02x02 - Alien Resurr-eggtion

[bunniefuu]

Last time on Total Drama Action:

14 teenagers,

one engaging host...

a dilapidated film lot,

and a whole lotta coin! Ka-ching!

Oh, and did I mention,

a remote-controlled monster,

[OBNOXIOUS LAUGHTER]

I love this show!

Some fared better than others,

Owen ran for his life,

but didn't make it very far.

Until he chowed down on fake food props and scored the reward.

First pick of the cast trailers! Shockingly, Owen picked the wrong one.

The girls' hopes of victory were crushed... along with their new digs!

Who will be one step closer to the million bucks?

Find out on another thrilling episode of

Total!

Drama!

Action!

[Theme Starts]

[JUMPSCARE]

Keep the line moving, lovebirds.

more eggs and bacon for me. Keep 'em coming, Chef!

[ANGRY CHEF NOISES]

Forgot how hungry I got last year eating on Chris's wrecked schedule...

I know! It got to the point where I'd k*ll for Chef's disgusting food. No offense, Chef.

None taken.

You can have my burnt toast, big mouth.

Judging from that gut, I thought you'd be all over the extra carbs.

Heheheheh, nice.

you can have my toast, Gwen.

Thanks, but I can't take enemy toast...

Enemies? we're not enemies.

In this game, we're all enemies.

Except for me and Gwen... I'll always have her back, no matter what!

Right back at you babe.

I'll remind you two of that when the money's being divvied up.

That's so wrong.

SO WRONG.

In battle, we put ketchup on everything. Covers the taste of mortar...

My new nail polish is mortor, isn't it hot?

Gray is so, totally your color!

Ugh... No eggs and bacon for me, Chef. I'll just have this... BRNGHTH... nice bowl of prunes.

[INSERT SHOCKED NOISES HERE]

What?

My, uh... plumbing's been clogged ever since I ate all those fake food props... pressure build-up's k*lling me!

Come on, colon~ don't fail me now! Oh, I hear bells

Welcome to day two of Total Drama Action!

Are you gonna do that every time?

Yes, yes, I will.

All right, then.

Today's movie genre: aliens!

Our unpaid interns have been hard at work figuring out what makes an alien movie successful. Chef?

You got three basic groups. Aliens wanna take over the world and start making lots of baby aliens. People fight back... and the military's called.

Yo Chris, where's my paycheck at?

It's in the mail...

[MORE ANGRY CHEF NOISES]

Today's challenge: find an alien egg and return to home base before Mama Alien finds you.

The two fastest get to pick the teams this season.

Sorry losers, but no one knows alien movies the way I do. The more obscure, the better!

I'm gonna blend up those no-good aliens, and have 'em for breakfast!

Dude, Alien Chunks is my favorite alien movie of all time.

Me too! I've seen it 27 times

53.

You'll be tough to beat... But, I have my lucky charm.

I love the scene in Alien Chunks where they turn the aliens into fruity blended drinks.

I even have the necklace.

I like that movie where the aliens take over the government. "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER"

Oh, dude, you are so going down.

It was a good movie... Right? Gwen?

Uhh... Okay, this is kinda awkward.

Yo Chris. You got some laser sh**ting monster playing Mama Alien?

Not quite...

You call that slime? Makeup, more slime over here!

I hate my life.

Here are your GPS devices, complete with maps of the film lot. Find the alien eggs, but be careful...

Cuz today, you're all on Chef's menu!

[HAPPY CHEF NOISES]

[BEEPING]

Hey, follow me! I know aliens. Uh-huh, I've been abducted loads of times. There's a tracking device in my neck, see?

Does it hurt?

Only when I hiccup.

[Hiccupping Noises] Ow...

Whoo, can you feel that? it's like... there's something in there cold as ice, with no soul.

Thanks! Muahahahah! Now take that!

[SCREAMING NOISES]

I have already told that skinny little tadpole that things between us aren't meant to me. Guess he can't get over the lusciousness that is Leshawna.

I'm pretty sure Leshawna isn't over me yet. I see the way she looks at me, like she's unpantsing me with her eyes.

she looks at me, like she's unpantsing me with her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes. Like chocolate almonds.

How come we're the only dots on the screen?

Where's chef?

How did you get in our group?

There are no groups yet. Plus, there is only one way we can go.

Even though Heather can be really mean, that doesn't mean we should be mean back, right?

Buddha says you can lead a sheep to water, but you can't make it nice.

That is so deep!

[STRANGE NOISES]

Shh!

Aw, yes. First one! Ahaha, smell it.

Sorry.

What is that?

Ever since I got my braces off, I don't make that sound anymore!

Chris? Is that you?

I get blamed for everything.

It must be Chef. You wanna run, or do you wanna kick some alien butt?

Let's kick some alien butt!

Ahem...

Trent, any thoughts?

Yeah, let's... kick some alien butt!

So, who wants to go first?

Uh, huh, please, please, after you.

After you! I insist.

Don't worry Izzy, I'll protect you.

WAAAH! Ugh...

It's Kaleidoscope, E-Scope for short.

Yes, sir. E-Scope sir.

Okay. Let's do this.

Mama, if you're listening, you can have my limited-edition Raptors draft cards. They're worth some serious coin.

I didn't suffer through eight years of braces, headgear, saliva spittle, and the ridicule

of my peers so I could hide from life.

You go, girl!

Watch out Alien Chef, cuz here comes Beth.

Ohhhhh... It's just Bridgette and Geoff.

Oh nice, don't you two ever get sick of sucking face?

I'm thinking that's a no.

Enough messing around, we've got alien eggs to capture.

I wasn't worried about Chef, alien costume or not. I mean, I did place second last year. I know exactly what I'm doing.

Good thing we're all lined up in a row, huh?

Yeah, ready for Chef to pick us off one at a time.

We've really got to work on our strategizing.

DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

Let's get out of here!

Which way do we go?

North is nice, but east is least... west is best!

Can't argue with that... wouldn't even know how to.

Map says the boiler room's east of here.

Alien eggs are always in the boiler room.

Uh... yeah, totally! East it is.

Where do you think you're going?

With you... to the boiler room.

Sorry, but the lovebirds are on their own.

In any alien flick, the kissing couple's always the first to go. There's no way Romeo and Juliet are gonna ruin my

go. There's no way Romeo and Juliet are gonna ruin my chances at a million big ones. Uh-uh.

This is it, baby... better make it good.

That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

[KISSING NOISES]

Everyone, snap out of it. If you don't ban together, we are gonna lose this challenge. Now, who is with me?

Uh... it's hard to say. Um... does being with you imply some sort of an alliance?

'Cuz we don't like you.

Okay, okay, forget being with me. Who's willing to walk beside me in mutual pursuit of our goals

walk beside me in mutual pursuit of our goals with no commitment of any kind?

I can agree to that.

Count me in.

Did anyone else hear that?

I may not be the best looking guy, or the best dressed, or the most buff. But I get my butt kicked a lot.

So my senses are totally heightened. I can sense when something's coming. Nothing gets by me.

Say hello to eternity.

I'm hit! I'm hit!

It's time! take me out, I beg you. It's an emergency.

Oh, thank you! Hahahaho, thank you. Make way, coming through.

Aw, man... I didn't think I was gonna make it! Haha, but these bowels never let me down. Great job, guys!

Oh... I think there's more. coming through!

[EVIL CHEF NOISES]

I am NOT going down without a fight, you glorified dung beetle... lizard... whatever!

One of us isn't getting out of here clean, Hahaw!

You call that a paintball g*n?

THIS... is a paintball g*n.

Aha, fun! I love this game!

Okay, well I'll just let you two have at it.

If I can handle hand to pot combat with the polar bear, haha, I can handle a bald, emotionally withdrawn cook in a Halloween costume.

Who you calling a cook?!

Uh oh. Not again!

[CRAZED LAUGHTER]

I thought you were dead...

Yeah, I get that a lot. Hahahaha! Okay.

What was that? Where are the guts? The gore! I'll fix it.

I really should wear camo more often...

I once knew a love like that.

[SCREAMING IN HEATHER]

This is for last season, when you put LAXATIVES in my brownies!

The only thing that should give people the runs is my under-cooked meat!

Ah!

My wig!

Noooooo! ... ... Don't look at me!

Ever since my head was shaved last season, my hair is growing in all patchy and uneven. I have tried everything:

lotions, lasers, traditional Burmese medicine...

Loser shaman!

Um... how did we get here?

Heh... If we knew, we wouldn't be lost.

You are so smart, Justin... and gorgeous!

What a knockout! Totally gorgeous!

Totally gorgeous!

I hate to be the bearer of big bad alien news, but I think this may be a trap.

We gotta hire an effects crew...

[DERANGED CHEF NOISES]

Ahhhhh!

Ugh, gross!

Ooh, feels so good...

Looks even better.

you know what... models are people too! We stare at them, but they've got feelings just like the rest of us.

They've got hopes and dreams... my dream is to marry Justin. My mom says that if I concentrate really hard,

one day, all of my dreams will come true!

Wow, they look so... real.

Woohoo, we won! Ya-haa!

Not so fast big guy, we still have to get the eggs back to home base.

Quick, lower me down!

Ever heard of plastic props?

Myaaaaah!

Ahh! Save yourselves!

Attention civilians: the military is here to protect you now.

Unfortunately, we can't let you leave with any alien eggs.

But we're supposed to take the alien eggs. That's what you said.

Right. I did. Hahahah!

Incoming!

Woo! Glad I don't have to clean it up.

Does this mean I'm out?

Too bad, so sad. More money for me!

Hoohooh, down for the count.

Duncan is always acting like such a tough guy. Ooh, you've got a mohawk. Oh, you're so tough, bud?

Yeah, hair spray's really manly. I love seeing Gwen stick it to Duncan. She's so awesome... I'd do anything for her.

Oh no, our alien eggs!

I'm on it!

No, I'm on it.

My necklace... it's gone!

Gotcha!

I know this is gonna sound really girly, but I was seriously touched when Trent chose my necklace over

the egg! Most guys would have gone for the win.

Personally, I would have picked the win.

Sorry about losing the egg...

Thanks for saving my necklace. I want you to have it... for luck. It suits you!

You three gave it a valiant effort, but you're still losers. Hehehahaha!

Not so fast, Chris. Looks like my good luck charm is working already!

Gwen, meet you at home base.

I'll get you next time.

Can't you do anything right?

Where's my money? Hm? Give me my money!

We have our two winners. Our only two winners... the rest of you really stink.

As our winners, Gwen and Trent will now be able to pick their teams, which means:

They'll be competing against each other this season.

Aw, dude, no!

Bet you didn't see that one coming. After we vote off two cast members in the most thrilling Gilded Chris ceremony yet,

Yes, you heard me. I said two! I'm liking the twos today. Must be Tuesday!

Yeah, I don't get paid to write this show

It's time to cast your votes. Under your seats, you'll find your voting devices.

Just press the button of the person you want voted off. Oh, and no peeking or it's:

Na, na,

Nah, na na na,

Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!

The votes have been cast. if you get a gilded Chris, it means you're safe!

And the gilded Chrises go to:

Trent,

Gwen,

Harold,

Duncan,

and...

Izzy.

E-Scope!

Fine, E-Scope.

Lindsay, Justin, and Beth are also safe.

(HAPPY NOISES)

So is Owen, my man!

Aw, thanks Chris.

And thanks Chef, for doing what the prunes couldn't.

Next is DJ.

Surprisingly Heather... and last but not least,

Leshawna!

Oops... my bad.

But, but... I thought everyone liked us.

Like being the operative word.

I know exactly who's gonna get it this week. 'M-mwahmwahmwahmwahmwah'

Two words: Bridgette and Geoff.

Least they'll have each other...

Any final words?

Who will Gwen and Trent pick for their team?

Will Izzy ever answer to her actual name?

Will Owen finally get some lunch?

Thank you!

Tune in next time for another exciting episode of:

Total!

Drama!

Action!