and telephone were ever invented.
Gosh, Robin. You may be right.
Just arrange to have
the stamp exhibition...
in the Constellation Room
tonight well-publicized.
Then there's bound
to be some action.
And a Batclimb up Gotham Towers
West will help us flex our muscles.
Chin up, old chum.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, the scene of
battle shifts to an isolated warehouse...
but warfare wages on in a
strange and oblique manner.
So Colonel Gumm is holding
me hostage, Apricot? For what?
Who's even going to know it, if
he's k*lled The Green Hornet...
his masked companion
and Batman and Robin?
Word will get around, Miss
Pinkston. Heh-heh. Mm.
Reprint, this alphabet soup
needs more consonants in it.
Yes, Apricot, word
will get around, all right.
And it won't be composed
of letters from alphabet soup.
You know how it will be spelled out?
Counterfeiter. Kidnapper. m*rder*r.
As long as we're spelling
things out, Miss Pinkston...
let me spell
something out for you.
Bruce Wayne was in the shop of his
stamp dealer yesterday afternoon...
making inquiries about that
missing stamp of your old man's.
Do you suppose he means
the Gotham Gothic, Apricot?
[APRICOT WHIMPERS]
And last night at the factory, The Green
Hornet mentioned the same stamp...
and the same stamp dealer.
Is he trying to tell me that Bruce
Wayne is The Green Hornet?
And I strongly suspect
that Britt Reid is Batman.
No, I could never believe that.
Besides, how do you know...
what Bruce Wayne was
telling his stamp dealer?
- Because I...
- Hold it, boss.
Don't spill any more beans.
You're right, Reprint.
Well, goodbye, Miss Pinkston.
By the time you're
found, if you're found...
I shall be thousands
of miles away...
with a fortune that'll make your Pink
Chip Stamps empire look like pink peanuts.
[LAUGHING]
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
Apricot, and this time I am talking to you,
get to work on the ropes around my wrists.
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
- Bruce Wayne's The Green Hornet?
- And Britt Reid is Batman?
- Incredible.
- Unthinkable.
Inconceivable. I'll call
them both up at once.
Call them over here
and face them with it.
Then that's good,
isn't it, Apricot?
If either Britt or Bruce arrive,
then Colonel Gumm was wrong.
For after all, Batman and
The Green Hornet are dead.
- Are they?
- Are they?
Oh, ho-ho. Oh, no, Miss
Pinkston. No, they're not.
I talked to Batman
earlier today.
He said it was a long
story, and it must be.
And then he asked me to publicize the
International Stamp Exhibition this evening.
He sounded very much alive.
And he said The
Green Hornet was too.
Then there's really no use in
calling either Britt or Bruce...
- is there, Apricot?
- Why not?
Do you really
think, gentlemen...
that either Batman or The Green
Hornet would admit to anything...
after keeping their dual
identities a secret for so very long?
Begorra, she's right.
- What do we do now, commissioner?
- I don't know, Chief O'Hara.
May I make a
suggestion, gentlemen?
- Of course.
- Of course.
By publicizing the
stamp exhibition...
Batman may be intending to smoke
The Green Hornet out, as it were.
Let's get over to the
Constellation Room at once.
It'll be interesting to see
who arrives, and who wins.
And who's who.
You seem thoughtful.
We're heading for another clash with
the Caped Crusaders, and I don't like it.
Why not? We've never run
away from trouble before.
Yes, but this double identity
poses extra problems this time.
We know they're heroic
crime-fighters, they think we're criminals.
We must come out on
top, but they mustn't suffer.
Kung fu is kung fu.
It's not child's play.
I know, but our tricks are gonna have
to be tempered with good judgment.
You were right, Robin. This
is a great way to limber up.
Yes, there's nothing
quite like a Batclimb.
The Dynamic Duo.
There are other ways of
getting into this building.
But none that provide the
element of surprise that we need.
What are you doing
in Gotham City?
Some of the paintings from my
collection go on exhibit here tomorrow.
I wonder if some creative artist
couldn't capture the two of you on canvas.
- Perhaps the Cubistic school.
- Oh, never.
- Pop art?
- No.
I think canned tomato soup is to
eat, not to frame and hang on a wall.
BATMAN: Dalí? Picasso?
Bit of an art buff yourself,
aren't you, Batman?
BATMAN: I'm afraid that crime-fighting allows
me only the luxury of collecting criminals.
But you should see the
great mug sh*ts we've got.
BATMAN: Robin...
- Uh, don't reprimand him.
Who knows who posed
for the Mona Lisa?
Maybe one of the wickedest
women in the world.
Oh, but what a smile.
NARRATOR: While in the Constellation Room,
who's this dominating the stamp exhibition?
It is a rare honor to have
you here, Señor Barboza. Heh.
All the way from the
Argentine. Heh-heh.
I suppose your renowned
Howling Monkey stamp...
- has been entered for one of the prizes.
- [IN LATIN ACCENT] Ah, yes.
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
Indeed it has, señor.
In fact, I expect to walk
away with everything tonight.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Well, it's time to get on with
the judging and the prizes.
- Right this way, Señor
Barboza. GUMM: Thank you.
[STAMPLE CLAPPING HANDS]
STAMPLE: Now, quiet
please. Quiet please.
We have here, ladies and gentlemen,
that famous stamp from Egypt...
The Inverted Blue Nile.
Wonderful.
There's Gumm in
that phony disguise.
The Green Hornet came
through the service door...
and the Caped Crusader
through a window.
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm ready.
Let's make our move.
The Green Hornet!
[ALL SCREAMING]
And the Caped Crusaders.
[YELLING AND GRUNTING]
Good thing those guys are on our
side. Even though they don't know it.
Good thing those guys
aren't in town every week.
NARRATOR: What do we have here?
A Mexican standoff? A
dead heat? A photo finish?
Stand back. Come on. Now make
way, come on. Stand back. Stand back.
Ah. If it isn't the fuzz and the
pink hostage. She'll come in handy.
[LAUGHS]
Out that window, boys.
We'll come up behind them.
[IN LATIN ACCENT]
Ah, Miss Pinkston...
- permit me to introduce
myself. PINKY: Aah!
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Don't
move, commissioner, nor you, chief.
It's Gumm. Robin.
If anyone makes the slightest move,
Miss Pinkston will be a dead pink duck.
All right, boys,
out with the loot.
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
Batman can
handle this. Let's go.
Out the window, Robin.
We'll come up behind Gumm.
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
Here's your man.
Miss Pinkston's foreman with assorted
aliases and some sordid stooges.
SERGEANT: We'll run him in.
- Right.
OFFICER: Take them out.
The Green Hornet, he's gone.
He certainly is. I wonder what
he wanted in the first place.
Piece of a
counterfeit stamp ring.
Or maybe he meant to uncover
the entire ring. Who knows?
The Green Hornet,
a crime-fighter?
Holy unlikelihood.
Me, Batman?
A lot of people think so, Britt,
and that Bruce is The Green Hornet.
[LAUGHS]
Yes, sir. Immediately.
[BEEPING]
Yes, Batman.
Commissioner, do me a favor. Miss
Pinkston's in the community room.
Would you call her on
your regular phone...
and then hold the
two phones together?
Oh, certainly, Batman.
[HUMMING]
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
Oh, yeah. 869...
447.
I wonder what's keeping him.
- Call for you, Miss Pinkston.
- Thank you.
- Hello.
- This is Batman.
- Batman?
- Yes, Miss Pinkston.
I wanna thank you for cooperating
with me and your police department...
and running down
your felonious foreman...
and apparently chasing
The Green Hornet out of town.
I did nothing, Batman.
But it was sweet of
you to call. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Now does that disapprove
your ridiculous theory?
I guess it does.
Oh, here comes Bruce now.
Please don't tell him, he'd
think I was an awful fool.
That he would, Pinky.
Sorry, my car keys were
in my pocket all the time.
Now, Apricot, as
you were saying...
Bruce, you nut.
Talking to a dog?
[APRICOT WHIMPERING]
[ALL LAUGHING]