03x05 - The Chips Are Down/Revenge of the Chip

[bunniefuu]

♪ Every day when you're
walking down the street ♪

♪ Everybody that you meet
has an original point of view. ♪

( laughs )

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes,
open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things
better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other. ♪

Hey!

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day. ♪

Hey!

ARTHUR:
Hey, D.W.

Hey!

Whoa!

( crashing )

Hey, you guys, I'm doing a poll.

That's her new thing,
poll doing.

She saw it on TV.

Children should
seek out

the opinions of
elders they respect.

Come on, D.W.

you're bothering them.

If she respects us

the least we can do
is help, Arthur.

( groans )

Name something
you always wanted to do.

I want to play a real
piano concert, okay?

D.W.:
That's it?

That's not so exciting.

ARTHUR:
It is if you skydive
at the same time.

FRANCINE:
I'd like to orbit Saturn

So I could practice my drive
to the net

without friction or gravity.

What about you, big-head kid?

I'm taking a poll.

Is there anything
you've always
wanted to do?

Um... yeah.

Hey, look out there!

( slurping )

Ahh.

I always wanted
to do that.

Aah!

Oops.

D.W.!

( thunder )

ARTHUR:
Duck!

I found another duck!

BUSTER:
Wow! Look
at this one!

It kind of looks
like Francine.

So which pile?

That pile is big ones,
then small ones

ones that look
like a duck

and ones that look
like people we know.

D.W.!

You can have a chip
when we're done.

But I want one now!

Wait just five minutes.

Please?

No!

Mom! Arthur
won't share

And it's my
house, too

because I live here

And I have
rights!

( both gasp )

There's no category
for this.

Put it down carefully.

MOM:
Arthur, would you
please come here?

( computer beeping )

Can't you let D.W. have
one potato chip?

We will.

I already told her.

We're the
potato chip club.

We must organize
the chips all by
official categories.

But we'll share
with her when
we're done.

( D.W. gasps )

This is the most
beautiful, greeny thing.

I want to keep it always.

MOM:
D.W., the boys will
give you a chip

in five minutes.

BUSTER:
Let's call it "big green--

the eighth wonder
of the world."

Big green is gone!

D.W.
D.W.

I know how to get
her to confess.

I am so much smarter
than Arthur.

BUSTER:
I almost ate a green
potato chip once.

ARTHUR:
You're lucky to be alive.

Green chips are poison
and there's no cure.

I know, after you eat
a green one

it's only
a matter of time.

( both snickering )

( gulps hard )

( gasps )

I can't believe you
ate a green chip.

There were others
to choose from.

( shakily ):
It was pretty.

Your shoes
are pretty

but you don't
eat them.

They're not
salty and crunchy.

I was sure D.W. would
go screaming to Mom.

She probably knew
you made up

that green potato
chips are poison.

Or maybe she didn't
eat it.

Yeah, I guess
pal ate it.

( whines )

You'd better
tell your mom.

I can't-- she told me
not to do it.

If these are
my last days of life

I don't want Mommy mad at me.

Maybe Arthur was fooling--
do you know

if the green ones
are really poison?

I don't know anything
you don't know.

I've got to find out.

I've got to ask
someone who'd know.

Hi, D.W.

That kid is trying
to swing over the bar.

He's cool.

Yeah, what do you know
about green potato chips?

You mean
the poison ones?

( gasps )

Hey, Arthur's sister

What about green
potato chips?

They're poison.

What?!

I ate a green one
two days ago.

Then you have
even less time
left than I do.

Hey, who are you pushing?

Oh.

You're spending
your last moments

Just swinging?

Not just swinging.

I'm trying to ride
over the bar.

But your life
is almost over.

Soon this will be you.

( laughs )

that's what my Dad
looks like sleeping.

Big-head kid, this is
like a tragedy.

You've heard
of death?

From now on, I'll
act like every day

is my last day--
because it might be.

Hey, this is serious, huh?

How much string
is that?

Five rolls.

D.W.:
I can't see it.

Are you sure it's
still up there?

I don't know.

Something's holding
the string up.

Oh, yeah--
then we did it.

This has to be
the highest

any kite ever flew.

Well, there's a lot
of other tngs
I want to do.

( giggling )

( firecrackers whistling )

( crowd oohing )

( Binky laughing )

Boy, it's amazing
what you can do
in one day

if you try
real hard.

CHORUS:
♪ Magic Christmas,
magic Christmas ♪

♪ It's a big, bright
magic Christmas... ♪

D.W., you're watching
Christmas videos in May?

( sleepily ):
I want to make sure
I get to see them.

You're lucky you don't have
a sister, pal.

They're all goofy.

I made a list
of my three biggest
goals in life.

Can you help me figure
out how to do them?

Binky Barnes, why don't you
read us your homework essay?

Mr. Ratburn, I started
to do my homework.

Then I got to thinking:
what's the point?

Will doing all
this homework
really help me?

These are some of the careers
you can have

when you grow up.

What's a career
I can succeed in

say, by my next birthday?

I don't want to spend
the rest of my life

watching the Tibbles eat paste.

( with full mouth ):
I didn't eat any paste.

Me, neither.

So...

Mr. Ratburn says

you refuse to do
homework, Binky.

Mr. Haney, sir

every minute of life
is a precious gift.

We live in a world
surrounded by beauty.

Should we fritter away our lives

and allow the wonders of this
amazing gift to just pass us by?

Come with me, young man.

HANEY:
Mr. Ratburn

this boy has the
soul of a poet

and I for one do not appreciate
you trying to crush

his soaring spirit
and natural talents.

Binky?

Binky Barnes?

This budding Walt Whitman
has inspired me

to follow my lifelong dream--
to climb Mount Everest.

I won't be a life
fritter-er away-erer.

Thank you, my boy.

See you, Herb.

I realize
they're your goals

but you can't take
a bite out of the sun.

It's hotter than pizza

that's been cooked
inside a baked potato.

And you can't drink
a whole ocean.

Salt water would
make you sick.

That only leaves
me one goal.

( classical music playing )

There's something
very strange going on.

D.W. had this game last

and she put everything back
where it belongs.

And last night...
she kissed me good night.

Eerie.

Not as eerie
as this--

An invitation to
a ballet recital...

ALL:
Starring Binky Barnes.

Do you think
it's...

Don't say space aliens.

FRANCINE:
Look.

Have you ever really
looked at a leaf?

Yeah, I did it
yesterday

for five hours.

BINKY:
Nature sure
is amazing.

I want to invite
you to my recital

because you inspired me
to follow my dream.

D.W. inspired Binky?

Arthur, I'm afraid.

This is
just weird.

This is what
I'm wearing

To the big-head
kid's recital.

Very nice, D.W.

I may never get
to wear it again.

Arthur!

No!

Hey!

Mom!

D.W. swiped my chip.

I saved his life.

It was a green chip.

The green ones are poison.

( laughing )

They're
not poison.

That's just what
everyone says for fun.

They're not poison?

You did eat
my big green chip

And you thought
you were poisoned.

That's why you were
acting so weird--

So... nice.

I told you you should have
told your mom.

Oh, you did not.

( classical music playing )

This is for real.

He's really
doing it.

( panting ):
You should watch
from the audience.

It'd look better from there.

I have something
to tell you

About green
potato chips.

Huh?!

Why aren't you
on stage?

I'm done.

It was a big joke.

Didn't you get it?

I mean, me, ballet?

Too bad-- you were
the best part.

Really?

ALL:
Yeah!

Excuse me.

I have to catch a swan.

Ooh.

( audience cheers )

I'm glad this
all worked out

but remember, D.W.

you don't have
to worry alone.

I know, Mommy.

Nadine told me.

Hey, Arthur's
sister.

If not for you

I never would have done this,
and I really liked it-- thanks.

Don't thank me, big-head kid

thank green
potato chips.

My name is Binky.

Mine's D.W.

Next, I'm going to make up
my own ballet

called Robot Man
in the Junkyard.

I will never figure out
how those two became friends.

Space aliens.

ALIEN:
Hey, don't blame us.

We're just ballet fans.

HOST ( laughing ):
So you bit the sandwich

and then saw half a worm
in the part you hadn't eaten?

Uh-huh.

And then

what did you do?

ALL:
Spit it out!

Go to the hospital.

Get de-wormed.

Ate the rest.

( laughter )

( groaning )

Boys sure do the most
embarrassing things

don't they?

Let's watch a re-enactment.

It's weird how we hate
being embarrassed

but it doesn't bug us much

if it happens
to someone else... sort of.

If I were him, I'd wear
a bag over my head forever.

How can he tell everybody
he did that-- on TV?!

I wonder what
the sandwich was.

FRANCINE:
Turn it off!

But there's
still

Ten more embarrassing
minutes to come.

Arthur?

Shh...

So, you do the most
embarrassing things

Is going to do a live show
at Wonderworld next week

and we wrote in for tickets.

Oh, boy, I've never seen TV
before it's TV before.

Come on, D.W., every time
I take you to something

you act like such a little kid.

And it's so embarrassing.

D.W.:
Uh-uh.

Name just one time.

Hmm...

( munching and
slurping noisily )

ARTHUR:
Shh.

D.W., just watch
the movie.

D.W.:
Hmph!

Hey!

ARTHUR:
D.W.!

No!

( yelling )

Uh... sorry, sir.

D.W.:
That was last winter--
I was only a little kid.

Name something
that happened recently.

You thought you were dying
from eating a green potato chip.

You promised you wouldn't
talk about that.

DAD:
Arthur,
Don't tease D.W.

I don't do embarrassing
kid stuff anymore.

If I prove I'm more grown-up
now, I can go, right?

Yeah, sure... but I know there's
no way you can prove that.

Just watch me.

( wheels squeaking )

Well, you're
failing so far.

That's what you think.

Hmm... kind of fat...
very thin... medium...

Whoa! That's definitely
not for little kids!

ARTHUR:
Getting that book

doesn't prove
you're grown-up.

Mom can read it to me
for a bedtime story.

I'm interested
in the subject.

What is it again?

ARTHUR:
Macroeconomics.

I love that.

What is it again?

Mint chocolate
chip, please.

I want
rocky road

with extra
cookie pieces.

I mean, I'll have
something vegetarian.

Okay, sweetie.

Oh, I heard
the cutest thing
about you, D.W.

I sure hope you're feeling
better these days.

I don't get it:

Do adults say
weird things to you

When you
become grown-up?

( straining )

Only when you're trying to act
like something you're not.

WOMAN:
Hey, D.W.!

Sure hope you're
feeling better
these days.

You take care,
we'd hate to lose you.

They're doing
it again!

Wha....

( boys laughing )

Ooh, I ate a green
potato chip.

I'm dying,
I'm dying.

You better take care
of yourself, D.W.

We wouldn't want to lose you.

( laughing )

You! You did this!

You told everybody
about the potato chip

so they'll think I'm a baby

and you wouldn't have
to take me anywhere.

I didn't say anything
to these people.

Then you told your friends,
and they told everybody.

No way! Go ask them and see.

They don't even know about it.

FRANCINE:
Oh, hi, D.W., would
you like a chip?

Don't worry,
we threw out all
the poison ones.

( laughing )

I swear
I didn't tell them.

I know you did this,
and I'm going to get proof

and then you'll
have to take me
to the show.

ANNOUNCER:
The Bionic Bunny Show!

D.W.:
Hmm, suspicious...

they're using the TV
to drown out their voices.

BUSTER:
HELLO, D.W.

( gasps )

Very suspicious.

Hello, D.W.!

Very, very suspicious.

D.W.:
Very, very, very suspicious.

They're keeping
their faces turned away

so I can't read their lips.

Wait, here it comes!

( very slowly ):
Hello, D.W.

I need more
sophisticated equipment.

I need the number of
the nearest lie detector store.

ARTHUR:
Hey, D.W.,
you're famous.

You're in buster's mom's "let a
smile be your umbrella" column.

I can't read.

What's it say?

"A story that's
put a smile

"on my face for the past
few days involves a little girl

"who thought that green
potato chips were fatal.

"five-year-old
Dora Winifred Read...

"eagerly gobbled up
a green chip one afternoon

"only to be informed by her
practical-joker brother, Arthur

that green chips were deadly."

WOMAN:
President D.W.?

You have ended poverty and w*r

and outlawed older brothers
who break promises.

( cheering )

Ms. President,
I have one question:

Would you like a potato chip?

I checked for green ones!

( laughing )

( camera shutters clicking )

You've got to help me

stop this, or I'll never
live it down.

D.W., I have things to do.

I won't help you.

( D.W. screaming )

Okay, I'll help you.

( screaming
continues )

Okay, D.W., I'll help you.

That was the
last trip, right?

Please say that
was the last trip.

Hey!

Hey! What are you doing?

Got a bunch of calls
for a redelivery--

guess some dog ate
everybody's paper.

It's hopeless.

I can never show
my face again.

And you won't even
admit you did it.

It's like when you stole
my crazy bus C.D.

And my snowball.

You know Mom and Dad
took that C.D.

So you finally admit
you stole my snowball?

MOM:
She was convinced
a green chip

would to k*ll her.

You know how
dramatic D.W. can be.

I wouldn't be surprised
if she drew up a will.

When Bitzi asked if
she could put it
in her column

I couldn't say no.

Of course
I'm sending it

To all
the relatives:

Grandma Thora, Lucy

Aunt Jessica
and Great-Aunt Susan

cousin Hortense and
Hortense's Stepbrother Tyler

AND MY COLLEGE ROOMMATE...

Mom?!

What, honey?

You're the one

who told everybody

about the green chip!

My own mom is trying to ruin me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize

it embarrassed you.

I'll never repeat
that story again.

Promise?

I promise.

Arthur,
I'm sorry
I blamed you.

I'm just so
miserable.

Everybody's
laughing at me.

Would it make you feel better
to come to the show?

Well... I guess.

That worked out
happily for everyone.

Arthur, would you mind

taking these to recycling?

Oh...

ARTHUR:
Come on, D.W.

You promised
you wouldn't
embarrass me.

I have to lay low
until college.

Everybody's mom
embarrasses them
once in a while.

Yeah, my mom used
to call me "Boo-Boo."

Everybody at school
teased me about it.

But then they forgot.

Hi, Boo-Boo.

Oh...

MOM ( over loudspeaker ):
Yes, it's true--

she thought green potato chips
were fatal.

Do you hear that?

Tell me I'm dreaming.

What am I going to do?

Run away.

Join the circus.

My mom knows
a good plastic surgeon.

Please don't mention it.

You promised!

D.W., wait.

Wait!

( crying )

BINKY:
You okay, sir?

Oh, Binky!

D.W.! I thought you were

A real football
player in a dress.

Binky, you've been
as close to death as me.

What do you do when someone does
something you don't like?

I always just
stare at people

and they stop doing
whatever they're doing.

MOM:
D.W.!

Oh, D.W., I'm sorry.

You think because
I'm a little kid

you don't have to keep
a promise.

That's not true.

Mrs. MacGrady asked me
about the newspaper...

so when somebody asks,
the promise is off? No way.

No, you're
right.

But people are
going to ask.

Can we figure out
something I can say?

"The newspaper lied"?

What if I just say,
"I can't talk about it

because I want to respect
my daughter's feelings"?

Um... okay.

At least now I can relax
and enjoy the show.

Host:
Welcome, folks, to you do
the most embarrassing things.

For our first guest--

A kid who ate a green potato
chip and thought it was deadly!

( gasps )

Binky Barnes!

I thought I would die.

( laughter )

( laughter stops suddenly )

HOST:
And now the members

of the Bully Ballet

are going to dance
our re-enactment

of Binky's
embarrassing
experience

in their new ballet,
don't eat the
green ones."

♪ What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen
to your heart ♪

♪ Listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm,
the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ It's a simple message
and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ For that's the place
to start ♪

♪ And I say hey! ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn
to work and play ♪

♪ And get along
with each other ♪

♪ Hey! What a wonderful
kind of day! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪